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America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now?
We can't fight alone against this monster
Quote of the Day
"He is not looking good. I hope for his sake,
Click to find out how ten people will see your ad for less than a penny.
"The greatest disaster to ever happen in our
country could have been prevented by Bush.
He has taken more vacations, more long week-ends, and more taxpayer financed campaign
fundraising trips than any President in history. Why was Bush taking a month off to vacation
just prior to 9/11 when he and his national security adviser had been warned repeatedly of its
imminence? Why did he fail to alert the American people? Is it too much to ask of the President
to stay on the job and not take a month's vacation if he has been told we might be attacked."
--Cheri Delbrocco, "Mad as Hell
Too bad the democrats won't call Bush on that.
Their silence means he didn't do anything wrong.
mad cow may be in 8 states
Wish we had a leader in the White House
Investigators have determined that some of the meat from the diseased dairy cow slaughtered
Dec. 9 in Washington state could have gone to Alaska, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana and Guam.
Earlier, officials had said most of the
meat went to Washington and Oregon, with lesser
amounts to California and Nevada, for distribution to consumers.
If mad cow is as contagious as they say, we in trouble.
They say the "harvesting" of the meat is what spreads the disease, which means
every other cow in the slaughterhouse must be assumed to be infected.
And every cow from that slaughterhouse that was shipped or sold?
All those slaughterhouses must be assumed to be infected.
And every cow from that slaughterhouse that was shipped or sold must be assumed to be infected.
I don't think it's possible to overstate this problem.
What I'd like to be hearing is disgruntled ranchers complaining
on all the cable channels
that the big, mean federal government is "overreacting" to this almost certain catastrophe.
Remember, it started with just Oregon.
Then they said we should include Washington and northern Idaho.
Now they're talking about eight states!
How many states will be affected a week from now?
Do you own stock in McDonalds or Burger King?
Too bad we have an acting president who believes in relaxing the
and thinks business ethics should be regulated with the honor system.
If my search engine worked, you could check the back issues.
In many rants about "less government," the first example was often "fewer meat inspectors."
Let's hope the damages from Bush's latest blunder will be merely financial.
"For years, as a Colorado River guide I told
people how the Grand Canyon was formed over the evolutionary
time scale of millions of years. Then I met the Lord. Now, I have 'a different view of the Canyon, which,
according to the Biblical time scale, can't possibly be more than about a few thousand years old.'"
--Tom Vail, Attribution
I'd better not...
evacuations from Iraq near 11,000
But don't worry, Bush and Rummy say things are going great
The total number of wounded soldiers and medical evacuations from the war in Iraq is nearing 11,000,
according to new Pentagon data provided in response to a request from UPI.
The military has made 8,581 medical evacuations
from Operation Iraqi Freedom for non-hostile causes
in addition to the 2,273 wounded -- a total of 10,854, according to the new data. The Pentagon says that 457 troops have died.
The Pentagon's casualty update for Operation
Iraqi Freedom listed on its Web site, however,
does not reflect thousands of the evacuations.
It is a toll the country has not seen since
Vietnam, said Aseneth Blackwell, former national president of
Gold Star Wives of America, Inc., a support group for people who lose a spouse from war.
"It is staggering," said Blackwell.
Blackwell sometimes visits Walter Reed where
some Iraq veterans get medical care.
"To see these guys walking around up there with an arm missing, a leg missing, that is when it hits you in the face," said Blackwell..
It's important that the major media cover up the facts and keep
us in the dark.
Bush must be elected to the presidency no matter how many soldiers die.
If we have 11,000 soldiers with arms and legs blown off, we should look past that
and thank the Invisible Cloud Being for sending us George the war hero and fighter pilot.
Subject: Clark vs Bush
I was hoping you could help me with something.
I have searched the web high and low
and have been unable to find a "side-by-side" comparison of Wesley Clark's accomplishments
(intellectual and military) versus the unelected chimp.
Do you know of or could you direct me to such a list?
