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Weekend-Monday  Feb 11-13, 2006   Volume 1707 - Tan line Flambe'

Quote of the Day

"Iran is soliciting cartoons on the Holocaust. 
  So far, only Ted Rall, Garry Trudeau, and 
  the NY Times have made submissions."
      - Man Coulter, desperate for attention    Link

In Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Our Debt to Haiti
Ken Starr accused 
Ex-NASA Handjob
Brownie = Scapegoat?
Bush on Oprah's Couch
Mastercard Cuts Bush 
The LA Terrorist Plot
Science is wrong 
Scarlett and Keira



"Got WMDs?"

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"Barack Obama is the Donovan McNabb of the Senate." 
    -- Rush the vulgar Pigboy, reminding us why football fired his racist ass,  Link


America's Historic Debt to Haiti
  by Richard Parry  as seen on consortiumnews.com


Haiti's troubled elections have put the impoverished Caribbean nation briefly back into U.S. consciousness,
but few Americans know the historic debt that they owe to Haiti. Arguably, no country did more for the
United States and was treated worse for it -- a raw deal dating back two centuries to an extraordinary triangle
of conflict involving Thomas Jefferson, Napoleon Bonaparte and Haitian leader Toussaint L'Ouverture.

Note: consortiumnews.com  is the most important site on the Internet.


Ken Starr accused of faking clemency documents
  Ken starr fake evidence? A Godly man like him?


Lawyers for a death row inmate, including Kenneth Starr, (R-Hanrdon for Clintons) sent fake letters
from jurors asking Governor Musclehead to spare the man's life, prosecutors said Friday.

The jurors denied they thought Michael Morales deserved clemency because some of the testimony
at his trial may have been fabricated, said Nathan Barankin, spokesman for Attorney General Bill Lockyer.
"We showed each person the declaration on their behalf and they all said they didn't say that," Barankin said.


Ex-NASA Handjob Whines


A Bush-appointed staffer who resigned from NASA after he was accused of restricting access
to a noted climate scientist said Thursday he was targeted because of his political ties.

George C. Deutsch, (pronounced "dooshe") resigned from the agency's public relations department.

"What you do have is hearsay coming from a handful of people who have clear partisan ties
and they are really coming after me as a Bush appointee," he told radio station WTAW.
"I was an easy target. I was low-hanging fruit."

So why did you resign?
If somebody says, "Hey, there goes that Deutsch," why would you resign and whine?

Could it be because you're only 24 and you lied on your "I Love Bush" resume?
How does a 24 year-old fraud find himself censoring our top scientists?
Because you worked on the Bush campaign?

And for that you get to gag our top scientists on global warming?

And how many more "Brownies" are still faking credibility at their posts?
Puit another way, how man more Bush Deutsches do we have to put up with?


Subject: hockey and Janet Gretzsy

I realize you don't even know which end of a hockey stick points towards the ice. I barely do myself.
The issue is that hockey cannot afford a betting scandal.

That assumes gambling is a bad thing, which is ridiculous.
I'd like less government, please.
If hockey wants to bend over and beg forgiveness for this victimless "crime," that's their problem.

There are casinoes* in almost every state now, which proves the problem isn't gambling.
The problem is the state wants a piece of the action, but they can't compete with local friends
and family and they want to throw all competitors in jail, like the mob would.

From what I understand, the sport has just come back from a year and a half long lockout.
The last thing they need is Gretsky's wife betting 500 grand on anything.

It's none of our business what Janet wants to spend her own money on.
Why should this even be a matter for the police?

Pete Rose said he never bet on baseball. Do you believe him?

Ain't none of my business.
What if Pete liked to have sex with tall, blond women - would that be our business, too?
If he fixed games, or bet to lose, that's corruption, not gambling.

Do you believe Ms. Jones is the only one involved in this? Hockey doesn't need another blackeye.
It's boring enough as it is.

More boring than horse racing?
Horse racing is a boring sport made exciting by gambling.
If hockey is dying, maybe gambling could save it..

