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Tues-Wednesday   Dec 20-21, 2005  Volume 1674 - The Stench of Failure 

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Power of Nightmares

In Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Is Bush Lying?
Dems: Bush is lying 
Cheney Defends Rape 
Boxer: "Impeachable?" 
Republican Guilty 
Monkey Mail 
Doobie Defense 
DeLay's Lifestyle 
Britney Sex Tape? 


 Quote of the Day

"It is ironic that several of these individuals, 
  who so staunchly and proudly touted their 
  religious convictions in public, would time 
  and again lie to cover their tracks and 
  disguise the real purpose behind the 
 "Intelligent Design" policy." 
        -- Judge Jones, calling them liars,  Link


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A fascinating daily look at all the things
that could have happened, but never did.


"The president can't pass the buck on this one. This is his program.
 He's commander in chief. But commander in chief does not trump the Bill of Rights."
     --Harry Reid, weak and ineffective, threatening to take a "wet noodle" to Bush
         for raping the Fourth Amendment, then slitting its throat and burying it just
         outside the Beltway in an unmarked, shallow grave    Link

Gee, Harry - what would Bush have to do to make you angry?


Is Bush Leveling With America?
  by Robert Parry as seen on  consortiumnews.com


The U.S. news media is hailing George W. Bush's latest speeches on Iraq for their supposed realism.
But the speeches contain few concessions to the real world, continuing many of Bush's discredited
arguments and phony rationalizations, such as his odd notion that democracies are intrinsically peaceful.
The bottom line is that Bush is still not leveling with the American people.


Subject: Bush said they only secretly eavesdrop on people...

Hi Bart,
What we want to know is: Exactly on whom is Bush spying that makes it SO top secret?
Bet it's reporters and other politicians - Whadda ya bet?

Maybe they did a sweep of Kerry's home and office before the election and then blackmailed him
thus explaining why he "conceded" so quickly or even worse, why he acted like such a weenie candidate...

Later, dude
Sally P

Sally, you could be right.
Bush has never had power that he didn't abuse.

When he gets caught, he huffs, "I can do whatever I want,"
and the gelding Democrats agree, then wet themselves in fear of Karl Rove.



"I'm the guy that drafted the FISA Act -- it's a secret court allowing the president to wiretap
anybody, intercept anything for up to 75 hours. They can in the meantime go into that court and say,
`I needed to do this.' If there's a reason the court thinks is under the Constitution permissible,
they're allowed to do it. If it turns out they're not allowed to do it, they have to destroy the evidence.
He already has the authority under the FISA court to go in and intercept anything he wants up to 72 hours.
It is a little bit frightening how broadly he asserts his authority as commander in chief, where the guy
hasn't shown very good judgment on torture or a lot of other things."
     --Sen. Joe Biden, weak and ineffective, threatening to take a "wet noodle" to Bush
         for raping the Fourth Amendment, then slitting its throat and burying it just
         outside the Beltway in an unmarked, shallow grave   Link

What a bunch of hapless, sackless losers we have "representing" us.
We deserve better than this.


Dems: Bush is lying
 We never OK'd domestic spying


Some Democrats say they never approved a domestic wiretapping program, undermining lies by
Der Murder Monkey that the plan was fully vetted in a series of congressional briefings.

Bush, accused of breaking the the law, on Monday issued a forceful defense of the program he first authorized
shortly after 9-11. His senior aides claim the program was narrowly targeted at individuals with a suspected link
to al-Qaida, such as Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid and Hillary. And Bush said it was "a shameful act" for his allies at
the New York Whore Times to finally alert the nation that Bush was breaking the law..


Subject: Blazing Saddles

Dude, the best exchange in the whole movie is:

"Bart?  They said you was hung!"

"And they was right!"

(a Richard Pryor classic...)




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Cheney Defends 4th Amendment Rape


Dick Cheney vigorously defended Bush secret domestic spying and efforts to expand presidential powers,
saying "it's not an accident that we haven't been hit in four years."

Yeah, we know, Dick.
Who gave the order for Al Qaeda to stand down from attacking America?
Was it you?

Either we're serious about fighting the war on terror or we're not," the vice president said.
"The president and I believe very deeply that there is a hell of a threat."

"Watergate and a lot of the things around Watergate and Vietnam both during the '70s served, I think,
to erode the authority I think the president needs to be effective, especially in the national security area.
This administration has been able to restore some of  the legitimate authority of the presidency."

