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America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now?
We can't fight alone against this monster
I just met the smartest kid in Oklahoma.
He got all three studios working in 70 minutes.
Holy Jesus, that puts me in such a great mood.
He's not only a speed-demon genius, he lives in the same Hellhole
I live in,
and he says he can come back on a day's notice, so we might not ever be down again.
Mrs. Bart is shopping, so I might even have a chance to get some
stuff canned today,
but it looks like our problems are behind us and if they're not, the SDG will come back.
So look for extra good radio shows in a never-ending constant stream from now on.
Damn, I'm in a good mood.
He laughed at the problems, too. he said there was nothing he couldn't fix.
That sounded as pretty as a slow Shirley fog song.
I told his company that I needed their very best guy because I
was so tired of hearing,
"We've never seen anything like this before," but he chewed up the problems and spit them out.
And a special thanks to everyone who didn't cancel their subscription when times were tough.
My longest nightmare ever is over.
(This below is pre-computer fixed, but you might find some humor in the stories)
Can it be true?
I have three completely independent radio studios now.
All three are broken and that's just not possible.
For what I had to pay, I should be able to leave this stuff in
the backyard overnight
and still be able to do a radio show on two of the three studios the next day.
Do I really have a working computer now?
In a word - almost.
Click Here for the always- exciting roller coaster of ever-changing updates.
Quote of the Day
"The more we learn about Howard Dean's
The amazing Bruce Yurgil's web site
"It's not so much the attacks that are hurting
us. None of this is sticking. But they are
hurting us because we're not getting our message out - standing up to President Bush
and health care - because it's hard to do that when you're constantly answering charges."
-- Dean campaign manager Joe Trippi, not working for the BFEE Attribution
Bush was like a 'blind man in a roomful of deaf people'
Former Treasury Sec tells the truth for the first time in three years
Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill, pushed out of the administration for not being a team player,
says President Bush was so disengaged during Cabinet meetings that he was like a "blind man in a roomful of deaf people."
O'Neill, who has kept silent about the circumstances
surrounding his ouster from the Cabinet 13 months ago, is now ready
to give his side of the story with a tell-all book that paints Bush as a disengaged president who didn't encourage debate
either at Cabinet meetings or in one-on-one meetings with his Cabinet secretaries.
To promote the book, O'Neill is on "60 Minutes"
with Lesley Stahl this Sunday.
So, Bush is just like Reagan - an idiot who doesn't want the job he stole.
Gee - I'm so shocked.
The good puppy media tells us again and again how Bush is in
charge and takes command,
but we knew that was horseshitloooooooooooooooooong before O'Neill confirmed it.
If you want to know the truth months or years before it's confirmed, read bartcop.com
The truth doesn't play well in Cincinnati
"And for those outraged that the low-rated Doonesbury survived while Boondocks didn't,
we made the decision to drop Boondocks because we did not want to keep publishing a comic
that we regularly needed to censor. During the past year, Boondocks was substituted a number
of times because it was deemed inappropriate for a family newspaper. And not just this family
newspaper. Editors across the country were making the same decisions.
Our policy is that we publish a comic strip
or we don't. Once we start pulling specific strips,
as well as entire weeks' worth, it is time to drop that strip. Although Boondocks has its fans,
many of you were uncomfortable with it, and at times we were, too. "
"I have no idea whether we'll find out who
the leaker is, partially because, in all
due respect to your profession, you do a very good job of protecting the leakers."
--Dubya, lying again, protecting the traitor who leaked Attribution
Subject: ticket thoughts
Bart, how about a Clark-Dean ticket?
How about a Dean-Clark ticket?
Your thoughts on thatt?
I like a Dean-Clark ticket, but I love a Clark-Dean ticket.
Clark would take away Bush's phony soldierboy image, freeing Dean to attack Bush
on the war, on Enron, the environment, the stolen surplus, the air at Ground Zero and
a host of scandals that the Bush media has refused to address.
By the way, just for the record...
I think Scott Peterson will be found not guilty.
