"I couldn't help wondering, what was Trent
Lott thinking as he emceed
the events for a man who got him dumped as
--Howie Kurtz, with Cokie Roberts
retired, probably the stupidest whore in DC, Attribution
defiant over Bush term
The US Democrats vowed to fight "extreme" Republican
policies as George W Bush saw in his
second term as president with a lavish
inauguration. Despite their poor showing in last November's
elections, they said they would refuse to be sidelined.
They have demanded a full debate in Congress
before approving Condoleezza Rice as the new secretary of state.
But some Democrats said they were heartened
by the conciliatory tone of Mr Bush's inaugural speech.
Yep, that's our Democrats for you.
They see Bush as a good guy who wants to
How can they be that gullible after all this Monster
to Seek Cuts in Medicaid, Benefits
You voted to cut Grandma's check,
now Bush will screw her
Bush is readying a new budget that would carve
savings from Medicaid and other benefit programs,
aides and lobbyists say, but it is unclear if he
will be able to push the plan through the Republican-run Congress.
White House officials are not saying what Bush's
$2.5 trillion 2006 budget will propose
such programs, which comprise the biggest and fastest
But lobbyists and lawmakers' aides, speaking on
condition of anonymity, say he will focus on Medicaid,
the health-care program for low-income and disabled
Bush screwing the low-income and disabled is certainly
expected, but why is AP writer Alan Fram
helping Bush by pretnding these cuts are "savings
Doesn't Alan Fram have parents, grandparents,
aunts and uncles who depend on Medicaid?
Why should seniors have to get by without their
medicine so Halliburton can steal more billions?
Dies at 79
His wealth, the adoration of his guests ÷ particularly
the many young comics whose careers he launched
÷ the wry tales of multiple divorces:
Carson's air of modesty made it all serve to enhance his bedtime intimacy
"Heeeeere's Johnny!" was the booming announcement from
Ed McMahon that ushered Carson out to the stage.
Then the formula: the topical monologue, the guests,
the broadly played skits such as "Carnac the Magnificent."
But America never tired of him; Carson went out
on top when he retired in May 1992.
Johnny was truly the King of Kings.
If Johnny liked you, you were going to be a rich and famous Hollywood star.
Johnny was someone you'd invite into your house every night, year after
and listen up, classless Jay Leno, Johnny did it without telling
The saddest thing in the world is a dead comic.
Every comic owes Johnny a goodbye.
If his funeral is public, I'd imagine the top 100 comics in America world
will be there.
"On any given night he's hosting 'The Tonight Show,'
there are 10 times
more couples watching his monologue than making
love," said Dr Ruth.
I started watching Johnny every night around 1963 - and we watched almost
until we saw his last show from a hotel room in Niagara falls in May of
"My 20 minutes on 'The Tonight Show' did more for
my career than speaking for
two days at the Democratic National Convention," said
In the coming days, you'll see and hear hundreds of Johnny Carson stories.
You kids out there who never knew him - trust me - he was the best.
"On the good nights, he was the second best thing
you could do in bed
-- but on his best nights, he was the best," Salon.com
Dave always wanted to be Johnny Carson, same for Jay Leno, who FORGOT
to mention Johnny's
name the night he took over for him, which is one of the biggest show business
fuck-ups of all time.
I have thousands of hours of Johnny on audio and video tape.
If only there was time to go thru them and pick out some of his best stuff...
"I don't know of a person in comedy or television
who didn't sort of grow up
with Johnny Carson as a role model," David
Letterman once said.
Did you see the time when Dave was a guest on Johnny's show, and Johnny
Dave's pickup truck stolen off the streets and brought to
Johnny always resisted the urge to come back, the hardest thing for
a performer to do.
In one super-rare case, he agreed to drop by Dave's show in 1994.
He was supposed to do a comedy bit sitting at Dave's desk, but the ovation
was so long and so loud,
Johnny knew that whatever he did he couldn't follow that, so after waiting
for the applause to die down,
he just said, "Thank you and good night," and
got up and left. He was always the smartest comedian.
