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News and comment not approved by Karl Rove
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Established Feb. 1996

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Weekend-Monday July 8-10, 2006  Vol 1796 - Caught Hiring

Quote of the Day

"He was such a contributor to Houston's 
  civil society. He was a generous person." 
     -- Dubya, who suddenly remembered who 
         Ken Lay, his biggest contributor was, 
         now that he can't talk,   Link

In Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Locals say Revenge 
Haditha Errors 
Monkey Mail 
Red State Humor
F-ing Plame 
Codpiece Fatigue
Monkey Rising 
Stanford Banned Bush? 
Brooke Burke Can Talk



Bush Blew a Guy

The net's best advertising deal

Reach over twenty people per penny.

 advertise on


"The United States does not condone torture, does not practice torture.
  We will not agree to send anybody to a nation or place that practices torture."
      --Tony Snow, failing to explain why we kidnap anybody and send them anywhere, Link


Locals: Beheadings were revenge


Residents of Mahmoudiyah say that their kidnap was carried out to avenge the attack 
on a local girl and her family. They claim that insurgents have vowed to kidnap and kill
another eight American troops to exact a 10-to-one revenge for the rape and murder of the girl.



"Because which funeral do you go to? If I go to one I should go to all.
  How do you honor one person but not another?"
     -- Dubya, explaining why he blows off funerals for soldiers he got killed,

Butt Monkey, to answer your question, how about not lying them into their graves for profit?

Also, you've never missed a fundraiser, not ever, but there's no time for dead soldiers?


US: Haditha "errors"

 Yahoo News

A top U.S. commander completed a review Friday of his Haditha investigation, and a
military official said it pointed to "errors" in the reporting of initial allegations after the killings.


They shot those 24 unarmed civilians in the head inside their homes "by accident?"
They did also "err" when they raped, murdered and burned that girl and her family?

Gee, American military - lighten up on yourself - give yourself a break!
Do these errors resemble Bush's "accidental" invasion of Iraq?

"Support the troops" has become a joke.
They've twisted that to "support our attrocities."

After WWII, we asked, "How could the Germans let that happen?"
After Vietnam, we asked, "How many tens of thousands died for no reason?

It's 2006 and we haven't learned a goddamn thing.




"Did you notice that Chuck Schumer said we found out about this Holland Tunnel plot 
  by listening to the terrorists talking to one another? Excuse me? What about their civil liberties? 
  Was there a warrant to monitor their chat-room chats?" 
    -- Rush the vulgar Pigboy, lying to himself, lying to his easily-led sheep


Subject: Bush blew a guy (or 2, or 3...)

If a member of the armed forces is discovered to be gay, he is discharged.
What happens if the so-called "Commander-in-Chief" himself turns out to be "one of them?"

And whatever happened to the Jeff Gannon story, anyway?

The job of the whore Amertican press is to protect the illegal president.
When our last elected president was rumored to have a girlfriend, the whore press
went bat-shit crazy and created entire networks to cover the story.

I still reme,ber "back door" Bettina Gregory on ABC radio giving hourly updates on
"this extremely important constitutional issue," and we know what happened after that.

But when Bush gets caught HIRING a gay prostitute under a fake name,
a prostitute who has something like 230 unexplained visits to the White House,
the press looks the other way and runs another trumped-up story about Bill Clinton.


This is the GOP.
If the Democrats would say that, they'd win.

Subject: monkey mail

Another day another brainless Bartcop issue.

Which day's issue did you find "brainless?"

Bush is evil.
Wow thanks drunk, we didn't know.

I print the facts, you read them.
Works for me, what's your problem, bitch?

And is there an option. that a question?

How will I decifer your monkey grunts without punctuation?
Do I look like f-ing Kreskin to you?

No one that reads you would know.

Nobody would know what?
That you can't make a point when standing in the spotlight with a working microphone?
You keep whining about some hidden truth that you keep refusing to reveal.
Bwoy,  (think Mudbone)  ...did your brain get robbed?

