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Volume 562 - The Harlem Shuffle

(Put your ad here)

 August 20, 2001
 VCR Alert - The Choice Teen Awards are on tonight.  I'm going to watch just so I can see Gwen Stefani sing
 "Let me Blow Your Mind."  Plus, my good friend Ben Affleck is out of rehab (temp) to make an appearance.
 Question - This NOT a complaint. If I was going to complain, I'd do it outright. This is a question.
 Saturday, we did a full issue. Sunday we did a full issue. Now, for the sake of argument, let's say there are some people
 who read  every day. (Stop laughing!) When you come in Monday, do you just read to the bottom of the
 page, then stop? It appears that you do. You see, hits over the weekend are about half what they are during the week.
 (Which means you bad people are reading at work! - shame, shame) But the counter on the Back Issues page only
 registers about a hundred hits on Mondays, meaning the Saturday and Sunday issues went unread by half of you.
 I guess it's possible that half the readers just aren't into "back issues," but there was some good stuff (not really)
 in the Saturday and Sunday issues that, according to the counter, about 98 percent of half of you haven't seen,
 which leads me to my question - Should we take weekends off?


 "Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it."
   -- the appointed Failure in Thief


Subject: The Bartcop Hex

I would just like to know when you're going to put the bartcop hex to good use,
considering how successful it has been against Tiger Woods.

Please please tell me you have grand plans for a political hex.


Michelle, don't worry.
Smirky has a Bartcop Hex  in his future - big time.

 Stem Cells
  by FR. Mushroom

 Click  Here

 Jamaica likely to legalize marijuana

  Click  Here

 The National Commission on Ganja - as marijuana is known here - also said Jamaica should allow
 the use of marijuana for religious purposes. This is important to the Rastafarian minority, who worship
 deceased Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie as a prophet and use marijuana as a sacrament.

 Y'know, I've never taken Mrs. BartCop on a cruise...

Follow Up
Why is Enron buying up California's water rights?

Click  Here

 How lame is that new Bob Patterson show?

 "Give me 30 minutes, and I'll give you half an hour."

  ...if you were trying to write unfunny dialog,
 you couldn't be so clever as to think of something that unfunny.

 That joke wouldn't have made Volume #0001 of
 and we all know how bad those early issues were.

The Woodman
Mr. Perfect
Joe Golfer
El Tigre
...comes in 29th at the PGA


 "We have to live now because no one gets a second chance.
   There is no Heaven or Hell. You either make the best
   or the worst of what you have now, or there is nothing."
    -- Maadalyn Murray O'Hair

  I believe we'd have peace in the Middle East, Northen Ireland, the Balkans
  Iran-Iraq, Pakistan-India and on and on - if more people thought like O'Hair did.

Mark McGwire, aka Steroid Man
  by a very confused and angry Carl D. Olson

 Click  Here


Subject: RE: Godfather II

The cop walking in on the Frank Pentangle "Frankie Five Angels" was part of the plan.
They never wanted to kill him, they wanted to make him think Michael tried and failed to kill him.
That's just my interpretation from seeing the picture 20 times.

As for the money never making it to the island, Fredo was careful to not let the porter at
the airport touch the brief case. I assumed it was a dummy and Fredo was told not to open the bag.
Again, no other evidence.

Of course, you know that the guy that played Johnny Olav (sic)
now plays Uncle Junior on The Sopranos.


I hadn't considered that move on Roth's part - good thinking.

The Bush Family Evil Empire's Profiteer List

 Click  Here

 Bookmark this page or something, but keep it handy.
 These names will pop up again and again with hueueueuege government freebies.

 They stopped the government for three years to see if Vernon Jordan might have
 tried to get Monica a job, but when the Bush Family Evil Empire
 wants to give away BILLIONS to Bush's friends, the whore media remains silent
 because Mr Rove doesn't like it when people interfere with Bush Family business.

