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 Friday   Aug 25, 2006  Vol 1826 - Fart Joke President

thanks to Bruce Yurgil

Quote of the Day

"Iraqis are excited and enjoying their freedom" 
     -- Sen. James Inhofe (R-Insane),  Link

"We sure are!
 Thanks Meester Booosh."

In Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Cult of the Offensive 
Election-theft repeat 
George's Pet Goat 
W on Another Planet 
Dangerous Days 
Support the Troops?
'Survivor' & race 
Don't trust McCain 
Paris Hilton's address


Bush Blew a Guy

The net's best advertising deal

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"Word is, he likes to gas a couple, and then bring the 
  aide in and see what the kid's face looks like." 
     --U.S. News & Whore Report's Paul Bedard saying when Dubya meets a new aide
        he raises one leg and farts to watch for the kid's reaction,  Link

We have 2600 dead soldiers in his World war, a ruined economy and trillions in debt 
because this ignorant nine seven year old is running the world?

Remember the promise of "dignity" he was going to bring to the Oval Office?

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The Cult of the Offensive
 by Ivan Eland

Although last weekend's Israeli commando raid into Lebanon was billed by the Israeli government 
as an effort to prevent the rearming of Hezbollah, many suspect it was designed to grab a high-level 
Hezbollah leader to exchange for the Israeli soldiers captured by Hezbollah.

Why then, wasn't this type of raid Israel's initial response to the soldiers' capture, rather than the
leveling of southern Lebanon and the killing of hundreds of innocent civilians?

Clearly, Israeli Prime Minister Olmert is using the recent commando raid as a desperate attempt to
salvage something from his disastrous offensive into Lebanon. Unfortunately, the unsuccessful raid, 
coupled with the reluctance of European nations to send their forces into southern Lebanon as 
peacekeepers, threatens to collapse the fragile ceasefire there.

Note:  is the most important site on the internet

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Election-theft testimony

Are there computer programs that can be used to secretly fix elections?


How do you know that to be the case?

In 2000, I wrote a prototype for Congressman Tom Feeney [R-FL]...

It would rig an election?

It would flip the vote, 51-49. Whoever you wanted it to go to..

And would that be something that elections officials... could detect?

They'd never see it. 

So, why aren't the Democrats doing anything about this?

        "Republicans are honest people - why investigate?"

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Subject: principles

One Imperialist is as bad as another. 

That's crazy talk.

Clinton sent six cruise missiles into Baghdad and allowed those disgusting sanctions to continue. 
He may smile real purty, but he's a big a piece of scum as any of the other good ol' boys. 

1. What's the alternative to the sanctions? 
    Allow Saddam to invade anyone he wants with no penalty?
2. Clinton didn't kill 2600 soldiers and 100,000 civilians fior greed,
    Clinton didn't make a deal with Hezbollah to get into the White House, 
    so your nutty-ass assertion that "they're all the same" proves you're nuts.

I will NEVER vote for another Democrat OR Republican for president 
as long as our current foreign policy of total domination is pursued
 C Fee

You're helping Bush kill, murder rape and steal.
You clearly enjoy helping Bush - why not openly support him?

Expect a thank you card from Karl Rove.

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"Tom Cruise was so upset about getting fired he called Brook Shields
  and asked her if he could borrow some anti-depressants. Then he called
  Matt Lauer and asked if he could recommend a good psychiatrist."
     -- Dave

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Subject: Cut and run

Dear Mr. Vice President,

I applaud your efforts to bring the cowardly Democrats to account. 
I was really outraged to see this cartoon about you, Sir. 

I mean, they could have leveled this charge at Rove, Frist, Hastert, Delay
or many other Republican leaders.  Those Democrats are so mean. 

I know you and President Bush need our loyalty, not matter what. 
Especially now that everything has gone wrong in Iraq, Lebanon, and Palestine. 
It really bothers me when the Democrats insult you like this.  I know you have 
shot men before and could have gotten shot by that quail hunter down there in 
Texas or wherever, if he'd been quicker on the trigger than you.

