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Quotes
“When women are depressed they either eat or
go shopping.
Men invade another country.”
- Elayne Boosler
Conflict
of interest for vice president?
Why is Halliburton still paying Dick Cheney?
Excerpt:
"Even though he's no longer in Halliburton's
executive suite, Cheney reported on his 2001 tax return
that he received nearly $1.6 million in
deferred compensation from the company last year. Cheney is
still receiving deferred compensation from
Halliburton, but neither the company nor the White House
would specify how large his payment will
be this year or how long the payments will continue.
This is cash that he's already earned.
Yet it's also cash that Halliburton is accruing in part from
its activities in Guantanamo Bay and Afghanistan.
"Whose payroll is he on?"
That's an easy one - Cheney works for the B.F.E.E.
He's getting tens of millions from them.
His VP pay is chump change.
Does anyone think Bush & Cheney spent $200M to get jobs that pay a total of $600,000?
Big Man on Campaign
Excerpt:
"Ordinary Senate candidates look confused or
sneaky because they hedge their answers.
Not Mondale. He's too old to give a damn
what people think. He knows what he believes
and expresses it bluntly. In an interview
on Minnesota Public Radio Thursday, he calls
President Bush's tax cut a "disaster" and
says Bush's pullout from the Kyoto global warming
treaty was "dead wrong." When asked at
the town meeting about Bush's approach to
cleaning up toxic waste, Mondale replies,
'It's awful.'"
I caught a few minutes of Gladiator last night starring
The
Muscle from Down Under.
You know who I'm talking about - Fight Boy - but this isn't about
him.
Let's talk about Oliver Reed - is that his name? He was
one of those drinks-a-lot Englishters,
like Richard Harris, Richard Burton, Dudley Moore or Nick the
Brit. (Just kidding, Nick.)
Anyway, this is a very, very famous story you've probably
never heard.
Years ago, maybe as far back as 1987 or so, Oliver Reed was on
Letterman.
I don't remember exactly what happened, (I have the tape, but
it's in the pile)
but apparently Dave said something at which the very drunk Oliver
Reed took offense.
Reed turned into some kinda of weird person, right before
our eyes.
Dave would ask, (This is all made up, but I'm trying to make a
point) something like,
"So, Oliver, how was your summer?"
And Reed looked at Dave and said, "The rabbit flies over the tree."
Dave looks at the audience like ...what planet is this drunk bastard from?
So Dave pushes on and said, "Tell me
about your most recent film..."
and that nutty Reed said, "Blocktu,
ipso wingding aplenty on every Thursday in my butt..."
Swear to Koresh, and remember, this is NOT a transcript, but Oliver
Reed went
into some weird zone and Dave was starting to get pissed. This
nutty conversation went on
for a while, and eventually it became clear that Reed was far
beyond
drunk, so Dave shot back
with something that was a little smart-ass (Remember, Dave had
his
"blue period," too).
Naturally, with Reed being so drunk, he takes immediate
offense to whatever Dave's crack was and
(don't quote me here) I think Oliver Reed stood up as if he was
coming over that f-ing desk so Dave
used his heels and pushed his chair back away from the desk,
getting out of the drunk's reach.
The way I remember it, they went to a commercial and came back with a new guest.
Can I get a 10-4 or an "Amen" or something on this?
Is there a transcript anywhere?
Surely a third of you must remember something about this.
It was a really startling moment for late night talk shows.
It was a hell of a lot more entertaining than Ed Ames throwing
his tomahawk.
So, if you remember this, or Koresh forbid have a URL to "Great
Moments in Late Night,"
send it to me 'cause I'd really get a kick out of reading those
details again.
What to do Tuesday Night?
Remember in the old days, like the conventions and election night
we'd have
pictures of instant TV screen grabs and attempts at humorous
comments?
Well, we can't have that this year because I made the mistake
of getting Windows XP.
Windows XP is the biggest piece of crap ever.
None of my old programs work on XP - not a single damn one.
If you upgrade to XP, you'll find the same thing.
Every program that you have now will have to be replaced by a
Gates-approved program.
