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 Weekend    February 1-2, 2003 


ďThe dictator of Iraq is not disarming. To the contrary; he is deceiving.
      -- Monkeyboy, SoTU address

"Saddam Hussein is not disarming. He is a danger to the world. He must disarm."
      --Dubya, White House, 01/31/03

"If he is going to disarm, he must start disarming. That's the only thing
  he needs to talk to the inspectors about, is, here, I'm disarming."
      --Dubya, White House, 01/31/03

 Looks like the Monkey can only remember one trick at a time.

 I got the shuttle news from Yahoo.
 Unlike a newspaper, Yahoo treats all news stories with the same size print.

"Gasoline prices decline by eight cents" gets the same size font from Yahoo as
"Shuttle breaks apart on re-entry; crew killed."

 You read that, and as your mind processes the words, they don't seem to make sense
 so you read it again, hoping for a different outcome  - but the words stay the same.

 I remember praising Dan Rather for being a rock of common sense when JFK Jr.
 disappeared, but not this time. Usually rather is tired when he starts babbling with
 that verbal incoherence that seems to bother people from Texas.

 I swear, early on, he said something like, "This is a tee-totally, bee-bodally disaster."
 I felt bad when I laughed out loud. All I could think of was Darryl Hammond doing Rather
 calling the B.F.E.E.-financed Florida rape in 2000. Like another Texan we know,
 when Rather goes off-script abd tries to speak, it just makes you laugh.


"Confronting the threat posed by Iraq is not a distraction from the war on terror."
     -- Whistle Dick Cheney

 Wait - I thought the oil war WAS the war on terror. It sounds like Cheney just said,
 "Our quest for free oil will not distract us from the war on terror."

 Bush's 2004 budget projects record deficits
  Say goodbye to your money, America - the B.F.E.E. is in charge

  Click  Here

Marty's Sunday E! page
A special bonus from Michael Dare
Reader comment on Shania
The Official Beer Of Ground Hog Day
Martin Sheen backs Howard Dean
Rosa Parks' bus
Kathie Lee's dog was eaten by a coyote.
(it's not funny)
Jane Fonda took her gift to Harvard back
Germany loves Roger Moore


The most accurate toon I've seen in a loooong time.
The Illegal Usurper and his obedient, good puppy press.
They will do anything to please their master.


"Bush made up his mind a long time ago about attacking Iraq. He needed time to activate
  national guard units around the country, time to transport the necessary equipment into
  the region, time to develop a strategy for a solid military victory, and time to get the country
  ready for war. So he outwardly gave in to the doves of the world, led by Colin Powell, while
  inwardly sticking with the chicken hawks, led by Cheney and Rumsfeld. But as we saw this week,
  Bush always intended to go to war. And even though he now claims to be ''sick and tired'' of
  playing the game, that's all he's been doing..."
   -- Juan Andrade, American people are being had, suntimes.com

 Clinton Assails Bush's Priorities
 Says Bush Tax Cuts Are Hurting Health Care

  Click  Here

'The first thing you ought to do when you find yourself in a hole is quit digging.
 They are looking for a bigger shovel.'"

I pity da fool that don't read  bartcop.com


"The Democrats' jejune claim that Saddam is not a threat to our security
  presupposes they would care if he were.   Who are they kidding?
  Democrats adore threats to the United States."
       --Ann Coulter, War-Torn Democrats, news.yahoo.com

        Ann Coulter

 The Justification for war
  Smirky can take a joke, right?

 Click  Here


 As a former actor and an award winning stage director, I can uniquely support
 your opinion that Alfre Woodard is simply one of the best there is.  I first saw Alfre
 in a small film called "Cross Creek."  If you examine her body of work, it runs over
 with skill, excellence, and diversity.

 Alfre Woodard, to me, is proof positive of the level of discrimination that remains
 in this country.  If Alfre wasn't black, she would simply be referred to as the best
 actress in American film.

 I highly recommend that you rent "Cross Creek" if you can find it.  And then,
 just for fun, rent "Heart and Souls," which is one of my favorite romantic comedies.
 Then watch her on "The Practice."  Prepare to be simply astounded that this is all
 the same woman.  The only woman I know that even comes close to her range is
 Meryl Streep.  She is the Chinaco Anejo of actresses.

 Jim H.

