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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Putting a #6 on Iraq  Zell Miller - Not Dead Yet  Halliburton investigations Greg Palast live in Ecuador Musclehead lost his mind?  Murdering Jane Fonda PBS told to Nazi up 'or else' If you were Jenna Bush... 'Slur' kills coach's career     Quote of the Day "Bush held a prime time televised news    conference to discuss why holding hands    with another man doesn't mean you're gay."        --Conan O'Brien

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Quotes

"Some of these leftist groups would love to isolate
  members of Congress so that we don't talk to Americans."
     --Tom DeLay, defending his lobbyist-financed trips overseas - to talk to Americans??  Attribution
 

..
"People believe me..."

  Comments?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Guys in my unit, particularly the younger guys, would drive by in their Humvee and shatter
 bottles over the heads of Iraqi civilians passing by. They'd keep a bunch of empty Coke bottles
 in the Humvee to break over people's heads. An Army sergeant lashed a group of children with
 a steel Humvee antenna, and a Marine planted a vicious kick in the chest of a kid about 6 years old.

 I walked up to my commander and gave him my weapon. I said: "I'm not going to fight. I'm not going
 to kill anyone. This war is wrong. I'll stay. I'll finish my job as a mechanic. But I'm not going to hurt anyone.
 And I want to be processed as a conscientious objector."
 

 What is this guy, gay?
 Why doesn't he want to humiliate, torture and murder the Iraqis.
 After all these sons of bitches have done to us?
 We have to get revenge for ... for, ...

 I forget - why are we in Iraq?

  Comments?

 Subject: Nancy Grace

 Why do I get the feeling that Grace (and maybe the rest of Fox--er CNN)
 was actually bitterly disappointed when the Bride turned up alive?

 What a sick sick woman.
 Why did CNN hire her?
 Misty
 

 Misty, it's all about ratings, not accuracy or integrity.
 I agree - Grace probably lost a lot of money when she turned up alive.

 Comments?

 Summary of Halliburton investigations

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
Nigeria bribery probe: The U.S. Department of Justice
Nigeria bribery probe: The French government
The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission
The U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation
The Pentagon
The Treasury Department
 

 Note: All US investigations are controlled by the BFEE and all foreign investigations have no
 power other than to seize Halliburton assets which would personally anger the Monkey who
 controls the world's only superpower military so don't hold your breath for justice to happen.

  Comments?

 Zell Miller - Not Dead Yet
  Going-to-hell traitor released from hospital

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Former Democrat Zell Miller said Friday a fast-paced schedule whoring his
 new book was partly to blame for the illness that kept him hospitalized overnight.

 The traitor, who denounced everything his entire acreer stood for as a Democrat,
 gave a hate-filled speech of nasty-ass lies during last year's Nazi-Con 2004 and is
 popular with guns groups, racists and is a big hit on the conservative speaking tour

..
     "I fucking hate myself."

  Comments?

 Quotes

"Here's our typical evening: nine o'clock and Mr Excitement here is sound asleep
  and I'm watching DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. I mean it, those women on that show
  think they're desperate; they ought to be with George."
      -- Pickles Bush at the White House whores dinner

"Of course she likes the show.
  She can relate the the characters who commit murder.
  She murdered her boyfriend."
   -- saw it on the newsgroups
 

 Plus her husband holds many "most murders" records.

  Comments?

 Subject: Jesus would not have invaded Iraq

 War should be the last option, not the first. Bush with a big push from the Christian Right,
 jumped into the Iraq invasion before exhausting all peaceful options. Jesus never would have
 agreed to this senseless act. He was all about peace and helping the poor and the disabled.

 Bush is all about maiming the poor and creating the disabled. He would rather aid the healthy
 and wealthy, yet the Christian Right has embraced this guy in the name of Jesus. I guess it all
 boils down to abortion. Bush is against abortion, so all the hideous crimes are overlooked by
 this narrow minded and hypocritical group. At some point America and the media will wake up
 to just how foolish this administration really is. That time is coming soon.

 Mississippi Joan

 Comments?

 If you were Jenna Bush...

..

 ...wouldn't you do this kind of stuff behind closed doors?

  Comments?

 Subject: Clinton and gas prices

 Bart, old buddy, old Pal...

