...a primer for spineless Democrats
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Quotes
"My next guest is a reeeeal Hollywood prettyboy..."
--Dave, introducing Clooney
last night.
(By the way, have you heard the Clooney/cat
box story?)
China Jails 30 People for Internet Use
Excerpt:
Human rights group Amnesty International
urged China to free at least
30 people jailed for using the Internet
to share information or express their views.
Amnesty says two Chinese Internet users executed
Excerpt:
Amnesty International issued a warning
today on its Web site that Internet users in
China could be killed by the State for
expressing their opinion online.
Those godless
commie slants know how to smother dissent.
We need
to be more like China in Bush's New Amerika.
'Draconian' budget cuts loom, governors group says
Excerpt:
The nation's governors said Monday that
states face their worst budget problems since
World War II and that millions of Americans
could face hefty tax increases or sharply
reduced government services.
This is the Bush Economic plan at work
They call it, "buying opportunities."
Bush tax cut = shortages in every state
Examples of Budget Gaps:
CA - 6,000 million
NY - 2,500 million
VA - 950 million
MI - 600 million
AK - 490 million
CO - 558 million
This is the Bush Economic plan at work
They call it, "buying opportunities."
'The fiscal train wreck has arrived' in California
Excerpt:
As tax receipts fell short of projections
in a faltering economy, California tried to
stagger through the current 2003 fiscal
year by papering over a $24 billion cash shortfall
with tobacco-settlement money and other
stopgaps. But lawmakers learned recently that
their plan isn't enough: An additional
$6.1
billion deficit has emerged since then.
This is the Bush Economic plan at work
They call it, "buying opportunities."
The memory of the Clinton Miracle has faded into history, while
we suffer thru
the B.F.E.E.'s rape of the US Treasury and its ripple
effect down thru the states.
The super-rich got hundreds of millions, or billions,
and the rest of us have to eat it.
But we looooooooove George Bush - because he's
never been investigated,
so we don't know what crimes he's been convicted of, or
is currently involved in.
...and we're stuck with him.
Quotes
"I wonder how many women have been batterered
into silence by feminists?"
-- Laura the Unloved, lying to her brain-dead
callers again
Yeah Laura, send them to Tom Delay, Dick Armey or Rush Limbaugh.
They believe a woman is a man's personal property and that she
shouldn't
have any say in family decisions because the man is the boss
- period.
Yeah Laura, that gives them lots of empowerment against
spousal abuse.
Accusing feminists of silencing battered women is illogical,
but when have the religiously insane ever shown signs of logic?
Our good friend Wolf has a web page now.
http://hometown.aol.com/wgrulkey/Eddycartoonpage1.html
The
Homeland Security Quiz
by William Rivers Pitt
This Just In...
A Tulsa carjack victim was forced into the trunk of her car at
gunpoint, then driven
around town for ninety minutes while in constant
cell-phone contact with police.
Hey, ...Tulsa's not that big.
Ninety minutes she's asking cops to find her car driving around town?
We have a crackerjack police force here in Knuckledrag...
Subject: Japan
Of course there is less violent crime in Japan.
It's not because they have fewer guns, it's because
they don't have a
religion that drives them to slay each other
because the imaginary cloud
being says it's OK, as long as they ask for forgiveness
afterward.
Guns don't kill people, imaginary cloud beings do.
Tim
Tim, I got to thinking... no, seriously....
Japan has no guns and very little violence, so you don't need a gun
there,
but America has 200 million guns and millions of violent criminals.
To me, that's proof you need a gun in America.
Bush promised to get bin Laden.
He vowed "to bring him to justice or
bring justice to him."
That's why his approval numbers went to the high eighties.
That was 427
days ago ...and counting
The good puppy press has forgotten,
the good puppy press has forgiven,
...but we won't.
What happened to "plain, Texas talk?"
What happened to "I trust the people?"
...and then,
...and then,
...and then
...in the November 14th USA Today, Page 4A, President Poppycock says,
"...I will chase those people down.
...it doesn't matter
how long it takes!"
Hey, Blank slate...
Osama is 45 - what, we should wait another 30 years to catch him?
Quotes
"The second season of "The Osbourne’s”debuted
tonight on MTV.
In this episode the kid with the purple
hair gets whacked."
I like to watch Ozzy with mom. Every
time they bleep out
a word she starts tapping on her hearing
aide."