Gates must be a Republican, because he's not only rich,
he wants more riches.
He's the richest man in the world, and he can't allow anybody
else to sell you a program
so he arranges for every program to break - if you're fool enough
to buy XP.
It's like Wal-Mart.
They're not happy being the miggest, richest company in the world.
They're not happy until they screw every other merchant trying
to make a buck.
It's like the BFEE.
They're not happy with owning the US military and draining our
treasury.
They gotta own the world's oil, they have to corner the market
on gold production,
and they'll soon be selling fresh water to those poor bastards
in southern Californis.
And if you don't like paying their price for fresh water then
you can just do without .
Boy, if you think they were price gouging on their little Enron scheme, you ain't seen nothing yet.
...but I got off-track.
We can't do an instant anything this election night, so I guess
we can still meet in MIRC
chat.
If you're good, you can configure the MIRC instructions in 15
minutes, but if you're like me,
(Koresh forbid) you might need help, so if you want to join us
live Tuesday night, get to work
now on installing that so you don't miss all the fun.
And the BartCop Forum will also be a busy place, I'm sure.
Nobody knows what's going to happen Tuesday night. One of three things will happen:
The Unelected Fraud will be put
in his place by a Demo House and Senate, or
We'll still have control of one
chamber when we wake up Wednesday morning, or
The Boy King will trade his crown
in for a halo so he'll do any damn thing he wants from
now on because once they take the House and
the Senate and nothing can stop him.
I'm gonna
win!
I'll win
because I'm smart!
Nobody
can stop me!
Here come
the Taliban judges I need
to rewrite
the Constitution and get rid
of those
stupid elections so I can run
my
country the way I want forever.
Consumer confidence soared under Clinton.
"1" shows where the Bush decline started and "2" is 9-11.
From Clinton's high of 147, we've fallen all the way to 79
because nobody has confidence in the Unelected Thief.
One other things about Windows XP - it doesn't work.
It crashes every hour, and it takes three times longer
to re-boot.
You'd be crazy to spend money on this crap.
Quotes
"There are kooks on both sides, but the difference
is, we run away
from our kooks and the Democrats
embrace their kooks."
-- the vulgar Pigboy, whining
about Wellstone's memorial
Gee, Rush, are you sure the GOP runs away
from their kooks?
I've seen you guys embrace Randy Weaver,
who illegally sold sawed-off shotguns.
You fell in love with David Koresh when
you found out he was "an armed tax resistor."
You've always been a big fan of Jesse Helms
and Strom Thurmond.
Paula Jones was the focus of your show
for years, plus Linda Tripp and Lucianne the Bat.
And if we're talking about the really kooky, what about Von Reagan and Dim Son?
Mark Geragos and Winona Ryder
Believe it or not, my good friend Mark Geragos has NOT shared
his strategery
with me on the Winona Ryder Hollywood trial.
Being a courtroom veteran myself, I know the first rule is
you never go to trial with a case unless you're going
to win for sure.
The idea that the jury will even hear this case tells me Geragos
will win.
The trick is you only try the cases you can win for sure.
You don't see Geragos defending Robert Blake, do you?
And yes, Mark was Gary Condit's attorney, and Condit was never
charged with a crime.
I've said it a bunch of times, I need to say it again.
When they come for me, get me Mark Geragos!
When Ashcroft declares bartcop.com an "enemy
of the state,"
I want Mark Geragos to explain my case to a jury.
(In civil cases I'll defend myself, but if it's Smirky's death penalty, ...get me Geragos!)
Brent Musburger is a football genius
Calling the Oklahoma-Colorado game Saturday, the Sooners were
kicking
Buffalo butt 27-3, and Musburger actually said, swear to Koresh,
"Colorado needs to score some more points
of they expect to win this game."
Isn't there any way we can stop this from happening?
That comment was so stupid, you'd think his last name was Bush.
This Just In...
NBC's Tim the Whore has declared Tuesday to be a Republican landslide.
"GOP sweeps everything," and Tim the whore officially stakes his reputation on that.
