I don't print a lot of "jokes" because frankly, so few are funny.
 Usually, I can see them coming from a mile away, but this one snuck up on me.
 

 Stevie Wonder & Tiger Woods

 Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.
 Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career going?"

 Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?"

 Woods replies:  "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing,
 but I think I've got that right now."

 Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong,
 I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.
 Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.

 Tiger Woods says: "Wow! You play golf?"

 Stevie Wonder says: "Sure, I've been playing for years."

 Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf blind?"

 Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway
 and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball
 towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves
 to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball
 towards his voice."

 "But, how do you putt?", asks Woods.

 "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole
 and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball
 towards his voice."

 Woods asks: "What's your handicap?"

 Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

 Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime."

 Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play
 for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

 Woods thinks about it and says, "I'm OK with that, when would you like to play?"

 Stevie says, "Pick a night!"

 Smirkwatch

 For days and days, the newspapers have been full of pictures
 of Smirk with Gov. Tom Ridge (PA) and Gov. Christy Whitman. (NJ)
 The talk is, which of them he will pick as a running mate.

 Doesn't he know both are baby killers?

 What's wrong with Smirk?
 Pat Buchanan will get more votes than Smirk
 if Smirk picks a baby-killing running mate.

 Besides, Ridge is Catholic and Whitman was born with a uterus.
 Did Smirk forget which party he's in?

 Slapwatch

 From: JennyQ1@aol.com

 Subject: Slappy calls Supreme Court coverage "frivolous"

 TAMPA, Fla. - Clarence "Slappy" Thomas Tuesday called some news
 media coverage of the court "frivolous" because it focused on keeping
 score of how the justices voted.

 Slappy, in a speech to the Tampa chapter of the Federal Bar Association,
 said such reports tried to characterize the justices by the way they voted,
 how many decisions they wrote and what kind of questions they asked
 during oral arguments.

 uhhhh..................What other criteria might that genius SLAPPY suggest
 the media use to characterize justices?

 ha ha

 Mail Bag

 From: WatsMata4U@aol.com

 Subject: Rush vs Gore

 Today that slob said if Gore wants the credit for the economy,
 he has to take the credit for the crash (that didn't happen).
 I assume this means E.I.B. Central is now crediting Gore with the economy
 because Rush is blaming him for the collapse (that didn't happen).
 No wonder Rush didn't go into the financial advice field.

 ha ha
 It was double-fun here in K-Drag, because we're on a two-hour delay.
When Rush was screaming "Clinton is responsibile for all this,"
 the news came on saying the Dow was almost even.

 While we're at it, why doesn't Pigboy yell at Reagan for
 appointing that judge who ruled against Microsoft?

 He keeps attacking Clinton for Reagan's judge's ruling.

 If you have a lot of time, because the site is huge, check
 http://www.concentric.net/~Tycho4/Main.htm

 He likes Republicans as much we do.

 Tons of stuff - tons.

Celebrity Mail

 From:  alsmudge@smudgereport.com

 (My good friend Al Smudge has a great website.
 www.smudgereport.com  is Top Ten on the whole www)

 Subject: Rush Boycott

 I see on your list, the U.S. Army advertises on Rush's show.
 Now, how many recruitment age kids do you think listen to talk radio?

 Shouldn't they be spending all their money on hip hop stations?
 Stations that 17 and 18 year old kids actually listen to,
 instead of the the stations that the 60 year-old Army brass listens to?

 Doesn't it gall you to think that our money, Army advertising money,
 is going to Rush?  There should be an investigation into this.
 Maybe a $52 million dollar investigation as to why the Army is wasting
 our money advertising to the old, senile geezers who listen to Rush.

 ha ha

 Good one, Al.
 Check back soon.

 Whatever we end up doing to the Rush advertisers,
  we have to think of something really special for these guys.

