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Volume 1115 - Broiling in Baghdad

The Harvest of Hope Foundation:
Supports migrant farmworkers and their families with emergency aid

 Thursday    July 17, 2003 


"It is the press's job to ask anything about everything. I always do my best
  to give you the fullest answers from the president that I possibly can."
     --Ari the Liar, on his last day

 Ari, we're allowed to ask anything?

 How many times has George W. Bush been arrested, and for what crimes?
 How many felonies has he pleaded guilty to?
 How does Dubya feel about one taking personal responsibility for their felonies?
 Why didn't he get the same sentence that black men caught with cocaine get?
 What was his relationship with 15 year-old Robin Lowman and why did he pay for her
 abortion at the Twelve Oaks Hospital in Houston, TX (now the Bayou City Medical Center).

 Is raping a child a crime in Texas?

 ...Ari?  ...where are you going?
  I have more questions, Ari...

 What's is in Bush's governor files that he had to hide from the voters?
 What's is Reagan's papers that makes his daddy look so guilty that they needed to be buried?

 ...Ari, come back!

"How is this BartCop fella still alive?  I ordered him dead weeks ago..."

 U.S. General Says Iraq Has Become a Guerrilla War
  The head of Central Command says Rummy wouldn't know a guerilla war if it bit his ass

"Rummy's crazy!"

  Click  Here

"U.S. troops are facing a classic guerrilla war in Iraq spearheaded by Saddam loyalists,
 and American forces need to adapt their tactics to crush this increasingly organized
 resistance, the head of the U.S. Central Command said on Wednesday.

 U.S. Soldiers Complain of Low Morale in Iraq
  Watch what you say, boys - Bush doesn't tolerate opinions or dissent

  Click  Here

 Fed up with being in Iraq and demoralized by their role as peacekeepers in a risky place,
 U.S. soldiers aired their plight on TV Wednesday and said they had lost faith in the Army.

"If Donald Rumsfeld were here, I'd ask him for his resignation..."

"I would ask him why we are still here. I don't have any clue why we are still in Iraq."

"We were told the fastest way back home is through Baghdad and that's what we did. Now we are still here,"

"When I told her she started crying and I almost started crying. I just felt like my heart was broken.
       I could not figure out ... how they could keep us here after they told us we were coming home."

 Boys, you've just been punk'd by the deserted-his-post-during-wartime liar who lied to get you in harm's way.
 A real Commander in Chief always considers the safety of his troops, but not this crooked bungler.
 You see, he wants that oil really, really, really, really badly.


"None of us that wear this uniform are free to say anything disparaging about the Secretary
  of Defense or the President of the U.S. We're not free to do that. It's our professional code."
     --  Gen. John Abizaid, new commander in Iraq, warning the troops to "watch what they say,"


 Funny, when they called Clinton "the faggot-loving rapist," it was OK for them to speak.
 Remember, Jesse Helms said Clinton better not visit the troops without the Secret Service.

 But when Bush's idiocy is killing a man per day, it's important that they remain silent?

 Since I don'e get to hear any audience reaction to a page or radio rant, I sometimes ask for feedback
 for things like picking three minutes for the show promo that goes on the main page.

 Subject: Bartcop Radio Show Eight


 I've been sitting here by myself in my office doing mindless desktop publishing work, listening to show 8.
 You've got me laughing my butt off. The rants -- "no music show", the stream of consciousness --
 "what's this dagger doing on the ..." the phone ringing. You are killing me, Bart!

 How about putting a bit of your rant on the Shrub never working a day in his life out there for the rest
 of the world to hear? I really liked part 3, about the survey, but you went on so many tangents,
 I'm not sure how you would pick a piece of it out.
 Anyway, you are putting a smile on my face, thanks a lot and keep it up!


 Lulu, thanks, and you make a good point that needs to be addressed.
 Since I'm not reading from a script, I tend to say what pops into my pointed, shrunken head.
 A rant on gun control can quickly turn into a Vegas story or a Shirley story.
 Sometimes I remember to come back, sometimes I don't. I'll work on that.

