Pigboy on Drugs
We're here live in Pigboy's third hour Thursday, Sept 2.
He's acting drunker than Cooter Brown.
Actually, my experience behind a bar tells me it's not alcohol.
It's funny, he's slurring his words and speaking slowly and deliberately.
"Have we taken any calls this hour? Huh? We
haven't? Thought we did.
His ditto-logic isn't up to snuff, either,
"Ladeees and ...gennelmin, Monica's ...mother,
Bernar Lewinsky got a...
What? ...I said what?
Pigboy's on drugs, just like Governor Blow Monkey!
Uh-Oh, still listening to Herr Puerca, he just fell asleep!
Now he's ragging on the Republicans!
"We can't ask big gubment to solve aborshen!
The way he's chastising the hippocrits,
So, when Pigboy gets drunk - he tells the truth?
Hey, look at the clock!
Now, we're in the last ten minutes.
Hey, Pigboy, it gets worse than that!!
BartCop is taping you, you lying buck futter!!
I'm giggling like it's my first beer watching the reels go 'round and 'round
Pigboy is so busted!
Rush just said, "My slurred speech is miffical!" (mythical)
Rush, this time I think you're right.
I have a suggestion: Go home and take about a dozen more pills
Take a really long damn nap, you Nazi pig.
This whole Waco thing is back, thanks to the we-never-learn GOP.
Why do the Republicans always look backwards?
Isn't that why Butch is leading the others right now?
What the hell...
Just to be sure, once and for all, to clear the record,
If we're going to re-open Waco, shouldn't we re-open Ruby Ridge?
If we did, would we find out that Gov. Blow Monkey's daddy gave the order
While we're at it, maybe we should give Iran-Contra another look-see.
I wonder why?
While we're at it, let's go through Monica's troubles alllll over again.
What about the Kennedy assassination?
How much of the Rosenburgs' trial was a sham for the cameras?
What did FDR know about Pearl Harbor?
How did World War One start?
Did Booth really shoot Lincoln?
Witnesses said Booth broke his left leg.
...and don't get me started on Benedict Arnold!
The GOP has nothing for America's future, so they want to look to
Pigboy says "America has Clinton fatigue."
Five years and $50,000,000 and the Republican Sex Police found a blow job.
So let's re-live the Clinton years forever.
The GOP has the Red Ass from
Clinton's boot all these years.
It's all they've got.
Who REALLY stabbed Caesar?
Calling Hardon Kenneth!
How many times have I said this:
Well, he's trying.
Recently, Al Gore addressed a plank of the BartCop quiz.
Perhaps in the coming weeks and months, he will further explain
It seems that Gore knows the difference between science and bullshit-wacko,
Mr. Gore, these children may grow up to be ditto-monkeys unless
Gore says the states should have the right to teach science-based
In an effort to show the VP the folly of his ways,
Don't tell me these questions, "could never happen."
Here's the quiz.
1. Can Idaho put up, "No Niggers in Idaho" signs at their borders
If not, why not, Al?
2. Can Texas make lynchings of Mexican-Americans a misdemeanor?
3. Can Mississippi make looking at a white girl's legs a crime for blacks?
4. What if Arkansas makes the Age of Consent for girls ten years?
5. If the civilized states, California, New York, Illinois, Ohio etc want
6. If the Earth was really created 6,000 years ago, when did the dinosaurs live?
Al, you've got to right this wrong you have put forward.
Al, my old friend.
But if you continue down the ditto-monkey path,
>From Tina K
>I see you fell for the latest bit of Gore disinformation in the media.
>Here's something that might clarify things a bit for you.
That, too, seems to suggest I need "straightening out."
>WASHINGTON (AP) -- Vice President Al Gore says he
wouldn't oppose public
I assume we're talking about public schools.
I can understand the Catholics teaching crazy crap in their schools.
