Chat and Post

Contact Us

Old Stuff


Back Issues

Media Whores Online

New to BartCop?


The BartCop Reader


The Volume 392 - Pillow Talk
January 25, 2001

 Fantastic Pigboy Quotes

 "I'm holding in my hands a news report accusing the Clintons..."

 Well, that makes it true then, doesn't it?

 "...of looting the pillows and silverware off of Air Force One.
  I can't see Ronald Reagan or George Bush looting Air Force One.
  Don't they understand that's government property they're stealing?"

 Pigboy, the reason you can't see Reagan and Bush stealing pillows is because
 they never any stole government property that was that fucking small.

 No, Reagan and Bush wouldn't steal anything as small as pillows.
 When Reagan and Bush stole government property, they stole,
 among other things,  two planeloads of Stinger missles.
 Those taxpayer-owned sophisticated weapons weren't available anywhere except from us.

 And who did they sell these weapons-from-the-future to?

 Ayatollah Khomenie's allies Hezbollah and Islamic Jihad
 - the men who took our brave soldier Col William R (Rich) Higgins

...and tortured him until they did this to him.

 Col. Higgins' military decorations include:

 the Defense Distinguished Service Medal,
 Defense Superior Service Medal,
 Legion of Merit (posthumous),
 Bronze Star with combat "V",
 Purple Heart (posthumous),
 Meritorious Service Medal,
 Navy Commendation Medal with bronze star and combat "V",
 Combat Action Ribbon,
 Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry with silver star,
 Staff Service Honor Medal,
 United Nations Medal,
 and numerous unit commendations and campaign ribbons.

 Meanwhile, the vulgar Pigboy has won the "Marconi Award"
 for being very effective at selling hate and division to ignorant Republicans.

 Yes, Hezbollah and Islamic Jihad.
 We haven't heard much from them in the last eight years, have we?
 That's because they knew Clinton would not give them weapons.

 Hezbollah and Islamic Jihad are the trading partners of Presidents Reagan and Bush.
 Reagan and Bush.thought it would be a cute idea to reward these motherless fucks
 with better and more sophisticated weapons to kill even MORE people.

 But these were not considered serious crimes.
 Serious crimes would be taking the pillows from Air Force One.
(There's no evidence of that, even, just another wild accusation for Pigboy, Laura,
 Chris the Screamer and Fox News to spend a few weeks obsessing over.)

 Reagan and Bush were never forced to explain their treason or their thefts.
 There was no reason to investigate these matters.

 After all, Monica was not involved in any way.

 Ordinarily I'd put a funny cartoon in this space,
 but after looking at that picture of Col Higgins,
 ...nothing is very damn funny.

 Sexual Assault now Legal in France

 Paul Harvey (R-Sex with horses) just said Supreme Court of France
 has ruled that's it's legal to grab a woman's ass in that country.

 Oh, sure, they included some horseshit "qualifications" such as

 1. It cannot be "aggravated"
 2. It must not be "premeditated."

 Oh, so French men "just can't help it?"

 "Koresh, Pierre, that bitch be so fine, I must grab her ass."

 Now, we have to allow for the possibility that the aging horse molester was lying,
 but I just heard what I just heard - I'm not the one making the mistake IF there's one.

 I have often talked about "the beast in the cage."
 Men don't need to hear that it's OK to let the beast out more often.
 It's certainly not moral to sexually assault a woman, even slightly, but since it's now legal
 in France, men will realize that if they can't decide between Rome and Paris, might as well
 go to Paris if they can play grab-ass with any cute gal they see on the street.

 The aging horse molester didn't mention any age restrictions, either.
 Does this mean men can assault 14-year old girls, too?

 Trust me - don't tell a man he can do this - because he will!
 Men are pigs - they don't need any encouragement acting piggy.

 It sounds like France's High Court has the same brains as our Whore Court.


Subject: Sen. Daschle SD (D)---maybe(R)?


I want to know why dumbocrat Silent Senators (except Boxer) think that Senator Daschle
of SD has the right to be the Minority leader in the senate for the democrat's.

Look at the way people voted in his home state this 2000 election.
If he stands up to Bush or the repuke's at all he will not be re-elected!
He has to speak for the people in his state.
I believe that makes him a republican in democrat clothing!
He's a cross dresser!

Maybe that is why we can't get the support of the democrat Senators?????

Pissed-off Pam in Florida,
MY vote did not count!

 Big Fat Liar Ashcroft

 "As attorney general, I will not make sexual orientation a matter to be considered in hiring or firing."

 But, Johnny, what about the facts?

 Click  Here

 A Letter from Bart Montes

 Click  Here

 Otis the Drunk

 Remember Otis the drunk from the old Andy Griffith Show?

 Remember what his biggest complaint was?
 Apparently, Mayberry was in a dry county and no alcohol was sold.
 Otis, (having no car) had to make his own alcohol.

 Andy and Barney were always smashing a still they'd uncovered, remember?
 Andy and Barney were working as agents for the ATF.

 Yeah, that's right.
 The big federal government was always on Otis's back, crowding him.
 Otis the drunk, Tim McVeigh, Ronald Reagan and the vulgar Pigboy.

 Is there a nickle's difference between 'em?

