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Volume 573 - Causing a Commotion

 (put your ad here)

 August 31, 2001 
 Saturday morning, we're jumping in Mrs. BartCop's touring sedan and going to Texas - back Monday. 
 Spend a few minutes Here  just pick a number

From:  Tamara Baker

Subject: Bill Clinton gets standing ovation in Chicago Restaurant

 President Bill Clinton was greeted with a standing ovation
 while dining at Gibsons in Chicago Wednesday night.

"It was stunning,'' said a Sneed source. "Michael Jordan and Mayor Daley
 have gotten spontaneous applause at Gibsons, but nothing as sustained as this.
 Clinton even forked his way past his limo and down the block surrounded by fans!''


Meanwhile, Weak&Stupid can't go ANYWHERE in public
without bussing in a bunch of ditto-spanks to pose as an audience!

I firmly predict that Bill Clinton will be worshipped as a GOD by the time 2004 rolls around.

Tamara Baker

ha ha

I agree.

  by Pete Hisey, a BartCop E! music editor

 Click  Here

From: ca_creekin@yahoo.com

Subject: wanna boycott EIB advertisers


Along with your highly appreciated "stroke" moments, could you also include reports of companies advertising
on Pigboy's radio programs?  I want to personally boycott these companies, but don't have time to tune in.


I knew we had a list somewhere, and I found it here.

But funny, while I was searching for it, I found this.
Now sure why it's called ads2.htm, but there's some fun stuff there.

I heard a rumor that Ted Rall hates Clinton more than Bob Barr.
Can anybody confirm?    Or reveal why?

 Catastrophe Averted

 You talk about horseshit...
 We finally got everything lined up for the big trip to San Francisco,
 but when I clicked on travelocity.com to pay for it, ...they raised the prices.

 I booked everything, but didn't give them my credit card.
 Today, prices were up 50 percent over yesterday.

 Now, I don't mind getting a "sold out" or something, because I understand that it's
 first come-first served, but EVERY airline went up 50 percent since last night?
 American, United, TWA and whoever else goes from K-Drag to San Fran.
 There's no way this could happen unless they were price-fixing.
 Somehow, Karl Rove and the Bush Family Evil Empire are involved.

 It pissed me off royally, so I called Lorena and told her the plan might change.
 I'll be dammed if I pay $680 for tickets that were $420 yesterday.
 Hey, I can go to Vegas and get a room for $179 that's better than any room in San Francisco.
 I was pissed off enough to do it, too.

 I called some travel agents and they all said, "Maybe if you wait, the prices will come down."
 You know what that means - the price gougers at American will call the price-gougers at United,
 then hook up with the price gougers at TWA and they'll all lower fares on the same day,
 and that's horseshit.

 But she wants to go to San Fran, and you know who's going to win that argument...

 So I kept digging, and I found a deal with never-had-a-crash Southwest Airlines.
 By Koresh, they'll take us to San Jose for $390

 ha ha

 You crooked bastards thought you had me, didn't you?
 Hey, American, United and TWA - you guys can take your Republican price gouging
 and shove your we've-all-crashed airfare where Rush keeps his gerbils.

 So, I book my deal over the internet with SW and get all locked in for $390
 But then...

 but then...

 but then I check my new itinerary, and I see some major horseshit there, too.
 To fly to San Jose, we have to take the flight to VEGAS and change planes.


 If I can fly from K-Drag to Vegas to San Jose for $89 (one person, one way)
 how much does it cost to fly just to Vegas?

 Sitting down?


 But, ...but, ...but, ...how can  that  be?
 It costs $89 to fly THRU Vegas, but if I get off the plane there, I pay a $50 penalty?
 What kind of horseshit is that?

 It costs $53 to fly from Vegas to San Jose,
 but they charge $50 LESS if you're coming from K-Drag?

 Something's reeeeeeeeealy wrong here.
 I'm getting a handjob from somebody, and I don't know who!
 I hate when that happens.

 But, Lorena is happy, and that's all that counts.

 (You can check this yourself - this is no comedy bit. go to www.iflyswa.com)
  Punch in K-Drag to Vegas & back, then K-Drag to San Jose & back)

 It's a screwy deal  but I have an imposter in the White House, so I'm gonna put
 this in the "get to it later" pile until we have a rightfully elected president again.