I think Koby Bryant will be found not guilty.
I think Michael Jackson is so not legally guilty, he may not even see a trial.
I think the vulgar Junkie won't ever be arrested or tried, much less found guilty.
...and if the election were held today, (I know, they don't do
elections in January) Bush would win.
He might do it with help from Diebold and an October attack on New York, but I think Clark is the only man
who can derail the BFEE's $200,000,000 Willie Horton dirty tricks freight train.
Note: Writing to say, "You're
an asshole," won't change the facts, but the facts themselves
(For instance, Pigboy's maid wore a wire for the cops. There's no telling what Rush said to her in private.)
If you disagree with these predictions, please write and say why instead of name-calling.
Click and learn
how we can make it easier for you
Subject: Thanks Bart
...for putting up the link to Ellen Mariani's Rico suit.
That said, I had an idea. I'm out of touch,
due to a family illness, with what's going on re anti-war actions.
It occurred to me that we are not past due for parades through American cities of flag-drapped "coffins,"
bearing the names of our war dead, and carried by anti-war vets and other volunteers.
I think five hundred flag-draped coffins
on fifth ave or on the Mall in DC, would be fairly impressive, don't you?
The photos and IDs of the dead are at Army Times, if you haven't seen them.
I have no objection to volunteers carrying
the photographs of the Iraqi wounded and dead that have been
suppressed our craven media. I also think Walls of the dead should be posted in every city -- remember the
photographs of the dead in the Towers? For the cost of printing off the faces and identities of the dead off
the Army Times, we could bring home the blood in an undeniable way.
Tabitha, I got a letter from Sofie in Dallas
She saw an article in People Magazine with hundreds of close-up pictures of fallen soldiers.
She wrote, "This
is the toll for Moron's grab for oil. Cried for a while - horribly sad
such massive, unneeded loss for so little reason. Also cried because we're so impotent
to stop this slaughter, to stop Bush and his buddies from ruining our country."
What's also sad is that companies like Clear
Channel, FOX news and talk radio are making money
from these military deaths. Like the B.F.E.E., they can make more money with a war than with peace.
With every Bush bungle that gets more men killed, it becomes more important to listen to the news
so they can raise their rates - which makes them war profiteers, just like the B.F.E.E.
Since there's no money to be made protesting
the war, the big guys smile and priase Bush,
then afterwards they drive to the bank and make that fat deposit.
Due to time constraints, I would be unable
to help organize the coffin drapes,
but I'll do whatever I can getting the word out and I'd donate a few bucks.
Monkey Slams Dems on Taxes
Got a banana?
Bush cites a litany of improving economic figures - rising home ownership, business investment,
manufacturing and stock-market wealth. Bush gave credit to the three tax cuts he approved.
"Tax relief has got this economy going again, and tax relief will keep it moving forward," it said.
That's all a big lie.
When he was running for president, we had a great economy and a $5TRIL surplus.
Bush said the surplus was so big, we ought to give some back to the people.
Now he claims his tax cuts saved us when, in fact, they caused the problem.
"We can continue on the path to prosperity
and new jobs - a path marked by a pro-growth agenda
that has cut taxes on paychecks for 109 million American taxpayers - or we can reverse the course
by raising taxes on hardworking Americans," Bush said. "The choice is clear."
While his statement might be techically correct, it is
merely another lie.
What he should admit is that one million super rich bastards got giant windfalls back,
while 108 million of us got a puny $300 that we had to return the next April 15th.
I think Molly Ivins put it best - if Bill Gates attended the upcoming
Pokerfest, the average worth
of each Fester would be over a billion dollars, but that doesn't help you or me - it just proves
that Gates being in the house brought up the average.
If I can see this (and I dare anybody to say I have it wrong)
why can't the Democrats?
The Democrats should be pounding the Illegal Moron night and day for his family-strangling lies.
The Democrats remind me of a wife who rolls over and goes to bed
when she knows her evil
GOP husband is going downstairs to rape their twelve year old daughter. How dare they turn
their backs when their country needs them more than perhaps any time in our history.