"I would give a week's pay for a peek under your
blouse," Johnny to Dolly Parton.
As always, you can't be too sad when someone dies at 79, but we'll all
miss Johnny Carson.
He took whatever Jack Paar was going in 1962 and changed it into what everybody's
Johnny was the first comic I ever saw who ackowledged the jokes that
"You didn't boo me when I smothered a grenade at Guadalcanal..."
Click Here to
send in your favorite Johnny Carson story
"Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford
with money you don't have to impress people
you wish were dead. And, unlike communism,
democracy does not mean having just one ineffective
political party; it means having two ineffective
political parties. ... Democracy is welcoming people
from other lands, and giving them something
to hold onto -- usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means
that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping,
anyone can die owing the government a huge
amount of money. ... Democracy means free television,
not good television, but free. ... And finally,
democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar
bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch,
13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head
-- this signifies that when the white man came to this country,
it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for
the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.
My favorite: One night, Ed was gone, so Doc Severenson
sat next to Johnny. It wasn't planned,
it wasn't rehearsed, it wasn't written by the writers, but every word out
of Doc's mouth was damn funny.
Johnny got tickled and Doc kept talking and before long, Johnny was gulping
The subject was alimony (all three were paying it) and Doc mentioned
that he always mailed his in advance to be sure
it got there in time to avoid hassling with her lawyer's threats. Johnny
said he did the same thing, then Doc mentioned
how Ed always delivered his personally, and that set Johnny off
again. I guess Ed had the most trouble.
Then Johnny asked Doc if he'd join him for Thanksgiving dinner.
Doc said, "It's been 30 years, and you've never
asked me to your home before (Johhny was howling!)
and now you ask me on live, national TV if I
can come over for Thanksgiving?"
It took Johnny some time to get air, but finally he said, "So,
can you make it?" and Doc said, "No!"
That sent Johnny onto the floor, and when he finally recovered, he asked
Doc if he could give him some
of whatever Doc was taking to make him so funny (They always did Doc-musician-drug
jokes) and Doc
said, "No, but I can sell you some," and
Johnny went back onto the floor, double up with laughter.
In later "Best of" shows, the bastards at NBC cut out the funniest parts
because they were "drug-related"
and we must've had Michael Powell nannies back then. But it's a shame that
they cut it because when the
top comedian in America is laughing too hard to talk, it's a damn funny
thing to see.
Goodbye, Johnny - not many people can say they were the best for thirty
Subject: the butter knife
Finally, someone else who sees what a bunch of
fucking wimps we Democrats have representing us.
I have never seen anyone state the problem more
clearly than you.
We always manage to bring a butter knife
to a gun fight.
Every time I see Sandinista Rice being questioned
and then sit there and interrupt the people
questioning her by talking over them until they
shut up amazes me. What gives with these wankers?
Does Kerry really think he's going to endear himself
us by putting up a halfhearted attempt to act
like he's really got a set of balls and then turning
around and folding up like a cheap metal chair?
I don't understand what runs through the minds
of these people, do you?
This, "let's go along with the crowd for the next
two years" bullshit is exactly
what the Republicans and Karl Rove want and expect
out of the Democrats.
And our glorius elected officials are too happy
to bend over and give it to them.
We are in deep shit, Bartman!!
Terry, I wish I could say you were wrong...
Subject: It is worse than the
media tells us
I have a daughter that recently deployed to Iraq.
She told me the situation is "much worse" than
the media reports it.
All she hears each day is constant motor rounds
going off and exploding,
some as close as 300 yards away.....
The situation there is dire and all we get back
here in the States
is "be patient" from goons like Rice, Cheney, and
I think this link would be a good one to publish.
