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Vol 148 - We'll ALWAYS Have Waco

Pigboy on Drugs

We're here live in Pigboy's third hour Thursday, Sept 2.

He's acting drunker than Cooter Brown.
He's acting drunker than Bob Dornan on election night.
He's acting drunker than Bob Packwood at a John Tower memorial.

Actually, my experience behind a bar tells me it's not alcohol.
He's not getting more drunk or less drunk as the hours go by.
That means he's eating time-release pain killers or muscle relaxers.

It's funny, he's slurring his words and speaking slowly and deliberately.
Then, he goes to a commercial and the old, fast-talking Rush sounds so different.

"Have we taken any calls this hour?  Huh?  We haven't?  Thought we did.
 I owe you peebel a quick get-to."

His ditto-logic isn't up to snuff, either,
Like a drunk, he's staying on his point loooooooong after we get the drift.
If he was pulled over by a cop, he wouldn't be allowed to proceed.

"Ladeees and ...gennelmin, Monica's ...mother, Bernar Lewinsky got a...
 what did she get, ...oh, a ledder  fom the democratic comm,  ...commitee
asking for... for munney, huh?

What?  ...I said what?
Oh, from Monica's mudder?  I mean fodder, ovviousleee"

Pigboy's on drugs, just like Governor Blow Monkey!

Uh-Oh, still listening to Herr Puerca, he just fell asleep!
Somebody shake the Pigboy, there's still 45 minutes to go!

ha ha



Now he's ragging on the Republicans!
He says they want big government to solve allllll their problems.

"We can't ask big gubment to solve aborshen!
 We can't ask big gubment to clean up Horrywood!
 We can't ask..."   then the caller cut him off.

The way he's chastising the hippocrits,
you'd think he was reading RL-LNW back issues!

So, when Pigboy gets drunk - he tells the truth?

Hey, look at the clock!
Rush's show lasted 3.5 hours today!

Now, we're in the last ten minutes.
Pigboy is denying his speech is slurred, even though he says he getting
"scores of people suggesting he get to a doctor immediately."

Hey, Pigboy, it gets worse than that!!

BartCop is taping you, you lying buck futter!!

ha ha

I'm giggling like it's my first beer watching the reels go 'round and 'round
on my tape machine while Rush denies he's slurring his words.

Pigboy is so busted!

ha ha

Rush just said, "My slurred speech is miffical!" (mythical)
and he's "getting sick and tired of all the calls."

Rush, this time I think you're right.
There's nothing wrong with your speech.
Those pills aren't affecting you at all.

I have a suggestion:  Go home and take about a dozen more pills
then wash them down with a quart of gin and take a long nap.

Take a really long damn nap,  you Nazi pig.

This whole Waco thing is back, thanks to the we-never-learn GOP.

Why do the Republicans always look backwards?
Shouldn't Gov. Blow Monkey weigh in with an opinion?
It happened in his state, and he leads the Throwback party these days.
I think Butch ought to take a stand - live or die by the endless inquiries.

Isn't that why Butch is leading the others right now?
Because he wasn't tainted by the never-ending Clinton Cock Hunt?

What the hell...

Just to be sure, once and for all, to clear the record,
maybe it IS a good idea to re-open Waco - to air the dirty laundry.


If we're going to re-open Waco, shouldn't we re-open Ruby Ridge?

If we did, would we find out that Gov. Blow Monkey's daddy gave the order for
F.B.I. sharp-shooter Lon Horiuchi to put a bullet in Randy Weaver's wife's brain?
Does former president Butch belong in prison for conspiracy and murder?

While we're at it, maybe we should give Iran-Contra another look-see.
Butch pardoned those guilty bastards to prevent a trail.

I wonder why?

While we're at it, let's go through Monica's troubles alllll over again.
And what would a trip back in time be without another OJ trial?

C'mon, America!
Let's look backwards!

What about the Kennedy assassination?
Do we really have all the facts?
Dr. Cyril Wecht has nagging autopsy questions that can't be ignored.
What about the Ruby tape?

How much of the Rosenburgs' trial was a sham for the cameras?
Were they innocent scapegoats?

What did FDR know about Pearl Harbor?
Was FDR given advance warning, only to ignore it so
we'd be "forced" to enter the fighting in World War II?

How did World War One start?
Oh, sure, lots of wild theories, just like Waco!
Can we, as a nation, move forward without the facts?

Did Booth really shoot Lincoln?
Could Booth get from Ford's Theater to Mudd's farm in 45 minutes?
Were there two Booths?

Witnesses said Booth broke his left leg.
So why did Dr Mudd set the other Booth's right leg?

...and don't get me started on Benedict Arnold!


The GOP has nothing for America's future, so they want to look to the past.
Old Bob Dole wanted to take America back to the fifties.
Today's GOP is content to wallow in 1993-1998 until the end of time.

Pigboy says "America has Clinton fatigue."
Maybe - or maybe they're just tired of the crap.

Five years and $50,000,000 and the Republican Sex Police found a blow job.

So let's re-live the Clinton years forever.
Why move forward, when we can wallow in the past?
I'll tell you why...

The GOP has the Red Ass from Clinton's boot all these years.
They can't let go of the hate.

It's all they've got.

Who REALLY stabbed Caesar?

Calling Hardon Kenneth!


How many times have I said this:
"Al Gore couldn't lose this election if he tried."

Well, he's trying.

Recently, Al Gore addressed a plank of the BartCop quiz.
He flunked.

Perhaps in the coming weeks and months, he will further explain
and clarify his seemingly insane position on the teaching of evolution.

It seems that Gore knows the difference between science and bullshit-wacko, religious insanity,
but he doesn't think the American school children should be taught that difference.

Mr. Gore, these children may grow up to be ditto-monkeys unless
they can get an education that differentiates between science and religious insanity.

Gore says the states should have the right to teach science-based
facts concerning evolution OR, if they want, teach fairy-tale. anecdotal bullshit.