No matter what you think about gambling, it's illegal.

Spoken like a man who's lost a lot of bets.
Are youe willing to let the government steal all of your fun?
I say the government should be busting bin Laden, not friends playing poker.

If the wife of one of hockey's top executives is gambling, they're going to have to get the cops involved.
Sports gambling presents the appearance that the fix is in.
Given hockey's troubles, they have to step on this and hard.

Rude Rich

If a preacher is crooked, do we shut down the churches?
If a doctor overbills Medicare, do we close the hospitals?

I'm for less government - fight me if you must.


Subject: al Qaeda vs L.A.

Bart, it's sad but true.
Al Qaeda is now targeting the personal, private asses of ordinary citizens.
I know, because yesterday I thwarted an attack in which Al Qaeda
planned to crash a hijacked airliner on my own ass.

And my wife tells me she did the same just two days earlier.
Honest to Invisible Cloud Being that's the truth.

Steatopygy John


Fast and Easy with the LA Terrorist Plot


There is something terribly disingenuous about the President's assertions today that a 9/11 styled attack
on the West Coast was thwarted. The President, then later his Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend
in a conference call with the press, argued that un-named Al Qaeda operatives arrested in un-named countries
were actively planning the attack (though they would not say how far along it was) at an un-named time.

All details are classified.
How convenient.
How un-verifiable for the public.

The administration is simply trying to justify its blatantly illegal NSA wire-tapping program to the public.


Check the date on the bust.
They expect him to stay past 2009?

Specter Caught Lying to Himself

"During my stewardship here, I'm going to put everybody under oath
  when we have testimony, as we do on confirmation hearings."
     -  Judi Chair Arlen Specter, April 5, 2005    Link

"It is my judgment that it is unnecessary to swear Alberto Gonzales."
     -  Judi Chair Arlen Specter, Feb 6, 2006    Link


Goodbye Marriage, Hello PTSD
 'Can we Come Home Now?'


 Because I was still in the navy, I was able to refer myself to the psychiatry department at the local military hospital
and was diagnosed with PTSD. After a year and a half of treatment, I was discharged from the military with disability pay.
Doug was not so lucky: he was a National Guardsman and not entitled to care in the regular military system. He had to
turn to the Veteran's Administration, who determined he had a Personality Disorder. A malady which, by definition,
exists before a person becomes of military age, and thus, the VA will not compensate for it or treat it. The VA thus
would not acknowledge his subsequent PTSD that afflicted him in Iraq. So Doug suffered the demons of war without
adequate treatment. He struggled for two years trying to make ends meet, all the while fighting with the VA for the
disability benefits he had earned in the sands of Iraq. He drifted from job to job because of his temper or, as he put it,
because he had been trained to kill and that was what he knew. Yet, even though our paths were different, we had
yet another thing in common. After fighting so hard against the torment of life after warfare, we were both tired.
We just wanted our lives back, and Doug knew, as I do, that this can never happen.

Roughly 550,000 troops = 170,000 divorces and 170,000 PTSD time-bombs.
Bush's greed will affect millions of Americans for decades to come.


Subject: Clinton's other quotes

Do you remember some of Clinton's quotes?

I sure do.

Like how he promised to have the most ethical administration in American history (what a laugher)
right after it was discovered that Bush people had gone through his State Department file.

Turns out he was right.
Clinton had fewer indictments and convictions than any administration since Carter.

And he said if anyone from his administration ever "did anything like that" they would be fired.

Dude, "did anything like that" is not a quote - you made that up.
You made that up because the truth won't serve you well.
If you have to fabricate charges, does that mean real charges are too hard to find?

So he ends up with Republican FBI files in the White House and it is claimed to be just an accident.

If that was a crime, or if foul play was suspected, why didn't Ken Starr accuse them of it?

Don't forget how his "most ethical administration in American history" used the IRS to intimidate
women he had affairs with into keeping quite.

If that was a crime, or if foul play was suspected, why didn't Ken Starr accuse them of it?