 BTW, I would never do a show after I had tasted the Good Lord's flowers, and I haven't produced any
 radio content after I'd been drinking, except maybe that one clip of Jack Bauer explaining the real reasons
 the BFEE acts like the do, but I just thought I'd make that clear that any mind wanderings are strickly the
 workings of a not-too-bright, Catholic ADD liberal with an IQ of between 64 and 67.
 (When I talk to Ann in Philly, my IQ tends to spike for a few days afterwards...)

 ...and thanks for saying those nice things.

 I believe people like Carrol O'Conner and Richard Pryor changed minds with their humor.
 Since I can't do it with my intellect, I'm trying to change minds the easy way.

 Book Race
  According to sex pervert Matt Drudge...


1. LIVING HISTORY / CLINTON                        YTD: 835,864

2. KATE REMEMBERED / BERG                        YTD: 44,380

3. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN / ISAACSON            YTD: 72,207

4. TREASON / COULTER                                   YTD: 153,166

 Bush Rush and FOX News said Coulter's would be bigger than Hillary's book.
 Even using Catholic math, I know 835,000 is more than 153,000, but this is the country
 that claims Bush won the last election, too, so I guess that makes Rush and FOX right.

 A White House smear
   by David Corn  at

  Click  Here

"Did  senior Bush officials blow the cover of a US intelligence officer working covertly in a field
  of vital importance to national security--and break the law--in order to strike at a Bush administration
  critic and intimidate others?  It sure looks that way, if conservative journalist Bob Novak can be trusted.

"Novak may find himself dead from a "car wreck," real soon..."

 Subject: Bring back the music


 It's your show, and if you want to play Judas Priest backwards
 so we can hear the satanic messages, you should.

 Actually, how about using some of those 30-second clips that you solicited a few months back?
 A little music at the beginning is good... Use something, please.

 Opening a show with 'Hi, I'm Bart' is certainly expedient, but it doesn't sound very, um, polished.
 Anyway, keep up the good work.

 jwh in Vegas

 JW, it doesn't sound very polished because I'm not very polished.

 I think we'll strike a compromise that short music will be at the front or middle of a segment,
 but if we do any long music bits we'll put the at the end, so the non-musics can bail early.

 Also, I couldn't remember if I'd mentioned this on the page or not:  I have tons of little clips people
 sent in - maybe a thousand.    My Jan 2003 - March 2003 computer had most of those files and it's
 infected with a wacky virus. I put all those sound files on CDRs

 My new computer (it's XP - just shoot me!) isn't infected, so the only way I can hear those files that
 people sent in is to upload each file using my infected laptop. Some of the files are full-length songs,
 so uploading a couple of hundred of those is going to require a big chunk of time.

 Buttom line,
 If you, the reader, sent in an audio file that
 I haven't yet used, could you re-send it?

 Plus, a few people sent is bartcop jingles and stuff that was super-professionally done,
 but I haven't heard from you - let's do some more!

 Also, if you "do" audio files, we should probably find a way to barter you in to a free subscription.

 For instance:
If somebody regularly watched and taped The Daily Show, I would make you a member
     if you sent in small MP3s of Jon's best ninety seconds.
same for Dave and, possibly.. Jay
Bill Maher's show is coming back soon, and often has good stuff
Maybe even the enemies - Dennis Miller, vulgar Pigboy, Hannity, O'Reilly. Laura the Unloved?
If you sometimes listen to these shows, why not tape them, send the best clips in
    and become a "made man" in the member's section?

Reef the Dog's "Ari the Rat deserts the USS Smirk"


"Three months ago, the 1st Squadron of the 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment was plonked down
  in the slums of eastern Baghdad and told to make it work: Make Iraq a safe and workable society,
  so you can leave. They are thwarted in small ways every day...And they are baffled at being troops
  of occupation. Having left behind wives and families and comforts in order to help here, they have
  somehow ended up as targets. Children wave gaily, then throw stones. The risk of sudden death
  -- from snipers, booby traps, a knifeblade across the throat in a crowded market -- is ever-present.
  And there is, always, the heat-crazed frustration and temptation to abuse their enormous power."
      --David Wood,  One Less Day We Gotta Be Here

 They say we're looking at 4-5 years, minimum, of this daily atrocity, all because Bush is a liar.
 Remember, Colin Powell threw his Cheney-prepared speech in the air saying, "This is bullshit,"
 but like a good House Negro, Colin followed Massa's orders and sent those boys to their deaths.