Why don't the Democrats get involved and do their goddamned jobs?
Marty's Entertainment Page
They're not just "soldiers"
They're real people that you or I might've known.
Men and women with wives and husbands and children.
Real people with parents and kids and cousins and co-workers before Bush decided
he was going to lie about the need to attack right away before Saddam could launch his WMDs.
Army Staff Sgt. Kimberly A. Voelz, 27, of Carlisle, Pa.;
assigned to the 703rd Explosive Ordnance Detachment
based in Fort Knox, Ky.; killed while responding to an
explosive ordnance disposal call Dec. 14 when an improvised
explosive device detonated in Iskandariyah, Iraq.
"It is an absolute certainty that if Palm Beach
had designed a ballot that correctly reflected
the views of the voters Al Gore would be President of the United States today. The wrong
man was inaugurated on January 20th 2001 and this is no small thing in our nation's history.
The bell of this election can never be un-rung and the sound will haunt us for some time."
--legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin, "Toobin Insists Gore Won Florida" Attribution
Honesty on CNN?
Damn, I wish I'd been taping.
war advisors: unfound Iraqi weapons matter little
They know they can get away with this because nobody cares
Bush's military advisors said that the US inability to find illegal weapons in Iraq means little.
You son of a bitch!
We have 500 dead and multi-thousands missing limbs and you say the reason we went to war "means little?"
You son of a bitch!
"I don't think that you can draw any conclusion
from the fact that the stockpiles were not found,"
Pentagon advisor Richard Perle (R-Bloody hands) said at the American Enterprise Institute.
Perle said he did not fear that the United
States would lose credibility after Bush used Iraq's
supposed weapons of mass destruction as his principal justification for going to war.
"If others are going to take the view that, because
these weapons weren't found, nothing that
the United States says can be trusted -- there's not much we can do about that," he said.
"It would be a foolish conclusion to draw."
Foolish as in, "We'll invade and murder
your country if you complain?"
We don't have to take this horseshit from these blod-thirsty sons of bitches.
We choose to take this, but we don't have to.
Subject: Al Gore, Dems and the dead past
Bart O'Cop -
I've known Al Gore for most of my life,
followed his career closely, supported him for president
before anybody else ever heard of him. Imagine my shock when he shunned Bill Clinton's support,
chose Joe Lieberman for Vice President, allowed the idiot, Bush, to run all over him and OUR principles
in the debates and, well, just looked pretty damned weird throughout.
Along comes a fierce fighter with impeccable
credentials (Wes Clark) but Bradley and Harken are all
embracing/endorsing Dean. First of all, I see questionable wisdom here, since we suspect very strongly that
Bill Clinton favors Wes Clark. More slaps in the face for Clinton and more divisive bickering right at the top.
I say, TO HELL WITH THE OLD DEMOCRATIC ESTABLISHMENT.
Wes Clark should be the Democratic nominee in 2004 and the President of the United States in 2005.
If the Dems manage to screw up this opportunity, then what's the point anyway?
They don't deserve to win an election or to run the country.
They're washed up, deluded and impotent.
Donald Duck on poppers would be more credible as president than George Bush.
But why throw away this once-in-a-lifetime
Wes Clark is a rare and wonderful gift to a nation in crisis as well as to the world.
Dude, I'm not sure why I'm feelling optimistic
tonight (Canadian whiskey)
but I think things are going to work themselves out to their proper level.
If Clark beats Dean, it's because the people
had faith in him.
If Dean beats Clark, maybe that means he's a better candidate than Clark.
Both candidates will have to pass 100 tests
between now and election night.
I think they ought to stop sniping at each other. I think they should shake hands like
two classy boxers and protect themselves at all times and let the best fighter win.
Note to both camps:
If I could see an advance copy of a speech for either of you two candidates,
I might be able to provide an idea or phrase that could prove memorable.
"Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy,"
"There you go again"
"I promise not to use my opponent's youth and inexperience against him"
"Your father opposed such tactics, and shame on you for using them."
