Chat and Post

Contact Us




I am very sorry... 



Back Issues

New to BartCop?


The BartCop Reader


  Volume 450 - The Straits of Fear 
.Old Stuff .  ...Celebrity-hoe-mails ....Required Reading.   .The Liberal Media   .......VIVA Las VEGAS
           .Onthe Far,  Far Horizon........LiveWeb Cams ...........TheRuby Tape         The BartCop Tax Plan..........JFK Links
..............................< href="">BartCop Store......................................................................................Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!... ...... ..................................................................................................................................................................................Support

..............................................................................................................................................................................POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155 
Search this site or the web        powered by FreeFind
Site searchWeb search

 April 11, 2001


 "You people have to remember,
    we don't know what all happened behind the scenes."
      --The goat sexer, last minute of the second hour.

 No, Pigboy.
 That's what you should have said when Clinton pardoned Marc Rich.
 When Israel calls and says "Mr. President, we NEED this favor,"
 then you should assume there are details that can't be released,
 because Marc Rich funded some black ops for the Massad.

 ...and if I know that, you know that, Pigboy.

 But when Smirk begs the Chi-Comms for mercy like a bleeding, battered wife,
 that affects our standing in the world's eyes, you lying whore.

 How did we get a wartime deserter for a leader, anyway?


 ...and my hammer is smaller than Howard Stern's penis...

 ABC News continues to cover for Smirk

 "The word 'sorry' may not mean the same in China that is does here,
   but those magic words freed our people."
      -- ABC News radio, live from New York

  ABC/Disney, thy name is whore.


Subject: McVeigh The Democrat

We Republicans want him executed, do you Democrats?
Or, do you want to rehabilitate him?

Lanny Kiedrowski

 ha ha

 Lanny, do you know how good of a salesman you'd be if you could convince me
 that Tim "government is the problem" McVeigh was a Democrat?

 This rat bastard is such a conservative, he's non-irrehabilitatable. * (homage to Smirk)
 Fry the baby-killing scumbag.


"No one can deny, in face of the evidence, that it is easy, given military power,
  to produce a population of fanatical lunatics.  It would be equally easy to produce
  a population of sane and reasonable people, but many governments do not wish to do so,
  since such people would fail to admire the politicians who are at the head of these govenments."
            --  Sir Bertrand Russell

 Thanks to


Subject: President Bush Sr throwing the 1992 election

Dear Bartcop:
    I adore your website.  It has proven to be a shot in the arm in the wake of the election theft.
While your chat room is down (sorry I e-mailed you on that one) I have been "catching up"
on some of your other links.  You asked that conservatives e-mail you if they see a hole in your
theory regarding George HW Bush (R-sells arms to drug dealers) throwing the 1992 election.
Although I am a liberal, I feel I might have this to add.

    It is my belief, now more than ever, that Republicans TRULY are the worthless scum
you've always touted them to be.  The thing about your theory that bothers me is this:
Had George HW Bush (R-sleeps with clones of his own wife) WON the election of 1992,
he STILL could have pardoned the Weinberger 5.  It would have obliterated the special
prosecutor and he STILL could have claimed executive privilege when questioned about it.
The media got sold out in the late eighties, so there would not have been the huge
media attention that accompanies our former President's pants.
    I am not so sure George HW Bush (R- assassinates Kennedys) COULD have won the
election of 1992.  Bill Clinton was energetic, enthusiastic and INTELLIGENT.  I digress from
your theory that George HW Bush (R-weasel) threw the election not because the postulate is
not well-founded, but because he could not have WON that election no matter how he tried.

Thanks a lot for your time,
I'm a big fan,


Heather, thanks for the kind words.

On the pardons, we could speculate for years on what could have happened, but it's my opinion that
since Democrats controlled the House and Senate in 1992, (real Democrats, not today's fake Democrats)
Bush's second term would not have been a full one.
My theory is based on the assumption that he KNEW he'd be dead meat if he stopped that
truth-revealing trial thru constitutional trickery, and that's why he threw the election.