Cheney believes the presidency should have no oversight - when a Republican is in office.
And they're getting away with their crimes because the Democrats are afraid to call them on it.


Subject: proof of spying


I have a friend who was present at a protest of a Bush fundraiser in St. Louis several years back.
He snuck into the hotel where the fundraiser was being held. He wound up on the floor where Bush was staying.

He was snatched by the secret service, detained in a hotel room and interrogated for hours. They let him go without
charging him with anything but anyone who's name he mentioned in the interrogation had their phone tapped for six months.

I'm wondering if it can be found out through the freedom of information act if these were court approved wiretaps.
If there is no material proof of that then logically the wiretaps were done under Bush's bullshit NSA scheme;
also proving that he is using the taps to spy on americans with no ties whatsoever to foreign terrorism.

I ask humbly that you post this message on your site. We're looking for the help of a lawyer with this and will supply
all information needed in searching for any documents which might prove or disprove this hunch of mine.
Feel free to post my e-mail address for anyone interested in responding.

Andy Phipps

Andy, good luck. I hope someone contacts you.
BTW, how'd you know the phones were tapped for 6 months?


A Challenge for Bill O'Reilly


Let us all pray for Bill O'Reilly. Let us pray that Mr. O'Reilly will understand that the Christmas spirit isn't
about hectoring people to say "Merry Christmas," rather than "Happy Holidays," but about helping the needy.
Let us pray that Mr. O'Reilly will use his huge audience and considerable media savvy to save lives and fight
genocide, instead of to vilify those he disagrees with. Let him find inspiration in Jesus, rather than in the Assyrians.
Finally, let's pray that Mr. O'Reilly and other money-changers in the temple will donate the funds they raise
exploiting Christmas - covering the nonexistent "War on Christmas" rakes in viewers and advertising - to feed
the hungry and house the homeless. Amen."

Isn't it rather useless to ask a money-grubbing whore to stop making money?
I saw a little bit of this nutjob last night, and he was railing against journalists who have a
unfavorable opinion of Bush, screaming, "They take an opinion and pretend it's a fact!"

Can you believe O'Reilly would accuse someone of that?

"I hate myself!"


 Chapter Eleven

Today: Adnan Al-Zuhari

Click to Enter

Iranian President Admits Abramoff Paid Him
 This reads like a joke - is it real?


Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad admitted today that he said the Holocaust was a "myth"
because Washington lobbyist Jack Abramoff paid him to do it. "Do I believe it? Of course not," he said.
"Only an idiot could believe the Holocaust never happened." Ahmadinejad said he uttered the comments,
which have caused widespread global condemnation, because the offer from Abramoff was too good to turn down.

"At first, he offered me $2,000÷the same he offered to those Washington think- tankers. Chump change.
I held out for a hundred grand. I can get myself a nice Mercedes and buy some fissile materials from North Korea."

Ahmadinejad said he took a lot of flak from Shi'ite clerics for taking money from Abramoff, but he dismissed
the complaints. "Who cares? Money is money. Besides, I spent a lot of time with him, and found out we had
a lot in common. I looked into his eyes and saw his soul. He has a good heart."  He added, "Ayatollah Khameini
was furious, calling Abramoff a 'vermin Infidel swine.' I told him, 'Be cool, Jack is our kind of Jew.'"

This was on Yahoo News, but it reads like a gag.
The Iranian president uses terms like, "Chump change" and "Be cool?" 
And why would Jack (The Jew) Abramoff want Iran to piss off Israel?

Can somebody clue me in?
id Yahoo move into the fake news business?



Subject: getting more subscribers

How about a referral program?

Give your current subscribers and electronic referral package consisting of a sample page of really
entertaining political humor and a sample audio file - say five uproarious minutes - to pass along to friends.
Sometimes it's really hard to get people to follow a link, (ha ha  Tell me about it) and then on first visit
your site can be a little overwhelming. I found it to be an acquired taste, a gradual addiction.
So just give people a little taste to pass on to friends.

That's a great idea, but someone else would have to pick the clips.
I have no idea what works and what doesn't.

You can offer a bonus to your current subscribers for the referrals that result in new subscriptions - and to
make this more enticing, you can give your readers some choices. They could (A) take the bonus for themselves,
(B) pass it on to the friend they referred, or (C) you could set up a fund where the $ value of the bonus will be
accrued all year, and then referring subscribers get to vote on who gets the money at the end of 2006.

