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Volume 410 - Carolina Death Watch
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 February 19, 2001

 VCR Alert - Since we're in sweeps, NBC is smartly giving us a night of tired reruns.
 Patty Hearst is doing a tour of the Hearst Castle on the Travel Channel.
 I'll watch anything with Patty Hearst in it.
 BTW, did you notice what a spectacular failure NBC's Super-sized Friends has been?
 Granted, last Thursday's show was better than Joey's Broken Chair and Mom Always Liked Ross Better,
 but SNL has apparently bailed out, after doing ONE extra 20-minute show. They did two, but the first one
 was on a rerun Saturday so it doesn't count. Conan's "outtakes" special was horribly lame.
 Maybe they should just move Friends to a night when Survivor won't kick their ass.

 The new Chris Rock movie, Down to Earth, is being almost universally dumped on.

 I was unable to see it last weekend, did you see it?
 If you did, I'd appreciate a review, and it's OK if you didn't like it.
 Just be honest and specific and give examples.

 Words of Wisdom

 Since I missed the Sunday talk shows, the next best thing to seeing them is reading
 the Pundit Pap over at
 Dave and Gene totally rule!

 Scam and Cocky at least did one favor for America today -- they pointed out
 the true traitors in the Democrat Party willing to lynch Clinton to save their own sorry asses:

 1. Bill Daley -- the man who lost the presidency while making snide comments about Al Gore.
 2. Henry Waxman -- the congressman who runs West LA as if it were his own fiefdom.
 3. Joe Lieberman -- the creep that went Biblical on Gore, helped him lose the election big
     time, and couldn’t wait to attack Bill Clinton on the Rich pardon.
 4. Charles "Up-chuck" Schemer -- the forked- tongue "liberal" who publicly attacked Bill Clinton
      for the Rich pardon to feather his own shaky nest.

 Don’t be surprised if Bill runs for the Senate against Schumer in the next go-round.


 I always liked Schumer until he went Barr on Clinton on an issue Schumer couldn't
 have possibly known a goddamn thing about - the Rich pardons..

 Y'know, I think Clinton was being attacked the very first time I heard his name in 1991,
 and he's taken a whole lotta shit from both parties, and come out a winner.

 We expect the Republicans to be lying whores
 but it still shocks me when the Democrats eat their own.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 The Bush White House is having to spend $10,000 per day
 repairing computer keyboards that the Clinton people destroyed.

 ha ha

For $10,000, I could get a new keyboard and oral sex from any Playmate of the Year.


Subject: BartCop Favicon

Hey, BC

I made you a "favicon" - the little icons that appear in people's browser's
URL fields when they go to your site - and in their bookmarks lists.

It's a tiny little truth hammer.

If you already have  bookmarked, you have to delete it and delete
it from your recently visited sites in order for the Explorer logo to be replaced.
But for all who bookmark you from now on, they will get the logo if you use it.


Jenny, I did that, and it didn't work until I restarted my computer.
Now the lil' Truth Hammer is there and it looks great.

 Like Tony Snow and Sean Insanity did last week, Rush is spending significant time on
 a Clinton comment that he flew from LaGuardia airport to London non-stop in the 70's.

 I guess that's all they can pin on the "greatest liar in history."

 Last night, I set the VCR to record West Wing and the Angie Harmon Show.
 (You might remember they pre-empted both hit shows for fucking basketball.)

 This morning I checked it.
 The West Wing was there, we'll watch it tonight.
 But the Angie Harmon Show, scheduled to be broadcast at 2 AM this morning wasn't.

 They ran another goddamn basketball game at 2 AM instead of the Angie Harmon Show.

Inside Report: Democrats on South Carolina death watch
 by Robert Novak

Senate Democrats are stalling on agreeing to a legislative budget, noting that the declining health
of 98-year-old Sen. Strom Thurmond could result in giving them a majority in the Senate, and consequently,
a much bigger share of the legislative funds. Republican critics call it a deathwatch.

Old friends say they have never seen Thurmond in such poor shape. His physical condition seems to be
deteriorating, with diminishing hope for a recovery. Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, in conversations
with colleagues, has been particularly concerned that he will soon be minority leader.

