to do in Las Vegas
Someone asked, "What's there to do in
I have some suggestions, but first - a word from...
... I live here and I post on this board
and I wrote a few "Beyond The Lights" columns
for "The Vegas Report" linked on BC's page
1. Desert Demonstration Gardens.Free!!
Off the Strip (you'd have to take a cab unless you rented
a car; then email me for directions). It's
a wonderful little Vegas-version of a "botanical gardens".
The theme, of course, is the desert and
the plant life that is native to the high desert. There are
also free workshops conducted virtually
every day that might be of interest. Their web site is
You can access a calendar of events there, as well
as a ton of information on the Gardens
and the LV Valley Water District (which runs the Gardens).
2. Red Rock Canyon.
Silly thing is that even though I've now lived here for two and a half
I've never been there. Dunce. However,
everyone that HAS been there has said how beautiful it is.
Again, it's free and it's nature at some
of her finest. Check out the web site at
3. The Grand Canyon.
If you have money and a sense of adventure, you can take a scenic plane
or helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon.
Go to the LV Convention and Visitors Authority web site at
and click the "Activities" icon.
I have a few of my own, and we'll keep this list running for a
Mirage is one of the most fabulous hotel/casinoes*
Just walking thru the place is a trip.
Then at night, The
Mirage Volcano erupts every 15 minutes.
If you've got a buzz going (this is Vegas) it'll be impressive
as hell. Plus, this is where
Siegfried and Roy keep their white tigers - and it's free to
see them when they're off-duty.
5. The Stratosphere
Tower is the only skyscraper in Las Vegas. It's 100 stories tall,
but take the elevator and save your knees. At the top you get
an out-of-this-world view - plus...
They have a real, live roller coaster on the 100th floor!!!
You haven't been roller-coasting until you've done it a quarter
mile in the clouds.
York, New York The greatest city in Las Vegas!
Like it's namesake, NY, NY has everything. They put a
To get chips, you go to the Wall Street bankers. Surrounding
the building, they have
NY-style water boats and tugs spraying water. They have their
own Brooklyn Bridge!
You'll find another roller coaster here, the own Gil Grissom
rides to de-stress on C.S.I.
Their Soho Village is jammed with places to shop. The
Times Square Bar is worth a look.
While you gals watch Michael Flatly's Riverdance show,
the guys can check out the hogs
at the Las Vegas Harley Davidson outlet, or catch the
Rudner show live.
When you're eating in The Village, you'll think you're
in New York because that
roller coaster Grisson rides flies over your head, reminding
you of a subway swooshing by.
And just to make you feel at home, they have obscenities spray
painted on the walls.
When the downtown properties saw The Strip
stealing all the thunder, they banded together
and invested $75M into a blocks-long, street-wide overhead
see it live, click on the picture above,
click on it again when the page comes up.
It's probably a lot better on the brown acid.
Trek The Experience, Las Vegas Hilton
You have to be in decent health to ride.
The cast are in Star Trek makeup and they
stay in character as they strap you in, then
your "Enterprise" chases the Klingon ship
in a wild ride over Las Vegas at night. Grandma
and preggers folk should pass.
Pre-ride Humboldt break recommended - for
9. Area 51
What the hell did I just see?
I'm no expert, but I don't know of anywhere
else on the planet
you can go and watch things move in the sky
that can't possibly be real.
I'm not saying they're aliens, I'm saying
they have aircraft that can zoom across the sky
and then turn on a f-ing dime. Besides that,
it's very creepy out there, in the dark, knowing
your government is watching and listening
and tracking you with Star Trek-looking heat sensors.
If there's nothing at Area 51, why is it the
most secure site in the world?
10. Mandalay Bay The
Sharks! The Sharks!
I haven't seen this myself, because there were thousands
of people in line the last time we were there.
They have a glass tunnel you walk thru while the sharks
swim all around you! Mandalay Bay has been
a major player in Las Vegas, hosting big-time boxing matches
and big-time rock concerts.
The Mandalay Bay complex could be the largest of all the
properties, I'm not sure, but wear your most
comfortable shoes in Vegas because it's so hueueueueuge.
Plus, if you've got GOP money, the Four Seasons
at the top has rooms for as little as $700 a night.
11. The lakes and the
boating Ain't nothing like it!
I've boated everywhere, and you can't beat the Las Vegas
Instead of muddy lakes, you have water that's clearer than Lake
We'll be there in the "off-season." Last time they let
us have a Cadillac ski boat
with a big-ass Johnson for $90 a half day! Few things are as
fun as burning a spliff
while sipping Chinaco Anejo on one of the most
beautiful lakes in the world.
My favorite is Lake Havusu, just south of the damn. It's
located in a canyon!