Almost half of Americans approve of Smirk's appointment
of John Ashcroft according John Zogby (R-On the Take)


42 is NOT almost half, you moron!
The way I read that graph, 56 percent aren't sure or disagree
that whites-only Ashcroft should be the Top Dick at Justice.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "The purpose of a pardon is - 'You've paid your time.'"

 Butt Rush, you didn't say that when Smirk Daddy pardoned the Iran-Contra gang.

 "After all, Mark Rich traded with Iran - a terrorist nation."

 ha ha

...and those people need to be punished?

 ha ha

 Pigboy, you have the consistency of warm baby poop.
 If we're going to jail criminals who traded with terrorist Iran
 we need to put Smirk's daddy and Ronald Reagan in prison.

 When I asked about his crimes, and the cover-up pardons, Smirk Daddy said,

 "Fuck you, BartCop.
  What I did had nothing to do with Clinton's cock
  so there was no crime involved, do you understand?"

 Reluctantly, I agree.  Clinton's cock was not involved - so the Whore Court
 would eagerly overturn any Bush/Reagan conviction on those grounds.


Subject: dr "shnaurra"

Do my ears deceive me???
Is Dr "Posed Nudie-dudie on the Internet" Laura ranting and raving about a lowcut dress?
Oh, hand me ANOTHER barfbag.

What is it about the rightwingers' proclivity for attacking others for their own transgressions?
Kinda like Newt going after Bill for adultery (!);
Dubya locking people up for using coke (!!)
J Edgar Hoover going after "Deviants"(!!!!!!!)

Yes, he sure got his garterbelt all in a knot about it.....
Amazing, isn't it?  Perhaps their own neurotic guilt is what drives them
Love your page, by the way.

Joanne G Murphy

Castro hopes Bush "not as stupid as he seems"

HAVANA, Cuba (AP) -- Fidel Castro has fired his first verbal shot at Smirk since he
stole the election, saying he hoped our new president is "not as stupid as he seems."

Castro said that "someone very strange, with very little promise, has taken charge of
the leadership of the great empire that we have as a neighbor."

"That gentleman has arrived there, and hopefully he is not as stupid as he seems,
nor as mafia-like as his predecessors were," the Cuban leader said.

 The Vegas Newsletter

 Click  Here

 "If you bet on a horse, that's gambling.
  If you bet you can make five spades, that's entertainment.
  If you bet General Motors shares will go up three points, that's business.

  See the difference?"

  Blackie Sherrod,
  Dallas sportswriter.

 Laura the Unloved - Against Tax Cuts?

 Second hour today, some loser calls Laura the Unloved and says he and his wife
 are having marital troubles, mostly due to wild debts they can't afford to pay.

 Hag: Why do you have such tremendous debts?

 Loser: I dunno, we just don't budget for nothin'.

 Hag: What do you spend your money on?

 Loser: Vacations, cars, parties, you know, fun stuff.

 Hag: Who pays the bills?

 Loser: That's' the problem - nobody - our credit is shit.

 Hag: But somebody has to pay the bills, putting ink to paper
          or you'd have no electricity or water. Who pays those bills?

 Loser: She does, she knows how to write a check, we just make bad decisions.

 Hag: You tell your wife the following... - you ready?

 Loser: Yes, Mother, give me orders like I'm a goddamn five-year old

 Hag: Tell her "Before we do those pleasure things, we first have to pay off our debts."

 Funny that's good advice for a couple in debt,
 but it's bad advice for a country in debt.

 Admit it, Laura, you're a whore.
 You give out advice you don't want Smirk to follow.
 Your greedy ass can't make it with a $60,000,000 advance and $12,000,000 a year
  to coast on, so you back Smirk's tax-cut idiocy, isn't that true?

  Laura - thy name is whore.

 Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
  The Electric Spin Cycle

 Click  Here


 Subject: The Brass Rat

 You know, the other day I was in San Francisco and stopped at a junk store.
 I saw this weird looking brass rat that I just had to have for my appartment.
 I asked the shop keeper, "How much for the brass rat?"

 "Twelve dollars for the rat," he tells me, "a hundred bucks for the story that goes with it."

 I told him that he could keep the story to himself, and I gave him the money for the rat.
 But as I was walking out on the street, rats started coming out of alleyways and followed me.
 The farther I walked, the more rats appeared, and they started to chase after me.
 Pretty soon there were millions of rats, and I was running as fast as I could but they were gaining on me.
 I was pretty scared.  I knew it had to have something to do with the brass rat.

 I ran to the edge of the bay, and heaved the brass rat as far as I could into the bay.
 All the millions of rats chased the brass rat into the bay like so many lemmings off a cliff.
 So I went back to the junk store.

 The shopkeeper asked me, "oh, you're back for the story, I bet?"

 "The hell with the story," I told him.
 "You got any brass Republicans?"

 Jim H.

 I'm so scared...
 Please, Uncle Dick, tell me what to do...
 Why did I let them push me into this?

 People are going to find out I'm a moron - then what will I do?
 I'm so scared...

..............................BartCop Store................................................Make
payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!... ...... .......
...................................................................................................................................................................How'm I Doin'?
................................................................................................................................................................POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It had everything - Jailhouse wheelin' and dealin', babes and Mr. Peabody.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

Privacy Policy
. .