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WELCOME TO BARTCOP.COM A modem, a smart mouth and the truthNews and Commentary NOT Approved by Karl Rove, bcause vicious extremists can NOT be appeased.

HOTBCR 154 is upHOTLinks at bottom

 Weekend-Monday  June 27-29, 2009  Vol 2357 - Corn!

Quote of the Day

"You know who has socialized medicine 
  in this country? Everyone over 65 and 
  everybody in Congress."
     -- Howard Dean, listing the facts, Link

   Howard Dean, who the whore press needlessly
   screwed maybe worse than anyone else in my lifetime.


In Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Arrow Michael Jackson - a Freak 
Arrow Gunless Violence in Iran HOT
Arrow Sanford's Wife Speaks HOT
Arrow LA Cops - they never change 
Arrow Church of "Gay Exorcisms" 
Arrow Rehugs are Liberals in Drag
Arrow Conrad Farms - Bixby Corn HOT
Arrow Carmen Electra's Strip Poker 



Mike Malloy Live


"You've got to be careful when quoting Ronald Reagan, 
  because when you quote him accurately it's called mudslinging."
      -- Walter Mondale, 

  Send e-mail to Bart  |  Discuss it on The BartCop ForumComment on it at the BartBlog!

The Story

Michael Jackson - something of a Freak


Once the death was confirmed, another issue arose. How does one eulogize a superstar who, even without the various 
accusations of pedophilia, was something of a freak? Or was, as several talking heads put it, "a troubled individual." 
In recent years, Jackson has been more infamous than famous, known for his increasingly alarming appearance, 
the charges of child molestation and his subsequent business-arrangement marriage that led to his single fatherhood. 

It’s hard to remember another celebrity death in which the crowds gathering to mourn were repeatedly compared 
to the crowds that gathered for the recently deceased’s sexual abuse trial.

But what’s a poor newscaster to do? Michael Jackson is perhaps the most fatally flawed historical icon since Napoleon. 
Al Sharpton was right to remind crowds that Jackson and his family broke a color barrier - the Jackson 5 were beloved 
by teenyboppers of every race and, at his height, Jackson’s fan base was international. But there is also no denying that 
he was a troubling figure, with his self-professed devotion to children, his queasy Neverland bubble, his strange and lavish 
shopping habits (Did he really buy the body of the Elephant Man? Sleep in a decompression chamber? ) and the whole 
mask thing. In later years he became a professional eccentric, glimpses of him in public a bit like alien sightings.

Wait - what if Jackson had some form of mental illness?
Lots of signs point to that - but what was the whore media's excuse?

MJ would call some whore magazine and say, "I'm going to fly to the Moon Friday." 
Instead of ignoring that non-story, the headlines would scream, "Wacko Jacko Going to Moon!"

For whatever reason he was addicted to making news, but he couldn't do it by himself.
You crazy press bastards loved driving him crazy and I think you succeeded.

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Subject: my 'I Miss Clinton' bumper sticker

I'm starting to get thumbs up and other signs of approval from drivers again.
Why is that?
 Mike C.

Maybe people remember how great this country was 10-15 years ago.

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Gunless Violence in Iran

I know you guns haters won't like this, but the facts are the facts.

For years, I've said I don't like abortion, but I back abortion rights because
that's the price we pay to avoid some religiously-insane prick like Jim Inhofe
making reproductive decisons for every pregnant womon in America.

The same is true with guns (Handguns, not assault rifles.)

Right now, Ahmahandjob and the religiously-insane ayatollahs are staging nightly
home invasions, grabbing people from their beds who they suspect might be protestors.

That could never happen in America because we own 200 million guns.
What is it - 30,000 people die from guns each year in America?   I  f-ing hate that,
but that's the price we pay to avoid some religiously-insane prick like Ahmahandjob
from stealing an election - then crushing everybody who has a problem with his theft.

Guns have caused lots of grief over the years, and they have destroyed maybe
a million families, but we will never be held prisoner the way Iran is right now.

I'm right about this - and maybe you silently know that's true - but the Liberal Handbook
says we gotta hate guns and that wrong idea has severely crippled us in the voting booths,
perhaps no more than the election of 2000 that begat 2004 which begat the mess we're in today.

