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Volume 1062 - Over a barrel

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 Wednesday   May 7, 2003 


"Bush has found military readiness to be a handy campaign issue. Yet even though more than two decades
  have passed since Bush left the Air National Guard, some military sources still bristle at his service record
  -- and what effect it had on readiness. "In short, for the several hundred thousand dollars we tax payers
  spent on getting Bush trained as a fighter jock, he repaid us with sixty-eight days of active duty.
 And God only knows if and when he ever flew on those days," concludes a military source.
            --Marty Heldt,   The Truth About Bush's Military Service Record

"They wouldn'ty let me fly because they found cocaine in by blood.
  Since I couldn't fly I went to Mexico and drank Jim Beam and screwed hookers."

 DJs Suspended for Playing Dixie Chicks 
  The B.F.E.E. 'Crusade against America' has begun

  Click  Here

 Colorado Springs - Country-music station KKCS has suspended two disc jockeys for
 playing songs by First Amentment fans The Dixie Chicks.

 Station manager Jerry Grant said, "We pulled their music two months ago, and it's been
 a difficult decision because how can you ignore the hottest group in country music."

 The DJs support the president, the troops, the military and the right of free speech," Grant said.
"I gave them an alternative: stop it now and they'll be on suspension, or they can continue playing
 Dixie Chicks and when they come out of the studio they won't have a job."

 So - first offense for playing music not on Mr Rove's approved list gets you suspended.
 Second offense gets your fired and what comes after that? A visit from Johnny Ashcroft?

"We will toleratecertain  patriotic songs and vertain patriot speech, but stick to our script.
 Anyone caught playing songs on the banned list, or saying things not on  the list approved
 by Mr Rove will be subject to investigation. We don't play games with Mr Bush's America.
 This isn't Clinton's America anymore. We're changing America into Mr. Bush's own image.
 Goodbye Martin Sheen, goodbye Janeane Garafalo, goodbye Ribbins and Sarandon,
 goodbye Lyons, Conason, Alterman, MWO, and BartCop (we got a cell for him in Cuba).

"The USA PATRIOT Act is unconstitutional on its face because it attempts to make laws that 
  do not respect the the First Amendment of the Constitution of these United States. If our
  United States Supreme Court does not declare this act to be unconstitutional, then the members
  of that court are in direct violation of our Constitution and should be removed. Any member of
  Congress that does not stand against this act should be removed for failure to uphold the oath
  taken which states that he/she will protect our Constitution. If they do not do so, then they have
  failed to protect our country and should be removed from office. If the president of the United
  States does not stand against this act, he to has failed to protect the Constitution and should be
  removed from office..The Constitution is the entire basis for the freedom of our country. To nullify
  any part of it declares the death of our democratic republic. To silently allow politicians to destroy
  our country is an enormous failure of the citizenry...We must not become a nation of sheep,
  following any leader blindly into the wolves' den. We must learn to separate the wheat from the
  chaff and return our government to a sane and rational course."
    --Bridget Gibson,   Gagged by the flag

  "But Dubya is our friend!"

 Senator, please resign your senate seat today.

 Welcome to the Virtual U.S.A.
     by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here

 Evidently, Bush will run as a one-man reunion of the Village People, the dreadful disco act.  Having
 previously costumed himself as a Businessman (his ventures mostly failed), and Owner of  the Texas
 Rangers (he had a one percent share), he's added Cowboy and Fighter Pilot to his repertoire.
 In reality, his Texas ranch was acquired in 1999; Bush's time in the saddle is limited to golf carts.

 The Fighter Jock pose has more substance, as Bush did learn to fly F-102s during his foreshortened
 service in the Texas Air National Guard's renowned "Champagne Brigade" 30 years ago. The White
 House seemed to hint that the president himself would perform the landing aboard the Abraham Lincoln
 hundreds of miles at sea--far beyond helicopter range, Ari Fleischer assured the press.