--Dave
What does Marty E! have today?
Jimi Hendrix would be 60 today.
Nic Cage can't stand another minute with Lisa Marie,
so her third marriage fails after 90 days.
Jacko lasted nearly 8 times longer than Cage
High maintenance
gal
Judge Wapner hates Judge Judy.
Jane Goodall (of chimp fame) is taking cougars under her wing.
Russell Crowe is a prick.(who knew?)
TV Tip from Marty - Thanksgiving Day is stuffed
with marathons and great movies.
click
"Catch Me
if You Can"
Or ...sex with a supermodel on the cheap
Steven Speilberg has a movie coming out on Christmas called
Catch
Me if You Can.
Leonard DiCaprio stars as Frank Bagnale, the "greatest con-man
who ever lived."
I know a little bit about this guy, but he's a convicted con man,
so who knows if it's true?
What seems to be true is that he was very, very good, and after
he was caught,
the feds sprung him so he could give speeches to FBI types on
how to detect a con.
He also ended up on Johnny Carson seven times - you might remember
him.
The parts they'll show you in the movie include Frank posing as
a pilot so he could fly
all over the country for free. He also posed as a administrative
doctor and other stuff.
By the way, this happened in the 60's and 70's, when people were
a lot stupider.
He was such a smooth talker, you wouldn't even consider doubting
his story. For instance,
when he wanted to play pilot, he called the security badge people
and told them American
Airlines (or whoever) wanted to switch security companies, and
could they give him an
example of the security badges he could take back and show to
his boss. Once he had that,
he picked up some pilot's laundry and went to airports and hung
out in the pilot's lounge.
This way, he could go from town to town cashing checks and leaving
again before
anyone knew what hit them. All that stuff will be in the movie,
but let me tell you a story
that won't be in the movie.
Being a smooth-talking con man, he hung with the rich and famous.
Why? Because that's where the money is.
One day Frank conned himself into some charity function posing
as a doctor or something and he
flirted with the stars. He struck up a conversation with
one of America's first supermodels.
Later, she asked him if he wanted to go back to her place and
"party," just the two of them.
Most men would've said "Yes," right away, but Ol' Frank was slicker
than most.
He said he wanted to go home with her, but that he also
wanted to help the charity.
He told the supermodel he wanted to donate $10,000 to the charity,
and had to
leave to go and try to find a bank that could cash his $14,000
(bogus) check.
The unsuspecting supermodel fell for the con, and told Frank that
if he would come home with her,
she would cash his (bogus) check, give the charity $10,000 and
give him back $4,000 - in cash.
So Frank agreed, went to her place, and the two of them had an
exciting evening of passion,
for which the supermodel paid Frank $4,000.
The next morning, he thanked her for her hospitality - and for
cashing his check - and went back
to the airport to get another free ride out of Los Angeles.
Now, it's my best guess this story won't
be in the Speilberg movie, and they certainly won't be naming
the supermodel. But, if Leo has a pretty
girl cash a check for him and gets back $4,000 in change, you'll
know ....the rest of the story
Oh, and the supermodel victim?
Frank says it was Cheryl Tiegs.
Where did the Social Security surplus go?
To the richest of the richest!
And who did Colgate hire?
Nobody - they just pocketed the money.
Quotes
"Giving a speech in Germany yesterday,
Michael Jackson expressed
the common bond between Jews, Christians,
Muslims and Hindus.
Then, stressing the point, he dangled
a baby from each religion out a window."
--Conan O'Brien
Bush,
Jesus and the CIA
by R B Ham
Not qualified to be a greeter at Wal-Mart
May my
...help you?
Political comic Barry
Crimmins will be on the Peter Werbe Show today
at 1:30PM EST with
Peter's special guest host Juline Jordan. Available on the net
at: http://www.ieamericaradio.com/
Juline takes the air at 12PM EST, just before Mike Malloy comes
on.
Listen in and give her a call at 1-800-TALK-YES
Then call Mike afterwards.
Quotes
"Playboy Magazine announced layoffs today.
How bad is the economy when guys stop
looking at naked women?"
--Jay Leno
"The prisoners in the Sioux City, Iowa county
jail read, in the one
newspaper passed around to all the
blocks, that General Pinochet
has been arrested. These inmates,
the damned of America, determine
that George Bush Sr. is also
a war criminal, and plan how to bring
some sort of justice to these United
States."
One of those prisoners wrote a book.
Click to order before Bush kills it
"KGB is imaginitive and well-written."
- Danny Schechter, two-time Emmy award winne, CNN and 20/20
producer
"Fast-paced and suspenseful."
- Jill Barrett, Confluence Magazine, St.Louis.
KGB also recommended by Kate Thompson of the Sioux City Journal.
"Isn't it interesting that the killing
of the poor and anonymous is not illegal?"
- Author Mike Palecek
The Best of bartcop.com
I got an e-mail from Toni
asking what we had planned for upcoming Issue 1000.
She suggested a "Best Of" issue with the bits from the
past 925 issues, and she volunteered
to receive, colate and compile the best stuff from waaay back
when bartcop.com was funny.
If you saw a good or funny piece send the name of it and the issue # it was in to Toni at
If you want your name listed (or not) mention that to her, too.
They say they want to run against Gore again?
After he kicked their ass last time?
They always lie.
Quotes
"Mr Clooney, when you showed your ass in your
new film Solaris,
was that a part of the story
...or just a little something for the ladies?"
-- Dave's girl Friday, ...that lady upstairs that
he calls on Wednesdays
Back from the dead, yet again, it's
Third time's a charm, right?
Right?!
We need writers, so send me links, submissions,
anything to my email address:
stephen_l_baker@yahoo.com
You write it, I'll post it!
Stephen Baker,
BartCop Sports editor
Quotes
"The administration's interest in all e-mail
is a wholly unhealthy precedent. Every medium
by which people communicate can be subject
to exploitation by those with illegal intentions.
Nevertheless, this is no reason to hand
Big Brother the keys to unlock our e-mail diaries,
open our ATM records, read our medical
records, or translate our international communications."
—Senator John Ashcroft, Oct. 1997, before
he rolled over the Bill of Rights
Who's in a bad mood? The Vidiot!
Tons of people need jobs.
Tons of people have resumes - but where to send them?
If someone is in a position to hire people,
why non enable them to hire a non-Nazi who reads bartcop.com?
Coming soon!
Update your resume, but don't send anything yet - ...wait
for it!
By God, Bush has lost 2 million jobs.
We have nowhere to go but up.
VCR Alert - Goodbye to Sam Seborn on West Wing, Paul McCartney concert on ABC, Gore on Leno
.........
...before reading bartcop.com
......... .
...after reading bartcop.com
Subject: Bush's brain, Clinton-bin
Laden
by Phillip Schuman
Excerpt:
There is simply no evidence of Bush's doing
anything well in his academic career. Remember, this was a time
in which Bush was drinking heavily, and
partying hardy other ways with his fellow Dekes, where he was chapter
president at Yale. What do Dekes do beside
partying? Their other primary function is helping brother members
cheat on exams, get papers written, whatever
it takes to pass. It's an industry. There are many Dekes at Harvard
to help their brother members as well.
There is no reason to believe Bush even (barely) earned either of his
degrees in his party down days, boozing
and snorting. He did enough in extracurricular activites to get criminally
arrested twice or more (the Bush people
won't clarify how many times Bush has been arrested).
Homeland Security Department Unveils Official Seal
http://www.thespeciousreport.com/2002_homeland_seal.html
Stockholm
Syndrome and the Democrats
by pasty devlish
Excerpt:
The Stockholm Syndrome is an emotional
attachment, a bond of
interdependence between captive and captor
that develops 'when
someone threatens your life, deliberates,
and doesn't kill you.'
Sung to the tune of
"If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands"
If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi
And the bank takes back your Audi
And the TV shows are bawdy,
Bomb Iraq.
If the corporate scandal's growin', bomb
Iraq.
And your ties to them are showin', bomb
Iraq.
If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
We don't care, and we're not jokin'.
'Cause Saddam will soon be croakin',
Bomb Iraq.
Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb
Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections;
Close your mind and take directions,
This is how we win elections,
Bomb Iraq.
So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb
Iraq,
From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
Saying no would look like treason.
It's the Hussein hunting season.
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.
Thanks to Eddy
Click
to order
This issue could've been a little longer and it could've been
a lot better,
but they have me moving cars today like some minimum wage schnensenschloser.
Is bartcop.com worth $10
a month?
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When asked "More Gore?" 2/3 said "No".
click
Ho...
ho...
ho!
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Copyright
© 2002, bartcop.com
Shirley of "Garbage"
