I have issues with Dennis Miller, possible former Number
Two funnyman in the world,
and I'll visit him soon, but for right now...
I pride myself on loyalty, so he gets the benefit,
but he was a monster GOP prick last week.
This week, he tried to be, but Alfre Woodard kicked
his white ass.
I've seen hundreds of Dennis Miller shows, but last night was the first time
he got his ass severely kicked on-camera.
He started ragging on how bad Gore was and how great Smirk was,
but he was pulling
on the wrong goddamn chain tonight. Dennis, you still have my loyalty, but just like Rush Limbaugh,
you were saved by the clock, enabling you to get out without facing the music
He asked Alfre, "What's wrong with Smirk
hiring a few zebras?"
I'll bet he wishes he had that moment back.
Alfre smacked his two faces with a carp, then Miller
used a cheap-ass Reno joke to wiggle away.
It's a good goddamn thing, because he was way over his head.
Dennis, I'll give you one more week to straighten up.
If you want to turn Smirk's whore, and make your kids some millions
the same way Mara Liason and Juan Williams did, then, ...more power to ya.
If you need the extra money more than your self-respect, then have a good life,
but you can kiss my ass goodbye and probably millions of others.
This is your career, Dennis.
Did MNF offer you some ten-year contract we don't know about?
You used to speak the truth, did the money get in the way?
But, ...we'll give you one more week before we pronounce sentence.
I've been with you for what, 17, 18 years?
...don't break my heart.
You Go Girl!!!
Did you see Susan McDougal on Greta Van Susteren's show?
She talked about Whitewater and what a horseshit
scam the GOP and America's
dirty whore media pulled on all of us for eight long fucking years...
Then, as they were signing off, Susan surprised Greta with this:
She's got that BartCop "Let's get it on, mother-effer" attitude!
Will Hardon Kenny take the bait?
Or will he run from a woman like the big pussy he is?
The son of a bitch has nothing to stand on, so of course he'll run away.
Issuing a challenge on live TV is so goddamn cool!
It's so ...BartCopian!
Starr will run away from her challenge because he's 100 percent horseshit.
Impeachment was always about reversing the 1996 election, and everybody knows it,
so Hardon Kenny has no choice but to run away in fear.
If there was a God, Susan McDougal and Hardon Kenny would square off
in a Pay-per-View event that would change the face of politics.
If those Republican whores knew they'd have to face a worthy adversary and explain
their Clinton Cock fetish to a live audience, they'd have to get a new hobby!
Susan McDougal, you're the tops!
Flashback - from Volume 143 - The Cocks Report
God Sends Pissquik a Message
Colonel: Mr. President, I have good news and bad news.
Clinton: Tell me.
Colonel: Senator Inhofe's plane has gone down.
His propellor fell off.
Get out of here...
Colonel: I'm not kidding, Mr. President.
Clinton: ...don't you be teasin' me, now.
Colonel: I'm serious, Sir.
Clinton: Don't you be lying to me, Colonel.
Tell me the truth.
Did that really happen?
Colonel: It really happened, Mr. President.
Clinton: I want the real truth right now, dammit.
If you're pulling my leg, I'll have you fried.
Colonel: Mr. President, his plane fell from the sky.
Clinton: I'm your Commander-In-Chief, Colonel.
I want the truth, and I want it RIGHT now!
Did this really happen?
Colonel: Yes, Mr. President, it did.
Clinton: Well, it couldn't have happened to a bigger prick.
...what's the bad news?
Colonel: He landed the plane safely.
Clinton: ...son of a bitch
Colonel: The FBI is looking into it.
Colonel: Yes, Mr. President?
Clinton: Did we do this?
Colonel: Mr. President!!!!!!!!
Of course we did NOT "do this."
Clinton: I don't want to know anything about it.
Colonel: We didn't DO anything!
Clinton: Keep me out of this, no details - nothing.
Colonel: There's nothing to cover up, Mr. President.
Clinton: Is that what Hillary said to say?
Hillary knows how to handle this stuff.
Colonel: Mr. President, there's nothing to "handle."
We're not hiding anything.
Clinton: OK, fine, whatever Hillary says...
Just between you and me?
Volume 143 was pretty good.
I don't usually get too proud of my treehouse activity,
but next time ytou have a half-hour to kill,
you could do a lot worse than checking out Volume 143.
Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
I have just witnessed an amazing moment in all of this BLACK DAY OF INFAMY:
In the middle of the inagural parade, when the
military walked by, and most of the
regiment turned their heads in salute to the Selected Commander In Chief -
I witnessed several members of the military NOT turning their heads towards His Smirkness.
You, who know who you are, are my HEROES!
Subject: Salon Ads
Hi Bart...just another fan who clicked the hell out of every link in
politics section at salon yesterday...didn't see an ad...
Today is the day, you losers!
Get the hell out of the BUSH home!!!!!
HEE hee hee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carl, what's that on your lip?
Looks like some VD or something.
Better put some ice on that...
Did you know Britney Spears was a big BartCop fan?
The Republican Wife-Cheating Hall of Fame
You should bookmark this and mention it whenever a Republican
shoots his mouth off about the Great Clinton Cock Hunt.
To: Resident <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you to kiss my entire ass.
You are a thief, a fraud, a liar, an idiot, a
coward, a criminal, and
you are now illegally occupying the people's White House.
Get the Hell out of it.
You are not now, nor will you ever be, the duly
elected President of the United States.
I will be expecting your Goon Squad of Storm Troopers knocking on my door at any time now.
After all, I am your most feared enemy.
I am a legitimate Voter.
This Just In...
The Drudge Report says the reason Rush didn't work Thursday is
because he got
advance word on Jesse Jackson's affair and came so many times his prostate exploded.
Anonymous sources told Drudge that Limbaugh had over 400 orgasms
in a two-hour period.
Doctors were able to re-attach his prostate after three hours of surgery
Subject: banner at salon.com
I am pissed at Salon.com because I just
spent an hour over there
clicking on various links trying to locate the bartcop.com banner ads.
I see lots of Redenvelope.com and Amazon.com ad banners, but no Bartcop banners.
next time try a different web-site because these guys are not giving you your money's worth.
Doug, My mailbox is flooded with e-mails like yours.
The accounting numbers should come in later today.
Another Name from the Pardon List
Patricia Campbell Hearst Shaw - remember her?
Jimmy Carter should've pardoned her 20 years ago today.
It was unconscionable for him not to, a black eye for our most honest president.
She asked for her situation about as much as John McCain asked for his.
Holding her responsible for her actions was a chicken-shit thing to do.
I assume politics prevented Carter from doing the right thing.
...and anyone who disagrees with me on that should try being kidnapped,
gang raped and then thrown into a dark closet and see how well they handle it.
Subject: Salon Ad
Just thought I'd let you know I SAW A BARTCOP
AD on Salon!
It's 8:15 PM Central time and it must be up in the "rotation"!
I hope you're not getting annoyed by lots of BartCop regulars emailing you
to tell you they saw the ad, but since you said you haven't seen one yet,
I'd just thought I'd tell you they did actually run the thing!
Laura, thanks for the note.
That makes seven people who've seen the ad.
Well, I can't think of anything more to say.
We have a coup, ratified by
a Democratic Senate, the Supreme Court, 2 out of 3 branches of the Florida
state government, pretty much everyone except for the Congressional Black
Caucus and the American people supported our new "President".
And independently, a guy with an IQ lower than
your 64 is the most
powerful man in the world, in control of a nuclear armada.
Any advice on what to do besides get drunk for the next 4 years?
Let's pray that Smirk doesn't reach for the bottle under pressure
I is the President now.
We're taking our country back from the figgers and naggots.
SMIRK DADDY PRAISES BAKER FOR DOING 'LORD'S WORK' IN FLORIDA
Former arms salesman George Bush praised James Baker for doing "the
Lord's work" in Florida,
the AUSTIN AMERICAN STATESMAN is reporting in Saturday papers.
Bush spoke at a reception honoring him and his wife Barbara hosted by
the Houston-based ambulance chaser and workman's comp shyster.
"'I want to thank Jim, who went over there and did that superb job,'
"He did a fantastic job in getting out the truth and in protecting, I'd say, the rights of all the voters in Florida.'"
Great Whore Quotes
"Listening to the new president, I heard
echoes of Lincoln."
-- CNN's Jeff Greenfield, who wants to blow Smirk so bad he can taste it.
"Wasn't he wonderful?"
-- CNN's Candy Crowley, who's been blowing Smirk for a year.
From Modern Humorist
Clinton Pardons Susan McDougal
"She's absolutely delighted. She is speechless
for once in her life."
said her lawyer, Mark Geragos
Picture of Susan McDougal holding BartCop's hand.
That's my red tie in the corner.
Suze, you're my hero!
