Fair and balanced - just like Fox News


Press Rules

Weak & Ashamed

The Myth of the
Liberal Media

 BartCop Store

New to BartCop?

Clinton Miracle

 BartCop Forum


Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!
 PayPal to  bartcop@bartcop.com
 .Support Bartcop.com
 PO Box 54466....Tulsa, OK  74155



Back Issues
Bart Cook
BartCop Sports
BC Entertainment
Demo U-Ground
Contact us
Eric Alterman
Gene Lyons
Joe Conason
Mike Malloy
Project 60
Smirking Chimp
Vegas Report
Your Ad Here



Volume 907 - Project 8643

click for great toons

 Wednesday   Oct 16, 2002 


"Hitler doesn't concern me at all - besides, he's probably dead, anyway.
  What we need to concentrate on is regime change in Italy."
    -- Winston Churchill, August 3, 1944

 Not really, but wouldn't Churchill sound as stupid as Bush if
 he said there was no reason to go after the guy who bombed them?

 Jeb Bush hopes drugs laws apply to Noelle 
  Disagrees with Florida judge who make cocaine legal for Noelle

  Click  Here

 "I see pictures of her when she was 3 or 4 years old and I vividly remember that,"

  Bush said. "But now she's 25 and the laws apply to her as they apply to anyone else.
  I just hope the laws apply to her like anybody else.

 The laws do not apply to the Bush Royal Family.
 They can do cocaine and get caught and a judge will rule the arrest illegal.
 Dubya's minor daughters can drink alcohol openly in any bar in America.
 Their friends can murder Japanese with a submarine and get it covered up.
 Kneel can plunder any savings and loan he wants to.
 Grandpa financed Hitler's war machine.
 Poppy can sell weapons to terrorists and not pay any penalty.
 President Happy Crack can go AWOL, use cocaine, drive drunk, hide his arrest record,
     phoney up Harken books and even have a unconstitutional VP from the same state.

 ...but as long as Clinton's zipper isn't involved, it's not a crime.

 The excuses they use
   by R. Robot

 What President Happycrack did to prevaricate a movement is the act of a formerly important loser,
 and smear campaigning that will not soon be forgotten by the American people. Beyond Germany,
 it's difficult to identify any country where anti-Americanism is on the upswing. Before it's too late,
 we must establish pro-war challenges. We owe it to our children. After all, this is a man who has
 tried to kill the President's dad.

 The most curiously bitter of the liberals, Al Gore, misrepresents George W. Bush again.
 "Is there any evidence that Iraq 'thinks they might want to team up with terrorists,' as the
 President said?" he said in a special appearance on The Simpsons. Really? Isn't it clear by now
 that a madman has already tried to kill the President's dad? The proof that our mission is fair
 and patriotic is that it's so risky.

 President Happycrack, what kind of a man are you?

 From the liberal auto-slur site  inksyndicate.com/warbot

 Subject: Bush's Ballistic Blunder

 Hi, Bart.

 Resident Pathetic has said that he doesn't believe that gun fingerprinting may
 be very accurate, but that he and his people would look into the matter.  (Yeah, sure.)

 Do you think ballistic science ever played a significant part in convicting any of
 the prisoners that g.w. helped execute when he was governor of Texas?
 I'll bet it was plenty accurate for him when he approved of killing all of those people.

 Central K-Drag

 Bush is in favor of anything that promotes more killing.


"There is no risk reduction from using a condom."
    -- "Doctor" Laura, lying her ass off about abstinence for teens after
         admitting our coed military can't keep their hands off each other

 Are you better of than you were two years ago?

"Are you better off that you were two years ago?", is a common question asked
 just before an election. Usually it's the theme of presidential elections, but so much
 has happened in the last two years that it's time to ask the question now.

 Two years ago we had peace and prosperity. Now we have war and poverty.
 They say the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, but in the last two years
 even the rich got poorer. People's life savings wiped out due to corporate thieves
 who now control the government. The Patriot Act stripped us of our civil liberties
 and we now vote to provoke a war with Iraq when virtually ignoring the terrorist
 groups that blew up the world trade towers. America now has secret courts and
 spends its time spying on our own people. Our government is lawless and out of control.