 Wow! I do believe that I have just witnessed the first time, EVER, that you've let
 criticism of the Big Dog slide in your treehouse without a comment from you defending him.
 Particularly, one as substantial as the one posted by you this weekend... I am amazed...

 While I personally have been irritated from time to time by what seems to me to be your
\ refusal to admit that he (the Big Dog) may have made some big mistakes, I also have
 grudgingly admired your loyalty to him and his wife, no matter what...

 That said, I believe that many things are beyond the ability of a president to influence,
 such as the mentioned mergers. It happens to both sides. Progressive things have come
 from Republican administrations and conservative ones from the Democrat's.
 To deny that is simply not an intelligent stance... Regards to you and yours...

 BadtotheboneBob
 

 Bob, that was an oversight.
 While we're in this browser-composer transition stage, I'm not able to correct
 mistakes or spelling errors etc. I saw that error too late to correct it.

 The truth is, when Clinton was president we were drowning in cheap oil.
 There was no need to get aggressive with the greedy oil bastards because they knew
 Clinton wouldn't let them rape every family in America.

 Today, we're still drowning in cheap oil, but Bush gave BIG OIL the green light
 to double and triple their profits by charging $3 for gas they paid $1 for.

 Also, Repubs like that goofy Darren never put blame on the guy driving the bus.
 If gas prices skyrocket under Bush, they just blame Clinton.
 If Bush decided to fake a war with Iraq, they just blame Clinton.

  Comments?

 Quotes

"We promise God that the dog Bush will not enjoy peace of mind and that his army
  will not have a good life as long as our hearts are beating. We are coming."
  -- Evildoer Zarqawi after a car bombs killed at least 29 people in Iraq on Friday,  Attribution

 Bush's Testicles Celebrate Two Years G-Strap-Free
  May 1, 2003, the Monkey in his pilot's costume said, "I won my war!"

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Bush's testicles have a confession to make.

"We're really not that big," says Lefty, the bigger of the president's gonads.  "Most people think
 we're larger than normal because of that horrid day two years ago aboard the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln."
 Junior, Bush's other testicle, nodded in agreement.  "That dumbass kept us in his g-strap for two hours."
 

   Comments?

 Quotes

"I remember the box, the pipes, even the two wires. They made me stand on a box
  with my hands hooked to wires and shocked me with electricity. It felt like my eyeballs
  were coming out of their sockets. I fell, and they put me back up again for more."
    --Haj Ali, the man under the black hood,  Attribution
 

..
 
 

..
 So this one sand nigger's standing there crying and he says,
"Please, my eyes are coming out of their sockets!"
 ha ha,  you woulda loved it, Mr President!
 

  Comments?

 Subject: American soldiers go crazy

 Bart,
 I wrote to Atrios regarding the Giulia Sgrena matter - here's his reply:

 "if I were there I'd be shooting everything that moved.  That doesn't make it right of course,
  I just sympathize with the position they're in.  The responsibility lies with the leadership who
  sent them there and the military leadership who haven't placed any importance in maintaining discipline."

 Wal the Aussie
 

 Wal, I agree with Atrios (assuming those are his words).
 I've said so many times on the page and in BCR
 If something moves and you don't shoot it, you could be dead in seconds.
 It's not right and it's not fair, but our soldiers don't want to die in Iraq.

 The problem is the blood-thirsty theif/bastard who sent them there for no reason.
 It was the Iraqi's bad luck to be living on land that contained George Bush's oil.

  Comments?

 Saving Jane Fonda: America held hostile
  saw it on  smirkingchimp.com

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 As Caldera saw it, Jane Fonda was a traitor who should be dealt with according to the
 laws governing traitors, but she should not have to suffer the insult of being spat upon.

 It was mildly amusing to hear grown men attempt to justify their pro-spit stance with various
 inane rationalizations. Amusing, that is, until one caller calmly hinted at an act not previously
 raised during the evening's discussion. With apparent sincerity, this particular fellow said he'd
 gladly wait 90 minutes in line for the opportunity to spit in Jane Fonda's face. But, he added,
 spit would not be his weapon of choice.

 Caldera, a skilled performer, gradually drew forth from him a desire to kill Jane Fonda.
 The man would not, however, risk killing her up close and personal while she was singing books.
 What would you do? asked Caldera.

 The caller replied, "I'd stand outside across the street and 'plink' her when she left the bookstore."
"So you would kill Jane Fonda," Caldera said.

 The caller answered, "In a heartbeat."
 