 Gag me with a swastika

 From the mind of  Brainsmasher

 Click Here

www.gore2000.com

The Consumer Product Safety Commission says the Hasbro toy company
has agreed to pay a $400,000 fine because it delayed reporting that their
Playskool Fold N' Travel baby carrier might dump the baby on the ground.

"If I had known what happened to the other kids, I wouldn't have bought it,"
 said Kristine Kwiecimski, whose 5-week-old son was dumped out of a
 Playskool carrier four years after Hasbro began collecting reports
 of skull fractures.

They knew that the faulty latch could injure or kill kids.
Did they make even the slightest effort to warn parents or fix the problem?
Nooooooooooooo, profits must come first!

Hmmmm...

Hasbro  is the company that distributes the Dr Laura board game.

It's whore city!

She's in bed with the WWF Smackdown people at Paramount,
and now she's getting money from a company who hid the fact
that seven tiny skulls were fractured due to their illegal silence?

Two-bit, cheap-ass whore...

Pull your pants up, Laura.
At least put your pubic hair away...

Has anyone gotten a copy of American Politics Journal's premier issue?

Has anyone seen it at a bookstore or drugstore?

The list of Rush advertisers is getting bigger.

If you hear one that's not on the list, send it in.

Click Here

ha ha

The words were too big?

ha ha

Click Here

Headline News

From: Nmmeeks@aol.com
 

Gore Questions INS Ruling on Cuban Boy, Suggests Courts Decide

This headline appeared in the Miami Herald onJan. 7, 2000.

Rusty Limbhole was lying when he said Gore flip flopped on this issue.
What a prick.

John
 

The nasty Pigboy lied?
I'm shocked...

Mail Bag

From: Bells65@wwnet.net

Subject:  Rush's Slender Figure

BartCop,
I saw Rush on TV.
He was very slim.

He doesn't look like Hermann Goerring anymore.
Now he looks like Joseph Goebbels.

M Colwell

Eleanor Mondale

After watching her work that cigar,
Catholic men will need to go to confession.

Stupid-Ass Quotes

"Bill Clinton can negatively affect the American economy,
 but he can't affect it positively."
  -- The Nasty Pigboy, 4/3/00
 

 But Rush!
 If presidents can't affect the economy in a positive way,
 how can you give credit to Reagan for anything?

 Funny, with Reagan we got wars, debt, recession and depression.
 With Clinton, we have peace and tremendous, unheard-of prosperity.

 Is it all a coincidence, Rush?

 Oh, well...  Rush is always right,
 and his honesty comes from God.

Scalia Threatens To Quit When Gore Wins
by Robert Novak

When Al Gore defeats the snotty Smirk, Tony Scalia may
 retire at age 64 after 14 years on the high court.

Scalia, the Supreme Court's conservative anchor, was dissatisfied with
his colleagues even before President Clinton named two liberals to the
nine-judge court.   He grumbled privately that only Justice Clarence
Thomas joined him in interpreting the Constitution as it was written
instead of as it is imagined.

Oh, blow me!

Slappy wouldn't know juris prudence if it bit him on his johnson.
And if Tony doesn't like his job he should fucking quit!

Hey Tony - nobody likes you!
Your clerks think you're a weenie!
Your fellow judges think you're a stuck-up prick!
I guess this proves it, too.

You're too goddamn stupid to be on the Supreme Court.
When you leave, who will Slappy cheat off of?

 Tax Fax

 WASHINGTON (AP) -- Presidential wannabe Smirk donated $334,000 to
 charity in 1998, the year he sold the Texas Rangers baseball team.

 Al Gore and his wife gave away a little more than $15,000 in 1998, but
 it was a larger share of their taxable income.

 The Gores' contributions amounted to almost 7 percent of their 1998 taxable
 income of about $224,000, while the Bushes' donations represented just under
 2 percent of their taxable income of $18.4 million.

 Bush got more than $14 million when he sold his interest in the Rangers.

Got nothing better to do?

You could   Click Here

The Power of Money

I'm starting the Rush Advertiser's List.
Any help would be appreciated.