Any help would be appreciated!
I love your website!
No, but I'd enjoy seeing that, too.
If anyone finds one of those, please contact us at email@example.com
By the way, the Chimp has no military or intellectual accomplishments
Cowboys lose again
Quincy Carter looks over at the bench
after being sacked in the fourth quarter.
That means it was a good weekend.
Chickenhawk of the Day
Visit www.chickenhawkcards.com for your deck.
Media Free America
I swear, I leave you people alone for a few years, and look what happens.
When I left, you had a robust economy, budget surplus, and a Bill of Rights that was intact.
The U.S. was respected as a protector of freedom and democracy in the world, not the aggressor.
Don't make me come back there!
I'm with the Chicks. I'm ashamed of the
actions of the Bush Regime. Bush is the most devious,
short sighted, narrow minded, arrogant, spoiled rich kid to ever reside in the White House.
Together with his cabinet of neoconservative 'christian' fanatics, he is taking you back to
the Dark Ages and putting the world in danger.
Bush with the shit
kicked out of him
'Quick Thoughts' by Baron Dave Romm
'Celebrity Poker Showdown' on NBC tonight
Walter Cronkite, PBS & New Year's Eve
Stevie Wonder in Japan
Willie Aames is 'Bibleman' no more
The creator of 'Amazing Live Sea Monkeys' has died
And a bunch of links
Cyber Blackmail Wave Targets Office Workers
Cyber blackmail artists are shaking down office workers, threatening to delete computer files
or install pornographic images on their work PCs unless they pay a ransom, police and security experts said.
The extortion scam, which is believed to
have surfaced one year ago, indiscriminately targets anyone
on the corporate ladder with a PC connected to the Internet.
It usually starts with a threatening e-mail
in which the author claims to have the power to take over
a worker's computer through an exploit in the corporate network, experts said.
The e-mail typically contains a demand that
unless a small fee is paid -- at first no more than $20 or $30
-- they will attack the PC with a file-wiping program or download onto the machine images of child pornography.
If Marc Perkel
hosts your website, you don't have to worry about stuff like this.
If a blackmailer contacts you, just tell him Bart says "Suck on it," and go back to reading bartcop.com
Perkel is Montecore when it comes to free speech.
He's just the kind of host a guy like me needs.
Oh, and Karl Rove doesn't scare him at all.
Clark's new TV ad features Bill Clinton
Wesley Clark's new television commercial includes a clip of him and Bill Clinton.
It's the first ad of the 2004 campaign to include Clinton, arguably America's most popular Democrat.
The clip is only a few seconds and shows
Clinton walking from a podium at the White House to place
the Presidential Medal of Freedom over Clark's head, honoring his fellow Arkansan for his work in
Kosovo as NATO supreme allied commander.
Another smart move by the man most likely to send Bush back to Crawford, Texas to talk to the cows.
Michael Jackson used to live at Neverland Ranch.
He says he won't live there again, after 83 LA detectives moved everybody out of the estate,
then locked the doors and searched the place using knives on the mattresses
But the point is, Michael Jackson is more
of a rancher than the fake president.
Jackson didn't buy a ranch so super-lazy and super-stupid reporters would call it "a ranch."
to make billions in Iraq
Halliburton struggles to manage costs
Halliburton estimated that the plant overhaul would cost $75.7 million, but in early September,
Bush asked Congress for $125 million to do the job - a 40 percent price increase in just six weeks.
That's $50,000,000 right in the B.F.E.E.'s pocket.
I'm so old, I remember when the Democrats used to fight GOP excess.
We love Dubya because he's so brave and honest!
It's hard to do comedy about Halliburton, because much of comedy
But you can't exaggerate what Halliburton does because they've done it already
That's another $50,000,000 that you and I will have to pay in taxes.
Best TV shows of 2003
by the once respected New York Whore Times
1. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Comedy Central has the best late night talk show - better than Leno, Letterman or Conan O'Brien.