If we're talking about a class called, "The History of Religion,"
>"Gore bases his opinion on court rulings that allow
the teaching of creationism
>"They may teach creationism in the context of a religious
course" - that is clearly up to
Again, they teach religion in public schools?
>"The vice president favors the teaching of evolution in public schools,'' Cabrera said.
>"Obviously that decision should and will be made
at the local level and
That brings you and he right back to my six questions.
What if Idaho wants a "No Niggers" law?
Does Gore support the locals or not?
What the hell is this?
Do you have a Black-Eyed Pea near your home?
I do, and we made the mistake of going there.
Last night we ate there and I pulled this out of my mashed potatoe.
I won't eat there again.
Nine days to go...
Somewhere, there are photos of Bob Barr licking whipped cream
I hereby post a reward for this photo.
The amount of the reward will depend on the clarity of the picture,
Maybe our friends at AMPOL have a clue where to look?
Armey the Foul-mouthed Dick strikes again. (w/Update)
Let's talk about the Puerto Rican pardons Clinton offered.
Who the hell knows how these things work?
On Crossfire, when you make a claim and it's not challenged by the two resident
Press said, "None of these Puerto Ricans were personally involved
Press also said, "On the average, presidential pardons take years,
There's not much I'd put past Clinton, but if these people are non-violent
So let's get back to the Foul-mouthed Dick.
Here's his bullshit attack on our president:
"It's a peculiar position for the president to
take in opposition to the people that
Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit, you lying Dick.
There are so many examples, I'll just grab a few off the top of my head,
A. Governor Blow Monkey just signed legislation in Texas to permit the carrying
Gov. Blow Monkey wanted to score points with the
McVeigh wing of
Did the Foul-mouthed Dick have a problem with that?
B. Ed Meese, Red-Ink Reagan's personal defense attorney, at Reagan's request,
(Don't blame me - blame Meese's Commission.)
Reagan/Meese said, "That's bullshit," and threw
the report away.
Did the Foul-mouthed Dick have a problem with that?
C. Beirut, one of the pillars of BartCop-ism.
Reagan's Joint Chiefs wanted those Marines to stay
on ships, where they could be protected.
Reagan's direct interference cost 240 Marines their lives.
Did the Foul-mouthed Dick have a problem with that?
D. Here's the kill shot:
The Dick thinks we should listen to the experts?
He's a lying son-of-a-bitch.
Let's take the example of a young woman who is extremely
interested in improving the
She graduates with straight A's from high school.
Then, because of her credentials, she's hired by the
Clinton administration to
This is a dedicated woman with the "knowledge and
So what happens then?
Armey the Foul-mouthed Dick, and Pigboy the Nazi Dropout and
the other ignorant
Does Dick want the panel of expert's recommendations
Recently, The Foul-Mouthed Dick was on Meet the Whore
with Tim the Catholic.
Timmy asked, "How you gonna pay for that, Dick?"
The Dick thought for a second, (ha ha) and said,
Of course, he took it back the next day, when nobody
Now, is there anyone left standing that thinks the Dick
I'll let you decide...
>The right wing wackos are upset about Clinton going
after the Waco cop killers,
>So, killing cops is not as bad as being members of
>The murderers who shot cops under Clinton are praised
as "innocent people of faith,"
(Co-written by John Brady)
Koresh, help me.
The Pig is driving me, and his audience f-ing crazy.
When the Clintons buy their house in NewYork,
They'll need a washer-dryer, but what if it leaks?
They'll need knives and forks, and pots and pans.
They can get by with paper plates and used jelly jars for glasses,
on and on and on and on with this stupid bullshit that isn't funny and makes no
Has the Pig finally lost his warped mind?
I would much rather hear him talk about the Clinton Body Count,
Get back to the lies, the personal insults, the White House dog jokes and
the racial slurs.
Maybe he sees it all ending when Clinton leaves office,
Did you see "This Whore" with George Steppinoffacliff?
They profiled a New Hampshire ditto-monkey focus group.
