Fair & balanced...
POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - OUTRAGE - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT
"I know what I believe. I will continue
to articulate what I believe
and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."
-- President Bunnypants, trying to sound like an adult
Reports are that the letters sent to the Democrats in the senate could've killed into the tens of thousands.
Which would've made 9-11 look like a walk in the park.
So why isn't Ashcroft profiling the domestic terrorists
that sent those letters?
Why isn't he rounding up thousands of the Army of God members?
Why isn't he holding pro-life, white Christian conservative Republicans for months without charging them?
Why isn't he rounding up militia members and denying them Attorney/Client privilege?
I'm not sure when or why Bill Safire turned sane, but this is a fight
we can't lose
so I'd welcome help from Bob Barr if it would help to derail today's fascist takeover.
(Whoops, sorry, we already have help from Bob Barr.)
by William Safire
With most voters trusting the government with anything, and with an attorney general and his hand-picked F.B.I. boss
having the publicity time of their lives, one might expect us negativists to be in disarray. Here's why we are not:
The sudden seizure of power by the executive branch, bypassing all constitutional checks and balances, is beginning
to be recognized by cooler heads in the White House, Defense Department and C.I.A. as more than a bit excessive.
Not that they'll ever admit it publicly; Bush
will stick to his shaky line that civil courts cannot be trusted to protect
secrets and, as fearful Orrin Hatch assures him, jurors will be too scared to serve. But his order asserting his power to
set up drumhead courts strikes some of his advisers, on sober second thought, as counterproductive.
Set aside all the negativist libertarian whining
about constitutional rights, goes his newest advice, and forget about
America's moral leadership. Be pragmatic: our notion of a kangaroo court is backfiring defeating its antiterrorist purpose.
From: (withheld, so Ashcroft doesn't execute her without a trial)
Subject: Insane Ass-crafty
I'm actually afraid to use what should be my true subject line - I'm a terrorist!
After listening to insane Ass-crafty's testimony
to Congress yesterday,
I realize that I must start learning to confess my calling.
Evidently, because of my stubborn refusal to give
up on the Constitution and Bill of Rights,
because of my selfish clinging to due process, I give aid, comfort, and support to the enemy.
So I guess I'm an enemy of the evil Bush empire's version of the US and a terrorist.
The Genius of George W. Bush
"Why did this hearing, er, er, er..."
I was approaching an aide to a Democratic member
of the Senate Judiciary Committee, which had minutes earlier
completed a three-hour session with Attorney General John Ashcroft, and I was trying to ask a question politely.
"Suck?" the aide said.
There was no denying it.
This much-ballyhooed face-off between Ashcroft and Senate Democrats was more fizzle than sizzle.
Yes, the gelding Democrats rolled over once again, forgetting that we
won the last election
and forgetting that this group of illegal frauds has no mandate to shred the Constitution..
Is it in Bush's political interest to prolong the war?
Bush's father is the one who declared victory and ended the Gulf War early. The public then had
a year and a half to brood about domestic policy. If Bush doesn't want to repeat his father's mistakes
-which does seem a guiding principle of his administration-he'll be leery of a too-early termination of
the current conflict. Not just for policy reasons, but also, if he thinks about them, for sound political reasons.
As long as the war against terrorism is going as well as it seems to be going, then the longer it goes on,
the better the chances that Bush will be a two-term commander.
How many men, women and children will die so Weak & Stupid can be a hero in November 2004?
"If there is a problem with Bush's order,
it is the exemption of U.S. citizens from trials before military tribunals."
--Robert H. Bork (R-Ican'tfuckingbelievehesaidthat)
Gee, ...I wonder why Bork had a problem getting confirmed to the
Thank Koresh Bork isn't being nominated today.
Senator Patrick Leahy (R-Rubberstamp) would say, "He's extremely qualified, and a good friend."
Please, God, get me out of this party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to the Bizzaro World of the Washington Whore Post
Democrats Eager to Tackle Bush on Domestic Issues
By Dana Milbank and Juliet Eilperin
If President Bush is so popular, why aren't the Democrats afraid of him?
