Volume 1115 -
Broiling in Baghdad
The Harvest of Hope Foundation:
Supports migrant farmworkers and their families with emergency aid
Thursday July 17, 2003
"It is the press's job to ask anything about everything.
I always do my best
to give you the fullest answers from the president
that I possibly can."
--Ari the Liar, on his last
Ari, we're allowed to ask anything?
How many times has George W. Bush been arrested,
and for what crimes?
How many felonies has he pleaded guilty to?
How does Dubya feel about one taking personal
responsibility for their felonies?
Why didn't he get the same sentence that black
men caught with cocaine get?
What was his relationship with 15 year-old Robin
Lowman and why did he pay for her
abortion at the Twelve Oaks Hospital in Houston,
TX (now the Bayou City Medical Center).
Is raping a child a crime in Texas?
...Ari? ...where are you going?
I have more questions, Ari...
What's is in Bush's governor files that he
had to hide from the voters?
What's is Reagan's papers that makes his daddy
look so guilty that they needed to be buried?
...Ari, come back!
this BartCop fella still alive? I ordered him dead weeks ago..."
Says Iraq Has Become a Guerrilla War
The head of Central Command says Rummy wouldn't know a guerilla war
if it bit his ass
"U.S. troops are facing a classic guerrilla war in
Iraq spearheaded by Saddam loyalists,
and American forces need to adapt their tactics
to crush this increasingly organized
resistance, the head of the U.S. Central Command
said on Wednesday.
Complain of Low Morale in Iraq
Watch what you say, boys - Bush doesn't tolerate opinions or dissent
Fed up with being in Iraq and demoralized by
their role as peacekeepers in a risky place,
U.S. soldiers aired their plight on TV Wednesday
and said they had lost faith in the Army.
Rumsfeld were here, I'd ask him for his resignation..."
"I would ask
him why we are still here. I don't have any clue why we are still in Iraq."
"We were told
the fastest way back home is through Baghdad and that's what we did. Now
we are still here,"
"When I told
her she started crying and I almost started crying. I just felt like my
heart was broken.
I could not figure
out ... how they could keep us here after they told us we were coming home."
Boys, you've just been punk'd by the deserted-his-post-during-wartime
liar who lied to get you in harm's way.
A real Commander in Chief always considers the safety of his troops, but
not this crooked bungler.
You see, he wants that oil really, really, really, really badly.
"None of us that wear this uniform are free to say
anything disparaging about the Secretary
of Defense or the President of the U.S. We're
not free to do that. It's our professional code."
John Abizaid, new commander in Iraq, warning the troops to "watch
what they say,"
Funny, when they called Clinton "the faggot-loving
rapist," it was OK for them to speak.
Remember, Jesse Helms said Clinton better not visit the troops without
the Secret Service.
But when Bush's idiocy is killing a man per day, it's important that
they remain silent?
Since I don'e get to hear any audience reaction to a page or radio rant,
I sometimes ask for feedback
for things like picking three minutes for the show promo that goes on the
Subject: Bartcop Radio Show Eight
I've been sitting here by myself in my office
doing mindless desktop publishing work, listening to show 8.
You've got me laughing my butt off. The rants -- "no
music show", the stream of consciousness --
"what's this dagger doing on the ..." the phone
ringing. You are killing me, Bart!
How about putting a bit of your rant on the Shrub
never working a day in his life out there for the rest
of the world to hear? I really liked part 3, about
the survey, but you went on so many tangents,
I'm not sure how you would pick a piece of it out.
Anyway, you are putting a smile on my face, thanks
a lot and keep it up!
Lulu, thanks, and you make a good point that needs to be addressed.
Since I'm not reading from a script, I tend to say what pops into my pointed,
A rant on gun control can quickly turn into a Vegas story or a Shirley
Sometimes I remember to come back, sometimes I don't. I'll work on that.
BTW, I would never do a show after I had tasted the Good Lord's flowers,
and I haven't produced any
radio content after I'd been drinking, except maybe that one clip of Jack
Bauer explaining the real reasons
the BFEE acts like the do, but I just thought I'd make that clear that
any mind wanderings are strickly the
workings of a not-too-bright, Catholic ADD liberal with an IQ of between
64 and 67.
