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Volume 920 - I already took his horse


 Weekend   Nov 2-4, 2002 


“When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
  Men invade another country.”
      - Elayne Boosler

 Conflict of interest for vice president?
  Why is Halliburton still paying Dick Cheney?

  Click  Here

"Even though he's no longer in Halliburton's executive suite, Cheney reported on his 2001 tax return
 that he received nearly $1.6 million in deferred compensation from the company last year.  Cheney is
 still receiving deferred compensation from Halliburton, but neither the company nor the White House
 would specify how large his payment will be this year or how long the payments will continue.
 This is cash that he's already earned. Yet it's also cash that Halliburton is accruing in part from
 its activities in Guantanamo Bay and Afghanistan.

"Whose payroll is he on?"

 That's an easy one - Cheney works for the B.F.E.E.
 He's getting tens of millions from them.
 His VP pay is chump change.

 Does anyone think Bush & Cheney spent $200M to get jobs that pay a total of $600,000?

 Big Man on Campaign

  Click  Here

"Ordinary Senate candidates look confused or sneaky because they hedge their answers.
 Not Mondale. He's too old to give a damn what people think. He knows what he believes
 and expresses it bluntly. In an interview on Minnesota Public Radio Thursday, he calls
 President Bush's tax cut a "disaster" and says Bush's pullout from the Kyoto global warming
 treaty was "dead wrong." When asked at the town meeting about Bush's approach to
 cleaning up toxic waste, Mondale replies, 'It's awful.'"

 I caught a few minutes of Gladiator last night starring The Muscle from Down Under.
 You know who I'm talking about - Fight Boy - but this isn't about him.

 Let's talk about Oliver Reed - is that his name?  He was one of those drinks-a-lot Englishters,
 like Richard Harris, Richard Burton, Dudley Moore or Nick the Brit.  (Just kidding, Nick.)

 Anyway, this is a very, very famous story you've probably never heard.
 Years ago, maybe as far back as 1987 or so, Oliver Reed was on Letterman.

 I don't remember exactly what happened, (I have the tape, but it's in the pile)
 but apparently Dave said something at which the very drunk Oliver Reed took offense.
 Reed turned into some kinda of weird person, right before our eyes.

 Dave would ask, (This is all made up, but I'm trying to make a point) something like,
 "So, Oliver, how was your summer?"

 And Reed looked at Dave and said, "The rabbit flies over the tree."

 Dave looks at the audience like ...what planet is this drunk bastard from?

 So Dave pushes on and said, "Tell me about your most recent film..."
 and that nutty Reed said, "Blocktu, ipso wingding aplenty on every Thursday in my butt..."

 Swear to Koresh, and remember, this is NOT a transcript, but Oliver Reed went
 into some weird zone and Dave was starting to get pissed. This nutty conversation went on
 for a while, and eventually it became clear that Reed was far beyond drunk, so Dave shot back
 with something that was a little smart-ass (Remember, Dave had his  "blue period," too).

 Naturally, with Reed being so drunk, he takes immediate offense to whatever Dave's crack was and
 (don't quote me here) I think Oliver Reed stood up as if he was coming over that f-ing desk so Dave
 used his heels and pushed his chair back away from the desk, getting out of the drunk's reach.

 The way I remember it, they went to a commercial and came back with a new guest.

 Can I get a 10-4 or an "Amen" or something on this?
 Is there a transcript anywhere?
 Surely a third of you must remember something about this.
 It was a really startling moment for late night talk shows.
 It was a hell of a lot more entertaining than Ed Ames throwing his tomahawk.

 So, if you remember this, or Koresh forbid have a URL to "Great Moments in Late Night,"
 send it to me 'cause I'd really get a kick out of reading those details again.

 What to do Tuesday Night?

 Remember in the old days, like the conventions and election night we'd have
 pictures of instant TV screen grabs and attempts at humorous comments?

 Well, we can't have that this year because I made the mistake of getting Windows XP.
 Windows XP is the biggest piece of crap ever.

 None of my old programs work on XP - not a single damn one.
 If you upgrade to XP, you'll find the same thing.
 Every program that you have now will have to be replaced by a Gates-approved program.