The water is so cobalt blue,
and those red rocks shoot up into the sky.
Las Vegas is the Entertainment Capitol of the World - no doubt!
12. The Bellagio
One of the nicest hotels in the world.
in the lobby of The Bellagio and were slammed by the aroma
flowers. You can't fake that.
lobby is chock-full of fresh flowers, and it hits you like a wave.
BartCop grabbed my arm and made me stop.
looked up at the ceiling with it's 5,000 just-cut fresh flowers
took a deep breath. "This doesn't smell like Oklahoma," she said.
Plus, Click Here to see a short video of the
The Bellagio is so classy, on the walls of their restaurants,
they have paintings by Van Gogh, Picasso and Monet.
13. Hear the
never-heard Juliefest Soundtrack The best music ever!
There's a whole lotta Garbage, but also the best
tracks from The Clash,
King's X, Van Halen, The Beatles, Hendrix, Stevie Wonder, Frank
Stevie Ray Vaughn, Shania Twain, Led Zeppelin, Queen and more!
14. The Venetian
I think it was Conde Nast magazine
that called The Venetian "the best hotel in the world."
It's my opinion that when you walk thru
the main doors for the first time, you will either use
the Lord's name in vain or you'll exclaim
a vulgarism that describes the marriage act.
Not only does this place have a lake
with Venice canals - the lake is on the second floor!
Also home to the former future place
I'd most like to die. Tanquero Canonita
They have $50
tequila shots, but no Chinaco Anejo, so they lost their #1
You have to visit this place. ...and
15. Food & Drink
Sure, New York might have more
kinds of food than Las Vegas, but everything in Vegas
is located within a few miles
and they have everything. If you time it right, you might have
your meal prepared by Wolfgang
16. Paris in Vegas!
This place is
so French, the black porters from Texas say "Bon Jorno," or whatever.
For $5-6, you can go up inside the Eiffel
Plus, think of the snooty snails you
can buy here!
And don't forget, all these casinoes*
let you gamble!
17. The Strip at Night
Strip at Night is unlike anything in the world. Las Vegas is a non-stop
city and just watching
the traffic at
night is fun. Thousands of people constantly moving in every direction
buzz. Driving down the Strip at night is also something you need to experience.
The crazy pirate
fight at Treasure Island, the black Luxor pyramid shooting the largest
beam of light
in the world,
the volcanoe* at The Mirage and the sheer majestry of these hueueueuge
as they beg you
to come to their casinoe*, not the other one,
19. Get married by an Elvis Impersonator!
You know it's going to last if Elvis says so.
20. The Liberace
Museum Hey, go ahead and laugh - I did.
A good friend sent me this link saying the crowds
are so hueueueuge that
they recently doubled the gate price to keep up
with the ever-growing demand.
Odds are you won't catch me there, and this is more of
an exercise in free speech
than an outright recommendation. But some people really
dig the Liberace Museum.
21. Caesars Palace
Whoa! This place isn't "like" Caesars
Palace - it's the real thing.
One of the most famous traditions in all of Las Vegas.
Some of the greatest fights were held right here,
the famous Evil Kneivel crash over the fountains, The
Caesars Forum Shops are off the scale .
I think their animitron show has lost a lot, with the
Bush Puppet being so much more life-like.
22. Death Valley
If you find beauty in the desert, this is Fort Knox.
It's so beautiful, the Osmonds moved here.
If you're from back east,
you gotta check out what your country looks like.
Utah scenery is spectacular.
If you're in Las Vegas for as few days, see Utah.
Smoking a fattie at Canyonlands
National Park is fantastic. See why Bill Clinton
set aside parts of Utah to
be left pristine - before President Swipe drills here!
There's a lot more to Arizona than the Grand Canyon.
Pick up any Arizona Highways magazine
and see what's there.
25. The company.
My good friend Jim Higdon told me he
HAD to be there, if for no other reason
than he wanted to meet and speak to other
politically like-minded people.
The conversations you'll have at BartFest
some that you'll never forget.
The friendships you'll make will last a lifetime.
Meet and speak with people you've
been e-mailing and chatting with for years.
Meet the writers you've been reading on
Bartcop, Buzzflash and MWO. Hell, find
a way to write this off on your taxes!
Make Uncle Sam pay for the funnest weekend
you've had in ten years!
Hell, just deduct it and when you get caught,
say, "What? That's not legal?"
is a must - for the good of America's future.
26. Hard Rock Las Vegas Hotel
& Casino At the pool, they have swim up blackjack,
better with IE, takes a moment to get going, and please use caution,
because sometimes the girls take their tops off, and the camera
has a zoom feature.
Plus, you have a better chance of seeing rock stars/movie stars
at the Hard Rock.