 Scam Uranium Document Contains Obvious Flaws

  Click  Here

  No Excerpt - you gotta go there.

 Bush's Mis-State-Ment Of The Union Fiasco 
     by Arianna Huffington

  Click  Here

 Poor Karl Rove. He spends close to two years meticulously staging photo ops and carefully
 crafting sound bites to create the image of President Bush as a take-charge, man-the-controls,
 land-the-jet-on-the-deck-of-the-aircraft carrier, "Bring 'em on" kind of leader. But now the latest
 revelations about the Misstatement of the Union fiasco are threatening to bring back the old notion
 of W as a bumbling, detached figurehead-in-chief.

 Same with Colin Powell. The Secretary went on at great length about the intense vetting process that went
 into deciding what information would be used in his United Nations presentation. A presentation that ultimately
 did not include the Niger allegation because it was not, in Powell's words "standing the test of time."

 Hmmm, just how hard is that test? Powell's UN speech came a mere eight days after Bush's State
 of the Union -- leaving one to wonder what the expiration date is on patently phony data? About a
 week after a president uses it, it turns out..

 Subject: the Biscuit


 i see you're excited, as well you should be, for the movie Seabiscuit.

 i was never a fan of horse racing or horses, and, in fact, knew nothing about them, at all.
 i read the book Seabiscuit--which, if you haven't, you must!--and i was hooked.
 it was so good, i was literally crying during parts.   it's FABULOUS.
 if the movie is a fraction as good as the book, it'll be great.


 Ricky, this isn't one of those movies where they shoot Seabiscuit's mother at the end, is it?

 Click  Here then click on 'Defeat the Right in 3 minutes'

 Cheap-labor conservatives don't like social spending or our "safety net".  Why?  Because when you're
 unemployed and desperate, corporations can pay you whatever they feel like - which is inevitably next to nothing.
 You see, they want you "over a barrel" and in a position to "work cheap or starve".

 Cheap-labor conservatives constantly bray about "morality", "virtue", "respect for authority", "hard work" and other "values".
 Why?  So they can blame your being "over a barrel" on your own "immorality", lack of "values" and "poor choices".

 That's some good stuff.

 Have a question or a comment?

  Email Bart

 Even if they falsely claim that Clinton sent our troops into Somalia,
 It's as easy as looking at the numbers...

 Clinton inherits Bush's Somalia disaster                          18   brave men lost

 Bush the smarter offers Kuwait, in writing, to Saddam  143 brave men lost

 Reagan orders troops housed on land in Lebanon         240  brave men lost.

 Bush the dumber lies to start his fake oil war               206  brave men lost and climbing higher every day..

 That's why they keep reminding you of Somalia, almost every day.  They don't want you to know the facts
 - they need all eyes on Clinton's zipper to get away with the biggest robbery in history - the US Treasury and Iraq's oil.

 Where are the Democrats?

Marty's E! page
Beyonce & Ari Fork Tongue on Dave tonight
The 'Tiger Bra'
Nelson Mandela turning 85
'Oxford American' has suspended publication
Sharon Stone on 'The Practice'
Tarantino's 'Kill Bill' to be released in 2 installments
NBC/GE to 'embed' reporters in dems campaigns
Chrissie Hynde not a KFC fan
Jefferson Airplane's first 4 albums to re-released
Jesse Ventura's 'official' portrait
And, frequent masturbation lowers prostate cancer risks
(Looks like Smasher was right :)



 "Should I like the Americans in these circumstances? Before, we considered American society
   to be well-developed, scientific and advanced. But it proved to be entirely opposite."
      --Sheikh Abdallah Jannabi,  Iraqis begin warming to US presence

 Public Doubts Grow About Iraq Casualties 

  Click  Here

 A growing number of Americans feel the U.S. troop casualty level in Iraq is unacceptable
 and believe the Bush administration intentionally exaggerated evidence that Iraq had WMD
 according to an ABC-Washington Post poll.

 A majority, 58 percent, supports Bush's handling of Iraq, but people were
 evenly divided on his economic policies.

 We live in a country of misinformed sheep who "like" Bush no matter how many men he gets killed.
 As long as Bush tells them Saddam caused 9-11, we should donate our sons to Bush's meat grinder?

