This Just In...
Gerbils Can Harbor Mites That Cause Itchy Rash
(Reuters) - Pet gerbils can become infested with
mites that bite humans
and cause severe itching and red bumps on the skin, researchers report.
Their study is the first to pinpoint gerbils as
a source of ''northern fowl mites''
and ``chicken mites,'' which cause a rash known as avian mite dermatitis.
Rush Limbaugh did not immediately return our calls to his office.
The mystery of the docile Democrats
How long will they keep jumping through Ringmaster George's hoops?
By Jake Tapper Salon.com
To many liberals, the Democrats just seem like wimps -- "Why the Democrats
Are Getting Rolled,"
reads the headline of the New Republic.
The analyses are rude: "It's been painful to watch the Democrats roll
over and play dead
for George W. Bush since his coronation," reads an op-ed in the Christian Science Monitor.
Roy D. Mercer
Have you ever heard that name?
Roy D. Mercer is the pseudonym used by the Tulsa Classic Rock radio station's morning team.
It's a old time hard rock station, but Roy D. Mercer is the most country-est shit-kicker in Oklahoma.
Roy D. Mercer has become the highest-selling comedy act in the
world of country,
even surpassing the legendary Jeff Foxworthy.
I know what you're thinking, but no, it's not like that.
The joke is that these are two extremely bright and funny rock DJs have accidentally
cracked into the Nashville comedy scene and I'm not sure the country folk get the joke.
Also, when I had the Hard Rock Island Club they did my commercials.
One of the bits they do are prank phone calls.
Click Here for samples in MP3 form
Anyway, the reason I mention this, is there's a Tulsa guy going
We don't know exactly when (could be tonight) but if you see a Tulsa guy
in the big chair - trust me - stay tuned for his Phone-A-Friend, Roy D. Mercer.
Subject: Duck Hunting
George W Bush (R-Thief) went duck hunting in South
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As Dumbya climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him
what hell he thought he was doing.
Dumbya responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in
this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The Idiot President said, "I am The President of the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck,
I'll call my Poppy and we will do the same to you as we did to the American people."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you
don't know how we do things in Louisiana.
We rule ourselves under the Napoleonic Code, not the fascist code. We settle small disagreements
like this with the Louisiana Three Kick Rule."
Puppet Boy asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three
times and then you kick me three times,
and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
Dumbya quickly thought about the proposed contest
and decided that he could easily
take the old codger. He took a toot of nose candy and he agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to The Thief.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work
boot into the Idiots groin and dropped him to his knees
where he immediately vomited. The geezer's second kick nearly ripped the Presidents nose off his face.
Bush was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The Thief summoned every bit of his dark heart,
vengeful will and managed to get to his feet and said,
"Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
Subject: Tom Tomorrow
>"Wasn't Tom Tomorrow funnier when he was a Democrat?"
Tom Tomorrow was funnier when he thought for himself.
Now all he does
is sketch up blast faxes from the Eco-Republican National Committee.
The self-righteous handwringing over the ostensibly corrupt Terry McAuliffe
has been official leftist party line for a few weeks now.
What's really annoying about the tattooed wing
of the Republican Party
is how they advance themselves by exploiting the anti-Dem ideas created
by the GOP. And they wonder why we hate them.
Great Political Quotes
You teach a child to read and he or her will
be able to pass a literacy test.
-- Smirk yesterday at Townsend (Tenn.) Elementary School, in the Washington hore Post
Congrats to the whore press for figuring out another angle to
keep Bill Clinton
at the top of another news cycle. You Republicans and press jackals can claim
legitimacy all you want, but everyone knows you've got nothing but Bill Clinton
to talk about, and if there's no Clinton news you manufacture some news.
From Lycos.com news
Hillary Clinton's brother Hugh Rodham,
who has a history of capitalizing on his family's name...
Compared to who?
The Occupant who's never held a job?
Smirk is stupider than a Playboy bunny, but he became president
thanks to his family name and Tony Three Fingers Scalia.
Smirk got in college on his family name,
got into a closed National Guard unit on his family name,
got probation for possession of cocaine with intent to deliver on his family name,
got excused from going AWOL in wartime on his family name,
got in the oil bidness on his family name,
got a baseball team on his family's name,
got elected governor on his family name,
and got appointed president on his family name.
