POLITICS-SARCASM-FINE TEQUILA-VEGAS  HUMOR-SPORTS-GARBAGE-ENTERTAINMENT
Diebold? Why They Lied The Myth of the Liberal Media  BartCop Store New to BartCop? Reagan was famous The vote was rigged?  BartCop Forum Live CHAT		PayPal to  bartcop@bartcop.com  .Support Bartcop.com  PO Box 54466....Tulsa, OK  74155		Back Issues Bart Cook BartCop Sports BC Entertainment Buzzflash Demo U-Ground  Contact us Eric Alterman Gene Lyons Joe Conason J M Marshall MediaWhoresOnline Mike Malloy Project 60 Smirking Chimp Vegas Report Your Ad Here MORE LINKS

 Great Quotes

"I now support a holiday for Martin Luther King."
    -- Trent the racist liar on BET

"Lott would support a holiday for Rodney King or Burger King
  if he thought it would save his faltering career."
    -- Rush Limbaugh, throwing his old friend (and fellow racist) to the sharks

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Puppet) the likely next chairman of the House Armed Services Committee,
 lauded the decision to proceed on missile defense and said Congress would likely approve additional money.
 He said an extra $1.5 billion would likely be needed over the next two years for the program
 that was budgeted for $7.8 billion in 2003.
 

 Comment:
 Because the Democrats have sheepishly given Bush everything he's ever asked for, the emboldened
 B.F.E.E. has stepped-up their plan to steal every damn penny from every person in America.

 Remember the rule: Federal overruns average 300 percent, so the $7.8B they claim they need
 will immediately balloon to $235B - and that's just to get the ball rolling in the next two years.

 Biggest Problem: This goofy-ass Star Wars doesn't work.   It never has.
 The only chance the Pentagon has hitting an incomming missle is when it has a homing beacon.
 If we can convince our enemies to equip their WMD with homing beacons, we may be OK.

 Guarantee: This bullshit system will be built by Halliburton, Carlyle and whatever other B.F.E.E.
 contributors want to be filthy f-ing rich - and who wouldn't?  Cheney quit his $24M a year job
 because he knew that was peanuts compared to what they're stealing now.

 September 11th proved they don't need a missle system to attack.
 If Saddam wants to, all he'd need to do is float a tanker with a nuke into San Fransisco Bay
 or Santa Monica, blow it up and watch the wind carry radiation eastward, killing millions.

 Operation Enduring Handjob is the reason every state is drowning in red-ink.
 The B.F.E.E. has transfered all wealth to the federal level where they can skim at will.
 

 But Bart, we're too afraid!
 

 So why the hell are you running for president
 if you can't stand up like a man and do your job?
 If you can't handle it, get the hell out of the way
 and let someone competent take over.

 Who gave Saddam his nukes?  The BFEE, of course

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Most of the sales were legal and often made with the knowledge of governments.
 In 1985-90, the U.S. Commerce Department, for example, licensed $1.5 billion
 in sales to Iraq of American technology with potential military uses.
 

 No matter what you think, Poppy Bush was president from 1985-90.
 He told Reagan what to do, what to authorize, what to sign.
 The B.F.E.E. makes millions/billions building up these monsters,
 then they make millions/billions "saving us" from the Hitler they created.

 But the good puppy press only wants to know who the blonde talking to Clinton is.
 That sells more papers, more TV ads, so they ignore The B.F.E.E. and their crimes.
 

 One question - if Ol' Bart was to "commit suicde" in some hotel room,
 (Oh, and the local coroner would guarantee it was suicide...guarantee it!)
 ...would you then admit I was right about the B.F.E.E.?

 McDonald's to post first ever loss
 Bush economy killing "restaurant of the poor."

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 McDonald's says quarterly sales are worsening, with sales in December showing poorer trends
 than October and November. The company has reported lower earnings in seven of the past eight quarters.

 In November, McDonald's said it would close about 175 restaurants, slash up to 600 corporate jobs
 and pull out of three countries in the Middle East and Latin America.
 