 So - when you go to the polls ask yourself if you are better off that you were two years ago.
 Do you want to continue to support the people in office who vote for war, poverty and
 oppression, or people who support peace prosperity and freedom.

 Marc Perkel
 San Francisco, CA.

 Subject: Dowd

 Glad to see that you have buried the hatchet with Maureen Dowd
 over the hatchet she buried in Al Gore.
 Because now she is all over Smrking Dick like crack on a Shrub.
 And we need all the allies we can get.
 Dan Stafford
 A Bartcop a day....
 keeps the fascist at bay....

 Dan, sorry to disappoint but I haven't buried anything with Dowd.
 She's a whore - she attacks whoever will make her the most money.
 Next time Hillary makes a headline, Dowd will attack her.
 Off the top of my head, the only person I've ever seen shed the "whore" label is David Brock.
 I believe Brock because he gave up many millions when he started telling the truth.
 He's an anti-whore.

 Wall Street/Washington insider spills the dirty secret of Iraq war
  Getting control of that oil will make a vast difference

  Click  Here

 In his October 7 speech, Bush, addressing the question, “Why Iraq?”, declared,
 “While there are many dangers in the world, the threat from Iraq stands alone
 because it gathers the most serious dangers of our age in one place.”

 There followed the standard litany of warnings of imminent Iraqi chemical and
 biological attacks on US soil, a looming threat of nuclear attack by Baghdad,
 and Saddam Hussein’s supposed links with the Al Qaeda terror network.

 There was one three-letter word that did not pass the president’s lips—oil.

 This war is about the B.F.E.E. getting richer using the lives of our young men.

 You know it.
 I know it.
 The American people know it.
 Bob Dole knows it.
 The GOP knows it.
 The press knows it, too, but they can make an extra dime calling the stupid Bush boy
 "Mr. President," and that extra dime means everything to a Republican.

 The Democrats know it, too.

"Bart! How mean you are!
  Bush is our president.
  We must do what he wants!"


"Bush's bluff -- if that is what it is -- should be called. Either he can prove
 what he said about the Iraqi regime being in league with al-Qaeda or he cannot.
 If he is misleading the public about the threat, he should not be followed into war."
    --David Corn, thenation.com

 Rush caught lying again
  What are the odds?

  Click  Here


 Frasier has become such a wretchedly unfunny show, I don't even watch anymore.
 Just a couple of years ago, it was one of the funniest shows in all of TV history.

 The last episode I watched had Frasier and Niles pulling into a parking lot,
 then Frasier changed his mind and tried to leave but parking attendant Coffin-boy
 (from NYPD Blue) said he had to charge Frasier a two dollar minimum.

 For the next 22 minutes, Frasier whined about the unfairness of that.
 There were no jokes, no funny dialog, no story and no plot.
 Now that Kelsey Grammer is making $1.7M per show, the show sucks.

 You'd think it would kill them to watch one of their repeats, like those classic episodes
 where six of them are in six different rooms in a cabin in the woods,  and A has a crush on B,
 but B is gay, and C knows B is gay, but A doesn't, then D mistakenly goes into the wrong
 room and E makes the wrong assumption and nobody and everybody ends up getting F'd.

 Some early Frasier episodes had better writing than most $50M Hollywood feature films.
 Now they sit in a parking garage and whine about two dollars.
 It's become must-not-see TV.

Smart liberal radio

click for details
Listen to Mike weekdays


"Writing about that fraudulent flag-waver Ralph Reed reminded me how prevalent
  a certain brand of pseudo-patriotism is in his circles. Pat Robertson, Reed's old boss
  at the Christian Coalition, used to claim he had served in Korea as a "Marine combat officer."
 (In fact, his Web site still suggests that he somehow earned three battle stars.)

 The truth, revealed by two former members of Congress, was that Robertson's father,
 Virginia Sen. A. Willis Robertson, used his influence to get the future televangelist out
 of combat duty. Instead, he held down a soft job at Marine headquarters, where he was
 known as the "liquor officer." The full unflattering story, including Robertson's
 boomerang libel lawsuit, is told here."
    -- Joe Conason's Journal

 Steve Largent (R-Rel-Insane) is in debates to be governor of Oklahoma.
 He can't lose because he once played football.
 Football is God in Oklahoma.
 Football even trumps race in this Koresh-forsaken dust bowl.
 How do you think Uncle O.J. Watts won his races?

