Excerpt: Once the death was confirmed, another issue arose.
How does one eulogize a superstar who, even without the various
accusations of pedophilia, was something of a
freak? Or was, as several talking heads put it, "a troubled individual."
In recent years, Jackson has been more infamous
than famous, known for his increasingly alarming appearance,
the charges of child molestation and his subsequent
business-arrangement marriage that led to his single fatherhood.
It’s hard to remember another celebrity death
in which the crowds gathering to mourn were repeatedly compared
to the crowds that gathered for the recently
deceased’s sexual abuse trial.
But what’s a poor newscaster to do? Michael Jackson
is perhaps the most fatally flawed historical icon since Napoleon.
Al Sharpton was right to remind crowds that Jackson
and his family broke a color barrier - the Jackson 5 were beloved
by teenyboppers of every race and, at his height,
Jackson’s fan base was international. But there is also no denying that
he was a troubling figure, with his self-professed
devotion to children, his queasy Neverland bubble, his strange and lavish
shopping habits (Did he really buy the body of
the Elephant Man? Sleep in a decompression chamber? ) and the whole
mask thing. In later years he became a professional
eccentric, glimpses of him in public a bit like alien sightings.
Wait - what if Jackson had some form of mental illness?
Lots of signs point to that - but what was the whore media's excuse?
MJ would call some whore magazine and say, "I'm
going to fly to the Moon Friday." Instead of ignoring that non-story, the headlines would scream,
"Wacko Jacko Going to Moon!"
For whatever reason he was addicted to making news, but he couldn't
do it by himself.
You crazy press bastards loved driving him crazy and I think you succeeded.
I know you guns haters won't like this, but the
facts are the facts.
For years, I've said I don't like abortion, but
I back abortion rights because
that's the price we pay to avoid
some religiously-insane prick like Jim Inhofe
making reproductive decisons for every pregnant
womon in America.
The same is true with guns (Handguns, not assault
Right now, Ahmahandjob and the religiously-insane
ayatollahs are staging nightly
home invasions, grabbing people from their beds
who they suspect might be protestors.
That could never happen in America because we
own 200 million guns.
What is it - 30,000 people die from guns each
year in America? I f-ing hate that,
but that's the price we pay to
avoid some religiously-insane prick like Ahmahandjob
from stealing an election - then crushing everybody
who has a problem with his theft.
Guns have caused lots of grief over the years,
and they have destroyed maybe
a million families, but we will never be held
prisoner the way Iran is right now.
I'm right about this - and maybe you silently
know that's true - but the Liberal Handbook
says we gotta hate guns and that wrong idea has
severely crippled us in the voting booths,
perhaps no more than the election of 2000 that
begat 2004 which begat the mess we're in today.
Hell, one could make the case that Iran
would be our ally today if Gore had won in 2000.
One could make the case that North Korea
wouldn't have nukes if Bush hadn't targeted them.
One could make the case that the World
Trade Center would still be standing if Democrats
weren't so bat-shit crazy when it comes to owning
If Al Gore had my position on guns rights, he
would've won Tennessee and Der Crazy Fuhrer
would've been a historical footnote like Ross
Perot or Paul Tsongas - but noooooooooooooo.
Democrats were unable to get away from the "Guns
are evil" position
and America recoiled and decided to "elect" Bush
and look where we are.
Wisely, Obama refused to address guns in the 2008
It was McCain's mistake not to go after Obama
harder on guns.
I suggest we not hang ourselves with guns.
Iran had just 10% of our guns, 20 million, Ahmahandjob wouldn't dare
order home invasions.
If Ahmahandjob sent his goons to Casa de
Bart, they'd probably win but I'd take ten of them with me.
Iran had 20M guns, we'd have a Hussein in the White House and we'd have
a Hossein running
an very Internet-savvy Iran and maybe, just maybe,
Israel'd be in a position to cool their jets, literally.
