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Volume 576 - Lord of All Darkness

Join "usanow"! A progressive discussion group
on politics, current events and humor.
Go to www.yahoogroups.com/group/usanow.

 (put your ad here)

 September 5, 2001 

 He wants my money?

 I just checked the  bartcop.com  mail box.
 I got a fund-raising letter from Dick Gephardt.

 He started out with three facts:

 Fact One: President Bush put a "global gag order" on reproductive health options
                   by rescinding money for organizations that offer counseling to poor women.

 This is true, even tho Rush and like-minded liars keep saying he turned off money for abortions.
 That is a lie. Bush turned off money for education. The Democrats were powerless to stop him.

 Fact Two: Bush installed the most extreme right-wing politician as Attorney General.

 Hey, Dick!

 Smirk asked the Democrat's opinion on that move, in writing,
 and they smiled and agreed that Ashcroft would make a fair and balanced AG.
 Don't try to mislead me, Dick, not when you're asking for my money.
 I saw your cowardly "allies" in the Senate vote for that Nazi bastard.
 If you want to know how this atrocity could happen, call Head Bunny Tom Daschle.

 Fact Three: Bush installed Gale Norton, a James Watt protege, who wants to
                      rape Alaska for a few barrels of oil, over at Interior.

 Hey, Dick!

 I was watching that day, too.
 Your "allies" in the Senate said, with their votes, that they thought Norton was a perfectly
 fine pick to rape Alaska for that oil. So why are you using that in fund-raising letters, Dick?

 "Please give us money - so we can confirm every appointment Bush sends us.
   Please give us money - so we can lay down for the unelected fraud.
   Please give us money - so we can follow Karl Rove's orders and get Bush re-elected."

 What are you, Dick?
 I'm not going to give you guys any money until you fight back.

 I don't want much - hell, I'm not even asking for results.
 At this point in the game, I'd settle for some meaningless rhetoric.
 Christ, if somebody would stand up and say, "This man was not elected, so I see no reason
 why we should confirm his right-wing cave-people to ANY positions in government."

 Is that too much to ask?
 Is it too much to ask that you act like Democrats?
 Is it too much to ask you to earn your salary?

 By the way, Dick, why not mention Ted Olson?

 He's another guy you Democrats rolled out the red carpet for.
 Olson spent the last nine years trying to overturn two no-theft elections,
 and you reward him and Boss Fraud by confirming him for U.N. Solicitor General?

What are you, Dick?
 I'm not going to give you guys one goddamn dime until you fight back.

 Jesus, don't you lazy and weak frauds think you owe your constituents anything?

 Tell you what, Dick.
 You keep my name and address.
 If you guys ever get some courage, and stand up and tell Boss Fraud that you're not
 going to be his puppets anymore, write to me again and I'll send you some money.

 ...and if you're not sure what I'm saying, go to  bartcop.com  and start by reading
 http://www.bartcop.com/0386.htm    The Last Day of Democracy  and work forward.

 Believe it or not, there's a LOT of Democrats out there, counting on you.
 So many, in fact, we won the last election.

 Funny - I know that and you don't...


 Mr. Rogers filmed his last tv show last week.
 Yeah, it is kinda sad.
 Now who's going to help President Bush tie his shoes each morning?
   -- Leno,

From: sstark@etigers.net

Subject: There is hope in the Gen Xers


Was watching Letterman just now while they were doing
a segment involving a young woman from Dallas, TX.

Dave asked her how she thought "her boy W was doing?"
With zero hesitation she responded, "TERRIBLE!"

The audience screamed its approval and Dave got a kick out of it, too.
It did my heart good!


Saw it.
Loved it.


 "I never told you I was a strict right to lifer. I have respect for life and
   I also make judgment calls and I also have variations on that theme."
     - The Wall Street Journal's John Fund to woman he'd gotten pregnant.

  I'm a lying whore who was caught on tape.
  The story gets worse, and it couldn't happen to a more deserving scumbag.
  See the entire story at mediawhoresonline.com

From:  smithads@earthlink.net

Subject: Big picture up front

Hey, Bartcop

I probably missed it, but howcome you post
the big scenic sunsets upside down?


Those pictures aren't upside down.
They were taken in South America.

 The Big Hand has added a real rocker to perform with him at his big show - SLASH.

 The rocker flew into New York yesterday to begin preparations for  Jackson's self-promoting
 grabfest which will take place at The Garden and he's happy to be a part of the show.

 He says, "We'll go right into rehearsals, and I'll do the shows on the 10th and
 the 11th.  It's a little bit of madness at this point."

 Slash hasn't spoken with Michael since they worked together in Germany in 1997,
 but says when "his people called my people," he jumped at the chance.

Happy Birthday to...