 I know someone we can go to for a quote: Ann Coulter author of Slender

 Ann, any comment on the McDonald's trouble?

 ...Ann?

 Ann, can you stop for just a minute?
 Ann, can you stop doing that for just a minute so we can talk?

 Ann!
 Stop for just a second, OK?

 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry - she just can't stop herself.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The Internet commentator Atrios, who played a key role in bringing Mr. Lott's past to light,
 now urges us to look into the secretive Council for National Policy. This blandly named
 organization was founded by Tim LaHaye, co-author of the apocalyptic "Left Behind" novels,
 and is in effect a fundamentalist pressure group. As of 1998 the organization's membership
 contained many leading Congressional figures in the Republican Party, though none of the
 party's neoconservative intellectuals.

 Quotes

"I think it's a good way to scare people so that they're more ready to accept a war on Iraq."
     --Hervé Bourlard, voice-recognition specialist, on why U.S. intelligence sources would
        describe the last 'bin Laden tape' as "genuine" and recently recorded

 Can anybody tell me the...
 Everette Dirkson "pink panties" story?

 When I was a wee lad, mid-sixties, now and then somebody would mention
 Everette Dirkson and "pink pantries" and everyone would snicker.
 When I asked why they were laughing, they'd say, "Oh, it's nothing..."

 Tell me the Dirkson story...

 Drudge says the vulgar Pigboy ran into Hillary at a wedding, apologized
 for being such a hateful prick/bastard/whore scumba in calling Chelsea "the White House dog,"
 then posed for pictures with her like he was an actual human being.

 Think I'm kidding?

 http://www.drudgereport.com  look up upper-right corner, but hurry.
 Rush will make him take it down.

 I'll bet he told Hillary,
"Sorry, it's just an act, I'm getting $600K a week slurring you and Chelsea."

 Quotes

"I just dismiss the premise of the question."
    --Ari Fleischer, on why Bush never speaks to civil rights groups, W.H. briefing, 12/16/02

 Subject: Susan McDougal's book

 I got my copy of Susan's book and couldn't agree with you more....it is EXCELLENT!

 Rather than relying on those whores at FAUX-NEWS and other media that do a pathetic job of
 reporting what actually happened w/Susan regarding Whitewater and her trial in California it is
 nice to hear what really happened, straight from the source.

 The book is very well written, and packed with information that can be used to bash silly
 knuckle-dragging Clinton haters with. I consider myself a political junkie, and was shocked
 at how little I really knew about what happened to Susan.

 I certainly hope Susan makes a lot of money from this book. It will never make up for the time she lost
 fighting to defend herself, but I think she deserves it for standing up for herself and others the way she did.

 Valerie

 PS...keep up the good work, bartcop!

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Spike Lee called on Colin Powell and Condi Rice speak out.

"Going to let some guy say something like that and you're not going to say a word?"
 Lee said  "GMA." "They are prominent African-Americans and they haven't said peep."
 

 As you know, I'm famous for my exactly-perfect analogies.
 Let's go back a hundred years, when we had an "Indian" problem.
 (Translation: before we broke them as a race.)

 What if the president in 1902 said he wanted to make peace with the Indians,
 so he was going to appoint two Indians to his cabinet as top advisors.
 
 But, the hypocritical sonofabitch appointed two Indians who thought it was OK
 for whitey to steal Indian land, rape Indian women and kill the Indian men.

 Geez, those Indians sure were lucky to be represented, weren't they?

 Swear to Koresh, there are NO blacks in the Bush administration
 and there are NO blacks on the Supreme Court.

 If you think there are and I'll straighten you out.

 Bush is a lying fraud claiming Powell and Rice are black, just like his crooked Daddy
 was a lying fraud when he appointed Clarence "Whitey" Thomas to the whore court.

