Chat and Post

Contact Us

Old Stuff


Back Issues

M. W. O

New to BartCop?


The BartCop Reader


Volume 399 - Where Do We Go from Here?

 February 2, 2001

VCR Alert
 Classic Oldie on tonight. Sammy Davis Jr. gets into Archie Bunker's cab on Nik at night. (11:30 EST)
 If you've never seen it, what happens at the very end is allegedly the longest laugh in TV history.
 Norman Lear says he had to take out some laughter to make the show fit the 22 minutes.
 Also - Biography is doing Bugsy Siegel, the man who built Las Vegas.

 No Idiots in the White House

 I think it's always a really bad idea to have a complete moron in the White House.

 Does anyone remember that KAL flight the Russians blew out of the sky?
 I forget the year, (1983?) but our last total nimrod president, Reagan, was in charge.

 If you don't remember, it went something like this:
 A Koreak 747 was going somewhere, maybe even the US, because they flew north to save time.
 Flying north, they flew near some islands the Ruskies stole from Japan after WWII.

 Without warning Russia sent their jets to blow up the giant, lumbering passenger plane.
 There was the expected worldwide condemnation, but the Russians said they had
 a secret military installation nearby and had to protect it. They said the KAL flight
 was getting too close to the military base, so they had to destroy it.

 To expose that lie, Reagan held a live press conference.
 One of the things he said was this sentence:

 "That KAL plane was in international waters when it was attacked.
   Our radar showed that, and their radar showed that."

 "their radar?"

 How could Reagan possibly know what the Russian radar was showing?

 Truth is, we'd broken thru the Russian encoding system, and our military boys
 could read what the Russians were seeing on their own goddamn radar screens.
 Until that moron Reagan let it slip at a live press conference, Russia had no idea
 that our technology was allowing us to see what they were seeing.

 That enabled us to fly decoy planes around the world to see if the Russian
 radar screens could tell if it was a decoy or the real thing.
 Remember watching Fail-Safe?

 Now, I don't know enough about it to say how badly we got hurt there,
 but that's not the point. The point is it's always a bad idea to have
 a brainless simpleton as the president of the United States.

 There's no telling what the idiot Smirk will stupidly blurt out,
 or drunkenly tell his friends at a cocktail party somewhere.
 Smirk's stupidity is a security risk.

 Oh, God, what did we do to anger you so?

 His Scariness saw the Copenhagen piece and wrote:

 It's not Copenhagen he wants to go to - it's Amsterdam.
 Now that's a trip I could get off on.

(cough  cough)

 Open Letter to President Bush

 Click  Here

From: (withheld)

Subject: re: Thousands of years of homosexual contempt

Hey, I saw some responses to my e-mail.
I just cannot buy the historical context of the gay rape thing.

>Rick, I think you're right.
>I remember reading some horror stories about the Japanese in WWII
>If you've ever watched an episode of HBO's OZ,
>you know how accurate your second paragraph is.

OK -- here it is Bart and Mr. Logic: It has nothing to do with saying the
Dems are RAPE victims of the Repugs, it is the adding of blush, lip gloss,
leering expressions, and most recently a rainbow stained glass window.

This is not an episode of OZ you are depicting -- you are quite simply calling the Democrats FAGGOTS.
No "historical context" lessons needed Mr. Logic, but thanks anyway.

As I said before, BartCop, I agree with almost 99.9999% of the stuff you say here
-- the fag-baiting is unnecessary and PISSES OFF some decent, loyal Democrats
who are tired of grinning bravely when they are used as an example of masculine failure
and the absolute worst a "real" man can become.


Gay Tom Ardans
A Guy Who Despairs Of Making Even Democrats Get The Point

Gay Tom,

I usually hammer someone who tells me what I really meant.
You can have your opinion, but don't try to have mine, OK?

You seem to be saying:
1. I didn't read an article about Japanese guards raping our GI's to humiliate them.
2. Men turn gay the day they reach prison.