 Gates must be a Republican, because he's not only rich, he wants more riches.
 He's the richest man in the world, and he can't allow anybody else to sell you a program
 so he arranges for every program to break - if you're fool enough to buy XP.

 It's like Wal-Mart.
 They're not happy being the miggest, richest company in the world.
 They're not happy until they screw every other merchant trying to make a buck.

 It's like the BFEE.
 They're not happy with owning the US military and draining our treasury.
 They gotta own the world's oil, they have to corner the market on gold production,
 and they'll soon be selling fresh water to those poor bastards in southern Californis.
 And if you don't like paying their price for fresh water then you can just do without .

 Boy, if you think they were price gouging on their little Enron scheme, you ain't seen nothing yet.

 ...but I got off-track.

 We can't do an instant anything this election night, so I guess we can still meet in MIRC chat.
 If you're good, you can configure the MIRC instructions in 15 minutes, but if you're like me,
 (Koresh forbid) you might need help, so if you want to join us live Tuesday night, get to work
 now on installing that so you don't miss all the fun.

 And the BartCop Forum will also be a busy place, I'm sure.

 Nobody knows what's going to happen Tuesday night. One of three things will happen:

The Unelected Fraud will be put in his place by a Demo House and Senate, or

We'll still have control of one chamber when we wake up Wednesday morning, or

The Boy King will trade his crown in for a halo so he'll do any damn thing he wants from
     now on because once they take the House and the Senate and nothing can stop him.

I'm gonna win!
I'll win because I'm smart!
Nobody can stop me!
Here come the Taliban judges I need
to rewrite the Constitution and get rid
of those stupid elections so I can run
my country the way I want forever.

Consumer confidence soared under Clinton.
"1" shows where the Bush decline started and "2" is 9-11.
From Clinton's high of 147, we've fallen all the way to 79
because nobody has confidence in the Unelected Thief.

 One other things about Windows XP - it doesn't work.
 It crashes every hour, and it takes three times longer to re-boot.

 You'd be crazy to spend money on this crap.


"There are kooks on both sides, but the difference is, we run away
   from our kooks and the Democrats embrace their kooks."
    -- the vulgar Pigboy, whining about Wellstone's memorial

 Gee, Rush, are you sure the GOP runs away from their kooks?
 I've seen you guys embrace Randy Weaver, who illegally sold sawed-off shotguns.
 You fell in love with David Koresh when you found out he was "an armed tax resistor."
 You've always been a big fan of Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond.
 Paula Jones was the focus of your show for years, plus Linda Tripp and Lucianne the Bat.

 And if we're talking about the really kooky, what about Von Reagan and Dim Son?

 Mark Geragos and Winona Ryder

 Believe it or not, my good friend Mark Geragos has NOT shared his strategery
 with me on the Winona Ryder Hollywood trial.

 Being a courtroom veteran myself, I know the first rule is
 you never go to trial with a case unless you're going to win for sure.
 The idea that the jury will even hear this case tells me Geragos will win.

 The trick is you only try the cases you can win for sure.
 You don't see Geragos defending Robert Blake, do you?
 And yes, Mark was Gary Condit's attorney, and Condit was never charged with a crime.

 I've said it a bunch of times, I need to say it again.
 When they come for me, get me Mark Geragos!

 When Ashcroft declares  bartcop.com  an "enemy of the state,"
 I want Mark Geragos to explain my case to a jury.

 (In civil cases I'll defend myself, but if it's Smirky's death penalty, ...get me Geragos!)

 Brent Musburger is a football genius

 Calling the Oklahoma-Colorado game Saturday, the Sooners were kicking
 Buffalo butt 27-3, and Musburger actually said, swear to Koresh,
"Colorado needs to score some more points of they expect to win this game."

 Isn't there any way we can stop this from happening?

 That comment was so stupid, you'd think his last name was Bush.

This Just In...

 NBC's Tim the Whore has declared Tuesday to be a Republican landslide.

"GOP sweeps everything," and Tim the whore officially stakes his reputation on that.