Hell, one could make the case that Iran would be our ally today if Gore had won in 2000.
One could make the case that North Korea wouldn't have nukes if Bush hadn't targeted them.
One could make the case that the World Trade Center would still be standing if Democrats
weren't so bat-shit crazy when it comes to owning guns.

If Al Gore had my position on guns rights, he would've won Tennessee and Der Crazy Fuhrer
would've been a historical footnote like Ross Perot or Paul Tsongas - but noooooooooooooo.

Democrats were unable to get away from the "Guns are evil" position
and America recoiled and decided to "elect" Bush and look where we are.

Wisely, Obama refused to address guns in the 2008 campaign.
It was McCain's mistake not to go after Obama harder on guns.

I suggest we not hang ourselves with guns.
If Iran had just 10% of our guns, 20 million, Ahmahandjob wouldn't dare order home invasions.
If Ahmahandjob sent his goons to Casa de Bart, they'd probably win but I'd take ten of them with me.

If Iran had 20M guns, we'd have a Hussein in the White House and we'd have a Hossein running
an very Internet-savvy Iran and maybe, just maybe, Israel'd be in a position to cool their jets, literally.

Go ahead - argue that point with me.

Do we want to stay with the Liberal position that "Guns are evil?"
Or do we want to win elections and prevent government tyranny?

To paraphrase my late, great good friend Richard Pryor,
"When you have 200M guns, nobody calls you nigger."

If you like Richard Pryor and would like to help some dogs and cats Click Here
Order Richard Pryor: ...And It's Deep Too!
It's comedy's Rosetta Stone.

Your kids have no idea you're this hip.

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Marty's Entertainment Page

Marty always has good stuff.

Click on the E!


"Michael Jackson managed to knock both that two-timing South Carolina governor and that 
  two-timing, Bible-thumping senator from Nevada off the front page. Republicans haven't gotten 
  that much help from a black man since Sammy Davis Jr. hugged Richard Nixon."
      -- a cab driver to former SF mayor Willie Brown,    Link

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Dining Room tables

Subject: clunker bill is "blood for oil", Barty-boy

I thought you were all about "No Blood for Oil".


If you trade in a heavy car for a light car you increase the fatality rate per crash. 
Trucks about 45 fatalities per 100 million miles, Big cars about 35 per 100 million and little, itsy-bitsy, 
consumer reports, greenpeace, econoboxe, japanese, American or europest about 95 per 100 million.

So in order to not burn oil, you will kill 2 or 3 thousand extra people per year.
No Blood for Oil Import Reduction!

Are you talkin' to me?

I have no idea what you intended to say.
Are you saying *I* am the champion of tiny cars?
Or am I the champion of "Do what you want!" with you car?

I wasn't aware I had an opinion on car size and mileage, but I've always been consistent.
We could reduce automobile deaths to zero if we'd just agree to give up our cars.
But we don't do that, and car deaths are the price we pay for driving cars.

We could reduce alcohol deaths to zero if we'd just agree to give up our booze.
But we don't do that, and alcohol deaths are the price we pay for drinking alcohol.

We could reduce swimming pool deaths to zero if we'd just agree to give up our pools.
But we don't do that, and pool deaths are the price we pay for having pools.

So what do you want from me?

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Sanford's Wife Speaks


When Sanford disappeared, his wife hoped he was really hiking on the Appalachian Trail as his staff had claimed.
She was stunned to find out he had dared to go to Argentina to see his mistress, a trip she told him not to take.

"He was told in no uncertain terms not to see her," Jenny Sanford said in a strong, steady voice Friday.
"I was hoping he was on the Appalachian Trail. But I was not worried about his safety. I was hoping
he was doing some real soul searching somewhere and devastated to find out it was Argentina. It's tragic."

Sanford said her husband repeatedly sought permission to visit his lover in the months after she discovered his infidelity.

"I said absolutely not. It's one thing to forgive adultery; it's another thing to condone it," she told The Whore AP.

He's that crazy?