Sam in CA
Crime Family Tree
Pro-Bush Monkey screams at a pro-peace demonstrator
photo by Christian Abraham
the best of the hobgoblins
by Gene Lyons
Washington Post reporters recently asked George
W. Bush why nobody had been
held accountable for screw-ups in Iraq such as
nonexistent weapons of mass destruction
or the citizenry's failure to strew flowers
in the path of American invaders, as administration
The president responded with a non sequitur. "We
had an accountability moment," he said,
"and that's called the 2004 elections. The American
people listened to different assessments
made about what was taking place in Iraq, and they
looked at the two candidates, and chose me."
Louis XIV, 17 th century king of France, put it
more succinctly: "L'etat, c'est moi." (I am the state.)
But I digress, and somewhat predictably.
Outraged Dude with a bartcop.com sign
I would subscribe if you could somehow find it
in your heart
to apologize to Ralph Nader and his supporters.
Matt, I always apologize - when I'm wrong.
I'd be foolish to apologize for the Naderites gloating that they made the
difference in 2000.
Sure, I could try harder to be all things to all people and get more
but I still have to look at myself in the mirror and that'd be too high
a price to pay.
However, I would be willing to say "bygones" to mistakes and
misunderstandings of the past...
Connie and Don from the team in DC
Subject: Ken Mehlman is gay
Don't wait for any of the so-called journalists
to confront this guy.
Blitzer and Woodruff had the perfect opportunity
on Wednesday afternoon
when they interviewed Mehlman and the subject of
Bush's moving away from
the Gay Marriage Ammendment came up, and neither
of these two idiots would
touch it with a ten foot pole!
Yeah, the American press has the same problem as the Democrats.
They either love Bush or they start to tremble when they hear his name.
Get your "Not
me!" wristbands right here!
We've got the right books by the right authors.
"The Iraqi War is serving as a great catharsis for
multiple conservative frustrations: job loss, drugs, crime,
homosexuals, pornography, female promiscuity,
abortion, restrictions on prayer in public places, Darwinism
and attacks on religion. Liberals are the cause.
Liberals are against America. Anyone against the war is against
America and is a liberal. "You are with us
or against us." This is the mindset of delusion, and delusion permits no
facts or analysis. Blind emotion rules. Americans
are right and everyone else is wrong. End of the debate."
--Paul Craig Roberts, Attribution
This is what blind faith does to you - it makes facts and common sense
Subject: sign expense donation
Congratulations on having an impact!
One person can make a difference and you're doing
it, my friend!
I saw those signs on TV, knew they were your's
and the people
who helped you get it done and said, "Wow!" Great
Click Here to
help offset signage costs with a donation
From Volume 385 - The Salon
Issue January 19, 2001 the day before Bush took over
> Say, a year
> there's a flare-up in Bosnia or some other hot-spot, and we tragically
lose some troops.
> Would that be Clinton's fault for getting America entangled in that awful
> Or would it be President Smirk's fault for not protecting them better
on his watch?
> The reason I'm asking is ...I remember Somalia.
> Trust me, I don't want this to happen, but Bush will lose some
> And when he does, people like me will remind others that Commander-in-Chief
> never sent a man into battle that didn't come home safely to his
> Go ahead, read that sentence again, and don't be afraid to repeat it.
> Clinton never sent a man into battle that didn't come home safely
to his family.
> ...I just wanted to mention it before Bush's first military disaster
Don, Connie, Jay and Shawn
Thanks, guy, you made the papers from the BBC to The China Daily
This Just In...
bartcop.com makes Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.
Usually when we make Update, they steal a joke from the
Jimmy Fallin was notorius for stealing stuff (see the back pages) but we
This time, they mentioned our sign project.
In their opening skit Saturday, Tina and Amy pretended to be Jenna and
drunk in their rooms, asking each other if Daddy was a good president.
"I'm not sure - we saw all those signs saying 'Worst
Subject: Neal's protest report
The protest organizers, International A.N.S.W.E.R.,
to get to the security checkpoint by 9 AM, which
was about when we
arrived. There was already a huge, two-block-long
crowd backed up on
the street waiting to get through the checkpoint.
This crowd consisted
of an uneasy mixture of protesters and Bushies.