IF that's what you're saying, you're wrong.
And I'm not sure you're picking your fights wisely.
The new top cop in America thinks you don't belong here
and you're spending your energy to attack Treehouseboy?

Maybe we should fight them instead of each other.

The Democrats Met Their Waterloo

Click  Here

Celebrity Mail

Dear Bob Barr:

Dick Cheney asked me to write to help you understand why you must withdraw
your request for an investigation into the White House Vandalism.
You see, Bob, there wasn't any vandalism.

It's a story that Mr. Cheney and Karl Rove invented.
They had to do it, because a presidential transition is a time when
many Americans  become a bit nostalgic for the outgoing administration.
At times like these, it is important that we give the public a reason to be
disgusted with Democrats. Remember how right after the Senate found Clinton
"Not Guilty" during the impeachment trial we got Juanita Broderick on TV?
That was important, because a lot of Americans were looking at impeachment
with an open mind, and we had to prejudice their thinking.

The W's thing with the typewriters really did happen, and the Clinton people
probably could have done a better job at picking up their trash, but, hey,
we Republicans left the place pretty messy back in '93.

But the rest of it, Bob, was just a bunch of shit we made up.  The press is
already starting to question whether the vandalism could have even happened,
so I think we should drop this matter right now.

The people behind the accusations will not sign sworn statements for
investigators if they can avoid it.  We'll end up looking bad.

Besides, we still have PardonGate, ChinaGate (the dishes, not the country) and Office Gate.
Clinton is spending almost two-and-a-half times on his office as the next most expensive
presidential office.  I'm sure you'll agree with me that it was right and good when Reagan did that,
but it's very bad when Clinton does it because...because... Well, just BECAUSE!

And let's not forget that a year from now we'll be able to pretend that the
Clintons were guilty of vandalism; people have short memories, right Bob? :)

We need you to stop this investigation, Bob.  Mr. Cheney's already been locked up in jail twice
and he doesn't want to go back.  You can just say that it's time to move on, and we need to focus
on the future and not the unsavory past, etc. You know the lines to say.

Your party is depending on you.

With God on Our Side,
Newt Gingrich

p.s.  I see your point about the old state flags; throwing them away would be a big waste.
What do you plan on doing with all of them?

 Y'know, I'm not sure...

 But I think I saw Smirk eating some Beef Jerky.

 (This is a fix for yesterday's screw-up)

 Koresh, it's soooo embarrassing
 Even the Russians are making fun of the "White Flag" Americans

 Click  Here

 We seemed to be saying that the presidency of George W. Bush is somehow illegitimate,
 based on a brutal display of partisan interference by a Supreme Court faction that had clear
 and undeniable financial stakes involved in the outcome, and on a concerted campaign of
 racial disenfranchisement in Florida the likes of which have not been seen since the
 decades following the Civil War.

 Today's Headline News

 Bush's Next Battle: Energy Plan Promotes Alaska Drilling

 I guess we can expect the Democrats to roll over for this one, too?


Subject: Letter to DNC

Below is a copy of a letter sent to the DNC instead of a contribution they requested and I plegded to give.
Note where I added a little something from your site........with credit.

February 2, 2001

Democratic National Committee
430 South Capitol Street SE,
Washington, D.C. 20003

Dear Sirs;

While I am aware that during a recent phone call made to me on your organizations behalf, I pledged a donation of $20.00, I have decided to renege on that pledge. Mind you, I usually take very seriously any pledge I might make, however in this instance I feel no remorse in violating said pledge, after watching and reading of the Democratic Senators shameless rolling over and kowtowing to the un-elected president Bush, giving in to his cabinet selections for Attorney General and Sec. of the Interior with only a token showing of opposition, thinking that might appease those of us who are "real" Democrats.

Sen. Feingold (D traitor, Wis.) made a statement at the Senate Judiciary hearings that "we should treat Bush like we would want to be treated." Well that would be well and good, but if you are going to apply the "Golden Rule" , shouldn’t it be obvious how the Repugs wanted to be treated by the example they set during the last eight years??

"Our guy gets elected and is hunted for eight long years.
Their guy steals the goddamn election and the Democrats are kissing his ass."

I am so disappointed with the Democrat’s in the Senate, not one would stand up for the millions of voters who got the shaft from the U.S. Supreme Court during the "election", When the

Black Caucus (only true Democrats left) protested the results of the Florida "count" and resulting twenty five "electors" being accepted by the Senate. Therefore, I am henceforth claiming no party affiliation and am re-registering as an independent. I will no longer be a "yellow dog" Democrat, if you want my vote, you’ll have to earn it, mindful that I will be watching very carefully what is going on in Washington and my home state of Arizona.

Ronald J. Henry

 Last night, on the Clark Howard radio show, he said the
 price of gasoline will "skyrocket to unheard of highs this summer."

 Is anyone surprised?
 No matter how badly BIG OIL rapes the consumer, Smirk and Ashcroft will stand by and fiddle
 while proclaiming "the market is working" while American families go broke and lose jobs.

 Howard (did we ever decide if he was Dem or Monster?) also said Detroit will sell
 2,000,000 fewer cars this year than last year.

 From the USA TODAY:
 Sales figures for this January compared to last January.

 General Motors down 5 percent
 Ford down 11 percent
 Chrysler down 16 percent
 Toyota down 11 percent
 Mercedes down 7 percent

 But there was some good news, too.

 Kia is up 53 percent.
 That means they went from selling 46 cars last January year to 70 cars this year.

 Other notes:
 Ford is reeling from poor sales of their best-selling, gas-guzzling Explorer and Excursion
 because the price of gas is about to skyrocket to all-time highs under that idiot Smirk.


Subject: Thousands of Years of Sodomy

Hey Bart,

I understand gay Tom's point of view, but he is missing the historical context of saying
that some guy's taking it up the ass.  I know for sure that a couple of thousand of years ago
it was common for the victorious army to rape the men of the other side, and it may be that
it happened even more recently than that.

The reason has as much to do with gay sex as straight sex generally has to do with male-female rape.
It was a way of showing beyond a shadow of a doubt that these were conquered men.
It humiliated them and destroyed their spirit.

Just because the Dem Senators are taking it up the ass doesn't mean that they or the Repugs are gay.
Actually, I have a few gay friends that would probably be offended to know that they were being
lumped in with politicians in general.


Rick, I think you're right.
I remember reading some horror stories about the Japanese in WWII
If you've ever watched an episode of HBO's OZ,
you know how accurate your second paragraph is.

What do these men stand for?
Screw women, screw gays, screw minorities, screw civility, screw the environment.
Let's all work for their defeat in 2002.

I won't forget.
I didn't forget Feingold voting with the cockhunters in 1998,
I didn't forget Byrd screaming, "Don't tamper with this jury, Mr President,"
and I won't forget this bunch of back-stabbers, either.

Great True Quotes

This (the Ashcroft vote) is no victory for the Democrats
because they don't have the guts to filibuster.
  -- B'Orrin hatch (R-Raised in a chicken coop)

 That's the first true thing I've ever heard B'Orrin say.



Subject: Stop Payments

Just a note to tell you I am ending my monthly support of the DSCC (Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee)
effective immediately (my Feb. 5 donation).

Words cannot describe how disappointed I am in the Senate "Democrats" who voted for the Ashcroft nomination,
those who refused to support/encourage a filibuster against him, and those who refused to fight him when they
had the chance.  They didn't even have to lie, but merely to say that Resident Bush would see the same type
of  'bipartisanship' that Bill Clinton did.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not the largest financial supporter you've ever had, but I gave proudly for years, thinking my contribution was making a difference nationwide (a powerful feeling indeed, given MY Senators Inhofe and Nickles).
Now, I see it doesn't make any difference at all.  If we can't--no make that CHOOSE NOT TO--stop Ashcroft,
will we stop Robert Bork? Pat Buchanan?  David Duke?

