Radio Show Summaries Newest summaries
are in Black
BCR Show 40 Summary by Charlie
Bartster pleased with Tommy Mac’s intro for
BCR; bangs on Don Imus intro/Imus in general. Conclusion: Bart doesn’t
Shot of Chinaco from new bottle, with Chinaco
Dennis Kucinich discussion. Agreed (this time)
with Dennis’ recent letter in USA Today.
Also reads the counter-letter from the same
edition representing the rethug POV, with the usual insightful disparaging
Bart acknowledges SNL steals his material.
West Wing episode comments.
News bits, including: Iraq wedding gets shot
up by C-130 gunship;
Bart asks Iraqi’s to stop shooting guns at
conclusion of weddings until troops leave.
Mini-rant about spineless Dems.
Letter Reading Time. Includes discussion of
trying to get funds to get Air America to air BCR commercials.
Phone Calls Time. First caller is Tony Soprano
(a few (dozen) bleeps).
Some advice to John Kerry.
Some admiring Randi Rhodes discussion.
TV Clips Time. Joan of Arcadia (Sopranos clip
Some Letterman political jokes, Howard Stern
featuring insane racist, God hates fags people
(with their own theme song) (no doubt, future
teabaggers all). Bart adds commentary after each clip.
Funny Letterman Top Ten featuring Sopranos
BCR 41 Summary Summary by Charlie
Chinaco shot show-starter.
Comments in admiration on fiery Al Gore speech.
Complains that network didn’t give him time to set up his recorder.
Fusses that Gore didn’t rant nearly as well
during his campaign (he’s right, it’s a great speech). Plays the sound
of the speech that a wonderful BCF (BartCop
Fan) sent him, with commentary.
News Of The World Time.
Singapore legalizes chewing gum.
Iraq still looking for interim leader.
Kobe Bryant rape case.
Comments about Dem convention being held in
Boston. Thinks convention should be held in swing state.
Comments about Rethug convention being held
in NYC, on the bones of the WTC victims.
Spineless Dems still doing nothing about ongoing
illegal voting practices and/or crappy electronic voting machines.
So discouraged, he ponders (not for the first/last
time) joining the Rethug party just so he can be on a winning team.
Rants about Tim Johnson (D-Spineless) apologizing
for “mis-speaking,” even though his comments were essentially
accurate (Rethugs = Taliban).
Plays clip of Enron woes, particularly actual
comments from Enron pricks laughing about forcing California blackouts.
Bart fusses that Dems aren’t screeching loud
enough about it, and caving in to allowing Gray Davis to be hung out to
Bart makes prescient prediction that Hillary
will run in ’08.
News: Intel votes to treat stock options as
“expenses.” Bart shows off his college ejukashun to (accurately)
analyze the article. Stock market “rebounds.”
Comments about Michael Jackson’s huge bail amount.
News: Bart does a good bit regarding article
about “Courts asked to take culture into account when enforcing laws.”
Bart provides Bart-insight commentary on each
example listed in article.
Bart opines on (bad) review (source not mentioned),
titled “Gore’s Green Earth” of Gore’s (supposed) comments
regarding the film “The Day After Tomorrow.”
Bart adds his own commentary about the movie. Reads piece with
headline of “Bush fails to act.” Shockingly,
Bart agrees with article.
BCR Show 50 Summary by Matt
Bart smacks down mainstream media giants like
Peter Jennings and Dan Rather for claiming that they suffered equal pressure
from the right and left.
Why do people believe that Ridge?s terror
alert levels are politically motivated? Because they are.
Al Sharpton?s fiery speech at Kerry?s convention.
Media whores, especially Dallas Morning News.
Why are they whores? Money, and that?s why they go into Clinton?s
BJ and Rush mocking Chelsea.
Operation rescue hand jobs persecuting some
poor clerical worker at a abortion clinic.
Bart smacks down John Kerry for not mocking
Bush during the ?pet goat? pussy paralysis.
Why is Tom Ridge running color coded commercials
for the Republican Party?
(RANT) Why are terrorists staying away?
What happens if Bush wins? Get a glock.
If Bush just decides to get rid of the constitution,
do we fight?
Tally rants about her new fridge, toure de
france, and Theresa Kerry
La Cucharacha calls in
Multiple phone calls
( HOT) Oprah beats up Dr. Laura for spreading
her legs. (Her beaver is NOT hot).
John Stewart/Colbain doing turd miner
Bartcop Radio 51
Bobby Fisher is in the news - he’s had his
passport revoked because the BFEE is upset for some reason
about some illicit chess he had back in the
90s in Yugoslavia or somewhere. Meanwhile, the BFEE has been
alternating between selling oil equipment
to Iraq and blowing it up since the 90s. Why is John Kerry too stupid
to bring this up?
Bart then segues into a Larry King asking how
nasty the campaign gonna be? Real nasty, because the republicans
are good at changing the subject. Bart has
been reading Time magazine in the doctors office. Some hand job wrote
about how Las Vegas is full of lonely alienated
people. Bart differs. It turns into a rant against the invisible
Time magazine then mangles statistics about
income distribution. Finally Time magazine rails about the danger
of pot smoking.
Have you ever seen anyone in the ER because
they smoked too much pot?
Bart does a book report about a book review.
The book is called Checkpoint by Nicolas Baker. The book is about
assassination attempt against the monkey in
chief. Jennifer Reese wrote a review, and she doesn’t like the book
Funny, cause she seems to like all of Baker’s
Bart then reads from an interview with the
Big Dog from Rolling Stone. Clinton thinks the Dems got rolled over
Homeland Security bill. It was their
bill and Bush opposed it until he needed it to paint the Dems as terrorists.
This leads to
a discussion of how John Kerry, unlike Clinton,
can’t speak plain English. Odds and Ends. The Dallas Morning
busted inflating their readership numbers
to rip off their advertisers. Bart is astonished at Nancy
Grace all over the airwaves
railing to execute Scott Peterson. This
may be due to the fact that Laci Peterson was pregnant - after all, the
replaceable, but not the fetuses.
Bart reviews a Bill Maher broadcast with Nazi
David Dryer and Michael Moore. Dryer argues that Kerry voted for
war funds before he voted against them.
Maher and Randi Rhodes had an obvious answer - but the Democrats never
learn just to tell the truth.