"Honey, can I go bang my girlfriend?  Please?  Pleaeeeeease?
  I really, really want to bang her - please?  Can't I go bang her - please?"

And now he's back to ask for forgiveness?
Now he wants a second chance? 

AFTER she warned him not to screw up?

How can he stay in office after that interview?

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This Just In...

CNN just hinted that MJ's father (81) is fighting MJ's mother (79) for the kids.

I think the choices for those poor kids are bleaker and bleaker, still.

This is a family with problems...

    Send e-mail to Bart  | Discuss it on The BartCop ForumComment on it at the BartBlog

Call the BartPhone 1-800-530-2979 and leave your
2 minute message or question or joke or impression to be played on BCR.
If you screw it up, just say it again and I'll edit the bad part out.

Be in BCR 155

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"Obama pointed out rising costs--left unchecked--are going to destroy the health care system. 
  You might like your current insurance arrangements, Obama suggested, but there's no reason to think 
  they'll be in place a few years from now. At best, your plan will simply become less comprehensive 
  and/or more expensive. At worst, it will no longer be available to you." 
      -- Jonathan Cohn,    Link

 Uh, Jonathan, you forgot the most obvious scenario:

 You pay an insurance company for 40 years and when you need them,
 they laugh and say, "Go fuck yourself," and then you get to hire a lawyer.

 By the time it gets to court - you're dead.

 Health care is broke and the super-rich thugs who run it like things the way they are.
 If the Democrats would list the facts, we'd all get better health care.

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On  iTunes

Subject: Sanford vs. Clinton

As I recall, Clinton was impeached supposedly for lying under oath.
Sanford did beat around the bush, but didn't ultimately lie.

Clinton was accused of lying.
The jury found him Not Guilty.

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LA Cops - they never change
 Are they crooked or super-stupid?


From the broken chain of evidence in the OJ murder case,
to the cop-witnessed murder of  The Notorious B.I.G.,
to the super-famous Rodney King beating,

to Robert Blake getting away with shooting his wife to death,
to the six-year trial of Phil Spector (they actually won one?)
to the mother of all police scandals - the Rampart Scandal,
to the illegal Paris Hilton "the public wants that bitch jailed" scandal...
now they bungle the news about Michael Jackson's autopsy results.

They said they'd have a statement for the press at 11 AM.

Then they said no, it would be delayed 90 minutes.

Then they said no, it would be delayed another 90 minutes.

Then they finally announced, "We don't know anything."

If they didn't know anything, why delay the press conference twice?
How much more poorly could they have handled that?
Are the Three Stooges running the LAPD?
Adding to the problem - the whole world was watching.

Do you ever watch The Closer with Kyra Sedgwick?
Kyra plays Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson - she's in charge of LA's Robbery/Homicide unit,
the same unit that is investigating the circumstances around Michael Jackson's death.
BTW, good show, I recommend you catch in on Monday nights.

On The Closer is a pair of idiot, bungling, lose-the-evidence lieutenants, Provenza and Flynn.
The kicker?  Yhe show's "consulting producer" is Gil Garcetti - remember that name?

He's the unstable handjob who announce the LA cops "had a mountain of evidence" against OJ,
yet they managed to bungle that case - one of the biggest and most-watched trials in American history.
They had OJ nailed to the wall, until they took a vial of his blood to the crime scene - and then they took
it home with one of the racist detectives - and then it came up short.  For example, they took 400ml of 
blood but there was only 300ml of blood when they turned it in to the Evidence Room next day.

Was Mark Furhman working for O.J.?

That gave Johnny Cochran the opening he needed - the openly racist, purjury-plagued LA cops
were out to get "a brother" because they were too stupid and too lazy to catch the real killer.

With Gil Garcetti giving them tips on how to make the show more real,
I'm betting the Provenza and Flynn characters are based on real people.

Friday's bungling tells me the LA cops haven't changed one bit in all these years.

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 Subject: More than 200 people show up for bring-your-gun-to-church day.