For that sample page, may I suggest that you absolutely include the classics:
-Russert's bobbing head with "Clinton's cock"
-Squirelly DeLay with his swinging balls
-The Pink Tutu Democrats

Good Luck, Bart!
Joanne the marketing professional

Anybody have any favorite bits or sound clips we could use in a sample section?

  I do, Bart - I do!

Boxer: "Impeachable offense?"


Sen. Barbara Boxer has sent a letter to four presidential scholars, asking them to give their opinions
on whether the Giggling Murderer has committed an impeachable offense.   Boxer said Bush had
authorized the NSA to "spy on Americans" without getting a warrant from a judge.

Bush said he authorized the NSA to engage in electronic surveillance of American citizens, but lied
when he claimed they only spy on citizens who communicate with al-Qaeda-affiliated groups overseas.

Bush claimed that there are strict limits on the program, which was undertaken with the full knowledge of
House and Senate leaders. "Leaders in the United States Congress have been briefed more than a dozen
times on this program," Bush said on Monday, but the Democrats tell a different story.

Finally, a senator with balls - and she's a woman.


Subject: Why was Melinda Gates honored?

Half of those many billions are hers, that's why.


Maybe, but he was the world's richest man - and then he married her.
It's not like she worked to put him thru med school.

Note: Someone said that Gates had never given to charity until he was married.


Why blog for just friends & family?
Blog for dozensadvertise on  bartcop.com

Your guess as good as mine
  by my good friend Kurt Vonnegut


If you are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington, D.C.
The guessers are in charge -- the haters of information...What good is an education?
The boisterous guessers are still in charge--the haters of information.
And the guessers are almost all highly educated people. Think of that.

They have had to throw away their educations, even Harvard or Yale educations, to become guessers.
If they didn't do that, there is no way their uninhibited guessing could go on and on and on.
Please, don't you do that. But let me warn you, if you make use of the vast fund of knowledge
now available to educated persons, you are going to be lonesome as hell.
The guessers outnumber you--and now I have to guess--about ten to one."


Subject: Hillary

Your web page is highly entertaining and fights the good fight,
but you are boxing yourself in a corner with Hillary.

I suggest that you avail yourself of an article by WERTHER in the December 17 edition of CounterPunch.org.
This might be the smelling salts you need.

John F

John, if we disagree, that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
New polls shows Hillary at 43%, with Quitter and Edwards tied for 14%.
Everyone agrees it's Hillary's race to lose.

I fully expect the left wing to try to kill our best shot at winning.
We'd rather lose with dignity than win with an imperfect candidate.

We're Democrats - that's what we do.


Republican Guilty in Phone Jamming


A jury convicted a former national Republican official of two telephone harassment charges for
his role in a phone-jamming plot against New Hampshire Democrats on Election Day 2002.

James Tobin, was regional political director to the Republican National Committee and the National
Republican Senatorial Committee in the 2002 election, the year of a closely watched Senate race
between Democrat Jeanne Shaheen and John Sununu. Sununu defeated Shaheen, 51 percent to 46 percent.

Tobin was President Bush's New England campaign chairman last year, but resigned when he got caught.
He faces a maximum seven-year prison term and $500,000 in fines when he is sentenced in March



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Marty's Entertainment Page

always has good stuff.

Subject: Hilliary


I just don't understand.  You don't owe Hillary a thing.
She wasn't president in the '90's, her husband was.
Hillary does not get a pass from me to act like a George W. Bush clone.
That must be making both Chelsea and Bill a bit uneasy, don't you think?

Because you claim it's true doesn't make it true.
You're so far left that Hillary and Monkey look like clones to you.

Give me one reason I should vote for Hillary Clinton.

She has the best chance to make the BFEE go away.
How many reasons do you need?

Don't tell me because she's not George Bush.  She's doing a pretty damn good impression.

Says you.
Would Hillary have lied us into a fake war so she & Halliburton could rape Iraq?

McCain has a better chance of getting my vote, and I'd rather not vote for McCain.
I put Hillary in Lieberman's class, and you might as well be shouting, "Vote for Lieberman!"
Bart, Hillary's head belongs on that line of Dems clad in pink tutus.

You mean I have to explain this again?
Pick any issue in the last 300 and read why Hillary's not like the others.

I hate to see you do this Bart - go "all in" on HRC.  If you go "all in" and lose, you're out.

I don't have to place my bet until 2008.
I'm saying right now Hillary is the favorite.
She's 30 points ahead of the rest of the pack.
You any good with math?

And there's enough information on the table to know you can't win this one.
By early in the primary season in '08 you could wind up irrelevant instead irreverent.