Go ahead - argue that point with me.
Do we want to stay with the Liberal position that
are evil?" Or do we want to win elections and prevent government
To paraphrase my late, great good friend
"When you have 200M guns, nobody calls
Sidebar: If you like Richard Pryor and would like to help some dogs and cats
Here Order Richard
Pryor: ...And It's Deep Too! It's comedy's Rosetta Stone.
"Michael Jackson managed to knock both that
two-timing South Carolina governor and that two-timing, Bible-thumping senator
from Nevada off the front page. Republicans haven't gotten that much help from a black man since
Sammy Davis Jr. hugged Richard Nixon."
-- a cab driver to former SF mayor Willie Brown, Link
If you trade in a heavy car for a light car you
increase the fatality rate per crash.
Trucks about 45 fatalities per 100 million miles,
Big cars about 35 per 100 million and little, itsy-bitsy,
consumer reports, greenpeace, econoboxe, japanese,
American or europest about 95 per 100 million.
So in order to not burn oil, you will kill 2 or
3 thousand extra people per year.
No Blood for Oil Import Reduction!
Are you talkin' to me?
I have no idea what you intended to say.
Are you saying *I* am the champion of tiny cars?
Or am I the champion of "Do what you want!"
with you car?
I wasn't aware I had an opinion on car size and
mileage, but I've always been consistent.
We could reduce automobile deaths to zero
if we'd just agree to give up our cars.
But we don't do that, and car deaths are the
price we pay for driving cars.
We could reduce alcohol deaths to zero
if we'd just agree to give up our booze.
But we don't do that, and alcohol deaths are
price we pay for drinking alcohol.
We could reduce swimming pool deaths to zero
if we'd just agree to give up our pools.
But we don't do that, and pool deaths are the
price we pay for having pools.
Excerpt: When Sanford disappeared, his wife hoped he was
really hiking on the Appalachian Trail as his staff had claimed.
She was stunned to find out he had dared to go
to Argentina to see his mistress, a trip she told him not to take.
"He was told in no uncertain terms not to see
her," Jenny Sanford said in a strong, steady voice Friday.
"I was hoping he was on the Appalachian Trail.
But I was not worried about his safety. I was hoping
he was doing some real soul searching somewhere
and devastated to find out it was Argentina. It's tragic."
Sanford said her husband repeatedly sought permission
to visit his lover in the months after she discovered his infidelity.
"I said absolutely not. It's one thing to forgive
adultery; it's another thing to condone it," she told The Whore AP.
He's that crazy?
"Honey, can I go bang my girlfriend?
Please? Pleaeeeeease? I really, really want to bang
her - please? Can't I go bang her - please?"
And now he's back to ask for forgiveness?
Now he wants a second chance?
"Obama pointed out rising costs--left unchecked--are
going to destroy the health care system. You might like your current insurance
arrangements, Obama suggested, but there's no reason to think they'll be in place a few years from
now. At best, your plan will simply become less comprehensive and/or more expensive. At worst, it
will no longer be available to you."
-- Jonathan Cohn, Link
Uh, Jonathan, you forgot the most obvious scenario:
You pay an insurance company for 40 years and when you need them,
they laugh and say, "Go fuck yourself,"
and then you get to hire a lawyer.
By the time it gets to court - you're dead.
Health care is broke and the super-rich thugs who run it
like things the way they are.
If the Democrats would list the facts, we'd all
get better health care.
Blake getting away with shooting his wife to death,
to the six-year trial of Phil
Spector (they actually won one?)
to the mother of all police scandals - the Rampart
to the illegal Paris
Hilton"the public wants that bitch jailed"
now they bungle the news about Michael Jackson's autopsy results.
They said they'd have a statement for the press at 11 AM.
Then they said no, it would be delayed 90 minutes.
Then they said no, it would be delayed another 90 minutes.
Then they finally announced, "We don't know
If they didn't know anything, why delay the press conference twice?