 Missing in Action: Truth
    by Nicholas Kristof

  Click  Here

"When I raised the Mystery of the Missing W.M.D. recently, hawks fired barrages of reproachful e-mail at me.
 The gist was: "You *&#*!    Who cares if we never find weapons of mass destruction, because we've liberated
  the Iraqi people from a murderous tyrant." But it does matter, enormously, for American credibility. After all,
  as Ari Fleischer said on April 10 about W.M.D.: "That is what this war was about."

 I rejoice in the newfound freedoms in Iraq. But there are indications that the U.S. government souped up
 intelligence, leaned on spooks to change their conclusions and concealed contrary information to deceive
 people at home and around the world."


"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense,
  a theft fom those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. The world
  in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of laborers, the genius of its scientists,
  the hopes of its children.... This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of
  threatening war, it is humanity hanging fom an iron cross."

 Which Republican said that?

 Answer below

 Saw this on MWO

 So Bill Bennett's defense is that he never wrote about the evil of gambling?

 I notice he never wrote about bestiality either.

 ha ha

 Bennett is so guilty - what a fraud!

 That quote from above was from Dwight Eisenhower,
 the last Republican president not sprayed by the pardon skunk.


"I can remember walking up to my F-102 fighter and seeing the mechanics there. I was on
  the same team as them, and I relied on them to make sure that I wasn't jumping out of an
  airplane.   (big  smirk)  There was a sense of shared responsibility in that case. The responsibility
  to get the airplane down. The responsibility to show up and do your job."
      --Dubya, who failed to show up for a year, failed to fulfill his obligation for a year

Fake president,
thinks he's Tom Cruise in Minority Report


 "Congratulations to Funny Cide, winner of the Kentucky Derby. I ready today that
  $1.6 million was waged at the Kentucky Derby; ...but enough about Bill Bennett.

  Bennett says his gambling is a personal matter, and he’s not doing anything illegal
  and it’s nobody’s business. Or as he calls that in his book, the Clinton defense."
       --Jay Leno

 VCR Alert

 West Wing is tonight and it's not a repeat.

 Repeat - it's not a repeat.

 By the way, West Wing was 19th in the ratings last week.
 The GOP monopoly press keep harping on what a loser show it is in the ratings.
 If you don't count Law & Order, American Idol and CSI, it was 11th.

 Is that a weak show on it's last legs?
 ABC would kill to have a show rated that high.
 (I sent that to my good friend Bradley Whitford)
 On Enterprise, the crew have their first run in with The Borg
 Law & Order is new, what the hell?  Oh yeah, it's sweeps.

 PBS is doing a special on Hitler.
 I wonder if they'll do a segment of Prescott Bush's help?

 When was the last time you heard any conservative mention "less government?"

 When was the last time you heard them say, "The federal government is too powerful,
 and we need to get more power back to the states and the people?"

 They don't say those things, anymore.
 I guess that means they never thought those ideas were important.

 Since the illegal and corrupt commander seized power in the court-sponsored coup
 they've been silent on the evils of a bigger and more powerful federal grip on citizens.

 Why doesn't that scare them anymore?

The monkeyboy wants to wear his costume all the time.


"The worst damage Bush has done to America - and this is saying something - has been on
  the international stage, where his shirking of simple diplomacy in favour of rabid militarism
  has left much of the world looking over its shoulder at the United States, proclaiming it
  (quite justifiably) a rogue nation and a threat to global stability. So to recap, a nation in ruins,
  the rest of the world understandably terrified, and nearly two years to go.
      --Leo McKinney,  Bad news Bush

 Looking for a reason to like Bill Maher
     by the Grand Wazoo

  Click  Here

 While on "Hardball", the first person hadn't gotten the first question fully out of her leftwing mouth
 before Bill and Chris both started shouting her down. Now I expect this from Chris. This style of
 "shout `em down" TV is his trademark.

 But to my dismay, Bill even joined in with the "NA NA NA NA NA I'm not listening to you!" type of bullshit.
 For the record, the audience member was so poorly phrasing her comment/question that it probably offended both elitist pigs.


