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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Bush's National Treasure  Dick and Hal - Cashing in  Terror invited to dinner Dove calling albatross  The hottest game in Vegas  Student Suspended Over Call Blair refuses to step down What Rough Beasts?  How Free is the US Press?     Quote of the Day "In honor of Cinco de Mayo down,    Tom DeLay is accepting all bribes in pesos."         --David Letterman,

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Quotes

"Am I the evil genius in the corner that nobody ever sees
  come out of his hole? It's a nice way to operate, actually.'
     -- The evil Dick Cheney, and he's not kidding,      Attribution
 

  Comments?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The "October Surprise mystery" has similarities to the movie "National Treasure," only in reverse.
 Today's American rulers destroy clues that otherwise might lead to knowing whether the democratic
 process - arguably the greatest national treasure - was stolen in plain sight.

 Understandably, the suggestion that Reagan and Bush may have secretly collaborated with the Iranians
 drew angry denials from Republicans. Even centrist Democrats and the mainstream news media were
 eager to bury the ugly suspicions once and for all.  So, when the October Surprise mystery belatedly
 came under investigation in the early 1990s, there was an eagerness to accept whatever alibis were
 offered for key Republicans even if the facts pointed in the opposite direction.
 

 Who fixed it so Reagan and Bush could get away with their crimes?
 The same traitor who fixed the 9-11 Commission for Bush - Lee "Whitewash" Hamilton.

..

  Comments?

 Subject: Ann Coulter - misquote?

 Bart,

 I checked the link to your story about Ajai Raj's question posed to Ann Coulter.
 In your copy/paste it quotes him as saying "How do you feel about marriages where the
 man does nothing but anal sex with his wife?" but in the actual link it reports that he said
 "How do you feel about marriages where the man does nothing but xxx xxx xxx xxx?"

 I think the story has more relevance if you quote it correctly, why the change?

 Don't get me wrong, I'm offended by the quote (but hell I probably would have said the
 same thing to the whore) but it ruins your credibility if you change the quote without a caveat.

 Ricky
 

 I was talking to Marc Perkel (D-Dangerous) the other day and I said,
"A hundred people have 100 different tolerance rungs for indecency."

 Some people get extra-offended when they see the "N" word, some the "F" word.
 Nobody tolerates the "C" word, unless the topic is Ann Coulter, Lynn Cheney or Dr Laura.

 I figured of somebody like yourself clicked on that link they'd get an unexpected visual blast but it
 would be from that writer, not Ol' Bart.  Every shocking sentence doesn't need to be published.

 Comments?

 Dick and Halliburton - Cashing in

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
Cheney Violates Ethics Law
Cheney and criminal accountant Arthur Andersen
Energy Task Force
 

  Comments?

 Former terror suspect invited to Bush dinner

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 A year after federal agents raided his home in a terrorism investigation, Muslim businessman
 Syed Maswood is lucky to get on an airplane without being detained and searched.
 But that didn't stop him from getting an invitation to dine with President Bush.

 Maswood, a nuclear engineer who has not been charged with any crime and has been trying
 for months to get his name off no-fly lists, received an invitation to serve as an honorary chairman
 at a Republican fund-raiser with Bush in Washington next month.
 

 The BFEE has done business with Hitler, Noriega, Saddam, Ayatollah Khomenie and Osama.
 Why should they refuse to eat with

  Comments?

 Quotes

"I think this guy is a loser. I think President Bush is doing a bad job.   He's driving
  this country into bankruptcy. He's got us in this intractable war in Iraq where
  we now have about 1,600 American soldiers dead and another 15,000 injured."
    --Sen. Harry Reid, speaking like a man who won't take crap from the Monkey,  Attribution
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Dove calling Albatross

 Previous victim wants another shot

  Click  Here
 

  Comments?

 Quotes

"I called Karl Rove and apologized for what I said."
    --Sen. Harry Reid, speaking like a typical democrat, bending over for Bush    Attribution
 

 When Reid took over the senate leadership, people wrote to tell me how "different" he was.
 He seems to be a shorter version of John Kerry and that makes me sick.

  Comments?