Because you run the same stupid mantra every day.

I have the most honest comedy tequila treehouse on the Internets.
If you don't like hearing the truth, there are at least 40,000 web sites that are more widely read.
But for some reason,'ve chosen this one to obsess over - interesting..

You are getting boring.
Saw RFK Jr. on Charlie Rose.
Laid out many great ideas.
And Bartcop ignores it because it doesn't play to his drunk mantra.

ha ha
Dude, we don't get Charlie Rose on Knuckledrag TV.
Okiehoma is Bush country - we get the goddamn fishing report, instead.

How rookie of you to challenge me on something I can't get.
You're the kind of monkey most gamblers only dream about.

Hey, do you make GOP money? doing anything on September 16th?

Keep boring America,

Dude, anytime you want to engage "my drunken mantra,"
do us both a favor and gather a dozen co-monkeys and bring it on.
My size 11 boots are hungry for some monkey ass.



Humor in Red States


'"I really have the best time in red states. It's more rare for them to see someone come to their state
 and hear what I have to say," said Bill Maher  "There's a lot of blue people in red states," he said.
"I'm not saying Democrats, just free-thinking and not Jesus freaks. This ain't a lecture, it ain't
 Lenny Bruce. It's comedy. But it's got nutritional value."

Note: Bill's back on HBO next month.


Subject: Unimportant

I see nothing important in your BS and would not want to
upset your readers by furnishing them something important.

Sir, we speak English on this page.
Did you have something to say?

I never claimed to have "an important" site.
Our goal is to have fun, but sometimes we have to save America
because the pink-tutu gelding we call "Democrats" don't have the sac..

It's obvious that anyone looking for something important
and think they have found it in your BS doesn't know what is important.

Of whom are you speaking?
Did you conjure up some bartcop readers and speak for them?
Truth is, you don't make a very good first impression.
I'm guessing alcohol is a factor because you speak with bloated tongue.

Please keep up the good work - we need you to expose your kind.

Dude, if you're looking for a throwdown, you came to the right f-ing place.
If you're expecting me to grovel an apology, you got the wrong guy.
If you've got something on me that you'd like to "expose," take your best shot.

When you're done, I'll cut you up and tear your little soul apart.



"In 1998 Clinton gave the same speech on WMDs in Iraq that Bush gave four years later, 
  but nobody seems to remember that. And nobody seems to remember all of the Democratic 
  senators who agreed with Clinton. No; the Iraq problem only began in 2002 to them." 
     -- Rush the heroin junkie

Hey Pigbopy, I have an answer for that.
Under Clinton, how many soldiers died in Iraq to save us from the imaginary WMDs?


Plame F-ing was Bush's Idea?
 Bush ordered Plame discredited


Bush directed Cheney to take personal charge of a campaign to discredit Valerie Plame.

The revelation by the National Journal, that Mr Bush took a personal interest in countering damaging
allegations by Joe Wilson, reveals a White House that was extraordinarily sensitive to any criticism of
its prewar planning. It also returns the focus of the criminal investigation into the outing Plame to the
White House only weeks after the senior aide Karl Rove was told he would not face prosecution.


Subject: Cheney whacked Kennyboy?

How convenient is it that Ken Lay had a heart attack?

Plus, Bush doesn't have to worry about payback with a pardon.
This is just too too perfect to be a heart attack caused by stress.

T from Lubbock

In normal times, that would seem to be absurd.
But in real life, the BFEE has seized power like no group ever has before.

FDR never had it, Hitler never did, Russia never did...
Napoleon and Genghis Khan and Alexander were pikers by BFEE standards.

The real truth is, sometime during the Monica "Constitutional crisis," some Neocon 
realized that, with the Russian bear tired and sleepy, the world was theirs for the taking.

A Democrat would say, "Sure, but we'd have to kill 100,000 people,"
and dismiss the conversation as drunken party talk.