Just like in 2000, Tim has a Bush-certified "quick count" that
tells the truth
and Bush's cousin at Fox Whore News agrees with Russert.
"It's a landslide for Republicans across the board," says the Bush boy.
When asked why he'd call an election for Bush before the polls
even opened, Russert said,
"Everyone knows the Republicans are
winners, and we have to get back
to talking about the issues that
matter the most."
Here's a nasty thought
No, not that kind of nasty...
I ain't saying nothing here, I'm just asking the question.
And if causes some Green to write, wear your armor.
Do you think the Democrats have been accepting millions of dollars
from corrupt
bastards like the Enron boys and BIG OIL with the stipulation
that they will go easy on the
Unelected Usurper who destroyed the "one man, one vote" America?
That just might be the case, and it's semi-brilliant strategery.
Enron gives $500,000 to the BFEE to get the accounting rules re-written,
and they dole out
$60,000 to some Democrat who's willing to give Bush some Monica,
so the GOP and their
good puppy press can say, "Both sides
accepted money from Enron."
It would explain why the Senate Democrats regularly bend over for President Never Elected.
Hey, I don't like the idea, either.
But it answers a lot of questions.
Have we been sold out?
Quotes
“The people should elect a Democratic Senate
and House of Representatives in order
to keep the brakes on a jingoistic,
saber-rattling, power-hungry administration headed
by multimillionaires from corporate
boardrooms. The president and his administration
will be in office for two more years.
The nation needs a Democratic Congress to temper
the big business, cowboy agenda of
the president’s team.”
--Sen. Robert Byrd (D-Fighter)
The article about Barbara Bush that Yale burned,
the one the White House had banned and destroyed,
has been found .
How
Bush Sr. Almost Got Indicted For Fraud,
by Al Martin
Excerpt:
Greenspan pointed out in 1992 that the
nation could not have survived another
4 years of Bushonomics because what they
had been doing could simply not be
hidden for another 4 years. The economic
effects of what they had done would
begin to filter through the economy and
at that point, the jig would be up.
Otter
takes a walk
by Faun Otter
Excerpt:
I got a call. The Call, I suppose you could
call it.
"A team leader has dropped out and we need someone
who can make it up
as they go along. Can you go and canvas
for the next three days?
People seem to really like you on the phone
- how about trying it face to face?"
Quotes
"There is a pattern of this White House announcing
its support for a general principle,
whether it be prescription drug
coverage or No Child Left Behind. Then, when it comes
down to the actual realization
of that goal, they — to use the president's term — crawfish."
--Sen. Bob Graham
Quotes
"Starting tomorrow, round up people and tell
them to go to the polls Tuesday.
Jeb is counting on you, and so am I.
For the sake of Florida taxpayers, for the
sake of Florida schoolchildren, for
the sake of dignity and integrity in the office
of governor, send Jeb Bush back to Tallahassee."
-- the man who became president when his daddy's crooked judges
stopped the counting of the votes in the last election
Guess who turned 5?
Water Fluoridation
A
cheap way to dispose of hazardous waste
Excerpt:
The history of how we came to be adding
fluoride to the water is long and twisted.
The bottom line is that to dispose of the
stuff properly is very expensive.
On the other hand, to sell it to water
providers turns a profit.
Believe me, the stuff is toxic and is not
good for you. It weakens bones and causes nerve damage,
for a start. These effects are subtle
at low dosages and may take many years to show signs.
Weekend Sports Round-up
Oklahoma beat Colorado the way John Fund beats women.
Come January, they're going to kick Miami 's butt, too.
#3 Virginia lost, as did #5 Georgia and God let Notre Dame down.
My Razorbacks won, and Oklahoma State beat Texas A&M.
Penn State won, and Nebraska lost, which isn't even news any
more.
A
certain golfer blows chunks after realizing
what an inept and pathetic tool he's become.
...and the Cowboys lost, so it was a full weekend sweep for the good guys.
Election
2002
What
the Democrats can Expect
by Bryan
Zepp Jamieson
Excerpt:
Next Tuesday, there’s an election.
You may have heard about it.