(When I talk to Ann in Philly, my IQ tends to spike for a few days afterwards...)
...and thanks for saying those nice things.
I believe people like Carrol O'Conner and Richard Pryor changed minds
with their humor.
Since I can't do it with my intellect, I'm trying to change minds the easy
According to sex pervert Matt Drudge...
SCANNED/SOLD [NIELSEN] NONFICTION
1. LIVING HISTORY / CLINTON YTD:
2. KATE REMEMBERED / BERG YTD:
3. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN / ISAACSON YTD:
4. TREASON / COULTER YTD:
Bush Rush and FOX News said Coulter's would be bigger than Hillary's
Even using Catholic math, I know 835,000 is more than 153,000, but this
is the country
that claims Bush won the last election, too, so I guess that makes Rush
and FOX right.
by David Corn at thenation.com
"Did senior Bush officials blow the cover
of a US intelligence officer working covertly in a field
of vital importance to national security--and
break the law--in order to strike at a Bush administration
critic and intimidate others? It sure
looks that way, if conservative journalist Bob Novak can be trusted.
find himself dead from a "car wreck," real soon..."
Subject: Bring back the music
It's your show, and if you want to play Judas
so we can hear the satanic messages, you should.
Actually, how about using some of those 30-second
clips that you solicited a few months back?
A little music at the beginning is good... Use
Opening a show with 'Hi, I'm Bart' is certainly
expedient, but it doesn't sound very, um, polished.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
jwh in Vegas
JW, it doesn't sound very polished because I'm
not very polished.
I think we'll strike a compromise that short music
will be at the front or middle of a segment,
but if we do any long music bits we'll put the
at the end, so the non-musics can bail early.
Also, I couldn't remember if I'd mentioned this
on the page or not: I have tons of little clips people
sent in - maybe a thousand. My
Jan 2003 - March 2003 computer had most of those files and it's
infected with a wacky virus. I put all those sound
files on CDRs
My new computer (it's XP - just shoot me!) isn't
infected, so the only way I can hear those files that
people sent in is to upload each file using my
infected laptop. Some of the files are full-length songs,
so uploading a couple of hundred of those is going
to require a big chunk of time.
the reader, sent in an audio file that
yet used, could you re-send it?
Plus, a few people sent is bartcop jingles and
stuff that was super-professionally done,
but I haven't heard from you - let's do some more!
Also, if you "do" audio files, we should probably
find a way to barter you in to a free subscription.
regularly watched and taped The Daily Show, I would make you a member
if you sent in small MP3s of
Jon's best ninety seconds.
same for Dave and,
Bill Maher's show is coming back
soon, and often has good stuff
Maybe even the enemies - Dennis Miller,
vulgar Pigboy, Hannity, O'Reilly. Laura the Unloved?
If you sometimes listen to these shows,
why not tape them, send the best clips in
and become a "made man" in the member's section?
Reef the Dog's "Ari the Rat deserts the USS Smirk"
"Three months ago, the 1st Squadron of the 2nd Armored
Cavalry Regiment was plonked down
in the slums of eastern Baghdad and told to
make it work: Make Iraq a safe and workable society,
so you can leave. They are thwarted in small
ways every day...And they are baffled at being troops
of occupation. Having left behind wives and
families and comforts in order to help here, they have
somehow ended up as targets. Children wave
gaily, then throw stones. The risk of sudden death
-- from snipers, booby traps, a knifeblade
across the throat in a crowded market -- is ever-present.
And there is, always, the heat-crazed frustration
and temptation to abuse their enormous power."
--David Wood, One
Less Day We Gotta Be Here
They say we're looking at 4-5 years, minimum, of this daily atrocity, all
because Bush is a liar.
Remember, Colin Powell threw his Cheney-prepared speech in the air saying, "This
but like a good House Negro, Colin followed Massa's orders and sent those
boys to their deaths.
Document Contains Obvious Flaws
No Excerpt - you gotta go there.