"We're fixing to limit one..." (One of the all-time greats - by Al Gore!)
Of course, those phrases were all written by professional, responsible
speech writers, but I could always get lucky!!!
So if you want your speech kicked up a notch, you got nothing
to lose by reading my suggestions.
I speak stupid and you can't win without the stupid vote.
Business - not my business
The worst kept secret ever is the fact that we're having Pokerfest Vegas 2004 on Jan 23/24.
We wanted to give the subscribers the first shot - to avoid a
big stampede of people, (Cough)
but the dumbass who uploads bartcop.com (me) kept posting the members page in the wrong directory
...but that's not what this is about.
I got a phone call last night from a pillar, who was concerned
about this paragraph from the poker
> New this year:
> The winner of the big tournament buys the hooker for the first guy out.
> (Ladies get a spa visit.)
> It's Year One of the BartCop Vegas Hooker Poker Tradition.
That's just a little humor.
We have no hookers contracted for Pokerfest
I don't even know any hookers in Vegas, but I'll bet there are some.
Years ago, we saw two young ladies handing out brochures with
their pictures and phone numbers on them.
The young ladies, swear to Koresh, were prettier than Bixby corn. (Can I higher compliment be paid?)
On the other hand, ...what the winner does with his/her winnings
is not my business.
Clinton's sex life, Pete Rose's gambling and how the winner spends her money in Vegas?
Not my business.
If you find yourself in Vegas, and you find yourself with an easy
thousand dollar windfall,
not only does what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, you might wake up married to Britney.
Honey, have you seen my pants?
Last thing - there are still seats available at
the table, and if you plan to show up you really ought to
be in the game because Binions Horseshoe (World Series of Poker) isn't making any money if
people are standing around watching the game.
Nuveeeena gets the exemption.
She has agreed to be the Pokerfest Vegas 2004 Round Girl who holds the chip leader card.
So, ...if you would like to play some poker, makes some friends,
drink some fine Chinaco Anejo tequila etc, Click Here
Order your CDs today!
BartCop Radio Shows on CD for just $25.
Currently shipping shows 21, 22 and 23, professionally mixed by Tommy Mack.
Remember, if you PayPal, mention your address.
I went to the friendly US Post Office to mail some Radio shows
While waiting in the long line, I noticed they have a new stamp.
To honor the Unelected Chimp, they're selling "Year of the Monkey" stamps.
I thought, "Damn, I gotta get me some monkey stamps," but
They're advertising them, but they don't actually have them yet.
Sure to be a best seller with Democrats
Starting soon, expect your envelope to have monkey stamps.
If you have something important send it to Sam at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you work for Dean or Clark and want help punching up a speech, use that address.
The Bush Hitler Thing
I'm afraid now, that what may still come to pass is a reign far more savage and barbaric than that of the Nazis.
Already, appeasement has been fruitless - it only encourages the brazen to escalate their arrogance and braggadocio.
Americans support Bush - by a generous majority - and mass media sings his praises while indicting his detractors -
or silencing their opinions completely. The American people seem to care only about the domestic economic situation -
and even in that, they are in complete denial. They don't want to hear about Iraq, and Afghanistan is already forgotten.
Even the Democratic opposition supports the occupation of Iraq. Everyone seems to agree that Saddam deserves to be
executed -with or without a trial. 'Visitors' are fingerprinted. Guilty until proven innocent. Snipers are on New York City
rooftops. When do the Stryker teams start appearing on American streets? They're perfectly suited for 'Homeland Security'
- and they've had a trial run in Iraq. The Constitution has been suspended - until further notice. Dick Cheney just mentioned
it may be for decades - even a generation, as Rice asserts as well. Is this the start of the 1000 year reign of this new
collection of thugs? So it would seem.
There are some things in that column I liked and some I didn't like.
We're not at "public torture sessions"
for Bush critics yet.
I'll be doing the show from France long before the whole pulic torutre thing gets working.