 If you're going to San Francisco,
 be sure to wear some flowers in your hair..
 If you're going, to San Francisco,
 you're going to meet a lot of gentle people there...

 Bob Costas and Pigboy Argue

 Well, I have to raise my respect for motormouth Bob Costas a little.
 He was on Pigboy's show today and they actually had an exchange of ideas,
 instead of the usual fawning and fellating that every guest offers Rush.

 In the Rush interview Costas did for KMOX in St Louis, Costas closed it
 by asking Rush if his constant making fun of Jesse Jackson and Jocylen Elders
 didn't perhaps send the wrong signal to the caveman bigots in the GOP.

 To his DIScredit, Costas let Rush hijack the question and start yakking about
 back in 1964 how some Demos voted against the Civil Rights Act, which doesn't
 have a goddamn thing to do with the question Costas asked in 2001.

 Pigboy got all indignant and asked why the question was even brought up.
 Costas started fawning again, but he held his ground somewhat, no doubt
 to get another interview down the line with the vulgar Pigboy.

 In all the years Rush has been on the air, this was the closest thing to a debate
 I've ever sen him involved in, and it warmed my heart to see the ugly shit have to
 dance away from the question because, like the BartCop Quiz, had Rush answered
 the question, he would've been unmasked as a racially biased son of a bitch.

 So, Costas goes up a notch or two (he's still lower than snake shit) and the vulgar Pigboy,
 being forced into a semi-real exchange of ideas instead of the usual hummer from a guest,
 goes down a few more notches.

From: obo@peoplepc.com


In regards to your excellent picture of Dubya asking "where's the steel mine"?
It's definatly not in Pittsburgh.It must be in Italy because thats where the powers
that be in Pittsburgh imported the steel to build their new baseball stadium.

My aunts sisters daughter works for Wheeling pitt steel.They have pictures
of steel being unloaded from barges in Pittsburgh that was imported from Italy.

The great steel city my freepin ass.And you dimwitts in Pittsburgh keep attending
the games while your fellow Americans are losing their jobs due to imports.
I will never attend a game in this stadium and sure hope a lot of others do the same.

Note: For the record, there are no "steel mines" anywhere.

From:  scipio2000@hotmail.com

Subject: Bush's Phony, Photo Op Ranch...

He didn't even BUY the ranch in Crawfod until 2 years ago!!!
Now he acts like he was born and raised there!
And the dummy press corps buys it hook line and sinker!



Phillip, there's an often-told story in that link you sent - the one where
Clinton went to the Tetons because Dick Morris said he should.

Has that every been verified by an objective source?
Or is this just Dick Morris being so "terribly important" to the president?

We've heard that story a thousand times, but like most Clinton stories,
it's just horseshit until it's verified and I don't think it's been verified.

Remember one of the very first presidential horseshit stories we heard?
It was the one where Bill Clinton, in all his riding-a-white-horse arrogance,
shut down the entire LA airport so Kristof could give him a $200 haircut.

Remember that horseshit?
Just like the White House vandalism and stripping Air Force One, they ALL
reported it as tho it really happened, but it was all just Rush-inspired fabrication.

Koresh, even in K-Drag, Oklahoma, they have more than one runway.
So how did Clinton's plane hogtie the LA airport for two hours?
The press had no business running that stupid lie - but they did.

And here comes another reminder of the dirty whore press, making the claim that
Clinton went to the Tetons to convince swing voters he was an outdoors kind of guy.

I'm not saying the Teton story MUST be false on its face.

And sure, it's physically possible that Clinton ordered Air Force One to straddle as many
intersecting runways at LAX as possible so Kristof could cut his damn hair.

But if all we have is the word of Dick Morris and the whore press,
it's pretty safe to assume both are lying.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

"The Bush tax cut prevented the recession.
  Why, if you're in Nacodoches, Texas, that $300 means a lot.
  You could pay the phone bill or the electric bill with that money."
    -- El Chupacabra, second hour yesterday

  ha ha

 You mean that wimpy-ass $300 that went to some taxpayers?
 That $300 turned around our multi-trillion dollar economy?

 What is that,   ...creation economics?

 I'll tell you what might've turned around the oncoming recession:
 The BartCop Tax Plan with $1500 dollars going to every taxpayer.
 That would've put real money into a family's hands, enough for them to actually
 purchase some durable goods or make a down payment on a car, and my plan only
 costs $300 billion, about 4/5 less than Smirky's giveaway to the super-rich.