 Clinton gave us peace and prosperity, Bush brought us war and recession, but he's not having sex,
 so America is ready for five more years of death and deceit so Bush can get more super-rich.
 You can lie us into never-ending wars and you can send our boys to die in the hot sand, Mr Bush.
 You can empty the Treasury of our Social Security funds and take polluter's cash for your campaign,
  just don't let us catch you having sex - that might make us vote for someone else.

Lance climbs the big mountain.
There's also tons of baseball.
Check out sports at BartCopSports!

And hey, drop me a line!
Get involved, send in your opinions.

Click to Enter

A resource for non-embedded writers and an enlightened public

 Little Caesar's Quicksand
    by William Greider

  Click  Here

"On C-Span radio the other morning, I heard a Vietnam combat veteran earnestly worrying that our troops in Iraq
 might be "hand-cuffed." He had heard a rumor about rubber bullets that upset him. Another caller made the point
 more angrily "For every American who gets killed, they should take 20 Iraquians (his term) and hang them from
 lamp posts." This, he explained, is how the Klingons from Star Trek would handle it.

 Then I got an email from a right-wing friend, a learned man with a Ph.D. in history: "We need a tough-minded Patton
 or MacArthur in full dress uniform...Follow the Roman rule: haul those people off in slavery and burn down the country...
 For every ten Americans slaughtered, burn down whole villages."

 These [are] savage responses -- barbaric self-indulgence -- Off Sides
 given that the U.S. invaded this foreign country without provocation

 Subject: Bart--note from Joe B


 I left a message on the Bart phone a little while ago

 Click  Here  to hear Joe's very short call

 I just got a message that my nephew has been wounded in Iraq.

 His name is Jon.
 He is in the Navy.
 He was supposed to be on a ship.

 I am so angry at President Asshole.
 I am angrier at the lying fucking whore press that lies for this bastard.

 I also sent a note and some more $$$ to Dennis Kucinich,
 the MAN who does NOT wear a PINK THONG.

 Bart, please pass the word for everyone to think good thoughts for Jon, OK?

 Joe B in LA

 Joe, first thing, hang in there and don't assume the worst.
 This could be as small as a torn Achilles tendon or a cut on his hand.
 Stay positive and support your sister - she needs you..

 You'll get some news real soon - assume it'll be good news.
 I promise dozens of people are with you on this...

 Bush mushroom cloud "Bring 'em on" shirts! exclusive!
Buy a shirt, support and show the world
that you know there's an illegal monkey in the White House.

 Off Sides
 Even if you don't watch football, ESPN's decision to
 hire Rush the vulgar Pigboy has consequences for you

"Nigger quarterbacks are lazy and stupid!
 The NFL needs a real American team, with white players only!
 The faggot players should only get AIDS and die.
 I hope the sodomites choke on a sausage!"

 Click  Here

"ESPN once said to America: Sports belong to everybody.
 Not anymore. ESPN recently announced that it is hiring Rush Limbaugh. He will represent "the fan," ESPN says.

(Yeah, the average fan who makes $30 million a year taunting blacks, gays and the poor.)

 Here's what I say: Rush Limbaugh, arguably the most toxically divisive individual in America represents
 your average fan about as well as Yasir Arafat represents peace. And his hiring bespeaks a disgraceful
 politicizing of a venue that is far better kept free of ideology of any kind."

 Desperate for ratings, ESPN has sold their soul for a tiny bump in the ratings.
 They tried to get Michael Weiner, but he was too busy rolling gay Boy Scouts.

July BartCop Radio Special!!

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A month in the members section makes a great gift!


They can't stop us if we're subscriber-supported.

 Help build into a powerhouse.

 Click  Here  to subscribe.

Show Eight  is finally finished

 The last segment was phone calls, and we had a celebrity caller.
 Barry Crimmins is a stand-up comic who used to write for former funnyman Dennis Miller.
 Barry has a four ninute rant on the real Dennis Miller, and where he should be working.

  Click  Here  to listen to Barry Crimmins beat up Bush's newest cabanaboy.

 Call the 

You have two minutes to rant away.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shirley, with her gorgeous fire-red hair, sharing a limo with Debby Harry from Blondie

 Shirley - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Maybe leave a two-minute message...

 I'll play it for your fans at
 Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
 Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.

Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)

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