 ...but how totally stupid is Steve Largent?

 He's so stupid, while attending a fund raiser for his first House seat, he had to ask others
 what "GOP" stood for. In Oklahoma, that means he's as stupid as the other Okies so he's
 seen as "one of us," a trick pResident Happy Crack uses to his advantage.

 But it gets worse...

 Largent confessed the other day that he didn't know about September 11th until September 13th.
 Where was he?
 He was in in the woods of all-white Idaho, killing defenseless animals .
 ...but that's not what made the local headlines.

 Largent uses vulgarism in television interview

  Click  Here

 Largent, a football star turned politician who resigned from Congress to run for governor this year,
 was hunting in Idaho on Sept. 11, 2001. He didn't learn of the attacks until he emerged from the
 woods Sept. 13, but in his absence, his staff issued a statement indicating his reaction even
 though staffers were not in contact with him.

 Like with Bunnypants, his staff does all his thinking for him.

 Fun with Math

 Stock Market + Clinton = Tripled

 Stock Market + Bush = Cut in half


 Who said it?

"Obviously, it's not a very serious day, not a very
 serious vote and nobody places any credibility on it"

 Who Said It?

A. Gerhard Schroeder, German Chancellor, on the Bush 2000 'election'

B. Ari Fleischer on the Iraqi election held this week

C. George Bush Jr., on the democratic election of President Hugo Chavez of
    Venezuela, in a speech supporting the attempted Coup against Chavez in April.

 The BarFest Vegas slideshow!


 Thanks to Steve!


 The BUDsterization of America by the Bush Cabal,
        by Al Martin

  Click  Here

 The BUDsterization of America is almost finished. Because of Bushonomics,
 the American people are becoming BUDsterized. They are in other words, Broke, Useless
 and Depressed, i.e. BUDsters. This was a phrase I created which was popularized for a while
 and then everybody started using it. People would call in on radio talk shows and say,
"Al, I've been BUDsterized." And everybody knew what they meant.


"...but Rush, we spent $100 million investigating Clinton's sex life,
  but the biggest bankruptcies in America go uninvestigated?"
   -- caller who got past Rush's call screener

 When the stock market drops 400 points...

 ...Bush's good puppy media tells us "it's all Clinton's fault."

 The next day, when it bounces back 150 points,
 so they say "this is more proof Bush's plan is working."

 The next day, the market drops another 350 points
 Bush's good puppy media says "it's all Clinton's fault."

 The next day, when it bounces back 120 points,
 so they say "it's more proof Bush's plan is working."

  The next day, the market drops another 300 points
 Bush's good puppy media says "it's all Clinton's fault."

 The next day, when it bounces back 80 points,
 so they say "it's more proof Bush's plan is working."

 Meanwhile, the market has lost 700 points, so he creates a war that
 makes his family richer and his good puppy press has more reasons to praise him.

 It would be funny if we weren't being robbed of half our savings.

 Friday Night Political Football
    by Paul Corrigan  22 April 2001

  Click  Here

 Miller's obscure historical and cultural references are what make him distinct.
 Miller may be smart, but he's not smart enough to know that he is selling his soul
 and buying the devil's ticket. Miller is sliding down Dante's Inferno faster than
 a wet ass riding a chute at Water Country.


"He said he was honoring the requests of his adoring fans."
    --Fox's Robert Zimmerman, explaining why Geraldo Rivera signed
       the ends of Hooters waitresses while covering the sniper in Washington.

  Fox - always the classy network.

 When District Attorneys Attack

 The LA Times says LA police made 13 felony arrests in 2001 for shoplifting.
 In every case, the District Attorney let the defendant plead to a lesser charge.
 But the DA is publicity-hungry so Ms. Ryder must be singled olut for punishment.

 Also, Ryder had two Percocet in her purse, and a valid prescription, but the scumbag DA
 must be getting wood tarring her with a "Ryder in drug arrest" headlines

 Why do they file charges they know to be bogus?
 Just to see the headlines?
 Apparently so.