...but it's important that we attack "greedy" Hugh Rodham, who
has a history of capitalizing on his family's name...
These days, after reading the whore news, I feel like taking a shower.
Subject: America at Risk
(This son of a bitch spy.)
Lets see, ... what could the FBI do with 30 or
40 agents Ken Starr was using to chase Bill?
Seems like they just might have had a few more important things to take care of.
Koresh help us.
Gary in Seattle
Gary, the Republicans think Clinton's cock is more important than catching spies,
...or finding the religio-crazies who bombed the Word Trade Center.
...or finding the cause of the TWA 800 explosion.
Russian and Chinese nuclear missles aren't the enemy.
Clinton's cock is the enemy.
Don't you own a TV?
Madonna started the show.
The Return of the Material Girl.
Love her or hate her, she still has "it."
Yeah, she's a little older, but she's a lot smarter.
She rocked the world in 1983 with her "Like a Virgin" performance at
the MTV Awards.
She wasn't the prettist girl in pop music at the time, but when she rolled around on the ground
in that wedding gown she broke open a whole new wing of show business.
Plus, that "Music" song is kinda catchy, even if you try not to like it.
Jon Stewart, funniest white man in America, hosted the show.
Hip, unflappable, free-flowing - everything I like in a host.
Quick with the ad-libs, too.
He didn't need a team of writers to be funny.
"I saw Eminem backstage - and he is so gay!"
It eludes me.
She's not cute.
She can't sing.
She dresses like Moms Mabley on laundry day in those fireman's boots.
She wins awards, though, but I fail to see the reason.
Is she Tommy Matola's daughter?
I'm male, ...I'm over 13, ...so how could I possibly care?
And why do they introduce them as being "from Orlando?"
Does that hold water anywhere besides Orlando?
But I'm so hip, I know Lance is the one who did Regis and Justin is "dating" Miss Show Biz.
Y'know, I don't mind the children having talentless pop idols, but shouldn't
they be told?
Should their parents set them down and explain the facts of music to their kids?
These boy bands are fabricated, manufactured choreography without substance.
Kinda like the smirking president that Tony Three Fingers Scalia installed against our will.
These different reincarnations of boy bands are nothing more than recycled Bobby Sherman,
Donny Osmond, David Cassidy millionaire slaves with fat, old white masters
Remember New Kids on the Block?
Neither do I.
Some "hard rock award" was given earlier in the day? Off camera?
Gees, you guys had time to mention, on camera, the winners of the BEST LINER NOTES Grammy,
but not the best Hard Rock album of last year?
(put gratuitous insult here)
That's another group that actually has some talent.
They may dress like Macy Gray, and they may dance like Elaine Benes, but they have talent.
They all have some talent, but the blond, the one you can't take your
eyes off of, is the whole act.
She'll pull a Diano Ross on those supremes in the next year or two.
She belongs on TV, in movies and in the pages of FHM.
She don't need to be splittin nothing with no junior partners.
I'll never be old enough to like his music.
That song sounded like "You Can Call Me Al," which, by itself, may've
cost Gore the election.
Maybe it's the image of Chevy Chase dancing The Funky Chicken in the video,
but "You Can Call Me Al," will make me hurl faster than warm beer.
Can't go wrong there.
It's going to be a loooooong time before I get tired of hearing her sing that "Breathe" song.
Tim McGraw puts the move on his Grammy-laden wife in front of photographers.
Faith won two Grammys for "Breathe," and one for "Let's Make Love."
Tim won a Grammy for "Luckiest Bastard."
I heard the "Breathe" video has Faith rolling around in bed, in just
a sheet, but I don't see much CTV.
I saw a second of Oprah today, talking about the upcoming Grammy's.
She showed a picture of Faith with the Klute haircut and said,
"She looks great with that hair, but don't try this at home."
Oprah, always telling the truth.
Yeah, I'm prejudiced, I thought they were great.
"It's a very unique emotion I'm feeling right now. I think it's called humility.
I'm completely not used to it," says U2's Bono.
Can you believe the sound The Edge gets out of his guitar?
And his vocals!
They have to be the best guitarist-backup-vocals in all of rock.
Richie Sambora wishes he could sing/play like The Edge.