How much more poorly could they have handled that?
Are the Three Stooges running the LAPD?
Adding to the problem - the whole world was watching.
Do you ever watch The Closer with Kyra Sedgwick?
Kyra plays Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson - she's in charge of LA's Robbery/Homicide
the same unit that is investigating the circumstances around Michael
BTW, good show, I recommend you catch in on Monday nights.
On The Closer is a pair of idiot, bungling, lose-the-evidence
lieutenants, Provenza and Flynn.
The kicker? Yhe show's "consulting producer" is Gil Garcetti
- remember that name?
He's the unstable handjob who announce the LA cops "had
a mountain of evidence" against OJ,
yet they managed to bungle that case - one of the biggest and most-watched
trials in American history.
They had OJ nailed to the wall, until they took a vial of his blood
to the crime scene - and then they took
it home with one of the racist detectives - and then it came up short.
For example, they took 400ml of
blood but there was only 300ml of blood when they turned it in to the
Evidence Room next day.
Sidebar: Was Mark Furhman working for O.J.?
That gave Johnny Cochran the opening he needed - the openly racist,
purjury-plagued LA cops
were out to get "a brother" because they were too stupid and too lazy
to catch the real killer.
Sidebar: With Gil Garcetti giving them tips on how to make the show more real,
I'm betting the Provenza and Flynn characters are based on real people.
Friday's bungling tells me the LA cops haven't changed one bit in all
Ken Pagano, the pastor of the New Bethel Church
in Louisville, KY, recently invited his congregation
to bring their unloaded firearms
into the house of worship to “celebrate our rights as Americans!”
Yesterday’s bring-your-gun-to-church day, to
which more than 200 people showed up, also featured
“a $1 raffle of a handgun, firearms safety lessons
and a picnic.” Pagano reportedly thought up the event
“after some church members expressed concern
about members of Obama administration’s views on
gun control, though the president hasn’t moved
to put new restrictions on ownership.” Since Obama’s
election, there has been a boom in gun sales,
stoked largely by a multi-million dollar misinformation
campaign by the National Rifle Association.
An unloaded gun is just a piece of pipe.
Why are they celebrating pipes at church?
Didn't that get Tommy Chong some jail time?
I would like to propose a memorial for those
Americans who have died/will die in the Iraq war.
A ring of statues of the principle warmongers
(Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, etc) all facing inwards
with the names of the dead inscribed on their
backs. For added effect, maybe all of the statues' hands
could drip water to symbolize blood.
Phil in St. Louis
Excerpt: Everyone on the planet knows Michael Jackson
and that caused big problems for a lot of huge websites
when the news of his death broke. Twitter
was really sucking wind for much of the hour that people were
trying to get information about him. But Twitter
was hardly the only site that was struggling.
TMZ, which broke the story, was down at multiple
points throughout the ordeal. As a result, Perez Hilton’s
blog may have failed as people rushed there to
try and confirm the news. Then it was the LATimes which had
a report saying Jackson was only in a coma rather
than dead, so people rushed there, and that site went down.
(The LATimes eventually confirmed his passing.)
Are we going to see the biggest funeral in modern history tomorrow?
Has America ever had a global star as big as MJ?
I'd suggest a slow ride thru Harlem and then a slow ride down Sunset
Excerpt: Whenever the latest Republican politician is
caught with his zipper undone, a predictable moment of introspection on
inevitably ensues. Pundits, bloggers and perplexed
citizens ruminate over the lessons they have learned, again and again,
frailty, false piety and the temptations of flesh
and power. They express concern for the damaged family and lament the fall
another promising young hypocrite. They resolve
to restore the purity of their movement and always remember to remind us
this is all Bill Clinton's fault. What they never
do is face up to an increasingly embarrassing fact about themselves and
The proof is in the penance, or lack thereof,
inflicted on the likes of Mark Sanford, John Ensign and David Vitter, to
cite a few
names from the top of a long, long list. For
ideologues who value biblical morality and believe in the efficacy of punishment,
conservatives are as tolerant of their famous
sinners as the jaded libertines of the left. Even after confessing to the
most flagrant and
colorful fornication, the worst that a conservative
must anticipate is a stern scolding, followed by warm assurances of God's
and a swift return to business as usual.