Please visit our sponsors

 Hey, Bart!!!!

 Check out


 Stanley Hilton was a top aide to Bob Dole, later a squealer who wrote
 the expose on Dole called 'Senator for Sale.' (!)

 Now he is the attorney representing a couple of hundred surviving family members of 9/11 victims,
 suing by name Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, etc., for allowing/causing 9/11 to happen for their own
 political or geopolitical reasons.

 This is an interview from March discussing some of his findings, and they are dynamite.


Marty's E! page
 Harper's Weekly Review
Bush twins, Ashton Kutcher & a hookah
Bill Gates on 'Now With Bill Moyers' this week
Tina Fey & the  $4 million deal
Hume Cronyn at the Guthrie
Elton John, Bernie Taupin, Ann Rice & vampires
Colorado radio - DJ's 'Dixie Chicks' - while Ted Nugent goes over the line
Sally Field, Kim Phuc & 'Save The Children'
The 'History of Hip-Hop Tour'
Jeffrey Jones looking to plea bargain
Nielson prime-time ratings
And a porta-potty with internet access



"No president since I've been a reporter has so tried to
  change the very structure of government to foster secrecy."
   --Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Jack Nelson, retired Washington
      bureau chief of the Los Angeles Times, on Dubya

 That's because we've never had a president commit crimes on the scale of the Never-elected Idiot

 To: thetonightshow@nbc.com

 Subject: Dense Miller

 With the facial hair I couldn't tell if you had Rush Limbaugh or Ari Fleischer as a guest.
 Guess it doesn't matter, same shit, different asshole but he stunk like two stripe-ed ass  apes in a feces fght.

 Bye Bye Boys,

     A Democrat fights back
     Fiction,    by Mike Palecek

 With his days of protest long past, Joe Coffee tells his wife, Jane, one day that he’s thinking
 about running for Congress. She sets his whim in motion and they get his name on the ballot
 in a rural western Iowa district. "Coffee Joe," as he becomes known, speaks out against prisons
 and the military and no one takes him seriously at first. But when his campaign begins to resonate
 with voters, terrified establishment politicians try to stop him. In a dramatic conclusion, Coffee Joe
 becomes a central figure in a hostage crisis involving disgruntled farmers. In an era of war in the
 Middle East and a conservative approach to the economy, Joe Coffee’s Revolution provides
 a refreshing alternative perspective.

Click  Here to order your copy today.

 [Palecek is a former federal prisoner, seminarian, reporter, and candidate.]

 Also by Mike Palecek:   Click  Here

 Subject: Unexploded bombs

 Sidebar: I can't believe the amount of mail this has generated.

 The reason that unexploded bombs are dangerous is exactly because they are unexploded.
 They are still live, armed, and ready to blow as soon as some curious kid picks them up or
 kicks them or hits them with a stick.   At which point, they rapidly lose their "unexploded"
 status, and anyone within 20 feet or so (for cluster bomblets anyway) winds up late for
 their next appointment (as in "the late Mr.....").

 Steve C

 Steve, I know, but it's a joke, like Carlin's "near miss" of two planes.
 No, it's a "near hit."


 From: Vincent White

 Subject: Bartcop is getting boring

 Why don't you drop all the tired, hackneyed themes (The war was for oil,
 Bush is illegitimate, Bush is a dunce) and come up with something new?

 I like to look at your site once in while to see what the liberal, left-wing scum is thinking.
 In your case, I use the word "thinking" in its loosest sense.

 Vince White

 Vince, how very nice to meet you.
 Tell me, what size ass do you have?
 (My boot was curious...)

 OK, let's take a look at your complaints.

 1. The war was for oil.
 I can understand why you'd want that subject buried, but where can it go?
 Those crimes are continuing daily, and will continue on until a Democratic president
 looks into Bush's phoney bookkeeping and tells the world what a crook he is.

 2. Bush is an illegitimate bastard who stole the White House.
 So, you're noit a fan of democracy?
 How long have you endorsed fascism?

