"Republicans need to apologize for putting
us through the Clinton impeachment. We've
established that sexual stone-throwing is a dangerous
sport." -- Gail Collins, on Gov. Sanford and Sen.
"It's almost like Sanford was saying: 'I don't
give a damn! Country's going to hell in a handbasket. I just want out of here!' He had just
tried to fight the stimulus money coming to South Carolina. He didn't want any part of it. He lost the
battle and said "What the hell? The Federal government is taking over! I want to enjoy life!"
-- that idiot Pigboy, excusing Sanford's cheating by blaming Obama,
Hear Rush say it
Excerpt: You knew there had to be a woman. The only question
was how long it would take for Mark Sanford
to run through his list of apologies before getting
around to acknowledging it.
That was one painful press conference, as the
South Carolina governor, choking up at times, admitted that
"I spent the last five days of my life crying
in Argentina"--with his girlfriend. No carefully scripted talking points,
just an overwrought, guilt-ridden man. He came
apart on live television.
It was riveting, but you couldn't help but feel
a mixture of sympathy and revulsion as the self-described
"person of faith" talked about breaching "God's
While we don't yet know much about the mystery
woman named Maria--how long before TMZ gets a photo?
--it looks like the governor didn't fool around
with a staff member, or the wife of a staff member, or someone
getting a state contract. His spouse didn't have
cancer. He didn't use the federal stimulus money he opposed for
the trip. Adultery is illegal in South Carolina,
punishable by up to a year in jail, but let's write that off as a technicality.
Wait - when Clinton almost had sex with that woman, the GOP said, "We
are a nation of laws." If adultery is illegal in South Caroline, don't we have to arrest him?
Who chooses which laws will be upheld and which are "just techinicalities?"
Does Sanford get a free pass on his crimes because he's having a bad
It's my experience that you can't stop a cat like
The best way to deal with it is to compromise
-- find a way for him to do it that isn't so dangerous.
Have you considered rigging some kind of cat-ladder,
so that he can get up and down more safely?
I used a plank covered with carpet-scraps for
a while to help our cat.
If you hold on to him and kind of walk him up
it the first few times, he'll probably get the idea.
Then again, one of the wonderful things about
cats is that they are all different, and unpredictable.
Love the page!
Eric in Hiroshima
Excerpt: South Carolina Gov. (Still?)
Mark Sanford says he will reimburse the state for an "economic development
he took to Argentina last year during which he
met with his mistress.
The Fascist dog said in a statement Thursday that
he visited with his ho'er during the "trade mission" to Brazil
and Argentina last June. Sanford said he "made
a mistake" in seeing the woman while in Argentina.
State Commerce Department records indicate more
than $8,000 was spent in airfare, lodging and meals.
The governor's statement does not say how much
he will pay back.
Meanwhile, Sanford faced legal and ethical questions
Thursday as he fought to save his job after getting caught.
The state's top senator questioned whether Sanford
broke the law when he disappeared for several days on trip
see his ho'er in South America and didn't transfer
power to the lieutenant governor.
"I would think that if the evidence indicates
that there is a willful effort to circumvent the constitution,
I think there would be a chorus of calls for
him to resign," said state Sen. Glenn McConnell, a fellow Republican.
"Obama and Hitler have a great deal in common.
Obama and Hitler use the "blitzkrieg" method to overwhelm their enemies. Fast, carpet bombing
intent on destruction. Hitler’s blitzkrieg bombing destroyed many European cities – quickly and
effectively. Obama is systematically destroying the American economy and with it, America.
-- Joyce E. Thoman, President of Citizens Under Negative Turmoil,
I guess we should all be grateful that she didn't outright call
for his assassination.
I don't think that the cat has a problem... you
have the problem.
Lots of people have said that but we're not comfortable
gambling with Dax's life.
