We hardly ever do "jokes" at bartcop.com but...
Smirk was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White House.
After a while, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his private bathroom.
He was astonished to find that the President had a solid gold urinal.
Later, Pickles told Hillary that Smirk was very impressed
with the President's gold urinal.
That evening, Hillary told Bill, "I know who pissed in your saxophone."
Clinton changed the landscape
By David Nyhan, Boston Globe Columnist
Excellent list of Clinton's accomplishments
Some good stuff at http://people.mw.mediaone.net/lflood/index.htm
Subject: Bush the Elder
I visit your site daily; you're wonderful. Please keep up the good work.
BC, I listen to a local "morning zoo" show and
one of the DJ's is fond of saying
"Former President Bush was a man of integrity and honor" while Clinton is a
"lying, cheating, fry-eating" president (what he has against fries I don't know).
Now, I know Bush was involved in some shady goings-on
I even know he was asked about an extra-marital affair and made some shady pardons
in his last days in office. Do you have the details on these things?
I'd LOVE to call into that show and ram
the facts down his fat hairy ass.
Thank you very much.
Sir or madam,
With that fancy-looking e-mail address, I thought I'd hide your identity.
Somewhere in your department, there's a ditto-head reading bartcop.com
and they'd love to bust you for contributing.
You are correct about Smirk's daddy.
He swore under otah that he was "out of the loop" when Reagan sold weapons to terrorists,
but does anyone believe the former head of th CIA didn't know what was going on?
The Special Prosecutor at the time, Lawrence Walsh,
subpoenaed Bush's diary.
Bush swore under oath he "didn't know where it was."
Once Rep Lee Hamilton (D-On the Take) closed down the investigation,
Bush's diary turned up in his lawyer's safe.
THAT is what's called "Obstruction of
but it was not considered a crime since it did not involve Clinton's cock.
Then, on Christmas Eve of 1992, Bush pardoned
all the people who were preparing to
testify that Bush DID know what was going on, which would've made Reagan and Bush
both guilty of perjury, theft of government property and conspiracy and more.
By the way, Bush pardoned them BEFORE the trial so they'd never reveal his guilt.
For more, read my theory called The Big Story.
As far a having an extra-marital affair,
yes, Bush had a "Jennifer" of his own.
When asked about his relationship with her, he icily replied,
"I'm not going to dignify such trash" and walked away.
Again, the Bushes can get away with their
denials because their crimes, affairs,
cocaine troubles and wartime desertions do not involve Clinton's cock.
...and if Zoo-boy wants more details, give him my e-mail address.
I found your site quite amusing.
The humer ofcourse was all unintentional, but nevertheless.
Thank you for reminding me why I renounced the Democratic Party and became a librarian.
The current Demoncrapic Party is an unholy cabal of race-baiting poverty pips,
union thugs, feminazis, trial shisters and vapid Hollywood celebs.
I'm sure you fit right in.
Your puriele sense of humer shows you're junior-high
public scholl education has served you well,
assuming 7-11 isn't hiring. Your Clintonphilia is on a parr with necrofilia in moral and astetic terms.
Nic, "union thugs and feminazi's?"
You're not a librarian - you're a ditto-monkey!
That's Rush the vulgar Pigboy talking, not you.
...and thanks for the picture.
How long can you hold your breath?
Some people have asked about the Salon.com
wondering what they might've looked like.
BC, first I want to say I hope I sent this
to the right person there.
Second I'd like to thank you for your all too funny website, I don't miss a day
I finally got the local ABC store here in
NC to carry Chinaco.
They only had one bottle, looked like about 1/2 gallon size.
The bottle was shaped like a oval Hershey Kiss (if that makes any sense? I'm not sure what kind it was).
The asking price was $49.95.
Jim, that's it, and it's a 750, not a 1/2 gallon (twice
Be sure to get the Chinaco ANEJO.
The others are OK, but there's only one King!
Would you consider that price too high,
a bargain or just plain normal?
I'd love to give it a try but with funds being of high demand,
I'd like to know I'm paying a decent price for the stuff, you know?
