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Volume 987 - The Toxic Texan

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 Friday    January 31, 2003 


"This, truly, is a good man … There is a profound authenticity to him, and a fearlessness too …
  More and more this presidency is feeling like a gift. I felt at the end of the speech not roused
  but moved, and it took me a while to figure out why. It was gratitude. "
   --Peggy Noonan, Making Everybody Gag, opinionjournal.com


 If Bush is fearless, it's because he's never been in a fight that wasn't fixed.
 He's never tasted defeat because daddy always purchased victory for him.
 He's never accomplished anything his entire life - he's a wisp of smoke.

 He went to Yale on a legacy.
 He joined a National Guard unit that was full, and went AWOL.
 He fronted dry oil companies in Texas because daddy bought them for him.
 He "owned" the Texas Rangers because they needed a backslapping figurehead.
 He became governor of Texas because daddy called in some favors and he stole
 the White House because BIG oil knew billions would be lost if Al screw-the-combustion-engine
 Gore won and took America into the future.

 He can't spell "cat" when you spot him the "C" and the "A."
 He can't chew pretzels without parental supervision and he can't
 find Mexico on a map even though he screwed a hundred hookers there.

 Noonan gushes about "a profound authenticity to him.'
 If Bush is so goddamned "authentic," why can't he reveal his arrest record?

  Yahoo Headline
 Bush: Decision on Iraq to come in 'weeks'
  Another lie from an administration of lies

 We've already heard the decision to invade Iraq was made September 11th, 2001.
 When those planes hit the WTC, Bush, Cheney and Rummy thought,
 "We'll blame this on Saddam. This gives us an excuse to invade Iraq."

 This story is over a year old, but Bush's good puppy media still wants us to think
 he's "struggling" over the decision about when and if to steal that oil.

 Remember when we had a president who lied about his ex life,
 instead of lying about risking the lives of a half million of our bravest?


"There will be a reaction to the events in Iraq."
  --Pakistani Foreign Minister Khursheed Kasuri warning
     that war casualties could inflame his citizens.

 If Pakistan falls to Al Qaeda, and American city will probably be
 the victim of a nuclear bomb that same year. And when that happens,
 Bush and his good puppy media will say it's all the fault of Bill Clinton.

 Remember during the 2000 campaign, when Bush was asked who
 was in charge in Pakistan he snipped, "I don't know, ...do you?"

 There are times when I wish I was religious.

 Does Nelson Mandela read  bartcop.com?

"It is a tragedy what is happening, what Bush is doing in Iraq.
  What I am condemning is that one power, with a president who has no foresight,
  who cannot think properly, is now wanting to plunge the world into a holocaust."
  Full  Story

 Go Nelson!
 Nelson Mandela is nobody's whore.

 I ate a soy burger just now.
 Vic said he could make a soy burger that was so good I couldn't tell it was soy.
 I'm glad I didn't bet, because I would've lost.


"And I also want to assure [Italian Prime Minister] Silvio [Berlusconi] that should
  we require military action, shortly after our troops go in, will go food and medicine
  and supplies to the Iraqi people. We will, of course, win militarily, if we have to."
    --Dubya, sounding like Patton, Jan. 30, 2003

 Make him stop!

 We'll win militarily ...if we have to?

 Make him stop!

Marty's E! page
Is Shania human?
Tippi Hedren (Birds) got a star
Homer Simpson's e-mail
The White House is afraid of poets
Arnold had surgery (to remove his accent?)
ABC & NBC will have dueling Michael Jackson specials
Mike Tyson and Meg Ryan?
OJ's daughter called the cops!
Congress is picking on Clear Channel (Laura, Pigboy)
Bon Jovi headlining 'Tiger Jam'
...and more!


 Subject: Laura Sluttinger

 Bart - your wrote:

> "Every time Laura the Unloved screams at some woman on the phone,
>  she's actually screaming at her recently deceased mother. That explains everything."

 The article was like a lightswitch - it makes perfect sense. How can a guy like you,
 with no doctorate in physiology, have such insight into the human psyche?

 ...ain't nuthin' to it...

In all seriousness, that explains every word I've ever heard Frau Doktor utter.
The first time I heard her, I was cruising along a the mountains of Virginny.
Of course the show was like any other. Some apparently troubled person called in.
The show was filled to the brim with her usual browbeating and general abuse.

I remember after turning it off  that two questions occurred to me.
First, what sort of person finds themselves in trouble and thinks of calling Dr. Sluttinger for help?
Do they actually think she helps people?