South Carolina's Democratic Gov. Jim Hodges has promised he would name a "caretaker" rather than
an active candidate to any Senate vacancy, but his chosen replacement will surely be a Democrat.
That would be enough to turn the Senate to a 51-49 Democratic edge, at least until the 2002 South Carolina
Senate election, in which Republican Rep. Lindsey Graham is the early favorite.

No more impeachment

The widely publicized remarks of Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) that Bill Clinton can be subjected to a
second impeachment as a former president have generated outrage among Specter's fellow Republicans,
particularly the House managers of the 1998 impeachment.

They complain that Specter's comments tend to eclipse Clinton's post-presidential antics and make the
former president an object of sympathy rather than scorn. The senator's impeachment talk hit the front
pages of many newspapers.

Former House managers compare Specter's conduct with a basketball referee's makeup call to compensate
for a past mistake. In 1999, Specter abstained on the vote to convict then-President Clinton.

Wasn't Tom Tomorrow funnier when he was a Democrat?

Subject: Brady, Scrape That Substance Off Your Shoes

Click  Here

Margaret Shemo beats up some ditto-monkey from Volume 397


Chelsea Mourning
Man, that was nasty – National Review Online columnist John Derbyshire’s
Thursday attack on – are you ready for this? – Chelsea Clinton.

"I hate Chelsea Clinton," the Englishman writes, and then explains, in serious detail–because the force
of this essay is that it’s precisely not a joke, that Derbyshire offers substantive reasons–exactly why.

There is, most substantively, Chelsea’s participation in what Derbyshire calls the "Great Clinton Project."
That is, "to enrich the family from the public fisc, and to lie, bomb, bribe, and intimidate your way out of
trouble when necessary."  Thus we have the Lewinsky-era image of Chelsea between her two supposedly
estranged parents as she walks them to the waiting helicopter. Thus, near the beginning of the Clinton years,
we have the People photograph of Chelsea cuddling with her mother in a hammock.

The problem with absolving Chelsea of responsibility in these episodes is that to do so ignores what we
know is the usual dynamic between parents and their teenage children. It’s a dynamic characterized,
under normal circumstances, by an almost total state of war, during which your typical, honest teenager
wouldn’t be caught dead so much as walking down the street with her parents, even when the latter
happen not to be crypto-rightist politicians of famous arrogance, greed and brutality,  ha ha  and even when
the episode isn’t being photographed and reported by the world media. Indeed, most normal teenagers we’re
acquainted with lash out at their fathers when the poor guys so much as presume to bid their children
good morning, or use the remote control.

Wait, you're saying it's wrong for her to be "caught dead" walking with her parents?
I think a good, old-fashioned "fuck you" would apply here.

One wonders if young Chelsea found it within herself to demand a few moments of her father’s time
after he rained bombs on Sudanese civilians.

Remember how this story started?
He called the other asshole "nasty."

Derbyshire goes on: "At the Middle East peace talks in Camp David last year, Chelsea took dinner with her father
and Ehud Barak, and so monopolized the conversation, the Israelis are said to have been offended. Excuse me,
but what the hell is Chelsea doing inserting herself into extremely delicate diplomatic negotiations?"

And Derbyshire digs up this little bit about Chelsea’s studies: "When Chelsea went off to Stanford, we were told
that she planned to study to become a pediatric cardiologist. How noble!–to give over one’s life to curing the
heart problems of little kiddies! Yeah, right. A Clinton, giving over her life for anything at all other than...herself.
Now that there is no need for spin, we hear that the next stop is at Oxford University to study economics.
That’s about m-o-n-e-y."

Writes Derbyshire: "Chelsea is a Clinton. She bears the taint; and though not prosecutable in law, in custom and
nature the taint cannot be ignored." And he notes that Chelsea is "not just genetically a Clinton," but is also so
"in spirit and habit and manner. The evidence for this is now, I think, sufficient to indict."

We don’t know whether we’d go that far yet.
Who knows?
There’s still time for Chelsea to pull an Amy Carter and react against her upbringing.
(Not that we mean to compare Jimmy Carter to his Democratic successor.)
But it’s at least good that Derbyshire brought this issue out into the open.

