- Best Fest Ever?
They came from New Hampshire and Boston and Detroit.
They came from St Louis, and Houston, Texas.
They came from Portland and Bend, Oregon
They came from Shingle Springs, just east of
They came from Menlo Park, Gilroy and North Hollywood,
There was even a couple of Okies there and we
had a great time.
We were supposed to meet at Sammy
Hagar's Cabo Wabo Tequila Bar at Planet Hollywood...
fun than sipping fine tequila while watching the world go by?
but Sammy's was packed wall-to-wall with drunken f-ing basketball hooligans.
Seriously, when is a bar jam-packed at 1 PM on a Sunday?
Every time someone made a basket, the hooligans would scream "mother
and they would all high-five each other - over some two-point basket
early in the game.
While scouting the bar, I noticed Sammy had TWO super-premium tequilas.
Really Sammy? You have TWO super-premiums?
They offered his ultra-great Cabo Uno...
and the vastly overpriced, tastes-funny Gran Patron Bordeaux
which means they put
probably super-great Patron Anejo into some gay Bordeaux barrels which
ruins the flavor.
If you see this in a tequila bar, don't buy it.
It'll cost you $75
a shot and it tastes like Danny Detroit's sox.
So, Sammy has two super-premiums, one of which sucks, so if someone
wants the best tequila in the house,
they have no choice but to go with Cabu Uno, which really is
great, but if Sammy was PROUD of his tequila,
he would offer Herradura's Seleccion Suprema, he would offer
Don Julio's Real and he would offer Chinaco's
30-year Emperador, the best damn stuff on Earth.
It's what God drinks because he's God.
Plus the music was blaring so loud, normal conversation was impossible
I called an audible and we all met at Yolos
Mexican Restaurant, instead.
There we got to meet each other and we ordered drinks and for some,
Three people brought fine, luxury tequilas and we quickly figured out
that we could
drink free shots in our room instead of paying for it at the club -
off we went.
We spent 90 minutes doing shots and paying homage to God's expertise
while we watched the occasional water fountain dance across the street
at The Bellagio.
Then somebody suggested a private poker tournament and bam
- we got us a table with a dealer.
Check this out - they charged us $80 for the table and the dealer.
But if you're gambling, ...you get free liquor.
I had $10 invested in this table and I got that back the first time
I said, "Double shot of Jack."
Plus, we weren't the sharpest group in the house so the dealer would
have to prompt us to bet
so the expected one hour poker tournament turned into two hours - with
I remember a story The
Hollywood Liberal told us about flying to a Bart Fest in Chicago.
He was flying first class (never done that -
I believe you get free food and drink) and the plane
had some minor problem so the crew told the passengers
the flight would be delayed.
So The Hollywood Liberals thinks, "Free booze,
free food ....I can stand to be a little late."
Seems like we played a long time without losing anybody.
The very patient dealer said most hands somebody raises or even goes
but we were a more of a "Check" group than "Raise" group.
I'll tell this story the way I remember it.
Michele said she got a recent $200 bonus at work
that made her decide to go to the Fest..
Somewhere between the first hello and the poker
game, she put some money in a slot machine
and on the second pull, she won $360.
Feeling like a winner, she wanted to gamble at poker
and she also paid for Perkel's buy-in which really
got the game rolling. She also paid the
casino fee which saved each person in the group
$10 - Thanks, Michele!
Back to the main story.
Marc Perkel, who doesn't even play poker, ended up with most of the
It was getting late and the dealer was tired after two hours without
so Perkel gratiously agreed to split the winnings.
Perkel said, "I don't really know how to play
poker but there's some math and some odds
involved and I'm pretty good with numbers
and that helped me outlast the others."
At our Tequilafest
at The Palms back in 2006, The
Perkel won the Group Roulette spin, too.
If anybody knows how to have a good time in Vegas,
it's Marc Perkel.
So it was back up to the room for more research.
This is when all the stops came out.
Everybody who had something got it out and I was amazed.
Don brought some tequila that he'd enhanced with oak chips and vanilla.
It was like no other tequila in the world and it was good!
Don also brewed his own coffee porter, whatever that is.
And he also brought his home-brewed Belgian heavy beer, whatever that
Pontiac Tom brought some honey wine, which is fermented honey instead
Of course, the Floristics were getting massive research and
soon I was too high to talk.
Then the munchies attacked so we all visited the Earl
of Sandwich at PH.