Actually, Clinton was just as lying and corrupt as any other politician.

At least Clinton didn't kill 2,440 soldiers with his "corruption."
Only a black-hearted bastard would be that corrupt, right?

He just had the luck that all the Democrats marched in lock-step to keep him in office,
when some of the Republicans actually split with their party and voted to keep him in.

No, actually the vote was along party lines during impeachment.

And the press said how partisan the Republicans were.

They said that because Clinton's approval rating was in the seventies.
America knew there was no crime here, they saw how corrupt the Great Cock Hunt was.

Tell me, when Henry Hyde admitted impeachment was payback for Nixon, did you feel sick
about backing the never-ending Constitutional corruption that was Clinton's impeachment?

Banana Facts: The banana plant reaches its full height of 15 to 30 feet in about one year.



"I thought President Clinton was maybe the best. It was his crowd. 
  They talk about Bill Clinton being 'the first black president,' 
  well when you walk into that church with 12,000 or whatever it was, 
  I mean it was very clear who that crowd loved and respected."  
     -- George H.H. Bush, on Bill Clinton's reception at the Coretta Scott King funeral,  Link

 It was also very clear who was not loved or respected.


Random thought...

I think the BFEE dropped a dime on themselves.

When Libby was indicted, they knew he'd have to talk or do the time.
So they drop a dime on themselves, to start the "NSA spies on regular people," scandal.
Their excuse?  "We did what we had to do - we're fighting terror."

This way - when they play that card at Libby's trial, the BFEE will say, "We had to spin this war
to defeat Osama - and we'll not apologize for doing what we do - we're fighting terror."
This way, it gives talk radio the perfect springboard to claim,
"They've been consistent - they'll do what they have to do - they're fighting terror."

By narc-ing on themslves, they get their excuse out to the right-wing arm that runs the media
ahead of the revelation of the crime they've already been caught committing.

Sure, they're guilty - but they're fighting terror!


Be a part of Bartcop Radio

Bush callers welcome


"Saint King Dumbfuck could: stumble to the podium at his next PC drunk, blow a .30 on a breathalyzer, 
  take a dump on stage, perform a public abortion, behead his wife, blow cheney, sell michigan to the chinese 
  for a pound of noodles, light a few farts, boil a few bunnies - and he would not be impeached."  
      -- jtree, who knows the Democrats pretty well,   Link


Subject: CSK's funeral

Hi Bart,

Let's not forget that Bush's "election" in 2000 relied upon a strategy of disenfranchising black voters in Florida.
Workers were instructed to take any names similar to those of felons and former felons off the voter rolls with
a purposely lax standard of identification.  This resulted in a disproportionate number of blacks being removed
from the rolls, which was the plan.  This is what the GOP, and Jeb Bush, are doing TODAY - everything in their
power to disenfranchise blacks in order to win elections.

Hey, if he wants to show up at Coretta Scott King's funeral, that's his business.
But if he doesn't respect the right of African-Americans to vote in this country,
he shouldn't get any respect from them, or from anyone who believes in equal voting rights.
And I will show no respect to anyone that suggests otherwise.

Keep Hammering,
 Peter F


Subject: Gore

Bart, you're absolutely correct.
Gore is solely resonsible for the half-wits ascension to the White House.

If Gore had told us to meet him in front of the Supreme Court after their decision, how many
millions would have shown up? You can believe the votes would have been counted.

That's a great point.
Bush wanted it more than Gore did.

Don't even bring up the Black Caucus Petition that the loathsome Dems wouldn't sign at Gore's behest.
I loathe Donna Brazile, Al From, Bob Schrum, the DLC, the DNC et al.



Bush on Oprah's Couch


Oprah: If your Karl Rove is indicted (Scooter Libby is already indicted), and if the Abramoff scandal leads back to
the White House, and if the NSA tapping American citizens' phone calls and emails without authorized court warrants
is determined by the courts to be illegal -- if all this happens, would you object to the naming of a Special Prosecutor?
Don't you think the American people deserve to find out what happened, who was involved in the scandals themselves,
and who participated in the coverups that followed?