It's $40 here in K-Drag, Oklahoma, but it's $65 in Vegas, so I
say go for it.
You won't drink it every day, but when it's New Years, your birthday, your anniversary etc,
there's nothing better in the whole, wide world. It's what God drinks on the 7th Day.
But don't mix it!
If you're going to drown the taste with lime-aid, buy the Hornitos made by Souza, instead.
It's 100 percent blue agave and it's priced right.
(By contrast, Jose Cuervo Gold is 49 percent urine)
You're welcome to make a road trip on out
to the shores of SouthEast North Carolina.
We could all enjoy the nectar and have some great laughs on behalf of the Selected ones.
If we get in your area, I'll call for directions :)
For more talk of "spirits," visit the BartCop Pub.
Smirk is El Busto with Minorities
One of Smirk's selling points during the campaign was inclusiveness.
He argued that he had done better among blacks and other minorities
than most other Republicans, and he would do so in the presidential race.
He won only 9 percent of the black vote, tying Ronald Reagan for
worst showing by a Republican presidential nominee in many years.
Subject: Gale Norton
So Smirk wants Gale Norton, who believes corporations
should be allowed to do "self audits"
of their environmental crimes, to be the Secretary of the Interior.
Actually, I think that is a great concept that should be broadly applied to all crimes.
Take for example the OJ Simpson case. Instead
of having Mark Furman creeping around OJ's
Bel Air Mansion, they could've just asked OJ to do a "self audit" and saved everyone a ton of work.
"Mr. Garcetti, I have done a thorough investigation
of the murders of Nicole and Ron,
and I have determined that there is absolutely no evidence I committed those murders."
"OK Mr. Simpson. Guess that wraps up this case."
Hey, it works for the CIA.
Today in History
In 1970: President Nixon nominated G.
Harrold Carswell to the Supreme Court.
Carswell was never approved because of controversy over his past racial views.
Oh, but he'd be approved today, with these spineless Democrats.
If they approve Ashcroft, just who the fuck would they keep out?
In 1977: President Ford pardoned Iva
Toguri D'Aquino, an American known as
"Toyko Rose," who had made wartime broadcasts for Japan
Today, we have Tokyo Rush.
In 1981: The U.S. and Iran signed an
agreement paving the way for the release of
52 Americans held hostage for more than 14 months.
...because Reagan and Bush secretly and illegally
agreed to send them two planeloads of
Stinger missles, but it wasn't considered a crime because it didn't involve Clinton's cock..
Croc takes Bite out of Croc-Boy
BRISBANE, Australia (AP) - A television crocodile hunter nearly became
crocodile snack this week when a six-foot reptile sank its teeth into his leg.
Steve Irwin, whose "Crocodile Hunter" documentaries air in 130 countries,
described the bite - which required 12 stitches - as an "occupational hazard."
A 13-year-old female salt water crocodile, named Toolakea, bit Irwin
week as he tried to move her to another enclosure at his Australia Zoo, about 60 miles
north of Brisbane.
"I threw a jaw rope over her, jumped on her and we were lifting her
over the fence,
and as I got her up to that point of no return - where I'm handing her over to the
other crew - she just went ballistic," Irwin said Wednesday.
"She did a huge, big, full-bodied shake and as she came down she sensed
my skin and just...chomp - sunk her teeth into my leg and did a head shake
which messed it up a little," Irwin explained.
What will Tim Russert do
on his show,
...now that the Great Cock Hunt has been resolved?
Whose Blowjob Was It Anyway?
By Christian Livemore
Subject: Couldn't find your Salon ad
I didn't see the ad on salon, but I have forwarded
your address to every list I'm on!!!
Good luck today. We need you now more than ever.
Kathleen, thanks for remembering.
I started clicking Salon.com at midnight last night.
After a hundred clicks, with no ad sightings, I was sure there was something wrong,
so I called Salon.com to politely register my displeasure.
I didn't tell her this, but for the amount of money that changed hands,
I should get oral sex and a shipload of non-stop ads.