It was no Vegas Subs, but it was pretty good.
As the evening was getting late, I suggested we check The Aria.
It's proper name is "City Center" but The
Aria Resort is their crown jewel so I call it that.
To me, "City Center" sounds kinda like "Janitor's Closet."
On paper, it's just across the street but in reality it was probably
a thousand yards
so my broken toe suggested we take a cab and meet the others there.
Pretty soon everyone's feet were hurting and someone said, "So
what's the plan tomorrow?"
Swear to Koresh, the unanimous plan the next day was
"More poker - meet you at the tables at 1PM."
Monday morning we woke up early and I started partying - after all,
we were in Vegas.
That led to us getting hungry and Mrs. Bart noticed that The Bellagio
and she asked if we could do the fabulous Breakfast Buffet - probably
the finest in town.
For some reason, the buffet at Bellagio was much cheaper than we were
and the food was triple-super delicious.
I started out with ham, bacon, the best plain scrambled eggs I ever
had (How do they do that?)
I detected no spices, no cheeses, no peppers, it was "just" scrambled
eggs but they ruled the world!
I also got some Potatoes O'Brien which means small potatoes cut in
half and baked.
That was Round One.
The extra-tasty ham was talking to me and I don't know why.
It was sliced super-thin, which must've made the difference.
So when I went back for Round Two, I got more ham and more eggs and
a bowl of cranberries, strawberries, tiny blueberries and something
else - it was awesome!
On yeah, and I got a scoop of some kind purple yogurt that was really
That and a giant chocolate milk and we were in business!!
We were approaching 11AM and it was time to check in with the gang.
I thought about
seeing who wanted to meet at Sammy's Cabo Wabo. Since they were just
about to open,
we could get a great seat right on the Las Vegas Strip and enjoy cocktails
but I was already
kinda loopy and if we had cocktails from 11-1, then started a free-liquor
I'd be too drunk to go to the Pinball Museum after the poker game.
So we passed on Sammy's.
At 1PM, the eight of us from yesterday met up with Mike from New Hampshire
and poker happened.
This time, the winner was Tommy from Menlo Park, which means he's related
to Albert Einstein because
after an hour or so he had all the chips and the tournament was over.
I placed but I never won.
After Perkel won the first tourney, he turned
his winnings over to Michele who then paid everybody's
table fee at the game - basically freer-than-free
liquor - paying it forward with her gambling winnings!
Thanks again, Michele!
So it was back up to the room for more shots and more research on Floristics.
When our research was complete, we piled into cars and cabs and headed
to The Pinball Museum.
Mike from New Hampshire, setting a new high score on that machine
What's more exciting than a Multi-ball rush after some serious Floristics
We must've spent two hours there - good thing they didn't sell tequila
Then is was back to the PH to meet Bernie of Mega-Bartcop
dittoes, Pigboy fame.
Bernie was in town by accident, having planned his trip before we did
- weird, eh?
We did some shots, did some reasearch, then we met up with Don and Patti
who liked the place so much they bought a time-sharing condo.
Not sure how that works, but maybe they'll let us visit some time :)
By now it was 7-ish so we piled into a cab and headed for The
...where Boston Jane, The Wiseguy and Pontiac Tom all had rooms.
We also met up with Roo and the Hollywood Liberal and listened to some
while tall tales were being told - it was a lot like the band after-parties
We partied for a while but I couldn't stay late because, being the genius
that I am,
I booked our return flight at 8AM so we had to be at the aiport like
6AM which means
a 5:30 cab and I knew if I stayed out too late, I'd pay for it the
A special thanks to Pontiac Tom for the special favor he did for me.
We had tequila left over
that I refused to throw away so Tom agreed to drive it to Tulsa on
his way back to Michigan.
One last thing I wanted to mention... the attitude of the people at
this Fest was the best.
It was 100% positive from the very start. We all got along and everyone
and we all got to do a toast on Sunday when Obama's health care bill
Everybody had a smile on their faces from sunrise to crashing.
It changed the way I feel about having a Fest.
We had such a great time we're going to attempt Thanksgiving in Vegas.
Hotel prices are cheaper than dirt that week.
And if you sign up for a Southwest
Airlines Chase VISA, they'll give you a free
trip for two.
Ah, a couple of days in Vegas drowning in tequila, poker and Floristics.
Ain't nothing like it....
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