Of The Union Fiasco
by Arianna Huffington
Poor Karl Rove. He spends close to two years
meticulously staging photo ops and carefully
crafting sound bites to create the image of President
Bush as a take-charge, man-the-controls,
land-the-jet-on-the-deck-of-the-aircraft carrier, "Bring
'em on" kind of leader. But now the latest
revelations about the Misstatement of the Union
fiasco are threatening to bring back the old notion
of W as a bumbling, detached figurehead-in-chief.
Same with Colin Powell. The Secretary went on
at great length about the intense vetting process that went
into deciding what information would be used in
his United Nations presentation. A presentation that ultimately
did not include the Niger allegation because it
was not, in Powell's words "standing the test of time."
Hmmm, just how hard is that test? Powell's UN
speech came a mere eight days after Bush's State
of the Union -- leaving one to wonder what the
expiration date is on patently phony data? About a
week after a president uses it, it turns out..
i see you're excited, as well you should be, for
the movie Seabiscuit.
i was never a fan of horse racing or horses, and,
in fact, knew nothing about them, at all.
i read the book Seabiscuit--which, if you haven't,
you must!--and i was hooked.
it was so good, i was literally crying during parts. it's
if the movie is a fraction as good as the book,
it'll be great.
Ricky, this isn't one of those movies where they shoot Seabiscuit's
mother at the end, is it?
Click Here then
click on 'Defeat the Right in 3 minutes'
Cheap-labor conservatives don't like social
spending or our "safety net". Why? Because when you're
unemployed and desperate, corporations can pay
you whatever they feel like - which is inevitably next to nothing.
You see, they want you "over a barrel" and
in a position to "work cheap or starve".
Cheap-labor conservatives constantly bray about "morality", "virtue", "respect
for authority", "hard work" and other "values".
Why? So they can blame your being "over
a barrel" on your own "immorality", lack of "values" and "poor
That's some good stuff.
Have a question
or a comment?
Email Bart firstname.lastname@example.org
Even if they falsely claim that Clinton sent our troops into Somalia,
It's as easy
as looking at the numbers...
Clinton inherits Bush's Somalia disaster 18 brave
Bush the smarter offers Kuwait, in writing, to
Saddam 143 brave
Reagan orders troops housed on land in Lebanon 240 brave
Bush the dumber lies to start his fake oil war 206 brave
men lost and climbing higher every day..
That's why they keep reminding you of Somalia, almost every day. They
don't want you to know the facts
- they need all eyes on Clinton's zipper to get away with the biggest robbery
in history - the US Treasury and Iraq's oil.
Where are the Democrats?
Marty's E! page
Beyonce & Ari Fork Tongue on Dave tonight
The 'Tiger Bra'
Nelson Mandela turning 85
'Oxford American' has suspended publication
Sharon Stone on 'The Practice'
Tarantino's 'Kill Bill' to be released in 2 installments
NBC/GE to 'embed' reporters in dems campaigns
Chrissie Hynde not a KFC fan
Jefferson Airplane's first 4 albums to re-released
Jesse Ventura's 'official' portrait
And, frequent masturbation lowers prostate cancer risks
(Looks like Smasher was right :)
"Should I like the Americans in these circumstances?
Before, we considered American society
to be well-developed, scientific and
advanced. But it proved to be entirely opposite."
--Sheikh Abdallah Jannabi, Iraqis
begin warming to US presence
Grow About Iraq Casualties
A growing number of Americans feel the U.S. troop
casualty level in Iraq is unacceptable
and believe the Bush administration intentionally
exaggerated evidence that Iraq had WMD
according to an ABC-Washington Post poll.
A majority, 58 percent, supports Bush's handling
of Iraq, but people were
evenly divided on his economic policies.
We live in a country of misinformed sheep who "like" Bush
no matter how many men he gets killed.
As long as Bush tells them Saddam caused 9-11,
we should donate our sons to Bush's meat grinder?
Clinton gave us peace and prosperity, Bush brought
us war and recession, but he's not having sex,
so America is ready for five more years of death
and deceit so Bush can get more super-rich.
You can lie us into never-ending wars and you can
send our boys to die in the hot sand, Mr Bush.
