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Volume 939 - The wind cries Jimi 

Please click on our sponsors.

Wednesday    Nov 27, 2002 


"My next guest is a reeeeal Hollywood prettyboy..."
    --Dave, introducing Clooney last night.
 (By the way, have you heard the Clooney/cat box story?)

 China Jails 30 People for Internet Use

  Click  Here

 Human rights group Amnesty International urged China to free at least
 30 people jailed for using the Internet to share information or express their views.

 Amnesty says two Chinese Internet users executed

  Click  Here

 Amnesty International issued a warning today on its Web site that Internet users in
 China could be killed by the State for expressing their opinion online.

Those godless commie slants know how to smother dissent.
We need to be more like China in Bush's New Amerika.

 'Draconian' budget cuts loom, governors group says

   Click  Here

 The nation's governors said Monday that states face their worst budget problems since
 World War II and that millions of Americans could face hefty tax increases or sharply
 reduced government services.

 This is the Bush Economic plan at work
 They call it, "buying opportunities."

 Bush tax cut = shortages in every state

  Click  Here

  Examples of Budget Gaps:
 CA - 6,000 million
 NY - 2,500 million
 VA -    950 million
 MI -     600 million
 AK -    490 million
 CO -    558 million

 This is the Bush Economic plan at work
 They call it, "buying opportunities."

'The fiscal train wreck has arrived' in California

  Click  Here

 As tax receipts fell short of projections in a faltering economy, California tried to
 stagger through the current 2003 fiscal year by papering over a $24 billion cash shortfall
 with tobacco-settlement money and other stopgaps. But lawmakers learned recently that
 their plan isn't enough: An additional $6.1 billion deficit has emerged since then.

 This is the Bush Economic plan at work
 They call it, "buying opportunities."

 The memory of the Clinton Miracle has faded into history, while we suffer thru
 the B.F.E.E.'s rape of the US Treasury and its ripple effect down thru the states.
 The super-rich got hundreds of millions, or billions, and the rest of us have to eat it.

 But we looooooooove George Bush - because he's never been investigated,
 so we don't know what crimes he's been convicted of, or is currently involved in.

 ...and we're stuck with him.


 "I wonder how many women have been batterered into silence by feminists?"
     -- Laura the Unloved, lying to her brain-dead callers again

 Yeah Laura, send them to Tom Delay, Dick Armey or Rush Limbaugh.
 They believe a woman is a man's personal property and that she shouldn't
 have any say in family decisions because the man is the boss - period.
 Yeah Laura, that gives them lots of empowerment against spousal abuse.

 Accusing feminists of silencing battered women is illogical,
 but when have the religiously insane ever shown signs of logic?

Our good friend Wolf has a web page now.

 The Homeland Security Quiz
    by William Rivers Pitt

   Click  Here

 This Just In...

 A Tulsa carjack victim was forced into the trunk of her car at gunpoint, then driven
 around town for ninety minutes while in constant cell-phone contact with police.

 Hey, ...Tulsa's not that big.

 Ninety minutes she's asking cops to find her car driving around town?

 We have a crackerjack police force here in Knuckledrag...

Subject: Japan

Of course there is less violent crime in Japan.

It's not because they have fewer guns, it's because they don't have a
religion that drives them to slay each other because the imaginary cloud
being says it's OK, as long as they ask for forgiveness afterward.

Guns don't kill people, imaginary cloud beings do.


Tim, I got to thinking... no, seriously....

Japan has no guns and very little violence, so you don't need a gun there,
but America has 200 million guns and millions of violent criminals.

To me, that's proof you need a gun in America.

 Bush  promised  to get bin Laden.

 He vowed "to bring him to justice or bring justice to him."
 That's why his approval numbers went to the high eighties.
 That was 427 days ago ...and counting

 The good puppy press has forgotten,
 the good puppy press has forgiven,

 ...but we won't.

 What happened to "plain, Texas talk?"
 What happened to "I trust the people?"

 ...and then,
 ...and then,
 ...and then

 ...in the November 14th USA Today, Page 4A, President Poppycock says,

"...I will chase those people down.
  ...it doesn't matter how long it takes!"

 Hey, Blank slate...

 Osama is 45 - what, we should wait another 30 years to catch him?


"The second season of "The Osbourne’s”debuted tonight on MTV.
  In this episode the kid with the purple hair gets whacked."
  I like to watch Ozzy with mom. Every time they bleep out
  a word she starts tapping on her hearing aide."