A little echo or reverb on The Edge's fine vocal and Bono has
a choir traveling with him.
The Edge doesn't really play chords and he doesn't really play lead.
He plays these echoing scales that just go with stuff Bono writes really well.
Who else can sound like that?
At some point, U2 won an award (they won several) and the second
time, Bono let The Edge
accept the award and Jon Stewart made a big Harpo/Teller thing out of The Edge finally speaking.
Stewart mined comedy gold out of that gag three times, saying now that The Edge found his voice,
they can't shut him up backstage.
So the third time U2 won an award, The Edge continued Stewart's
rambling on with trivia, now that he'd finally found his voice.
Who knew the Irish had a sense of humor?
Sheryl Crow sang a song with some country gal (Shelby Lynne)
who was cuter than her,
had a better voice than her and performed wearing tight black leather pants to boot, so to speak.
But I think Sheryl might've had her by 90 IQ points or so.
Christine Aquilera's name is pronounced the same was as tek-eela.
I say this every time, but Christine Aquilera actually has talent.
Britney Spears puts on makeup better than Aquilera, but Aquilera can sing.
She made her entrance sitting in some butty bubble thing that was slowly
from about 30 feet above the stage, which stopped near a landing.
As the bubble leaned away from the landing, she struggled to get her footing.
I hereby bestow onto Christine Aquilera "The Dress" of the night.
So far, this is the best picture of the dress,
which doesn't do it or her justice
Then came Grammy Chief with a too-long apology about the right of the
to express himself without Hatch, Lieberman or Laura the Unloved censoring his work.
The Eminem and Elton John did "Stan."
I never heard "Stan" before, but I can relate because I have Stans.
Matter of fact, I was actually kinda moved by the song.
There are a lot of unbalanced people in this sick country.
We all agree Eminem has some issues he needs to deal with, but his abilities
as a poet
enable the listener to go on a journey that most musical artists can't provide.
I'd never heard this "Stan," song before, and with my IQ of 64, it usually takes me
6-8 listens (or Mrs BartCop's help) for me to get the point of something.
But I caught that Stan stuff the first time.
Seems to me that song does a whole lot to explain to people that what
on a CD isn't what they need to run out and mimic in their everyday lives.
Sure, music can have a message, but it can be just music, too.
I thought that Stan thing was really well done.
I have no love for Eminem, but what logic would there be to deny that he
has the ability to tell stories that draw you in and grab your heart?
Koresh, by the end of the song, Eminem is trying to help the poor schlub
which is in a little more positive light than the whore press wants to show him.
Besides, only Elton John can go to Homophobia.
Who better to put an arm around Eminem and ask him to reconsider?
Of course, Eminem proved he wasn't quiiiiiite ready to join the mainstream.
Even the Eminem haters should like his attitude.
He said the only reason he showed up tonight was because he knew a lot
of people didn't want him there and he didn't want to give them the satisfaction.
He's got plenty of faults, but he's a fighter.
The Democratic Party could use some of his aggression right now.
Subject: Explain this one away, xxxx xxxxxx
Hey, barfcop or whatever the fuck you call your pitiful self.
The name is BartCop, Stan.
Please be so kind as to explain and illustrate
to me just how you are going to relate
Clinton's pitiful cock to the payoff for pardons to the brother of the ex-First Piggy Bitch.
Clinton has a "pitiful cock?"
When did you get your first look?
How close were you to it?
Was the lighting good?
Do you wear glasses?
And were you wearing them at the time?
You've done your best to put his cock at the forefront
of whatever stupid thing he does, do it with this one.
Come on, butt munch. Give us your educated spin on this one. Come on, defend the indefensible.
What is it you'd like me to defend?
The Republican party's relentless pursuit of the former president's genitalia?
You'd need a Republican to defend that, Sir.
Clinton and that xxxxx he is "married" to are
two-bit, pieces of xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx. And you claim an affinity with them.
Shows us a lot about you, don't it?
Do you kiss your mother with that filthy mouth?
Come on, fartcop, defend them.
Amuse me with your liberal drivel.
How can we relate this to Clinton's cock?
Does he even have one?
You said you were familiar with it, remember?
Can we get the court reporter to read back Stan's testimony?
...how you are going to relate Clinton's pitiful cock to...
It appears you can't keep your lies straight in your head.