It's my opinion that Bush figured he could re-live his glory days with Jeb as president in 1996,
so he threw the election to protect Saint Reagan's fabricated legacy and his own guilty ass.

...and the press dutifully played along with closed eyes so they could chase Clinton's cock.

   Back-stabbing, wartime deserter.


"We really got one over on the Chinese because they wanted us to apologize
  again and again and again for a whole bunch of stuff, and we only apologized for a few things."
      -- Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a candlestick

 Gee, what could be better than a man who avoided military service because he couldn't keep
 his dirty butt crack clean enough for Army standards,  excusing a wartime deserter's bungling.

 Powell Agrees with

"There was nothing to apologize for.
  To apologize would have suggested that we had done something wrong or accepting
  responsibility for having done something wrong, and we did not do anything wrong
  and therefore it was not possible to apologize.''

 Full Story

 So, Secretary Powell, why did President Weak and Stupid say "we are sorry" twice?

 Check out The Surpremos from

 Click  Here  to get Part Six, with links to Parts 1-5


 "Dear China,
   We  deeply regret  what happened to your pilot."
   -- President Weak and Stupid

 True, I'm writing this in anger, maybe more angry than I've been since
 I've been doing this page, but I'll tell you one goddamn thing:

 I wouldn't apologize to anybody who tried to steal my car or knock me off the road.

 If somebody tries to hijack my car, and put my life in danger,
 my regrets to the mother-effer will be coming in 40 caliber bursts,
 and that's a goddamn promise you can take to the bank.


 "Rush, if it was me, I'd rather  rot  in a Chinese prison
   than have my country apologize to get me back."
    -- caller, end of second hour

 For the first time, perhaps, I have respect for a ditto-monkey.
 The guy who said that was a soldier, not a wartime deserter.

 Does Pigboy read

 End of the second hour, Rush told his sheep one reason Russia fell
 was because they got tired of living like crap while watching "Dallas" on TV.

 I guess he's cruising the back issues, cause that's back a year or two...


Subject: Excerpt from chinese diplomat manual

How to keep a US plane by returning hostages:

1. Demand apology to 'save face' before releasing hostages and plane.
2. Wait for Jesse Jackson to offer help to GOP.
3. Wait 24 hrs for GOP beg you to accept apology to 'save face'.
4. Change deal to 'China keeps plane, unless Jesse Jackson comes to negotiate.'
5. Use new spy plane to monitor US naval group.

Y'know, if Jesse had gone over there to negotiate, he wouldn't have had
the authority to beg like Smirk has, ...sorta.

It wouldn't have been any fun to watch Jesse humiliated - he wasn't elected.
Of course, neither was President Weak and Stupid, but who cares?

It's what Tony Scalia wants, right?
That's what's important.

...that, and never trust a wartime deserter.


 "It's not a sign of weakness to say you're sorry."
   -- Pigboy, begging us to leave our senses.


Subject: Chinese Di-blow-me-cy


A few minutes ago, I listened to ABC's analysis of the release of the airmen
in China.  I'm having a little trouble (once again) believing my ears.

First, they carried on about how the Bush administration had been trying all
along to come up with a WAY of apologizing that the Chinese would accept.
Did I not hear the Cokehead-in-Chief say when this started that there would BE no apology?
When did they start working so earnestly on the apology?

Then they said that they had found a Chinese word that to us means
"acknowledge" but to the Chinese means "apologize".  DIDN'T WE JUST HEAR 8 YEARS
(Sorry about the caps, but I really feel like shouting.)

Don't these people hear themselves?  Do they think we just nod our heads
like little dashboard puppies every time they open their mouths?

Way back in the 50's, when I was in grade school, I remember being taught
how to recognize propaganda.  This was taught in a context of explaining why
the Russian people didn't get accurate news reporting; the Soviet government
controlled the media and therefore all the news was slanted against good old
America, blah, blah, blah.  To the best of my memory, there were seven or so
signs that the truth were being manipulated (Bandwagon, jumping to
conclusions, misleading statistics, character attacks come to mind .. I
should do some research and see if I can find the list).  Anyway, it just
about defines the mainstream news media in America today.  Whether it's
government controlling the media or big business controlling both the media
and the government makes little difference.