What does Marty E! have today?

Jimi Hendrix would be 60 today.
Nic Cage can't stand another minute with Lisa Marie,
so her third marriage fails after 90 days.
Jacko lasted nearly 8 times longer than Cage

High maintenance gal

Judge Wapner hates Judge Judy.
                      Jane Goodall (of chimp fame) is taking cougars under her wing.
Russell Crowe is a prick.(who knew?)

TV Tip from Marty - Thanksgiving Day is stuffed
with marathons and great movies.


"Catch Me if You Can"
   Or ...sex with a supermodel on the cheap

 Steven Speilberg has a movie coming out on Christmas called Catch Me if You Can.
 Leonard DiCaprio stars as Frank Bagnale, the "greatest con-man who ever lived."

 I know a little bit about this guy, but he's a convicted con man, so who knows if it's true?
 What seems to be true is that he was very, very good, and after he was caught,
 the feds sprung him so he could give speeches to FBI types on how to detect a con.
 He also ended up on Johnny Carson seven times - you might remember him.

 The parts they'll show you in the movie include Frank posing as a pilot so he could fly
 all over the country for free. He also posed as a administrative doctor and other stuff.
 By the way, this happened in the 60's and 70's, when people were a lot stupider.

 He was such a smooth talker, you wouldn't even consider doubting his story. For instance,
 when he wanted to play pilot, he called the security badge people and told them American
 Airlines (or whoever) wanted to switch security companies, and could they give him an
 example of the security badges he could take back and show to his boss. Once he had that,
 he picked up some pilot's laundry and went to airports and hung out in the pilot's lounge.

 This way, he could go from town to town cashing checks and leaving again before
 anyone knew what hit them. All that stuff will be in the movie, but let me tell you a story
 that won't be in the movie.

 Being a smooth-talking con man, he hung with the rich and famous.
 Why? Because that's where the money is.

 One day Frank conned himself into some charity function posing as a doctor or something and he
 flirted with the stars.  He struck up a conversation with one of America's first supermodels.
 Later, she asked him if he wanted to go back to her place and "party," just the two of them.

 Most men would've said "Yes," right away, but Ol' Frank was slicker than most.
 He said he wanted to go home with her, but that he also wanted to help the charity.
 He told the supermodel he wanted to donate $10,000 to the charity, and had to
 leave to go and try to find a bank that could cash his $14,000 (bogus) check.

 The unsuspecting supermodel fell for the con, and told Frank that if he would come home with her,
 she would cash his (bogus) check, give the charity $10,000 and give him back $4,000 - in cash.
 So Frank agreed, went to her place, and the two of them had an exciting evening of passion,
 for which the supermodel paid Frank $4,000.

 The next morning, he thanked her for her hospitality - and for cashing his check - and went back
 to the airport to get another free ride out of Los Angeles.  Now, it's my best guess this story won't
 be in the Speilberg movie, and they certainly won't be naming the supermodel. But, if Leo has a pretty
 girl cash a check for him and gets back $4,000 in change, you'll know ....the rest of the story

 Oh, and the supermodel victim?

Frank says it was Cheryl Tiegs.

Where did the Social Security surplus go?

To the richest of the richest!
And who did Colgate hire?

Nobody - they just pocketed the money.


 "Giving a speech in Germany yesterday, Michael Jackson expressed
  the common bond between Jews, Christians, Muslims and Hindus.
  Then, stressing the point, he dangled a baby from each religion out a window."
       --Conan O'Brien

 Bush, Jesus and the CIA
   by R B Ham

  Click  Here

Not qualified to be a greeter at Wal-Mart

May my ...help you?

 Political comic Barry Crimmins will be on the Peter Werbe Show today at 1:30PM EST with
 Peter's special guest host Juline Jordan. Available on the net at:  http://www.ieamericaradio.com/
 Juline takes the air at 12PM EST, just before Mike Malloy comes on.

 Listen in and give her a call at 1-800-TALK-YES
 Then call Mike afterwards.


 "Playboy Magazine announced layoffs today.
  How bad is the economy when guys stop looking at naked women?"
     --Jay Leno

"The prisoners in the Sioux City, Iowa county jail read, in the one
  newspaper passed around to all the blocks, that General Pinochet
  has been arrested.  These inmates, the damned of America, determine
  that George Bush Sr.  is also a war criminal, and plan how to bring
  some sort of justice to these United States."

  One of those prisoners wrote a book.