Maher is then on with Larry King, who apparently
believes the Clintons, Pelosi and Kerry are Republicans. Maher points
that Republicans only show their moderate
side during campaigns. Some GOP hack claims that the audience walked
Linda Rondstandt’s concert because she mentioned
Farenhiet 9-11. He suggests that musicians just shut up. Bart
destroys this argument.
Maher again: God has created a gay minority.
Bart then rails against the religiously insane
wanting to prohibit assisted suicide. The democrats want to use a
to steer the ship but the religiously insane
want to use chicken entrails to steer.
Tiger Woods sucks, but he’s good for his sponsors,
so the whore media pretends he’s the greatest.
Mike Malloy discusses whore Candy Crowley’s
obsession with Kerry’s taste in cheesesteaks.
Tally talks about her WWII veteran parents,
who are now deceased. Tally is just glad they are not around to see
the Swiftboaters are smearing every American
who volunteered during any war. Bartcop is cleaner than Jay Leno
and John Stewart.
Der Monkey fishes with the fishing channel.
(HOT) Alan Keyes vs. Barak Obama - very short but revealing bit about how
the Republicans got a black carpetbagger (Keyes)
to run against Obama for his first Senate seat.
Maher again - Why is Bush held to a lower
Maher again - it’s dangerous that this country
is run by religious crazies.
Bush tries to talk about tribal sovereignty.
Not very well.
Bart saw Cassius Clay/Mohammed Ali on video.
The audio is not very audible, but Ali is making jokes about
everything good being white. Bart then
turns to a black comedian (Chris Rock?) being severely punished by his
End: Nazi-Com is coming!
BCR 60 by Peter Y
Bart flies solo
Violates the checklist with a shot of Cazadores
Randi gives the history of the BFEE in the
Mid East--Bart rants about
her devotion to Bev Harris, Hatfield, Rather
and the concept of Bush inoculation
Predicts Hillary for 2008.
Long rant on a column about Atheists for Kerry
Regular folks choose to vote for higher oil
prices, 1000 dead. What’s wrong with people?
Bart & Mrs. Bart attend a funeral in Little
Rock--Springhill Suites and
closing the deal (humor)--Black Forest Altar--Clinton
TIVO is magically good!
Thanks Mr. Harmony for the fine Cazadores
Boston's Big Dig will be Kerry’s fault.
Here’s a gift you won’t get anywhere else (probably
moot, now, but…)--SW signature card for two gives 16 points (one trip already),
buy something for 8 more points, get a new
cell phone for 8 more points, and you have two trips to Vegas.
Howard Stern on Dave explaining why Sirius
Satellite radio will rock
Clinton’s ‘Temper’, moral authority (the Big
Dog’s always good) “You guys repeated every Ken Starr slur…”
Wanda on Leno—also always good
BCR 61 by Peter Y
5 al Quaeda arrested in Saudi Arabia leads
to religious insanity rant—if they’re crazy how are we (Christians) any
Different book; same insanity. W can
say, “It’s not my fault…it’s in the book!” We have to hate gays:
it’s in the book!
Republican greed at ABC: Begining and ending
shows just off the half-hour so TIVO and other recording devices
either don’t get the ending (so you better
watch live) or they miss the beginning or ending of other shows.
Great George Carlin bit on being a digital
guy in a broadband world, etc, for a thousand words.
How come nobody called to say anything about
the free trips that Bart gave away last show?
Great rant about getting a new phone, including
being offered the NASCAR package that makes motor noises!
Please don’t unsubscribe but just tell Bart
where he’s wrong, but it was (probably) OK for Ron Artest to go into
the stands after the guy who poured beer on
him. (Hmmm…being from Detroit, I know Ron Artest is a punk, but…)
Also, again don’t unsubscribe, but have a dialog
about how the marine who shot the wounded guy in the mosque
was justified in doing so. (Good perspective
on this one.)
Dream about Steven Segall drinking a pink frilly
drink and Bart just couldn’t keep quiet…
Scott Peterson and victim impact statements:
Is murdering a snaggle-toothed overweight sourpuss
less of a crime than Laci with her 1000-watt
smile and the laugh that doubled her over?
Bart's friend Scarey and the $10000 straight
State’s permitted medical marijuana trumped
by all of the supremes.
Letter from Dow proudly refusing to give anything
to the Bhopal victims, so don’t worry stockholders!
Tally (rare bad language alert) on the worthless
Dems; Michael Moore; the Psycho Bully Thug Party;
Patriot Act; voting machines and state officials
working for candidates; red state welfare
Bart goes to an NFL game…never again (commercial;
commercial; commercial; cheerleaders; commercial…once in awhile a little
McCain and steroids and sports
A Buick commercial
Ends with Shirley “I want to kill you…I want
to blow you---up”
BCR 62 by Peter Y
Zell Miller, handjob
Last Scott Peterson—sentenced to death.
Recap of Bart’s problems with the whole thing: Why?
Because a father should protect his family.
Why did Geragos claim he would prove innocence?
Eureka Springs, AR Crescent Hotel (haunted)
Any masons (the actual brick laying kind of
masons) have any ideas why the bricks were popping?
I wonder if any of them ever bought a new car…Bart
You have a heart of stone if this doesn’t
Time letters to the editor: The people have
spoken: Bush is a strong leader;
I am ashamed to be an American; Thank God
Bush was reelected…
Jack Whittaker won $113,000,000. Pity
the poor man…
Why are Dems silent about war, Rummy when even
McCain hurls criticism?
Zell Miller to honor Swift Boat Vets.
How come he’s still a Democrat? He’s in the cluuuub.
Howard on Dave about Serious again – Michael
Powel, People for the American Way
BCR 63 by Peter Y
McGloughlin Group End of year (2004) recap.
Lower your expectations…lower…no, even lower…there
Each topic draws more or less brief rants from
Best Politician – should be Rove
Worst: Dick Cheney, Arafat (Bush family only
makes money during wartime-it was in their interest to warn
Arafat against signing anything in summer
Bum Rap: Dean Scream; (Tony Blankley is a whore’s
whore) (long riff on do you want X (healthcare, peace,
strong economy, etc) or do you want to stop
two men kissing—the people seem to have spoken);
Media on Swift Boats (huh?)
Bush will do anything to win (sometimes McGloughlin
and Buchanan can tell the truth)
AARP and drugs
Why did Les Aspin resign over 18 dead in Mogodishu,
but nobody from Bush II resigned over 3000
dead in Iraq?