The second question is what sort of person finds that show "entertaining".
Is it the same people who call in? Good SHARKEY, Col. God, if Laura, the abused and unloved,
has achieved her apparent level of success in the ratings, there are an awful lot of stupid and
self-loathing individuals at low tide running loose in this country.

Anyway, your article explained exactly why she acts so damn belligerent all the time.



"There's a -- some of the greatest programs, initiatives come out of
  our faith-based programs or faith-based churches or synagogues or mosques."
    --Dubya, Washington, D.C., Jan. 30, 2003

 Oh - My - God.

 "faith-based churches?"

 He can't be that stupid, ...can he?
 It's just not possible that he can be this stupid, is it?
 I think I have 100 IQ points on the unelected idiot, and I only have 64...

 Subject: Larry King and Bob Woodward

 I watched Bob, "I am a serious big boy journalist" Woodward on Larry King Monday night.
 Bob might as well sit w/ a bucket under him to catch the spew as he talks about King George II
 and what a wonderful man he is. It's downright disgusting. Woodward, Russert and the rest of
 the corporate media shills are a joke. We no longer have a free press in the USA.
 We have a government controlled press.

 These pathetic pundits are no more than stenographers for this administration.
 I did notice last night on Donahue that Tim-meh seemed uncomfortable when Donahue brought up
 the meeting between King George and the corporate stenographers on the morning of the SOTU.
 They meet with King George II and then go out and commence the administration's spin.
 They ought to be ashamed.


 MM, they're not ashamed - a whore's job is to bring home the cash
 and Woodward and Russert are very good at their jobs.


"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein,
  the history of Saddam Hussein and his willingness to terrorize himself."
     --Dubya, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Jan. 29, 2003

 These quotes have to be fake!
 It's not possible to be this stupid, it's just not!

 Crackhead Bob on Howard Stern never said anything that stupid.

 Susan McDougal's West Coast schedule

 Unchained and talking

 Dutton's Books of Brentwood, Los Angeles, February, 4, 7:00 PM
 Barnes & Noble Los Angeles on Grove Street, February 6, 7:30 PM
 Borders San Francisco in Union Square, February 8, 4:00 PM
 Barnes & Noble in Emeryville (in the East Bay), February, 10, 7:00 PM
 Borders Seattle on Fourth Avenue, February 12, 2003, 12:30 PM
 Elliott Bay Books in Seattle on South Main Street, February 12, 2003, 5:30 PM

 The Practice

 As my previous testimony will corrobberate, I think (actress) Alfre Woodard rules.
 She's on this two-parter The Practice, second part being this coming Monday.
 You want to see some great acting?

 Part 1
 Alfre is a loon who went of her psyche drugs and shot two kids in the park.
 They arrested her, put her on drugs that made her sane, which meant she was sane
 enough for a trial, but the sane Alfre wouldn't have murdered the two kids - get the picture?
 Well mow that she's been convicted, she's due to be executed next week.

 Eleanore figures the only way to save her life is to take Alfre OFf  the sanity drugs,
 and let her go crazy before the judge to prove she's not sane enough to be executed.

 If this was almost any other actor, you couldn't PAY me to watch.
 But Monday night, we're going to see Alfre Woodard fall right off her cracker.
 Write this down, she will get the Emmy nomination. Hell, they should just engrave her name
 on the statue now, and I haven;'t even seen her performance yet, but it will be superb.

 Back to Part 1
 About halfway thru the episode, on Eleanore's instructions, Alfre went off her drugs.

 ha ha

 Alfre was in the early stages of her descent into total madness.
 All she needs is Lloyd and a shot of  Jack Daniels and Alfre turns into Jack Nickolson.
 She started getting antsy, ...wringing her hands, ...pacing back and forth across the room,
 a little jumpy, ...heightened senses,  ...everything she sees and hears multiplied by ten...

 Come Monday, she'll slide all the way into total insanity.
 Hey, you kids out there ...flirting with an acting career?
 You want to see how it's done?
 This is a performance you need to see.

 If Leo was here, he'd say, "Watch this!"

I wish I was in California tonight
sharing shots of Chinaco with this guy.
Happy Birthday, Larry-by-the-sea!


"History has called the United States into action,
  and we will not let history down."
    --Dubya, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Jan. 29, 2003

 Hey Dumbass!
 Tthat was Unka Dick telling you to steal that oil, not history.