I also noticed that they pointed out that the Ambassador to China is
actually a Clinton appointee...that way if the public really goes ballistic
over the "apology" they can once again shift the blame to....guess who?

 This Just In...

 ABC News says there was "NO APOLOGY."
    2:02 PM CST, live from New York

 That's right, you're eyes and ears have been lying.
 ABC would never lie to cover for Smirk, so this must be true.

 Jesus Christ, I'm getting sicker by the minute.
 Never trust a wartime deserter.

 Thirty years ago, you heard these words on CBS on Saturday night.

 "Of course, Mr Phelps, if any member of your team is caught or killed,
   the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions."

  ...but under President Weak and Stupid, it's different.

  "We're sorry, can we have our spies back, pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
    We promise never to do anything like this again.
    We're so very, very sorry, would you release our people, pleeeeeeeeease?"


 "The rule is, 'We do not negotiate with terrorists in public.'"
    --the vulgar Pigboy, first hour today

 No, Rush, that's the GOP rule.

 The American rule is similar to that.
 The American rule is 'We do not negotiate with terrorists.'

 Hey, Rush, you see this thing here?  ---  .
 That's called a "period."
 That means the sentence is OVER with.
 It doesn't mean it's time to invent excuses and loopholes.

 Of course, we're at the mercy of Scalia and Smirk,
 so America maybe doesn't have that rule anymore.
 Never trust a wartime deserter.

 Christ, help me.

 Rush just played a tape of Andres Mitchell (R-Cock-hunter) saying the word "Sorry"
 in Chinese doesn't mean what "sorry" means in English.

 That's fucking crazy.

 ...and they whined about the meaning of the word "is?"

 What the fuck does it matter to us?
 Hey, Pigboy, WE ALL HEARD Smirk, on his knees, begging China for forgiveness

 Rush says "We fooled them."

 Yeah, like a shooting victim takes a bullet to fool the shooter.


 "Saying we did not apologize is not spin."

 In most any other case, this would be hysterical.
 This time, it's not, it's goddamn sickening to see America crawl.
 Never trust a wartime deserter.

 Do you remember on an early West Wing, it was the first time we saw Bartlet scream.
 He was screaming at his daughter Zoey, explaining to her that if she gets grabbed at some party
 and pulled into a van and flown out of this country under diplomatic cover, and rushed to
 somewhere in Africa, and held in a metal shack while her kidnappers contact the White House
 and say "We're going to send a finger every hour that the prisoners in Israel aren't released?

 "At that point," Bartlet said, "America doesn't have a president.
  America has a worried father, instead. That's why that CAN'T HAPPEN!"

 Well, look where we are now.

 America doesn't have a president.
 We have a weak and stupid moron in the Oval Office.

 We have President Fredo, and this is life and death.
 Never trust a wartime deserter.

 Oh, God, what did we do to make you this angry?


Subject: Hardline Bush..... surely they jest...

Lets look at GW's hardline stand as it progressed the last 11 days....

1)  Hardline, the Chinese are at fault
2) "We are making substantial progress"
3) "We will not apologize."
4) "We regret the missing pilot."
5) "We are sorry the pilot died."
6)  "we are sorry this incident happened," etc etc....

Now a double sorry.....

Wednesday April 11 12:47 PM ET (Reuters)
'Double Sorry' Ends China-U.S. Spy Plane Crisis.

Talk about being all over the map..
He progressively wimped out more and more...
We know what the W stands for.....

George WIMP Bush.

Yes, it's disgusting, isn't it?
Never trust a wartime deserter.

 Rush's first call today was a ditto-monkey who said he was sick
 that President Weak and Stupid caved in to the blackmailing Chi-Comms.

 He hasn't allowed another call like that thru yet.

 He can't even let ditto-monkey's speak on Rush's show, because they're not
 getting paid millions per month to be a lying whore for the Republican Party.

 ha ha

 Jus got my first laugh out of this Smirk debacle.  Pigboy just said,

"This 'sorry' means the opposite of 'regular sorry.'"

 Regular sorry?