But the Neoncons said, "Fuck 100,000 darkies. We'll rule Earth and its riches!"
And that's what they've done.

Remember, the bottom line HAS to be,
"Would evil men kill innocent people to steal a billion dollars a week?"
"Would evil men kill innocent people to control the world's only military superpower?"

One of my favorite movie moments of all time:

MICHAEL: My father's no different than any other powerful man -- (then, after Kay laughs)
Any man who's responsible for other people. Like a senator ...or a president...

KAY: You know how naive you sound?


KAY: Senators and presidents don't have men killed...

MICHAEL: Oh -- who's being naïve, Kay?

And that was decades before the Neocons murdered democracy.


Keith in red state Iowa
Dude, I know the feeling...

Codpiece Fatigue


Do you remember the term "Clinton fatigue?" 
You know, back when everybody was really, really tired of peace and prosperity and talking about oral sex? 
(You can understand why everyone wanted our long national nightmare to be over...) 
Some conservatives, at least the educated ones, must be feeling some serious "Bush fatigue" about now."

I remember those days, do you?
Remember when Monica was the only thing we had to worry about?
Remember the fights about how to use the surplus?


Marty's Entertainment Page

always has good stuff.

Click  The  E!

Subject: NY terror plot


I wonder if the title of this email will justify the government to read it and maybe the rest of my inbox.
I was just considering the fact that maybe all of these recently uncovered plans are just mind control
and/or justification for the recent slashing of New York's anti-Terror budget.

Something to consider, since we know it's all garbage anyway.
Seriously: are terrorists dumb enough to make or discuss plans in
a chatroom knowing full well that they could be monitored?

Dim My Eyes


Bush not allowed at Stanford?

Did you know that in April President Bush went to Stanford to speak to the Hoover Institution fellows 
at the invitation of  George Shultz but was not allowed on campus? The Stanford students got wind of it 
and blocked Bush's access to the campus. The Hoover fellows had to go to Shultz's home to hear Bush's 
pitch for war and more war.

A person might think that it would be national news that Stanford University students would not allow the 
President on campus. It happened to be a day that hundreds of prospective freshmen were on campus with 
their parents, many of whom joined the demonstration against Bush. I did not hear or read a word about it.

Did you?


Subject: my WPE t-shirt

Hey Bart,

Here we are at the Ashland, Oregon 4th of July Parade and fair.
People took our pictures and asked us about shirts (including Republicans).

We even got a thumbs up from the Veteran's float.
Usually the local Republicans have a entry in the Parade
but this year they chickened out and didn't show.

They're goin' down.
 Leslie the Pillar

Leslie, thanks for that.

Send in a picture of you in your WPE t-shirt!

 Here's my picture, Bart!

 Get WPE t-shirts Here

Subject: voting for Bush

I too will be voting for someone 'with no chance to win' and I counter your claim with
"Voting for someone who (backs Bush's lying cheating and stealing) is a vote for Bush."


Matt, I'm certainly powerless to stop you from voting for Bush, but riddle me this:
Why will the GOP spend over 300 million dollars to attack someone who backs Bush?

Expect a thank you from Karl.


 Iraq pumps 2,000,000 barrels a day,
(and that was before the 2003 Halliburton Upgrade)
 times today's oil price which is OVER $74 a barrel
makes $148,000,000 Bush stole just yesterday

No wonder they were so eager to start a war

Bush's "Bring 'em on" death taunt is up to...

2540....2544 American victims


By Christmas, Bush will have killed
more Americans than Osama

Subject: answer to Iraq question

Partition the country, create new independent Suni, Shia, and Kurd regions.
Who decided Iraq must exist anyway?

Carve the nation up and let them have control for themselves.
Give them space that is there own, but boundaries they have to respect.

It might be tenuous at first, but over time it might work.
Reno B.

Dude, there's an old Steve Martin joke:

How to make a million dollars and never pay taxes.
First, you get a million dollars... then...