 2 good 2 be 4 real

 Click  Here


"George W. Bush covets the oil in Iraq...
  What Bush wants is to get hold of that oil."
   --Nelson Mandela speaking at the International Women's Forum, 01/30/03

 Most of the world thinks like Mr Mandela and Ol' Bart.
 The American press wants us to think the world is with Bush on this war.
 Everyone knows what a phoney bastard Bush is, but the press props him up.

 Subject: Why hasn't anyone mentioned this?


 I've yet to find anyone who was outraged on the directorial
 choices made on ABC during the SoTU address.

 When Bush said that he was going to urge Congress to "eliminate frivolous
 malpractice lawsuits," ABC cut to Sen. John Edwards for a shot of him (seething, I assume).
 When the idiot mentioned the words "malpractice" and "high cost of HMOs,"
 why didn't they cut to Frist?


 ha ha

 Good one!
 Maybe ABC was waiting for Bush to say, "Kitten killer!"


 Subject: you dont know what your talking about


 If Clinton's tax increases in 1993 (from everything from social security to gas and cigaretts)
 where responsible for the boom time of the 1990's, then why dont the dems proposd tax
 increases now to "save the economy". 

 Excuse me, but you want to know why the minority party doesn't propose a bill
 that is certain to not make it out of committee, certain to never get a vote on the floor
 and certain to be vetoed by a president backed by both houses?
 What would be the point?

 Because Bush is writing the book and they are playing catch up.
 I doubt Bush can read or write.

 Dems have not come up with a new idea since the depression, and even then, it did not work.
 ha ha
 What a monkey thing to say!
 The Depression was caused by a Republican and fixed by a Democrat, FDR.
 (He fixed it with increased government spending, too)
 Kinda like the Reagan/Bush mess was cleaned up by Clinton, only to have
 the Commander in Thief give the surplus to the super-rich, causing the current recession.

 You liberal are just stuck in the past, and conservatives are winning the arena of ideas.

 If that's true, why did your side lose the last three popular votes?

 You  guys are a laughing stock

 Yeah, you may be right about that one.
 We are a party of scared and whining ninnies.
 I'm glad you got one right.

 Scott Gorney

 P.S Clinton was elected because he ran on conservative issues

 Rush says Clinton was the most leftist, Stalinist, Leninist, reactionary Maoist of all time,
 yet you say he ran on conservative ideas?  Which of you is lying?

      ...also, he did not win a majority of votes either time.

 ha ha

 He got a lot more votes than your guy.
 Same thing in 1996, same thing Gore got in 2000.


"The president is grateful to the many European leaders who obviously think differently.
 He understands there are going to be people who are more comfortable doing nothing
 about a growing menace that could turn into a holocaust. He respects people who differ
 with him. He will do what he thinks is right and necessary to protect our country,"
     --Ari Fleischer, reacting to Nelson Mandela's comments

 Translation: "F" that nigger.

 Poor Britney

 After years of claiming "I'm a virgin," she apparently has finally discovered the joy of sex
 and contrary to what you might think, it's not a pretty sight.

 Press reports say she spent the night with Colin Farrell, who gives Jay Mewes a run
 for foulest-mouth in Hollywood, and Fred Durst of Limp Biscuit the weekend before that.
 Apparently, Justin got a "you owe me" boink the weekend before.

 I mean, I guess no man is going to tell her 'No," but shouldn't she have to pass some kind
 of maturity test if she's going thru Hollywood's less-than-finest like Hitler thru France?
 I'll bet she's Whitney Houston before the end of the year.



 Thanks for hammering Miller and linking to the story about Warren Zevon. I opened about
 ten shows for him in New England in the early 80's  (he requested me) and many of his fans
 became some of my most ardent supporters. He is a great and brilliant man. He will still be
 teaching us long after his too soon departure.

 I know why you liked Miller, when you liked him because he still had good writers. Now he
 has guys who can be pushed around and think all you need is a formula. So he has become
 a parody of himself-- except now he has no one around who will stand up to him. I think we
 will see him turn up somewhere in the FOX empire very soon. What a miserable asshole.

 And fuck everyone who gives us shit about typos and other tiny details. I am trying to finish
 a book, write quips, work on a new CD, prepare a new weekly column and people e-mail
 to compalin about niggling details. Hey, hire me a copy editor, you fucks.
 What should we do, reduce our rates?
 ha ha

 You sell a few measly ads and I have never solicited 5¢ on my site. Fucking ingrates.
 Anyway, keep up the great work and let me know if I can ever help in any way.


 Note: Barry Crimmins is the man.


"His lack of education is more than compensated for
  by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."
    --Woody Allen


 Human Shields

  I am surprised at the support Ken O'Keefe has.