No mention at all of Ronald Reagan.
Then they asked about Clinton.
Then the name of this man came up.
The focus group used words like, bad, traitor, cheater, discredited scumbag
According to This Whore, that's why Gov Blow Monkey is/was
According to the ditto-monkey focus group, they're saying,
Butchie did that, but now he's got a cocaine monkey on his back!
I can't believe how much fun the next 15 months are going to be.
a quick quote from the same show.
"Right after the â92 election, Republicans were angry at President
--Bill Kristol, Dan Quayle's former Chief of Staffe.
>I just gotta know...what's up with Paul Harvey & sex with a horse?
In 1994, Paul Harvey said, "another Clinton victim has been murdered."
Then, in the 96 campaign, he pissed me off. He said,
"Next week, you're going to see Bill and Hillary hold hands.
Bill does NOT love Hillary."
The dirty, son-of-a-bitch...
That's not his opinion, understand, he's stating that
as a fact.
No matter what happened with Monica, no man can speak for another.
Unless Bill or Hillary TOLD him it was a sham marriage,
...it's a fucking HUNCH on Harvey's part.
Is that how it works?
A fucking HUNCH?
Remember when Woodward and Bernstein needed TWO sources?
A hunch is as good as a fact?
Since "hunches" are now substituted as facts, since that shit is
now accepted as a fact,
......I have a "hunch" Paul Harvey has sex with horses.
My source is the same as his source for the Clinton "sham marriage."
See how the game is played, Mr. Harvey?
Is that not a fact, Mr. Harvey?
I felt a little like Harold Ickes for a moment there...
(I have a KILLER Harold Ickes story coming.
I'm making an outrageous accusation without the tiniest SHRED of
Wouldn't America be stronger if you have to have a shred?
Harvey says Bob Dole's love is "legit,"
"...but Clinton only "pretends" to love Hillary."
Paul Harvey is a WHORE GETTING PAID!
Break for a drink...
Fast-forward to today, August 30, 1999.
Paul I'll-sell-my-ass-for-a-dollar Harvey said this:
The rest of this year.....
we Americans will be grappling...
we will be grappling with vexing moral questions...
...questions about our elected leaders.
You sick, lying, hypocritical, horse-lover!
You made that shit up!
When Clinton got a blow job it was "the
difference between right and wrong."
butt now that we know that YOUR boy is caught in a felony,
...we should all struggle with the vexing moral questions?
If anyone buys this,
...I ....I can't live here anymore.
Like that girl on Friends says, "OH..... my...... God."
Can they REALLY be that f-ing dense?
Clinton cheated on his wife.
Butch committed a goddamn felony that he put 13,000 others in prison
It was a goddamn Texas felony.
Say it, "FEL-O-NEE!"
The Law and Order party has made a nifty transition in the last 90 days.
...and Harvey the horse-molester is "grappling with the vexing
Paul Harvey = For-Sale Whore at age
I'm sorry, but right now I feel like the most honest man in America.
This has to be the funniest page I've seen in 1999.
Mrs. BartCop was not amused.
"It is impossible to imagine the universe run by
a wise, just and omnipotent God,
The Tequila Report
The liquor store in my neighborhood is a big one,
I didn't want to spend 1999 searching for the best-tasting tequila,
Y'know, if you ask 100 people to name a fine tequila, I'll bet
The expert told me Jose Cuervo was fifty-one percent tequila,
Can you believe that?
You know they're not using Grey Goose, either.
Jose Cuervo - putting vodka in their Tequila.
Jose Cuervo puts vodka in their tequila!
Koresh, when I owned those bars, I could've been arrested for mixing
Sidebar: Liquor by the drink was illegal in Oklahoma
when I bought my first bar.
Then you pay the bartender $6 to mix his Coke with
So what did we do?
End of Sidebar.
So, Liquorboy suggested I try the Conquistador Anejo.