Zell Miller at Nazi Con
Why is Lieberman still around?
Bill Frist is the presumptive 2008 front runner
Barak Obama has a big future (it appears that
Osama bin Laden is leading Bush around)
Kerry and his medals; Martha Stewart; Dan
Rather and immunity
Abu Grahib/Gitmo/Torture (maybe we should go
all in on Obama Barak?)
Theresa Kerry vs Pickles
Oil for food scandal; Yushenko poisoning;
Why can’t the Dems say what Thomas Frank says
in What’s the Matter with Kansas?
Karl Rove and the Big Lie
Best Photo-Op: Lindie England; the Debate
Person of the Year: Bush
Talley on the sad end to the year: the tsunami.
Mark Perkel (the First One) on the radio re
of Reality (Bart’s the 7th one)
Big news:: An anonymous donor gave Bart &
Mrs. Bart two 1st class tickets anywhere.
Poker Fest Maui, coming up!
Where’s the CSI Christmas Episode?
What’s wrong with TIVO? Get away from
me, I don’t want your help!
House is the best show on TV.
Meet the Fokkers is the biggest movie out:
baby Jesus wants a dog to bite your crotch.
and Celebrity Jeopardy
Thanks to Pete for doing this.
Some of those bits were pretty good - that Celebrity
Jeopardy, for instance.
Jeopardy was in DC that week and all the answers
were political - which made the questions hysterical :)
BCR 64 by Peter Y
03 January 2005
Cold reading of US Whore Today:
Tsunami—Bush originally pledged $15mill (with
42? For the inaugural?)
Economy – if W owns something? (Oil.
Gold) buy it.
Mad cow in Canada
Don’t buy an SUV (see above)
United Methodist church full page ad asking
for tsunami prayers—why not send them the money you spent on the ad?
National champion prediction (OK vs USC) –
USC probably won’t score at all
Anna Nicole Smith inheritance - give the girl
some cash for blowing the old coot.
Martha Stewart runner up in prison holiday
Bart says American Idol is a fake—they aren’t
really any good
Virgin Mary in the Mojave desert
Questions from a reader re: Bart’s liberal
Rule of law? Not so much anymore.
Delay rewrites ethics rules…
Morning zoo type phone call…what Oklahoma
is really like?
Support the troops: Heroes? Saps?
Tally on Watergate, fantasy about Dem takeover
of congress followed by investigations and prosecutions; about massive
Marc’s Church of Reality interview
New Year’s Eve trip report (the only reason
to listen to or read Bart…if anyone’s asking)
NY Eve saw some TV with Motley Crue – nice
Robert Plant story
Saw Collateral—even Tom Cruise couldn’t ruin
it. Jamie Foxx is a great actor.
Ends with a comedian decrying test audiences.
Think what’s missing from Basic Instinct.
BCR 65 by Peter Y
13 January 2005
Bart informs us he doesn’t care for George
Striking red bottle of Tequila Carlejo Anejo
calls Bart’s name at the mid-east liquor store.
The football announces always place the blame
on the head coach. Politics? It’s always someone else’s fault.
Democrats and the character issue for the
last election—they need to call ol’ Bart to get some advice.
For free! It’s soooo easy!
Or did Skull & Bones loyalty get in the way?
Vote is cast on instinct—not logical analysis
Voters are STUPID – why don’t the Democrats
People hate attack ads, but they watch them
and the message sticks
Arnold fondles. Sad story of a daddy
buying a nice car for his daughter.
Tulsa paper letters to the editor: Bush
not pro-life: he commiserates with the tsunami victims, but not with the
100,000 in Iraq
Politics in Sports: Randy Moss leaving with
two seconds in the game and pretending to moon the crowd are the worst
offenses ever committed on the football field.
Randy has a big Afro.
Where do series ending balls end up and who
‘Tom’ Armstrong Williams and the $250,000
honorarium from the Whit e House coincidentally after praising NCLB.
He apologizes for the ‘mistake.’
Bart once again explains his torture policy.
(Stay neutral here, Pete…just report…) Seque into 24 review and Robert
Bianbco (minor) beatdown.
Short Bush rap (who does these? They’re
great. Kinda lets us realize that sometimes the producer of a rap
song is more important than the artist.)
Tally on the late release of October’s report
that there were no WsMD in Iraq. More election fraud uncovered
every day. What will turn the tide?
Bart Cop Quiz: What if
Who picks the prayer?
Condoms in the schools?
Republicans passed a law gagging rape centers
form counseling about terminations
Judith Reagan (Regnery Press?) caught shacking
up with Bernard Kerick.
British comedian on religion
BCR 66 by Peter Y
Flood at Bart Cop Manor forcing a move, twice!,
over the next three weeks. No time for Chinaco…
Tulsa World quiz on what do you know about
Drives on the ranch?
etc., etc., etc.
Special treat: Tally reads some internet ads
(it’s real, but fun to hear Tally working)
Johnny Carson death—TIVO rant; Leno mourns
oddly; Attending the Tonight Show taping on the first motor trip west.
Bart has hundreds of audio tapes taken over
the air from the TV---anyone know how to get them digital for not too much
time and trouble?
Al Franken beats O’Reilly down
Torture (the old she’s your daughter argument)
How can you punish unconvicted people?
Gonzalez’s rationale is not valid
How can you know on 9-10? Because Richard
Clark said so. (Ed: what makes Richard Clark so dependable and incorruptible?
Torture is the dark side – more Jack Webb
(Dragnet) less Jack Bauer – torture has always been used to oppress not
to get information
We reject torture as sin
Fantasy where Bart is taken and tortured…what’s
he going to say?
Bart ends it with a Dirty Harry movie scene
where torture worked.
Tally Voting in Iraq may turn out to be suicide—insurgents
have threatened it. Barbara Boxer speaks the truth about Condi.
Torture would be OK only for
a Pay Per View with Bush, Cheney, Condi, Rummy, etc. under the hammer.
Matthews and Russert are hard hitting interviewers?
Staunch life-long Democrats loving them some
Economic predictions: Buy gold and oil.
The 20’ tidal wave is comingb. Get out of debt now. Health
care is burying us. The Fed will raise interest rates. Oil
will go to 80-100/bbl..
Comedian. Tommy closes the show.
BCR 67 by Peter Y
Still moving.State of the Union tonight.