 ...thanks to David E Romm

Cotton Comes to Harlem
 Why Clinton is a real brother

 Click  Here

 I think there is another thing that many white pundits just don't get when
 they attempt to assess black attitudes toward Bill Clinton. African Americans
 really relate to Clinton's cool-under-fire tenacity.   As Congressman Rangel said
 during his introductory remarks on that stage in Harlem, we saw it as no accident
 that the same people who were out to get Bill Clinton were out to get us first.
 That may be a tad hyperbolic, but there are many in the black community who
 believe that the only reason Bill Clinton was hounded so vociferously as
 President is that he was a friend of black America.

 A Meet the Press Moment

 Tim the Whore had Lawrence Lindsey, Bush economic advisor as his first guess.
 It went like this.

 Whore: The Democrats say you guys are robbing lockbox funds out of Social Security
               to pay for massive tax cuts for the wealthy - true?

 Lindsey: No, Tim, of course not. You see...

 Whore: Hey, that's good enough for me - no need to explain.  You see, I work for Jack Welch,
              and he needs a huge tax cut, and I'm his boy whore, so there's no need to explain.
              Besides, you guys are doing a great job.
              So, let's talk about important matters.
              What do you think about Gore's beard?
              Isn't Gore like, the biggest load on the planet? (laughs)

Follow Up
Bill Clinton Trading Card ordering info

Click  Here

 Smirky's dog "Spot" tries to escape
  He needs your help

 Click  Here

 Picture war heats up
   See BartCop get beat up

 Click  Here

 If you must indulge your adolescent fantasies,
 put your stupid, not-even-vaguely-related-to-the point pictures
 on a labeled link so I don't have to see them.
 How many pin ups do you see in Newsweek or Time?


 Can I escape this trap?

State's rights enthusiast (and Bush voter)
David Duke represents the GOP

The Genius of George W. Bush
  by Frank Rich

 Click  Here

In fact, everything Mr. Bush said is false. His decision was completely about politics.
It will slow the progress to breakthrough therapies and cures. It did force the pro-life
movement he ostensibly endorses to cross a fundamental moral line. And yet the politics
were so brilliantly handled and exquisitely timed, for the August dog days that few
vacationing Americans bothered to examine the fine print, which didn't arrive until the final
seconds of an 11- minute speech. Few have noticed, at least not yet, that the only certain
beneficiary of this compromise is George W. Bush.

 by Steve Young   as seen on

Click  Here

ha ha

I wonder who he was thinking about when he wrote this?

 The "Bush is Lying" list over at Bushwatch
 is getting longer and longer every day.

 Check it Out

The Tiger lovefest has gone too far
  by Cary Estes    Birmingham Post Herald

This just in: Tiger Woods had a cheeseburger for lunch.

That might as well be the type of reporting we're getting from the PGA Championship,
considering the news media's slobbering attention toward all things Tiger.

Woods is at even-par 140 midway through the PGA, which means he barely made the cut. Yet judging
from the reports coming out of Atlanta, one would think that Woods was running away with the tournament.

First of all, when it became official that Woods had made the cut, the Associated Press ran an "urgent" bulletin
declaring such. The AP's "urgent" bulletins usually are reserved for truly important events, such as deaths and wars,
not for golfers shooting even-par.

ha ha

Then AP golf writer Doug Ferguson wrote a story that buried the lede so deep that coal miners
would have had a hard time finding it. It took six paragraphs before Ferguson got around to telling us
that David Toms and Shingo Katayama were in the lead with PGA Championship record-tying 131s.

It was 11 paragraphs before he mentioned that Phil Mickelson was only one shot back in his quest
for his first major title.  In paragraph No. 19, Ferguson actually wrote, "lost in the hoopla over Woods
making the cut was more record scores."    (Uh, Doug, you happen to be creating the hoopla).

And finally, way down in the 21st paragraph, he grudgingly informed us that 44-year-old Mark O'Meara
had shot a 63, setting a course record, tying the PGA record for lowest score in a major tournament and
becoming the oldest player to shoot a 63 in a major.

Naturally, in his next paragraph, Ferguson quoted O'Meara ... talking about Woods.

Come on, this is ridiculous. There is absolutely no justification for placing that much attention on a player
who is nine shots out of the lead.  Maybe, just maybe, come Monday we actually can read about who won
the tournament. And, of course, what Tiger had for dinner.

Boy in the Bubble
 by isaac peterson

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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