Bush: None of what you're suggesting will happen, because there's nothing there to find. No proof whatsoever.
Besides, the Justice Department is perfectly capable of doing investigations.

Oprah: But Justice is headed by Alberto Gonzales, the same person who permits you to violate the law whenever you
decide it's necessary, with no checks on that power by the legislature or the courts. There's an obvious conflict of interest
there -- Gonzales himself eventually could be a target as well -- so why not a Special Prosecutor?


Subject: nothing to hide

Hi Bart,

I'm a voting machine technician in my county's election office.
We've been wrestling with the decision to have receipts on our machines.
They sound like a great idea on the surface, but I wanted to offer a thought
about paper trails that may not have considered.

Quite simply, the problem is the buying of votes.  All someone (or an organization)
would have to do is offer to pay someone or groups for voting in a particular way.
With a receipt, this would offer the proof needed and pave the way for bought votes.

There is an option availble now with the new machines we're purchasing this spring.
It offers a paper printout of the choices voters made on the ballot, but the paper is only shown
to the voter under a protective screen and is then hidden away after the voter leaves.
It contains no personal identifying information.

There should be more consideration given to such creative solutions to the issue of a paper trail.

Awareness is the best tool we have to counter the worst administration ever.
Thanks for all you do on your site for keeping us aware.
 Earth Lover

I see your point about the printed receipt, and the idea behind the temp receipt.
Think we can interest any Democrats?


Brownie: I Warned White House


"Brownie" said Friday he told top Bush officials the day the storm howled ashore 
of massive flooding and warned ``we were realizing our worst nightmare."

"I expected them to cut every piece of red tape, do everything they could ... that I didn't 
 want to hear anybody say that we couldn't do everything they humanly could to respond to this,'' 
 Brown said about a video conference with administration officials - in which Bush briefly participated
 - the day before Katrina hit. ``Because I knew in my gut this was the bad one.''

In the end, the storm claimed more than 1,300 lives, or seven thousand, if you count the missing.

He agreed with some senators who characterized him as a scapegoat for government failures.
"I feel somewhat abandoned,'' said Brown, ''


Subject: one day in the news

These are the stories from ONE DAY:

- The White House knew about the levee breaches the day Katrina hit,

- An Ex-CIA executive has accused Bush of "cherry-picking" intelligence to justify invading Iraq

- Jack Abramoff is claiming numerous meetings with George Bush, disputing Bush's claim's
  that he didn't know Abramoff.

- The trade deficit hit an all-time high

- House Republicans are demanding hearings into Bush's illegal wiretapping orders,

- Scooter Libby was "authorized by his superiors" to (break the law)

Surely the Dems can do their job and fight back?

Craig, they are very, very scared.
They are like little bunnies, shaking with fear - for no reason.

We need somebody tough and determined.
Someone, perhaps, with a personal grudge to settle.


Random thought...

You military mothers?  You'd better watch out.

If you lose a son or daughter in Iraq and become a Gold Star Mother,
you damn sure better keep your uppitty mouth shut about Bush's war 
'cause if you don't, Bush will do to you what he did to Cindy Sheehan.

He'll make you one of the most useless, unstable, lesbo-commie-lovers in America
if you dare to speak up after you bury your son or daughter for no goddamn reason.

Is that what your kid died for?

To protect the fake image of President Cowboy at all costs?



Is Bart worthy of a tip?

Democrat Funerals
  by Al Franken


Coretta Scott King was 78 when she died. Her death followed a long illness and was not a big shock.
Her family and friends had had time to prepare for her death and had not lost five other friends and/or
family members in a tragic plane crash.

Four presidents spoke. One of them, Jimmy Carter, made a passing reference to the fact that Martin
and Coretta King had been the victims of domestic wiretapping by the government. Was it a shot at Bush,
who was sitting right behind Carter? Probably. Was that inappropriate? Maybe.