Mr. Vice President, that's exactly how I feel!
Don the Day Trader

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George's Pet Goat


In the words of the schoolchildren who watched that day, it is a simple thing to describe memories
of watching President Bush learn about the 9-11 terror attacks: happy and sad. It was supposed to 
be a day of celebration -- with Bush there to congratulate the classroom of second-graders for 
improving their reading scores -- and it was, until a man stepped forward and whispered something 
into the president's ear. "His face just sort of turned red,'' said Tyler Radkey, who had a front-row 
seat that morning. 'I thought, personally, he had to go to the bathroom.''

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Subject: McCain beatdown from BCR 96

Excellent slice 'n' dice of the McCain/Leno powderpuff show. 
Glad to see you haven't lost anything since my Eddie B.-paid subscription expired; 
I've missed hearing you.


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President on Another Planet


For a moment there, I was almost encouraged. George W. Bush, the most resolutely incurious and 
inflexible of presidents, was reported last week to have been surprised at seeing Iraqi citizens -- who 
ought to be grateful beneficiaries of the American occupation, I mean "liberation" -- demonstrating in 
support of Hezbollah and against Israel. Surprise would be a start, since it would mean the Decider 
was admitting novel facts to his settled base of knowledge and reacting to them. Alas, it seems the 
door to the presidential mind is still locked tight. "I don't remember being surprised," he said at his 
news conference yesterday. "I'm not sure what they mean by that." I'm guessing "they" might mean 
that when you try to impose your simplistic, black-and-white template on a kaleidoscopic world, 
and you end up setting the Middle East on fire, either you're surprised or you're not paying attention. 
But that's just me.

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Subject: Secret GOP plan to impeach Bush

Have you heard that there is a secret Republican plan to impeach Bush? 
If the Democrats win both houses it just might happen. Here's the reason:

If the Dems win then they might impeach Bush and Cheney making Nancy Pelosi 
president as she would be Speaking of the House and next in line. However, if the 
Republicans impeach Bush before the Dems take power in January then Dennis Hassert
becomes president instead of  Pelosi. But they would have just over 60 days to do it 
so they have to have it all planned out in advance.

It does seem extreme for Republicans to impeach Bush, but as we know if Nancy Pelosi 
is president she will probably pick Hillary Clinton as VP and the GOP can't let that happen.
So the rumor might just be true. When you think about it it all starts to make sense.

Marc Perkel
San Francisco, CA.

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Dangerous Days


This is as dangerous an August as I can recall, at least since Saddam invaded Kuwait 16 years ago.
The Europeans are dithering over contributions to a peacekeeping force while a dangerously unstable
Lebanon slips into a "security vacuum," in the words of United Nations envoy Terje Roed-Larsen.
Iran is stringing along the West in negotiations as it rushes to perfect the nuclear fuel cycle - which
could occur as soon as the next several months - while bidding skillfully for regional hegemony.
North Korea is hinting darkly at a nuclear test after firing off missiles. And Iraq is, well, say no more.

    It is the sort of moment when peace and history could be hanging in the balance for a generation to
come - the kind of tipping point when American presidents can no longer leave the negotiating to underlings.
They must take the world stage themselves to find a new way out, simply because no one else has the
globo-oomph to do so. There is a grand American tradition behind this sort of personal involvement of
America's chief executive, one that goes back almost precisely a century. Teddy Roosevelt spent much
of August 1905 prodding an end ro the Russo-Japanese war. Woodrow Wilson went to Paris for nearly
six months in 1919 to negotiate the end of World War I.  FDR, though he was dying, flew halfway around
the world to hash out the postwar peace at Yalta.  Nixon went to China, Reagan went Iveland and Carter
holed up at Camp David with Begin and Sadat.

Meanwhile, Der Monkey is going to Kennebunkport to play golf with Poppy.


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"When you have the likes of Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska, a conservative
  Republican, and he says he has seen the changes in his lifetime in the Arctic,
  there is just no doubt that something has to happen."
     -- Betsy Moler, a VP at Exelon Corp. of Chicago, an energy firm   Link

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Subject: terrorist?