Oh, yeah, we're ALL happy that Chelsea has become a target, too.

I asked this question at the time and like most questions I ask,
I can't get a ditto-monkey to answer because they'll look too stupid.
How were the three of them supposed to walk to the chopper?

If Bill and Hillary were holding hands, you crazy whores would scream "Staged!"
If they had walked without holding hands, you crazy whores would scream, "She hates him, too!"

The problem isn't Chelsea:
The problem is you crazy whores.

Stroke Me, Stroke Me

Pigboy: The reason I liked Dale Earnhardt so much is because he would do anything to win.
              Racing is a cut-throat business.

Caller: But Rush, you said that's why you hated Clinton,
             because you said he'd do anything to win.

Pigboy: Uh, ...uh, ... I, ... I have to take a break.

 Old Business

 The "terrible, painful secret" Laura the Unloved was so breathessly advertising last week
 turned out to be smaller than Smirk's SAT score.
 Her music producer Dan Mandes has a sick child and is leaving the show.

 Oh, her TV show has been cancelled, too, but she'd never admit that.
 Paramount says they're "on break," or some such horseshit, but she's toast.
 Turns out she's not very entertaining when she's not mangling the inbreds.

'Exiled' Lieberman hints at run in '04

 Click  Here

 Connecticut Sen. Joseph Lieberman described himself Sunday as the "vice president
 of the government in exile" and hinted that he might make another run in 2004.

I read something on the plane about how Ariel Sharon will be "good for peace"
in the Middle East because he's considered such a wild man, such a crazy blood-thirsty cowboy,
that Arafat and Saddam will think twice before screwing with him.

You younger kids won't remember, but that's how Reagan got elected.

President Carter was seen as weak because he tried to get our hostages back from Iran.
He wasn't successful, because Bill Casey and Smirk Daddy told the Ayatollah that they'd
get planes full of weapons if they agreed to hold the kidnapping victims longer.

...but the whole time he was running, that lying bastard Reagan kept promising America,
"By God, if I become president, we won't have to put up with shit like this - trust me."

America really wanted a John Wayne in 1980.
America was tired of getting pushed around by foreign terrorist governments,
so they elected (legally) the insane cowboy who was too trigger happy to piss off.

We soon found out Reagan was a liar and a thief.
He promised he'd never negotiate with kidnappers,
then gave them Stinger missles.

And remember, he looked America in the eye and wagged his finger and said,
"There were NO WEAPONS on those planes," and we forgave him for lying
about something that serious because it didn't involve Clinton's cock.

Such a Disgrace

Smirk is speaking at the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial Dedication as I type this.

He sounds like Will Ferrell.
He's on the radio, but you can tell he's smirking by the way he's speaking.

I can't believe this moron is president.

By the way...

At the K-Drag airport, they have a giant poster advertising Oral Roberts University.
Because they wanted to attract eyes, they put a very pretty girl in the center of the poster.

You uptight-types who get all upset when I run a picture of a pretty girl should
recognize that even religion will use a good-looking girl to spice up a bland product.


 George W. said to an aide. "I gotta see what all this Jewish stuff is about."

 So off they went to a kosher restaurant.
 The first course was set in front of them: Matzo ball soup.

 George W. was grossed out and hesitant to taste this strange looking brew.
 Gently, the aide said, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."

 George W. dug in, spooning up a small piece of matzo ball with some soup,
 and quickly finishing off the entire bowl and all of the matzo ball.

 "That was delicious," George W. said.
 "Do they eat any other parts of the Matzo, or just its balls?

 Dale Earnhardt

 I hope you don't have an emotional bond with Dale, because I'd like to ask a few questions.

 I didn't even know him.
 I know less about car racing than Smirk does about Social Security.

 But they said he was "famous for bumping other cars."
 That sounds more childish, foolish and dangerous than sportsmanlike.
 At 180 MPH, is that a smart idea?

 Don't the other drivers fear a man who wants to play chicken at 180 MPH?

 They also say he died when he was blocking other racers so his son or partner or somebody could win.
 Again, I know Dole about car racing, but that doesn't sound fair OR legal.
 Get your buddies in the race so they can get in the other guy's way?