Would Coretta Scott King have enjoyed the moment? I don't know.
You know who would have a better idea than me? Jimmy Carter.
He knew Mrs. King.

Those who are currently complaining ...didn't know her at all.


Mastercard Cuts Bush Off


 Citing "grave concerns over the fiscal prudence of the cardholder," officials at MasterCard
have announced that they are revoking President Bush's credit card.

"It's not a decision we ever like to make, particularly with someone this high profile," said a
MasterCard spokesman. "But looking at the way this man has handled money over the past
few years, we owe it to our shareholders to make a pre-emptive strike.

"He only really used it to view online pornography and order cases of Jack Daniels anyways,"
added the spokesman. "He can use the RNC slush fund for that."


Marty's Entertainment Page

always has good stuff.

Subject: front-runner

So, you're still suffering with the Hillary dementia, eh, Dumbcop?

I suffer from the delusion that 43 is greater than 14.
I'll put serious money on that, too.

Does anyone else see the troubling trend here with this driveling dufus?

ha ha
So it's going to be like that?

Obsessive compulsive fixations on distant divas like Shirley and Shillary
seems to be a pathological theme with the stupid, little (unintelligible).

I hope this stalking thing doesn't extend to any more distant divas, and is confined
to this kind of harmless drooling...no skulking around houses or anything, gODD forbid.

Dude, between you and me, who brings up Hillary's name more often?
Honestly, some people just can't let go...

But just for argument's sake, stalking after "distant divas" is one thing,
but stalking elderly treehouse bartenders is entirely sick - don't you think?
You should aim higher - you can do better.



Bush bullies hiding  bartcop.com  from you?

Surf anonymously
by entering bartcop.com at

Subject: Pink Panther review

One of my favorite film reviewers, the Flick Filosopher, has a scathing review of The Pink Panther.  
She makes the last few lines into a a painful truth:

"Only in a world in which ineptitude is not held to account and no one cares could this work.

 Which is dangerously close to our world, too. Imagine a heartwarming film about a 'charmingly' 
  inept Michael Brown triumphing as the head of FEMA, and you can imagine how sickening 
  a movie The Pink Panther is, too."

One of only many reasons why she kicks ass.


"I'm trade young men for oil."

 Iraq pumps 2,000,000 barrels a day,
(and that was before the 2002 Halliburton Upgrade)
 times today's oil price which is  $61.84 a barrel
makes $123,680,000 Bush stole just yesterday

2264   2267 have died for Bush's oil greed

Bush's gusher of blood.

What date will oil hit $100 a barrel?

Two weeks?
Christmas Day?
March 4, 2008?


"They're not bluffing..."


"Every senator in this chamber is partly responsible for sending 50,000 young Americans 
  to an early grave.  This chamber reeks of blood...  It does not take any courage at all for 
  a congressman, or a senator, or a president to wrap himself in the flag and say we are 
  staying in Vietnam, because it is not our blood that is being shed. But we are responsible 
  for those young men and their lives and their hopes."  
       -- Sen. George McGovern, Sept 1, 1970,   Link


The Hammer of the Cellists?


The Zep fans who packed Peabody Auditorium Friday night can attest to a stranger sight: A dozen violinists
and a half dozen or so cellists stroked "Black Dog," "Whole Lotta Love" and other Zeppelin classics from
their normally symphonic instruments, summoning strange and beautiful sounds.

The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, that little ol' rock band from Northeast Florida, was in town to play
an evening of Zep songs, with the help of a core rock band (guitar, bass and drums), an electric violinist and
vocalist Randy Jackson of the forgotten '80s rock band Zebra.

The JSO, Jackson and company may be the best Zep "cover band" ever to take flight.


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Cold weather, Ike's Chili

Finally, some cold air made its way to the tropical forest we call Oklahoma.
First thing, Mrs. Bart says, "You're taking me to Ike's Chili Parlor."
She's big on the seasons, and when it gets cold (finally) she wants chili.