Mr. Stewart, who is acidly funny about everything, describes Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman as the candidate
for "people who want to vote for Bush but don't think he is Jewish enough."
• Jon Stewart's Perfect Pitch
There's no doubt, Stewart is much, much
funnier than Leno or Dave.
One reason - he doesn't do five year old blow job jokes one after another.
He's hungry and he works at comedy - he's not lazy like his super-rich, so-called "rivals."
All praise to Jon Stewart.
Subject: 2003 Political Dot-Comedy Awards
I wanted to let you know that BartCop has
once again been nominated for the
2003 Political Dot-Comedy Awards. The category is "Most Entertaining
Left-Wing News & Commentary," and voting is currently underway.
You can view the awards page here:
Congrats, and keep up the outstanding work!
About.com Political Humor
Usually we don't put much effort into these,
but it would be awful to come in dead last, which is where we are now.
Subject: Tiger Woods
Thanks for your good natured response to
my email and even publishing it
on Bartcop even though it was at the bottom of the page. lol
I remain a big fan of Bartcop even though
we disagree on Woods.
Have a great New Year.
Dana, that's interesting, the bottom of the page thing.
Some advertisers have asked that their banner not be placed in the lower half of the page.
Does that mean some people only read half the page and then leave?
Sometimes the last bit is the best one.
Pope John Paul II pressed his campaign against gay unions Sunday, calling for greater
defense of the institution of marriage between man and woman and saying a "misunderstood"
sense of rights was altering it.
The pope's comments came amid a Vatican
campaign to crack down on same-sex unions,
which have won legal boosts in recent months following landmark court decisions in Canada,
Massachusetts and elsewhere granting increasing legal rights to gay couples.
I'm going to say something positive about the Pope.
(Religious readers are shuddering...)
At least he's consistent in that he's against divorce, too.
The joke Jon Stewart
stole borrowed from
was a good one:
The people most in favor of "saving" marriage are on their second or third wives.
...but then again, I've yet to hear the Pope demand zero tolerance for raping children.
BartCop radio Show #19 - The Bill O'Reilly beatdown
I'm not like most radio gasbag blowhards.
I don't worship myself and I don't constantly wallow in my "greatness."
Yesterday, Mrs Bart faintly hinted that she might be able to tolerate
hearing some BartCop Radio.
She has to live with my rants and outburts and screaming at the TV, so there's no real reason for her
to want to hear BCR, so I'm thinking she wanted to hear Tommy Mack work his magic.
Like an idiot, I put on Show 19 - the O'Reilly beatdown, (a non-Tommy show) and I couldn't believe the language.
At one point, as I was smacking O'Reilly around, I said,
"Bill, you don't even have a sac to put balls in."
which solicited an "Oh my," from Mrs. Bart.
When I record a rant, I remember if there's some giant flub I
need to go back and edit, but as a rule,
I don't listen to the shows. So I was shocked and surprised whern I heard 19. There was all kinds of
words that most Americans use, but I don't think it's vulgar. Vulgar is calling Chelsea the White House dog.
So if you listen to the shows in the members section or order
the CDs via snail mail, you might want to
listen to them when your parents or the kids aren't around first. I don't use that language to shock,
I use it because when I'm talking about a son of a bitch like Rush or O'Reilly - it just pops out.
The last three (professionally mixed) BartCop Radio Shows on CD for just $25.
If you PayPal, mention your address, OK?
Expert Warned That Mad Cow Was Imminent
So six weeks ago, Dr. Prusiner Sec of Agri Veneman's office with a message.
"I went to tell her that what happened in Canada was going to happen in the United States,"
Dr. Prusiner said. "I told her it was just a matter of time."
Ms. Veneman's response (he said she did
not share his sense of urgency) left him frustrated.
That frustration soared this week after a cow in Washington State was tentatively found to
have the disease. If the nation had increased testing and inspections, meat from that cow
might never have entered the food chain, he said.
"We wish we had been killed, not them. They
were so young."