These guys think the Democrats are fighting tigers?
If the pink tutu, gelding pussies in the Democratic party aren't afraid of Bush,
I'd really, really hate to see what real fear and terror actually look like.
All I can figure is Milbank and Eilperin are, like most of Washington, on Karl Rove's payroll.
by Eric Alterman
Most infuriating about the right's capture of the media since the war is the fact that,
according to the Pew study, nearly three-quarters of the respondents say they want news
that includes the views of America's enemies, and just over half say reporters should dig
hard for information rather than trust official sources.
So just why are the media wimping out exactly
when tough, critical reporting is not only
crucial for the functioning of democracy but is also being demanded by their audience?
"The latest report is that Mullah Omar's own
troops may try to kill him now.
Well, duh. I guess they figure that with that $25 million reward,
they can get all the virgins they want."
-- Jay Leno
"According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo
said he is now carrying a gun,
and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him.
If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay."
-- Jay Leno
"Criticism of the administration's investigative
methods is designed to scare peace-loving people
with phantoms of lost liberty. Those critics give ammunition to America's enemies and pause to
America's friends and erode our national unity and diminish our resolve"
-- John the Butcher Ashcroft (R-Insane)
"Fuck you, liar."
By Molly Ivins
If you want to know what this story is about, pretend Bill Clinton is still president.
Pretend Clinton's long-time, all-time biggest campaign contributor, a guy for whom
Clinton has carried water for over the years, a guy with unparalleled "access," a shaper
of policy, a man with a veto on regulatory appointments affecting his business, with
connections at every level of the administration, a political fixer beyond the wildest
dreams of James Riady -- imagine that this guy's worldwide empire has tumbled into
bankruptcy in just three months amid cascading reports of lies, monumental accounting
errors, evasions, iffy financial statements, insider deals, a board of directors rife with
conflicts of interest, top executives bailing out with millions while regular employees
see their life savings shrink to nothing -- imagine all this back in the day of Bill Clinton.
Holy moley, we'd have four congressional investigations,
three special prosecutors,
two impeachment inquiries and a partridge in a pear tree by now. The Republicans
would all be drumming their heels on the floor in full tantrum.
But no, we don't have any of that, because the press is owned
by the Bush Family Evil Empire
and the Democrats are all scared little bunnies afraid to anger Mr. Rove or President Stupid.
By now this is old news, but did you know Spain has refused to
extradite the terrorists
they arrested in the wake of September 11th because no head of a country in his right mind
would extradite suspects to be executed after a secret trial with a hand-picked jury?
Imagine an American tourist in Spain who was hand-picked to be
arrested and secretly tried
before a jury of hand-picked soldiers whose careers depended on keeping the boss happy.
We wouldn't stand for that for a goddamn second, but President
Stupid is asking other
countries to give him the power to execute people he doesn't like after a secret trial.
Remember, George Bush is the ONLY person who decides which suspects
get secret trials.
That means anyone who knew about the Afghan invasion ahead of time must be executed or he might talk.
This isn't America - it's a fucking totalitarian banana republic.
and as long as the Democrats are too scared to stand up to Bush's abuses,
it's a monarchy in every sense of the word. Bush has ABSOLUTE power.
This isn't what the Founding Fathers wanted.
This is a nasty joke on freedom.
Why don't the Democrats do their jobs and stand up to him?
I realize the Democrats are fine with being slaves for Bush, but
Isn't anybody else sick about it?
What DID happen to flight 587?
"No tail fell off, not before the explosion. I swear that," said retired firefighter Tom Lynch,
who was doing his exercise march along Rockaway Beach Boulevard on Nov. 12.
"I had my head up taking in that beautiful, clear
day and was staring straight at the plane.
It made a bank turn and suddenly there was an explosion, orange and black, on the right-hand
side of the fuselage. It was a small explosion, about half the size of a car."