One other thing - if a national company advertises locally, that counts.
Lexus of Knuckledrag has commercials on Pigboy's show, that counts.

Click Here

Fun with Angry Sheep

Click Here
 

Pigboy Logic

"Since the President of Netscape is a multi-millionaire,
I fail to see how Microsoft could have hurt that company."
 

Pigboy, your stroke has really impaired your thinking.
That's the logic you say liberals use when it comes to taxes.

You claim we say, "Why shouldn't Bill Gates pay more taxes,
if he's the richest person in the world?"

Now you, in your borderline-porcine way, have decided that if
Netscape's owner is a multi-millionaire, he should allow people
to screw him out of his money because he's rich?

So, if the woman-hating Pigboy has a hundred million dollars in the bank,
and I steal 95 million, that would leave Rush a multi-millionaire,
which, by Rush's definition, proves he wasn't hurt by the theft.
 

Pigboy - listen to Marta!
Take your stroke medicine!!

Hmmmmmm....
Mail is almost non-existent today, and hits are down by about 1,000.

Maybe there are more Fender fans than I thought...

Bush: Secret Service Cramps My Style
 By THOMAS M. DeFRANK
 Daily News Washington Bureau Chief

WASHINGTON ÷ Those humorless dudes with the buzz cuts, cool shades and
wires sticking out of their ears used to be status symbols for presidential wanna-bes.
Not this time.

When Secret Service agents started protecting Smirk at midnight March 14,
some of the GOP candidate's top staffers bemoaned the takeover.
"We can't be as spontaneous anymore," said one aide.

Until the federal takeover, Bush was protected by Texas Rangers and
plainclothes officers from the Texas Department of Public Safety.
The Secret Service was primed to take over Bush's detail on Feb. 19,
the day of the Carolina primary, but the Bush camp pushed back
the timetable a month. Even now, Bush has told friends he would have
preferred to keep his homegrown bodyguards.

"He really likes his detail and is totally comfortable with them," a Smirk aide
said of the public safety guards. "He was very reluctant to give them up."

Smirk - don't forget:
Your Secret Service guards will someday testify against you.
Thanks to your friends in the get-Clinton Congress.

Quotes

"At the end of the '96 election, we saw ... Clinton and Gore in the end zone.
They won the game, but ... they had chalk all over their shoes because
 they danced right along the sidelines, right into the end zone.

  --Former Justice Dept Investigator Charles LaBella
 

So this LaBella guy thinks MAYBE some investigations could've been
pushed a little further, but his bosses disagreed, so that's Tim the Whore's
cue to start screaming "Coverup!" in a try for better ratings.
 

You've seen Law & Order, right?

How many times have you seen Schiff, McCoy and the fabulous babe,
(there's been three) argue about who looks guilty and who doesn't?

How often does one of them quit, then call press conference to say
the others must be "criminals on-the-take" because they disagreed on
which charges to pursue against which individuals?
They rarely, if ever, do.

In Oklahoma, this kind of tactic is known as a load of horseshit.

Statistically, there were prosecutors who thought that Reno was going
way too tough on the Clinton administration, but, of course, they wouldn't
provide Tim the Whore with any red meat to feed the ditto-monkeys.

This unfortunate trend of always assuming the worst and kicking around every
possible self-serving illegal motive for higher ratings will continue, and that's
one reason why I'd love to see Smirk win.

I am so damn tired of playing defense for 8 years.
I'd sure like to play a little offense for a while.
It's my opinion the Finders of the Secret Sauce will continue to write books
on Clinton's Cock even after he's dead, but a few of them might want to
write some books on Smirk, if he wins, which he won't.

I can't wait to hear the right-wingers say how awful it is for people to be
violating Smirk's privacy, even tho they were openly masturbating when
Hardon Kenny went through Hillary's underwear drawer.

The Gods of Payback are very hungry...

My Kind of Town

Chicago has started a boycott against WLS AM advertisers.
WLS fired Mike Malloy, a talk radio guy who was getting good rating,

but ...he was a liberal.