- Kobrah Nejad, who lost four children in the earthquake in Iran.
If you have something important send it to Sam at firstname.lastname@example.org
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"If we had strong leadership in the Democratic
Party, they would be calling those
other candidates and saying, `Hey look, somebody's going to have to win here.
If Ron Brown were the chairman, this wouldn't be happening."
-- Howard Dean, criticizing Terry McAuliffe, for not intervening to tone down the debate.
Gawkers in Paradise
My adopted home town. Just looking at it gives me Vegas Fever.
The scene: this was exactly what had drawn us to Las Vegas. Go ahead and roll your eyes, casino managers,
but we happen to be clueless, incompetent gamblers. You might call it a character flaw. We invariably watch,
slack-jawed, as our money rapidly, and senselessly, disappears from the gaming tables. No, what we wanted
to sample at Disneyland in the Desert was a smorgasbord of spectacle itself.
They have everything in Vegas except, sadly, Siegfried and Roy.
Roy Horn home for the holidays
Roy Horn returned to his Las Vegas home Monday after two months at a California medical center
where he received special treatment for the stroke he suffered after being attacked by a performing white tiger.
Horn's partner Siegfried Fischbacher "had wanted him home for the holidays and now he's home," publicist Dave Kirvin said.
"An advisory panel (chaired by Brent Scowcroft)
has found that the White House was desperately
searching for evidence of Iraqi nuclear transgressions when it included a discredited claim in last year's
State of the Union address. The Washington Post reports that a source familiar with the findings of the
president's Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board says the panel has concluded the White House made
"no deliberate effort to fabricate" the claim that Iraq had tried to buy uranium in Africa. Instead, the
claim was written into the president's speech as part of an effort "to grab onto something affirmative"
about Saddam Hussein's alleged nuclear program."
-- CBS/ Associated Press Attribution
If you didn't check in the last few days, you missed our best issues ever.
Click Here for Volume 1225 - Calling all Curs
1226 - Pardon my Backfire
You'll be glad you did.
"They've liquidated true investigative journalism
-- it's expensive and comes back with uncomfortable findings.
So news has become the lowest common denominator, which is why you see sensational crime coverage, you see
Laci Peterson and Kobe Bryant all the time, you see celebrity gossip, which is really just a form of pornography."
-- Robert F. Kennedy Jr., his dad would've been proud of him Attribution
Clark Focuses on Southern Votes
The New Hampshire primary is less than a month away, but Wesley Clark will spend the waning days
of 2003 far from the North. Instead, he will barnstorm across eight Southern states, even though most
of them do not hold their primary elections until well into March and many Democrats expect their
presidential nominee to have been chosen by then.
The unusual campaign swing is meant to demonstrate
what General Clark's campaign says is his strength
in a region where Democrats have not fared too well in recent national elections and thus to portray him
as the best alternative to another candidate, Howard Dean,
This is a very, very smart move.
Maybe Clinton is the stealth director of Clark's campaign, but Clark seems to know that Dean is going to
peak too soon or somehow blow the hueueuege lead he has in this race. Like a good poker player,
Clark is sitting back, waiting for his chance and he's betting that his time will come.
You can't win without winning the South.
Clark knows this, but does Dean?
Has Dean spent any time on the South?
Maybe it's buried in the mail, but I still haven't heard how Dean
will beat Bush.
To my eyes, all Clark has to do is stand there.
The debate moderator might even call him "General."
American soldier body count in Iraq
Last issue it was
....this issue it's
more families destroyed since the last issue.
Plus, at least
wounded for Bush's illegal oil grab.
Yet, CBS says it's over 11,000
"You just don't know how great it is to have
a husband who would write a poem for you."
-- Pickles Bush, talking about her brain dead husband who did not write the "Roses are red" poem!
Tonight's repeat of the Vanessa Marcil Show (NBC calls is Las
Vegas) is a good one.
She wears those half shirts better than anyone in Hollywood.
You start off with Sonny Corleone, probably the most famous hothead
in cinema history.