I think one of us is logical and practical and one of us is blindly lying to himself.
BTW, who is your candidate - Ramsey Clark?

Bart, you need to talk this one over with somebody.  Come on out to the boat.  Let's talk.
This is getting serious.  Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

Jimmy the Nut

Do friends let friends block the best Democrat so the Republicans win again?
The smartest thing you said is "Let's talk."
You need some serious straightening out.


Subject: Sir Jimmy?  No way...


Sorry mate, an OBE is not (that's NOT) a Knighthood.
A Knighthood is a Knighthood and an OBE is the Order of the British Empire.
We do have Sir Elton John, Sir Paul McCartney and Sir Mick Jagger, though....


Phil, I get it - they give the OBE to the truly great musicians and
they grant knighthood to lesser musicians with high-dollar publicists?


Doobie Brother now a secret weapon on terror


Guitarist Jeff Baxter is a founding member of Steely Dan and a member of the Doobie Brothers.
The 56-year-old Baxter has eight platinum albums and two Grammys, but he likes to call himself
a hippie rock guitarist with top secret clearances. Now, believe it or not, he's one of the top
counterterrorism experts in the United States.

In the mid-'80s, when Baxter started researching music technology. He then started reading about
weapons systems, became a self-taught expert and, for the fun of it, wrote a five-page paper on missile defense.

Baxter:  So, one day, I don't know what happened. I sat down at my Tandy 200 and wrote this paper about
how to convert the Aegis weapon system ÷ why it would make sense to convert it to do theatre missile defense
because it would be on a mobile platform and give the United States a new role in NATO in the 21st century.
I have no idea.  I just did it..


Subject: Bush's wiretaps

Bush is a cornered animal now. And as such he lashes out at all who approach him.
He in essence has adopted an offense that says: "I did it...I'm glad I did it...and I
will do it again. I'm the president and I can do any god damn thing I please."

Anyone hear a little boy here?

If only America had a free press or a second political party...


Bush bullies hiding  bartcop.com  from you?

Surf anonymously
by entering bartcop.com at

BCR Show 85 clip



Musclehead to hometown: Drop dead


An angry Governor Musclehead demanded his name be taken off a stadium in the Austrian town
of Graz, following harsh criticism of his eagerness to kill Tookie Williams.

"To spare da leadership in Graz further embarrassments, I withdraw with immediate effect da right
to use my name in connection with your stadium," the fascist governor wrote to the mayor of Graz.

In his letter, Governor Gang Bang said he was "disappointed" by local criticism following his decision
to murder the former gang leader for having the gall to claim he wasn't guilty.  "I likely will have similar
chances to kill more of da black men in my remaining time as governor," he smirked.



Subject: who is Angelina Jolie????

Bart, who is Angelina Jolie??

Tom B

Tom, she's a very famous person.
Someone told me she was on the cover of 11 magazines at the airport.
Do you get to the airport often?

Don't feel bad, because I'll bet Einstein didn't know who Paris Hilton was...


1 in 20 lack basic English skills



Eleven million U.S. adults ÷ about one in 20 ÷ have such poor English skills that they can't read
a newspaper, understand the directions on a bottle of pills or, in many cases, carry on a basic conversation.

Recent immigrants with limited or no English skills and GOP monkeys account for most of the group,
but the survey suggests that even the average adult has low skills.  Only 52% could look at a heating bill
and figure out that a five-cent-per gallon deduction on a purchase of 140 gallons of oil would yield $7.

"It's a stark snapshot of adult literacy in the 21st century," said Dale Lipschultz., president of the National
Coalition for Literacy. "We know that a more literate America will be more competitive and prosperous."


Subject: former subscriber

...the reason I've subscribed, donated and bought your gear was because of the page.
It's always good.
But new issues aren't as frequent as they were before the radio show, which is also good.

No complaints, but, I'd rather have the page every day, and updated than the radio show.
My opinion.

PB, you might have a point.
The radio show consumes terra-bites of time.
Without the radio show, I'd have a life - but I'd also have no income.

Last show, I promised to publish every review (that was risky) - only a handfull of people replied.
The page has dozens, plural, of readers, so perhaps the radio show is not a sufficient allocation of my time?

I could go "all page" or I could go "all radio" and things would get better.
I'm a clueless dude doing the best that he can.

I'll meditate on that.