In the last two years Mrs. Bart has lost 2 cats,
her mother, her sister, her uncle acquired
dementia and she's had to deal with my multiple
health problems and hospitalizations so
putting a broken kitten to sleep is something
we're trying to avoid. I can't buy into the
idea that no cat can ever get hurt
by falling on a hard surface from any height.
Dozens of people wrote to say, "This
not to be a problem," which won't be much comfort to her if we have
to bury Dax.
Update I believe we have solved the problem.
We stacked new cardboard boxes on top of the cabinets so now there's
nowhere to jump.
I also want to thank all the people who wrote with suggestions.
They do this constantly.
They know their audience has Bush-for-brains
so they mislead them and they get away with it.
If the other networks would call them on it
they'd have to stop - but the whore media refuses to do it.
FOX knows that 90% of America has no idea which
party this unbalanced nut belongs to - so they lie.
It's a variation of Bart's
Law #2. Any time a person or entity makes a "mistake" that puts extra money (or power) in their pocket, expect them to make that "mistake" again and again and again.
Labeling Sanford a Democrat gives FOX more power
so they'll lie, mis-label and cheat for that extra power.
Guns to Church Pastor Urges His Flock to Pack Heat
Excerpt: Rethug Pastor Ken Pagano is passionate about
gun rights. He shoots regularly at the local firing range, and his sermon
two weeks ago was on “God, Guns, Gospel and Geometry.”
And Saturday, he is inviting his flock to wear or carry their
firearms into the sanctuary to “celebrate our
rights as Americans!” as a promotional flier for the “open carry celebration”
“God and guns were part of the foundation of this
country,” Mr. Pagano said.
“I don’t see any contradiction in this. Not every
Christian denomination is pacifist.”
Did he just say Christ was not a pacifist?
Jesus, how stupid can a religiously-insane pastor be?
Why do I know Jesus better than this handjob preacher?
And what if it's a hot day in Kentucky and people are sweating and irritable
and someone steps on
someone else's toe and the stepee says, "Hey
you clumsy ass - get the fuck off my toe,"
stepper says, "Who
are you calling a clumsy ass, you piece of shit" and they draw
their guns and fire?
At some Palin rally last year, she was lying about Obama and some Rethug
handjob yelled out, "Kill him!"
Most people can be trusted most of the time with guns.
But people are crazy and encouraging everyone to carry a gun is semi-suicidal.
Last week we talked about (I assume) a different pastor who asked his
flock to UNLOAD
their gunds and celebrate them. This Pagano guy apparently wants
those guns loaded and ready to fire.
And like all Rethugs, when someone gets shot, the pastor will say,
"How can you blame me for that?"
Subject: Republicans becoming
more sexually conservative - Updated
In the early 1990s it was rare to hear about a
Republican sex scandal. But after the Clinton affair was exposed
Republicans started being caught cheating on
their wives, fathering children out of wedlock, and caught with prostitutes
(Livingston, Gingrich). Even Republican women
like Helen Chenoweth were getting caught.
By 2006 Republicans had moved on to homosexual
encounters in airport restrooms (Craig) and going after male
congressional pages (Foley). Things were getting
out of control. If the trend continued people would have had to
tie up their dogs when Republicans were around.
Then Senator Vitter reversed the trend moving
back from male prostitutes to female prostitutes, and now
Senator Ensign, a Promise Keeper, was having
an affair with a married female staffer. Governor Marc Stanford
also caught having an affair with a woman. Is
this a move back to traditional family values? I think so.
Republicans might be disturbed but Senators Ensign’s
and Governor Sanford's affair but I think the Republicans
are moving back to their traditional values.
If the Republicans can get Vitter, Ensign, and Sanford to resign they
can show their Christian conservative base that
they believe what they say and prove the Atheists wrong.
The page would be a big loss if sacrified to make
I like both, but only the page can have those
great cartoons and photoshop jokes.
Plus the Monkey Mail icons, and what about the
Shirley pix? As a subscriber,
I'd be happy with a show per week or three compared
to 4-5 new pages a week.