 In Vegas, if you get in a card game to block others so your partner can win
 they take you to jail because everyone knows that's cheating.

 I also thought it was strange to do an autopsy on him.
 The cause of death was pretty evident, wasn't it?

It really burns me up to hear a filthy horse-molester like Paul Harvey go on and on about how
"even the Democrats have turned on the Clintons for stealing the White House blind."

He's telling the truth for once in his damned life. The Democrats are lining up to dump
on the Clinton's for taking fewer gifts than Red-Ink Reagan or Smirk Daddy Bush.

Can anybody explain why they screwing the top two Democrats in America?

Our party is full of spineless weenies and opportunistic whores who don't even question
the press reports before they condemn the man who reversed the Reagan error.

What can we do about that?

Singer Pat Boone supports Eminem

 Click on Pat the Perv

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Foul-mouthed rapper Eminem has detractors,
but Pat Boone is coming to his rescue. Boone may not like the content of Eminem's music,
but he said that he respects freedom of expression.

"I don't agree with his lyrics, their content or tone.
 I'm totally opposed to violence, racism and homophobia,
 but I vigorously feel that we must respect an individual's right
 to speak his mind, especially when it comes to all forms of art,"
 Boone said Friday in a statement.

Other artists have come under fire for either supporting Eminem or, in the case of Elton John,
performing with him at Wednesday's Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. John has been criticized
by many people in the gay and lesbian community for his decision.

 Great Political Quotes

 Smirk is about as useful as the "b" in "doubt."
   -- dunno who said that

Civilian on Sub, Marc Rich Linked

Click  Here

One of the civilians aboard the submarine that sank a Japanese fishing vessel
is related to a Texas oilman and big Republican Party contributor whose
company once did business with fugitive financier Marc Rich.

If the press keeps printing stories about Smirk's fat-cat contributors,
Cheney will have to order more military strikes for another distraction.

If you're still angry about having your right to vote taken away by Tony "three fingers" Scalia,
you can get some "Bush Cheated" bumper stickers from

Three for nine dollars seems pretty cheap.

Does anyone have any idea what happened on the X-Files last night?

Last may, Scully said, "I'm pregnant."
They seemed to ignore that "fact" for the next nine months.
Last night, the show opened with her checking her figure in the mirror,
which tells the viewer she was worried about her pregnancy beginning to show.

Then, a whole lot of weird shit happened, then she's crying because the bad people
kidnapped her and left her barren. Then more weird shit happened, and then she asked Mulder
(is he back now? With no explanation of where he was?) to be the father of her child.

Then her gynocologist tells her her ultra-sound is "perfectly normal," then Mulder tells her
he found her kidnapped/stolen ovum, if that's a word, and he thought it'd be a great idea
to take those eggs somewhere to have them tested. The testers told Mulder the eggs
were "non-viable" or some similar non-descriptive term, but he never says if he brought
the eggs back or threw them in the trash or whether they were fertilized or anything.

So for the entire hour, the prenant, then not pregnant, then pregnant, then sterile, then pregnant,
then aborted, then pregnant, then not pregnant Scully fights with everyone, expecially her partner
who she can't trust with the time of day.

Then the husband of the murdered woman turns out to be on the bad guy's side, which makes
no sense because the camera showed the bad guys locking him out of the room which wouldn't
have been necessary if he was in on the plan, right. The widower opened the show screaming
for the FBI to do something about his murdered wife, but he's in on the whole plot the whole time?

So - why raise a ruckus at the FBI?
Why not stay home and sip some fine, luxury tequila, instead?

Then, T-2 Silverboy has his secret friend kidnap Scully and another pregnant woman and he turns out
to be a bad guy, I think. Then something else happened, and Scully is seen in bed, waking up like Bobby Ewing.

Does anyone have any idea what the hell happened last night?
Were we the victims of a 60-minute hand job?

Is Mulder back?
Are all the Mulder scenes flashbacks?
If Mulder's back, where was he?

I'm so old, I remember when the X-Files was a great show

Another opinion

Another opinion

Another angrier opinion

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It had everything - dating tips, a mystery that's not, some naughty Jennifer and a great trip report.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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