 Subject: re: Bush lets lady general hang

 Bart,
 This should be so obvious, dude.  Ahhnold, Der Groppenfuhrer, has already explained it.
 
"It vas da phase of da moon.  Dey vas haffink der periods and vas all bitchy
  and tings and vas out off control.  Das ist vhy ve should ban da moon."
 
 Keep hammerin',
 Achtel in Vermont - only half a quaver.
 

  Comments?

 Real estate, the hottest game in Vegas
 
  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Property prices in the Las Vegas metropolitan area saw increases of up to 50 per cent last year,
 led by desirable suburbs such as Summerlin, compared with a nationwide average of 11 per cent.
 A remarkable 6,000 people relocate to the city each month, making it the fastest-growing urban area
 in the country. And residential developers from as far away as New York and Chicago are rushing to cash in.

 Robert Hamrick, broker president of Coldwell Banker Premier Realty, thinks the growth stems from
 outsiders finally realising that Vegas property was seriously undervalued. "For 22 years we had quiet,
 consistent, growth with single-digit appreciation," he says. "But I've never seen anything like this before."

    Comments?

 Subject: a question about credit

 You dealt a lot with finance and credit when you did the car biz.
 What kind of stuff can a person do to fix credit after bankruptcy
 I mean, will the bankruptcy disallow my credit application at stores?
 I've been told that even after a chapter seven, some companies will still
 do business with the debtor even after the court relieves the debt.

 I'd appreciate any input you could give me in this matter.
 If you help me, I'll throw some bucks your way, once I'm out of the hole.

 Later,
 G.
 

 G, three things come to mind:
 Many lenders use a "score" which won't help you much, but some don't.
 The ones who don't look for "ink on the paper."

 If you have 5 bads on your credit, can't change that.
 But if you have 5 bads and 5 goods, it looks a lot better.
 In 2 years you could have 4 bads (they fall off after 7 years) and 9 goods.
 Then the non-score people will like you.

 You get to put a statement into your file (free) and you're not under oath.
 Put in your statement, "I had a rough patch in 2004, but I'm on my feet now."
 Tell them your wife miscarried and you broke your back falling off the roof
 and if it hadn't been for that, all your bills would've been paid on time.

 Until they passed this bankruptcy law, I wouldn't have advised this.
 But those greedy, oil-like bastards want their precious 30% interest AND
 they have the government acting as their bill collectors so "F" them.

 Get credit at a store making a profit.
 "Handjob Finance Company" lends money, so there's more risk.
 But a $600 washer-dryer from Sears only cost them $450, so if you put $300 down,
 the "pot odds" are good for Sears so they will agree to gamble with you.
 

   Comments?

 Student Suspended Over Call to Mom in Iraq

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The angry calls about the boy's suspension got so bad at one point that secretaries
 had to take their phones off the hook, assistant principal Alfred Parham said.
 
 Kevin Francois, a 17-year-old junior at Spencer High School, was suspended for 10 days
 for disorderly conduct Wednesday after a teacher told him to give up his cell phone outside
 the school during his lunch break and he refused, the teen said.
 

  Comments?

 Subject: New look

 Hey Bart...
 Why fix what ain't broken?

 It would seem that all the formatting necessary for the new look could go sideways much easier...
 
 JMHO
 John

 
 John, we're not changing to be stylish, we have to change.

 Search engines can't find us.
 New technologies won't fit on the old horse-and-buggy format.
 There are advantages that will be obvious once the switch is complete.
 
 I've had a few e-mails about the "smaller fonts," but that's adjustable on your computer.
 Let's give the new format a chance.
 I call it "burn out insurance."

  Comments?

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 Subject: Ann Coulter

 I think the best way to deal with Ann coulter is just to ignore her and wait
 until she implodes or self destructs somewhere in the near future.
 There is something seriously wrong with this woman.
 .
 Charles A
 

 Charles, in BCR 74, I talk about my plan to hurt Bush with Ann Coulter's words, but,
 of course, the Democrats would never consider such a plan because it's "not nice."

  Comments?

 What Rough Beasts?
 