 Just like in 2000, Tim has a Bush-certified "quick count" that tells the truth
 and Bush's cousin at Fox Whore News agrees with Russert.

 "It's a landslide for Republicans across the board," says the Bush boy.

 When asked why he'd call an election for Bush before the polls even opened, Russert said,
 "Everyone knows the Republicans are winners, and we have to get back
   to talking about the issues that matter the most."

 Here's a nasty thought

 No, not that kind of nasty...

 I ain't saying nothing here, I'm just asking the question.
 And if causes some Green to write, wear your armor.

 Do you think the Democrats have been accepting millions of dollars from corrupt
 bastards like the Enron boys and BIG OIL with the stipulation that they will go easy on the
 Unelected Usurper who destroyed the "one man, one vote" America?

 That just might be the case, and it's semi-brilliant strategery.

 Enron gives $500,000 to the BFEE to get the accounting rules re-written, and they dole out
 $60,000 to some Democrat who's willing to give Bush some Monica, so the GOP and their
 good puppy press can say, "Both sides accepted money from Enron."

  It would explain why the Senate Democrats regularly bend over for President Never Elected.

 Hey, I don't like the idea, either.
 But it answers a lot of questions.

 Have we been sold out?


“The people should elect a Democratic Senate and House of Representatives in order
  to keep the brakes on a jingoistic, saber-rattling, power-hungry administration headed
  by multimillionaires from corporate boardrooms. The president and his administration
  will be in office for two more years. The nation needs a Democratic Congress to temper
  the big business, cowboy agenda of the president’s team.”
       --Sen. Robert Byrd (D-Fighter)

 The article about Barbara Bush that Yale burned,
 the one the White House had banned and destroyed,
 has been found .

 Click  Here

 How Bush Sr. Almost Got Indicted For Fraud,
   by Al Martin

  Click  Here

 Greenspan pointed out in 1992 that the nation could not have survived another
 4 years of Bushonomics because what they had been doing could simply not be
 hidden for another 4 years. The economic effects of what they had done would
 begin to filter through the economy and at that point, the jig would be up.

 Otter takes a walk
   by Faun Otter

  Click  Here

 I got a call. The Call, I suppose you could call it.

"A team leader has dropped out and we need someone who can make it up
 as they go along. Can you go and canvas for the next three days?
 People seem to really like you on the phone - how about trying it face to face?"


"There is a pattern of this White House announcing its support for a general principle,
   whether it be prescription drug coverage or No Child Left Behind. Then, when it comes
   down to the actual realization of that goal, they — to use the president's term — crawfish."
      --Sen. Bob Graham


"Starting tomorrow, round up people and tell them to go to the polls Tuesday.
  Jeb is counting on you, and so am I. For the sake of Florida taxpayers, for the
  sake of Florida schoolchildren, for the sake of dignity and integrity in the office
 of governor, send Jeb Bush back to Tallahassee."
       -- the man who became president when his daddy's crooked judges
           stopped the counting of the votes in the last election

 Guess who turned 5?

  Water Fluoridation
 A cheap way to dispose of hazardous waste

  Click  Here

 The history of how we came to be adding fluoride to the water is long and twisted.
 The bottom line is that to dispose of the stuff properly is very expensive.
 On the other hand, to sell it to water providers turns a profit.

 Believe me, the stuff is toxic and is not good for you.  It weakens bones and causes nerve damage,
 for a start.  These effects are subtle at low dosages and may take many years to show signs.

 Weekend Sports Round-up

 Oklahoma beat Colorado the way John Fund beats women.
 Come January, they're going to kick Miami 's butt, too.
 #3 Virginia lost, as did #5 Georgia and God let Notre Dame down.
 My Razorbacks won, and Oklahoma State beat Texas A&M.
 Penn State won, and Nebraska lost, which isn't even news any more.

          A certain golfer blows chunks after realizing
            what an inept and pathetic tool he's become.

  ...and the Cowboys lost, so it was a full weekend sweep for the good guys.