"The plane kept on going straight for about two
or three seconds as if nothing happened,
then 'vwoof' - the second big explosion on the right wing, orange and black," Mr Lynch said.
"It was only then that the plane fell apart. I'm
telling you the tail was there until the second
explosion," he said. He has 13 other witnesses lined up to testify that they also saw the plane
on fire before the breakup and before the explosion the tail was intact.
When you think "cover-up," you gotta think Bush Family Evil Empire.
They must have the reason why we are being misled.
I get what I want.
I always get what I want.
Democrats won't stop me.
They're too afraid.
Bunnypants brags about his great luck on September 11th
"Hitting the Trifecta"
Shortly after Sept. 11, George W. Bush interrupted his inveighing against
evildoers to crack a joke. Mr. Bush had repeatedly promised to run an overall
budget surplus at least as large as the Social Security surplus, except in the event of
recession, war or national emergency.
"Lucky me, I hit the trifecta,"
he remarked to Mitch Daniels, his budget director.
Yeah, lucky you, you son of a bitch.
When that second plane hit the WTC you knew all your dreams had been answered.
The World Trade Center crumbling was a wet dream come true for you, wasn't it, Smirk?
No more Constitution, no more congresional oversight, secrets everywhere,
and best of all,
your greedy fucking hands are grabbing for that pipeline in Afghanistan.
How many brave men will die for the Bush Pipeline?
You're one lucky son of a bitch, George.
You also hit a trifecta with Katherine Harris, Tony Scalia and lay-down Al Gore.
...but I don't feel so lucky.
The majority of voters don't feel lucky.
I don't think the families who lost loved ones September 11th feel very lucky, either.
But anything George had ever wanted has floated right to him.
"I want my cocaine bust to go away,"
and boom, Daddy makes it happen.
"I want my AWOL secret to go away," and boom, Daddy makes it happen.
"I want my felony abortion problem to go away," and boom, Daddy makes it happen.
"I want my arrest record to remain unspoken," and boom, Daddy makes it happen.
"I want to own a baseball team," and boom, Daddy makes it happen.
"I want to be governor of a big state," and boom, Daddy makes it happen.
"I want to be president of a big oil country," and boom, Daddy and his crooked appointees fix it.
But luckiest of all, George, is that the gelding Democrats don't have
to stop you when you throw away the Constitution and do what you fucking want.
...and you're lucky that I'm completely and totally powerless, George,
because if I had any power at all, I wouldn't let you get away with this.
Yes, George, you're one lucky son of a bitch.
I'm Mr. Lucky!
The Democrats love what I'm doing.
I can do anything and they'll just roll over.
Subject: the new Hoover
I'm disgusted. They had Ashcroft in the hot seat.
They had a couple of weeks to prepare. But Senator
Rubberstamp and the other pink tutus sat up there and basically said, "We would ask you some hard questions,
but either we're too effing lazy to actually research the issues enough to be able to ask intelligent
follow-up questions and expose your tap-dancing around the issues, or we're scared to death you'll
investigate us and turn up all our dirty little secrets and use them to blackmail us."
Good God, how hard could it be to nail this guy?
He was perfectly willing to defend the Bush tribunals,
until someone asked him a question about them, at which point he said I have nothing to do with them. He
said only 16 people had had their conversations with their attorneys monitored, and the Democrats just
rolled over and said, Oh, that's not so bad. What the eff? Violating the Constitution is ok if you only do
it every once in a while! Ashcroft admitted to 16 counts of violating the Constitution he swore to
uphold! They should have ordered him arrested right then and there!
I've seen so many people say that the Bill of
Rights is not a suicide pact.
Well, neither is it a document of convenience, to be discarded when the issues get a little difficult and tangled.
If the Bill of Rights can't work now, when can it work? It was created... my GOD, why can't they see this???
The Bill of Rights was created _especially_ for times like these, when the government is most inclined to rule by fiat.