You can empty the Treasury of our Social Security
funds and take polluter's cash for your campaign,
just don't let us catch you having sex - that might
make us vote for someone else.
Lance climbs the big mountain.
There's also tons of baseball.
Check out sports at BartCopSports!
And hey, drop me a line!
Get involved, send in your opinions.
Click to Enter
A resource for non-embedded writers and an enlightened
by William Greider
"On C-Span radio the other morning, I heard a Vietnam
combat veteran earnestly worrying that our troops in Iraq
might be "hand-cuffed." He had heard a rumor about
rubber bullets that upset him. Another caller made the point
more angrily "For every American who gets killed,
they should take 20 Iraquians (his term) and hang them from
lamp posts." This, he explained, is how the Klingons
from Star Trek would handle it.
Then I got an email from a right-wing friend,
a learned man with a Ph.D. in history: "We need a tough-minded Patton
or MacArthur in full dress uniform...Follow the
Roman rule: haul those people off in slavery and burn down the country...
For every ten Americans slaughtered, burn down
These [are] savage responses -- barbaric self-indulgence
-- Off Sides
given that the U.S. invaded this foreign country
Subject: Bart--note from Joe
I left a message on the Bart phone a little
Click Here to
hear Joe's very short call
I just got a message that my nephew has been
wounded in Iraq.
His name is Jon.
He is in the Navy.
He was supposed to be on a ship.
I am so angry at President Asshole.
I am angrier at the lying fucking whore press
that lies for this bastard.
I also sent a note and some more $$$ to Dennis
the MAN who does NOT wear a PINK THONG.
Bart, please pass the word for everyone to
think good thoughts for Jon, OK?
Joe B in LA
Joe, first thing, hang in there and don't assume the worst.
This could be as small as a torn Achilles tendon or a cut on his hand.
Stay positive and support your sister - she needs you..
You'll get some news real soon - assume it'll be good news.
I promise dozens of people are with you on this...
cloud "Bring 'em on" shirts!
Buy a shirt, support bartcop.com and show the world
that you know there's an illegal monkey in the White House.
Even if you don't watch football, ESPN's decision
hire Rush the vulgar Pigboy has consequences
"Nigger quarterbacks are lazy
The NFL needs a real American
team, with white players only!
The faggot players should
only get AIDS and die.
I hope the sodomites choke
on a sausage!"
"ESPN once said to America: Sports belong to everybody.
Not anymore. ESPN recently announced that it is
hiring Rush Limbaugh. He will represent "the fan," ESPN says.
(Yeah, the average fan who makes $30 million a year
taunting blacks, gays and the poor.)
Here's what I say: Rush Limbaugh, arguably the
most toxically divisive individual in America represents
your average fan about as well as Yasir Arafat
represents peace. And his hiring bespeaks a disgraceful
politicizing of a venue that is far better kept
free of ideology of any kind."
Desperate for ratings, ESPN has sold their soul
for a tiny bump in the ratings.
They tried to get Michael Weiner, but he was too
busy rolling gay Boy Scouts.
BartCop Radio Special!!
Sign up for 30 days of
for the low, low price of only eleven dollars.
You could snail mail $11 to
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
A month in the members section makes a great gift!
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Help build into
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Eight is finally finished
The last segment was phone calls, and we had a celebrity caller.
Barry Crimmins is a stand-up
comic who used to write for former funnyman Dennis Miller.
Barry has a four ninute rant on the real Dennis Miller, and where he should
Click Here to
listen to Barry Crimmins beat up Bush's newest cabanaboy.
You have two minutes to rant away.
Have a good time today - that's an order.
Use this portal and they'll
throw bartcop.com four cents.
Conason ...... McDougal . ......H
WR Pitt ... Blumenthal Palecek
Read the Previous
It had everything.
Copyright © 2003,
Shirley, with her gorgeous fire-red hair, sharing a limo
with Debby Harry from Blondie
Shirley - call The
BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
Maybe leave a two-minute message...
I'll play it for your fans at bartcop.com
Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.
Bush is a horrid
madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal
and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member
- for free!
Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on
your next American tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush