• HUMOR • ENTERTAINMENT • CHINACO ANEJO • POKER • SPORTS • GARBAGE • REVENGE
Show 56 is Up
Radio links below
1419 - A blood red Crayola
Advertise with Bart - Get lots of hits...
Weekend Oct 9-10,
Mike Malloy on AAR weeknights
"We all had our debate moments, but the one
that stunned me was,
"Iraq is hard work. I see it on the
Watching it on TV -- boy, that is tough
work all right.
And what was the "hard work" thing about?
Did Rove poll and find out people think
the president vacations too much?
-- Molly Ivins, knocking 'em dead Attribution
Who won the debate? * 1,281,529 responses
Pres. Bush 36%
Sen. Kerry 64%
To test the system, I tried to vote twice
and it wouldn't let me, so this is semi-scientific.
With over a million responses...
Subject: Show 56 feedback
As a subscriber and contributor from the
once liberal oasis of Oklahoma, Norman, I want you to know
that I read BartCop daily and look forward
your shows. Since I subscribed, earlier this summer, I haven't
missed a show and each has been most entertaining.
56 was no exception. With excellent commentary,
comedy and music, it was loads of fun listening
and watching the light show on my iTunes viewer.
One little piece of advice, if I may, don't
work yourself into a coronary trying to debate the Lying Monkey.
Remember, it's like trying to teach a pig
to sing ... it can drive you nuts, and it only annoys the pig.
By now I know you've reviewed the Cheney/Edwards
slugfest. I wouldn't even attempt to debate the Snakehead.
Have you ever before heard so many lies
and distortions crammed into two minute sound bites? I think Edwards
was superb just trying to answer about
one in five. I'm afraid even your Chinaco wouldn't
get you through a
point-by-point with the Evil One, and we
can't have you strokin' out on us ... we need you around!
This old fart, for one, needs belly laughs
to keep his juices flowing and some reinforcement that reasonable
folks haven't donated their brains
and joined "The Cult". Keep up your good work, and keep hammering!
he'd never met Edwards?
two of them worked up a dance routine in 2001.
"Of course not, the system is rigged,"
-- Ralph Nader, admitting that he won't win a single state Attribution
He should admit the only reason he's staying in is to siphon
votes away from kerry to help Bush.
Subject: Before somebody
Bart, you wrote:
> Before somebody says, "That's the battery pack for the microphone,"
those are usually
> clipped onto a belt - we assume he's wearing a belt, so what's
it was an armored vest, idiot.
go stand on a stack of bodies, people can
hear you better from up there.
Bart.cop the female stalker
who hides behind Bart.email@example.com
Well yeah, ...duhhhh, the Smirk campaign says that's not the case.
The Bush spokesmen say you're full of shit. (See Below)
So far, I have no facts to refute their likely assertion.
campaign denies Monkey was wired
Aides Laugh Off 'Wired Debate'
A still photo from television footage of
Bush as he debated Kerry on Sept. 30 in Fla.,
appears to show a small, boxy shape between
the president's shoulder blades.
Campaign officials declined to discuss it
they weren't certain a
bulge even existed and do not want to
appear to take seriously what they consider a "wild accusation."
My party is so weak and such a joke, they
just f-ing taunt us.
They taunt us because they know
we don't have the courage of 6 year-old girls.
"They weren't certain a bulge even existed?
Do your eyes not work?
How do you look at that picture and say, "What bulge in his back?"
They know the Demo Mice are too timid to say,
"Screw you - it's a big-ass lump, ...visible
to all honest people.
If you say you can't see it, you're
nothing more than a f-ing liar!"
Clarification for Nitpickers:
I didn't say that it was a secret listening device on
I said it was a pronounced
square lump on his back,
and how dare the press whores look in the camera
and say, "Lump? Do you see a lump?"
Yes, we all see the lump.
It's smaller than Mount St. Helens, but YES it's
clearly a lump!
How much of your personal information is available to anyone searching
Would you like to know?
Find out now - Click Here for a FREE trial
Moore Lambasts Bush While Watching Debate
"Let's get ready to rumble," Moore shouted, perched
on a podium in the center of Williams Arena
during a stop on his so-called "Slacker
Moore, flanked by three bodyguards in dark
suits, threw $100 bills into a baseball cap every time
he felt the president lied, and at one
point suggested that Bush should be tried in the international criminal
Moore said at the end of the debate that
he threw $2,000 into his hat -- $100 for lies,
$50 for misstatements, and $10 for funny
looks on the president's face.
"Last resort? That's $100 right there," Moore
said, after Bush said Bush invaded Iraq as a last resort.
"I've never given money to a Democrat or a Republican
presidential candidate," Moore said,
"but what we raise here tonight, I'm going to
donate to John Kerry."
an Edwards rally!
I heard that guys like Rodney and Buddy
Hackett were freakishly funny in clubs
but worked "blue" and did the snoozy chit
on the side for tv and movies.
The only dirty joke that comes to mind is
off an old album I have ( yes vinyl ). It is--
"I went to church and some guy in a robe tells
me love thy neighbor as I love myself....
what am I supposed to do? Jerk him off
"My old man didn't help, either. One time I
They sent back a piece of my finger.
He said he wanted more proof!"
"At my age, if I don't drink, don't smoke,
and eat only certain foods,
what can I look forward to? From this
point on, if I take excellent
care of myself -- I'll get very sick
"Last week my house caught on fire. My wife
told the kids,
'Be quiet, you'll wake up Daddy.'"
"I was a very ugly child. When I was born,
the doctor smacked my mother."
`I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture
of the kid who came with his wallet.''
"We were so poor that if I hadn't been born
a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with!"
``I could tell that my parents hated me. My
bath toys were a toaster and a radio.''
"You know what the trouble with me is?
I appeal to everyone who can do me
absolutely no good,"
"I was on a date and we ran into a guy she
knew and she introduced us.
She said, 'Steve, this is Rodney. Rodney,
this is goodbye.' "
"I was lost at the beach once and a cop helped
me look for my parents.
I said to him, 'You think we'll find
them?' He said, 'I don't know, kid.
There's so many places they could hide.'
When Dangerfield was asked how long he
would be in the hospital for his last operation,
he responded with a typical quip: ``If
things go right, I'll be there about a week,
and if things don't go right, I'll be
there about an hour and a half.''
part about being stuck on that island
being able to hear my BartCop Radio!"
Here to listen to a sample from BCR Show 56.
mini-beatdown of Rudy the Liar.
Subject: Michael Moore
with Bartcop emblem
Michael asked me if Bartcop was still against
He said he thought it started at the Academy
I said, No, Bart was behind that. He liked
I said as far as I knew Bart had always
I had just given him a card that read:
"Thank you for standing up when no one else
in the public eye did.
The dead, those who gave their lives
for a better world, will rest easier for what you did."
He took a long time to read it. And was
moved by it and said he thanked me very much for saying that.
He's smiling in the picture.
He said he was glad to know everything was
OK with Bart - he was happy to have it cleared up.
Marguerite, thanks for that. I wasn't Michael's biggest
fan in 2000, when he was
helping Nader, but then I heard he pulled away from Nader before
to give Gore a better chance at beating He Who Giggles When He
But Moore has done so much good in the last
I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a fan of
Don't Americans Care?
"It seems hard to believe. But the general rule
of thumb is that major cities are slightly more attuned
due to aggressive media saturation and
how issues tend to make themselves known more urgently,
more immediately, whereas Middle America
is a scattershot conglomeration of the politically apathetic
and the actively disenfranchised, full
of people far too busy with their lives and kids and jobs and zoning out
on "Fear Factor" and "Monday Night Football"
to care about following the elitist, ever dire dramas
playing out on the nation's gilded stages.
Most Americans, in other words, have no
idea what the hell a Halliburton is. Or a Karl Rove.
Or a Donny "Shriveled Soul" Rumsfeld. Or
a Lockheed Martin. Or a Carlysle Group. Or have any idea
that Saddam had nothing whatsoever to do
with 9/11. Or that WMDs were never found. Or that Bush
has taken more vacation time than any president
in U.S. history. Or where Iraq is on a map."
Make them stop!
I saw Rodney in concert in the early '80s...
The newspaper estimated that Rodney told
300 jokes in the 3 hours he was on stage..
After a heckler in the audience yelled, "What
do you do for a living?"
Rodney responded: " I find guys for
...nothing but respect.
By popular request...
with Dubya" line in the BartCop
Dubya, the Presidiot, went into the den
of the residence and picked up his joystick and video game controls.
Mrs. Bush entered the den and said, "I
am going to bed, can I get you anything before I go to sleep?"
"Yeah, I would like a peanut-butter and jelly
sandwich. That would be fabulous."
Laura picked up the phone and paused for
three seconds before she said, "The same sandwich, please.
Thank you and good night." She hung up
the phone and without looking at her husband, she left the room
saying, "Good night, Mr. Prezeedent."
Dubya squinted across the room for a few
minutes, staring at space. After four or five minutes, he picked up
the phone quietly and whispered, "Six thirty-threes,
pronto, por favor." And as if they were waiting for his call,
there was a knock on his door in less than
five minutes. A male staffer was there with a Champaign bucket full
of six Rolling Rock beers.
Subject: the bulge on Bush's
I think I have come up with a solution to
what the bulge was under the Crawford Mistake's jacket.
If you look at the bulge and follow it
up to the shoulders, you can see the outline of a vest.
The despicable coward was wearing body
Our soldiers in harms way over in Bush's
crusade don't have the protection they need,
but apparently the bubble boy feels the
need to be protected from Jim Lehrer.
Keep swinging the Hammer!
Plus, let's not forget Bush wants everyone in America to carry
loss for Bush
by Gene Lyons
Bush seized upon a phrase from the debate
and twisted its meaning. "Senator Kerry last night
said that America has to pass some sort
of global test," he told a jeering audience in Allentown, Pa.,
"before we can use American troops to defend
ourselves.... Listen, I'll continue to work with our
allies and the international community.
But I will never submit America's national security to an
international test. The use of troops to
defend America must never be subject to a veto by
countries like France."
Almost needless to say, Kerry said almost
the opposite. He affirmed that "the president always has
the right and always has had the right
for pre-emptive strike." He said he would never compromise that,
but would act in a way that "passes the
global test where your countrymen, your people, understand fully
why you're doing what you're doing. And
you can prove to the world that you did it for legitimate reasons."
In short, Kerry thinks the president should
act like the leader of a democracy, with what the Declaration
of Independence called "a decent respect
for the opinions of Man-kind." It's no surprise that a callow
impostor like Bush pretends to misunderstand
Bush a Dope?
LA Times editorial thinks so...
Does this man think through his beliefs
before they harden into unwavering principles?
Is he open to countervailing evidence?
Does he test his beliefs against new evidence
and outside argument?
Does his understanding of a subject go
any deeper than the minimum amount needed for public display?
Is he intellectually curious? Does he try
to reconcile his beliefs on one subject with his beliefs on another?
It's bad if a president is incapable of
the abstract thought necessary for these mental exercises.
If he is capable and isn't even trying,
that's worse. It becomes a question of character.
When a president sends thousands of young
Americans to kill and die halfway around the world,
thinking about it as hard and as honestly
as possible is the least he can do.
I listened to BCR Parts 1 & 2 of
Show #54 - you made some really good points.
It's really good to hear your voice when
I listen, and for the first several minutes,
I sit there and think "Wow, this is
MY uncle that I'm listening to on the internet - Cool!"
My family knows?
DeLay: Time to Resign
by Faun Otter
in a bartcop.com exclusive
Did I say that DeLay didn't have the clout
to affect the outcome of a lawsuit?
Ahh, there would be a possible exception
to that if the plaintiff was the US government......
Did you happen to read the Justice Department
statement released on May 3, 2004?
I didn't think so. I do wish you'd bother
to keep up with such things.