 You're right, Rush.
 That family in Nacodoches can use the "great rebate" to pay part of the August
 electric bill but then it's gone - so how does that help jump start America's economy?

From: wdp@fancygetfiredjob.com

Subject: 57 Times - Reagan Testimony | Vegas baby!

Yo BC!

Hey man, we're headed to Vegas on Wednesday. Your timing with the
tips on what to see could not have been any better! Thanks a lot!

I got into a debate with 6 ditto-monkeys on Saturday - a tale I really need to share with you
when I have the time. At one point, I brought up Reagan's testimony regarding Iran-Contra
and the fact that he said "I don't remember" 57 times - a stat that I remembered reading a while
ago from your site. I'm having trouble finding it right now. Can you help?



P.S. I'm donating 50% of my winnings to the treehouse.
P.P.S. Don't count on it - this will be my first time in Lost Wages
          and I'm an inexperienced gambler.

Wallace, no telling where that story is, but it's true as hell.

Vegas Tip - It's possible to win playing the slots or the roulette wheel,
but blackjack is the only place where the odds are actually with you.
They pay 1.5 times on a blackjack, but you can only lose your money once.

Good luck, and write a detailed trip report - where you stayed, how the room was,
where you ate, what you drank, did you see any shows, which casino had the hottest
cocktail waitresses - and be sure to watch for those hookers!
Las Vegas hookers are the best in the world!

Are you going to Area 51?

Bush leads country from A-OK to IOU
 by Bill Press

Click  Here

Impeachment hearings, anyone?

 Bill, who are you kidding?
The Democrats don't have the balls to express displeasure with a stolen election.
They don't have the courage to vote "no" on confirming religio-crazies and Nazis.
They're afraid to ask for proof on the vandalism and Air Force One lies.

They're not going to do anything that might displease Mr. Rove.

is hopping today, or should I say Hopkins?
  There's all kinds of goodies there...
  Alex's report, The Monks, Chocolat, Smokinggun.com news

  ...and the TV season hasn't even started!

  This could be bigger than priceline.com

From: Willster1@aol.com

Subject: I found this interesting

I was doing a search on the Internet, trying to find someplace that keeps a running tally
on the number of jobs lost since the Bush cartel usurped the will of the Amiercan People.
In the process, I ran across this story. Notice the date: February 7.


"We have gone from fighting about who will be president, which played a role in deflating
 consumer confidence, to talking about how large the tax cuts will be and when they will come,"
 said Mark Zandi, head of Economy.com, a Pennsylvania forecasting firm.
 "That is a refreshing change that should help boost confidence."

 Wow! What a crystal ball that guy must have.
 Do you see the way consumer confidence has skyrocketed lately?
 Maybe the consumers they are talking about are the oil companies and defense contractors.

 ha ha
 Good one!

GOP Congressman Admits Election Fraud History
 Probe Opens Into Rep.'s Residency


PHOENIX (AP) - A congressman has admitted that he never lived in the precinct
where he has voted during his 41 years as an elected official.

Rep. Bob Stump, R-Ariz., said that since 1980 he has lived in Phoenix, 17 miles from the
80-acre farm in Tolleson that he lists as his voting address. Arizona elections director
Jessica Funkhouser said she will look into the matter.

Residency is not a requirement for a congressional run, but is a requirement for voting.
State laws require that voters cast ballots where they have "actual physical presence."

"It's a serious allegation," Funkhouser told The Arizona Republic on Tuesday.

Stump said he has farmed in the Tolleson area all his life, but never lived there.
Stump spokeswoman Lisa Atkins told the Republic that the congressman
has taken no action to change his registration.

Hey, why should he?
The Democrats have proven they don't mind a little election fraud.
They don't mind a LOT of election fraud - as long as they get their Thanksgiving turkey.

Oh, Christ, how did I get in this party of scared bunnies?

 From a GOP lady I need to tell you about

 Headlines: Year 2055

1. Florida is finally readmitted to the union.

2. Spotted Owl plague now threatens Western crops & livestock.

3. George Z. Bush says he will run for President.

4. 50 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

5. Nursing home event--Clinton denies Candy Striper allegations.

6. Texas executes last remaining citizen.

7. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

8. Baby conceived naturally..... Scientists stumped.

9. DC police say 110th interview with Condit "productive"

10. Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.

11. Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

12. Unionized Chinese workers now making 4,000,000,000 yen an hour.
      American owned businesses now returning to cheap labor in USA.

13. White minority demands civil rights and reparations.

14. New California law requires that all machetes, steak knives
      and baseball bats be registered before January 2056.

Gov. Bush Decries Shark Coverage

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) Gov. Jeb Bush decried widespread media coverage
of shark attacks in the area, calling it unfair and harmful to tourism.

There have been at least 20 shark attacks off Volusia County this year,
almost half the number reported in the world. Ten have occurred since Aug. 18.

Most have come along a popular surfing and swimming area at New Smyrna Beach,
about 15 miles south of Daytona Beach. A one-mile stretch of beach was closed last week
because sharks were prowling offshore, lured by the small fish they feed on.

After a helicopter flyover Wednesday, officials reopened a half-mile stretch of the beach.

"The water has cleared up a little bit, and we did not spot any alarming  numbers of sharks,''
 Beach Patrol Deputy Chief Joe Wooden.

New Smyrna Beach's tourism industry has taken a hit because of the shark attacks,
and Bush said Wednesday media hype is partly to blame.

Doesn't this read like the script for the originals Jaws?
"Greedy, heartless public officials risk lives for tourist dollars?"

I love that, "we did not spot any alarming  numbers of sharks,"
as tho 30-40 sharks is much preferable to 60-80 sharks.

 Update on The Death of Lori Klausutis, whose body was found
 in the offices of U.S. Rep. Joe Scarborough, (R-Coronerbribed) who wisely chose
 not to run for re-election so he wouldn't have to answer any questions.

 Click  Here

 My President Clinton trading cards came in.

 It's kind of sad, looking back.
 The last president constitutionally elected by the people.
 The last president who was never convicted of a crime.
 The last president who put the nation before his personal greed.
 The last non-cocaine president.
 The last president who wasn't wholly owned by BIG OIL.
 The last president who tried to stop a war, instead of snorting his way thru it while AWOL.
 The last president who could actually answer questions without a script from Cheney.
 The last president who could walk among the people without having actors bussed in
  from various outlets to pretend to fawn over "his greatness."
 The last president who wasn't afraid to walk in a McDonalds restaurant
  because he feared Ronald McDonald might outwit him in an impromtu debate.

 <big sigh...>

 Those were the days, my friend,
 we thought they'd never end...

From: norman@plankity.com

Subject: I figured it out...

Hey BC:

The situation in Waterbury, CT is thus: Republiklan Giordano bankrupted the city --
the state had to take it over and residents face a whopping 30% tax increase.

When it turned out Giordano was doinking little girls (8 and 10 years old) he refused to resign
until he got a deal: he gets to keep his title, half of his pay and all his benefits (the rationale being
that an impeachment trial would have put the city further into debt). The day after the deal was signed,
Giordano's wife and kids moved away.

This may explain why Smirk squandered the surplus and put the 'straitjacket' on Congress... when
there's lots of dough for everyone, you can fund lengthy and expensive inquisitions, like Starr's


Norm, he doesn't have to worry.
Karl Rove won't approve any investigations.
The Democrats are too afraid to act without Rove's permission.

 Tails of Religion

 Click  Here

From: blulight2@lycos.com

Subject: Ouija Boards...


Thanks for included my note about the price increase in fuel on your site.

But the really enjoyable thing is that you included my email address.
I received a post from Lanny who was attempting to convince me that the only
reasons fuel prices are high are because the democrats have jacked-up the amount
of federal taxes on gasoline and that there's not enough exploration for new oil fields,
(but it's the refinery fire that caused the hike in prices, right?).

Some people need to see their specialist for a new prescription and maybe some intensive group therapy.
I dunno about Lanny, is he still living in a bus terminal?  Reagan never should of cut funding for his
treatment back in the 80's -- see what happens with trickle-down health care?

Anyway, sending you a note and having you post it is like a session with the ol' Ouija Board
-- you just don't know what kind of messages you're going to receive in return.
Some good spirits, some demons


Mick, yeah, Lanny lives and breathes  bartcop.com
He spends more time on it each day than I do.

It's his whole life... poor bastard.

 Someone wrote to say that an old but very important story had a bad link.