 My good friend Pete from the chat room suggested this:

 http://www.mosquitonet.com/~letterman/chimp.htm

 Lott’s Departure Won’t Be Enough
   by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Even Trent Lott is learning that it’s possible to wake up one morning as head cheerleader and
 fraternity president, greeting an endless parade of friends—and then wake up again a few days later
 as Piggy, the unfortunate victim in Lord of the Flies, with that mob of friends sharpening their spears.
 

Quotes

"I believe the people of South Carolina can figure out what to do with this flag issue.
  It's the people of South Carolina's decision."
   --Dubya,  to cheers from Carolinians, during the Carolina primary where he
      repeatedly refused to say whether the Confederate flag offended him
 

 Bush is every bit as racist as Trent Lott.

 BTW, Don Rickles (R-K-Drag) wants to be majority leader soooo bad, but he's a racist, too!
 Yesterday, the OK NAACP rated Rickles an "F" on minority relations.
 
 Karl Rove won't let Lott's replacement be a carbon copy of Lott.

 Mail Bag

 Bart, keep up the good work.
 We'll win or we'll die trying.

 Jim in Phoenix
 

 Jim, no, we're going to win!
 We pagans have nowhere to go, so screw dying for the cause.
 Thanks for your letter.
 

 Bart,
 My main problem with the gun issue is that most of the people I hear talking about guns
 are (acting) like they're ready to take on the government and their "lawless" neighbors.

 Jim in St Louis.
 

 Jim, yes, that's why I have guns - because all the crazies do!
 Thanks for your letter.
 

 Bart,
 Wow, a gun owning, common sense democratic-liberal with the instincts of a pit bull
 and the go-for-the-groin style that even Pigboy would find excessive. Just when I thought
 that American liberalism was terminally awash in herbal-scented accomodation, here you are,
 doing what I've been waiting for DECADES for the American left to do: act like a man,
 take-no-prisoners and treat the Right like the greedy, callous bastards most of them are.
 And MEAN it!

 You are SO worth $10 a month. Consider me a loyal new fan!
 But sorry--the worst hangover in my life was from tequila
 -I've never been able to drink the stuff since 1978....

 Anthony F
 

 Anthony, thanks, but I'll bet you drank Cuervo - which isn't tequila.
 It's pretty hard to get drunk on real tequila.

 I keep meaning to announce this - our good friend Isaac Peterson
 has obtained meaningful employment with the Spokesman-Recorder in Minneapolis.

 No doubt, they caught his excellent work here on  bartcop.com  and hired him.
 He is an excellent writer and will, no doubt, be running that paper soon.

 Congrats to Isaac!

 Great Tom Tomorrow toon

  Click  Here

 While the B.F.E.E. takes over the world,
 Donkeyman Daschle and Hillary convene focus groups.

Quotes

"Jesse Jackson is one damn stupid nigger."
    -- Rush, second hour Tuesday, I heard it myself

 Well, maybe he didn't use those exact words,
 but that was clearly the essence of what he said.
 

 (Hey, Pigboy, how do you like your tactics used against you?)

 Subject: Susan Mc Dougal's book
 
 I went into Tower Records tonight and bought it.
 I noticed two men following me all around the store.
 I even saw the one guy look directly at it (and these FBI creeps make
 themselves stand out in a crowd, the Fucking Idiots that they are).

 Well, the Unelected Smirking Chimp and his Information Aware Office (didn't Hitler have
 something similar to this?) will know I bought the book because I used my debit card.

 Let them get all nervous because I'm exercising my right as a human being to free thought and speech.

 Me
 

 
 This is Field Marshall Von Ashcroft!
 I need a secret torture chopper stat!
 Go to  bartcop.com  and arrest and torture "Me."

 (five minutes later...)

 Damn, you guys are quick, now here's what I...
 Hey, ...what are you, ...not me, you idiots!

 Let go of me, I'm Field Marshall Von Ashcroft!
 You crazy sons of bitches - can't you tell the
 good guys from the bad guys? Are you nuts?
 I didn't mean arrest me, I meant arrest "Me!"
 
 Hey, what are you doing with that cattle prod?
 Why the hell are you pulling off my pants?