 3. Bush is the stupidest man to ever walk the halls of the White House.
 Did he somehow get smarter in the last few days?   I'd stop saying that if Bush
 would, just once, have a real press conference with real questions from real reporters
 where the answers we get back are something other than "Saddam bad, tax cuts good."

 Plus, I know you're lying about checking in "once in a while,"
 You guys live and breathe  bartcop.com  You can't get enough of it.

  Just think how addicted you'll be to BartCop Radio..

 Speaking of addicted...


 Subject: Unexploded bombs

 Sidebar: I can't believe the amount of mail this has generated.

 Just because a bomb hasn't exploded, doesn't mean that it won't.


 David, it was a joke.
 Maybe the sarcasm will be more obvious on the radio show, which is coming damn soon.


 I saw the comments about Neil Young on your site...how sad that he has "turned".
 After seeing that, I decided to update the "Ohio" song...

 Dick Cheney and Bush are coming
 Their oil is in your ground
 The muslim’s are really bummin’
 Rumsfeld will kill them now

 Gotta be blind to it
 T.V. is showing us how
 Should've been Gore all along
 Nothing but bullshit cuz’
 Weapons have never been found
 How can you say what you know

 Dick Cheney and Bush are coming
 Their oil is in your ground
 The muslim’s are really bummin’
 Rumsfeld will kill them now…

 Paul B

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"The best movie over the weekend was "X-Men: Two”, it made $85 million last weekend.
  It’s about a group of mutants that want to take over the world. There’s Storm that wants
  to take over the world, there’s Nightcrawler that wants to take over the world, and
  there’s also Donald Rumsfeld."

 Halliburton contract larger than previously known 
  The B.F.E.E. is making multi-millions off this fake war every day

  Click  Here

 Halliburton's emergency, no-bid contract to work on Iraq's oil wells must be fully disclosed,
 says Henry Wxman (D-Fighter), pointing to the Army's admission that the company has a
 far more lucrative role than originally believed.

 Prior descriptions said Cheney's former (?) company would fight oil fires. The contract also
 lets the company operate the oil fields for a time and distribute the petroleum,

"Only now, over five weeks after the contract was first disclosed, are we learning that
 Halliburton may be asked to pump and distribute Iraqi oil under the contract."

 Yeah, they're going to "distribute" that oil, all right. The B.F.E.E. is making multi-millions
 in every direction imaginable, and I'm sure in some pretty unimaginable ways, too.

 Escape from America
  by Subversive Mike

  Click  Here

 The lies, lies and more lies that come from the Bush Administration lay a blanket of thick stench
 in the air that makes the smog of Los Angeles seem like room freshener. Some of the lies are small,
 like saying that President Knucklehead had to land on that Aircraft Carrier by jet fighter the other
 day because the ship was too far out to sea for him to travel by helicopter. As a matter of fact,
 the ship was so close to land that lights, camera and action had to be turned toward the open ocean
 so that the nearby Southern California coastline didn't mar the photo-op and associated propaganda.


"Did you see the Democrats debate over the weekend? The debate was so boring that ABC
  is going to pick the show up for its fall schedule. Half way through the debate Al Sharpton
  ordered a pizza to his podium. The winner was anyone with a remote in their hands."
       --Craig Kilborn

 Subject: forgot one hypocrite

 I read your hypocrite piece dealing with Newt, Hyde, Bennet, Etc...
You forgot one other major hypocrite. Rudolph Guliani.
 He had more than one affair while Governor of New York, yet he is a big hero.

 I think he performed well after 9-11, but still, why should we forgive him
 if we didn't forgive Clinton?

 Mark in Las Vegas

 Mark, good point. There were lots more GOP hippocrits,* but the internet is only so big, y'know?

 And what about those Catholics? You'd think they'd have enough pride to talk to Rudy, and ask him
 to sit someplace other than the front pew if he's going to bring his shack-up honey to church with him.
 What gall!
 It's like Rudy was saying, "Yeah God, I'm screwing this one - you got a problem with that?"