Recently my brother was standing at the bar talking to a friend.
They were discussing the ineptness and stupidity of Bush.

Before he knew it, a fellow patron approached, said he'd overheard their
conversation and asked if my brother was a terrorist!!
At that point it was pointed out to him that maybe he should mind his own business.
Almost let to a fist fight.

Just goes to show the mind set of the hardcore Bush backers.
Either your for Bush or your a terrorist!!

Even had my ditto head (Limbaugh listener) nephew ask his grandmother
(my 82 year old mother) if she was a terrorist because of her hatred of Bush and his policies.
This must be the latest propaganda put out by the Right Wing Neo-Con Nazis.

 Mr. McB

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'Survivor' & race
 People are going crazy over this


Segregated "Survivor."
Race will matter on the upcoming season of the CBS show as contestants will be divided
into four tribes by ethnicity. That means blacks, whites, Latinos and Asians in separate groups.

Host Jeff Probst says the idea "actually came from the criticism that 'Survivor' was not ethnically
diverse enough." He says the twist fits in perfectly with what "Survivor" does, saying the show is
"a social experiment. And this is adding another layer to that experiment." Probst says contestants
had mixed reactions to the racial divisions.

Randi Rhodes went nuts over this Thursday.
She attacked the show and CBS, but a lot of rage was pointed at the vulgar Pigboy
and the Fascists who are giggling with glee at the prospect of a "race dividing" season.

Yahoo's actual headline was:
New 'Survivor' Divides Groups by Race

Why couldn't that headline have read:
New 'Survivor' brings races together

If this is a bad idea, why can't it just be a bad idea?
They've always called the show, "a social experiment," because there are only two rules.
- You can't physically strike or harm another person and
- No splitting the jackpot.

Everything else is up to the players.
Who's the boss, who's the leader?
What behavior is acceptable?
What's going too far?
It's how a society makes rules.

Until someone explains to me exactly what the problem is,
I'm going to hold my condemnation until I see something objectionable.
Maybe America's about to learn where we are on the racism evolutionary line.

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Subject: yesterday's Monkey mail

jallison in Carolina said:  "If not, go back to where you come from,
either a foreign country, or get a sex change to a pussy.
The rest of the world will kill you like a magot, given the chance."

That says it all for jallison -- if you're not a war-mongering hate-filled
giggling sociopathic murderer, you're no better than a WOMAN?

He is the worst kind of redneck head-up-his-ass bush-loving garbage.
Rock on!


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Gary and the gang in Gary, IN

Lesbian victory overturned


The Democratic primary victory of Alabama lesbian Patricia Todd for a seat in the statehouse was
overturned by a party committee tonight. The committee vote was 5-0. Had the committee not reversed
the election, which Todd won by 59 votes, she would have become the first openly gay elected official
in the state's history. No Republican has entered the race in the overwhelmingly Democratic district.

How is this legal?
Or is it just legal in a backwards hellhole like Alabama?
Isn't there some "Exclusionary rule" that prevents laws being applied to some individuals?

It figures - the first time in memory where the Democrats take a stand
and they're uniting to prevent an election winnder from taking office.

How did I get in this party?

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Supporting the Troops
 by William Rivers Pitt

The Bush administration's most recent budget framework includes $910 million in cuts to the VA.
2,615 American soldiers have been killed in Iraq, and yet efforts to double the death benefit for soldiers
killed in active duty have been forcefully resisted by the White House. Pay raises for soldiers have been
capped. The tax-cut mantra of the White House has not trickled down far enough to assist the troops on
the line; soldiers fighting overseas and soldiers deployed for extended periods have not been deemed
worthy of even minimal tax relief, while billions of dollars in tax cuts are gifted to the wealthiest among us.

Nearly 20,000 soldiers have been wounded in Iraq, but must wait nearly six months before being seen by
a VA hospital. Perhaps worst of all, the White House quietly attempted to cut combat pay for all soldiers
serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, but this measure was quickly scrapped after it became public.