In an effort to show the VP the folly of his ways,
I'm going to ask some very simple BartCop Quiz questions.

Don't tell me these questions, "could never happen."
I could bore you with a long list of could-never-happen
scenarios that have happened lately, but I won't.

Here's the quiz.

1. Can Idaho put up, "No Niggers in Idaho" signs at their borders
    with Montana, Idaho and Washington, Oregon and Utah?

    If not, why not, Al?
    What happened to states rights?

2. Can Texas make lynchings of Mexican-Americans a misdemeanor?
    If not, why not?

3. Can Mississippi make looking at a white girl's legs a crime for blacks?
    Don't they have that right as a state?

4. What if Arkansas makes the Age of Consent for girls ten years?
    Do they have that right, Al?

5. If the civilized states, California, New York, Illinois, Ohio etc want to
    legalize gay marriages, should they have that right?
    Isn't that their right as a state?

6. If the Earth was really created 6,000 years ago, when did the dinosaurs live?

   Al, you've got to right this wrong you have put forward.
   The federal government must control the lunatic states, Al.
   You'd think a Democratic VP would know that.

   Al, my old friend.
   I will not abandon you they way you've abandoned those kids.
   I'll stick with you unless you continue the insanity.

   But if you continue down the ditto-monkey path,
   at some point I'll have to take a look at Bradley.

   ...or Hillary.


Guest Rebuttal

>From Tina K

>I see you fell for the latest bit of Gore disinformation in the media.

Careful, that's almost like an attack :)

>Here's something that might clarify things a bit for you.

That, too, seems to suggest I need "straightening out."
It's been a while since I had a good "straightening."
Please proceed.

>WASHINGTON (AP) -- Vice President Al Gore says he wouldn't oppose public
>schools teaching creationism as part of a religion course, but he personally
>favors the teaching of evolution.


I assume we're talking about public schools.
Do they teach religion in public schools?

I can understand the Catholics teaching crazy crap in their schools.
They're privately funded, so they can teach whatever they want.

If we're talking about a class called, "The History of Religion,"
where dozens of faiths are discussed, fine.
Who could object to a history lesson?
I don't think that's what Gore was talking about.

>"Gore bases his opinion on court rulings that allow the teaching of creationism
>as part of a religious course but not as a science," a spokesman said.

>"They may teach creationism in the context of a religious course" - that is clearly up to
>the local districts to decide,'' Gore spokesman Alejandro Cabrera said Thursday.

Again, they teach religion in public schools?

>"The vice president favors the teaching of evolution in public schools,'' Cabrera said.

>"Obviously that decision should and will be made at the local level and
>localities should be free to decide their own curriculum,'' he said.

That brings you and he right back to my six questions.

What if Idaho wants a "No Niggers" law?
What if Arkansas makes the Age of Consent for a girl ten years old?

Does Gore support the locals or not?
Can he have it both ways?

What the hell is this?


Do you have a Black-Eyed Pea near your home?

I do, and we made the mistake of going there.
The Pea used to be a nice, little, home-style kind of restaurant,
but then Pepsi or ADM or somebody bought them and fucked it all up.

Last night we ate there and I pulled this out of my mashed potatoe.
It's about 3/4 inches tall and the width and depth are lifesize, as you can see above.

I won't eat there again.


Nine days to go...


Somewhere, there are photos of Bob Barr licking whipped cream
off the more-than-ample bosom of a sheditto-headette in Georgia.

I hereby post a reward for this photo.

The amount of the reward will depend on the clarity of the picture,
and the exactness of what the picture actually captured.

Maybe our friends at AMPOL have a clue where to look?

Armey the Foul-mouthed Dick strikes again.  (w/Update)

Let's talk about the Puerto Rican pardons Clinton offered.

Who the hell knows how these things work?
Bill Press said the following things unopposed on Crossfire.

On Crossfire, when you make a claim and it's not challenged by the two resident
ditto-monkeys, that means the statement is either true or the Republicans are
too damn stupid or don't have the balls to call his bluff.

Press said, "None of these Puerto Ricans were personally involved
with violence, they were only charged with stealing cars."

Press also said, "On the average, presidential pardons take years,
and in this case it's been under review for six years."

There's not much I'd put past Clinton, but if these people are non-violent
and it's been in-the-pipeline for six years, it would take a flaming ditto-monkey
to assign wild motives to the offer of clemency.

So let's get back to the Foul-mouthed Dick.

Here's his bullshit attack on our president:

"It's a peculiar position for the president to take in opposition to the people that
 have the knowledge, the information and the authority to make the recommendation."

Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit, you lying Dick.

There are so many examples, I'll just grab a few off the top of my head,
so don't quote me and reprint this in your local paper without checking the facts yourself.

A. Governor Blow Monkey just signed legislation in Texas to permit the carrying of
     concealed weapons over the objections of the Texas Police Chief's Association.

     Gov. Blow Monkey wanted to score points with the McVeigh wing of
     the GOP so he ignored the police chiefs and said, "I want to do this."

     Did the Foul-mouthed Dick have a problem with that?
     Did Dick want the panel of expert's recommendations followed?

B. Ed Meese, Red-Ink Reagan's personal defense attorney, at Reagan's request,
     commissioned a years-long study of the "dangers of pornography."
    When the report came back, after the experts looked deeeeep into the "problem"
    of pornography, they came to the conclusion that pornography, per se,
    was actually harmless, and it definitely wasn't a big problem.

   (Don't blame me - blame Meese's Commission.)

    Reagan/Meese said, "That's bullshit," and threw the report away.
    I remember that clearly, because Meese stood in front of a naked statue
    to make the announcement that "nudity and porno were indeed very harmful,
    so screw what the panel of experts said."

    Did the Foul-mouthed Dick have a problem with that?
    Did Dick want the panel of expert's recommendations followed?

C. Beirut, one of the pillars of BartCop-ism.
    When our Marines invaded Beirut in the mid-eighties, and let's all remember how much
    the GOP loves those wild, military interventions in hopelessly lost causes like Beirut
    when a forgetful, half-asleep Ronald McDonald-type idiot is Commander-in-Chief.