Restaurant They claim 250 different tequilas, which would
Chinaco Anejo and 249 lesser, inferior brands.
The bad news? ...the food might blow.
Coyote Cafe at the MGM When you put "Las Vegas" +tequila
in aYahoo search engine,
you get Coyote Cafe. Remember, we have a good
friend who owns the place. His letter is in the
back issues, and I will buy a shot of tequila for you,
in Las vegas, if you're the first person to
tell me which issue that letter is in. (We'll need his name
to get special deals!)
Canyon hummer tours! (Only in Las Vegas)
If my driver is a knockout,
I want to try one of those.
Ten Area Tours
Grand Canyon Plane & Land
Grand Canyon Bus (bus flies at
Grand Canyon Helicopter
Hoover Dam Deluxe
Grand Canyon SUV
Grand Canyon Combo
Grand Canyon Hummer (must be
Deluxe City Tour Red Rock
Hoover Dam "Personal" (must
over Vegas at night for $69
tour of Las Vegas
What a deal!
six people ride this limo up & down Las Vegas Blvd for two hours.
Make them stop!
And that's not all - shades of Sam Kinison,
it includes a full bar!
That's only $13.50
an hour for six people to enjoy fine cocktails
while getting a smooth, luxurious tour of
the most exciting city in the world!!
How do they stay in business?
33. The South's Finest Chocolate
has agreed to send the best chocolate in the world.
Hell, that's worth a thousand dollars right there.
34. The Pre-Party
This is a
possibility more than an outright offer, but maybe we
connie, ...connass, ..coonosu, ...maybe the tequila lovers
could band together the night before
the actual Fest at the Pink Taco and sample the extra
fine luxury tequilas Mary has.
Y'know, I wonder if we could rent an expert? Maybe Pink
Taco Mgr. Mary knows a local
tequila lover who could provide some expert guidance thru
the tricky agave jungle - I'll ask her.
(I should list Mary as an attraction, but that would anger
the feminists, so I won't)
liquor from the cute cocktail waitresses
Actually, you can lose $50 gambling while waiting for
your free drink, so it's not really
the deal of the century, but when you're busy gambling, it's
always fun to have the scanty
clads ask if you'd like another shot of The Miracle at Canaan,
but have you ever heard
the story of why liquor is free in Las Vegas?
Years ago, the casinos were trying to out-do each other to attract
One casino went to dollar drinks, so the other casino went to
75 cent drinks,
so the first casino went to 50 cents drinks, so the other casino
said "F-it" and
went to free drinks for anybody gambling and here we are.
36. You meet the friendliest people in Nevada
Traditionally, the Army Rangers who guard Area 51 drive
This SUV looks like a big-ass silver Bronco, but you can bet
if you meet an Army Ranger,
he'll be very gentle and polite as he puts pressure on your
neck with his boot. You see, when
you get to the spot on the dirt road where it's time to stop,
you'll see a sign that says,
"We may shoot you without warning if
you cross this line."
Sometimes people get froggy and cross that line and when that
happens, far as I know,
they don't really shoot you, but these Rangers take you into
custody and they cuff you and
hog-tie you and "F" with you until you wet your pants. If you
give them any trouble, they kick
you around and put their boot on your head/neck until you become
compliant. So when you go
if you choose to go to Area 51, do NOT get froggy and step over
because if you do, these men will send you home with an arrest
record and a story of how badly
you were abused so the next guy doesn't try anything.
By the way, there's nothing at Area 51,
that's why it's the most heavily guarded chunk of desert in
37. Indoor Sky Diving
As a first time flyer, participants attend a 15-minute safety
Body control techniques and safety procedures are discussed.
Your flight suit
and all protective equipment is included with your flight ticket.
Participants fly in
a column of air 12 feet across and 21 feet high moving at airspeeds
up to 120 MPH.
38. The Pinball Museum
I'll bet they have every pinball machine you can remember - maybe 80
of them - and they all work!
They also have Asteroids, Defender, Galaga, Missle Command, Ms Pac
You've read what people said about our first gathering.
We intend to top that in Sin City come September.
39. Rent a Harley - Cruise
the Strip in style From Dave's 100 things to do in Vegas
40. The History Channel Special was good, ...but
it's not 1996 anymore.
Here's their top ten, and it's not
all that bad.
1. The Strip
2. Haute cuisine
3. Low-roller gambling
4. Elvis-a-Rama Museum
5. Downtown Las Vegas
6. Cirque du Soleil's "O"
7. Guggenheim Las Vegas and Guggenheim Hermitage Museum
8. Neon lights
9. Showgirls return
10. Hoover Dam
History Channel's Vegas Top Ten Details
41. You can rent things in Las Vegas
No, I'm not talking about the best looking call girls in the
Years ago, when I had that easy ADM money coming in, we almost
rented a S-Type Jaguar for a day.