This from the man whose staged photo-ops with serving soldiers have become the stuff of lore.
This from the man whose defenders denounce critics with the line, "Why don't you support the troops?"
This from an administration filled with officials who had other priorities when they were called to serve.

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Marty's Entertainment Page

always has good stuff.

Click on the E!

New Shirts 
Available in black and royal blue

     MaK shirts just $23 Order yours today!
 Up close you can see $$$$ in Der Monkey's eyes.

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Snippy e-mail contest 

A reader suggested a contest - he paid for ten WPE or MaK shirts to use for prizes.

Here's how you win:
Write a hot or snippy e-mail to at least three media outlets and send us a copy.
Be sure the reader knows you're not happy with Der Monkey and his murders,
rapes, torture, invasions, thefts, gas-gouging, military draft, Katrina or whatever.

Include the line "worst president ever" in it, somewhere.

Be firm, be angry but don't be crude or vulgar.
I know you can write an angry letter and still make it G-rated or PG.

We'll have ten winners - IF ten people send in their e-mails.

 Send your copies here

Subject: "Nader voters"

I was in South Carolina in 2000, there was NO DOUBT Bush would win.
I voted for John McCain in the primary, in hopes of shoving Bush off the ballot.

Since Gore had no chance to take the state, I decided to cast my vote for Nader.
It was as much a protest against the way campaigns are run in this country as it was
a way of stating my disgust with the entanglements of both major parties with big
business and the influence of big money in our electoral process.

Frankly, I don't give a flying *fuck* what you and your like-minded followers think
about my vote for Nader in that election, UNLESS you lump me in with people who
were in states like Florida and who should have known the danger of casting a vote in
a potentially-close race. That you and those with similar mind-sets have, for all these years,
pissed and moaned about "Nader voters" as a monolithic group is much too simplistic,
and smacks of a certain backwardness.


Not EVERY PERSON who cast a vote for Ralph Nader is a drooling, idiotic,
shadow Bush supporter hoping for the death of our Nation.

Dude, if your vote helps Bush - ...the difference is unprofound.

Even if the system's broke,
even if you're tired of Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton,
you can't change anything until you have power.

Nader should make a deal with the Democrats.
He'll throw his two percent to them if they agree to open up the system
after they've taken power and put Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld et al. in jail.
And Ralph can run the Dept of Consumer Affairs or whatever - everybody wins.

Bartcop - Uniter, Builder of Coalitions.

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Activist Judges
  by Molly Ivins

Another bee-you-ti-ful example of the right-wing media getting it all wrong. They mutter in public about 
"activist judges" because Judge Anna Diggs Taylor has pointed out that spying without a warrant is illegal
- so warrantless telephone tapping is illegal in this country. Improbably enough, the first complaint of many 
of these soi-disant legal scholars is that Taylor's decision is not well written. No judicial masterpiece, 
they sneer. Nevertheless, warrantless spying is illegal. Did it ever occur to these literary critics that Taylor 
has a lay-down hand? The spying program is flat unconstitutional, and for those who insist this means 
Osama bin Laden wins, it's also ridiculously easy to fix so that it is constitutional. Conservatives in this 
country have been yipping in chorus for years about "activist judges," and frankly, like fools, many of you 
bought into the phony political rhetoric about those terrible jurists.

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Random Thought...

As the anniversary of Bush's Katrina mega-disaster, he's bragging how he spent
$100 million on rebuilding - but that's not really what happened.

The truth is, he gave cronies like Halliburton that $100M, and they hired 
other companies to do the work for, say, $75M and kept the $25M as a "finders fee."

Bush cronies make $25M for making a few phone calls and the Democrats remain silent
as the poor blacks in New Orleans get raped by Bush all over again.

     "We love this president and that's not going to change!"

Every disaster is another chance to steal millions.
...and nobody gets hurt but the "darkies" so it's OK.

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 Iraq oil output up to 2.5M barrels per day
 times Bush's oil gouge which is going to $100a barrel
makes $250,000,000 Bush will steal every day.