We set up shop at the
tail end of the group and passed out the posters. This
well, and people were pleased and surprised that
we were giving out the
signs for free. A couple of signs got into
the hands of rethugs and
were trampled in the slushy street.
Once the signs were passed out, they mostly disappeared
into the crowd.
There were lots of journalists and I personally
got interviewed five times,
including by someone from the New York Times. We
had also brought
along a banner that read ELECTION FRAUD IS NOT
which we displayed to the checkpoint crowd, which
had only grown larger.
I'm not Mr Torture, I'm Mr Realist
This debate was supposed to be in today's issue.
Because I stated some facts nobody wanted to hear,
that in the rarest of cases under certain circumstances
some torture might have
to be allowed to save thousands or millions of innocent American
lives, I've become
That debate will need to take place on the radio
show because it's too wordy to be typed out here - I ran out of time.
by Jay (Super_Steve) and Shawn
The sign giveaway also attracted the attention
of the Bush supporters. We were all surprised by the level
of anger and bitterness of the Bushies. You
would think the election went the other way, considering how happy,
excited, and jovial the protestors were and how
pissed off the Bush supporters were. As we were handing out
the "Worst President Ever" signs, a
very, very uptight young man came up to me and asked if I really thought
Bush was worse than Martin Van Buren. Martin
Van Buren?? WTF?
I can honestly say I have never laughed so hard
at someone directly to his face before. I didn't feel that his
merited a response, so I continued about my business.
Red-faced and sputtering, he walked off. An obviously
Republican woman came up and asked me for a sign. When
I asked her what she wanted it for, she smirked,
and said snidely that it would be good to sit on. I
told her that if she wanted to put her ass on Bush's face,
that was fine with me. Needless to say, that put
a dent in her pompousness, as she angrily told me that wasn't the point.
I told her she should make her points more cogently,
and then wondered if I should explain what "cogent" meant.
In the third interaction of note, a man came up
to take issue with our opposition of the war. He said he supported war,
if meant killing all the bad guys. I pointed
out that we were also killing a lot of Iraqi civilians, including children.
Did he think three-year-old Iraqi children were
the "bad guys?" To my surprise, he said yes.
... the view from Iowa
by Mike Palecek
...author and former federal prisoner for peace,
Fake Crisis From Bush's Minions
by Joe Conason
The most inspiring and venerable image was provided
by Progress for America, a front group for
the Bush White House, which recently aired a television
commercial promoting the partial privatization
of the pension system. The ad shows Franklin
Delano Roosevelt signing the original legislation that created
Social Security in August 1935; it praises the
late President for the "courage" he displayed back then and
proclaims that similar fortitude will be required
to "protect" the system now.
The ad's not-so-subliminal suggestions are
that George W. Bush equals Franklin D. Roosevelt,
and that Mr. Bush seeks to honor Roosevelt.
While that reassuring ad was still running on
the cable networks, a confidential White House memo leaked
to the press. Written by Peter Wehner, an aide
to Karl Rove, the memo outlined the President's strategy for
pursuing changes in Social Security. After explaining
why the White House must create a sense of crisis about
the system's future, and arguing that there
should be sharp cuts in benefits, Mr. Wehner touted the true
ideological aim of this campaign.
Thank Koresh there are honest journalists like Joe Conason.
The Washington press whores are going along with Bush's raid on Social
even tho they know they're helping Bush kill Grandma's ability to
survive old age.
The whole country is going to hell and only the smaller voices are screaming
"I'm Bush's Boy.
I do what
is just socialism
as helping the poor."
"Thank God Dubya
has the courage
harms more people."
is for niggers
too lazy to work.
Get six CDs
(the last three shows) delivered for just
BCR 63 double
BCR 64 double
BCR 65 double
Click Here to
get the latest BartCop Radio Shows
Click Here to
subscribe and listen to all 64 shows
"When the Americans came they opened borders and
let all the terrorists in.
Whether under American occupation or Tikriti
occupation it's just the same."