    Reagan's Joint Chiefs wanted those Marines to stay on ships, where they could be protected.
    Reagan's political advisors thought it would be "more symbolic,"
    if our young men stayed on land, and we lost 240 of them.

   Reagan's direct interference cost 240 Marines their lives.

    Did the Foul-mouthed Dick have a problem with that?
    Did Dick want the panel of expert's recommendations followed?
    Did the Dick have a problem with 240 dead Marines?
    Did the Foul-mouthed Dick call for hearings?

D. Here's the kill shot:

    The Dick thinks we should listen to the experts?
    The people with the "knowledge and the information?"

    He's a lying son-of-a-bitch.

    Let's take the example of a young woman who is extremely interested in improving the
    education system in America, and willing to spend her life to reach that goal.

    She graduates with straight A's from high school.
    She goes to a good college and gets her degree in Education.
    Then she stays in school and gets a doctorate in Education.

    Then, because of her credentials, she's hired by the Clinton administration to
    submit her opinions on the best ways to improve our education system.

    This is a dedicated woman with the "knowledge and the information,"
    to offer real, effective changes to help children learn more.

    So what happens then?

    Armey the Foul-mouthed Dick, and Pigboy the Nazi Dropout and the other ignorant
    members of the Simian Collective get together and vow to dismantle the Department
    of Education because "those pointy-headed Harvard elites don't have a clue."

    Does Dick want the panel of expert's recommendations followed?

    Recently, The Foul-Mouthed Dick was on Meet the Whore with Tim the Catholic.
    Armey said, "We've got to have a big tax cut, and right now!"

    Timmy asked, "How you gonna pay for that, Dick?"

    The Dick thought for a second, (ha ha) and said,
    "We can take the money out of Education."

    Of course, he took it back the next day, when nobody was listening,
    but we all know what ditto-monkeys think about "the experts."

    Now, is there anyone left standing that thinks the Dick in sincere?
    Or is this just another in a long fucking line of bullshit attacks
    on the best president we've ever had?

    I'll let you decide...


>The right wing wackos are upset about Clinton going after the Waco cop killers,
>AND they're angry at Clinton for offering clemency to the Puerto Ricans who were
>members of an organization who had cop killers among its members?

>So, killing cops is not as bad as being members of an organization?
>Sounds like creation-logic to me.

>The murderers who shot cops under Clinton are praised as "innocent people of faith,"
>but those who were in an organization that included cop killers under other presidents
>should be put in jail and the key thrown away?

(Co-written by John Brady)

Koresh, help me.

The Pig is driving me, and his audience f-ing crazy.
For the last two days, what has he been focused on?

When the Clintons buy their house in NewYork,
they have to be sure the dish washing machine works.
What if the seller says it works, but it doesn't?

They'll need a washer-dryer, but what if it leaks?
They may have to call somebody to have it repaired.

They'll need knives and forks, and pots and pans.
They'll need tables and chairs.
They'll need beds and linens, too.

They can get by with paper plates and used jelly jars for glasses,
but how long can that last?

on and on and on and on with this stupid bullshit that isn't funny and makes no sense.
If there's a punchline to this not-funny joke, he never got to it Monday, and he hasn't gotten to it today.

Has the Pig finally lost his warped mind?
I understand syphilis, in it's final stages, destroys the mind?
Does Rush Limba have advanced syphilis?

I would much rather hear him talk about the Clinton Body Count,
or his other new-found bit about, "Since Clinton is a known druggie,
its OK if we elect a former druggie like Butch, even if it was a felony."

Please, Pigboy.

Get back to the lies, the personal insults, the White House dog jokes and the racial slurs.
If it gets to where Ol' BartCop can't listen to you,
you'd better give up your urine-colored microphone.

Maybe he sees it all ending when Clinton leaves office,
so he's getting duller than Dan Quayle's Play-Doh knife to prepare us.

Did you see "This Whore" with George Steppinoffacliff?

They profiled a New Hampshire ditto-monkey focus group.
What were their findings?

No mention at all of Ronald Reagan.
Every caveman and Bag O' Hairspray sees themselves as "the next Reagan,"
even though nobody in the focus group is thinking of Old Red-Ink.

Then they asked about Clinton.
The ditto-monkey focus group predictably used words like,
liar, politician, slick, had the audacity to have sex, etc.

Then the name of this man came up.

The focus group used words like, bad, traitor, cheater, discredited scumbag
to describe the former Squeaker of the House.

According to This Whore, that's why Gov Blow Monkey is/was so popular.
Reagan's spend-America-to-death policies have been discredited by Clintonomics.
Gingrich's family-values, re-defining America horseshit turned out to be just a horn-dog sham,
and the once-proud GOP is left desperate for a hero.

According to the ditto-monkey focus group, they're saying,
"Please, somebody, anybody stand up and tell us what we stand for."

Butchie did that, but now he's got a cocaine monkey on his back!

ha ha

I can't believe how much fun the next 15 months are going to be.


a quick quote from the same show.

"Right after the â92 election, Republicans were angry at President Bush.
 They thought he frittered away the Reagan legacy, the Reagan inheritance.
 Bush lost the White House to Clinton. And in â94, Republicans ran as Reagan
 Republicans, not as Bush Republicans. If you go back and look at Governor
 George W. Bushâs speeches in â94 or Jeb Bushâs speeches, they cited Reagan
 more than they cited their own father."

  --Bill Kristol, Dan Quayle's former Chief of Staffe.



>I just gotta know...what's up with Paul Harvey & sex with a horse?

 In 1994, Paul Harvey said, "another Clinton victim has been murdered."
 He said, "Jerry Falwell needs to update his Clinton Body Count tape."

 He's an insane, AM ditto-tang with an opinion.
 That's today's America.

 Then, in the 96 campaign, he pissed me off.  He said,
 "When you saw Bob and Elizabeth Dole holding hands at the GOP Convention,
 that was TRUE LOVE."