  Click  Here

 It would not be the first time in history that brave souls willing to lay it all on the line changed
 the course of a nation. You ask: what will the deaths of those people in Baghdad accomplish?
 Maybe nothing, maybe everything. I ask you: if nothing is important enough to you that you
 would be willing to lay down your life for it, then what is your life really worth?

Subject: Flowers for Helen Thomas

Hi Bart,

Helen Thomas is such a great, relentless and rare journalist that so many of us admire.
She catches a lot of hell and hate mail for standing up and exposing the lies of this admin.
Julieinduvall had a great idea on the forum to send Helen flowers on Valentine's Day,
showing her how much we appreciate her work.

There's an email address for paypal donations. We need to move soon.
People need to go to http://www.paypal.com   and put in:    sam@imapunk.com

MWO is going to add the info to their site, and if you could, that would be great, too.
Helen is a hero to a lot of us, and this would be a wonderful way to honor and thank her.


Sanda, I agree.
Helen is the only one in the room with the stones to ask Ari questions.
She's how many journalists were pre-Clinton.


"Brian Regan, a retired Air Force sergeant and Star War doll collector wrote to Saddam
 that he would supply him with classified satellite imaging information for $13 million dollars.
 No classified material was given to anyone and no money received. George Bush and his
 happy little Christian executioner John Ashcroft are presently to trial asking for the death penalty.
 In Cowboy George’s State of the Union address his most emotional hokum was to give an angry
 look into the camera to say Saddam Hussein said  any Iraqi who gave out weapon information
 would be killed, along with their families.” Then a long pause so we could all digest just what a
 bloodthirsty asshole Saddam is. George W. Bush is only half the bloodthirsty asshole Hussein is."
      --Rack Jite, Two Bloodthirsty Assholes, rackjite.com

 Subject: What the F, bart?

 Who was that woman with the beer from the last 2 days?
 I was completely drawing a blank, so who is she?
 Spill the beans man!


 I don't know...
 It was in my picture folder - it could be a year old.
 I lightened the picture, got more clues, but still nothing.

 Maybe Regan sent this, from one of his Demo charity functions?


Keep wielding the hammer!!

Here's a donation, Bart, wish it could be more, but like everybody else,
I'm feeling the stranglehold of Version 1.5's sorry excuse of an economy!!

ha ha

I look at what Stranger and Take Back The Media did in scrubbing Fatboy's
online page of all its sponsors and think, "**WE** did that!!"

We can do more, Bart!! We **WILL** do more!!
In the meantime, keep up the great work!!
We appreciate it!!

Love ya,

 Does Mr. T read  bartcop.com?

  Click  Here

One, Two, Three,What are we fightin' for?

Well, come on all of you big strong men,
The Family Bush needs your help again.
Got himself just a bit off track.
Wants to go start a war in Iraq.
Lace up your boots and pick up a gun.
We're gonna have a whole lot of fun.
And it's One, Two, Three,
What are we fightin' for?
Don't ask me I'm not comin' back.
Prob'ly gonna die in Iraq.
And it's Five, Six, Seven
Open up the pearly gates.
Well shut your mouth and don't ask why.
Whoopee! We're all gonna die.
(second verse)
Well, come on Exxon, Don't be slow.
You bought this war. Now go, go, go.
You wanted to drill on foreign soil.
And it's no big thing to trade blood for oil.
Just tell us we're doing it to make them free.
Just like WE used to be.
(repeat chorus)
Well, don't confuse George with the facts.
Cheney's planned out all three acts.
Bush says we've got to get that Saddam
'Cuz he interferes with Poppy's plan.
And while Ari Fleischer talks and talks,
You're kid comes home in a box.
(repeat chorus)
 Thanks to WA

 Is  bartcop.com  worth $5 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

  Thanks to Bruce Yurgil

 They own the TV networks, the major papers and talk radio.
 The Internet Resistance is all we have.

 Click  Here   to get BartCop Radio sooner rather than later

Visit the all-new 


"And, most importantly, Alma Powell, Secretary of Colin Powell, is with us."
     --Dubya, too damn stupid to wash cars, Jan. 30, 2003

  Please God, this is the man who is protecting us from a nuke-u-ler threat?
  What did we do to anger you so?

 Have a job opening?   Need a job?

  Over 30 resumes, but since we're under illegal occupation, nobody is hiring.

  Visit the resume page

  Click  Here  to e-mail your resume to Ed.
  Send him whatever details you want published.

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