In a separate case, Johnny Ashcroft's DOJ
team sued Cracker Barrel for violating Title II of the Civil Rights Act
by engaging in a pattern or practice of
discrimination against African-American customers and prospective customers
basis of their race or color. The investigation
found 50 different Cracker Barrel restaurants which had racism problems
80 percent of the staff had experienced
or witnessed discriminatory treatment of customers at a Cracker Barrel
The DOJ resolved the matter with a huge
punishment. They made Cracker Barrel post signs saying they don't discriminate.
Subject: Friday night's
Two presidential debates and two clear wins.
John Kerry is going to be the next president
of the United States, and more people know
it now than just two short hours ago.
Tonight, George Bush had another chance
to make his case to the American people. Again he failed.
Again, he showed that he is out of touch
with reality on Iraq.
Again, he offered no plan for jobs and
no plan for cutting the cost of health care.
Again, he pretended that our problems don't
Again, he refused to level with the American
George Bush just doesn't get it, so he
can't fix it.
John Kerry held George Bush accountable
for the failures of the last four years.
He demonstrated the strength and character
we need in a president.
He made it clear he could lead as commander
John Kerry offered real solutions to real
problems. He told America the truth, and offered a plan
for a fresh start on the economy, Iraq,
and the war on terror. Simply put, he was presidential.
Ironically, the president was not.
Right now, I'm here on the front lines in
St. Louis. Down the hall is what they call the "spin room."
It is where Republican operatives are trying
to put their best face on what was another clear victory for John Kerry.
I've done this a few times before, and
I can tell you firsthand that my job is a lot easier when our candidate
has a big night like John Kerry did tonight.
I know, and more importantly John Kerry
knows, how hard YOU are going to work
to make sure the Bush campaign doesn't
spin this debate.
To take action, visit the Democratic
Party's Debate Center website:
Vegas Dave is back with a bigger, badder Vegas Report!
Friday, a few of us got together in the chat room
to watch Kerry pimp-slap the Giggling Murderer.
This is not a transcript of the debate.
It's the "excited utterances" of about 40 of the 120 people in
It's hours and hours of reading, but if you give it a look,
I'll bet you stay longer than you intended.
If Bush wins, you'll
need bartcop.com to stay sane.
If Kerry wins, the media
will do their very best destroy him.
Why not subscribe, and we'll go thru this
teachers, military and AARP only pay $5)
Bonus Pay for a one-year subscription ($100)
and get the last three shows on CD delivered to your door!
They'll play anywhere - in your computer, in your car, in your
home CD player.
to subscribe instantly
Here to purchase a year of BCR and get your free CDs
a check with your e-mail address to:
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
Absentee Ballot Favors Crooked Bush
Here to see the crooked GOP ballot
Notice how there is an arrow next to every
candidate you would like to vote for.
Except for the Presidential part of the
ballot. The arrows are OFF by ONE candidate.
So if you wanted to vote for Kerry you
would actually mark the box for Bush....
are coming through for me as promised.
As long as we don't get caught, my eye won't twitch..."
babes are for Kerry-Edwards
"If this administration wins a second term
because people want to believe the untruths
we have been told, or because they
are too disinterested to recognize them, we are, I fear,
well on our way to Orwell's horrific
vision of a world in which people's thoughts can be
controlled by disconnecting them from
reality. A world in which black has, in fact, become white."
--Nancy Lewis, Attribution
If you have subscribed, temp or permanent, we want you in the
If I owe you something or if I've forgotten to do something, contact
reader Medical Barbie
John O'Neill (R-Fascist Pig)
Subject: middle aged Bart
I saw this on Netphoria
check it out - the tough perspective
from a middle aged man from oklahoma.
the republicans will hate it, as will
you softie democrats.
I'm not "middle-aged."
Job Growth Weaker Than Expected
Goodbye, Chimp - America will not tolerate a loser!
Etheridge Has Breast Cancer, Cancels Tour
...doctor expects a "speedy and complete recovery,"
Leaders Call for DeLay's Ouster
They don't mean it - they're afraid of Sugerland's
nastiest Bug man
brothers wrote slurs on dying pledge
Who wants to join a group with traditions like that?
Williams film to be beamed in via satellite
Digital projectors are here - no more clunky reels of film
Order yours from the BartCop Bookstore
Bush Distorts Kerry's 'Global Test'
by Joe Conason
Perhaps Mr. Bush doesn't understand what
those words mean. That same excuse is not available
to others who promoted Mr. Bush's distortion.
William Safire referred to "Kerry's notion that such
a [pre-emptive] attack had to have prior
world-public approval," although Kerry said nothing of the kind.
Condoleezza Rice said on CNN that she couldn't
figure out Mr. Kerry's meaning.
"I don't understand 'proving to the world
that you did it for legitimate reasons,'" she complained to
Wolf Blitzer. She also didn't seem to understand
how grimly ironic that assertion sounded in the midst of
the CNN interview - which chiefly concerned
the Bush administration's intentional fabrications about the
nuclear "threat" posed by Saddam Hussein's
Subject: in the final debate...
I hope to Christ someone from the Kerry
campaign visits your website.
The next time Bush skirts the issue that
no WMDs were found but says the war was worth it
because Saddam was stealing money that
Kerry will look the audience in the eye, recount the
daily carnage encountered by our troops,
and ask the merican people if the money Saddam stole
was worth ONE American life, let alone
Kerry does something I do not understand.
When he talks about "the cost" of the war, he always says, "$200
he never mentions the cost in lives, lost arms and legs and the mental breakdowns.
Why is Kerry afraid to mention the biggest reason Bush
should be fired?
School kids everywhere know where to find the truth
Get your bartcop stickers!
Then send in your digital pictures.
Send a stamped envelope to
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
But if you send a token donation
we will not be offended.
by Robert Parry at consortiumnews.com,
Bush apparently wants to make "France"
the new political f-word.
On Oct. 1, the day after the debate, Bush
told an audience in Allentown, Pa., that Kerry was
demanding "that America has to pass some
sort of 'global test' before we can use American
troops to defend ourselves." Bush then
added: "The use of troops to defend America must
never be subject to a veto by countries
Bush's remark took his partisan listeners
back to those halcyon days before March 2003,
when invading Iraq was going to be a "cakewalk"
and the French were "surrender monkeys"
for wanting more time to let U.N. weapons
inspectors search for weapons of mass destruction.
In those good ol' days, Bush backers poured
French wine into gutters and renamed French Fries
as Freedom Fries. Even the White House
got into the fun by changing the Air Force One menu
to read "Freedom Toast," not French toast.
Now, almost two years later, with an Iraqi
insurgency growing in intensity and more than 1,000
U.S. soldiers dead, Bush is slipping back,
rhetorically, to that happier time, possibly for
psychological as well as political reasons.
With his polls dropping after his shaky debate
performance, Bush is trying to steady himself
and his followers with a trip down memory lane
where the French are again the cowardly
Note: consortiumnews.com is the most important site on the internet
my eye doesn't start twitching.
It does that when I lie to myself and my gullible sheep..."
Kerry's Lies (from the vulgar
We're doing the job the partisan press used to do
Yet we now know who was on the take was
the UN Security Council and how does the media report this?
The same old, same old, predictable as
anything: Attack Bush over weapons of mass destruction but not a
single word about this report's consequences
to John Kerry and his policy of embracing the U.N.
JOHN KERRY: No, the President is not telling
the truth and the Duelfer report says otherwise, that the
sanctions had prevented him from being
able to reconstitute his program, the sanctions had prevented him --
RUSH: This is an out-and-out lie. It was
just the opposite. He says the sanctions on Saddam were working?.
First, isn't it a shame that FOX News, MSGOP, the newspapers and
talk radio are all pimps for Kerry?
Isn't it sad that FOX News whores themselves to give Kerry a
Rush is saying the truth remains hidden because FOX strongly
backs Kerry - does anyone believe that?
Second, of course the sanctions were working.
Saddam had no WMD and, apparently, didn't have much of a traditional
Saddam was powerless to invade anybody - that's what the sanctions
Pigboy, why are you lying?
Afghan Election a 'Marvelous Thing'
You are not going to believe what Bush is pulling
"A marvelous thing is happening in Afghanistan,"
Bush said at another fund-raiser
"Freedom is powerful. Think about a society in
which young girls couldn't go to school,
and their mothers were whipped in the public
square, and today they're holding a presidential election."