 "Next week, you're going to see Bill and Hillary hold hands.

  Bill does NOT love Hillary."


  The dirty, son-of-a-bitch...

  That's not his opinion, understand, he's stating that as a fact.
  He's just like the Dirty Pigboy.
  Paul Harvey speaks with talent on loan from God.
  If Paul Harvey said it, it MUST be true.

  No matter what happened with Monica, no man can speak for another.
  ( I think Spock said that first.)

  Unless Bill or Hillary TOLD him it was a sham marriage,
  and how likely is that...,'s a fucking HUNCH on Harvey's part.

  Is that how it works?

  A fucking HUNCH?

  Remember when Woodward and Bernstein needed TWO sources?
  Paul Harvey needs NO sources.
  He has a fucking hunch, instead.

  A hunch is as good as a fact?
  Is that the way the game is played, Mr. Harvey?

  Since "hunches" are now substituted as facts, since that shit is now accepted as a fact,
by the "You-decide" Fox Network, CNN, CBS, "Backdoor" Bettina Gregory etc.,

  ......I have a "hunch" Paul Harvey has sex with horses.

 My source is the same as his source for the Clinton "sham marriage."

See how the game is played, Mr. Harvey?
Is that why you refuse to sue me when I say you force horses into having sex with you?
Because it's all true, Mr. Harvey?

Is that not a fact, Mr. Harvey?

 ha ha

I felt a little like Harold Ickes for a moment there...

(I have a KILLER Harold Ickes story coming.
 He's sharper than Doc Meng's tongue on an unwed mother.)

I'm making an outrageous accusation without the tiniest SHRED of evidence
to make the point that shouldn't the accuser at least have a f-ing shred?

 Wouldn't America be stronger if you have to have a shred?

 Harvey says Bob Dole's love is "legit," if he would know.

   "...but Clinton only "pretends" to love Hillary."

Paul Harvey is a WHORE GETTING PAID!
(And if  that's not right, why won't he shut me up?)

Break for a drink...

  Fast-forward to today, August 30, 1999.
  Swear to Koresh, I stopped the car to write this down.

  Paul I'll-sell-my-ass-for-a-dollar Harvey said this:

  The rest of this year.....
  and all of next year.....

  we Americans will be grappling...

  we will be grappling with vexing moral questions...

  ...questions about our elected leaders.


 You sick, lying, hypocritical, horse-lover!

  You made that shit up!

  When Clinton got a blow job it was "the difference between right and wrong."
  Things are REAL goddamn clear to you when a Democrat is accused.



  butt now that we know that YOUR boy is caught in a felony,

  ...we should all struggle with the vexing moral questions?

 Jesus Christ!

 If anyone buys this,

...I ....I can't live here anymore.

 Like that girl on Friends says,  "OH..... my...... God."

 Can they REALLY be that f-ing dense?

 Clinton cheated on his wife.
 That's awful.

 Butch committed a goddamn felony that he put 13,000 others in prison for.
 It wasn't a simple blow job.

 It was a goddamn Texas felony.

 Say it, "FEL-O-NEE!"

The Law and Order party has made a nifty transition in the last 90 days.
Now, they're the, "What's so bad about cocaine?" party.

 ...and Harvey the horse-molester is "grappling with the vexing question?

Paul Harvey = For-Sale Whore at age 98

 I'm sorry, but right now I feel like the most honest man in America.
 That doesn't seem right.

This has to be the funniest page I've seen in 1999.

Mrs. BartCop was not amused.

Great Quotes

"It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God,
 but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.  If such a board actually exists,
 it operates precisely like the board of a corporation that is losing money."
     - H.L. Mencken

The Tequila Report

The liquor store in my neighborhood is a big one,
so a few weeks ago I asked to speak with the tequila expert.
This was the weekend after the Sammy Hagar fiasco.

I didn't want to spend 1999 searching for the best-tasting tequila,
so I asked him to recommend a few, choice applicants to save time.

Y'know, if you ask 100 people to name a fine tequila, I'll bet
90 percent would say, "Jose Cuervo," because of that stupid song.

The expert told me Jose Cuervo was fifty-one percent tequila,
and forty-nine percent vodka.

Can you believe that?

You know they're not using Grey Goose, either.
They probably use Barton's or some ultra-discount,
cheap-ass vodka that's half the price of gasoline.

Jose Cuervo - putting vodka in their Tequila. is breaking this story right now!

Jose Cuervo puts vodka in their tequila!

Koresh, when I owned those bars, I could've been arrested for mixing
vodka with tequila. They have funny liquor laws in Oklahoma.

Sidebar: Liquor by the drink was illegal in Oklahoma when I bought my first bar.
Swear to Koresh, the only legal way to drink liquor in a restaurant was to bring your own!

Then you pay the bartender $6 to mix his Coke with your Crown.
Or, if you enjoy Rock Island Teas, you're supposed to travel to
a fine steakhouse with a bottle of Grey Goose, and a bottle of
fine tequila and pay Joe the Bartender to mix it.

So what did we do?
We wrote famous names on the bottles, so if Ken Starr came in, the people drinking
at the bar would be John Wayne, Joe Walsh, Jimi Hendrix, Alice Copper and Jimmy Page.

End of Sidebar.

So, Liquorboy suggested I try the Conquistador Anejo.
It came in a semi-regular, brown bottle with a long neck.
(No book, tho.)

It seems the trick is to get the 100 percent Blue Agave,
or Agave Azul, as they say in the old country.

As previously stated, it was a home run in my opinion.
Conquistador Tequila is a fine, fine blanket in a bottle.
As long as you get the 100 percent blue agave, you're there, dude.
It cost about $30 for a 750.

The next Saturday, I tried the Tenoch Tequila.
It was 100 percent blue agave, of course.

It comes in a striking, light green pottery jug, with dark green agave leaves hugging the sides.
It had a book, but I lost it.