 Jim, good stuff.
 Something I didn't mention in the Practice review; the TV Guide said she was this
 condemned prisoner who was a week from being executed. But the first time we
 saw Alfre in Part 1, she was alone in her cell with another woman. Alfre was
 projecting such confidence, she appeared to be the doctor or the person in charge.

 She was trying to get the other woman to talk to her - reversing their roles.
 She finally said, "We cant start this conversation until your eyes meet mine."
 The lady finally looked up, and they finally got a conversation started, but the
 purpose of the scene was to show how professional and totally-in control Alfre was.

 By the end of Monday night, we will have seen the totally-in control professional
 slide all the way into the depths of a pychotic hell.  She's the best.

 I can't wait, and thanks for the note.

 Washington Anti-war Protest Jan 19, 03

 With the media controlling the Bush propaganda machine,
 how do we know this isn't indicative of the public sentiment everywhere?


"Hans Blix disputed several of Bush's claims about Iraq, saying that contrary to
  Bush's claims, there was no evidence Iraq is moving illicit material nor any evidence
  Iraq is sending scientists abroad to keep them from being interviewed, nor any
  evidence that Iraqi intelligence have penetrated his inspection team, nor any
  persuasive indications of Iraqi ties to al Qaeda. White House aides attributed
  the dispute to the language barrier. You see, Hans Blix speaks English."
      --Paul Begala, Crossfire, 01/31/03

 Maybe Bush could skip running or his Game Boy hour for some English lessons.
 Condi could teach him, he seems to react to her presence...

 Susan McDougal's West Coast schedule

 Unchained and talking

 Dutton's Books of Brentwood, Los Angeles, TUESDAY February, 4, 7:00 PM
 Barnes & Noble Los Angeles on Grove Street, THURSDAY February 6, 7:30 PM
 Borders San Francisco in Union Square,  SATURDAY February 8, 4:00 PM
 Barnes & Noble in Emeryville (in the East Bay), MONDAY February, 10, 7:00 PM
 Borders Seattle on Fourth Avenue,          WEDNESDAY February 12, 2003, 12:30 PM
 Elliott Bay Books in Seattle on South Main Street, WEDNESDAY February 12, 2003, 5:30 PM

 Go and meet Susan, buy her book, tell he she's a hero, and tell her "Hey" from Bart


"A record number of Americans watched Bush's speech the other night.
  Well sure they watched it, itís not like they have jobs to get up early for the next day."
     --Jay Leno

Dear Bart:

I have been amused for some time now with your comments on "Dr." Laura. I think they are dead on,
and I wish that the "liberal" media would stop kissing Un-elected Idiot's ass for a moment and really
delve more deeply into the harm she does to the poor clueless schmucks who call her radio squawk
show for help. Even "Frasier" a fictional television character played with brilliance by coke-and-stripper
connoisseur Kelsey Grammer is a more credible radio shrink than Frau Doktor Laura will ever be.

But then again, why feel sorry at all for the half-baked, semiconscious retards who call her show
for guidance and understanding? After all, aren't these the same lowest-common-denominator losers
who have made Fox News the number one news channel?

Thanks for letting me rant. I love your site, and I wish you continued success.
Keep fighting for the party of Kennedy and Clinton, and please don't stop
roasting the B. F. E. E.  over an open flame like the pigs they are.

John Smith,

 Amazing cartoon war played out by Clicking  Here

 Be sure and hit "continue" 25 or 30 times, then us

 and tell us if it was more funny or more scary...

"ThanK you, Slappy..."


"Since the Iraq crisis deepened, Washington's VIPs are all on lockdown.
  Condi, Rummy and Powell never go out anymore. By 10 p.m. Bush himself
  is tucked up in bed, allegedly sleeping like a baby. Powell's joke among friends
  is that he sleeps like a baby, too -- he wakes up every two hours screaming...
       -- Tina Brown, Waiting for war, salon.com

 VCR Alert - Richard Pryor - True Hollywood Story tonight on E!
 Buy, if there's ever been a story for these guys, Pryor is it.

 grew up in a brothel
 played hundreds of cheap smokey bars
 Ed Sullivan
 guns fired
 That Nigger's Crazy
 Bacardi 151
 did a little boxing
 jail time
 funniest man in the world
 Bicentennial Nigger
 a $50M check
 raising kids
 Blazing Saddles
 drugs, drugs and more drugs,
 did I mention drugs? lots of drugs
 Silver Streak
 ex-wives walking, ex-wives talking
 robbing liquor stores
 Heart attack? No thanks, already have one...
 lousy movies
 sex with Playboy bunnies
 extra-crispy suicide attempt
 king of all his peers
 Lincoln Center 1998
 The E! True Hollywood Story

Friends  let friends EAT FARMED SALMON
Support Alaskan wild Salmon fishermen!