 Arrrgggggghhhhhhh!   Fuck  -  that hurts!
 Why are you  ...Arrrrrggggghhhhh!  Damn!
 ...Arrrgggggghhhh!  ...Arrrggggghhhh!" 

 
 Epilog:
 Former Senator and Attorney General John Ashcorft was never heard from again.

 He apparently was the victim of the Bush administration's zealous treatment of suspected terrorists.
 DC insiders suspect he was taken to Gitmo, stripped, tortured, multilated then murdered and
 dismembered and fed to the sharks - like the others.
 

 Please take the time to say a prayer for the innocent people who
 have been caught up in Bush's insatiable lust for oil and wealth.
 

 I'm no tax expert...

 But if you own a business and advertise on  bartcop.com it's my strong belief that any
 monies spent on advertising is a legitimate business expense and therefore tax deductible,
 or at least it's itemized on your Form 8643-FTD.

 I mean, you can send money to Smirk so he can gas the innocent Iraqi children or you could
 send it to PO Box 54466  Tulsa, OK 74155 and make the hammer pie higher, and grow your
 business bigger and make big money like a heartless Republican and put more food on your family.

 Also, and remember this is wild conjecture... ...but it's my best guess if those monies are received
 before December 31, you can take the advertising expense off your taxes THIS YEAR
 even tho you're getting the big increase business bonanza starting in January of 2003.

 And the bigger the check, you more food on your family!

 Remember - it doesn't cost to advertise on  bartcop.com
 It pays to advertise on  bartcop.com

 Susan McDougal's book!

 You gotta get this book!

 Books sold thru  bartcop.com  so far = 18
 Not sure why (I need a staff) but many people are getting 30% off.
 Maybe if you order two books you get 30% off?
 So consider buying two books, or buy the McDougal book and...

 A special shout out to Dominic in Allentown, PA

 Dom is having a little stay in the hospital, nothing too serious, but Dom's
 Democratic doctors say he'll be home and bothering Edith by the weekend.

 Woo Hoo!

 Party at Dom's house this weekend!

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The Supreme Court put the Bush administration on the spot Monday,
 asking for its views in a politically charged abortion case involving
 aggressive efforts to deter doctors from performing abortions.

 Quotes

"There I was, sitting around the leader with
   -- the table with foreign leaders,
   looking at Colin Powell and Condi Rice."
   --Dubya, asked earlier this year about his civil rights record
      and his decision not to meet with the NAACP
 

 So, the stupidest president in history was siting "around the leader?"
 And he thinks Powell and Rice are "foreign leaders?"

 ha ha

  Click  Here
 

 Germans on the run in Tunisia and Stalingrad.
 Japanese on the run at Buna, Burma and Guadalcanal.
 Pity we can't be that successful against our fascists.

 Quotes

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock."
       --Will Rogers, Democrat

 New Years

 My New Years resolution is to build  bartcop.com  and  BartCop Radio
 into internet juggernauts that will give the red-ass to racist Republicans.

 What's yours?

  Is  bartcop.com  worth $5 a month?

  Click  Here   to go crazy and get BartCop Radio started tomoro!

 Subject: Council of Conservative Citizens page

 Bart,

 When checking out your link to the cofcc site and the article by Millard that
 you posted in Issue 953.  I was at work and I got the attached result.

 Heeheeheehahahahohoho, I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

 Mark
 

 You mean Trent Lott's home page is censored?

 Conseco Files 3rd Largest U.S. Bankruptcy
  Another buying opportunity for Bush's super-rich friends

  Click  Here
       

 Have a job opening?   Need a job?

  Visit the resume page

  Click  Here  to e-mail your resume to Ed.
  Send him whatever details you want published.

 Shame on that guy  Tom Flucco  who posted that "Michael Moores" home was raided.

 Maybe he didn't techinically lie, but if I said John Wayne was my uncle,
 I'd be a liar of I didn't point out it wasn't that John Wayne.
 
 Thanks to all who wrote...

Search Now:

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2002, bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

              Shirley