Shit, the jug is a show all on it's own.
Two of the leaves flare out to form a handle.
Next time you're at a big, fancy liquor store,
check out the look of that jug even if you're there to buy beer.

There are many unique features on this jug.
The top comes off like a canteen top, forming a shot glass.
This shot glass holds a big-ass shot, I'd say 2.5 ounces.

Warning two!
Since you can't see through the pottery jug,
you can't tell how much you've ingested.
Boy, was I surprised when I discovered I was out!

The Tenoch Tequila was $35, but it's worth it.
Great, full-bodied flavor and a fine jug, to boot.

The next Saturday we tried the Alcatraz Tequila.
Koresh, you should see this Alcatraz bottle.
It looks just like the Trans-America Building in San Francisco.
Tall, skinny pyramid with the penthouse suites at the top.

It's clear glass with frosted sides and gold trim.
It's got a doorknob-sized top that could choke Monica Lewinsky.

Seriously, the next time you get a chance, check out this bottle.
It's the most impressive bottle I've seen, but we don't buy it for the bottle,
we buy the 100 percent blue agave inside.

On the back is a gold Calla Lily flower, which, when mixed with
the blue agave plant does something. Sorry, my ADD flared up again.
On the back on the bottle they tell the story of a young maiden,
yeah, yeah, the battle, the hero, etc.

Hey, I'm sold on the steak.
I don't need the sizzle.

When you get the Alcatraz tequila home, you have to strip off the protective prophylactic,
then unscrew the top, then deflower the protective membrane under the cap to allow the
pourer to flow freely. Then you try real hard to re-apply the poorer, again and again,

...and at that point I got impatient and just started pouring shots.

As you know, I can find fault with anything.
But this 100 percent blue agave stuff is flawless so far, except for Sammy Hagar.
His bottle says "100 percent agave."

Hey, Sammy!
I Guess it has to be blue agave for it to work.

So, remember it's the 100 percent blue agave that counts.
The Conquistador, the Alcatraz, the Tenoch Tequila, they're all fine tequilas.

You can't go wrong with any of them.

Accept no substitutes.

Pictures from the Archives

Here's a picture you may not have seen before.

President Ronald Reagan invented the phony photo op, even if they didn't always go right.
In 1983, Reagan was toadying to the press, having them witness this group
giving him a medal for this, and that group giving him a plaque for that.
The press was bored with these staged, corn-fed, hayseed-bullshit presentations, until...

It was Lorraine Wagner's turn to present a gift to Ronald Reagan.
Lorraine Wagner was a little old lady from Chicago. (see picture)

She was president of the "Keep Chicago Litter-Free" committee, so she was there
to present Reagan with a hand-painted "Keep the White House Litter-Free" trash can.

Suddenly, she raised her voice and said,
"Mr. President, please take your goddamn racism,
and your screw-the-poor, voodoo-economic bullshit,
and your monsterously-overblown homophobia and
dump that shit right in here, please,  ....Mr. President."

Secret Service agents tackled her from two sides, breaking her back.
She was driven to Walter Reed in a 1980 Regal, and admitted under a fake name.
The reporters in the room were threatened with death if they printed any mention
of the verbal assault or the back-breaking while Lorraine Wagner was still alive.
She has been under the "protection" of the secret service since that day.

Ms. Wagner died early this morning.



Subject: Where is Clarence Darrow when we need him?

Weird thing occured to me...

The fact that we still have a large number of people who accept as fact the
creationalist theory of the universe (God made everything in 7 days 6000 years ago)
totally ignoring all the evidence to the contrary suggests that the Theory of Evolution is bunk,

....since the majority of our species refuses to evolve.

Ranting Wacko

ha ha

That's perfect!
I wish I'd thought of that

Dennis Clark, a biology teacher at Alf Landon High School in Topeka, Kansas was arrested
again and is being held without bail for angering a circuit judge in Kansas City.

Clark was taped saying, "Birds are hatched from eggs laid by their mother."
This is contrary to Kansas law which says, "God gave us the birdies to sing His praise."

Fred Phelps, who runs the web site said,
"Clark is own his own this time. Everybody knows birds are God-given."

By the way,
if you visit you can see a list of religions who allow, "fag members."

You can also see a list of religions who ordain, "non-practicing fags."

You can also see a list of religions who ordain, "practicing fags."

You can also see a list of religions who perform, "fag marriages."

Catholics only bat .500 on the Fred Phelps hit list.

Some e-mail I sent:

From: Bart Cop <>


Subject: Can I get a link?

Hi, Matt.

I have a political humor page, updated hourly.
Please consider me for a link.
You're the tops!


I get a whole lot of good stuff from Eric Schimek.

A recent favorite is the keywords used by David Duke's website,

Among Duke's chosen keywords are:

white race, Confederacy, Rebel flag, Pat Buchanan, nationalism, revolution, GOP,
right wing, militia, Rush Limbaugh, conservative politics, MENSA, (ha ha) NAAWP,
tits, (huh?) race war, conservative, GOP, (in case the first one failed)  republican,
intelligence, (ha ha) racial differences, intelligence, (make him stop) and racism

I think that pretty much spells things out...

Pigboy, the GOP and David Duke - peas in a pod

Great Kansas Education cartoon here

VCR Alert

Sunday night on Showtime, check your TV Guide

Strange Justice  the story of Clarence "Slappy " Thomas.

Rush says this show is full of lies and distortions,
so that means it's probably fact-filled and Pigboy can't stand that.

Pretty interesting reading at

This guy's no fool...

Friday, Rush cited a poll that said 84 percent don't care
if our next president has a serious cocaine problem.

Remember how outraged they were when Clinton said he tried pot?
Remember how outraged they were when Clinton said "boxers and briefs?"
Remember how outraged they were when Clinton played the saxophone on Arsenio?

...and now?

Now we have a Blow Monkey leading the party of Law and Order?
Now we have a Blow Monkey leading the party of the Christian right?
We have an admitted cocaine felon wanting to be president
while 13,000 poorer cocaine cowboys are in Texas prisons?