List of lawsuit myths we’ve all seen (burglar
wins after being caught in garage. Hand run over while stealing hubcaps
wins suit. Etc.) All lies from the media.
Bush’s SS plan—beware, as stocks are a zero
sum game – if I win, you lose.
US Whore Today has the SOU before the speech?
So no matter what The Monkey says, it’s already documented correctly.
Condi starts her new job.
Democrats can’t/won’t block Gonzales.
School principal wants wo reward students
Great Death to America Bush rap.
Rush beatdown from Super Bowl Philly/Patriots
match up. (Someone is sensoring the N word?)
Joe Biden hearts Condi during the hearings.
President is entitled to have who he wants.
Bush gives up the hunt for WsMD. There
was more fallout (firings/resignations) over the CBS National Guard Memo
snafu than over finding no weapons.
Bush screws up and is rewarded: the army breaks
their stuff and has to buy more? Buy from Carlysle (Bush Daddy).
Close with a comedian.
Last during move show?
BCR 68 by Peter Y
No Chinaco…settling for Don Eduardo.
Water in the house? Off a duck’s back. Two days to move?
No problem. Bart doesn’t do stress.
Harry Reid on Tim the Whore is pro-life?
(More professional Tally web page ads)
The Economy:: on-line gambling; half-mil fine
(Musical interlude brought to you by Frank
US Whore Today article on marihuana [SIC]
experiment, aka, Does Dr Pepper make you tall?
Mike Malloy lauding BartCopGood News: Stairway
To Heaven. Bart & Mrs Bart had ($2800) stress tests
and Bart doesn’t do stress, but Mrs. Bart
showed an anomaly. Doc Sharif finally determined she was fine.
Ambulance story leading to discovery of blood
cancer. The disease you have is the disease you have.
But Bart read that the Mayo Clinic recommends
green tea, so for 10¢ a dozen times a day, you too can move
the window out so far you can’t see through
it. Whatever, have a good time every day.
BCR 69 by Peter Y
Big, big, big show.
Story about a kid with 6 terrorism indictments.
Was his HS valedictorian, was held in Saudi Arabia for 20 months.
Family sued to find him. So he was found,
but justified by being indicted. How many others are there?
Long discussion about Laurence Sommers asking
why there are fewer top notch women in science and math.
Facts are not slurs!
Probation for Priest convicted of plying dead
yoot with alcohol—not his first time, but he got probation.
Advice to call the credit people and your
card people to severely limt your credit until you are actually
going to go and use it—too many ID thefts
have gone on.
Liberal SC justices allow land grab for corporation
interests-it ain’t right. Bart agrees with Fat Tony the Judge!
Economy-Bush Dow v Clinton Dow. Oil
over $50/barrel. Advice: Don’t bet on America with a R in the
Buy oil, water, gold.
Barry Bonds illustrates racism and politics
Talley: Bush admin destroying everything.
How come all of a sudden exit polling no longer works?
Cops kill a freak with a stun gun. Bart
sings – don’t miss it.
Torture is like eating a compadre. If
your plane is lost and he’s already dead. Don’t insist you dwouldn’t
The Big Bomb Shell: Bush In a box he can’t
escape! There is no rational reason for there having been no terrorist
Unless a deal has been made. If the
terrorists want to attack, it’s too easy; they cannot be stopped.
Comedian in the Waffle House: why you readin?
BCR #70, Part I
Summary by Jane in Beantown
We’re told it will be a thrill-packed episode
Bart says he’s not a flaming Nazi gasbag so
it’s OK he’s on his 70th show.
He reassures us that even tho the prior 2
shows were Chinaco-less, this one will have Chinaco. (Personally, I look
to the “thoop” sound made by the cork coming
out of the Chinaco bottle. Often Bart comments on the qualities of a particular
bottle, since, he tells us, Chinaco is a small-batch
tequila so some bottles taste different.)
“Our House” song
The new Casa de Bart; top 10 differences between
Bartcop Manor and Casa de Bart. With real honking geese sounds!
Wiring, off-turning faucets, no pit bulls,
so Bart doesn't have to grill with a Glock handy, new house closer to Bixby
20:40 Priest scandal letter to the editor;
John Bolton as ambassador to U.N. and short rant on lameness of Dems in
the nomination; Scalia’s 10 Commandments quote
with religious insanity mini-rant; basketball coach John Cheney and how
b-ball is a super-stupid sport (even invoking
Bart’s Law no. 2).
BCR #70, Part II
Economics: Consumer Reports on cars and Japan
kicking Detroit’s ass. You can buy last year’s quality car from rich people
and it will last. Bush will drive gas prices
up. Airlines and the price of oil (going to $60 per barrell in 2004!).
Copper prices rising
because of huge demand by China. Bart holds
forth on commodities. Bono is potential candidate for World Bank chief.
Since no one writes in when Ol’ Bart talks
about economics, he figures that (a) no one is listening or (b) he’s right.
Bart explains why a consumption tax is so much
worse than the income tax: rant about how the poor need to buy everything,
but the rich already have everything and so
would pay no consumption tax. The movie Network needs to be resurrected.
“From Rags to Riches” song
19:56 Sport segment: Kobe Bryant settling out
of court. You know, I know, and Bob Dole knows that Kobe has ten girlfriends
in every city; he just wrote the victim a
big fat check. Baseball steroids rant based on U.S Whore Today column.
“invited” to testify and hemming and hawing
29:35 Lance Armstrong has been great but should
retire before he regrets hanging on too long. Dennis Miller joke about
Kobe Bryant settlement sucked and he (Miller)
should retire too. Rant on slot machine brouha in Florida. Less crime in
Las Vegas after prostitution was pretty much
BCR #70, Part III
“Come Together” (Beatles w/Lennon laughing
after screwing up)
Tim Russert on Greenspan—quotes a Greenspan
interview. Bart sets Timmy straight on difference between Clinton
and GOP’s perpetual deficit spending.