He's in charge of security at the casino and he's ex-CIA, probably part of the B.F.E.E.
Some scumbag drugs and kidnaps his daughter and tries to
rape her, the fabulous (acts like Tom Cruise) Molly Sims.
This makes Sonny very, very angry.
There are security cameras everywhere, so Sonny gets to witness her abduction after the fact.
At one point, the scumbag is trying to move her and Molly puts
some Kung Fu on his ass and Sonny says to himself,
"That's my girl."
Those three words are reason enough to watch, but wait till you see what Sonny does to the guy.
Sonny and Freckles take the scumbag out in the desert, mob-style.
Sonny says some mean things
to the scumbag, then puts a very small (I'm surprised) gun to his head while Freckles begs him not
to blow the guy's brains all over his nice, Ivy League suit.
It's the best acting I've seen from Jimmy Caan in a decade.
When Sonny wants to show anger, he's got the right tools to do it.
Hey, it's not The Godfather, it's not The
Sopranos, it's not even Joan of Arcadia,
but every TV season should have a show about Las Vegas.
Sonny and Vanessa Marcil make this show worth watching.
Right after, NBC demonstrates their funny way of presenting hit
They premier these hit shows (Celeb Poker, Queer Eye) on Bravo, which nobody watches,
then they repeat them on NBC which everyone knows how to find.
Tonight it's Celebrity Poker, starring The
They play poker like it's their first game ever, but it's still kinda fun.
If you want to learn how to play really bad poker, watch this show tonight.
Wouldn't it be something if Martin Sheen showed up at Pokerfest 2004?
The front page of today's USA Today recalls the superstars we lost this year.
Bob Hope, Katherine Hepburn and Celia Cruz.
I'm sorry, but I have a rule:
If I've never heard of you, you can't be a superstar.
Bob Hope was an American pillar, as was Hepburn, but who is Celia
Oh sure, I could look her up, but who has the time?
(If Celia Cruz is your favorite, don't get hysterical and write
a snippy, hissy-fit e-mail.
Whoever she is, she doesn't belong in the same category as Hope and Hepburn.)
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Year of the Liar
Many in America still trust Bush
On Survivor, Johnny Fairplay had a friend tell him -- in front of the cameras, cast and crew -- that his
grandmother had died. The scheme worked; the other players were choked up and conspired to let Jon
win the reward challenge. Later, when teammates questioned his loyalty, he was quick to swear to them,
on his grandmother's grave, that he was being true to his word.
When Johnny Fairplay lied, nobody died.
Something on your mind?
Then listen for your voice on...
You have two minutes to speak your piece.
Effort to Promote U.S. Falls Short
The government's public-relations drive to build a favorable impression abroad - particularly
among Muslim nations - is a shambles, according to Republican and Democratic lawmakers,
State Department officials and independent experts. They say the effort, known as public
diplomacy, lacks direction and is starved of cash and personnel.
Pardon my French, but because of Bush, the
whole world fucking hates us.
You can't rape a woman and kill her husband, then buy her an ice cream cone and make everything OK.
Bush was very clear before he bombed Baghdad:
"We're going to murder Iraq with or without the UN, but either way, we're taking him out."
Our "president" is the most arrogant prick in American history.
America won't be respected again until a Democrat sits in the White House.
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Dean: Dems doomed if he loses nomination
Dean said Sunday that the hundreds of thousands of people drawn to politics
by his campaign may stay home if he doesn't win the Demo nomination,
dooming the Democratic Party in the fall campaign against the never-elected murderer.
"If I don't win the nomination, where do you
think those million and a half people, half a million
on the Internet, where do you think they're going to go? I don't know where they're going to go.
They're certainly not going to vote for a conventional Washington politician."
Hmmm, ...isn't it a little early for Dean to be endorsing Wesley Clark?
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Wesley Clark Krugman Conason
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It had everything.
Copyright '© 2003, bartcop.com
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The Packers made the playoffs
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.
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