Hey, GOP, are you guys kidding?

Where's Bob Dole?
Where's the outrage?
Is this the dumbing down of morality in America?
Are we on that slippery slope?
You guys were really worried about America's moral decline last year.

I don't hear you cackling this year.
Why is that?

These days, GOP stands for Gorillas on Powder.

Friday, Rush called it, "Butch's mythical cocaine use."
Pigboy, I think it's the Shrub's presidency that's mythical.

...and this is only allegation number one!

Wait until they see the picture of Butchie's little habenero!

Please, God, let this idiot win.
Mrs. BartCop is already looking at houses.

I found an old Laura Schlessinger date card.
It has her rates posted in plain English, to avoid confusion.

Conversation       One beer every five minutes
Kissing                 One shot of raspberry schnapps
Petting (top)         One shot of discount tequila
Petting  (below)    Two shots discount tequila

Licking Fingers      Add $10
Sucking Fingers     Add $30
Hand job                 Add $40
Monica                   Add $75

Laura on top          Add $100
Missionary            Add $60
Doggie style          Add $75
Half and half          Add $100
Girl on Girl           Add $2
Anal sex                Add $200
(Not available after Mexican food)

Moaning                                Add $5
Screaming                             Add $10
Spanking you                        Add $25
Spanking Laura                    Add $150
Ball gag on you                     Add $30
Ball gag on Laura                 Add $2500
Cheerleader Costume          Add $80
Bo Peep Costume                 Add $75
Tarzan/Jane Costumes         Add $100
Nancy Reagan Mask          Add $600
Margaret Thatcher Mask    Add $125
Jon Benet Mask                  Add $300
Fake orgasm                         Add $30
Real orgasm                          Add $75

All rates based on half hour increments
Whips, chains, ropes, straps, handcuffs, white satin scarfs
and leather parachute harness available for a small hook up fee

Videotape of the encounter $10
Discounts for uncircumsized Palestinians
Laura reserves the right to refuse sex to overweight Republicans

Pictures Available at
No Condoms
No Smokers
No Refunds

Y'know, if you ever wanted to help out, it would be nice if somebody could save
these pages in case I screw up again and lose a goddamn month of work.

I can't make my own copies, because I sometimes update a page 10 times a day,
and I'd go crazy comparing ten versions of The Latest, ten versions of Butch Watch etc.

It would be a no-pay kind of job, like what America had during the Reagan years,
but it would really come in handy the next time I hit the wrong button.

Rush spent most of Friday (August 27) whining about Waco.
Typical Pigboy ambush with half-truths, omissions, lies and distortions.

He was whining about the Delta Force guys being there.
He kept asking, over and over,
"What did the Delta Force expect to learn?"

Hey, asshole!
Did you ever think they might be there to teach?
Those Delta Force boys aren't kidding around.

Goddamn, you're a stupid mother-effer, Rush.

He kept on and on and on and on about the horrible death the religious people suffered.
He said Koresh and his religious followers were "just like" the pilgrims and
the founding fathers of our country.

That's true.

The Mayflower was loaded with AK-47's and Kevlar-piercing bullets.

Hey, Pigboy!

Years ago, you admitted that Vern started the goddamn fire.
I heard you admit that myself.
So why are you lying about that now?

To hear Pigboy tell the tale, Vern and his innocents were in a circle praying when
Janet Reno's tanks suddenly kicked in the walls with flame-throwers.

Then the unconscionable bastard had this question:

How many kids died in Littleton?
How many kids died at Waco?
Twenty four?

Rush, you're an ignorant son-of-a-bitch, you know that?

Your ditto-monkeys in Colorado didn't give their victims 55 days
to leave the high school, you lying mother-effer.

Your ditto-monkeys in Colorado didn't watch helplessly
as the kids there CHOSE to fucking die, you ignorant prick!

Of course, Rush didn't bother to clarify that the cannisters were fired
at a different goddamn building 6 hours before Vern set fire to those kids.

No, in the more-God, less-education ditto-monkey universe,
facts will only confuse the sheep, so just give them half the story.

Rush knows the pro-Koresh, pro-McVeigh crowd is his bread and butter.
He looooooooooves to whip, whip, whip them into an anti-government frenzy.

Then, when they explode, like ditto-monkeys always do, Rush says,
"How in the world can you blame me for this?"

Goddamn, I'd like to take him hunting sometime...

I'm not exactly sure what we have here.
It seems to be a home page for Radio Station KOAM in Pennsylvania.

They carry Howard Stern, and they don't like imposters.
They have a Captain Janks tribute, which is cool.
Captain Janks is the king of prank calls.

These folks don't like a lot of people,
but they did have something nice to say about RL-LNW.

Matter of fact, they said it twice.

For no reason, click on

From the Tipper Gore Appreciation Page

Curtis Mayfield and Governor Blow Monkey explain the truth
about how long it's been since Butch blew a little blow in Eargasm 25

Y'know, I've driven cars in lots of cities.

It's not that I'm particularly well-traveled, it's just that I'm old.
I've driven in Chicago, Cleveland, Pittsburg, Boston, Buffalo, New York,
(briefly, because I had The Baby with me) Memphis, Washington DC,
(there's a story there, trust me) Denver, Dallas, Houston, LA, San Fran, Seattle, etc.

Some cities have distinctive driving quirks.

In St. Louis, where I grew up, there are tens of thousands of Stop signs.
In St. Louis, you roll thru a Stop sign, because there are so many.

In Las Vegas, you have to watch your ass.
First time I went to Vegas, my friend warned me.

If you're sitting at a red light, and it turns green,
you have to count to three before you hit the gas
because in Las Vegas, they have a "three second" rule.

If you get to a light three seconds after it turned red,
you still have carte blanche to run that mother.

Sure enough, our first weekend in Vegas our lives were spared.
The light turned green, and I started counting.
At the count of two, a guy blew thru the intersection in front of us.
He would've cut our car in half.