We want the page, we love the page, we NEED the
Jane in Beantown
P.S. Can't you lay off Dr. Laura? Still hate her,
I mean, but lay off the photos.
It's been repeated enough by now. Or find some
nude men to punish : )
OK, I'll ease back on the naked Laura pictures...
as soon as she stops being a hypocritical harpy
I haven't heard her in a long time but whenever
a single mother calls in
she stops her and says, "Widowed,
divorced or are you just a cheap slut?"
If a single woman confesses to having a sex life,
Laura will ask her,
"Does he leave a twenty on the dresser afterwards?
That's when I feel like buying a billboard on
the highway for those photos.
Part of my job is handing out punishment to the
guilty and she's among the worst.
Excerpt: With Iran in fearful turmoil whose outcome nobody
can predict, some political rivals are urging Obama to make
a theatrical gesture affirming that the United
States remains, as Sen. John McCain put it, "the greatest nation in history."
The Washington Post quoted a conservative intellectual
lamenting that Obama "seems unwilling to aggressively project American global power, as if it were something
to be ashamed of."
This would be the same John Mc-Cain, incidentally,
who announced last year, "We are all Georgians," during that country's
brief, bloody confrontation with Russia. It was
meaningless bravado, forgotten within days. One needn't doubt his sincerity
to note that McCain's audience was purely domestic.
Few in the rebellious former Soviet republic were deceived into thinking
that American help was on the way.
So it is with the Iranian crisis, except more
so. It should be lost on nobody, and it definitely resonates in Tehran,
if not all, of the U.S. hard-liners urging Obama
to take sides in Iran's disputed election spent the preceding eight years
then-President George W. Bush to bomb Iran to
After 9/11, Iran rendered assistance to the U.S.
in attacking al-Qa'ida, a mutual enemy, in Afghanistan. Bush nevertheless
dubbed it part of his ill-fated "axis of evil,"
absurdly linking Iran to Iraq, against which it fought a catastrophic war
during the 1980s.
McCain, it will be remembered, sang "Bomb,
Bomb Iran" to the tune of the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" last year.
Once again, Gene Lyons is exactly right.
The blood-thirsty loons that caused most of the world's problems want
Excerpt: On one side there’s Barack the Policy Wonk, whose
command of the issues — and ability to explain
those issues in plain English — is a joy to behold.
But on the other side there’s Barack the Post-Partisan,
who searches for common ground where none exists,
and whose negotiations with himself lead
to policies that are far too weak.
Both Baracks were on display in the president’s
press conference earlier this week. First, Obama offered a
crystal-clear explanation of the case for health
care reform, and especially of the case for a public option
competing with private insurers. “If private
insurers say that the marketplace provides the best quality health care,
if they tell us that they’re offering a good
deal,” he asked, “then why is it that the government, which they say
can’t run anything, suddenly is going to drive
them out of business? That’s not logical.”
But when asked whether the public option was non-negotiable
he waffled, declaring that there are no “lines in the sand.”
Bill Maher said it better two weeks ago - he wants Obama to be more
like Bush in that Bush
was an arrogant bastard who never cared what other people thought.
Obama seems the opposite.
Obama cares too much what others think and the end result is
too much compromise.
But you can't compromise with Fascist dogs with bad intent.
Hopefully Obama will learn that in his first term.
"You can't believe Obama puts our national
security in front of moral outrage? You know what I can't believe? That this bothers you -- Charles Krauthammer
-- given your views on torture." -- Jon Stewart, one
of the few who fight back,
Note: If you sign up,
you'll get a Twitter message when
that day's page is fresh and hot.
Subject: Become a Church Greeter!
A visitor comes to your church. God has given
you an opportunity.
They walk in, they do not know anyone or what
to expect yet, they have come to your
congregation wanting to worship. Sometimes they
are looking for a church home,
sometimes a place to come into contact with God.
What they really, really want is a friendly face,
a warm handshake, and...well...a friend.