Want to know the truth?
Bush's puppet Hamid Karzai had 15 challengers
All 15 dropped out to protest the erasable
ink on the ballots.
That means the BFEE can just erase the
vote and write in "Hamid Karzai"
and then tell the world, "Look, they
have free & fair elections in Afghanistan."
Bush runs elections in Afghanistan like
Jeb runs them in Florida.
It's a f-ing joke, like everything President
Screw-Up has ever done.
Subject: favorite Rodney
"I grew up in a tough town. My town was so
the library had a sign that said 'Shut
the fuck up.' "
"I went into a bar. Bartender asked me,
"What'll you have?"
I said 'surprise me,' so he pulled
out a naked picture of my wife."
The Duke of URLA
I remember another one from decades ago:
"I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Walking
the subway, a kid held me up with a
knife. I could tell
it was his first mugging because there
was butter on it."
Here to get 3 BartCop
Radio Shows on CD delivered for just $24
Currently shipping shows
Here to send your review of Show
soldier body count in Iraq
1054, 1059, 1067,
1071 dead American soldiers.
The number of amputees, wounded,
injured or mentally ill
is a staggering 28,150
defense shuts out the Texas Shorthorns
To Texas Democrats - sorry
To Texas Republicans, suck on this*
The OU defense held Texas' vaunted rushing
offense 200 yards below its season average
as the No. 2-ranked Sooners beat the No.
5 Shorthorns Saturday at the Cotton Bowl.
Texas hadn't been shut out since a Nov.
22 1980 loss to Baylor, a string of 282 games.
When you're the football coach in Norman,
Oklahoma, you only have one duty: Tuck Fexas.
Bob Stoops is very, very good at his job.
Sooner fans chanted 'five straight years'
as the Texas Shorthorns left the Cotton Bowl on Saturday.
Walking to the south ramp, the end of the
stadium with OU fans, the Shorthorns didn't need to be
reminded that they haven't won in this
series in this century.*
...and that reminds me of The
Barry Switzer factor that proves that Bill Clinton's
administrations tied for the most ethical
administrations in American history!
I miss my old buddy Sabutai.
He would've loved seeing his Sooners mash the Shorthorns again.
Subject: Bush never loses!
Bush never loses!
It would be more accurate to say,
"Bush never plays - unless his Daddy
has purchased a win for him up-front."
He's a punk ass loser who's never been tested because Daddy always
makes everything OK.
You have two minutes to record your message.
Use this portal
and they'll send bartcop.com
Tyme Hosting is owned by Marc
Perkel, who first put Bartcop on the Internet back in 1996 and
Bartcop online today. Marc hosts several other political sites including American
Politics Journal, Political
Channel, and interesting sites like the Church
of Reality - a religion based on believing in everything that is
Our motto for this year is - "No Anti-Bush
Site Left Behind". So - if you have an anti-bush site and you
choking on hosting fees or dealing with threats - let us know and we'll
help keep you online.
We also have that strongest server side spam filtering on the
Check out Marx
Mail for info on how you can have a Spam
Free Email Account.
Perkel's new Church
If it's Real - we believe in it!
here to join the Church of Reality mailing list.
Read the Previous
It had everything.
© 2004, bartcop.com
To hear the radio shows, you must have a login and password.
to subscribe and get your login and password.
Tommy Mack is in the house!
So is Tally, so you'll like this show.
Click Here to listen to Part 1 of Show 56
Click Here to download Part 1 of Show 56
36 minutes of Bart's expertiary debate comment
Click Here to listen to Part 2 of Show 56
Click Here to download Part 2 of Show 56
33 minutes of Smirky McHardon debate beatdown
Click Here to listen to Part 3 of Show 56
Click Here to download Part 3 of Show 56
28 minutes of misc political comedy
Click Here to listen to Part 4 of Show 56
Click Here to download Part 4 of Show 56
26 minutes of SNL, Jon Stewart and misc
Here for the radio archives
Shirley Manson of Garbage
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop
Member - for free!
You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The
Joint on your next American tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of attempts