In Sedona, Arizona, home of the magic-rock-renting ditto-monkeys,
they pull out in the street half-way and force you to let them in.

You're driving down the street, the main drag in Sedona, and some Republican is
four-goddamn feet into your lane, and you have to yield to the encroacher or lose your car.

What choice do you have?
Ask somebody who's been to Sedona.
It's not like a one-time thing.
You drive one mile on the main drag and you'll have six cars encroach.

But, the all-time classic has to be Dallas.
In Dallas, there are NO speed limits.
On top of that, they have 160 miles of Interstate Highway.

I've done Dallas at least once a year for twenty years,
and there's nothing like Dallas, Texas.

Say it, ..."Dallas, Texas."

The Interstate Loop around Dallas?
It's the fucking wild, wild west.

I've had some of the best fun of my life on the Dallas I-loop.
Swear to Koresh, you do 55, and your life is in danger.
Butt, if you do 80, you can weave and bob from one lane to the next,
and you have an almost-free, thrill-packed adventure on your hands.

There's nothing else like it.
It's the Southern Indy.

Please, please, somebody write in and tell me that the
Dallas city cops enforce the speed limit in that town.

I don't drink and drive anywhere, but I damn sure don't drink and drive in Dallas,
because Mrs. BartCop knows how much goddamn fun I have playing Jeff Gordon.

If you ever thought about racing at Indy - start with Dallas.
Drive a Dallas rush hour when you have to go to the bathroom, sometime.
I'm not sure life gets any more intense than that.

The Dallas Interstate Speedway is a boatload of fun.



now it's time everyone refreshed their drink.
We're trying to get to a punchline here,
and it would be so much funnier if you'd have that last drink...

OK, we get to Knuckledrag, Oklahoma.

Like I say, I've driven every-goddamn-where.
(Where are my ediotrs?
 Is goddamn-where a word?)

Chicago, Nashville, LA, Little Rock, Seattle, Washington, Phoenix, Memphis...
I've driven in all the civilized tribe territories,


Swear to Koresh, Knuckledrag, Oklahoma is the ONLY place
where the Inhofe voters stop at a goddamn green light.

It's a goddamn green light!
In Oklahoma, they stop at green lights!

I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

I know I make too much of this,
but they stop at the goddamn green lights in Knuckledrag.

You're driving along, doing 35 or 40 miles an hour
and you're approaching an intersection, and the light is green,
and it's been green for a half minute or so, but in Knuckledrag,
they hit the brakes at the green light in case it might turn yellow!

Make them stop doing that!

I live in a city of green-light stoppers.

I can't stand it!
I'm losing it.
I don't know how much more of this I can take!!

Regular readers know I've mentioned this several times.
It's not funny, it's just so goddamn stoopid.
It's also very revealing about the friendly people of Oklahoma.

Why would I repeat a non-funny bit if it wasn't fucking true?

(Blood pressure now 190/120)

 Grab your ass, boy.

 Be calm...

 Do a shot of Conquistador tequila...
 Think of a balmy meadow...

 ...a warm spring day...

...a pretty blonde in a short skirt...

 Yes, ... yes, ... I'm a little better now...

...big exhale...

Greenlights aren't worth it...



... I'm going into my pyramid to think...

Update on the Kansas school teacher

(see below)

There's a new Eargasm, Number 24 that's pretty funny.

James Carville and Rush agree on a lot of things...

Friday August 27th, Rush flat-out declared,

"There was no child abuse at wacko, ... I mean Waco."

Gee, I wonder if the Nazi Pigboy is lying?

Perhaps MORE importantly,
why does he always say, "wacko" when he talks about Waco?

Do you know why?
Because he's just like I always said he was.

He's not in this for the politics.
He's not in this for the honesty.
He's not in this to better America's future.

He's making a goddamn bank deposit, you ignorant ditto-monkeys!

He knows Koresh was a nutboy loon.
But Koresh and McVeigh put Pigboy on the map.
The extreme right-wing is who feeds Pigboy and Dr. Laura.

Remember a few weeks ago, after JFK Jr. died, Rush said,
"He could walk on water, he just couldn't fly over it?"
Then he went on to praise him for three hours.

I said at the time, and you can check the record if I didn't erase it,
like I did the last month of "The Latest."

Rush didn't mean to slur JFK Jr., there,
but he's such a vindictive puta that he just can't help it.

Have you heard him refer to Bob Dole as, "Viagra Bob?"

He's not trying to be a disgusting prick,
even tho he's exceeding beyond his wildest dreams,
he just can't help not being a disgusting prick.

It's who he is.


Remember the very first witness at the Waco hearings?
She was a 14-year old girl who talked about Vern raping her and her mother
and how Vern taught classes on the best way to commit suicide.

That drove the Republicans crazy.
They thought they were going to make Clinton look stupid.

Since most Americans saw that testimony, or highlights of it,
why would the Nazi Pigboy now claim it never happened?

Could it be because.... he's a whore?

Oh, shit!

I hit a wrong button somewhere and lost most of "The Latest."
Looks like I lost several weeks, if not a month.

Any chance someone kept a recent copy?

Fuck it.

If someone kept a copy, fine.
If not, I'll just get my agave azul and write something new.

I've been getting complaints about my whining about Mindspring's mail problems

Hey, when communication is severed, people have a right to know.
That's my whole bitch with Mindspring.
I know shit happens, and things don't always work.
But their silence, their refusal to own up to the problem is what pisses me off.

It reminds me of a Yogi Berra-ism.

So many people e-mailed me,
I don't get e-mail anymore


Got a lot of hits yesterday...

I'm sure a lot of it is due to Kevin Cunningham's great cartoons.
He's got another one about Governor Blow Monkey.

Click Here

Marianne Gingrich, once married to this man, has asked a judge to freeze their assets.

She says that thieving scumbag transferred "substantial portions" of their assets
just prior to filing for divorce.

Isn't Snoot the bastrado who coined the phrase, "Character is important?"

...and you religio-ditto-monkeys fell for it.