You can get Ike's four ways: Straight up, with beans, with spaghetti or with spaghetti and beans.
I like my chili like I like my tequila and my cocaine - uncut, thank you. 
(I no longer do the cocaine - too many Bush people watching my every move.)

Oklahomans repeat chili stories, some true and some almost true. 
A regular patron of Ike's in Tulsa, Will Rogers really did call chili "a bowl of blessedness" 
and once turned down a banquet meal before a speaking engagement at the Mayo Hotel,
saying "I can always eat chicken, but I can't always eat at Ike's!" 

When champion bull-rider Kid Fletcher finished in the big money at a rodeo, he is said to 
have clapped his hands and exclaimed, "I don't care if chili goes to a dollar a bowl!" 

On television's 1960s quiz show What's My Line? actor Peggy Cass asked the contestant: 
"Who makes the most famous chili in the world?" and answered her own question: 
"Ike's in Tulsa, that's who, and I've got some in my freezer right now!"    Link

Don't get me wrong, it's not Bixby corn, but then, nothing is.


 Call the all new, toll-free 
 GOP callers Welcome (snicker)

TV Stuff

On tonight's (Monday's) 24, look for John McCain. 
Don't blink - he won't say anything - he'll just deliver some papers and walk away.

Sidebar to John McCain:
Y'know what's sad, John?  (Mark this prediction)
You believed the back-stabbing BFEE when they told you, 
"Play ball and we'll back you in 2008."

Guess what, John, you're not going to be president.
You never were - you got punk'd by Karl Rove.

After they called you a "crazy traitor" in 2000,
after they told those toothless Carolinians that you had "black babies,"
after they spread the rumor that your wife was a crazed druggie,
you caved in and gave Der Monkey some Monica - wrong move, John.
What you did beats dyin' in a small plane crash, but not by much.

The only question is - how pissed will you be when they dump you for Rudy?

I am sooo not into the Olympics.
The Winter Olympics makes soccer seem like a long-pants sport.
NBC is pretty much impossible to watch - and will be until this money-loser goes away.

Why would a network spend $2B to drag half their staff to Nowhere, Italy to promote 
a bunch of boring ice sports that nobody in America watching because nobody cares?
Housewives and Idol are kicking NBC's ass in the ratings, so why spend those billions?

...and if I see one more profile of a "Canadian curler," I'm gonna spew chunks.

And the Olympics kids are the unluckiest kids in the world.
Every one of them has a sad story about a family member with cancer.
Aren't there any cancer-free Olympic families?

On Dave tonight, the new INXS with J.D. Fortune on vocals.
Attention Rude Rich: You should see it before you hate it.
I hope they do "Pretty Vegas," cause "it ain't pretty."

Also, the new season of "Pick their next singer" is coming up.
Wouldn't it be fun to see Eddie, Michael and Alex pick a singer? 


Why science is wrong and God is Right


"Boys and girls," Ham said. If a teacher so much as mentions evolution, scream at him,"

 Excuse me, were you there?' Can you remember that?"

 The children roared their assent.

"So who should you always trust, God or the scientists?"

 The children answered with a thundering: "God!"

Yes, lie to the children - teach them that science is lying to them.
Japan and India and the others will pass America in a flash while Bush-ordered religious insanity 
is force-fed to every young and confused mind trying to make sense of the world around him or her.

Abandon the centuries of enlightenment and fall back to the world of dark shadows.
Tell them Santa, Satan and the Easter Bunny are real.
Tell them water boils when it wants to, and water freezes whenever you say a prayer.
Tell them to dismiss medical science, and to pick up rattlesnakes if they want to be cured.

We're raising an entire generation of illogical, anti-science losers who can't compete on the world stage. 


Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightly not Lesbians 



Two girls in a bed = lesbos

Two girls and a gay designer in a bed = Selfless attempt to save actresses from lesbo rumors
Three girls in a bed = bedful of girls

We're going to halt the table right there, because we're unwilling to think about the night Charlie Sheen, 
clutching his Terminal Velocity paycheck, called Heidi Fleiss and whispered, "Send them all."


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