They assured me the ads were running - in the "Politics" section..
"They're in the rotation - keep clicking," she said.
While I was talking to her, I clicked another 40-50 times - seeing no
When my blood starts boiling, the mostly-consonants words start to come forward.
It's my opinion they think I'm the most rude person on the planet,
but in reality they were only hearing the PG-rated BartCop temper.
She said by the end of the day, I'd have a report of who saw what.
Darn it, I was hoping to see the ads myself.
I guess I don't understand the advertising game...
But, there are patriots to thank...
A shot of Chinaco for the very inventive Ray
Coleman for writing the ads.
If you think it's easy writing good things about BartCop, you're wrong.
And a shot of Chinaco for the very talented Todd
for doing such a great job on the the animated banners. Soon, Todd will have his own
online graphics company, but he's available to do your ads right now.
...and a rare double-shot of Chinaco for Christian
for her dozens of hours of work to make this happen. Like George Washington, she has refused the
royal title we wanted to give her and has settled for "BartCop Publicist," instead.
On top of everything else, she made a big-money donation to help make this deal work.
Besides being a major babe, you should hear Christian's phone answering machine voice.
Smart, good-looking babes turn me on.
Christian, if I wasn't a married man, I'd be chasing you.
Tripp to Clinton: Save My Job
Linda the Pigg wants Clinton to let her keep her cushy job.
Linda Tripp is the one on her knees this time - begging Clinton to let
her keep her cushy, stay-at-home-and-make-90,000-dollars job because she's
Political appointees, like Linda the Pigg, have been asked to resign at the end of Clinton's term.
But it's tough getting a pig out of the slop.
In a "Dear Mr. President" letter sent today, Tripp's lawyers argue she
is only in this position after
getting the wordwide reputation for ratting on her co-workers, so nobody wants her traitorous ass.
She claims to be no longer able to find other good government work.
"She has no realistic prospect of finding any employment commensurate
with her current grade level,"
Tripp's lawyers write. "Nobody wants to hire the most hated woman in America."
Subject: Happy Inauguration Day Fellow Republicans!
+++++++++++++++ <////>< +++++++++++++++
Dear Fellow Republicans-in-Christ:
I have an even more exciting way to herald the
return of God's Own Party
to the White House than watching BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals)
Celebrity Spokesperson Ex-Gay Ricky Martin sing.
My exclusive interview with the woman who will
bring a touch of "Texas glamour"
to the White House First Lady Laura Bush!
You can read it here:
So close to Jesus, Iíve Had to Get a Restraining Order (twice),
Mrs. Betty Bowers
America's Best Christian
Great interview, Betty.
Did you know Ashcroft was a cross-dresser?
None Dare Call It Treason
by Vincent Bugliosi
"The stark reality, and I say this with every fiber of my being, is that
the institution Americans trust the most to protect its freedoms and principles
committed one of the biggest and most serious crimes this nation has ever seen
--pure and simple, the theft of the presidency.
And by definition, the perpetrators of this crime have to be denominated criminals."
Subject: Thank You
Laugh OUT LOUD!! I followed your link from salon.com
- nice choice to
advertise, by the way. I'm bookmarking this page and will send it on to my friends.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
For the GOP and our new president-select - Seig Heil!
You are proof that at least one person saw those extremely expensive ads.
What They Should Have Asked
Show your outrage, put one of these on your car.
Subject: My 2 cents worth
>Clinton never sent a man into battle that didn't come home safely to his family.
I read this today and this started me thinking
about VP Cheney and Powell calling a missing pilot dead in Iraq.
I think the asshole Cheney did it after the Navy pilot was only missing 12 hours or so.
Not only will they kill you, as soliders, you not even worth looking for.
Female Veteran -Gale
Bush, GOP stole election
But they did it fair and square
By Gene Lyons
Another great ani-gif from Chris at email@example.com
................................................................................................................................................................POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155
Read the Previous
It had everything - outrage, sarcasm. innuendo, satire but no enemas.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.