It’s been in quite a few of the papers,
and there have been one or two ads on TV.
I think the Democrats will do fairly well.
I looked over the races this past week,
and I think they are going to pick up about
a dozen seats in the House, and four,
perhaps even five in the Senate.
(The North Carolina race with Liddy Dole has
suddenly become a toss-up).
Quotes
"Fox News, let's face facts, is a relatively
cynical undertaking, to begin with.
It's taken the AM radio mentality and
labeled it fair and balanced just to upset CNN."
--
Jon Stewart on CNN's Reliable Sources
Is Chirac behind “disgusting” plan to “ensnare” Bush?
Excerpt:
"Secretary of State Colin Powell today...summoned the UN...to expel
France
for allegedly using “disgustingly cunning
linguistic tictacs and/or tactics.”
The
best case against war in Iraq
by KHawkins
The best case against war in Iraq (repeat
after me):
This war will make us less safe.
THIS war will make us less safe.
This WAR will make us less safe.
This war will make US less safe.
This war will make us LESS safe.
This war will make us less SAFE
....okay, you get the idea.
Iraq is simply NOT the greatest menace facing
America. That claim is false, and will remain false
no matter how many times Bush repeats it.
The greatest threat to America today is Al Qaeda.
The greatest threat tomorrow is a nuclear-armed
AlQaeda. Experts agree that if Osama bin Laden
gets nuclear weapons, it will be from the
former Soviet Union or Pakistan, not Iraq.
In his rush to war with Iraq, Bush is ignoring
the danger in Russia. We are spending $1.1 billion
a year to help Russia secure or dismantle
its nuclear weapons and weapons grade uranium.
This is the approximate cost of three days
of war with Iraq. It is also one third to one fifth of
experts think we need to spend to deal
with this threat. "I do know people, and I'm one of them,
who are up at night worrying about the
security of the Russian arsenal," Laura Holgate of the
Nuclear Threat Initiative told the NY Daily
News in September.
In his rush to war with Iraq, Bush is making
things worse in Pakistan--a country that already
has nuclear weapons, and many Islamic extremists
in its government and armed forces.
In addition to inflaming Muslim sentiment
against us, the push for war with Saddam Hussein
will inevitably lead us to complete neglect
of our obligations in Afghanistan. If that country
falls back into civil war it will put Pervez
Musharraf's regime (right next door, after all) in
great danger of collapse.
In his rush to war with Iraq, Bush is pouring
fuel on the fire in Israel. If we attack Saddam Hussein
he is very likely to attack Israel, quite
possibly with weapons of mass destruction. Ariel Sharon has
promised that he will strike back, and
has not ruled out doing so with weapons of mass destruction.
I believe in diplomacy and internationalism
and peace, I believe in them strongly. But here's the real
reason I oppose war in Iraq: I live in
Boston. I was born in New York City and most of my family
and best friends still live there. And
I believe Bush's war is going to make all of us much, much,
much less safe.
Subject: Equal time for Repugs re:Wellstone
Your Bartfulness,
What's all this crap about the Repugs wanting
equal time
for Wellstone's 3 hour CSPAN celebration?
They can't have it.
See, there used to be this thing called the Fairness
Doctrine...
Kirk R.
Subject: TIME Magazine on weed
The latest TIME magazine has couple good articles about pot and potential legalization.
Executive summary: Marijuana is way less
harmful than alcohol or tobacco and nobody
can come up with any good reasons for it
to be illegal except the Christians who just
hate it when someone does something that
feels good.
--steve
Within
Reach of Your Hand
by William Rivers Pitt
Excerpt:
The pundits and talking heads describe
Tuesday's election as nothing particularly special or important.
There are no major issues at stake, they
say. Even if there were, voter turnout will be low. The status
of Congress will not change, they say.
Nothing to see here.
Lies.
This is not just another election. The House
and Senate are very much in play, up for grabs to
whichever party gets the vote out. The
issues at stake will absolutely and immediately define
the future of this nation and the world.
click for more Pieman
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Copyright
© 2002, bartcop.com
Shirley Manson of "Garbage"