  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The Republican Party is now a chimera, too, a mutant of old guard Republicans, who want
 government kept out of our lives, and evangelical Christians, who want government to legislate
 religion into our lives. But exploiting God for political ends has set off powerful, scary forces in
 America: a retreat on teaching evolution, most recently in Kansas; fights over sex education,
 even in the blue states and blue suburbs of Maryland; a demonizing of gays; and a fear of
 stem cell research, which could lead to more of a "culture of life" than keeping one vegetative
 woman hooked up to a feeding tube. Even as scientists issue rules on chimeras in labs,
 a spine-tingling he-monster with the power to drag us back into the pre-Darwinian dark ages
 is slouching around Washington. It's a fire-breathing creature with the head of W., the body
 of Bill Frist and the serpent tail of Tom DeLay.
 

  Comments?

 Quotes

"We know that a God who created us for freedom is not indifferent to injustice
  or cruelty or evil, so we ask that our hearts may be aligned with his and that we
  may be given the strength to do what is right and help those in need. We who ask
  for God's help for ourselves, have a particular obligation to care for the least of
  our brothers and sisters within our midst."
     --the Giggling Murderer, mocking the religious people who believe his lies   Attribution
 

  Comments?

 Blair resists calls to step down
   He's not ready for the Carlyle group, yet

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Bush poodle Tony Blair resisted a chorus of calls over the weekend to resign
 before he finishes his third term amid discontent over his own party members.

 A number of Labour Party members say they want Blair to step down to
 make way for his powerful and popular finance minister, Gordon Brown.

 MP John Austin said Blair "was a liability and not an asset in this election.
 Blair was a negative factor on the doorstep, time and time and time again."

 MP Ian Davidson said: "His resignation needs to happen sooner rather than later.
 
 

 Wouldn't that be terrible - for your country's leader to be a moron's bitch?
 How awful that the British have to live with that shame.

  Comments?

  How Free Is the America's Whore Press?
   Survey shows us tied for 24th worldwide

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Recent polling data shows that most Americans think their press is the freest in the world
 ÷ indeed, some believe it is too free. But according to a new report by Freedom House,
 the US is among countries that have experienced "notable setbacks" in press freedom.
"Freedom of the Press 2005: A Global Survey of Media Independence," revealed that the
 US was tied with Barbados, Canada, Dominica, Estonia, and Latvia at 24th place out of
 194 countries covered in the survey."
 

 Obviously we're not going to see this story run in America
 because we're not free enough to read the truth.

  Comments?

 Subject: New page format

 Dear Bart,
 I hope it all works out the new page looks great!
 Keep up the good work.

 Still loving the radio shows!
 LaurenR
 

  Comments?

 Subject: 9-11

 Mr. Bart,
 
 One point you didn't mention is that although the Secret Service knew
 1] the country was under attack and supposedly had no clue how many planes
     were hijacked or where else they would strike, and that
 2] Goat-George's p.r. stunt at the school had been announced world-wide,
      the SS did not whisk him out of the school to some bunker.  Why not?
     Did they know exactly what was planned and being executed and that the pResident was safe?
 

 T Quigly
 

 T, it seems like nobody did their job that day.
 The Secret Service went to sleep,
 the Air National Guard went to sleep.
 NORAD went to sleep - everybody went to sleep so Bush could re-write our Constitution.

 When we tried to investigate, Lee "Whitewash" Hamilton gave us his personal guarantee
 that Bush was a brave war hero whose decisive action and leadership saved us that terrible day.

 We'll never know what happened on 9/11, just like we'll never know who shot JFK,
 who shot Bobby, who shot MLK, how John Jr died, Paul Wellstone,  etc etc etc...
 

..

  Comments?

  Subject: Bart, I figured something out:

 Because
 Americans
 Refuse
 To
 Compromise
 Our
 Principles

 Wiseguy
 

 Dude, you need a job...

  Comments?

 Quotes

"It's a little emotional to see democracy flourish in England.
  I'm not saying that it's because of the Iraqi war -- but it happened after.
  They said that you couldn't bring democracy to those scone-eating,
  tea-drinking bastards and I said 'No, everyone yearns to be free.'"
      --Jon Stewart,
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Donation

 Bart,
 Your pages have been so awesome lately that I am sad when I finish reading them.