"When I look back on the Bush years, I think
of the lies. There were so many. Lies about the war and lies to cover up the lies about the war.
Lies about torture and surveillance. Lies about Valerie Plame. Cheney's lies, criminally prosecutable but
for his chief of staff Scooter Libby's lies. I also think about the extraordinary and fundamentally cancerous
expansion of executive power that led to violations of our laws and our principles. And while this wasn't
as readily apparent until President Obama took office, it's now very clear that the Bush years were all about kicking
the can down the road – either ignoring problems or, even worse, creating them and not solving them. This was
true of a huge range of issues including the economy, energy, health care, global warming – and of course
Iraq and Afghanistan." -- Dan froomkin, fired
from the WaHoPo for not being Nazi enough, Link
Stairway to Heaven again?
You know there are other songs.
Yes, there are other songs.
But I like Page playing that song live, and I was f-ing celebrating.
Each time a doctor tells me I'm falling less quickly than expected,
gonna play a live Stairway. (Not that I have a Heaven fetish - I'm all guitar and
music - I couldn't care less about the lyrics.)
And next time a doctor tells me I'm falling less quickly than
expected that, I'm gonna play the whole song (different night) and if I get lucky again, I'm gonna close with two
songs from their "Listen to This, Eddie," 1977 masterpiece - perhaps named as a taunt to then-hot
newbie Eddie Van Halen.
Hey, when you're the short stack, you tend to get a little greedy.
I hope you get reeeeeal tired of hearing
to Heaven at the end of some BCR!
Note: If you sign up,
you'll get a Twitter message when
that day's page is fresh and hot.
Subject: Michael Jackson
Sad day. Farrah was beautiful and many of us
tried in vain to feather our hair like hers.
Just look at any 70's high school year book.
MJ was the music of my teen and college years.
My roommie and I used to watch MTV (back when
they played music videos) in our p.j.s
and tried to learn the dance to Thriller. We
skipped classes to watch the premier of Thriller.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I too thought he was innocent.
Michael is dead, and yet O.J. lives.
There is no justice.
I remember the Thriller premier, too. During
the middle of it, I remember thinking
how the biggest music star in the world was getting
bigger with each passing minute.
Same for the night Madonna rolled around that
MTV stage in her bridal gown.
Subject: Michael Jackson
I was very happy to read your thoughts of MJ’s
innocence, especially since I respect your opinions.
I’ve felt the same way all along.
But I think he died happier than you think … he had a new show,
sold out crowds and a chance to reclaim his throne
in the world.
I'm very sad we’ll never see what he would have
done in that.
Debbie from Milwaukee
I'm concerned that not all of my fellow Democrats
get the "innocent until proven guilty" thing.
I caught hell for saying they should have proof
that Scott Peterson was guilty, too.
All we saw was Nancy Grace, trying to build her
career - and she succeeded.
"I had started my investigation convinced that
Jackson was guilty. By the end, I no longer believed that. I could not find a single shred of
evidence suggesting that Jackson had molested a child. But I found significant evidence demonstrating
that most, if not all, of his accusers lacked credibility and were motivated primarily by money." -- Ian Halperin, a freelance
journalist who investigated MJ, Link
We'll never know for sure unless someone
comes forth with some evidence.
The lack of evidence should trouble those
of us who believe in the law.
If some kid 's parents came forward with
MJ's semen on their kid's underwear,
then that evidence should've been used
against him in a court of law.
But any accusation about "that weirdo" was
pure gold to the shit our press has become.