Movie quote about gambling
“War: What Is It Good For?” song
U.S. Whore Today rundown: Bart gives audio
demonstration of the 31 times San Diego cops shot a mental guy. In
legislators want to rename a creek with “racially
charged” name of Negro Branch to Pride Creek. Chicago mayor wants to
regulate guns, setting off a mini-rant. Abilene
porn shop/obscenity charges. Kenner, Louisiana: laid-off AT&T employees
wrote bogus refund checks to themselves, prompting
head-shaking from Bart. They should learn from BFEE, which only
bothers to steal huge amounts, whole countries,
etc. St. Paul, Minnesota: cold medicine going all Homeland Security
because it can be used to make meth. Buying
guns/ammo versus buying Actifed. A man threw his very young daughter
a fifty-foot overpass and she suffered little
harm, leading Bart to admit HE’D believe in God if that happened to him
he was unhurt. And of course, Tulsa, OK: Indian
pickle worker held against his will and paid subminimum wages, leading
to a rant about poor reporting. Philly cops
up to 14 fatal shootings in 2004; fake Hillary story promoted by Paul Harvey
(unsafe around horses) about how she torched
a building full of blacks.
BCR #70, Part IV
“Money” by Pink Floyd—song
Bankruptcy “reform” bill benefits the credit
card companies. American Banking Association guy acting like banks
are doing us a favor, but they blame
consumers who have bad luck and use what a judge called “unconscionable
to get back much more than they lent you.
Dems should tell people that the country is changing radically since 1999.
10:17: Bart reads letter from Jonathan in
Canada, which came with a big check.
Jon Stewart quote: Fifty Cent and the Game
end feud. Letterman quote on George W. Bush, Straight Talker.
Stewart on Middle East elections. Bill Maher:
Martha Stewart released from prison. Jon Stewart on same.
His team is spying on her house arrest. Bill
Maher on Bush’s Social Security plan. Colbert: Confession Booth
Confessions series. Maher new rule on airlines,
Praise to Tommy Mack, etc.
Song about living down by the sea. (Don’t
know the band?)
BCR #71, Part I by Jane
Show took forever. Monkeys on Bill Maher have
to be answered so they’re in this show.
Dipwad Andrew Breitbart on Maher show with
Richard Belzer also. When girl guest (didn’t get her name) says liberals
are speaking out in Muslim world, Bart says
our BS detector should be barking like a chihuahua on Cuervo. Iran elections
don’t mean victory. The Democrats should label
the effort with Bush’s name so when it fails he gets the blame. Middle
won’t be fixed because people there want to
please the ICB more than they want their children to live.
Long recording of Johnny Carson and Doc Severinson
on the Tonight Show joking about Thanksgiving.
Oyster stuffing vs. bread stuffing, Doc’s
ex-wife now stuffing her turkey with his money, etc. Great.
Back to Maher and guest. Does Bush have half
If he’s not stupid, why can’t he answer anything
without a prearranged answer?
Lewis Black on authority—it’s harder to trust
police after two NY cops turned out to be Mafia hit men.
Pentagon officials not being punished for
Abu Ghraib. People on terrorist watch list were allowed to buy guns,
while NRA says it’s shameful that terror suspects
might lose gun rights.
Girl on Maher gives him her pajamas for acknowledging
Bush is dumb. Bart: Repubs know this too,
that’s why they keep him on a short leash.
Bush’s lack of knowledge of Middle East was a good thing, according to
R&B song—“Let’s Go Get Stoned”
Maher show again—Breitbart (not Bright Bart)
complains he’s been called Hitler for supporting Iraq invasion.
Belzer calls him out. Bart: Repubs change
the subject when caught lying. Where was Maher—why did Belzer have
to smack down Breitbart? Great Belzer line
about Middle East: they have a seven-thousand year head start and don’t
have democracy; who are we to shove it down
“I Get Around” punk version.
BCR #71, Part II
“Build Me Up”—song
Belzer back on Maher. Woman wonders why Iraqi
women aren’t saying they’re grateful Saddam’s gone.
Iraqis now have to confront themselves. Bart:
certain things were better under Saddam.
Three Dog Night song
On 60 Minutes, Ed Bradley reported on island
where no one died in a tsunami. Animals left for high ground and the sea
receded almost a mile, so people moved inland.
Old guy says to Bradley that tsunami happened because the big wave
hadn’t eaten in a long time and was hungry
for people. Odd mix of logic (following animals uphill) and superstition/fantasy
(hungry wave). Bart: the guy was brought up
illiterate and so it’s understandable, but conservative Christians don’t
that excuse. They choose to believe in fantasies
and deny facts. Example: when Stephanopoulos asked right-wing M.D.
Senator Bill Frist if you could catch AIDS
from tears or sweat, Frist said he wasn’t sure. Jon Stewart comments that
he’d cry, but first he’d have to put a condom
on his face.
Woman on Maher again vs. Belzer. Bart on shifting
rationale for invasion of Iraq. Not-so-Breitbart claims we went to war
because “America was attacked”—Bill Maher
wakes up and answers that was a lie. Yet Bart wonders why Maher doesn’t
nail guests on Bush lying about the reason
to invade. Woman claims that war opponents also changed their reasons.
Bart sets her straight.
“One of These Nights”--the Eagles
Woman on Maher claiming that “everybody” changed
their positions, trying to make Bush sound less guilty
and the sides are morally equal. Bart sets
her straight again.
“It Ain’t Me You’re Looking For, Babe”
Are we sick of hearing Bart say that Bush is
stealing $100 million per day? Yes, but only Bart is pointing it out.
Would we believe Wolfie the Comb Licker? Wolfowitz
on tape: Iraq can refinance its own reconstruction, pumping $100 billion
in 2-3 years.
“Rocket Man” cover
BCR #71, Part III
Back to Maher: He seems to be saying
get behind the president. Bart rant about people not questioning the war
and asking where
the oil money is. Belzer mentioned those
dead and maimed in Iraq and how unstable people took over that country--was
it worth it?
Girl guest attacks him for asking that and
says Belzer a “product of the culture of instant gratification” (lol).
followed by Bart smackdown of Maher siding
Bart on his ADD--saw TV add for a prescription
medicine for it. Sounds good to Bart except for the liver problems.
List of side effects long and alarming.
Tom Jones song “Delilah”
Bart would tell woman on Maher she’s a lying
slut. Just like a poker player who bluffs all the time.
You have to call their bluff. Liars have to
be challenged. Democrats need to learn how to gamble.
“Welcome to Jesusland” song
Maher show--Belzer asks why we don’t invade
other countries to free them.
Maher says civil war sometimes necessary to
get better system.
BCR #71, Part IV
Tally explains her absence due to working on
a performance and goes on to respond to Terri Schiavo situation.
With all the other garbage that goes on--she
gives a long list--how can people be so concerned about this one sick woman?
