...a learning guide for bunny Democrats
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President Junior is a war criminal
...just like his daddy
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"Al Gore is on the show tonight.
He's here to make me look exciting."
Troubles Deepen for the Secret Cervix
Because of personnel shortages, Secret Service executives must assign rookies
to security posts around the White House, the VP's’ residence, and foreign missions.
Many of these recruits have not been fully trained or, in some cases, had criminal
background checks completed.
So, a pretend president gets rookies handling his security?
Sounds right to me...
"Hey, let's get one of those home satellite
Then we can stop sucking on the six-network teat."
-- Bart Simpson
Atheist Scout fights decision to boot him
The Chief Seattle Council of the Boy Scouts has given Eagle Scout Darrell Lambert
about a week to decide "in his heart" if he's truly an atheist. If he insists on sticking to
his belief that there is no God, the Council will terminate his membership.
"No way" is he going to change his beliefs, says
"It'd be like me asking them to change their belief. It's not going to happen."
They're teaching these kids that dishonesty is the best policy.
Screw what you believe, we want you to lie while taking an oath?
The story is a month old, so I guess they booted the kid for telling the truth.
So you kids out there, if you want to get ahead, learn to lie like a politician,
and brush up on your religious insanity to please your bosses.
"Jennifer Lopez announced she's engaged to
It's the third marriage for Lopex, the first for Affleck, and the last for neither."
-- Tina Fey, Weekend Update
Just kidding, Ben
Perry vs Tamara Baker
(Bet on the Baker gal)
Alert - I know there are dozens of you
who can't get into U2.
But you should watch their CBS special tonight.
Tell me there's another performer on the planet that can connect with
their audience more than what you're going to see Bono do tonight.
I think you gotta go into the past - Elvis, The Beatles, Hendrix,
so find somebody who can compete with what you're going to see tonight.
If I'm wrong, write and tell me about it.
Subject: "Bush is anything but moronic"
I don't think your friend Mr. Miller is telling us anything new.
>"Bush is a guy who is absolutely proud of his
own inflexibility and rectitude," he says.
>"He can't keep his focus on things that mean nothing to him."
If that isn't a classic profile of a moron, I don't know what is.
"Astronomers said last week's meteor shower
over Europe was the biggest in history.
France got very excited about it, and asked, "What's a shower?"
Wing Gets Gored
with response by FizzTwo in green, BartCop in black
What does Marty E! have today?
Grammy Lifetime Achievement awards have been announced.
McCartney, Ringo and Eric Clapner at the George Harrison
tribute concert tonight at London's Royal Albert Hall
Too many ghosts in bed with Lisa Marie & Nic Cage?
Britney Spears will be 21 on Monday.
And a picture of a baby panda
Subject: Iraq inspections: what they really mean
I have never seen the take on the "U.N."
inspections played out this way, but it probably has been, somewhere.
But I thought I would send it along in case it hasn't been.
We all know, because Richard Perle has told
us, that BFEE is going to invade Iraq, regardless of what the
U.N. Fig Leaf (UNFL) finds in the way of WMDs. Perle even said as part of the justification that one can
never prove the negative, i.e., even if no WMDs are found, that doesn't mean Iraq has none.
So why the delay for inspections? Well,
there is the fig leaf part. If, by doing the UN Dance (C), you can
the wayward wafflers out there, or give cover to the threatened and closeted supporters, that would be a Good Thing
(TM) for the BFEE. Maybe we could get all the way to twelve allies, as in The Gulf War I (SM).
But the important part is war-fighting.
The U.S. already has much intelligence via our satellites, apart from whatever
in-country assets (spies) it may have. And there have certainly been intercepts, air-to-ground radar, and whatever else
comes from the weekly-to-daily pounding and reconnaissance overflights of the "no-fly zone". But the UNFL will
provide opportunity to put more assets on the ground in the most sensitive places, and with presumed unlimited
access to all of Iraq.
Any WMDs or other armaments that are destroyed
or rendered unusable give a clearer field of fire and fewer
threats for U.S. soldiers to face when the invasion comes. This is of course good for the U.S., but also good for
the BFEE because they will then get a much higher approval rating from the lack of casualties and body bags.
Plus, the more infrastructure that remains, the faster BFEE can begin its expansion into becoming the
BFEOC (Bush Family Evil Oil Cartel).
The Hammer for the modern day
by Phillip Schuman
Greeted by the king of the city, Utgard-Loki, the three were asked to prove themselves
worthy to sit at table with giants, and Thialfi offered to race their fastest youth, but though
he ran his fastest, his opponent always outstripped him, sometimes arriving back at the finish
line before Thialfi had left. Disheartened, the boy admitted he was defeated, and Loki
challenged their best eater. Although he ate like a horse, Loki could not beat his opponent
either, who not only ate the meat and bones, but the dishes and table as well.
"You know we see it in foreign countries and
'How can this religious fundamentalism become so violent?'
Well, it's that same shrill rhetoric, it's that same shrill power
that motivates. ... And that's happening in this country."
-- Tom Daschle, stupidly telling the truth again
Christina Aguilera's Nipple Tweaker Goes on Strike
Protesting unfair working conditions, the man responsible for keeping
Christina Aguilera's nipples in a permanent state of arousal has walked out.
Call for nominations: the Al-Q'aeda Achievement Awards
I'd like to request your knowledgeable input for
an upcoming satirical feature in
The Specious Report next month. The story will "recognize" American individuals
and/or groups who have helped to kill, injure, misinform, or generally degrade the
quality of life for Americans over the past twelve months.
To Enron and Arthur Andersen for destroying confidence in the American
economy more than Al-Q'aeda could ever dream of doing.
To Ford and GM for aggressively marketing SUVs
that kill more Americans every year
than the Sept. 11th attacks and insuring continued dependence on Mid East oil.
To local TV news stations for endless stories
about car chases, shark attacks, celebrity
misbehavior and other sensational ratings-grabbers, thereby abdicating their responsibility
to inform and educate the public.
Please give it some thought and send your nominations
Feel free to submit as many nominations as you see fit.
Your participation is greatly appreciated,
Dale McFarland, editor
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His surrender "as predictable as it was spineless"
But Chrétien was neither willing nor able to mount a political defence of his aide, or expose the
right-wing forces behind the Ducros furor. Instead the prime minister tried to appease them.
He told a November 22 press conference that Ducros had made a mistake while trying to
defend Bush in an argument, then added the US President “is a friend of mine.”
Ducros had submitted her resignation, said Chrétien, but he had not accepted it.
Sensing weakness, the right wing and the media amplified their attacks, recycling diatribes from the US ....
Chrétien’s surrender was as predictable
as it was spineless.
On Tuesday he announced he had accepted Ducros’ resignation.
So, another guy bows to kiss the ring of the Unelected Fraud.
Ducros should be given a medal for being one of the very few who has told the truth.
America's "president" is a greedy, oil-thirsty moron with blood all over his hands.
He's making money for America's whore press, so ...they're on the team.
Ho... ho... ho!
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