And I get where SL is going, and things are at a drastic level, but crying wolf can only hurt us later.
Saying the B.F.E.E.,
"might have a reign far more savage and barbaric than that
of the Nazis," is going a little far.
The B.F.E.E. is less savage than Prescott's good friend Adolf Hitler, but only because he's on more cameras.
There are so many documented B.F.E.E. crimes, we shouldn't focus on what might happen.
has Bush holding Osama's head
Cross the B.F.E.E. and you're Marie Simpson
"I represent Christ!"
A painting by Scott LoBaido, part of a new exhibit at the National Arts Club,
depicts Bush holding Osama's severed head in one hand and an American flag in the other.
...and his approval rating went up six points!
Click to Enter
on the presidency
by my good friend Alan Bisbort
"A castrated press dutifully files press releases as news stories, accepting denials of criminality
by the White House staff.... If Congress had any spine whatsoever its members would already
be discussing the possibility of open public hearings (on the Valerie Plame leaker)."
The Democrats wouldn't impeach Bush if he
sent 500 soldiers to their deaths for no reason.
How do I know?
Because Bush already did that and the gelding Democrats won't even consider hearings.
...but Clinton's sex life was worth looking into for a decade?
The one on the right looks braver.
So who was the Biography of the Year?
From the Biography website:
2. Jessica Lynch
3. Jennifer Lopez
4. Laci Peterson
5. Condoleezza Rice
6. Kobe Bryant
7. Pope John Paul II
8. Nicole Kidman
9. Hillary Clinton
10. Ruben Studdard & Clay Aiken
So, after four weeks, they decided to update their website.
Thanks for that, Jamison. I stopped checking every day.
Snail mail letter
Bush cries "wolf"
Homeland Security cries wolf again over the holidays but can claim the system is working.
Reminds me of the story about a guy who
walked around New York City snapping his fingers constantly.
When asked why he did that, he said, "It keeps the lions away."
When told there were no lions in New York City, he said, "See? It's working."
Here's another ten dollar bill.
Keep hammering Bush on the way he has treated us old time vets.
He has increased drug prices for aging veterans and I don't like it.
Saw it on http://pulpnonfiction.blogspot.com
Did I mention that I have three working studios?
You have no idea what a good mood I'm in.
the talking gorilla
Sooner or later, someone has to say it
Robin Williams was invited to meet Koko, the gorilla who is fluent in American Sign Language.
They discovered they had a lot in common, and Robin decided to help Koko and her Foundation
save gorillas from imminent extinction by becoming honorary co-chair for the new Maui Ape Preserve.
We've talked about Koko for years. It's the only animal
I know with documented amotions.
She had a little kitty friend that died, and Koko kept signing, "I'm sad, I want my kitty friend back."
From what I undertand, Koko isn't stomping her foot on the floor
when asked "What's 2 and 2?"
They ask her, "What do you want to do?" and Koko will say, "I want to eat a grapefruit," or
"I want to go outside and play with my ball."
I don't think enough has been made of this.
The only time you hear about something like this is when Rush says, "Screw the dolphins,"
when he reads a report than somebody has made progress communicating with a dolphin.
In our lifetime, apparently, we've broken the language barrier
Is that right?
In ten years we might be able to communicate with other species?
Is a "gorilla's rights" movement starting to hatch?
If a gorilla can look you in the eye and sign, "I
miss my kitty friend,"
how are you going to dismiss that as some kind of "liberal trickery?"
Let's say you're babysitting the gorilla in a cage in a hotel
room (it could happen)
and Koko signed, "It's kyna (Koko is street) warm in here - could you make it cooler?"
We live in strange times, and this isn't Issue Number One,
but I went to http://www.koko.org and bought the DVD of Robin Williams talking to Kono.
This is in the back issues somewhere, but Koko has been using the Internet to teach
sign language to the other gorillas watching on their computer monitors at their home zoos.
This is not a gag.
Koko has had live, online video conferences with other online gorillas and taught them to sign.
This is not a gag.
...yet gays can't form a civil union because "...that's not how God planned it?"