--Mohamed al-Saadi, speaking
from the rubble of his grocery store in Baghdad, Attribution
Did Bush intentionally allow thousands of religio-wackos into Iraq just
to cause chaos?
It seems so, because he's using that chaos as an excuse to not account
$100,000,000 a day that is missing from the pumping of 2,000,000 barrels
of oil each day.
So much is going on - we just had to have a bonus issue.
soldier body count in Iraq
1372, dead soldiers under Bush
We're "drawing dead" in Iraq.
card that can come up to
make us win this pot.
How long before we fold this losing hand?
"We need to be patient"
--Killa Sleazy Rice, to Kerry at the hearings Attribution
"America has blundered into a needless and dangerous
war, and fully half of the country's
population is enthusiastic. Many Christians
think that war in the Middle East signals "end times"
and that they are about to be wafted up to
heaven. Many patriots think that, finally, America is
standing up for itself and demonstrating its
righteous might. Conservatives are taking out their
Vietnam frustrations on Iraqis. Karl Rove is
wrapping Bush in the protective cloak of war leader.
The military-industrial complex is drooling
over the profits of war. And neoconservatives are laying
the groundwork for Israeli territorial expansion."
And our elected Democrats are wetting themselves in fear.
They feel that if they're going to lose, they might as well lose being
a friend to Dubya.
Me? I'd rather go down fighting - with a bang instead of a whimper.
You have two minutes to record your message.
Subject: "on his watch"
Why do the lefties think traction can be gained
by repeating that "on his watch"phrase?
Because it demonstrates that Bush is a failed
president, who is always on vacation
when he should have been alerting law enforcement
agencies about the possible threat.
Clinton turned down BinLaden and everyone knows
You can argue with me and your dozens of readers
but it is an historical fact.
No, that's wishful Monkey thinking.
Besides quoting a known whore and liar, what
is your source?
You have no source because it didn't happen.
Clinton was never "offered" Osama after proof was
Besides, who do you think "offered" him to Clinton?
When the twin towers were bombed Clinton didn't
bother to show up.
No, Clinton arrested them, prosecuted them
and they are now in prison.
Every f-ing one of them.
You don't have any clue at all what you're talking
about - do you?
We were attacked during a humane effort to feed
Somalis and nothing
could be done because we were left short handed
That's four in a row where you're wrong.
Bush the Smarter sent our soldiers
into known al-Qaeda territory without armor.
Why do you forgive the guilty to falsely accuse
Have you ever read a newspaper or turned on a TV?
The terrorists bombed us in Saudi and in two African
nations and blew up a large portion of one of our ships.
Was Bill Clinton supposed to be keeping a hairy
eyeball on those places? Of course not.
Was Bush supposed to be watching the towers to
make sure everything is okie dokie? No.
Clinton couldn't be expected to watch the entire
Bush only had to respond to PDBs that said "Bin
Laden determined to attack inside the US"
When Bush got that memo, he said, "Fuck
a bunch of work" and
went on vacation - again.
9-11 was planned during Clintons presidency but
may just as well have been planned during the tenure of a Republican.
I think that your emotive nonsense and partisan
happy horseshit has clouded your vision.
So, if a terrorist was THINKING about attacking,
Clinton should've known about it?
Yes, clearly, one of us cannot think with any clarity
If you want to know why we were attacked why don't
you ask the attackers why?
We didn't have to - Bush's old friend and partner
Osama spelled it out.
He attacked us for putting troops in Saudi Arabia
in the first unnecessary Bush war.
Have you ever read a newspaper or turned on a TV?
Our policies have sucked since '48 in regard to
Israel and every other country in the Middle East
so if you want to know if it happened on someones
watch just look at the history of our government since 48.
I refuse to play the 1948 Israeli game with a
smart person or a
It's a never-ending wormhole of crap that I choose
not to step in.
As Yogi Berra once said "You can observe alot
just by watching". You cannot, however, educate people
by playing partisan bully boy and ignoring inconvenient
facts while playing up others.