 Rush, if you'd open your phones right now,
 your own sheep would call you a whore.


Subject: Kobain - Cancer vs Crohns ( It matters not)

Bart, I think we all recognize that you produce an off the cuff rant on a daily basis,
which must be incredibly difficult.  Don't agonize about the  occasional misstatement.
It's unimportant.  The real beauty of your daily rants is that they are so spontaneous
and refreshingly honest that one never doubts your sincerity.  You provide a real service
for those of us out here who feel as though we've gone through the looking glass every time
we pick up a paper or turn on the nightly news.  We're able to have our feelings validated
and get a good laugh at the same time.  So keep doing what you're doing Bart.
It's one of a kind, and we love it.


 Text of U.S. Letter to Chinese

 Dear Mr. China,

 We are very sorry...
 We are very sorry...
 We appreciate China's efforts to see to the well-being of our crew.

 The United States under a weak moron.

 So, we've lost two wars, not counting Vietnam.
 We lost the war to elect our own leaders,
 and now we're begging China to forgive us?

 ...son of a bitch...

 This must be that "honor and dignitude" Smirky promised us.
 Remember how "proud" we were going to be with a "good man" in the White House?

 Do you feel proud to be an American today?

 Let the truth ring loud and clear from the highest mountaintop:
 If you want America to put on a pink tutu and dance the hula,
 just force one of our planes down and our country is yours.

 Just tell us what you want, and tell us what to say.
 We don't mind.

 We don't mind the humiliation.
 We don't mind sitting up and begging.
 We don't mind playing the fool.
 We don't mind jumping when you bark.
 We don't mind being China's cabanaboy.
 We won't even ask for the Vaseline.
 It's OK - just fuck us.
 We don't mind.

 Do you feel proud to be an American today?


"President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in.
  President Bush did NOT cave in."
    -- The vulgar Pigboy, apologist for the in-bed-with-China Bush administration.


Subject: Carville vs O'Reilly

'Morning!  Panetta Institute just called...

The Carville vs O'Reilly show is being re-aired, in its entirety, tomorrow night (12th)
on C-Span @ 5:00 PST.  [6 MST, 7 CST, 8 EST]

If you can watch, it will be worth your time!  I've been unable to get a transcript.


Carville vs. O'Reilly?
Is this too good or what?

I'm there.

Thanks, April.


"I know the American people join me in expressing sorrow for the loss of life of a Chinese pilot.
 Our prayers are with his wife and his child."
   -- President Weak and Stupid

 "Sorrow" for the skyjacker?
 Not me, not one goddamn bit.

 ...unless we're being lied to by our government.

 If we were breaking laws, then we should apologize.
 But Smirk has assured us we were over international waters.

 Remember when Ghadafy claimed 200 miles of the Gulf of Sidra?
 Saint Reagan said, "We don't play by those rules."

 But what does Smirk do?

 He apologizes for being over international waters when China attacked our plane?


 So, now it's official: Smirk is more stupid than Reagan.

 America, America, God shed His rage on thee.

 Shouldn't Congress subpeona Smirk's staffers and find out what was promised
 to China so Smirk could get America out of this bungled fuck-up?

 Oh, ...that's right, ...I forgot.
 Republicans are God-sent, and need no oversight like Democratic administrations do.

 Oh, Jesus, I need a drink.
 And this country needs some real Democrats and a fucking backbone.

 Just like Iran-Contra, we'll never know what happened here.
 The Bush family has once again buried the entire truth forever.

 Meanwhile, China receives their biggest US-technology transfer in history.

 ...but that's OK, because Cheney and Powell know what they're doing...


 "Granted, the majority of Americans don't like the Smirk apologies to China,
  but it scored big with women, and that's because women can see the big picture."
   -- the vulgar Pigboy

 When women forgave Clinton, Pigboy said it was because they were idiots, thinking with their vaginas.
 Now he credits them with some "special diplomatic insight," for siding with President Weak and Stupid

 How did this "tutu" deal come about?
 From CNN's senior China analyst, Wily Lam

 Beijing-based diplomatic analysts said by presenting the messages of regrets
 by Bush and Powell as a victory for China's tough line, Jiang Zemin has successfully
 protected itself from charges of being too "soft" with the U.S.