 It's what Rush called for years and years, "The biggest lie in history."

 Of course, it was Rush who was doing all the lying and I have the proof.

 Click  Here  to read this proof story about  "The biggest lie in history."

From: jstone@axs.net

Subject: Fried Chicken and Okra

Hey BC  !!!

Tried your chicken dredge last night --- great ....

BTW ... use peanut oil ... don't by the store brand vegie oil ... make sure it's hot ....
Olive oil would probably be better .... but I don't get an ADM check.

If you can find Okra you can sautee it  (sprinkle some cornmeal on it first --with pepper)
in some of that cheap oil ... but add just a little toasted sesame oil .... yummies -- I love August.....


From: joeb@buckeyeinet.com

Subject: Have a recipe site!!!!!!!

Morning Bart
Read the letter from Michelle about fried chicken that is a good recipe.
I`m always looking for new ways to cook especially the Boss who liked your fried chicken technique.

John and Joe, thanks for that.
If anyone is interested in the chicken recipe, go to  http://www.bartcop.com/chicken.htm

There's been some talk of having a small recipe section.
Think it would work?
We couldn't get hardly anyone interested in sports, so would recipes fly?
BTW, football season has started!
My Razorbacks won last night with 18 seconds on the clock.

But what do you think about the sports section or a recipe section?
Should we keep trying with sports - or just admit defeat and let it die?
And - would a food/recipies section likely suffer the same fate?

My brother used to tell this story.
When he was in the seminary, studying to be a priest, his class was given a writing assignment by the priest.
Someone asked how long the essay should be, and the priest gave this answer:

"It should be like a woman's dress. Long enough to cover the subject,
 but short enough to keep it interesting."

We all thought that was real cool - a priest acknowledging the forbidden fruit,
the forbidden fruit he could never taste, not ever, not even once,
not even on his birthday,
not even on New Year's Eve,
not even on his deathbed.

Never, ...ever.

So, the other day I was rifling thru the USA Whore Today, and saw this.
It was in an article talking about how teen stars and rock stars influence the fashion trends
and the problems mothers were having explaining to their curtain climbers that they're not
allowed to dress like the untalented tramps they see every day on the television.

I'm really old, and I've never seen anything like those pants.
That's the shortest distance I've ever seen between the crotch at the pants clasp.
What is it, about 3-4 inches?

When I saw this picture, I thought of that Catholic priest from all those years ago.
I think he'd have to give Britney a very low grade for covering the subject,
because she just barely covered it using the most liberal interpretation of the word.
But then he'd have to turn around and give her a high grade for keeping it interesting.

Of course, then that poor priest would go back to his room and pleasure himself,
committing a mortal sin against God and the Catholic Church, but is that his fault?
If a horse is thirsty, and you lead him to water, do you condemn him for taking a drink?

The priest didn't ask for those hormones. He didn't write the human sexuality program.
Besides, God didn't make that nutty celibacy rule, did he?
No, some nun-having Pope invented that crazy rule.

And since the Catholics are like the GOP when it comes to accepting necessary changes,
they stick with that crazy rule from centuries past, and what is the end result?

Endless sexual abuse lawsuits and burned churches.

From:  hermit13@enteract.com

Subject: Truly nutty increase in gas prices


The Rape of the Midwest does indeed continue:  Took a drive out to Dixon, IL; birthplace
of the Gypper (didn't visit the Raygun childhood home, tho), about two weeks ago and bought
premium for $1.33/gal out on I-88 west of Aurora - then yesterday saw premium prices around
Chicago at $2.34/gal but had to buy, so...  Yeah, yeah, I know; different county, different taxes,
but c'mon - $1.01 in two weeks 'cause of a refinery fire?

You'd think that Joliet was the only refinery in the region.
Hell, a couple of years ago the refinery down in Blue Island used to blow up on an almost monthly
basis and we never saw price spikes, especially not like this.  Such bullshit.
We're being laughed at, people, everytime we take an increase like this lying down.


BIG OIL needs the extra hundreds of millions to recoup their 2000 campaign expendituresm,
then they need to replenish their coffers for Smirk's 2004 charade.

The BIG OIL rape spree will continue until the Democrats stand up.
But they're too afraid - Mr. Rove might not like it...

The Democrats DON"T WANT to win.
They're too afraid.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

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