It seems the trick is to get the 100 percent Blue Agave,
As previously stated, it was a home run in my opinion.
The next Saturday, I tried the Tenoch Tequila.
It comes in a striking, light green pottery jug, with dark green agave leaves
hugging the sides.
Shit, the jug is a show all on it's own.
There are many unique features on this jug.
The Tenoch Tequila was $35, but it's worth it.
The next Saturday we tried the Alcatraz Tequila.
It's clear glass with frosted sides and gold trim.
Seriously, the next time you get a chance, check out this bottle.
On the back is a gold Calla Lily flower, which, when mixed with
Hey, I'm sold on the steak.
When you get the Alcatraz tequila home, you have to strip off the protective
...and at that point I got impatient and just started pouring shots.
As you know, I can find fault with anything.
So, remember it's the 100 percent blue agave that counts.
You can't go wrong with any of them.
Accept no substitutes.
Pictures from the Archives
Here's a picture you may not have seen before.
President Ronald Reagan invented the phony photo op, even if they
didn't always go right.
It was Lorraine Wagner's turn to present a gift to Ronald Reagan.
She was president of the "Keep Chicago Litter-Free" committee,
so she was there
Suddenly, she raised her voice and said,
Secret Service agents tackled her from two sides, breaking her back.
Ms. Wagner died early this morning.
Subject: Where is Clarence Darrow when we need him?
Weird thing occured to me...
The fact that we still have a large number of people who accept as fact
....since the majority of our species refuses to evolve.
Dennis Clark, a biology teacher at Alf Landon High School in Topeka, Kansas
Clark was taped saying, "Birds are hatched from eggs laid by their mother."
Fred Phelps, who runs the http://www.godhatesfags.com web
By the way,
You can also see a list of religions who ordain, "non-practicing fags."
You can also see a list of religions who ordain, "practicing fags."
You can also see a list of religions who perform, "fag marriages."
Catholics only bat .500 on the Fred Phelps hit list.
Some e-mail I sent:
From: Bart Cop <BartCop@bartcop.com>
Subject: Can I get a link?
I have a political humor page, updated hourly.
I get a whole lot of good stuff from Eric Schimek.
A recent favorite is the keywords used by David Duke's website,
Among Duke's chosen keywords are:
white race, Confederacy, Rebel flag, Pat Buchanan, nationalism, revolution, GOP,
I think that pretty much spells things out...
Pigboy, the GOP and David Duke - peas in a pod
Great Kansas Education cartoon here
Sunday night on Showtime, check your TV Guide
Strange Justice the story of Clarence "Slappy " Thomas.
Rush says this show is full of lies and distortions,
Pretty interesting reading at http://members.aol.com/gopbias/
This guy's no fool...
Friday, Rush cited a poll that said 84 percent don't care
Remember how outraged they were when Clinton said he tried pot?
Now we have a Blow Monkey leading the party of Law and Order?
Hey, GOP, are you guys kidding?
Where's Bob Dole?
I don't hear you cackling this year.
These days, GOP stands for Gorillas on Powder.
Friday, Rush called it, "Butch's mythical cocaine use."
...and this is only allegation number one!
Wait until they see the picture of Butchie's little habenero!
Please, God, let this idiot win.
I found an old Laura Schlessinger date card.
Conversation One beer every five
Licking Fingers Add $10
Laura on top Add
All rates based on half hour increments
Videotape of the encounter $10
Pictures Available at bartcop.com
Y'know, if you ever wanted to help out, it would be nice if somebody could
I can't make my own copies, because I sometimes update a page 10 times a
It would be a no-pay kind of job, like what America had during the Reagan
Rush spent most of Friday (August 27) whining about Waco.
He was whining about the Delta Force guys being there.
Goddamn, you're a stupid mother-effer, Rush.
He kept on and on and on and on about the horrible death the religious
The Mayflower was loaded with AK-47's and Kevlar-piercing bullets.