 Iraq pumps 2,000,000 barrels a day,
(and that was before the 2002 Halliburton Upgrade)
 times today's oil price which is  $58.09 a barrel
makes $117,180,000  Bush stole just yesterday

2154 2158 have died for Halliburton

Four more in Cheney's meat grinder

Bush brought in a gusher of blood.


Click Here to Search Bartcop

Donors Underwrite DeLay's Luxury Lifestyle
  He's come a long way from killing Sugarland cockroaches

  Donate, get DeLaid


As Tom DeLay became a king of campaign fundraising, he lived like one too. He visited cliff-top
Caribbean resorts, fancy golf courses and four-star restaurants ÷ all courtesy of political donors.

DeLay and his minions have visited places of luxury most Americans have never seen,
often getting there aboard corporate jets arranged by lobbyists and other special interests.

Public documents tell the story: at least 48 visits to golf clubs and resorts with lush fairways;
100 flights aboard company planes; 200 stays at hotels, many world-class; and 500 meals
at restaurants, some averaging nearly $200 for a dinner for two.

Instead of his personal expense, the meals and trips for DeLay and his associates were paid with
donations collected by the campaign committees, political action committees and children's charity
the Texas Republican created during his rise to the top of Congress.


Richard Pryor Remembered at Funeral


Richard Pryor got a send-off fit for a king of comedy.  Anecdotes, tributes and tears flowed Saturday
in Los Angeles as family and friends gathered for a private funeral service memorializing the comedy architect.

About once every five years, I wish I was famous.
I would've killed to have been there.

But then, I might've gone all Bob Dole at Nixon;'s funeral, and that's no good.

I can still see that look on Dan Aykroyd's face - riding his bike - at Belushi's funeral,
and Richard Pryor wasn't even my partner, but I felt like Aykroyd when I heard the news..


Subject: you're a fraud

How would Hillary standing up for things we're in the majority on hurt her in getting the presidency, dumbass?

How would what?

You're obsession on this matter is so utterly asinine that you've got to be some kind of paid, whored out, little shill.

If you're right, the pay is awful.
Plus, my "obsession" is 30 points ahead of her challengers, yet you see her as a long shot?.

As events are now starting to unfold, by the time '08 rolls around, weak kneed pissants like you and Hillary
will be utterly irrelevant.

Do you have a proven track record of predicting unlikely events in the future?

You're getting that way fast, right now. You're also a coward who doesn't have the balls to acknowledge your
opponents arguments as they are actually stated because you'd get it shoved down your phony throat

That explain why your letters never get published, right?

...or be forced to come up with embarrassing rationales like that double standard for Hillary on the fighting back thing.

So, you're saying Hillary and Daniel Akaka, (D- HI) occupy the same place in history?
Amazingly, there are people who agree with you.
Too bad you can't explain yourself any better.

I don't think even McClellan would be stupid enough to try that one...are you practicing for
a press secretary role in Hillary's imaginary administration? I think you're the fraud for the job.


Would that be a paying position?


I think BCR 85 rocks,
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BCR 83, BCR 84  and the 4-disk BCR 85 delivered Priority Mail
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Can you say, "Stocking stuffer?"

If you're already a subscriber, keep the discs and the stickers
and give the 90 days of BCR to that smart-ass ditto-monkey at work.
 Eight CDs for just $28

Click to send PayPal


Anybody got any good ideas about how to increase subscriptions?
I mean, besides, "Do more radio, more pages and do them better..."

Thinking up subscription ideas is hard work.
My brain hurt for days after coming up with the Triple Triple idea.

I do, Bart - I got so many good subscription ideas
I should probably be your subscription idea manager.

Random Thought...

In last night's Richard Pryor tribute, someone said, "You get your best comedy from the pain,"
which is a blessing I get to enjoy almost daily.  If some clerk or waiter gives me a bad time, I get to write about it.
The worse a story is, the better the story reads on the page, so I have a good day either way.

If Bush ever sends his goons after me - assuming I survive the torture - I'll write a book!


Britney Spears Sex video? No way!!!

     "Would *I* get drunk
     and do something stupid?"


"Brit & Kev: Secret Sex Tape? They have a new worry: racy footage from 2004."

US Magazine reported the couple telling their lawyers that "a member of their entourage had threatened
to release raunchy footage of the two" and that Spears feared "the X-rated tape starring the two may go public."

The magazine also reported that the couple gave a copy to lawyers and watched it with them.

ha ha
Make them stop.

I look forward to the trial.


A laurel and hardy "Thank you" to bartcop.com  subscribers.
Because of you, I'm able to pressure Bush's cowardly ass full-time.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

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