Conservatives’ “culture of life” is complete
BS, only for political points.
Maher show--again! Less-than-Breit-bart
claims that people are against “involvement” in Iraq, which Bart says is
vague cop-out, people are against killing,
raping and torturing in Iraq, not mere “involvement.” Compares Bush’s
non-solving the problem with Clinton’s 18-hour
days making the Middle East leaders come to peace terms.
Maher wimps out, according to Bart, by hearing
lies and stupid crap from right-wing guests, and then Maher
makes a lame joke on another topic instead
of callling the guy to task.
Comedy quotes: SNL (?) Letterman joke about
Martha Stewart getting out of prison. Las Vegas mayor got in trouble f
or telling schoolkids he loves to drink, but
Maher says that’s OK to say if you’re mayor of a place called Sin City.
Jon Stewart on the federal law about Terri
Schiavo. SNL on Michael Jackson showing up to court with pajamas on.
Stewart on the brackets for March Madness--but
for celebrity trials, not basketball. Letterman on NYC’s 3-10 million
which are very smart. He saw one rat distract
a squirrel while another rat grabbed his nuts. Maher goes on
about the chief of Boeing (now pronounced
“Boing”) forced to resign for fraternizing with a female staff member.
Country of schoolmarms worried about sex but
not about $9 billion dollars getting LOST in Iraq.
“It’s The End of the World as We Know It”--closing
Bart ruminates on why doing the radio shows doesn’t get faster as
he does more of them.
Sometimes more alcohol is the answer.
Shot of Chinaco.
Music: “I Don’t Like Mondays”
Newspaper rundown: Actor Tom Sizemore sentenced for repeatedly failing
drug tests while on probation.
This was while free on bail on a domestic violence rap. Dude just
can’t stop sinning. He should do what Belushi did,
which was hire a black belt to be in the room with him at all times
and physically prevent him from accepting drugs.
Virginia Commonwealth Univ. tightens security after woman professor
led payer service for both men and women.
Islamic law forbids women from leading men in prayer. Religious
Terri Schiavo: Situation was fine until the Bush brothers butted
in to get political points by pandering to the “pro-lifers”
picketing at the nursing facility. One lady named Sharon Mola angry
at Jeb b/c Terri is being “tortured and murdered.”
Shrub and Jeb blind-sided by sane people fighting them to let Terri
go; the Bushes have never had real opposition before,
not from the lily-livered, pink-tutu, gelding Dems, according to
Bart. Protestor signs: “Stop the American Holocaust.”
“Send in the National Guard.” Repub on the scene could not answer
a question about this backfiring on Bushes,
which brings to mind the Bartcop Quiz. Liars fail the quiz when
they can’t answer the question, such as G. Gordon Liddy.
Headline: Senator Says GOP Can Disallow Filibusters. Harry Reid responds
that if GOP disallows filibusters the Dems
will do a slowdown and use procedural maneuvers to block actions.
Bart complains that this is a bluff and a handjob,
and he doesn’t want anyone but Mrs. Bart giving him handjobs (at
least, he says, that’s mostly true).
Headline: Walmart to Workers: Report All Ethical Lapses. Walmart
settled with the gov’t for $15 million for hiring
undocumented workers then locking them in the store all night, telling
them to clean the store--or else. World’s biggest
retailer exploiting the weakest and poorest of people. Hypcrisy
of Walmart telling workers to report ethics lapses as public relations
Music: “Good Vibrations”
Headline: Army Is Late with Orders for Armored Humvees. War started
with only 200 Humvees for all the soldiers
sent to Iraq. Echoes of GHWB failing to send adequate armor and
supplies to the US soldiers in Somalia as a welcome
gift to Clinton. Failure in Somalia would then be blamed on Clinton.
In Iraq, too few troops were sent, and they had no
body armor or armored vehicles, because neocons needed to make the
invasion look like a quick, easy victory.
One military contractor offered to up its production of armored
humvees but the Pentagon said no thanks, not necessary.
Meanwhile 1,500 soldiers are dead and more are maimed by roadside
bombs. And no one is held to account for it.
Pentagon wanted to pull back all armored vehicles after Baghdad
fell, since it failed to anticipate the insurgency.
Like planning to climb Mount Everest in one day and bringing one
day’s food, planning on the best-case scenario.
Pentagon report on how badly the war planning had been bungled was
delayed until after the 2004 election and Dems
had no problem with that. Even Al Franken on Air America radio didn’t
take it seriously enough. Nobody’s demanding
the report be made public. In contrast, when Juanita Broderick interviewed
Lisa Myers about Clinton, Repubs and
whore media screamed for the report of that.
Why isn’t Howard Dean doing more? Is he all talk?
Headline: Jackson Jury to Hear Other Allegations. Bart says, Objection
because of lack of evidence. Judge in trial
will allow nine witnesses to speak who “allege” they saw MJ doing
inappropriate things with boys. Witnesses include
alleged victim who got $2.4m settlement and another who settled
for $20m. Bart thinks they’re gold diggers. Notes that
Jackson was never charged in those incidents. Jackson sued Neverland
employees who said they saw him molesting a kid,
and he won; the judge concluded they were lying, and had no evidence.
Everybody’s just trying to get rich off MJ.
If Neverland staff saw MJ getting kids drunk or molesting them,
why didn’t they call 9-1-1, and why aren’t they being
charged as accessories? Alleged “Jesus Juice,” alcohol given to
kids--where’s the evidence? Prosecutor Tom Sneddon
on charges he says he can prove. Bart messes up the reading several
times but then gets it right. <sound effect of applause
and cheering>. MJ accused of abducting kid by giving him a trip
to Disneyworld. Bart detours into the time he was “abducted”
by a coach at U. of Arkansas because he gave Bart a ride to campus
from the bus station. Even Leno says the families of the
boys are grifters. Accuse a high-profile Dem or black person of
anything and you can be set for life--the exception being
accusing Bushes. They get away with murder, and anyone who accuses
them is silenced.
Music: “The Cheater”
After the Barts moved, the post office held their mail for
six weeks. That meant bills got messed up, causing lots of problems,
but late mail included the issue of Rolling Stone with obit of Hunter
S. Thompson. He seemed to get away with a lot of stuff.
David Rees of “Get Your War On” is drawing for Rolling Stone also
and has a cartoon about basketball. Article about decline
of rock radio. Rock stations keep folding, and Bart blames the record
companies, with cookie cutter, lame bands. Since new
bands suck, the stations are playing the oldies and people are sick
of those. Hip hop is taking over. BART RAPS!