 Funny, it's a crime to threaten to shoot warmongers and murderers but it's perfectly OK
 to threaten to shoot the people who want less murder and fewer wars - crazy world, eh?

  Comments?

 For a limited time only...because we only have a few

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 Review of Al Franken's "Lying Liars"
   by my good friend Bobby Wits

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 To realize that the Right Wing has got away with their series of Big Lies
 for over 20 years with impunity is NOT FUNNY, it's ENRAGING.

 To realize and finally have Americans begin to understand how they've
 been had for so long is NOT FUNNY, it's ENRAGING.

 However, to see Franken's book and visibility on the rise is gratifying..Aand it's not too late.
 To see him, Molly Ivins, Joe Conason, Paul Krugman, David Corn, Sid Blumenthal and
 Michael Moore so much more visible is gratifying as well.

 There's hope.

  Comments?

 Subject: on top

 He still gets to be on top when he's with Tony Blair...

 Marie in Bangkok
 

 ha ha

 You're right - I forgot Bush's poodle.

   Comments?

 GOP Chair tells PBS to Nazi up 'or else'
  How dare PBS not be in lockstep with the networks and big papers

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The Republican chairman of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting is aggressively
 pressing public television to correct what he and other conservatives consider liberal bias,
 prompting some public broadcasting leaders - including the chief executive of PBS
 - to object that his actions pose a threat to editorial independence.

   Comments?

 Subject: runaway bride

 Will Nancy Grace guarantee to convict the bride's fiancé
 even though she was never kidnapped?

 Sailboat Boy

    Comments?

 Greg Palast reports from Ecuador

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 OK, I said, looking at The People milling around the city square, some looking frighteningly earnest,
 some drunk, all angry except for the blasé soldiers rolling their eyes and shifting their automatic weapons.

 I had the confidential World Bank docs under my arm to show them, but unlike Americans, these Indians
 and tattered Mestizos already know all about the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund and
"restructuring" and "hard currency reserves" and the dreaded "austerity" which means no water, high electric
 bills and no shots for the kids.

 Anyway, to The People, No One would be better than Someone because Someone, always "un rico,"
 (a rich guy) sold them out.   The UN man told me, "They're $5 million short for vaccines -- yet Ecuador
 spent $5 million on sponsoring the Miss Universe contest."
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Why is it?

 A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim it's a free market.
 but if an old lady buys her prescription from a Canadian pharmacy, that's American

 ...and you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a powerful lobby?

 Al B
 

 That crazy Bush bastard lies when he says Canadian drugs aren't safe.
 Canada buys their drugs from Phizer and Merc

 The most honest rebuttal to this is, "Fuck you, liar."
 

  Comments?

 Quotes

"I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together
  is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings.
  I think we have controlled Al Qaeda."
      --Pat Robertson, saying that Federal judges are worse than Al Qaeda   Attribution

  Comments?

 Subject: Runaway bride

 And if she were African-American or Latina it wouldn't have
 made it into the local supermarket throw away.

 Cheryl

  Comments?

 Has Musclehead lost his fascist mind?

..
      Hey asshole, which state were you born in?

  Click  Here

  Excerpts:
 It certainly seemed that way last week, when Musclehead responded to a question
 about illegal immigration by saying the U.S. should "close the borders" with Mexico
 to stop "all of those people coming across."

 The gaffe infuriated the state's Hispanic voters, and Musclehead rushed to explain he
 had meant to say "securing our border," blaming the misunderstanding on a "language problem."
 But suddenly Muscleheads heavily accented bons mots didn't seem so charming.

 Political circles were buzzing with the near-certainty that Musclehead, whose approval
 rating plunged from 65% last year to 49%, is Teutonic toast.

  Comments?

 Subject: Nancy Grace

 Poor 'ol Nancy must be seriously pissed right now.
 Shit, she had Mason as good as convicted and on death row.
 Goddammnit is she pissed!

 Hey Nancy, Neener, neener, neener...

 VTC

  Comments?

 Quotes

"Bush said he was willing to listen to good ideas from either party.
  The American people look at this and they see the Democrats not even
  willing to come halfway, not even willing to engage in a conversation."
    --Judy Woodruff, fair and balanced, on Inside Whore Politics, Attribution

   Comments?