Besides, you right-wingers live and breathe Clinton's cock.
Can't you ever get enough?
Well, if anybody would know, it'd be you, with
your fixation on it.
Funny, you're the only that does fixate on the dumb shit's cock.
Shows us a lot about you, don't it?
Wait, you think I'm the one who put the nation on hold for three
years to depose
hundreds of women to ask intimate questions about Clinton's sex life?
I assure you, I have no authority to do that.
Those actions were taken by your leaders, the GOP.
You are a fucking idiot.
Your mindless belief in the infallibility of your "hero" is as fucked up as he is.
I would pity you, but actually I'd just prefer to xxxx xx xxx, barfcop.
What the fuck is that, "bartcop" shit, anyway?
And since we are on "what the fucks", just what
is that "swear to Koresh" shit?
You a goddamned commie or something?
Koresh was a stinking idiot, much like you, but he didn't deserve to murdered
at the hands of your needle dicked hero, Clintoon.
No, your party said Koresh was "merely an armed tax resister."
Your party held endless hearings on Waco, only to have Senator Purina swear,
with one hundred percent certainty, that Koresh murdered his own people.
Now, you might say Ralston is an incompetent liar and an idiot, and I might agree
since he sponsored Slappy the Wonder Judge and Ashcroft the Annihilator,
but he's one of the smarter, saner people on your team, so be careful.
So what's up with the "swear to Koresh" shit?
Do you really think that irritates a conservative Republican?
If you do, then you're dumber than I thought.
It certainly seems to have upset you.
Maybe you're not a conservative Republican.
Hey, xxxx xxx, why won't you debate me?
I've tried three times to get you to debate me on your terms, on your site, 9 o'clock ET, Thursday nights, remember?
Must not, you never show up or respond to me.
Stan, I've never heard of you until today.
Why won't you respond to my messages?
This is the fourth one I've sent, and you just ignore them.
Hurt my fucking feelings.
(Folks, I did not make Stan up.
You might be thinking that he's an Eminem-inspired gag, but Stan is for real.
E-mail his foul-mouthed, uneducated ass and find out for yourselves.)
I'm going away now.
Bye, poofcop, er, barfcop, er, fartcop, what the fuck ever it is!
Stan, promise me you won't lock your pregnant girlfriend in the trunk
and drive off a bridge.
Let her out of the car, then drive off the bridge.
I think a debate between us would be pointless, but I'd be willing to
debate a team
of you and five smarter friends, especially if one of them can type fast.
Go to the Freeper boards and locate a ditto-monkey who can type
and recruit some help and we'll set this up for a week from tonight.
Clinton at his farewell rally in Chicago, thanks to Boot Newt
Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
Tally's back from her Mexican cruise, with her first report.
(works best with Internet Explorer)
I can't wait for the next installment - the tequila report.
Laura the Unloved to Speak at GOP Reich Rally
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) - Talk show harpy
Laura the Unloved (R-Opinion For Rent)
has accepted money from the California Republican Party to lecture them at a prayer breakfast
during their state convention this weekend.
(I wonder if they'll pray to Jesus the Prophet or Jesus the Deity?)
Schlessinger, a radio shock jock and registered
independent, has raised the ire of fair-minded
Americans by referring to homosexuals as "biological errors'' and ``deviants.''
She apologized last fall for what she called ``poorly chosen'' words.
GOP spokesman Stuart DeVeaux said they invited The Unloved to speak Sunday because she is well-known.
OJ Simpson is well-known, too.
"One person's values don't represent the entirety
of the Republican party,'' he said.
"We have people of all ethnicities and all sexual preferences in our party.''
No, you have Andrew Sullivan, Uncle OJ Watts, Ward Connerly and Slappy
the Wonder Judge.
They are four Judas whores accepting GOP cash to screw their own.
Subject: THE LINCOLN SUB
Love your site, I start every morning with it.
One question, if you know the answer, could you please publish it.
I went to a site and gave my opinion regarding
Lincoln bedroom vs. Lincoln Sub
and donors, had several people respond by telling me this was set up long ago,
before Resident Bush got to White House.
Even had one infer it was Clinton's fault, which
didn't surprise me.
Do you know when this was arranged?