           Racquel Welch is 61


 "If Republicans lose the House in 2002, it's because of the economy.
   If we hold on to the House, it's because of the economy."
    -- Glen Bolger, a GOP pollster

Tough Times for Tequila

Enrique Mendez seems happy.
Mendez is a winner in the tequila boom. Tequila is Mexico's national alcoholic beverage and owes
its name to the small town of Tequila, where it was first made, near Amatitan. Starting in the mid-1990s
tequila sales both in Mexico and abroad shot up spectacularly, and the price of the blue agave plant,
the beverage's main ingredient, skyrocketed.

While tequila distillers in 1997 paid Mendez and other agave growers 50 peso cents
(0.05 dollars) for a kilo of agave, they now offer 15 pesos (1.60 dollars) per kilo.
Supply does not match demand, and it cannot be increased rapidly because
"Agave Tequilana Weber", the scientific name given to blue agave, needs seven years to mature.

But what fills agave growers with joy, gives tequila distillers a big headache.
"There are companies that are ruined, there are companies with grave problems,
and companies with problems, but there is no company without problems," says Ramon
Yanez Mutio, the vice president of the National Chamber of the Tequila Industry, in an interview.

Due to the agave shortage  40 out of 90 tequila companies in Mexico have had to suspend activity.

Sorry, I fainted, ...I'm OK now, kinda...

This year, compared to 2000, tequila production in Mexico has dropped 25 per cent, Yanez says.
According to Tequila Chamber figures, tequila production between 1994 and 1999 had more than doubled.
"No one in the world had a crystal ball to be able to foretell this," Yanez says, explaining that agave being
grown now will only be able to be harvested in seven years' time.

After a record 190.6 million litres of tequila produced in 1999, production dropped slightly in 2000 to
181.6 million litres. Of this, more than half, that is to say 98.8 million litres of the liquor, went to exports,
with the United States, the largest consumer of tequila, taking the lion's share and importing 81.9 million litres.

One tequila distilling firm that is still producing the drink is Jose Cuervo, located right in the town of Tequila.
Jose Cuervo is Mexico's oldest tequila firm and began producing the liquor in 1795.

Oh, I can't take this...

When my beloved fresh corn goes away, I know it'll be back in 11 months.
When I leave Vegas, I know I can always come back next year.
But I can't wait seven years to taste God's sunshine.
I can make a bottle last a month, but even if I get twenty bottles,
that's only good for twenty months.  -  Koresh, give me strength!

I wonder what the limit is on my credit card?

 Smirk to Cabinet:
 Karl Rove is the President - talk to him.

 Click  Here

 That arrangement means the true decision makers are Andrew Card, Karl Rove, Karen P. Hughes
 and a few other top White House aides. It's a more unified and efficient system than a Cabinet-style
 government. But it also carries certain risks, particularly the danger that staff, finding themselves more
 powerful than the better-known Cabinet members, become victims of hubris. That is what Clinton adviser
 Dick Morris found after learning he could boss around Cabinet officials.

 "My sense of reality was just altered," he said.
 "I started out being excited working for the president.
  Then I became arrogant, then I became grandiose."

 Gee, Dick, it's hard to imagine you being arrogant.

 From:  http://www.harpers.org/weekly-review

 Weekly Review

 Forensic experts in Honduras found a mass grave containing 15 bodies on a former
 American military base used to train Nicaraguan Contras; prosecutors expect to find
 up to 80 dead leftists who disappeared during the 1980s. John Negroponte, who was
 the American ambassador to Honduras during the Contra war, was awaiting confirmation
 as the new U.S. representative at the United Nations

 Gee, I wonder who had all those leftists murdered?

From: william.warner@bms.com

Subject: Clinton's in upstate New York


Saturday it was overcast and windy so since I wasn't jumping, me and the SO went to the NY state fair.
Just after noon I had the honor of meeting adn shaking the Big Dog's hand.  I was surprised at the number
of people yelling "run again" and "4 more years" as the last constitutionally elected president and NY's junior
senator worked the crowd.  I'd never met a president before, living or dead, and I was surprised how
exciting it was, especially for an old cynic like me. <g>

I wonder if we could persuade Mr Clinton to run against that
spineless excuse for a senator, C. Schumer, in 2004.

Blue skies and keep hammering

Damn, I'd like to meet him someday.
I'd like to say, "You son of a bitch, you beat them ALL,"
and then smile and shake his hand and give him a bottle of Chinaco,

...if there's any left.


  "No, I ain't taking shit off today."
    -- Madonna, Live-Aid, 1985, when the crowd yelled for her to take off  her jacket in
        the hot sun, having just weathered the storm of her "art pics" that appeared in Penthouse.
        It might've been the last time she gave a damn about what anybody else thought.