If you have a fact that I've ignored, please list
it for me.
All I've seen from you so far is "history" by way
of whores and liars like Rush and Hannity.
In a great miraculous happening you are now president.
What are you going to do?
MMG ( Monkey Master General )
First, I admit Bush was a total greedy Oil Monkey and invite
the UN to help in Iraq.
If they get a piece of the billions Bush is currently stealing, they'll
send in their troops.
Once those troops are in, we can bring home 90 percent of our boys.
See how easy that was?
We bought out first house in November 1978 - paid $23,000 for it.
We stayed there four months, then we were offered $26,000 for the property.
We bought the current BartCop Manor and funny, all our problems were
First, the foundation cracked due to the Okie tradition of building homes
on f-ing sand.
As the ground dried out in the summer, the house would settle and crack.
We spent $7,000 to have the house lifted back into its regular position.
The water pipes would crack, too, causing floods in the kitchen.
Once, the water creeped into the vents, which then began to "gargle" as
fought its way thru the water to the top of the vents - that's wasn't a
lot of fun.
In the mid-nineties, we got a new roof (which took much crookery) after
an ultra-violent rainstorm.
The Okie-bred Bozo who installed the roof put the flanges on f-ing backwards,
which made the
roof water flow INTO the house instead of onto the ground, flooding one
Last year, our hot water heater rusted out and flooded the kitchen causing
a ton of trouble and I had to
out-crook the recovery and insurance bastards to break even. So we replaced
the kitchen carpet
(only in Oklahoma) with fancy tile, only to have the kitchen water pipes
break a second time.
This meant the plumbers had to tear up Mrs.Bart's new tile that had been
down only a month.
After they fixed the pipe, all we could do was buy a rug to hide the hole
the plumber dug.
Last Saturday, Mrs. Bart stepped into the back bedroom and into a puddle
After the tears, she got fed up and issued an order: "We're
out of here."
So we've been looking for a place to move for the last nine days, and
we finally found a place behind
a car lot (a sign from God?) that is NOT built on sand AND the ground slopes
away from the house in
all directions - so we're moving as soon as the place is ready - 3 weeks
It would be nice if water stopped being the enemy it has been for decades.
I'll do my best to minimize the interruptions to the page.
Subject: protest expenses (donation
i wish i'd been there!
i was protesting in 2000 (you had a picture of
us... "GORE MAJORITY")
it was awesome to see those brave souls stand
up to the evil empire.
i KNOW how hard it is to fly/drive cross country
to spend 10 hours in the cold.
god bless the bartcoppers!!!
Click Here to
leave a tip.
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
Use this portal
and they'll send bartcop.com
four cents from each dollar.
Tyme Hosting is owned by Marc
Perkel, who first put Bartcop
on the Internet back in 1996 and keeps
Bartcop online today. Marc hosts several
other political sites including American
Politics Journal, Political
News Channel, and interesting sites
like the Church
of Reality - a religion based on
believing in everything that is real.
Our motto for this year is - "No
Anti-Bush Site Left Behind".
So - if you have an anti-bush site
and you are
choking on hosting fees or dealing with
threats - let us know and we'll help
keep you online.
We also have that strongest server
side spam filtering on the planet.
Check out Marx
Mail for info on how you can
have a Spam
Free Email Account.
Perkel's new Church
If it's Real - we believe in it!
here to join the Church of Reality mailing list.
Read the Previous
It had everything.
Copyright © 2004,
To hear the radio shows, you must have a login and password.
Click Here to
subscribe and get your login and password.
BCR Show # 65
Click Here to listen to
Part 1 of Show 65
Click Here to download Part
1 of Show 65
Click Here to listen to
Part 2 of Show 65
Click Here to download Part
2 of Show 65
Click Here to listen to
Part 3 of Show 65
Click Here to download Part
3 of Show 65
Click Here to listen to
Part 4 of Show 65
Click Here to downloadPart
4 of Show 65
Here for the radio archives
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member
- for free!
You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on
your next American tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.