In times of peace and prosperity and safety, it is easy to put up with offensive speech. It is in times of war that we
prove our worthiness to call ourselves a democracy built upon the rule of law. If we can't protect our own fundamental
rights when the chips are down, then what's the point? No one said democracy was supposed to be easy.
But if it is to work, if it is to mean anything at all, it has to be protected doubly-so during times of war.
The Bill of Rights isn't a suicide pact. But shredding it is certainly a death warrant for democracy.
I'm ill. Watching the Ashcroft hearing was like watching a bunch of people walk blindly off a cliff.
Jeff, I didn't even bother to watch.
I knew the Democrats would cave on this like they cave on everything.
I saw a headline earlier in the week, "Ashcroft
faces tough questions," and I laughed out loud.
Not too many headlines can make me laugh out loud.
These Democrats are the most spineless bunch of pussies I've ever seen - and I'm old.
Those bastards cash their checks every payday and they haven't done a days work in 13 months.
I'm ready fucking fed up with the gelding Democrats.
They can't be bothered with standing up for what's right?
Isn't anybody willing to do anything to save their country?
In 2004, some "brave" Democrat is going to run for the presidency and say,
"Bush misused his office to shred the Constitution."
Mr. Democrat, whoever you are, why don't you stand up NOW
and say something?
Don't try to convince us in 2004 that you're a real leader.
Real leaders stand up when they're needed.
Somebody needs to stand up now.
U.S. Economy Kept Bleeding Jobs in November
The U.S. economy shed jobs at a searing pace for a second month in a row during November
as the unemployment rate shot up to its highest level in more than six years, the government said
on Friday in a report implying the recession may bite deeper and longer than thought.
I told you this would happen if Weak & Stupid was elected.
And Al Gore said, "Prosperity itself is on the ballot in November."
Tax cuts for the super-rich has screwed the Bill Clinton miracle
Oh, God, why do you punish us this way?
How many more years, God?
Three or seven?
Thanks to http://george2.keenspace.com
Click on and
see what's new.
Marty has a report on the fact that people prefer President Bartlet to President Stupid.
There's tons of stuff over there - you should click and check it out.
Happy Birthday to...
Roswell's Shiri Appleby is 23 and singer Nicole Appleton is 27
According to a Zogby poll, 61% of likely voters
"in light of the increased attention to the threat of terrorism since Sept. 11,
they oppose arresting and jailing nonviolent marijuana smokers"
About drug laws?
Not in America.
"Ashcroft is an intensely religious man and
no doubt sees issues such as this in a spiritual
rather than a temporal light. So in arbitrarily trying to abolish a state law, he is not, in his opinion,
overreaching, not imposing his will on a sovereign state; rather he is simply doing God's work."
--David Rossie, The Binghamton Press & Sun-Bulletin
Yes, and that's the problem.
He's religiously insane.
Hurry back, Christian
Thursday, Christian was in Swannanoa, Carolina.
By the way, if anyone has any good ideas about how to combat the
with The Dark Cloud (above) send them to Christian at email@example.com
I've been staying up late to get this week's issues done and I can't keep up the pace.
John the Insane has the ear of the man who can whim your death.
I didn't accidentally tell you that.
If President Crooked says,
terrorist on secret trial,"
that person might be legally dead before the sun sets.
That's not something Comedyboy made up.
That's not a gag.
That's America when we no longer have a vote.
That's America under the Unelected Fraud backed by a whore court.
Smirk has "Secret trial"
power, because most Democrats said,
"Bush is an honest and fair leader who has my complete confidence."
Please, somebody TELL
ME why the Democrats are all
wetting their pants in fear that they might displease Usurperboy.
Can they all be SO guilty
that Rove knows about every prostitute?
Has Rove been thru all the Democrat's taxes (cept Hillary's)
and found something with which to blackmail the scared weenies?
The Democrats gave up
and laid down when their country needed them.
I saw a thing today that the Democrats were in so much trouble,
Rush Feingold might be the one to save their ass.
Get that - Rush Feingold - Democratic hero?
PayPal to firstname.lastname@example.org
POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.