Ken Pagano, the pastor of the New Bethel Church in Louisville, KY, recently invited his congregation 
to bring their unloaded firearms into the house of worship to “celebrate our rights as Americans!” 
Yesterday’s bring-your-gun-to-church day, to which more than 200 people showed up, also featured 
“a $1 raffle of a handgun, firearms safety lessons and a picnic.” Pagano reportedly thought up the event 
“after some church members expressed concern about members of Obama administration’s views on 
gun control, though the president hasn’t moved to put new restrictions on ownership.” Since Obama’s 
election, there has been a boom in gun sales, stoked largely by a multi-million dollar misinformation 
campaign by the National Rifle Association.

 An unloaded gun is just a piece of pipe.
 Why are they celebrating pipes at church?
 Didn't that get Tommy Chong some jail time?

 Thanks to Dan.

  I have the answer, Bart  | Discuss it on The BartCop ForumComment on it at the BartBlog

Still the best advertising bargain on the Net

Banner ads by the day,
by the week,
or by the month

Click to get more Hits

Subject: Does the Vietnam Memorial mean anything?

I would like to propose a memorial for those Americans who have died/will die in the Iraq war.
A ring of statues of the principle warmongers (Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, etc) all facing inwards
with the names of the dead inscribed on their backs. For added effect, maybe all of the statues' hands
could drip water to symbolize blood.
 Phil in St. Louis

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Michael News Crashed the Web


Everyone on the planet knows Michael Jackson and that caused big problems for a lot of huge websites
when the news of his death broke.  Twitter was really sucking wind for much of the hour that people were
trying to get information about him. But Twitter was hardly the only site that was struggling.

TMZ, which broke the story, was down at multiple points throughout the ordeal. As a result, Perez Hilton’s
blog may have failed as people rushed there to try and confirm the news. Then it was the LATimes which had
a report saying Jackson was only in a coma rather than dead, so people rushed there, and that site went down.
(The LATimes eventually confirmed his passing.)

Are we going to see the biggest funeral in modern history tomorrow?
Has America ever had a global star as big as MJ?

I'd suggest a slow ride thru Harlem and then a slow ride down Sunset Blvd.

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Desperate Housewives has higher rating in "Bible Belt" states.
Sexual taboos drive the Rethugs crazy with lust.

Rehugs are Liberals in Drag
 by Joe Conason


Whenever the latest Republican politician is caught with his zipper undone, a predictable moment of introspection on the right 
inevitably ensues. Pundits, bloggers and perplexed citizens ruminate over the lessons they have learned, again and again, about human 
frailty, false piety and the temptations of flesh and power. They express concern for the damaged family and lament the fall of yet 
another promising young hypocrite. They resolve to restore the purity of their movement and always remember to remind us that 
this is all Bill Clinton's fault. What they never do is face up to an increasingly embarrassing fact about themselves and their leaders.

The proof is in the penance, or lack thereof, inflicted on the likes of Mark Sanford, John Ensign and David Vitter, to cite a few 
names from the top of a long, long list. For ideologues who value biblical morality and believe in the efficacy of punishment, modern 
conservatives are as tolerant of their famous sinners as the jaded libertines of the left. Even after confessing to the most flagrant and 
colorful fornication, the worst that a conservative must anticipate is a stern scolding, followed by warm assurances of God's forgiveness 
and a swift return to business as usual.

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"When I look back on the Bush years, I think of the lies. There were so many. Lies about the war 
and lies to cover up the lies about the war. Lies about torture and surveillance. Lies about Valerie Plame. 
Cheney's lies, criminally prosecutable but for his chief of staff Scooter Libby's lies. I also think about the 
extraordinary and fundamentally cancerous expansion of executive power that led to violations of our laws 
and our principles. And while this wasn't as readily apparent until President Obama took office, it's now very 
clear that the Bush years were all about kicking the can down the road – either ignoring problems or, even worse, 
creating them and not solving them. This was true of a huge range of issues including the economy, energy, 
health care, global warming – and of course Iraq and Afghanistan."
     -- Dan froomkin, fired from the WaHoPo for not being Nazi enough,    Link

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Subject: BCR Show 154

Stairway to Heaven again?
You know there are other songs.

Yes, there are other songs.
But I like Page playing that song live, and I was f-ing celebrating.

