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Volume 603 - Mystery Achievement

 September 25, 2001

 VCR Alert - Frasier Premier, Boat Load O' Whores on Fox, and Philly at 10/9CST
  Also, Undeclared on Fox looked good in the previews - I might give it a look. 

 Constructive Paranoia
  Part One - Apollyon     by RB Ham

  Click  Here

 Ask BartCop

 From: (withheld)


 The Los Angeles Times first reported that Israel's Mossad warned Washington in August
 that as many as 200 terrorists linked to bin Laden were slipping into the country
 to prepare a major assault on the United States.

 Where was our President when this happened?

 President Game Boy was on vacation - as always.
 He was talking to the goddamn cows, remember?

 If they even told Smirk about this (remember when Karen Hughes admitted they didn't
 tell him about Cheney's heart attack so he could talk 'stupid' to the press about it?)
 I'm sure his reaction was "Wake me if anything happens."

 President Pinhead has never worked a day in his life, and Daddy told him this
 president thing would be even easier than being a part-time governor in Texas.

 He can't think and he refuses to work.
 We've got the worst of both worlds.

 The WTC Horoscope
  Thanks to Geneva

 Click  Here

 Michael J Fox

 Nobody doesn't like Michael J Fox, right?
 Poor bastard, stuck with Parkinson's in his prime.
 But is he playing the whore tonight?
 The ABC promos are screaming "He's back" trying to promote the Spin City premier.

 Considering the gravity of his condition, and considering the milking "dying Mike" got last year
 why is whore-ABC screaming "He's back?"

 I think MJF owns a piece of the show, so it looks like this is a money thing, and I don't mind him
 trying to leave his kids a little cash when he's gone, but isn't there room for dignity, too?

WTC: Seeing Is Not Necessarily Believing
   by Richard Higgins

 This is a bona fide wild-ass conspiracy theory,
 but there are several points that sound reasonable.

 Such as:
 Do you really believe that Bin Laden, fanatical and evil as he may be, is capable of
 orchestrating a military strike of this nature from the out-backs of one of the most
 backward, impoverished countries on the planet?

 Do you really believe that a video on how to fly a Boeing, and a copy of the Koran is
 left in a car by a hijacker, and "conveniently" found by the previously inept cops within hours
 of the disaster - amongst the hundreds of cars that would be parked at a major airport?

 And what about that plane? Did the pilot force it to crash when he realized what was planned?
 Or was it shot down by the US military, and Bush couldn't dare tell his sheep that he had slaughtered
 some more of them, in a more obvious fashion? Despite news cameras being at the site of the crash
 within hours, there were never any close-ups of the wreckage. Why?

 Click  Here

 If it wasn't for a stolen election, the CIA's involment and a whore press,
 I would immediately reject this kind of talk as horseshit.

 But they didn't steal the election because they're extra-patriotic.
 They stole it because they have plans for you and me.

 ...and you refuse to own a gun.

Tragedy Reunites Clinton and Gore
     by Katherine Q. Seelye (who cannot be trusted)

 Click  Here

 Congrats to Marty and The Vidiot over at 
 They have hit the 10,000 hit mark.
 It took me decades to get to 10,000, so I am jealous.

 One other thing (Marty's page reminded me) - Dave was 100 percent last night.
 He came out with the regular monolog and did regular, tacky jokes.

 He's not inching America back to laughter, he jerked it back in one night.
 Rudy was on, and got the necessary standing ovation.

 Rudy, I know you're tempted, but don't.
 In baseball, when you get to your last day of your career,
 if you hit a home run you don't even bat the rest of the game, you leave on the homer.

 You hit a big, big home run, Rudy.
 Don't try to stay around any longer, because you'll just strike out.
 If you leave now, you'll no longer be "Rudy the Nazi," you'll be "Rudy the Hero."

 The TV Guide this week has a lot of reporter's stories from Sept 11th.


"The worst thing we could do is announce what we know about bin Laden.
  We should trust the president and his cabinet."
   -- El Pigbo, second hour

  Trust the people who said, "Don't count the votes?"

  That doesn't sound like good advice to me...

 Why did Jeb call up the Florida National Guard
 ...BEFORE the WTC attack?

 Click  Here  to read this article from Democratic Underground

 From: (withheld)

 Taliban leaders today said,
 "If the U.S. wants to end terrorism they should end bias against Palestinians."