American soldier body count in Iraq
Last issue it was
....this issue it's
Probablty next issue we'll be at 500
brave American soldiers killed for Bush's fake war,
the economy is still crashed and millions of families have no income,
yet half the country is pleased with the Monkey's performance.
Plus, at least
wounded for Bush's illegal oil grab.
David Hackworth says ten percent of the 130,000 have been med evac-d.
"My presentation ... made it clear that we
had seen some links and connections to terrorist
organizations over time. I have not seen smoking gun, concrete evidence about the connection,
but I think the possibility of such connections did exist and it was prudent to consider them at the
time that we did.''
--Secretary of Lies Colin Powell, Attribution
All those soldiers are dead because "the possibility of such connections did exist?"
I think Bush and Perle and Powell and Rummy should attend funerals and tell that to the families.
Don't forget Paul O'Neill on 60 Minutes.
He's going to tell us how few tricks the Monkey knows.
& Democracy Hypocrisy
Part 2: The Hypocrisy at Home by Nat Perry at consortiumnews.com
While claiming to export democracy to Iraq, the Bush administration has been undercutting
democracy at home. U.S. public debate -- even about the life-and-death issues of war and
peace -- is now dominated by bogus information and ridicule of dissent, with those trends
already reaching into Campaign 2004. January 5, 2004
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Subject: you idiot
The problem isn't that CompUSA sold you
a DVD writer instead of a CD writer.
The problem is software.
Dude, guess what?
I don't know how to work on cars or computers or vacuum cleaners.
The closest thing I have to talent is pantsing and red-assing Nazi bastards.
I need someone else to do the intelligent work because I'm not getting any smarter.
My system has a DVD writer and a CD ROM and it produces perfectly good CDs, playable in any CD player.
I have a system like that, too, but the sound card was kidnapped
by Columbian rebels.
The replacement system had a DVD writer that doesn't do CDs.
It's f-ing retarded, that in the year 2004, I was taken a step back in time for an extra $20.
So quit whining about your computer. Quite
being willfully stupid about them and take half
an hour to do a little online research for CD writing software. For instance, WINAMP has
an add-on module that works like a charm and is totally FREE.
Dude, do you enjoy gambling?
I would so enjoy putting money in a pot and contesting you.
We have a Pokerfest in twelve days - you up for a game?
If there's a God, you'll be a skilled Nine Ball player, too.
I'm not a techie, but I bet I could figure
out your system in half an hour or so.
Hey, we all have our strong suits.
Something on your mind?
Then listen for your voice on...
You have two minutes to speak your piece.
Outrage: The Whining Never Ends
Republicans' 'outrage' can't mask their fear of liberals who fight back
saw it on takebackthemedia.com
"The first thing you should realize about the Republican party and all their assorted spokespeople,
representatives, mouthpieces and surrogates is this - they can dish it out, but they cannot take it.
Over the past ten years, conservatives have
defined the rules of the game as it is played today.
Throughout 8 years of non-stop attacks on Bill Clinton - despite his unparalleled success as a two-term,
legally elected president - they nearly perfected the technique of sliming their political opponents.
Remember the 'Clinton Body Count?' Remember The Clinton Chronicles, in which Clinton was accused
of everything from drug dealing to outright murder? Sure you do. You couldn't swing a dead cat in
Washington, DC without hitting some Republican who was pushing one outlandish allegation or another
about Clinton. So effective was the rumor-mongering that many otherwise intelligent Americans still
believe that Clinton either raped someone or killed someone or stole something."
Bob Magaz----, I need your e-mail address to get you in the members section
Please write to firstname.lastname@example.org
and put your e-mail in the body of the letter.
We'll get you fixed up.
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Wesley Clark Krugman Conason
Bart uses ctyme.com hosting because it's the best!
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright '© 2003, bartcop.com
I can't believe my equipment works.
I'm going to drown you in radio shows.
If your GOP workplace doesn't want you to
see the truth, use these mirrors.
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Jointon your next American tour.
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