He demonstrates a 50 Cent tune where he says he’s gonna “take you
to the candy shop, you gonna suck my lollypop”
and says that in the video 50 Cent points to his crotch while saying
this. Complains that this is a “love song” in today’s world.
Song: “So Happy Together” cover
Excerpt by Shrub: Says he’s looked at all options in Schiavo situation,
in accordance with Congress. He believes that
legislative and executive branch ought to “err on the side of life.”
Bart notes that he’s smirking during this speech.
Bush says “Now we’ll watch the courts make its decision.” Claims
he doesn’t want government telling people what
to do (while interfering in Schiavo case, of course).
Song: Parody of “The Big Rock Candy Mountain”--I couldn’t make out
all the words--something about a ranch
Bart says it’s gotta suck to be Hootie of Hootie and the Blowfish.
Tells about how when Shirley Manson was asked
why her band was called Garbage, she said it was b/c Blowfish was
already taken. Complains that Hootie did this
one stupid song that went to the top of the charts and then “stayed
there like a Pope.” It’s all been downhill from there.
Now he’s in a Burger King commercial. [By the way, his real name
is Darius Rucker.]
Song: “I’m a Liar”
Commercial: “President Bush wants to rescue Social Security.” “Democrats
have no solutions.” “Tell Congress that
Social Security is too important for partisan games.” Bart objects,
Your Honor. AARP ad: “Well, you’ve got a clogged
drain; looks like we have to tear down the whole house.” Bart notes
that neocons put Bush in power so he could steal
everything; that’s why he’s claiming SS needs to be “rescued” by
Blockbuster Video settles lawsuit over late fees. Bart says they
had to b/c they’re getting spanked by Tivo, Napster, etc.
It’s going to be a thrill-packed show. Bart runs down the table of
Wolfe the Whore, Jane Fonda, Mark McGwire, Randi Rhodes, Tiger Woo,
First story is about a dirty, lying, scumbag whore known as Wolf
Blitzer. A whore among whores. He’s worse than Rush, etc.
because everybody knows they’re paid to lie, but Wolf poses as a
real newsman. Sidebar of Jeff Toobin asking Bart for dirt
on Rush; Bart says he has never lied to us (except for that one
time on Radio show 29--hmmmmmm). Wolf saying of Michael
Jackson that a woman testified that MJ not only stayed over their
house for 30 days but slept in the kid’s room and even bed.
Toobin: These are only allegations and not proved. Plus the woman’s
credibility is poor. Wolf wants MJ to be guilty so bad
he’s giving the woman a free pass. Toobin: Defense says the woman
views Jackson as her meal ticket. Bart refers to
Dick Van Dyke show, which had on Chad and Jeremy, the musical act.
Security used decoy singers to distract screaming girls
while DVD drove a laundry truck with real Chad and Jeremy in the
back. They stayed overnight at the Petrie’s house, and after
they left the girls arrived but DVD said the boys were gone and
the girls tore up the place. Bart tells us that Wolf is making
allegations into “facts” for ratings, and asks how MJ could be at
some kid’s house for 30 days with no one knowing. The lady
testifies that MJ bought her a lot of expensive things (while sleeping
with her son).
Andy Rooney on death of the pope: Bart thought there were too many
pictures all over the news of the pope’s corpse lying in state.
Pictures of dead people are gross. He and Mrs. Bart are going for
cremation. It seems stupid to him to spend thousands and
thousands on a funeral. Same with weddings. Visiting a grave doesn’t
make much sense to him, either. Bart relates an episode
of Homicide where a man sold the same casket to a whole series of
people by emptying the casket after each funeral. He says
don’t bury jewelry with the people because the funeral home will
just take it when everybody is gone. Hoopla over pope reminds
Bart of Elvis Presley in his grave and people were outraged. Bart
rhymes: Here a dead pope, there a dead pope, everywhere a
dead pope, pope. But the upside is, pope news pushed Terri
Schiavo off the front page.
Randi Rhodes on Air America Radio is good as explaining something
complicated. She explains why we went to war in the
Middle East: Bush energy plan included negotiating with the Taliban.
Unocal’s pipeline is selling oil to American companies now.
But Americans don’t pay attention to that world. BFEE using the
most powerful military in the world as a bargaining chip to get
pipeline deals, etc. And these multinationals don’t pay their
U.S. income taxes so the rest of us get hosed. This big oil merger is
evidence. Bart says no one listens when Democrats say Bush
started the wars for oil. but the rest of the world knows and
America is the most hated country because of it. BFEE always wants
more and more, and the dumb soldiers cheer and salute
when they see Bush, not realizing he’s sending them into the meat
grinder to get richer. Men at Work song: “It’s a Mistake”
Bart has had a couple of letters about Jane Fonda. First writer
says he doesn’t blame her for her opinions about the Vietnam War
and would be polite to her when meeting her. Signed Tom Hayden (not
one of her husbands but a retired military guy). Second guy
says he still endures pain caused by Jane Fonda’s trip to Hanoi
and that guys who fought for HER freedom deserve recognition
and apology. Bart notes that she apologized lots of times already.
And that the “freedom” they fought for includes the freedom
to have an opinion. Second writer says Fonda should use her
royalties from her book to help Vietnam vets. Bart says some people
just always want to attack Fonda no matter what she does. Bush went
AWOL and today’s soldiers support him. Bart is struggling
with his attitude toward the military since they love Der Monkey.
But anyone against the war is the troublemaker, not the guy
who sent them to war.
The center and the right are beating up on Fonda and no one is speaking
up for her. Bart thinks the hatred of her is manufactured. S
he’s a lightning rod for all the bad feelings about the war. But
she gave no military orders that killed anybody. Unlike Oliver North,
she didn’t bring two plane loads of singer missiles to the enemy.
But he’s a Repub and she’s a Dem so she gets blasted for posing
with the enemy. Bart would like to find a veteran to debate about
Fonda. He finds all the hatred of peaceniks odd. He thinks she
should say “I went to North Vietnam to put a human face on the enemy.”
(A major rant is developing.) All those who hate her--
How many people did she kill? How many dead would make the
pro-war people happy? The Negropontes, Poindexters and
Iran-Contra bastards who had the hostages held longer so Reagan
would get elected--haven’t they hurt America much more
than Fonda? And if they wanted Reagan in power why was he shot soon
in his term? Which reminds Bart: Neil Bush was due
to eat with Hinckley’s family that night. It would be easy to give
info on Reagan’s whereabouts at that dinner. . . .
But the press focuses on Jane Fonda rather than the real criminals
in the Bush WH.
Night sweats? Hot flashes? Premain commercial. Bart complains about
commercials on TV that talk about private medical
conditions. Describes commercial in which a woman whips out a tampon
to plug a leak in a boat. Premarin commercial continues.
Side effects include stroke, dementia, heart attack, etc.
“If you have a uterus, Premarin increases the risk of getting cancer in
[Note to Bart: It shames me that a woman was willing to speak those
words for money.] Fake commercial patient: “I’m so ready.”
Bart: “Yeah, me too!” He explains the source of Premarin: pregnant
horse urine. Who the hell thought of that?
From the Oklahoma Observer: OK House Votes for Bigotry. Gay guy writes
about how the OK legislature harmed his rights
by voting against nondiscrimination in the workplace. But
he was happy because at least some of the legislators were taking
his issues seriously.
A few seconds of O’Reilly when he was on Bill Maher. Maher asked
him what he thought about the Terri Schiavo business
and Bush’s intervention. O’Reilly: “I thought the whole thing was
a circus. They were all demagoguing it on both sides.
Pick your side.” Bart explains how it was not all sides, it was
religio-crazy repubs, but Jesse Jackson butting in gave the GOP
cover to say “both sides” used the woman for political purposes.
Bart says Jesse helped Bush continue to commit more crimes.
Bart asks our indulgence on the next bit, about Tiger Woo. He recorded
it when he was real mad. Bart tried the “Hex on Thee”
during the recent tournament and it almost worked. But then Eldrick
squeaked out a victory, ruining what Bart taped during
the golf game. After three long years, he wins a major tournament,
narrowly beating the immortal Chris deMarco. The PGA
voting Tiger the greatest golfer in the world is a joke like the
voting on American Idol. Winners are hyped as huge stars but
not one has had a hit (besides Kelly Clarkson). Fox just labeling
them stars doesn’t make it so. Tiger’s pure luck shot on
hole 16 was so not on purpose, so not because of skill, that
if anyone writes in and says it was skill, Bart will drive to your
home and slap you.
“Blazing Saddles” --song
Lyric: He rode a blazing saddle, he wore a shining star . . .. and
Bart was his name
Why wouldn’t the bishops sign a zero-tolerance policy against child
Bart thinks it’s because they want the deal to include not looking
into previous cases.
Bart had a great idea. License plates should be words and not
a jumble of numbers and letters. People could identify
license plates on getaway cars better. Everybody should contact
their representatives to make this change.
Slim Pickens clip--from Blazing Saddles?
Dennis Miller: “Jury of Paul Hill, who murdered an abortion provider,
recommended the death penalty. Only took them
a few minutes, but they hung around for longer so they’d qualify
for their per diem. Charlton Heston paying somebody to
title his memoir. Religious right wingers worry him: Falwell, Robertson,
Oliver North are modern-day Torquemadas.
He hopes their grab for political power will be their Holy Waterloo.”
But, Bart says, the minute the planes hit on 9/11
Miller turned into one of them, forsaking all the principles he
held up till then.
SNL: “Wolf Blitzer” interviewing “Bob Dole.” Lewis Black:
News for him comes down to Extra, Access Hollywood,
and Hollywood Tonight. The celebrities have three options. Defiance:
He cites Tom Sizemore saying “Fuck the press.”
Repentance: Jane Fonda apologizing for North Vietnam. And transcendence:
Mel Gibson’s statement of support for
Terri Schiavo’s parents, faxed from a restaurant in New Orleans.
Maher’s new rule: Don’t eat anything served thru
a window (Wendy’s customer got a human finger in chili).. Stewart
on Tom Delay: he’s so corrosive he typically works
best in moist, dark places; he became so upset in Schiavo case that
he came out into the light. Stewart on various
comments on the pope’s death. Guest on Cavuto says pope called invasion
of Iraq a defeat for humanity, immoral,
illegal, etc. Cavuto says pope’s views weren’t so black and white.
Maher on the study saying that teens who took
purity pledges had just as many STDs as those who didn’t: “When
I was in high school, the only people having
anal sex were the ones who missed!”
Randi Rhodes: Pope hated Bush’s bloodlust and was disgusted when
as governor of Texas Bush made fun of
death row inmate Carla Faye Tucker. When she pled for clemency,
Bush mocked her. Pope was against the
death penalty and the Iraq war and so was no friend of Bush’s. So
Randi was sickened by seeing Bush attend
the pope’s funeral looking like he cares.
Bart ends by saying once more that it was impossible for Hole 16
to be the result of skill.
(Bart needs money)
McGlaughlin’s Year in Review
Political rising stars—James Webb, Cindy Sheehan,
Charlie Rangel, Gates
Political Oblivion—Hasterd, Rove, Jebbie
Best Political Theater – Clinton v Wallace,
Chaney Vv UN
Worst Political Theater – Cheney v UN, Muslim
demonstrations against the cartoons, Limbaugh’s Mikey imitation
Worst Scandal –Republican culture of corruption,
Foley and the ethics committee (cost them the House), Abramhoff
Underreported—the deficit, the Lancet report
on how many dead Iraquis, Obama Smokes!, Darfur
Nice medley of WMD claims—almost a rap
Olberman essay on Why are we at war?
(Thought I’d annotate as I listen for fun,
Long, very amusing, interweaving of health
care town hall, comment by Bart and a few others. Punctuated by,
“Is you crazy?”
Phone Call: stolen elections, Valery Plame;
why are Bush crimes ignored?
Sports news: Tony Romo had a 29.6 rating.
That’s all the sports news needed.
Musical interlude of a newfound Garbage song
Joe from Toledo, long time caller, talks about
Republicans and Birthers seem to be at odds
regarding strong government.
Bill Maher on why they get the press: because
they’re out there and we’re sitting here watching TV and reading BartCop.
Closing with an early, live, Starway to Heaven
(that means good medical news)
There are 158 shows and Charlie, Pete, Jane and Matt can't do
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They did a great job with these shows - it's exactly what I was hoping
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of shows or anything)
send me an e-mail and I'll give you a password for a week or so to
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