Gasp!

http://login.internettrash.com/users/boycott_wls/index.htm
 

Which reminds me...

I will attempt to make a list of the nasty Pigboy's advertisers.
To me, it makes no difference if the ads is national or loco,
but there's no sense in trying to boycott "Bob's Used Cars" in Idaho.

I could use some help with this, too.

I will make a list, we can update it every day.
If you hear an ad on Piggy's show that's not listed, make a note of it,
send me e-mail   and soon we'll have our own list.

We'll make a list of She-Nazi advertisers, too, but they're mostly the same
uneducated, right-wing Hooked-on-Phonics losers trying to learn to read.

So if you hear an ad on either show, send me the advertiser's name, and,
if possible, their URL so we can bombard them.

To reduce the flow of mail, maybe wait until you have several to send...

 BartCop's FAQ

 From: leocarr@mediaone.net

 Mr. BC,
 What is this reference to Paul Harvey and a horse that you make occasionally??

 Leo
 
 

 Leo,
 Years ago, maybe 94 or 95, Paul Harvey said on his lil' hate show
 that Bill Clinton murdered 42 people to be president.

(Sidebar: That may've been the day I decided to start fighting back.
 I remember calling the K-Drag Demo party that day and asking them
 for their reaction to that shit and I believe the lady said,
 "They accuse this president of crazy stuff all the time.")

 Clinton hasn't killed anyone, so that worthless shit Harvey has no proof,
 so he had no business inflicting his stupid, wild-ass, Nazi opinions on his
 show while confusing his sheep by mixing his hate opinions with facts.

 So,

 That's the way we play the game?

 Fine.
 I like games, too.

 Paul Harvey likes nothing more than having sex with a male horse.
 He lives for it.
 He craves it.
 He can't get enough.

 He scares the hell out of the horses.
 You know why Paul Harvey switched to 901 Levi's jeans?
 Because the sound of a zipper kept scaring the horses away!!

 He buys certain horses for certain reasons.
 He buys some just 'cause they're cute!
 Isn't that disgusting?
 Paul Harvey the elderly role model from Oklahoma?
 He abuses these poor horses and I'm SURE about this.

 How do I know?

 I heard it from the same guy who told Harvey about the Clinton murders.
 If the mother-horser wants to sue me, let him fucking try.
 I'll subpeona that particular show and make him show proof
 that Clinton had those people murdered.

 When he says, "I meant that was just my opinion," fine.
 That's all I'm doing, too.

 It's just using their tactics against them.
 Please God, let one of them sue me.

 ...and when they call me to the stand, maybe I'll admit it was my opinion,

OR

 maybe I'll whip out a video I recently got from one of his employees at
the ranch and let the court see exactly what I've been talking about!.
 

 Ohhhhhh........

 (shudder)

 The video will never, ever be shown on  bartcop.com   never!

 ...but I might play a little of the audio sometime.

ha ha

Paul Harvey done spit his bit!!

ha ha

 Update to Capitol Gang Outrage (below)

 From: politex@geocities.com

 Subject: granny fact
 

 Fact is, Bart, Granny was in Arkansas and came by a Clinton-Gore
 fundraiser unannounced, without an invite or someone to get her in.

 She asked an 8 year old kid at the door if she could come in.
 He said "no" and she went away.

 The truth is even funnier...

 Click Here

 Politex
(Bushwatch.com)
 

 ha ha

 Bushwatch is your primary up-to-date reference site on the web.
 If it's current, it's on Bushwatch.com

 bc

 Outrage mail

 From: VALERIE002@aol.com

 Subject: Can you BELIEVE this???

 Starr Sets Costly Record

 By The Associated Press
 WASHINGTON (AP) -- Congressional investigators say Kenneth Starr's
 investigation of President Clinton cost $52 million, the most expensive
 independent counsel inquiry ever.