Don't worry, I'm not going to the 'other side' (or maybe I am).
My contributions will be going to Emily's List, individual candidates, and


Eddy Collins
Norman, OK

P.S. I'd STRONGLY suggest you remove my name from your direct mail list.
Not spending any more money soliciting me will be the closest thing
you'll get to making money from me.

Go Eddy!

 That, or the Senate Democrats partying with Smirk in Gore's White House.

Prime Minister Smirk?

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien made a verbal gaffe by referring to
Smirk as "prime minister.''   Chretien referred to the importance of a visit he is due to make to
Washington on Monday to be the first foreign leader to meet the new U.S. president.

"I would like to say thank you to him because he was gracious in calling Canada first after he
became prime minister,'' Chretien said. After a prod, Chretien quickly added: "President Bush.''

During the U.S. election campaign, Smirk himself was tricked by a Canadian comedian,
who posed as a reporter, into accepting greetings from Canadian Prime Minister Jean Poutine.

Poutine is the name of a popular Quebec dish of French fries, curds and gravy, but Smirk is too
goddamn stupid to know our neighbor's leaders, and the whore press never called him on it.
Matter of fact, the whore press priased Smirk's "incredible command" of foreign policy.

 Great Political Quotes

 Bush and company give the unfortunate impression of glee
 at the thought of an economic downturn, as if it were a lucky break.
 It's like a child hoping to be sick so he can take that yummy medicine.
   -- Mike Kinsley, in Slate

 Yeah, they NEED that tax-cut for the super-rich so bad they can taste it.
 They don't care what their higher energy prices do to the economy, as long as
 they can bankrupt America and drive us into a big, big depression, they figure
 they can sell the press on the idea of those huge tax-cuts.

 Did you see the front page of the MONEY section of USA TODAY?


 Economic News gets "really ugly"
 There was more bleak news for the economy Thursday as a closely watched gauge
 of factory activity fell to its lowest level since the Bush recession of 90-91 - low enough
 to signal that the entire economy might finally have slipped into recession for the first time
 in a decade, in a report economists characterized as "grim" and "really ugly."

 America is in real trouble, folks,
 ...and we've got the stupidest man ever appointed president in charge.

 Hi, I'm Tina, BartCop's Pay Pal girl.
 If you think BartCop's doing a good job,
 and would like to see  get bigger and stronger,

 click here 
 The Pay Pal people will give you $5 just for signing up, and if you say  referred you, they'll send him $5, too.
 The Pay Pal people have too much money, and they're probably Republicans,
 so why not help transfer their wealth to
 BartCop says if enough people send in a small donation,
 he'll let me put on a PG-rated fashion and lingerie show for you.
 (That is, if the women aren't too upset over it.)
 Trust me, I can flat-out wear some clothes.

 So help BartCop "grow the hammer higher," as Mr Bush says.
 If you don't have a credit card, you can donate via snail mail
 at PO Box 54466, Tulsa, OK 74155

 This is war, and we all have to do our part.
 Your country may depend on it.

Yesterday I mentioned that the idiot Governor of Indiana, (Quayle relative, no doubt)
banned The KInsmen's Louie Louie in 1964 because it was "too pornographic."

Well, hey, this is the Internet, where you can say anything, right?


Subject: Louie Louie

As per your request:

Louie, Louie, me gotta go. Louie, Louie, me gotta go.
A fine little girl, she wait for me. Me catch the ship across the sea.
I sailed the ship all alone. I never think I'll make it home.
Louie, Louie, me gotta go. Louie, Louie, me gotta go.
Three nights and days we sailed the sea. Me think of girl aw constantly.

On the ship, I dream she there. I smell the rose in her hair.
Louie, Louie, me gotta go. Louie, Louie, me gotta go.
Me see Jamaican moon above. It won't be long me see me love.
Me take her in my arms and then. I tell her I never leave again.
Louie, Louie, me gotta go. Louie, Louie, me gotta go.

Oh, those lyrics are so dirty!
If only we'd had Attorney General Ashcroft back in 1964.
He would've shut those bad, bad Kingsmen down.