If the press "mistakenly" over-covers an
MJ accusation and their ratings shoot thru the roof,
that means they're going to over-cover
the next no-proof allegations and the next one and the next.
Maybe you have a different opinion - fine.
But we shouldn't put people in cages because
people have different opinions.
It's called "evidence" and we should remember
Excerpt: "You have the alcohol spirit. You have the crack
cocaine spirit. You have the adulterous spirit. Everything carries a spirit.
Manifested Glories Ministries is not against
homosexuality. We do not hate them. We do not come up against them.
We just do not believe in their lifestyle."
--Pastor Patricia McKinney of Connecticut's
Manifested Handjob Ministries
We have broken the $4,000
level! Thanks to all who have been so generous.
I know what you're thinking...
"I've been reading bartcop.com
for years, maybe I should send Ol' Bart a 'love' check."
I think we started this the last day of February.
Now we're into June - but we're 4/5 thru :)
survive! The bart kitties are eating machines.
send a 'love' check to
bartcop.com PO Box 54466 Tulsa, OK 74155
- Tribute to Michael Jackson The O'Jays
They told us the surprise superstars would amaze
They said the whole show had been "re-tooled"
to pay tribute to Michael.
By the way, did you know Jamie Foxx starts his
tour in Vegas July 3-4?
They said Usher and Justin Timberlake were flying
in and the surprise superstars
forced the producers to extend the show another
Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas
The opening was scary because host Jamie Foxx announced that he'd been
and his profanity-laced monolog made me think he was telling the truth.
Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas
I saw Kanye in the crowd - I guess he wasn't influenced
He was scheduled to perform, but there was not
a whisper about why he didn't.
From the NY Whore Daily News:
The BET Awards were transformed into an all-star
tribute to the life of Michael Jackson
on Sunday night as a star-studded lineup tried
to channel the lost pop icon's spirit.
Really? That's not what was shown
on my TV.
I saw the shows as planned, with a weak, opening
tribute by strangers posing as Jacksons.
Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas
They did have one surprise superstar guest
- a shell-shocked Janet.
She spoke about 60 seconds and got off before she melted.
Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas
Since it's early, they only had three kinds, so I grabbed four
ears each (I'll go back tomorrow for more)
I got some Sugar Pearl (white as the GOP) some Sweet Temptation
(90% white, 10% yellow) and Bodacious (yellow).
I wanted to see which of the three was best so I could get more of
I'm sitting here at my computer with three 6-ounce cups of corn - all
different colors - oozing with luxury butter.
BTW, this is how you drink fine tequila, too - three samples at a time.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, boy, you can taste that 110 degree Oklahoma sun
in every bite.
And with the help of two more weeks of blistering Okie sun, it'll just
get better and better.
Damn, I forgot to tell you to buy Land-o-Lakes butter stock.
Wouldn't hurt to buy some Morton's, too.
Damn, that's good corn.
Last night we had Train
Station Chicken and corn - tonight it's corn and something else.
Now I remember - this
is why we live in this Koresh-foresaken hellhole.
Well, that and the tequila here is cheaper than any place in America.
Our motto for
this year is - "No Anti-Bush Site Left Behind".
So - if you have an anti-bush site and you are choking on hosting
fees or dealing with threats - let us know and we'll help keep you online.
have that strongest server side spam filtering on the planet.
Check out Marx
Mail for info on how you can have a Spam
Free Email Account.
What is the bonus?
It's a tag-team ambush by Howard Stern and Robin.
One of their employees got a word wrong - traction -
and they jumped on him and tortured him for twelve minutes
I don't know of any other comic or comic team that could've pulled
It was live, it was spontaneous and it was amazing.
If you know someone who says Stern has no talent - play this for them.
It's the hardest I've laughed this year - I hope you like it.
thanks to yb for the super-hot photo
favorite Shirley picture?
the picture, don't send a description of the picture.)