Here's the problem:

Divided it up "naturally," the Kurds (north) and Shiites (southwest) get the oil,
while the Sunnis in the center get a million square miles of sand fleas.

Paying taxes isn't the problem.
Getting the million dollars is.


The Resistible Rise of George W. Bush

By the time a prosperous, well-fed, comfortable, self-indulgent nation notices even a ridiculously 
resistible rise to power like like George W. Bush's ("Flip-flop!" "Cut and run!" "Saddam Hussein! 9/11!" 
"Flip-flop!" "Cut and run!" "Saddam Hussein, 9/11!"), it is sometimes too late to stop it. How did this happen? 
What can we do? Oh, for one real hero, circa 1776 (revolution?), or, better, 1787 (nation of laws?). John Adams. 
Benjamin Franklin. Alexander Hamilton. John Marshall... Maybe if Patrick Fitzgerald just...? Or Barack. Or Russ. 
Or Al. Al. Or somebody else. Some 21st-Century Lincoln, Churchill, Truman. Just one, one authentic American hero. 
(Did somebody just rev up the good old Swift Boat machine?)"


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The Garbage question

I loved the Garbage mini-concert July 7 on PBS.
We'll get into that soon, but who was on drums?
At the PBS show, the band had a new drummer.

This is what Butch looks like.

Well, actually he looks much more normal/less-serial killer than that.
I'll bet Butch has three mug shots that are more flattering.
I've seen his picture a few dozen times, I've seen Garbage up-close 5-6 times
and I spoke with Butch in Vegas last September and I know what he looks like.
He looks just like that picture, but without the BTK stare.

The guy playing drums for Butch's band Thursday on PBS wasn't Butch. 
At one point, Shirley turned around and said, "How are you doing, Matt Walker?"
Did Bootch get fired from his own band?
The Garbage website mentioned the Soungstage gig, but not the new drummer.


Subject: killing worse than torture

Hey Bart,
I figured your question was prompted by the ongoing torture debate on your page.

Actually, we never had that debate because some people were setting themselves aflame 
and screaming "Never, never, never, never" too loudly to have a conversation.

I"m on your side on this one. I'd definately torture one to save many. 
I think the trouble always comes in with the question about whether or not you can 
ever know for certain the one you are about to torture has the knowledge to save the many.

I wouldn't torture somebody because I "think" he "might" know the info.....and I know thats not what your saying !
 Mike in Palm Beach

Those who replied to, "Is killing worse than torture" were all "Get real, Bozo," about it.
I thought it was odd that there is such a thing as killing a man in self defense, to save a life or lives,
but torture is a "Never, never, never, never," when it comes to saving 8 million New Yorkers.

Yet - killing is worse than torture, all seem to agree.

Funny how, to the illogical screamers, sometimes 6 is smaller than 4.


"Doctors Hastert and Bush 
    are here for your surgery..."

 Call the all new, toll-free


Get your opinion on BartCop Radio

 GOP callers Welcome (snicker)

Party at the Palms, Sept 16

 Updates - Info

We might have a small problem - read the update if you plan to go.


She's back on CBS's Rockstar
 Brooke Burke, smoothest talker ever

Rockstar is twice the show American Idol is, but they don't feature total morons
that the panel gets to verbally slap and humiliate in front of millions, so fewer people watch.

Like Idol, this year all the power is with the women.
The men all showed up like they were trying out for "Coldplay," which makes me gag.
The band they're trying to get in is part Motley Crue, part Metallica and part Guns N Roses.
(At least Dave Matthews didn't apply. I like dave OK, but he doesn't belong in a hard rock
group any more than these wimpy, bean-eating nancyboys we've seen so far.)

Plus, they do real songs on this show.
No "Fifties Night," no Barry Manilow, no Clay Aiken songs.


Thanks to  subscribers.
We know you work hard for your money, so we take it as
a compliment when you throw some our way each month.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

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