From: (withheld)

Subject: Wise-ass Question

Limbaugh and the economic geniuses on the right have been telling us
for five years that Clinton had nothing to do with our vibrant economy.
They attributed our prosperity to:

*Republican governors
*Alan Greenspan
*Hard working American People
*Ronald Reagan
*Bill Gates

I read the papers and watch the news,
but I missed the stories that told how these things disappeared.

*  Why didn't the news media tell us that most of the Republican governors have left office?
They couldn't still be running their states, because if they were, things would still be good.

*  When did Alan Greenspan quit?
He must have quit; otherwise things would be going as well as when Clinton was in charge.

*  Why did the American people stop working hard?
Are they on a "bender" in honor of Smirk?  It's nice to emulate our honorable
and dignified president, but let's put down the bottle and go back to work.

*  Ronald Reagan laid the groundwork for decades of prosperity.
Even in mid-October of last year some really smart conservatives said that all the
good times we were experiencing were a direct result of Reagan's 1981 policies.
Did he undo his great policies?  How could he do that if he's too
confused to even testify about the felonies he committed?

*  Bill Gates was given credit by conservatives who aren't afraid to say really stupid things.
What happened to Gates?
I know he handed the CEO position to Ballmer, but he didn't exactly quit, did he?
And he said that letting Ballmer run things while he oversees new technologies
will be BETTER for Microsoft shareholders.  Is Bill Gates a liar?

All sarcasm aside, we all know that the items listed above are supposed to
be the REAL reason for Clinton's unprecedented prosperity.  Why did the
prosperity stop when Clinton went away if the other five factors are all still in place?

Can anyone please explain?

The president, the cross and the cookie jar
 by Molly Ivins

 Click  Here

From: Amy Mouse

Subject: Gay Humor

BartCop wrote:
> So, can you point me to acceptable gay humor?

Kate Clinton.  (No relation.)
She's pretty damned funny, and I think she has a book...
She jokes about how you should never come out to your father in a moving vehicle,
and calls the gay wedding trend "Mad Vow Disease."

My favorite bit of hers is how she used to "de-dyke the apartment" before her parents came to visit.
She said, "We call it, 'straightening up'"


Hey, thanks for that.
I'll check napster (while it's still free) for her.

 John Ashcroft's Doorbell

 Click  Here

Police in Kentucky are looking for a customer who succeeded in paying for
a $2 order at a fast-food restaurant with a phony $200 bill featuring a picture of
the idiot Smirk and type that says (ingreen)  ILove2Smirk 4u

A phony bill with a picture of phony president passed to a Dairy Queen bonehead.


Subject: Gonna send it to you

Morning Bart,

The money I was going to give to the DNC is going to you
Bart don`t be embarassed about donations.

Hell Bart, you're the only Fighter we got (that`s white) so look for a card from me.
If I had the money I`d give you a Scaife amount of cash and that ain`t bullshit.

Have a good weekend!!!!!!!!
Be reading you.

Toledo Friend

Thanks, Joe.
Joe is my Luca Brazzi, my most loyal reader.

         This toon now available on a coffee cup. Click toon for details.

The Democratic Traitor's Hall of Shame

 Christopher Dodd - traitor
 Zell Miller - traitor
 John Breaux - traitor
 Kent Conrad - traitor
 Byron Dorgan - traitor
 Ben Nelson - traitor
 Russ Feingold - traitor
 Robert Byrd - traitor and KKK man

 To me, Dodd is the most disappointing.
 Miller and Breaux are from southern, racist states, so they have the excuse
 that they were doing what their racist constituents wanted them to do.
 Conrad, Dorgan and Nelson are total nobodys who could've been
 bought off with a promise for a bridge in their tiny, midwestern states.
 Feingold has been a Republican for at least three years,
 but Dodd is a liberal from the northeast - he voted against his constituents.
 "Fuck 'em," once unnamed source quoted Dodd as saying.
 "I want to be buddies with that idiot Smirk."

They are traitors to their party, voting to confirm this worse-than-Reagan monster.