 Subject: runaway bride

 Well, she surrendered in my home town of Albuquerque, New Mexico.
 If you watched/read the current media?, you'd think that the Pope dropped in.
 Yikes.

 Author of  my erotic adventures with billy the kid
 

 Tell Billy that Bart says "Hey."

   Comments?

 Subject: Tom Cruise can't act?

 Bart, just your opinion, of course.
 Most critics disagree with you wholeheartedly.

 Are you sure you're not just a little jealous because
 he's so darn good looking and still a good actor?

 Karen in Wash state
 

 Karen, is that's why Tom had to add another room
 to his Beverly Hills mansion - to hold all those Oscar statues?

 Sorry, that was mean.

 I'll say one thing about Cruise - he has courage.
 He doesn't surround himself with others who can't act.
 He's done films with Nicholson, Van Snydow, Hackman,
 Hoffman, Duvall, Newman - he's got courage, all right.

   Comments?

 'Nigger' kills coach's career

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Oklahoma baseball coach Larry Cochell resigned Sunday after reports
 surfaced of alleged racial remarks he made, likely ending his 39-year career.

 Cochell used the slur (It's so bad they can't print it?) after praising African-American
 outfielder Joe Dunigan. Later, in an interview with color commentator Kyle Peterson,
 Cochell also said, "Dunigan is a good black kid."  Cochell had issued an apology and
 repeated the sentiment in his resignation letter Sunday.

"As I have said in a public statement, I deeply regret that I carelessly used language that is
 clearly contrary to the basic values of our university. Those words also created an impression
 contrary to my own personal values and my respect for all people," the letter read.
 

 Well, if nobody dares to say it, it must've been the dreaded "N-word."  The irony is, he was
 trying to say good things about the kid and apparently the wrong word slipped out.

 Should a coach be fired for letting a word slip?
 The Monkey called Adam Clymer "that asshole," and Cheney told Leahy to "Go fuck yourself,"
 Those words didn't slip out - they meant those words.

 Do you remember the story when Uncle OJ Watts was trying out for the OU football team?
 Some coach went to Eufala, OK to see Uncle OJ play, and one of the hosts of the showcase
 said, "Check out our nigger!   He's great!" with all the pride a Republican could muster.

 If that baseball coach had said, "The niggers on our team are lazy and stupid," then fire him.
 But from what I can tell (It's all over the news here) the man simply let the wrong word slip out.
 The rest of his life, he's going to be "that racist coach" for letting that word slip - that's not right.

 And what's wrong with saying "Dunigan is a good black kid,"  besides that it's irrellevant
 to mention the skin color of the fella he's talking about.   Is "black" a slur now, too?

 Seems to me this coach is being fired for making a simple mistake. If he's got a history of
 racial hatred or prejudice, that would be another story, but he was prising the kid.

...or is "kid" a racial insult, too?
 Christ, I hope not - we talk about "kids" dying in Iraq.

 I'm not saying this to drum up controversy, either.
 If YOU have an opinion, especially if you disagree, I'd like to hear from you.
 I'll be nice.

  Comments?

 Subject: letter to the LA Times

 So help me God, if the Democrats can ever claw their way back to power,
 they should rig the voting machines, purge the executive branch, pack the courts,
 eliminate Republican dissent, cripple industries that fund Republicans, bully the media
 to spout their propaganda, stage crises to usurp power and crush the Republicans forever.

 Now that would be a fair fight.
 Gary Abramson
 

 Trust me - they'd never do that.
 Why?

 Because that wouldn't be nice - and if the Democrats stand for anything,
 it's being nice and playing fair and turning the other cheek and doving their enemies.

 How did I become a Democrat?

   Comments?

 David Letterman, CBS

 Mo 5/9: Will Ferrell, Robert Plant
 Tu 5/10: Helen Hunt, Tom Dreesen
 We 5/11: Priscilla Presley, Quentin Tarantino
 Th 5/12: Billy Crystal, Garbage
 

 Thanks to  Mike S, who receives 30 days of BartCop Radio

  Comments?

 Sleeping with Cameron Diaz
    by Jessica Alba

..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Jessica Alba says that she and Cameron Diaz got to know each other really well
 in Honduras recently shooting an episode of Diaz's new travel show "Trippin',"
 because they were forced to share a bed. "I didn't know her before the trip," Alba said.
"We were strangers. But there weren't enough rooms, so we had to bunk together
 She didn't snore."

  Comments?

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