Each time a doctor tells me I'm falling less quickly than expected, I'm gonna play a live Stairway.
(Not that I have a Heaven fetish - I'm all guitar and music - I couldn't care less about the lyrics.)

And next time a doctor tells me I'm falling less quickly than expected that, I'm gonna play the whole song
(different night) and if I get lucky again, I'm gonna close with two songs from their "Listen to This, Eddie,"
1977 masterpiece - perhaps named as a taunt to then-hot newbie Eddie Van Halen.

Hey, when you're the short stack, you tend to get a little greedy.
I hope you get reeeeeal tired of hearing Stairway to Heaven at the end of some BCR!

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you'll get a Twitter message when
that day's page is fresh and hot.

Subject: Michael Jackson

Sad day. Farrah was beautiful and many of us tried in vain to feather our hair like hers.
Just look at any 70's high school year book. MJ was the music of my teen and college years.
My roommie and I used to watch MTV (back when they played music videos) in our p.j.s
and tried to learn the dance to Thriller. We skipped classes to watch the premier of Thriller.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I too thought he was innocent.
Michael is dead, and yet O.J. lives.
There is no justice.

I remember the Thriller premier, too.  During the middle of it, I remember thinking 
how the biggest music star in the world was getting bigger with each passing minute.

Same for the night Madonna rolled around that MTV stage in her bridal gown.


Subject: Michael Jackson


I was very happy to read your thoughts of MJ’s innocence, especially since I respect your opinions.
I’ve felt the same way all along.   But I think he died happier than you think … he had a new show,
sold out crowds and a chance to reclaim his throne in the world.

I'm very sad we’ll never see what he would have done in that.
 Debbie from Milwaukee

I'm concerned that not all of my fellow Democrats get the "innocent until proven guilty" thing.

I caught hell for saying they should have proof that Scott Peterson was guilty, too.
All we saw was Nancy Grace, trying to build her career - and she succeeded.

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"I had started my investigation convinced that Jackson was guilty. By the end, I no longer believed that. 
  I could not find a single shred of evidence suggesting that Jackson had molested a child. But I found 
  significant evidence demonstrating that most, if not all, of his accusers lacked credibility and were 
  motivated primarily by money." 
     -- Ian Halperin, a freelance journalist who investigated MJ,     Link

 We'll never know for sure unless someone comes forth with some evidence.
 The lack of evidence should trouble those of us who believe in the law.

 If some kid 's parents came forward with MJ's semen on their kid's underwear,
 then that evidence should've been used against him in a court of law.

 But any accusation about "that weirdo" was pure gold to the shit our press has become.
 If the press "mistakenly" over-covers an MJ accusation and their ratings shoot thru the roof,
 that means they're going to over-cover the next no-proof allegations and the next one and the next.

 Maybe you have a different opinion - fine.
 But we shouldn't put people in cages because people have different opinions.

 It's called "evidence" and we should remember that. 

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Put your link on our Links Page

All we ask is you put ours on yours.

Church of "Gay Exorcisms"

 Link to Video

"You have the alcohol spirit. You have the crack cocaine spirit. You have the adulterous spirit. Everything carries a spirit. 
 Manifested Glories Ministries is not against homosexuality. We do not hate them. We do not come up against them. 
 We just do not believe in their lifestyle." 
   --Pastor Patricia McKinney of Connecticut's Manifested Handjob Ministries

Remember The Exorcist?

If a person was possessed by a demon of some kind, 
how do you go about getting an exorcism? 

Well, the first thing I'd do is put them into a time machine and send them 
back to the sixteenth century.  It just doesn't happen anymore, Mrs. MacNeil. 

(Not true, but they didn't know at the time)

Oh yeah, since when? 

Since we learned about mental illness, paranoia, schizophrenia. 
All the things they taught me in Harvard. 

...and that was a Catholic talking - 36 years ago.

In some ways we haven't advanced at all.

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Check the Bart Store


"We don't need 'Nostrilitis' Waxman or Bernie Madoff or Barack Obama 'saving' us 
  from running out of oil.  The market will take care of it."
   -- the vulgar Pigboy - and this time he's right

 Of course, a tank of gas will be $1200 but there will be plenty of gas.