 Stabbing women in the back.
 Stabbing minorities in the back.
 Stabbing gay Americans in the back.
 Stabbing the environment in the back.
 Stabbing their party in the back.

 Oh, God, what have we done to deserve this fate?

 Debate Last Night

 Last night's debate was a rip-roaring success story,
 ...if irritating and frustrating over 100 people was the ultimate goal.

 Where to start?
 I know - the next time a debate is mentioned, e-mail me and ask if the victim,
 ...sorry, I mean the opponent has been carefully screened. I must take complete
 responsibility for the Gorelost debacle, because I was itching to shear a sheep
 and he was the one baying the loudest the night before.

 Plus, it was my mistaken impression that he had issues with me.
 When we got into the ring, he didn't have any issues.
 I was looking forward to being the reluctant witness but it turned out
 I was to be the prosecutor and I had not prepared anything.
 Once we got started, I got the impression he wanted to insult me, insult my page
 and insult the chat room more than he wanted to debate political issues.

 Oh, another mistake I made - I said "Debate at 9 PM" thinking everyone
 understood I meant local time, but not everyone knows what local time is,
 so a bunch of people showed up at 9 EST.  Sorry about that.

 Also, Gorelost was very very impressed with the technology of private messaging.
 He made it a point to squeal like a little pink piggie each time he got a private message,
 and the worst part was he has an attention span shorter than mine, even.
 It was so bad, it made the Bird debate look entertaining...

 There were some techincal glitches with the chat room, which I guess can
 only be worked on when there's that many people there, so someone said
 we should try EFnet or dalnet or somewhere for the next debate.

 The main reason I like our forum is that Gens can lock out the non-participants
 but there was a glitch in that last night too, so it was a bit of a free-for-all.
 Someone said people can be locked out on EFNet by using the "m,"
 but I don't know what that means.  It was also suggested that a moderator be used,
 which is fine with me, if it will help with the focus, but, like almost-President Gore,
 I'll need to be able to ask the victim my own questions to make it a landslide.

 Before we try it again, I will do some better prep.
 If we can work the bugs out, it really should be fun.

 Damn, just got a call from Scary Perry, remember him?
 He invited me to to to Copenhagen for a weekend.

 What's in Copenhagen?
 Sounds like it'd make a fun story, doesn't it?

 Love is in the Air
  by Bill Press

 Click  Here

 I think this one article makes Bill Press one of the top Democrats in the country.

 Last Night's VCR Alert

 Friends sucked, and they knew it was a really, really important show for them.
 Are they giving up? Do they not have the steam to take on Survivor?
 Joey's chair broke and Monica's Dad likes Ross better?
 Who on this planet could like Ross more than Monica?

 Survivor was more entertaining than I expected it to be.
 (By the way, I said Kimmie was the good-looking one? I didn't find hardly any
  good-looking girls last night. Maybe the Outback is a little tougher on  the women.)

 With Survivor, you have to remember the fix is in.
 The object is not a fair contest, the object is entertainment.
 The bug-eating contest (which was more gross than the first one last year)
 was more fixed than last year's Florida election results.

 My good Catholic math tells me the odds are1 in 200,000 that all seven pairs
 of contestants would hit a different bug to eat. It's just not possible.
 Las Vegas wouldn't exist if the long shot came thru this easily.

 The C.S.I. was better than usual, and their usual is pretty good.
 They got into the casinos this episode, which is why they're in Vegas, right?
 I'm not saying every episode has to be gambling related, but if we have to have
 a victim, might as well make her a nude dancer or a pit boss instead of a secretary
 and a plumber's assistant.

 Haven't seen the Regis tape yet.
 Was it another night of all $1,000 losers?

 And while I was in the chat room, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Carrie,
 the doctor who uses a cane, has gone lesbian on us! That's a sure sign the show's
 in trouble when they turn to Howard Stern tactics during sweep weeks.

..............................BartCop Store................................................Make
payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure!... ...... .......
..............................................................................................................................................................POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It had everything - it wasn't very good, but it was bigger than hell.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

Privacy Policy
. .