 I also liked the extra-long BCR 74.
 I'd like to thank the people who called the Bartphone.
 It's a nice touch of variety to the show.

 I would love a sticker if you have any more.
 Leanne in VA
 

 Leanne, your sticker (plus bartcop ovals) is on its way.
 Thanks for your support.

  Comments?

 Quotes

"How can pollution cause global warming if we're getting
  rid of pollution and that's causing global warming?"
    --the vulgar Pigboy, claiming Bush is "getting rid of" pollution
 

 
 It's so hard for a comedian to joke about the current events because
 the news is so damn funny before the comic has a chance to open his mouth.

  Comments?

 Monkey Gets Seat of Honor for VE Observance

..
 George, that's not the parade.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 President Bush was given a seat of honor in a Red Square reviewing stand on Monday
 and watched goose-stepping soldiers and flags adorned with the Soviet hammer and
 sickle glide by, recalling days of communist might.

 But Russia's 60th anniversary celebration of its World War II victory with other Allied forces
 over Nazi Germany ÷ a ceremony that offered a one-sided, rosy picture of the Soviet Union's
 war legacy ÷ was awkward theater for a U.S. president who has made democracy's spread
 the singular foreign-policy cause of his second term
 

 Awkward?
 It seems perfectly symbolic for a Constitution-shredding fascist to help celebrate Soviet communism.
 
  Comments?

 TV Stuff

 Thursday 5/12: Letterman hosts Garbage

  Comments?

..

 Subject: Bart...

 You ignorant slut.  Coach Cochell said "That guy is a good kid.  There is no n****r in him."

 OK, if you say so.
 In Oklahoma, no official source will dare quote him, so we have to guess.
 

 In no way, shape, or form was he just congratulating the player for being a good kid,
 but he was implying that the player was different from the rest of the African-Americans.

 Not sure what you intend to imply there.
 If you're correct, it sounds like Coach was saying,
"He's one of the good ones," which is racist talk for "I'm trying to be nice..."
 That's a good thing.
 

 Please don't tell me that after the whole big hub-bub about your liberal use of the n-word
 that your detractors were correct in labeling you a closet racist.

 Why would I tell you wrong people were right?
 You need to step back and recall how we got here.

 I was minding my own business, reading some friendly e-mail, and your hyperactive ass
 jumped in hurling accusations all around, and it seemed like you were begging for some
 faux Okie cowboy to scratch your tonsils from the inside using his size 11 boot.
 
 If your tonsils itch, bray "EEee-aww, EEee-aww," one more time and I'll scratch 'em for you.
 

 But then again this won't be the first time you have come up with a knee jerk reaction
 to a news story and not had your facts straight.

 Please list the times my knee-jerk reaction has been wrong.
(Jeopardy song playing...)

 In this case, the media is afraid to tell us what he said, so all we can do is guess.
 In that regard, my guess is probably better than yours.
 

 But if I don't specify which stories then I am just an imbecile, right Bart?

 I have nothing to gain by publicly assessing your mental shortcomings.
 I'll gain nothing by pointing out that which is obvious.
 

 Because, as anyone who reads your site knows, that you are always correct,

 I've made mistakes.
 Can you list any?
 

 ...your supporters are immensely astute,

 I think so, too.
 That's the first truth you've told.
 

 ...and your detractors are either republican slime or effete liberals.

 No, my detractors are generally afraid to confront me. They figure it's safer to hide
 at places like  freepsux.com  and diss me where I can't see them, but yes,
 I catch shit from doves for being too centrist and from fascists for being too liberal.
 I think that puts me in the middle, where the voters are.
 

 Bye and keep up the half-assed good work!
 Sherman
 

 My work is full ass.
 BTW, no charge for the verbs I added to your mangled grunting.

 ...and the next time you write?
 Come heavy, because I might be in a bad mood.

  Comments?

 SNL comes to Abdul's rescue
 
..

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The "American Idol" judge being investigated for fixing the Idol contest
 made a cameo appearance introducing the opening sketch on NBC's "Saturday Night Live."

 Abdul has called the allegations "lies" even if her accuser has phone records and voice
 recordings from Paula asking him to remain silent and not speak to the press.

  Comments?

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