Oil is going to $100 a barrel, then to $200

No wonder they were so eager to start a war

Bush's "Bring 'em on" death taunt is up to...

2615....2619 American victims

Four more dead since yesterday.
If we "stay the course," 
that's another 1500 dead each year.


By Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Bush will have killed
more Americans than his old partner Osama.

           Official Bartcop Chinaco Anejo shotglasses
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Kissyface Putz
 He's joined the Mob

           "Don't tell me what the latest polls say!"


Kissyface said: "I came out of the middle class and, being a senator,
I haven't gone much beyond the middle class."

I haven't gone much beyond the middle class? Could anything better sum up
the way American politicians have forgotten how things are back on Earth?
The Liebermans made $366K last year.  This places them in the top 1 percent. 

Moreover, their homes are worth maybe a million dollars.
The comparable amount for the average U.S. family is about $30,000.

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Subject: Rockey's trailer

Hey Bart -refugee from New Orleans here.

About this Rockey, the Louisiana State Embarassment, aside from whatever absurd amount of gas 
it must have cost to drive that monstrosity over a thousand miles to D.C., it's completely illegal to 
leave the affected area with a FEMA trailer.  You can't leave, in this case, Texas, Louisiana or 
Mississippi with a FEMA trailer.  I want to know if Rockey the Bush-loving Republican) got 
arrested, fined, whatever?  Or can the rest of us can take our trailers to someplace safe??

The NO Times-Picayune has been running a weblog of this caravan, noting the regulation against 
towing the FEMA trailer he lives in and describing the one that made the trip as an "honorary FEMA trailer".

So apparently Rocky (who apparently was a Republican local candidate for parish commissioner in 1999) 
was given a FEMA trailer the rest of us didn't get for the purpose of this political ploy.

Meanwhile, a FEMA trailer park in Louisiana has 198 trailers mostly empty and the few residents 
that are there are censored by security goons from talking to the media:  Link

(now in NC)

Rodger, friends of Bush don't have to obey the law.

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National Review: Don't trust McCain
 John, I tried to tell you in BCR 96, ...but you don't subscribe


Burned by McCain's PAC, National Review's Jim Geraghty today urges other reporters to use extreme
caution in dealing with John McCain's Straight Talk America PAC, encouraging them to "double check
and verify everything that they are told; it is entirely possible that what you are told by the organization,
on basic matters such as who is working for them, is completely false."

In a column entitled, "Attention reporters: Do Not Trust McCain's PAC," Geraghty details his latest
run-in with STA Executive Director Craig Goldman and his loose affiliation with the truth.

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The Comedy of Errors
 w/ BCR's Tally Briggs as "Juliet"


Buena Vista Branch Library
300 N. Buena Vista, Burbank, CA

Presented by Shakespeare at Play.
Pre-show featuring Elizabethan reenactment troupe
the Guild of St. George, plus juggling and swordfighting
workshops, starts at 4 p.m. Picnicking encouraged.

Sunday, August 27: 5:30 p.m.
Price: Free
Information: 818-566-1925

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Subject: Bush is the worst president ever

George W. Bush is the worst President ever! 
He started an illegal war in Iraq, he is a Terrorist.

(terrorism /n /: the systematic use of violence as a means to intimidate or coerce societies or governments.
terrorist /n/. one that engages in acts or an act of terrorism.)

Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, they had no WMD's, I repeat IRAQ HAD _NO_ WMD's.
All they had was OIL (Operation Iraqi Lberation) that the Neo-Cons thought they could steal and control.

*Money or power* are the two main motivations in the life of a wolf.
The smirking monkey is actually a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Andrew Vart,

Andrew, you have won a WPE or MaK shirt.
Please send size, color.

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Party at the Palms, Sept 16
 A few tickets are still available!

 Tequila update - Info

Remember - you need a number to get in.
When we run out of numbers, we're full.

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Paris Hilton's new address
 Shacking up with "fire crotch" heir


That year without sex lasted what, a week?

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