Oh, sure, the prices are outrageous - I think it was $250
a day, but money was easy back then,
and we should've done it just to have the photograph to look
back on it today. I can't even imagine
the good mood Mrs. Bart might be in after tooling around The
Strip in a new Jaguar.
I see where you can rent a new Harley-Davidson motorcycle for
as little as $75
I'm not much on a cycle, myself, but if I liked riding a big
bike, and knew I could ride a Sportster
up and down Las Vegas Blvd at night, and then ride out to Lake
Mead the next morning, then maybe
the 20 miles up to Valley of Fire State Park, that would
be a damn fun 24 hours, y'know?
See this Boxster?
You can drive it at speeds up to 145
MPH around the Las
Vegas Motor Speedway.
Of course, spending money to enjoy yourself is totally wrong -
I'm sure the Catholics have a rule
against "having fun for no reason," but it's just another thing
to do in Vegas, like indoor sky-diving..
42. Gaming at the casino
Even if you plan to do little or no gambling, (smack!)
Ow! ...damn, that hurt,
OK, OK, Even if you plan to do little or no gaming, trust
me and sign up for your home casinoes*
little card program. They give you a little megnetic card, like a credit
card, on a string and the point is
if you gamble with a slot machine, they keep a record of what you spent.
If you lose, you'll probably get some discount offer in the mail to
return. On the other hand, Tally
often gets free hotel comps and she generally wins when she plays, so they
pay for winners, too.
I think she said she got one or two nights at The Venetian -
damn, that's a nice place.
Even if you plan not to, you'll probably drop a few quarters into
a slot to say you did, but if you win
a thousand dollars, or a lot of thousands, you'll want that hit
recorded on that little card.
So do that card thing - each casinoe* calls it something different.
Keep in mind: Don't think you're going to come home a winner,
BUT... people DO win real money in Las Vegas. They have
these slot machines strung together,
state-wide, and it's possible to drop 75 cents into a slot and
win a car, or $2,500,000 or whatever.
Hey - in Vegas when they say $2,500,000, that's real
money. It's not Momopoly money or McDonalds
"Daddy warbucks" money, this is real damn money, and they don't
kid around with money in Vegas.
43. The Wildlife and no, I'm
not talking about the call girls.
On one recent trip, we drove south about fifty miles from Las
Vegas to go boating on Lake Havasu,
and this guy was standing on the side of the highway.
We don't have them in Oklahoma, at least not in Tulsa.
44. The Weather
It's no coincidence that the Party of the Year is being held
in Las Vegas in late September.
Expect the weather to be perfect for walking The Strip, staggering
boating on the cobalt-blue lakes, seeing flying saucers at Area
It'll be so fine, The Rio
asked if we'd like to hold our gig outside, by the pool.
BTW, I've seen a Rio floor plan map online, but can't find it.
If you see one, could you send it in?
classes on how to strip ...as seen on Dave's Vegas page!
They charge $300, I'll bet Marc Perkel will teach you for half
46. Viva Elvis
It's been 25 years since the King left the building - but he's
Service- we can't forget Vegas room service
All of the high-end properties have room service that is unbelievable.
Oh, don't get me wrong, you'll pay a lot for it, but oh, what
they bring you!
A couple of years back, we stayed at The Mirage. (Sidebar:
We rented Rounders,
a poker movie with Matt Damon, Ed Norton and John Malkovich.
Towards the end
of the movie they went to Vegas to play the World Series of
poker - at The Mirage.)
While we watched the movie, we ordered a hamburger and a club
sandwich. I think the bill,
with tip, was $30, but you won't believe what they wheel into
your room for two sandwiches.
I've never seen a rolling table this big on TV or in a movie
when they show someone getting
room service. I was so damn impressed, I took pictures of it,
but now I can't find them.
Mrs. Bart likes Vegas for three reasons - she loves
riding in the desert,
she likes it when I'm in a good mood (a hundred tequila bars
has that effect) and
she loves to be pampered, and that's what these big properties
They treat you like you're the King of Surinam, if that's a
The expensive cars I might be alone
on this, but I think it's great fun
to stand on a corner of Las Vegas Blvd and watch the cars go
by. If you do that, you'll
see Maseratis, Lamborghinis, Rolls Royces, Bentleys, Aston Martins
(I don't know how
to spell any of these cars) Also, each property has a fleet
of limos that I've never ridden in.
I guess you have to play more than the quarter slots to get
a ride in those.
The Wynn, The Palazzo, Aria, "M" and Encore
Too expensive to stay there but walking around if free.hink
I'm going to play at least a few hands of poker at Aria
I think I'm in love with a building for the very
Talk to me!
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