 Dark Cloud #1

 Marc Perkel, my publisher, has some new software that tracks traffic.
 He says  bartcop.com  is costing him a lot of money, and the problem is graphics.

 This issue, and future issues will have to have drastically scaled-back graphics.
 That means I can only run the very best cartoons - and only if they're small enough.

 If you're an artist, please shrink your toon before you send it.
 I have a good shrinker, but if the toon is wordy, I can't shrink it much.

 Things are changing and change can be scary.

 If there's a wealthy Democrat out there, who'd like to see  bartcop.com
 remain like it is or maybe even make it  more  than it currently is, don't wait.

 The time to be a hero is right now...

From: mrsjudyochristian@yahoo.com

Subject: Landover heads up White House Department of Faith

By the time you read this, the White House Department of Faith, and therefore,
the government itself, should be firmly in the hands of God's favorite church.

Praise Jesus-- And GW BUSH!


 Has anyone heard any news about Ben Affleck?

 He was supposed to complete his stay at Promises by the end of August.
 If you hear something, lemme know...

From: jbmac2001@hotmail.com

Subject: Re: Closing

Actually, there are three major reasons that I am closing DemsUnited.
One is that we are loosing visitors to other liberal sites.
Making Anti-Bush cartoons, keeping up with protest dates,
and writing humorous political literature takes valuable time and effort.

Secondly. there are not enough funds to keep the website running.

Thirdly, and lastly, I am sick and tired of chasing Bush and his bitchful family (including advisors).
Bartcop, just as Shrub took a vacation from the country,
I need to take a vacation from politics on the internet.

If DemsUnited reopens later (and that is a BIG IF), it will probably be after Thanksgiving or Christmas.
We just will have to see how the Bush will bounce.

Good luck in the future with the Bush-bashing,


P. S.:  To make the viewers happy, I am closing a day later (Sunday, September 9th),
          and sending you two cartoons for your website.

JB, I know the feeling.
Burnout is a bitch, that's why I try to keep one foot in TV, babes, movies, birthdays etc.
I can't beat on the unelected fraud 24/7 - nobody can.

I've quit 2-3 times, but Mrs. BartCop or Christian have (best Silvio impression) "pulled me back in."
So, take a break, get distracted, and send me an e-mail when you're ready to re-join the fight.
(Have you considered a trip to Vegas?)

You can Mac's final toons at http://demsunited.cjb.net/
He's also having a fire sale on mouse pads, t-shirts etc.

 Dark Cloud #2

 In the  bartcop.com  PO Box (54466, Tulsa, OK 74155) I found an envelope
 with a California postmark, but no other clues, and $160 in cash.

 A note said, "Buy a bottle of Porfidio Cactus Bottle and write about it.
 Use the rest for the computer you're getting for Julie Hiatt Steele."

 Doing as instructed, I went to the largest spirits stores in K-Drag.
 Actually, it's probably the biggest spirits store I know of - anywhere.
 So I went in and looked for the Porfidio - nothing.

 So I asked Cubby where he kept the good stuff - in back, perhaps?
 Cubby said the good stuff was ...gone.


 I asked him to repeat that. He said, "There's a shortage."

 Koresh, I'm not ready for this.

 I mean, they've been saying for years that the crunch was coming.
 But now it's here.

 No more Porfidio Cactus Bottle.
 No more Patron.
 No more Casa Nobles.
 No more Lapiz.

 I asked Cubby, "When will you get some more in?"

 He said, "Maybe three-five years. The distributor doesn't even list those
 brands on its inventory list anymore. They're being bought up by the Cuervo people."

 I, ...I, ...I, ...

 My chest became tight, and sweat beaded up on my forehead.
 In a panic, I searched for my Chinaco Anejo, which they still had.

 They still had The Miracle at Canaan, Tres Generaciones, Dion Felipe El Tesoro,
 the Herradura (which he says is the last batch) The Del Dueno Reserva, and, of course,
 row after row after row after row of Jose Cuervo Gold, which can't run out because it's not tequila.

 Cubby says the little guys - the artists - have gone out of business.
 He says the agave prices are just too high for the little guys to make it.

 ...I was not prepared for this kind of news.

 In a daze, I bought a bottle of Cubby's finest, the Casta Weber Azul (see Volume 157)
 for about $60, which left $90 to go towards Julie's computer.
 I also used the credit card to get a Chinaco Anejo and bottle of Del Dueno for $28.
 Koresh, fine tequila for $28?
 Don't they know there's a shortage?
 (I plan a taste-test this weekend - maybe the last one...?)

 So - we are now officially in the post-tequila era.