Rush said a funny...

Starting his third hour Thursday, he said,

"I'm pouring myself a nice glass of Diet Raspberry Snapple. goes great with cocaine!"

ha ha

Rush pulled a funny.

Breaking News...  (with Update)

Dennis Clark, a biology teacher at Alf Landon High School in Topeka, Kansas was arrested
in front of his students for alledgedly teaching that caterpilars evolve into butterflies.

"It looks bad for him," said his attorney Marty Schottenheimer, Jr.
"Some ditto-monkey students pulled a Linda Tripp on him and  taped the poor bastard.
 His students set him up," set the exasperated attorney.

Police would not speak on the record, but sources within the police department say
students also gave police a second tape from last week. In the second, more incriminating tape,
Clark is alledged to have said "tadpoles evolve into frogs."

Clark was held without bail.

BARTCOP: You will be happy to know that I have finally been allowed to make bail.

It seems as if a certain F. Phelps helped me. He told the police and the DA that
he had personally witnessed (can I get an Amen) the  conversion of a wooden puppet
into a living boy. It seems he was watching a certain Disney movie and started feeling
a certain part of his anatomy turning to wood.

Convinced that if he did not do something fast,
GOD would complete the process and turn him into an Oak tree.

He came to the conclusion to bail me out to show GOD that he did
indeed have an open mind concerning Evolution.

GOD immediately made the Wood go away, or was that Fred's wife
entering the room, GOD does work in mysterious ways.

I'll be back in my classroom on Monday.

Of course I'll have to pat the little fuckers down and search their
backpacks for tape recorders, but that is the price they pay for progress.
My legal defense fund has been set up at the 1st Topeka National Bank.

call 1-800-IEV-OLVE to donate.


PS. If the school system won't have me,
      I might go into politics.

Frank Keating, acting governor of the Oklahoma Territories, called the legislature into an
emergency session to vote on changing Oklahoma's state vegetable to the baked potatoe.

"Gentlemen, we weren't elected to sit here and do nothing," said Keating.

"We were sent here to enact meaningful legislation.   We've got to protect our
 phony-baloney jobs," thereby getting several unrequested harrumfs from Republicans.

Look at the dirty whores now...   (Update below)

The F.B.I. "admits" they used two flammable tear gas cannisters at Waco.

Big story, right?

The F.B.I. said they fired two cannisters at a different building six hours before Vern's
religiously-insane self-immolation, and CNN thinks that's the hottest goddamn story of the year.


CNN and the Dallas Morning Whore think they've got the Scoop of the Century.  has more credibility than the Dallas Morning Whore.
BartCop after a bottle of tequila has more dignity than the Dallas Morning Whore.


Now I'm really pissed off.
While Janet Reno is giving her press conference, the whore network, CNN, is playing video
of Vern's burning building behind her as though Janet Reno was confessing to f-ing arson!.

Hey, CNN - EAT ME!

Six hours earlier, two cannisters were fired at a different building.
Jesus, you might as well play the Zapruder film or show the Hindenburg crashing.

You dirty whores!

CNN is such shit, they would replay video of Willie Horton raping Ted Turner's mom
again and again and again if they thought their ratings would rise .05 percent.

Gutless, spineless, money-grubbing whores.

...and that stupid Nazi Pigboy puta claims CNN stands for the Clinton News Network,
"where they always bend over backwards to give the pro-Clinton spin."

Yeah, Pigboy, that's right.
That's why they've led the Clinton Cock Hunt for 18 goddamn months.

I need a drink.

What happened to Rush's step-kids?
Wednesday, he was worrying about Hurricane Dennis.

"It's heading towards northern Florida.
 That's where I live.
 That's where my house is.   (Duh!)
 That's where my wife is.
 That's where my kitty cat is."

No mention of Marta's kids.

Seems like theye were 12 and 14 when he got married.
I don't think they can be in college, yet.

Did Rush ship them off somewhere?
Did they run away?

Was it because of the abuse?
Was it because they couldn't stand Adolph as their father?
Maybe they were tired of getting attached to their pet gerbils,
only to have them disappear when Uncle Bob and Uncle Slappy came over.

Maybe they had the courage to say "No," to Neo-Nazism
and went to live with their non-fascist real father. I've said before, if Rush was my Daddy,
my name would be Eric or Lyle.

I'm Catholic.

Every now and then,
I feel the need to ......confess.

Yep, it's another BartCop confession.

I need your support here, I need your strength.
I, BartCop am now coming forward, as an incentive to others,
I want all the little people to realize they're not alone.

Thousands of people have been in my same situation.


I, BartCop, your ediotr, experimented with marihuana in the 70's.
I'm not proud of it!

It was a mistake that I made when I was a child.
Children make mistakes, according to Frank Keating,
who is Ditto-Monkey governor of the Oklahoma Territories.

That's all there is to it,
I just had to make the clean break from my druggie past,
hoping Governor Hoover Butch will follow my example, for the sake of America.

If he's going to lead our country, shouldn't he be at least as honest as Ol' BartCop?

I hope Martin Lawrence makes it. (Update)

They said his temperature was 107.
So far, they can't wake him up.

Lawrence has had his problems.
He's not God, and he's not my favorite, but I like him.

I hope he makes it.

Doctors are guessing his brain has NOT sustained any damage.

Seems like we don't win a lot, maybe we won this one...

I need a copy of a Star Trek script.
From the old series with Shatner, the show was "The Enterprise Incident."

If you know that show, you can probably guess what I'm going to do with it.

Free car or trip to Vegas if you can send me that.
All prizes paid for by

By the way...

ADM are such cheap bastards.
Typical Republicans.
Watch this animated GIF thing.
It only works for 15 or 20 seconds.
Cheap bastards but a Level 2 power chip in,
when any code-writer such as myself knows it obviously requires a Level 3 chip.
You have to hit "Refresh" to make the lie swirl again.


They sure pay good money to the mindless, ditto-monkey puppets who are loyal to them,



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