 Election 2002
 What the Democrats can Expect
           by Bryan Zepp Jamieson

  Click  Here

 Next Tuesday, there’s an election.  You may have heard about it.
 It’s been in quite a few of the papers, and there have been one or two ads on TV.

 I think the Democrats will do fairly well.  I looked over the races this past week,
 and I think they are going to pick up about a dozen seats in the House, and four,
 perhaps even five in the Senate.  (The North Carolina race with Liddy Dole has
 suddenly become a toss-up).


"Fox News, let's face facts, is a relatively cynical undertaking, to begin with.
  It's taken the AM radio mentality and labeled it fair and balanced just to upset CNN."
        -- Jon Stewart on CNN's Reliable Sources

 Is Chirac behind “disgusting” plan to “ensnare” Bush?


 Click  Here

"Secretary of State Colin Powell today...summoned the UN...to expel France

 for allegedly using “disgustingly cunning linguistic tictacs and/or tactics.”

 The best case against war in Iraq
   by KHawkins

 The best case against war in Iraq (repeat after me):
 This war will make us less safe.
 THIS war will make us less safe.
 This WAR will make us less safe.
 This war will make US less safe.
 This war will make us LESS safe.
 This war will make us less SAFE
 ....okay, you get the idea.

 Iraq is simply NOT the greatest menace facing America. That claim is false, and will remain false
 no matter how many times Bush repeats it. The greatest threat to America today is Al Qaeda.
 The greatest threat tomorrow is a nuclear-armed AlQaeda. Experts agree that if Osama bin Laden
 gets nuclear weapons, it will be from the former Soviet Union or Pakistan, not Iraq.

 In his rush to war with Iraq, Bush is ignoring the danger in Russia. We are spending $1.1 billion
 a year to help Russia secure or dismantle its nuclear weapons and weapons grade uranium.
 This is the approximate cost of three days of war with Iraq. It is also one third to one fifth of
 experts think we need to spend to deal with this threat. "I do know people, and I'm one of them,
 who are up at night worrying about the security of the Russian arsenal," Laura Holgate of the
 Nuclear Threat Initiative told the NY Daily News in September.

 In his rush to war with Iraq, Bush is making things worse in Pakistan--a country that already
 has nuclear weapons, and many Islamic extremists in its government and armed forces.
 In addition to inflaming Muslim sentiment against us, the push for war with Saddam Hussein
 will inevitably lead us to complete neglect of our obligations in Afghanistan. If that country
 falls back into civil war it will put Pervez Musharraf's regime (right next door, after all) in
 great danger of collapse.

 In his rush to war with Iraq, Bush is pouring fuel on the fire in Israel. If we attack Saddam Hussein
 he is very likely to attack Israel, quite possibly with weapons of mass destruction. Ariel Sharon has
 promised that he will strike back, and has not ruled out doing so with weapons of mass destruction.

 I believe in diplomacy and internationalism and peace, I believe in them strongly. But here's the real
 reason I oppose war in Iraq: I live in Boston. I was born in New York City and most of my family
 and best friends still live there. And I believe Bush's war is going to make all of us much, much,
 much less safe.

Subject: Equal time for Repugs re:Wellstone

Your Bartfulness,

What's all this crap about the Repugs wanting equal time
for Wellstone's 3 hour CSPAN celebration?

They can't have it.
See, there used to be this thing called the Fairness Doctrine...

Kirk R.

 Subject: TIME Magazine on weed

 The latest TIME magazine has couple good articles about pot and potential legalization.

 Executive summary: Marijuana is way less harmful than alcohol or tobacco and nobody
 can come up with any good reasons for it to be illegal except the Christians who just
 hate it when someone does something that feels good.


 Within Reach of Your Hand
      by William Rivers Pitt

   Click  Here

 The pundits and talking heads describe Tuesday's election as nothing particularly special or important.
 There are no major issues at stake, they say. Even if there were, voter turnout will be low. The status
 of Congress will not change, they say. Nothing to see here.


 This is not just another election. The House and Senate are very much in play, up for grabs to
 whichever party gets the vote out. The issues at stake will absolutely and immediately define
 the future of this nation and the world.

click for more Pieman

 Take my day job - please!

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