 Yes, there's no doubt who won this match.
 But, no doubt, the American whore media will tell us "how tough" Smirk was on them.

 Having covered its flank, the Jiang team might be in a
 better position to do serious bargaining with Washington
 over what Beijing wants to get in return for the speedy release
 of the 24 U.S. crewmen held in Hainan Island.

 It's my guess China got every damn thing they wanted.
 With Smirk crumbling in public, there's no telling what kind of grovelling he did in private.

 The Chinese media on Friday quoted several American and Western newspapers and
 news agencies to the effect that "the American stance is softening."

 Softer than Strom Thurmond watching a stripper at Scores.

 If anybody knows of a time in our memories (since JFK) when America has been made
 to scoot the pooch for some commie gangster, please let me know - soon - because I'm
 ashamed of the way America's "president" has handled this whole deal.

 Somebody's got to say it - those 24 lives were expendable.
 These were professional spies which, according to Al Martin, agreed to value these secrets over their lives,

 ...but that's not what happened, is it?

 Martin said those 24 had orders to put that plane in the water where is would self-destruct,

 ...but that's not what happened is it?

 China got to interrogate 24 of our spies - unheard of in my lifetime - and they have
 whatever they want from our airplane, and worst of all, they have our goddam apology.

 Saint Reagan and Daddy Bush made a deal with terrorists to steal the 1980 election.
 Like father, like son, Smirk has made a deal with the enemy.
 There was a time when America would not submit to blackmail.

 ...but that's not what happened is it?

 Did Smirk promise we would not to spy on them again?
 We'll never know, will we?

 We're going to be kept in the dark, for "national security" reasons."

 I'm fucking sick.


Subject: From the last real newspaper

I was reading "The Guardian" on-line today and ran into this on a chat board.

"Henry Hyde said Sunday our U.S. servicemen in China should be considered hostages.
So, that gives us an energy shortage, a recession, and a hostage crisis.
George W. Bush does a better Jimmy Carter impression than Dan Aykroyd ever did"

Politics, humor, and show business in one joke.
Who says the British have no sense of humor.
The do have the last real newspaper.


From:  Major Philip E. Simmons
            Staff Judge Advocate
            11th Marine Expeditionary Unit

Subject: FW: Apology # 2

It is with deep regret, hesitation, and contrition that I, The President
of the United States of America, offer apology to the Chinese nation and its peoples.

I apologize for the heinous act performed by our large, sluggish, propeller driven airplane
when it got in the way of your highly maneuverable, supersonic, technologically superior, jet aircraft.

Furthermore, I sincerely regret the fact that by flying in international airspace, we afforded your "highly competent"
pilot the opportunity to fly his aircraft into our own, causing him to spiral to his death into the ocean.

We regret the choice made by said pilot when he used deficient judgment in electing to attempt aerial intimidation
upon our slower moving, unarmed, surveillance vehicle. This situation brings to mind a similar episode when I
was in grade school and my face got in the way of the school yard bully's fist. He broke a bone in his hand
and I felt as compelled to apologize for that incident as I do for this one.

Let me summarize by stating that it is our sincere hope that you accept this "heart felt" and "sincere" apology
for the actions committed by your pilot. We are sorry that we got in the way. We are sorry that we were forced
to leave international airspace and land in Chinese territory. We are sorry that you were forced to provide food and
housing for our military personnel.  Most of all, we are sorry that you have, in your possession, some of our most technologically advanced surveillance equipment on the planet. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive us.
I hope that soon you will be compelled to release our men and our property.

Because I really don't want to have to apologize again when we have to kick your ass.

George W. Bush
President of the United States

PS.  Have a nice day.

Wouldn't it be nice if that's what he said?
Wouldn't it be nice if that's the president we had?
Instead of this groveling and dirt-kicking defanged cowboy?
The press keeps telling us how "defiant" and "hard line" our president is,
but the White House statements all have "regrets" and "sorry" in them.