 This confirms the report by Jane's Military Magazine that the May statement by Bush
 blaming Arafat and the Palestinians for the violence in the Middle East was the trigger for this attack.

 As you know, the standing policy until the Bush statement was nuetrality between Israel and the Palestinians.

 Yes, Bush is a walking screw-up.



 Muhammad Ali visited the ruins of the World Trade Center Thursday.
 When a reporter asked how he felt about the suspects sharing his Islamic faith,
 Ali responded pleasantly, "How do you feel about Hitler sharing yours?"

 Powell overruled again;
 Bush won't release evidence against bin Laden
   from Smirkingchimp.com

 President Bush on Monday backed off the administration's pledge
 to quickly release evidence against Osama bin Laden.
 He said doing so could "make the war more difficult to win.

 I don't know how Weak & Stupid can run a secret war.
 I mean, I expect the fake Democrats to bend over for every demand Smirk makes
 because the fake Democrats have no courage, no convictions and no balls,

 ...but are the people going to stand for a bunch of dead with no proof?

 I talked to Julie Hiatt Steele last night.
 She has her computer, but she can't get in the mail box.

 She's looking forward to sending her first column.

 Bonus issue

 Sometimes I write some things the day before...
 The night of September 10th, I started work on the issue for the next day.

 September 11th wasn't supposed to look this this. 

 Click  Here


How do you begin to imagine something so incomprehensible?
It's so hard to find the right words - because there aren't any.
The greatest gift, the most powerful weapon we have right now is to love one other.
It was pretty tremendous.

It was a privileged and emotional place to stand there for my minute.
Before I went on, I watched the program for an hour and a half.
I was so touched and overwhelmed and humbled by everyone's efforts.

I have no answer Like everyone, I am stunned. It has been an hour-by-hour thing for me.
But there is commonality in all of us, and an equality we share now.
I want to hold on to that sense. We are all in this together now, and somehow we'll get through it.
   -- Julia Roberts

 As the market plunges, so does consumer confidence.
 Everybody knows Bush's approval rating is more about defying bin Laden
 than any faith we have in President Weak & Stupid.

 If only we had a real president, one the people had faith in,
 one who wasn't an idiot, one who was elected.

 The 16-point drop in the consumer confidence index is the biggest ever recorded.
 Oh, President Clinton - please come back.
 We're sorry we stabbed you in the back and treated you like crap.

 I saw Crossing Jordan last night - I liked it.

 I wonder if anybody wrote a review over at 

  Click  Here

 Liddy Dole leaves Bob

 Yes, it's true.
 When Bob ran against Bill Clinton in 1996, he said,

  "When this election is over, I'll either be in the White House
    or I'll be going back to Russell, Kansas."

 But his lovely wife Liddy has announced that she'll be living in Carolina
 as she tries to bring humanity back to Carolina's Republican party.

 ...and since Bob Dole is an honorable man of his word,
 since he's a decent man who wouldn't tell a cheap-ass lie just to win an election,
 that means Bob will be living in Kansas while Liddy is living in Carolina.

 The alternative - that Dole was just a lying whore, telling cheap and bald-faced lies
 to try to trick the electorate into some misguded sympathy vote - is unacceptable,
 so join me in wishing both of them happiness as they learn to live without each other.

 Happy Bithday to...

  Click  Here

 ...but I have one more question about Liddy Dole.
 Has she ever explained this?

 I mean, I'm all for having a few drinks and having a good time,
 but I've never danced naked on a bar for money.

 No wonder she's never won an election.

 Liddy's been appointed to posts, mostly because Bob's friends
 at Archer-Daniels-Midland gave millions to the GOP.

 While Democrats are setting differences aside for patriotism,
 Republicans are setting patriotism aside for opportunity
      by Bryan Zepp Jamieson    9/24/01

  Click  Here

 I installed Netscape 7, or whatever, I can't keep track.
 I saw a button that said "related," and hit it when  bartcop.com was on screen.

 It said  bartcop.com was the 71, 349th most popular site on the www.

 I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted, but I think I'm insulted.
 I mean, I can only think of about 100 websites total, meaning 70,249 sites
 get more traffic than  bartcop.com  and I don't even know they exist.

 Mrs. BartCop tried to console me, saying "Everyone has a web site,"
 but I find myself wishing I was ignorant of how many websites dwarf  bc.com

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

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   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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