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Help Bartcop.com survive!

We have broken the $4,000 level!
Thanks to all who have been so generous.

I know what you're thinking...
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maybe I should send Ol' Bart a 'love' check."

I think we started this the last day of February.
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BET Awards - Tribute to Michael Jackson The O'Jays

They told us the surprise superstars would amaze us.
They said the whole show had been "re-tooled" to pay tribute to Michael.

By the way, did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas July 3-4?

They said Usher and Justin Timberlake were flying in and the surprise superstars
forced the producers to extend the show another 30 minutes.

Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas July 3-4?

The opening was scary because host Jamie Foxx announced that he'd been drinking,
and his profanity-laced monolog made me think he was telling the truth.

Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas July 3-4?

I saw Kanye in the crowd - I guess he wasn't influenced by MJ?
He was scheduled to perform, but there was not a whisper about why he didn't.

From the NY Whore Daily News:
The BET Awards were transformed into an all-star tribute to the life of Michael Jackson
on Sunday night as a star-studded lineup tried to channel the lost pop icon's spirit.

Really?  That's not what was shown on my TV.
I saw the shows as planned, with a weak, opening tribute by strangers posing as Jacksons.

Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas July 3-4?

They did have one surprise superstar guest - a shell-shocked Janet.

She spoke about 60 seconds and got off before she melted.

Did you know Jamie Foxx starts his tour in Vegas July 3-4?

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"Michael Jackson’s death was untimely because
  he had just one more round of plastic surgery to go!”
     -- "funnyman" Steve Martin,     Link

 I'm so old, I remember when Steve Martin was funny.
 Christ, am I that old?

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Conrad Farms - Bixby Corn

 Next to Tommy's Mexican Restaurant in San Fransisco...

It might be my second favorite place on Earth.

Woke up this morning - got myself some corn.

Since it's early, they only had three kinds, so I grabbed four ears each (I'll go back tomorrow for more)
I got some Sugar Pearl (white as the GOP) some Sweet Temptation (90% white, 10% yellow) and Bodacious (yellow). 
I wanted to see which of the three was best so I could get more of it tomorrow.

I'm sitting here at my computer with three 6-ounce cups of corn - all different colors - oozing with luxury butter.
BTW, this is how you drink fine tequila, too - three samples at a time.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, boy, you can taste that 110 degree Oklahoma sun in every bite.
And with the help of two more weeks of blistering Okie sun, it'll just get better and better.

Damn, I forgot to tell you to buy Land-o-Lakes butter stock. 

Wouldn't hurt to buy some Morton's, too.

Damn, that's good corn.
Last night we had Train Station Chicken and corn - tonight it's corn and something else.

Now I remember - this is why we live in this Koresh-foresaken hellhole.
Well, that and the tequila here is cheaper than any place in America.

I have a tummy ache.

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Subject: Donation

Bart, I  *was* gonna send some dough, but THEN...
well, you still didn't offend me. so like...

I finally had to pony up?
 Lee in San Francisco

Lee, wish I was in your town for the next 60 days :)

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Carmen Electra's Strip Poker


 See dozens more  Carmen Electra  pictures  at BC Hotties

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BCR Show #154HOT

Click to Listen to Show 154

Right Click to download  Show 154
(Hit 'Save Target As')

BCR Show #153HOT

Click to Listen to Show 153

Right Click to download  Show 153
(Hit 'Save Target As')

This show is missing a whole bunch of parts.
My old computer no longer recognizes flash drives or CD drives.
The good news is all those missing parts are ready to go in Show 154

Click to Listen to Show 153 Bonus

Right Click to download  Show 153 Bonus

What is the bonus?
It's a tag-team ambush by Howard Stern and Robin.
One of their employees got a word wrong - traction -
and they jumped on him and tortured him for twelve minutes
I don't know of any other comic or comic team that could've pulled this off.
It was live, it was spontaneous and it was amazing.
If you know someone who says Stern has no talent - play this for them.
It's the hardest I've laughed this year - I hope you like it.

...    thanks to yb for the super-hot photo

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