Years ago, you admitted that Vern started the goddamn fire.
To hear Pigboy tell the tale, Vern and his innocents were in a circle praying when
Then the unconscionable bastard had this question:
How many kids died in Littleton?
Rush, you're an ignorant son-of-a-bitch, you know that?
Your ditto-monkeys in Colorado didn't give their victims 55 days
Your ditto-monkeys in Colorado didn't watch helplessly
Of course, Rush didn't bother
to clarify that the cannisters were fired
No, in the more-God, less-education ditto-monkey universe,
Rush knows the pro-Koresh, pro-McVeigh crowd is his bread and butter.
Then, when they explode, like ditto-monkeys always do, Rush says,
Goddamn, I'd like to take him hunting sometime...
I'm not exactly sure what we have here.
They carry Howard Stern, and they don't like imposters.
These folks don't like a lot of people,
Matter of fact, they said it twice.
For no reason, click on http://www.fortunecity.com/bennyhills/palin/250/imposters.htm
From the Tipper Gore Appreciation Page
Curtis Mayfield and Governor Blow Monkey explain the truth
Y'know, I've driven cars in lots of cities.
It's not that I'm particularly well-traveled, it's just that I'm old.
Some cities have distinctive driving quirks.
In St. Louis, where I grew up, there are tens of thousands of Stop signs.
In Las Vegas, you have to watch your ass.
If you're sitting at a red light, and it turns green,
If you get to a light three seconds after it turned red,
Sure enough, our first weekend in Vegas our lives were spared.
In Sedona, Arizona, home of the magic-rock-renting ditto-monkeys,
You're driving down the street, the main drag in Sedona, and some Republican
What choice do you have?
But, the all-time classic has to be Dallas.
I've done Dallas at least once a year for twenty years,
Say it, ..."Dallas, Texas."
The Interstate Loop around Dallas?
I've had some of the best fun of my life on the Dallas I-loop.
There's nothing else like it.
Please, please, somebody write in and tell me that the
I don't drink and drive anywhere, but I damn sure don't drink and
drive in Dallas,
If you ever thought about racing at Indy - start with Dallas.
The Dallas Interstate Speedway is a boatload of fun.
now it's time everyone refreshed their drink.
...now we get to Knuckledrag, Oklahoma.
Like I say, I've driven every-goddamn-where.
Chicago, Nashville, LA, Little Rock, Seattle, Washington, Phoenix, Memphis...
Swear to Koresh, Knuckledrag, Oklahoma is the ONLY place
It's a goddamn green light!
I don't know how much longer I can stand it.
I know I make too much of this,
You're driving along, doing 35 or 40 miles an hour
Make them stop doing that!
I live in a city of green-light stoppers.
I can't stand it!
Regular readers know I've mentioned this several times.
Why would I repeat a non-funny bit if it wasn't fucking true?
(Blood pressure now 190/120)
Do a shot of Conquistador tequila...
...a warm spring day...
...a pretty blonde in a short skirt...
Yes, ... yes, ... I'm a little better now...
Greenlights aren't worth it...
... I'm going into my pyramid to think...
Update on the Kansas school teacher
There's a new Eargasm, Number 24 that's pretty funny.
James Carville and Rush agree on a lot of things...
Friday August 27th, Rush flat-out declared,
"There was no child abuse at wacko, ... I mean Waco."
Gee, I wonder if the Nazi Pigboy is lying?
Perhaps MORE importantly,
Do you know why?
He's not in this for the politics.
He's making a goddamn bank deposit, you ignorant ditto-monkeys!
He knows Koresh was a nutboy loon.
Remember a few weeks ago, after JFK Jr. died, Rush said,
I said at the time, and you can check the record if I didn't erase it,
Rush didn't mean to slur JFK Jr., there,
Have you heard him refer to Bob Dole as, "Viagra Bob?"
He's not trying to be a disgusting prick,
It's who he is.
Remember the very first witness at the Waco hearings?