       Click to order before Bush kills it

"KGB is imaginitive and well-written."
  - Danny Schechter, two-time Emmy award winne, CNN and 20/20 producer

"Fast-paced and suspenseful."
 - Jill Barrett, Confluence Magazine, St.Louis.

 KGB also recommended by Kate Thompson of the Sioux City Journal.

 "Isn't it interesting that the killing of the poor and anonymous is not illegal?"
    - Author Mike Palecek

 The Best of bartcop.com

 I got an e-mail from Toni asking what we had planned for upcoming Issue 1000.
 She suggested a "Best Of" issue with the bits from the past 925 issues, and she volunteered
 to receive, colate and compile the best stuff from waaay back when  bartcop.com  was funny.

 If you saw a good or funny piece send the name of it and the issue # it was in to Toni at


 If you want your name listed (or not) mention that to her, too.

They say they want to run against Gore again?
After he kicked their ass last time?
They always lie.


"Mr Clooney, when you showed your ass in your new film Solaris,
  was that a part of the story   ...or just a little something for the ladies?"
    -- Dave's girl Friday, ...that lady upstairs that he calls on Wednesdays

 Back from the dead, yet again, it's

 Third time's a charm, right?


 We need writers, so send me links, submissions, anything to my email address:

 You write it, I'll post it!

 Stephen Baker,
 BartCop Sports editor


"The administration's interest in all e-mail is a wholly unhealthy precedent. Every medium
 by which people communicate can be subject to exploitation by those with illegal intentions.
 Nevertheless, this is no reason to hand Big Brother the keys to unlock our e-mail diaries,
 open our ATM records, read our medical records, or translate our international communications."
     —Senator John Ashcroft, Oct. 1997, before he rolled over the Bill of Rights

 Who's in a bad mood?  The Vidiot!

   Click  Here

He's been drinking again.

...still off pretzels though.

 What about a help wanted/resume page?

 Tons of people need jobs.
 Tons of people have resumes - but where to send them?

 If someone is in a position to hire people,
 why non enable them to hire a non-Nazi who reads  bartcop.com?

 Coming soon!
 Update your resume, but don't send anything yet - ...wait for it!

 By God, Bush has lost 2 million jobs.
 We have nowhere to go but up.

 VCR Alert - Goodbye to Sam Seborn on West Wing, Paul McCartney concert on ABC, Gore on Leno

     ...before reading  bartcop.com

......... .
     ...after reading  bartcop.com

Subject: Bush's brain, Clinton-bin Laden
    by Phillip Schuman

  Click  Here

 There is simply no evidence of Bush's doing anything well in his academic career. Remember, this was a time
 in which Bush was drinking heavily, and partying hardy other ways with his fellow Dekes, where he was chapter
 president at Yale. What do Dekes do beside partying? Their other primary function is helping brother members
 cheat on exams, get papers written, whatever it takes to pass. It's an industry. There are many Dekes at Harvard
 to help their brother members as well. There is no reason to believe Bush even (barely) earned either of his
 degrees in his party down days, boozing and snorting. He did enough in extracurricular activites to get criminally
 arrested twice or more (the Bush people won't clarify how many times Bush has been arrested).

 Homeland Security Department Unveils Official Seal


 Stockholm Syndrome and the Democrats
   by pasty devlish

  Click  Here

 The Stockholm Syndrome is an emotional attachment, a bond of
 interdependence between captive and captor that develops 'when
 someone threatens your life, deliberates, and doesn't kill you.'

  Sung to the tune of
 "If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands"
 If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
 If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
 If the terrorists are Saudi
 And the bank takes back your Audi
 And the TV shows are bawdy,
 Bomb Iraq.
 If the corporate scandal's growin', bomb Iraq.
 And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq.
 If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
 We don't care, and we're not jokin'.
 'Cause Saddam will soon be croakin',
 Bomb Iraq.
 Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
 From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
 So to hell with the inspections;
 Close your mind and take directions,
 This is how we win elections,
 Bomb Iraq.
 So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
 From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
 Saying no would look like treason.
 It's the Hussein hunting season.
 Even if we have no reason,
 Bomb Iraq.

 Thanks to Eddy

 Click to order

 This issue could've been a little longer and it could've been a lot better,
 but they have me moving cars today like some minimum wage schnensenschloser.
  Is  bartcop.com  worth $10 a month?

  Click  Here  to get links for other amounts

When asked "More Gore?" 2/3 said "No".


Ho...                 ho...                 ho!

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