Major, if we were in the right, why do we have regrets?
Apology #2 is what I've been saying.
Why do we have regrets? Because they mugged our plane?

I'm not demanding an answer, because you can't really know.
I just think we're not getting the real story, and with Bush, that's damn scary.

We missed out on the real story 8 years and five months ago, too.
I sincerely believe Bush gave up the White House to hide those secrets,
which means they were damn big and damn ugly secrets.

That scares me...

 Fix, Fix, Fix

 That Millionaire was as fixed as the election.
 The $500,000 question was, "What is Earth's circumference?"


 24 one-hour time zones, ...could it be 24,000 miles?

 That's fifth grade geography stuff

 Then the BIG question:
 "Who invented the first mass-produced helicopter?"

 Before the choices came up, I thought of Da Vinci.
 Then I re-read the question and caught the "mass-produced," ruling Leo out.
 My second guess was "Bell," but when Sikorsky came up as "A," I knew they
 wouldn't give him a false, close answer, so I knew it about the same time as Wheezeboy.

 It was funny, tho...
 As soon as he saw Sikorsky, he started wheezing real bad.
 I guess I would've, too, with $2,000,000 on the line.

 But aren't those questions too easy?
 Sure, I've been bitching about nobody winning, but if I know the answer, with my IQ,
 it really shouldn't be worth 2 mil.


Kurt Cobain


Kurt Cobain DIDN'T have stomach cancer - however, you are correct that he did have
incredible stomach pain, that drove him to heroin - it was the only thing that got rid of the pain.



Kurt didn't have cancer he had Chrones Disease which causes the poor person who has it abdominal pain,
often in the lower right area, and diarrhea. Rectal bleeding, weight loss, and fever. Bleeding may be serious
and persistent, leading to anemia.  I had a girlfriend who suffered (she still does actually) from this and it was
a nightmare, almost unbearable.

Bartcop, keep up the good work.
I read your site everyday when I get home from work.
It's the best out there, thanks much.



Subject: Kurt Cobain Obit

"Kurt had suffered from a rare illness for almost seven years, causing a chronic stomach pain of
such an intensity that almost every day he considered killing himself. This constant severe pain
led to a deep melancholic depression verging on schizophrenia, and frequent bouts of narcoplepsy.
None of the doctors he visited were of any help, but the money he made from Nirvana offered
him a temporary release to the pain - through heroin. Soon the heroin took over, and although
he tried to kick the habit on numerous occasions, the stomach pains returned with such an
intensity that even the heroin appeared to be a better alternative."

So I was almost right about the stomach cancer, but nothing gives Captain Grunt
an excuse to call Cobain "worthless human debris."

I guess that's what makes him the vulgar Pigboy.

Rare Closing Sidebar:
This is an example of why you should never use  as reference material.
I remembered "cancer," it was apparently Chrones Disease.
Forgive me, I'm Catholic.

All I'm saying is, if you read a claim I've made, use it as a ramp to further check a story out.
I'm pretty much working "live" here, which is a another story.

I haven't had a chance to step back and compare, but the issues from, say, 105-150
were so different than what's on  now.

Back then, I was doing an issue every three weeks.
It varied, I remember once sending out two RL-LNW's in one day, but often it was weeks
between issues, sometimes over 30 days, and it was a different kind of comedy.

I'd write a rant about something on the 5th,
and re-write it twelve times and by the 14th,
after 40 re-writes in nine days,
I lost patience with it and just hit "send."

It might've been good, it might notta.

But the last hundred days probably saw 90 issues, with some instant, from-the-gut, no-time-to-reflect
kind of take on the news, which makes it soooooooo different from what came earlier.

Koresh as my witness, I'm not looking for a compliment, I just haven't (till now)
considered what a different medium them two am.* (homage to Smirk)

I need a mentor, some father figure to step forward and explain the comedy thing to me.
I know pieces, but I can't see the big picture.  Maybe someone could explain the subtle nuances
between multi-rewritten bad writing and instant,off-the-cuff bad writing, and bottomline it for me?
The last 20 months have been without a net.

Damn, I wish I knew what question to ask ...

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

Privacy Policy
. .