 But, the Catholics have a 2,000-year reputation for bending the rules for money and prestige.
 Who knew God's commandments were so, ...flexible?


"The Kentucky Derby was won over the weekend by a gelding from New York.
  This is the most famous gelding from New York since Frank Gifford."

 Sunday's Doonesbury was mostly in French
 Can anybody translate, ballon by balloon?

 Click  Here  for the translation

 Thanks to all who wrote

 Rummy the Genius Forgot About Nukes
     by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

 To Americans who read and worry about the most recent developments in Iraq, this ceaseless chorus
 of praise for the Pentagon hierarchy can only be reassuring. Because otherwise, the facts on the ground
 might hint that Mr. Rumsfeld and company are not very bright and dangerously incompetent.

 According to The Washington Post, a newspaper that fervently supported the war, the Pentagon utterly
 failed to secure Iraq’s nuclear facilities at Kut and al Tuwaitha.  The result has been wholesale looting, with
 unknown losses of such potentially dangerous radioactive materials as cesium, cobalt and partially enriched
 uranium. So far, Special Forces detachments have found at least two nuclear caches that were "plundered
 extensively enough that authorities could not rule out the possibility that deadly materials had been stolen."

 We now have some good candidates and are close to a decision,
 but there's still a day or two left to get in.


 We hope to have an announcement in a day or three.  The annoucement will be this week,
 because It's going to happen even if I have to take hostages, so stay closely tuned (stay tuned?).

 Swear to Koresh, BartCop Radio is going to be the only nomination in the "Best Other" category
 when that one web site does their "Webby Awards."  By the way, did you know the Webby's are faked?
 Yeah, ...they e-mailed us and said we could have one for $140.  I told 'em to take a f-ing hike.
 I'm trying to launch a damn network, I don't have time to try to "win" some plastic bald man.

 So trust me - it won't be long now.

 ...and it's not to early to get in for the bargain price of $5, because once we sign the contracts,
 the lowest tier may have to go to $6.50 to accomodate my silent and non-voting "partners."

  Is  worth $10 a month?

 You bet your ass.

 *I* think it'll be worth $10 bucks a day, because BartCop Radio is going to be exactly the no-rules show
 that I would produce if I had the chance to produce a no-rules radio show, and that day is near.

 Pretty soon "talk radio" is going to have a new flavor, and it won't be vanilla.

 Click  Here  to listen to todays calls to the 

  Click  Here   to get in on the fun.
 PayPal now accepts credit cards

 Once we start streaming, the download will take only seconds.

 Call  918-493-1500 - you have two minutes to rant away.

Today's Phone Calls.

 Did anything make you mad today?

 Tell us about it!     918-493-1500

Fake president,
thinks he's Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 2

 You MP3 rangers out there?

 Thanks for the TONS of soundclips.  My hard drive is filing up.
 I'm sure we have 200-300 hundred MP3s, and 40-50 CDRs that haven't been heard yet.

 So, for right now, we're doing OK on the bumper music, but can I ask another favor?

 I don't know what they're called, (I'm not yet a rookie) but I need some transition snippets, the ones that say,
"Bart will be right back to open another can of whoop ass of some helpless ditto-monkey," or
"He has a hammer and he's not afraid to use it - Bart will be back after this,"  or
"I pity the fool who brings up 'Somalia' when Bart's in the house," ...stuff like that.

 I got a great one from Mike Parker, but we're going to be doing a lot of shows
 and even great clips will get old quick, so I need fresh voices and fresh smart-ass-isms.

 Send your batches of snappy whatever-those-are-called to 
 Can you help an old altar boy out?
 I can't do this without help.

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Coming soon!........................
                                    Conason        ....      MCMiller            McDougal        Conason/Lyons       Huffington      ....      Palast                  Lyons

Note - Greg Palast's paperback has new material. Buy the paperback, not the hardback. Hell, it's cheaper, too.

   Click..to..order                  Click..to..order

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003, bartcop.com


 Maybe someday Shirley will call to say "Hi!" on the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be cool.

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