That drove the Republicans crazy.
Since most Americans saw that testimony, or highlights of it,
Could it be because.... he's a whore?
I hit a wrong button somewhere and lost most of "The Latest."
Any chance someone kept a recent copy?
If someone kept a copy, fine.
I've been getting complaints about my whining about Mindspring's mail problems
Hey, when communication is severed, people have a right to know.
It reminds me of a Yogi Berra-ism.
So many people e-mailed me,
Got a lot of hits yesterday...
I'm sure a lot of it is due to Kevin Cunningham's great
Marianne Gingrich, once married to this man, has asked a judge to freeze their assets.
She says that thieving scumbag transferred "substantial portions" of their
Isn't Snoot the bastrado who coined the phrase, "Character is important?"
...and you religio-ditto-monkeys fell for it.
Rush said a funny...
Starting his third hour Thursday, he said,
"I'm pouring myself a nice glass of Diet Raspberry Snapple.
....it goes great with cocaine!"
Rush pulled a funny.
Breaking News... (with Update)
Dennis Clark, a biology teacher at Alf Landon High School in Topeka, Kansas
"It looks bad for him," said his attorney Marty Schottenheimer, Jr.
Police would not speak on the record, but sources within the police department
Clark was held without bail.
BARTCOP: You will be happy to know that I have finally been allowed to make bail.
It seems as if a certain F. Phelps helped me. He told
the police and the DA that
Convinced that if he did not do something fast,
He came to the conclusion to bail me out to show GOD
that he did
GOD immediately made the Wood go away, or was that
I'll be back in my classroom on Monday.
Of course I'll have to pat the little fuckers down
and search their
call 1-800-IEV-OLVE to donate.
PS. If the school system won't have me,
Frank Keating, acting governor of the Oklahoma Territories, called the legislature
"Gentlemen, we weren't elected to sit here and do nothing," said Keating.
"We were sent here to enact meaningful legislation. We've
got to protect our
Look at the dirty whores now... (Update below)
The F.B.I. "admits" they used two flammable tear gas cannisters at Waco.
Big story, right?
The F.B.I. said they fired two cannisters at a different building
six hours before Vern's
CNN and the Dallas Morning Whore think they've got the Scoop of the Century.
bartcop.com has more credibility than the Dallas Morning Whore.
Now I'm really pissed off.
Hey, CNN - EAT ME!
Six hours earlier, two cannisters were fired
at a different building.
You dirty whores!
CNN is such shit, they would replay video of Willie
Horton raping Ted Turner's mom
Gutless, spineless, money-grubbing whores.
...and that stupid Nazi Pigboy puta claims CNN stands
for the Clinton News Network,
Yeah, Pigboy, that's right.
I need a drink.
What happened to Rush's step-kids?
"It's heading towards northern Florida.
No mention of Marta's kids.
Seems like theye were 12 and 14 when he got married.
Did Rush ship them off somewhere?
Was it because of the abuse?
Maybe they had the courage to say "No," to Neo-Nazism
...as I've said before, if Rush was my Daddy,
Every now and then,
Yep, it's another BartCop confession.
I need your support here, I need your strength.
Thousands of people have been in my same situation.
I, BartCop, your ediotr, experimented with marihuana in the 70's.
It was a mistake that I made when I was a child.
That's all there is to it,
If he's going to lead our country, shouldn't he be at least as honest as Ol' BartCop?
I hope Martin Lawrence makes it. (Update)
They said his temperature was 107.
Lawrence has had his problems.
I hope he makes it.
Doctors are guessing his brain has NOT sustained any damage.
Seems like we don't win a lot, maybe we won this one...
I need a copy of a Star Trek script.
If you know that show, you can probably guess what I'm going to do with it.
Free car or trip to Vegas if you can send me that.
By the way...
ADM are such cheap bastards.
They sure pay good money to the mindless, ditto-monkey puppets who are loyal to them,