 I don't know what this means.
 I figured prices would go up a buck or two.
 I wasn't expecting these incredible distilling artists to have to sell out
 to the whores that sully the good name of fine tequila - these Cuervo whores.

 I need some time to assess my next move.
 What will happen when the last of the Chinaco is gone?
 Do I take the old VISA card to the spirits store and play defense?
 Do I have a choice?

 I'll go back tonight and get as many bottles as the card will hold.
 They only had 5 or so...I hope this isn't the last batch.

 Thank Koresh I've learned to make a shot last for an hour or more.
 That's a skill I may be honing in the next few years.

 I am not in a good mood.

From: smirky@smirkingchimp.com

Subject: sites!

From yesterday's installment ...

You wrote:

 and everybody on the link page
 who is fighting the illegal Bush Family Evil Empire needs help.

 Bartcop, dude! What am I, chopped liver?

You are not, ...repeat not,  ...chopped liver.
I should keep a list nearby (I need a staff) because when I write,
it's so off the top of my pointy head, I knew I'd forget important people.
I also forgot allhatnocattle.com and democrats.cjb.net  and rushlimbaughonline.com
and BushBeer.net and oreilly-sucks.com and www.rayberry.com and others.

No slight was intended.
I have a very small IQ.

Visit http://www.smirkingchimp.com


 "Hey, Jenna! Want to go get a beer?"
   -- Brad Pitt to the First Lush, when he sees her in
       the offices of his Hollywood agent, Brillstein-Grey.

From: rmille36@tampabay.rr.com

Subject: Another Chinaco convert for $4


I had lunch today down here in Tampa at Dish -- one of those places where you
pick out your raw ingredients and a sauce and have it cooked on a flat grill.

It was a nice lunch until I noticed in the drink menu that the place had Chinaco Anejo
...so having read about it here, I decided to sample some afterwards.

The color as very nice and the tastes just come up at once.
Smooth as silk.
It was the best tequila I can imagine.

But even better was the luck of hitting it at happy hour for $4 instead of the usual $8.75.
Chinaco for four bucks on Labor Day...is this a great country or what???

Tequila'd in Tampa

It was a great country until about 6:20 yesterday when I visited the spoirits store.
Better drink it while you can - <sniff>


 I tried to reach Julie Monday for an update.
 Cubby said she was still checked in, which could be bad,
 but she was out of her room, which could be good.

 Maybe that means she's gotten hold of a car and is moving
 into her new place where the new computer will be.

 I'll try her again tonight.

From: chiarell@suite224.net

Subject: Vegas

Yo, B.C.

The trip to Vegas was one of the nicest times I've ever had. We took the paddle boat on Lake Mead,
then had dinner at the Top of the World gourmet restaurant. The boat had a full bar.
Had a blast drinking beer on Lake Mead, with a Brooklyn mailman and his wife.

The next morning we took the trolly car to the other casinos.
I hit the slots pretty well at the New York New York.
Then we went back to the Stratosphere.by way of the Treasure Island, the Bellagio,
The Harley Davidson cafe, Paris Las Vegas. We then had the gourmet buffet at the Stratosphere,
and went to the American Superstars show. Then it was time for K.C. to hit the Strato-slots.

Then we had breakfast across the street. More gambling.....take a break.
We then walked to the SaHara tried their buffet and went to see the Rat-Pack show.
A couple of girls from England were sitting next to me, we had another great time.

When the Bartcop -Vegas extravaganza is scheduled, let me know.


Dude, you're breaking my heart!
Nice pic from the Stratosphere.
Thanks for the report.

Did you do anything you can't tell me about?

Small Town X

Pretty much every television critic liked the idea of this show,
but they all agreed 40 suspects with detailed histories and 20 investigators
was too much for the average home viewer to comprehend.

As the story closed out, suddenly the focus was on the secret society of the OSL,
which I hadn't caught before, but that was the big clue to the killer's identity.

Jon Bastian has been following this mystery over at 
Last I read, he thought it was the preacher, which is always a good guess,
and at one point last night, the preacher confessed, but it was one of those
"false confessions," and he turned out to be cleared of wrongdoing.

One complaint was that they never showed a list of suspect after the first night.
With every episode, they'd show a picture of who was eliminated, but they never again
showed a list of who was left. How can you pick a suspect when you don't know who
is on the list? They had some cute, 40-ish blond suspect that I would've watched if I'd
known she was in the damn show.

Speaking of sex, why kill off all the women?
The last three investigators were men, none of them sympathetic.

So, maybe they'll get it right next time.
At least the producers should be given credit for trying something new.

...and I need to get over to  and see what's new today.


 The last couple of issues have been small because my boss
 actually had some work for me to do - the nerve of him.

 Should be back to full blast by tomorrow...

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

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   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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