 Remember, these are the same boneheads who blew the O.J. Simpson trial,
 the same boneheads who smeared Paula Poundstone with child sexual abuse charges,
 the same boneheads who covered up LA police complicity in the Biggie Smalls murder,
 and now they're going after Wynona Ryder like she was a member of the B.F.E.E.

 Fortunately, Ms Ryder has my good friend Mark Geragos on the case.
"It's unfortunate it's taken them 10 months to do this," said Mark Geragos
"I applaud them."

 Geragos said prosecutors had evidence almost immediately after Ryder's arrest
 that she had a prescription for the two pills, a generic form of the painkiller Percocet.

"The worst thing you can say is that she was trying to save a couple of bucks,"
 Geragos said in reference to the generic pills.

 Full Story


"The Boze Wave radio ranks with the light bulb in today's technology."
   -- Paul Harvey, the lying horse molester, just now.

 Oil breaks $30 a barrel

 The more Pres. Pinhead screams "War in the Middle East!"
 the more profit his oil buddies are going to make.

 The big oil companies think Bush is a good president

Harmony Cedar

  Vegas Stories

  Click  Here


"We need to think about Saddam Hussein using al-Qaida to do his dirty work,
   to not leave fingerprints behind...

 Please forget that he could be describing his Dad's relations with bin Laden in the eighties...

 "This is a man who we know has had connections with al-Qaida."

 Please forget that Reagan and Bush had connections with al-Qaeda in the eighties....

  This is a man who, in my judgment, would like to use al-Qaida as a forward army."
    --Dubya, at Dearborn, 10/14/02, describing what his father did to create
       al-Qaeda in the eighties to battle the Russians who invaded Afghanistan.

 I wonder how many Bush-provided Stinger missles bin Laden has left?


Subject: Goofy Campaign Ads

We have a doozy of an ad playing here in MA for Mitt Romney.
It was supposed to save him, but it hasn't - not at ALL.

Apparently, his focus group guy told him that despite his being a devilishly handsome rake
who looks GREAT in a crew neck sweater over an Oxford shirt, women don't much like him.
So, he did an ad where he sort of chronicles his early relationship with Mrs. Romney.
We learn that they met when she was 15, and their first date was a prom (hers? his? who knows).

Romney, whose dad was the district manager for AMC, or something like that, cruised up
in his BRAND NEW Marlin to pick her up. She says she hated the car, and he agrees,
that it was a really ugly car and sort of embarrassing. To sum up to this point, we've learned
that he was dating an under age girl, in a car which was given to him, but which he hated.

Next, he tells us that he worked nights at Stanford as a security guard to make the money to
fly home every weekend to see the future Mrs. Romney. They both giggle over the fact that
his parents had NO IDEA he wasn't back at Stanford, studying. Okay, so he snuck around
and lied to the parents who GAVE HIM A FREE FUCKING CAR, which he didn't much like!!!

Where did he stay? Did they stay together? Did she lie to her parents, too? Did they have premarital sex?
I'm speculating here, but I bet the answers are The No-tell Motel, Yes, YES, YES and YES!!!!!

The last scene is the Money Shot you've probably heard about.
Mitt and his boys frolic playfully in bathing suits, rasseling the way men do, and pushing
each other into the water. It's supposed to thrill us gals but, truthfully,  I'd say it's probably
helping him most with the Log Cabin Republicans who should be voting for him anyway.


 BartFest report
     by BartCop, don't miss this

  Click Here

The Pieman


 Vic the Crazed Racist is taking Thursday off.

 Our next issue will be Friday.
 Help me lose this day job.

 Support  bartcop.com
 Help us get the truth out!

 Click below to become a Corona Light volunteer for just $5 a month

The eternal gratitude of the entire BartCop Team, and the
    satisfaction of knowing you have made the hammer higher.

 Our silent benefactor is still matching all new subscriptions.

 We've got to build a bigger hammer.
 The illegal President Dimm Sonn needs to be stopped.

 Click  Here  to donate large.

Shopping online?
Use the portal below and they'll throw bartcop.com  a nickel


Search Now:  
In Association with Amazon.com

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2002, bartcop.com

   Shirley Manson of  "Garbage"


Privacy Policy
. .