Your congregation is probably very friendly, but
unless these guests are greeted and helped
within the first few seconds in your building,
they will not think of your church as a friendly one.
Here is a plan, step-by-step, 'do this, then do
this, then do this.' Your plan for greeting guests
and maintaining a greeters ministry is here.
Ready to go by Sunday.
"Oooooh, what a lucky man, he was." -- Greg Lake, talking about Mark
It was probably late 1982 and I was watching Richard
Pryor on The Tonight Show.
He told Johnny that he'd recently been to a party
that Michael had also attended.
Richard said that Michael was dancing at this
party and he was doing a new dance move
that - somehow - he was walking backwards while
he was walking forwards.
Of course, at the time we had no idea what Richard
was talking about.
It was that fantastic Moonwalk.
When I saw that at the Motown Show, I jumped out
of my chair.
When the song was over, I replayed that again
I played it in slow motion, trying to figure
out how the fuck he did that.
After he was found Not Guilty at his molestation
trial, I had some advice for Michael
on an old Bartcop Radio show that
I sure wish I could find. I told Michael: "Put a band together and go on the road. Don't bring the Monkey,
don't bring the circus. Don't bring the Elephant Man's bones,
just pretend you're a singer in a rock and roll band."
Spookily, I suggested:
"And don't have some damn lottery with tickets. Play in the same city again and again
until everyone who wants to see you can."
He planned 50 shows in London next month - they say he sold
out in 5 hours.
He took my advice, but not in time.
For the record, I believe he was innocent of the molestation charges.
I know that "everyone knows he did
it," but I've always been an evidence guy.
He said, "Yes, I slept with young boys, but
not sexually. Don't you sleep with your kids and people
you love?" I believed him.
As I'm always saying, You Never
Pay a Blackmailer.
If I had been an advisor to him back in the day, I would've said
"Don't settle these sex charges - it'll just invite more claims." But he never heard my advice and stupidly, he paid some kid's family
Once word got out that Michael had paid $20 to that kid's family every
who had ever been to Neverland suddenly remembered being "molested."
I think he was mentally ill.
With all that money, he died broke, alone, addicted and abused. From
the age of ten,
he was abused by every leech from Gary, Indiana to Los Angeles to Dubai.
Perhaps the only people who didn't fuck him were Lisa Marie and Elizabeth
They had their own money - they didn't need to steal his.
"If Republicans want a presidential candidate
who lives clean and whose family hasn't been involved in tabloid scandals,
it might soon be Mitt Romney by process of elimination." -- Rich Lowry, with one of the best
lines of the year, Link
i hope this helps some. i love reading the
i tried to read everyday while i was in iraq
and was always disappointed
when you couldn't get an update out or the weekend
sometimes you just need to read smartass comments.
HS, thanks for that.
Glad you made it back home safe.
Our motto for
this year is - "No Anti-Bush Site Left Behind".
So - if you have an anti-bush site and you are choking on hosting
fees or dealing with threats - let us know and we'll help keep you online.
have that strongest server side spam filtering on the planet.
Check out Marx
Mail for info on how you can have a Spam
Free Email Account.
What is the bonus?
It's a tag-team ambush by Howard Stern and Robin.
One of their employees got a word wrong - traction -
and they jumped on him and tortured him for twelve minutes
I don't know of any other comic or comic team that could've pulled
It was live, it was spontaneous and it was amazing.
If you know someone who says Stern has no talent - play this for them.
It's the hardest I've laughed this year - I hope you like it.
thanks to yb for the photo
"I had my Bond experience with the band and
it was pretty fantastic, but I’m a bit too old to be a Bond girl. There’s a few other acting roles being talked
about, but, for the moment, I’m just playing it by ear. Music-wise, I’m beginning to get the itch again because
for a while I just didn’t have the desire to sing, but now I’m beginning to get it back and hopefully I’ll get it together
fairly soon." -- Shirley
favorite Shirley picture?
the picture, don't send a description of the picture.)