"You failed as a campaign manager. I mean, thereís a difference between
  being successful and, anybody who works -- to work is to pray, I believe.
     -- Chris the screaming whore, Hardballs

  Has the Screamer contracted Dim Son disease?
 "anybody who works -- to work is to pray,"

 ha ha

"Never make fun of someoneís occupation. DeLay succeeded as
  a pest controller while you failed as a campaign manager.Ē
     --  the screaming whore, chastising Donna Brazile for making fun of
          former Texas bug-killing, Man of Poison, Tom DeLay, on Hardballs

 Chris, you incompetent liar and buttmunch. If the Supreme Court had jumped in and
 protected the bugs from Poisonman Delay, he would've been a failure at his job, too.

 Besides, Gore won that election.
 Brazile made a ton of mistakes, but Gore got the most votes.

Yo Bart,

Wanted you to know the site rocks. Every day I can take a brief vacation from the sucky
alternative universe that this country has become by dropping in at  bartcop.com   You've got
non-whore news and opinion, the always enjoyable spectacle of watching you spank dumb-ass
Republicans, and (my favorite part) the new Shirley manson photos with each edition.

So here's a check.
If the wongnuts can spend $60M on a hummer
I can spend $50 on a hammer.

David A

Click for More

 The Empty Chair

  Click Here


"Itís George Bush being the sheriff. Itís George Bush saying when
  it comes down to it, itís my responsibility and Iíll pull the trigger.Ē
   -- Howard Fineman of "Newsweek", after The Chimp's SoTU

 I agree with this idiot - this one time.
 If there's anything Smirky does well it's killing somebody,
 except for the one guy we all want dead - Osama who?


"I'm not so gung-ho for war. I think there needs to be a real debate. And because
  the Democratic Party and its cowardice, there isn't.  They haven't even addressed it."
    --Tucker Carlson, Crossfire, 01/31/03

 Tucker, with a rare brush with the truth.
 The Demos are such pink-tutu'd pansies, the GOP wants them to toughen up

 Does Chris Matthews read  bartcop.com?

"Iím afraid thatís the President at his least attractive. That kind of, I donít know,
  college fraternity master. 'We had killed the bad guys.í I donít know. Well, that is
  his death-row parlance isnít it? 'Make my day.' You think people like that, that,
 that almost giddy readiness to kill? You think they like that?Ē
  -- Screamer, after Dim Son's SoTU

 Hey Chris, if Bush is the Putz you say he is, why did you tell 500 lies about him
 being qualified and 500 lies about Al Gore (qualified) being a serial liar?
 Could it be that your opinion is for sale?


 Is  bartcop.com  worth $5 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

  Thanks to Bruce Yurgil

 They own the TV networks, the major papers and talk radio.
 The Internet Resistance is all we have.

 Click  Here   to get BartCop Radio sooner rather than later


"Last night I reported to you on the breath-taking hypocrisy of Bush, praising the work of the
  Boys and Girls Clubs, then reducing their budget $10 million.  The lesson, you can bask in the
  glow of a wonderful group even if you've cut its budget, because the press corps is so cowed
  by the Bush White House,  you can almost hear them moo.  Bush could not be reached for
  comment, he was too busy laughing his ass off."
    --Paul Begala, Crossfire, 01/31/03


"The thing I like most about Bush is that heís not Clinton."
   --Dennis Miller, on Leno, 11/06/02

 Dennis, I know peace and prosoperity are overrated,
 and I realize Republicans prefer Bush's war and recesssion,
 ...but don't you have some whore checks to cash somehwre?

 Have a job opening?   Need a job?

  Over 30 resumes, but since we're under illegal occupation, nobody is hiring.

  Visit the resume page

  Click  Here  to e-mail your resume to Ed.
  Send him whatever details you want published.

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