 The General Accounting Office said Starr's Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky
 probe exceeded the $47.4 million record set by Lawrence E. Walsh in the 1980s
 for the Iran-Contra investigation, The Washington Post reported today.
 

 Valerie, yes, I believe it.
 Lawrence Walsh spent a lot, but he got so close to the truth, Smirk's daddy had to
 pardon the guilty BEFORE the trial to keep the serious crimes hidden.

 Meanwhile, Hardon Kenneth scared and threatened so many women,
 with his $52,000,000 and five years of digging, he found some blow jobs.

 It's not quite the same, is it, Kenneth?
 Is it Kenneth?

Right, Kenneth?
Kenneth?

Kenneth, don't just gimp there, say something!

Pundit Accountability!

Finally - finally someone is keeping score.
And big surprise which side is telling the truth more often.
Brill's Content keeps an honest eye on the media.

Good magazine, put out by my close friend, Steven Brill.
(He answered an e-mail of mine - I was impressed)

Stephie Judas Maximus, stealing from his bosses?
Sure looks that way, doesn't it?
ha ha

Hey Judas, did you stab anybody in the back this week?
Have you sold out a confidence yet this month?
It's early, so maybe not.
Traitor!

Let's take a look at the Top Six six in accurate predictions,
according to Brill's Content magazine, a fine publication.

The Top four, and four out of the top six are to the left of 1944 Berlin.
No surprise there.

Blankley and Kristol each have been called  bartcop Republicans
because it's possible for them to tell the truth sometimes.
This is backed up, once again, by Brill's Content.

Congrats to Margaret Carlson for beating all the boys.
(Not quite a shot of Chinaco achievement.)

OK, let's look at the half-honest people, the second-tier of honesty:

A Clinton-hater,
another Clinton hater,
plus Bob Novak, another bartcop Republican,
a back-stabbing Judas,
a shreiking creature that eats flies with her tongue,
and Cokie, the jack-skirted Clinton hater.

Now we get down to the REAL ditto-monkeys.

LOOK AT THIS!!!!
Look at Chippy the Chimp smoke the shit out of these lying whores!!
LOOK AT THIS!!!!

Plus, Chippy is unaffiliated!
ha ha

Chippy doesn't have the resources of ABC News, CNBC and the
Fox News Whores but he STILL got it right more often than the other four

Go Chippy!!
ha ha

I know what you're thinking, ...but this is no BartCop gag.
These are the scientific, mathmatical FACTS from Brill's Content.

Chippy beat these four lying scumbags!
Chippy has more accountability than George Will!!!!!
ha ha
 

Look at Fred Barnes, the darkest of the black holes.

I believe that those four lying whores are probably smarter than the chimp,
but they lie so goddamn much about every goddamn thing,
that Chippy beats them for integrity and accuracy!

Repeat - this is not a bartcop gag.

Holy Koresh!

If anyone ever showed me scientific proof that a chimp had more integrity
and brains than me, then I'd say "fuck it," and check out of Earth's hotel.

I hereby call on severely Catholic John McLaughlin,
and that smug bastard George Will,
and Morton Kondrake and Fred Barnes, twin-Fox Whores,
to do us all a favor and be take some sleeping pills with some vodka.
Buy the cheap stuff - you don't have to worry about a hangover!

You've been busted by a goddamn chimpanze!!

ha ha

I need a drink...

Please pass that last section around to your ditto-freinds.
Ask them to explain to you, how the best and the brightest of
the GOP lost a game of political skill to a damn monkey.
(Change what words you need to, but let people see that chart)
Print it out, and stealthly put it on the bulletin board at work.

If you want the chart intact, in a format that can be printed out
without any expert commentary or analysis from Ol' BartCop,

click here.
 

You see?

I told you they were ditto-monkeys...

Just so we don't forget what the truth sounds like
I have an example of the truth right here.
Like to hear it?
Here it go:

Great True Quotes

Margaret Carlson said something that cannot be disputed.

Click Here

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