Congradulations on finally being free from Hardon Kenny!
Read the story of the night I met Susan McDougal.
It was Twenty Years Ago Today
I'll bet you younger kids don't know this story...
Twenty years ago, America was reeling from the Iranian Hostage
The whore press kept saying how "humiliating" it was for Carter that the Iranians
were holding our innocent people hostage. That was horseshit.
Truth is, Carter wanted to save the lives of those 52 hostages
and he was willing to sacrcifice his presidency to bring them home alive.
Reagan was known as a wild fucking cowboy.
At every campaign stop, Reagan said in his speeches that when HE became president,
America wouldn't have to suffer the humiliation of hostages.
He let everyone know that when HE was in charge, there'd
be this John Wayne diplomacy
where he'd just nuke the motherfuckers if they gave him any shit.
At the time, that was VERY attractive to a lot of people because
we were tired of
meek Jimmy Carter begging Hezzbollah NOT to murder those innocent hostages.
Yeah, America got a big hardon for Reagan, because, by God, when
Ronnie was in charge
wouldn't no hanky-heads ever fuck with us again.
...but that was all a charade played out for the whore press.
William Casey, (to be named CIA director once Reagan won) made
that secret deal
with Hezbollah and Islamic Jihad to give them incredibly futuristic weapons if only they
would hold those hostages until after Reagan won the election.
The old people remember this:
The day after the election, Iran asked if it was OK to release the hostages,
but the Reagan people said, "No, keep them until Ronnie talkes the oath - it'll look better."
Iran was talking a worldwide beating for kidnapping these innocent
and they wanted to end this as soon as possible, but the Reagan/Bush people thought it would
look better if they held them until Ronnie took his sacred vow to uphold the constitution
which is the biggest fucking joke of the 20th century,
When America saw Reagan as the rock-solid answer to dealing with
they didn't know what we know now.
They didn't know that Reagan and Bush made that secret deal with
Imagine the audacity of candidate Reagan, conducting illegal foreign policy
with these kidnapping bastards, and getting praise from the America whore press.
Swear to Koresh, every word of this is true.
America's "knight in shining armour" made a deal with Big Terror to become president.
That son of a bitch.
Great True Republican Quotes
"Hello, Mayo Clinic? Do you have a pill
that can keep me from crying during the Inuagural?"
--George Herbert-Herbert Bush
...yeah, we need 280,000,000 of those.
Subject: Where's the Beef?
Checked Salon SEVERAL times today, but after numerous
attempts, could not
find any mention of BC. Anyhow, hope it helps to higher the pie. Tomorrow is
fly the flag upside down day, I fly it most national holidays, but this will
be a first- will wait for comments so I can tell them its because we're
installing a thief as CINC and they can kiss my military ass.
Mike in Texas.
Mike, I know what you mean.
So far I've gotten six e-mails saying "I saw your ad," but 30 that said, "You were robbed."
Salon.com claims it was "in the rotation."
I paid for 166,666 "views."
Seems like there'd be fewer hassles if they just put the ad up fore 166,000 hits
and then took it down. This "hide and seek" with that much money seems crazy.
Years ago, I owed a rock n roll nightclub.
I'd pay the K-Drag rock radio station for a handful of ads, and ask what time
they'd be running and they'd play the same game - "between 6 and 9."
So I'd listen and not hear anything, then I'd call them and they'd say
"Maybe the DJ ran them at 5:45 or 9:15."
Where else but in advertising can they sell you an invisible product?
Today I'm supposed to get my "traffic report."
Maybe there'll be good news in it.
Clinton Protest Ends With Haircut
Mexico, Mo. (AP) -- Clinton is out, Bush is in, and Harry isn't hairy anymore.
Harry Hunt, a Vietnam veteran, was upset when Bill Clinton took
feeling he had avoided war service in a dishonest way.
As a protest, Hunt decided he wouldn't cut his hair until Clinton left office.
Eight years and 28 inches of hair later, Hunt got a haircut.
The long-overdue grooming took place Jan. 13 in this northeast Missouri town.
"It wasn't an issue of Clinton being a Democrat
or a Republican,'' Hunt said.
"It was the idea he was a confessed draft dodger
and he was commander and chief of the armed forces.''
When reminded that Smirk was a cocaine using, abortion-causing
wartime deserter, Harry said,
"That's OK, he's a Republican."
Clinton's Gift to Smirk
................................................................................................................................................................POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155
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Thanks for the fumble, Dude.