Usually I don't try to speak for anybody but myself, but in this case
I feel pretty confident in guaranteeing you that Clinton didn't set up
a bunch of BIG OIL Republican donors to play with the sub controls.
I'm fairly certain the Republicans invited the Republican donors.
A Fun Reagan Read from consortiumnews.com
Subject: Wes Minter
>Wes Minter is the new K-Drag Nazi who follows Pigboy on the AM station
>Anybody heard of this loser?
I know who Wes Minter is. He's a little mouth-breathing,
bottom feeder, foam-at-the-mouth, knee-jerk liberal hating whore Rush Limbaugh wannabe
who stunk up the airwaves here in the Twin Cities for a while a few years ago.
His show was on the top rated station here and
they couldn't pay people to listen to him.
Sorry to hear you guys are stuck with him. But as soon as someone there shines some light
on him he'll disappear. That's what cockroaches do.
This Wes Minter really is an untalented gasbag.
His little tag line is, "If you like Rush, you'll love Wes Minter."
That's true, and if you don't like Rush, you'll really hate this Minter moron.
A Message from Christian Livemore, bartcop.com publicist
In our ongoing effort to get bc the big hammer
he needs to pound King George
into the ground like a polo stake, Ray Coleman and I are working on a press release
to try to draw some attention to the site.
We’d like to include in the press release a few
quotes from readers
(quotes that we can use on a continual basis) telling why they like BartCop so damn much.
So if you have a few minutes, e-mail me at email@example.com
and let me know
what you like about the site, why you keep coming back, or anything else you want to say.
And the more specific the better. “BartCop
kicks ass” is a nice compliment,
but we’d like to get a little more detail if possible.
As your English teacher would counsel you in writing a term paper on the subject:
In what ways does BartCop kick ass exactly?
And try to express your thoughts in two or three
sentences at most so we have room to include them.
Think of it in two parts:
1) What do you like about BartCop? and
2) What would you say to somebody who’s never read the site to convince them to go check it out?
And remember, I may include some of the quotes
in a press release to media outlets,
so make sure you let me know if I have permission to use your quote.
And give us your name (first name is okay), or a name we can attribute this quote to.
Letting us know your profession and where you're from would be cool, too, so we can say,
“Shelby, a taxidermist from St.Paul, thinks BartCop kicks ditto monkey ass.”
That way, we can show that BartCop has a national audience.
Also, if you have a PR background and want to
help out, or if you know a
local newspaper editor who might run a story about BartCop or your college
newspaper or any other media outlet you can think of, let me know that, too.
Thanks for the help, folks.
Together we can grow the BartCop hammer higher.
Subject: Dennis Miller
What took you so long to see Miller as the whore
he is? I quit watching him about a yr. ago.
At the end of his show he would always have those 3 or 4 zingers about Clinton.
After a few dozen shows like that I had enough.
He would name his own gandmother for a buck. He sucks hind tit.
Glad you finally saw through him. Give him hell, that bastard fooled me for a while too.
Thanks for the info on Media Whores Online.
Lota people still pissed about this election, I mean fraud, like me.
Keep up the good work, only news other than BBC I now read or watch.
p.s. would my donation be tax deductible? not crucial
A donation isn't tax deductible, but someday, if it gets big enough,
the hammer may make a difference.
As far as Dennis Miller, I think comics get a pass on most things.
Let's face it, Clinton deserves a few zingers, but when Miller turns unfunny whore,
when his own live audience won't laugh at his Clinton attacks, he's supposed to get
the message that he's crossed the line between funny and being a prick.
I still think, at some point, he may turn around and say,
"What the fuck happened to me? Sorry, I'm back now," and go back
to being a comedian instead of an unfunny Smirk apologist.
Subject: ...rage on dear master! love it!
Hola wise one!
I have been to your site four times so far (after
lurking around unquietmind.com and disinfo.com
for at least a year). I thought I was doing a friend a favor by letting him in on disinfo & unquietmind
but he gave me more than I could ever have hoped for by mentioning bartcop!
At first I had a short taste or two, but tonight
when I read the exclamation "holy koresh" I wanted to
scream out loud, and sob with complete admiration! I have more trust in your site than any info-automaton.
Thank you for mentioning Master J. Ventura as well.
Perhaps by some fluke of inner strength I will
some day get out of my own head and start to act...
ah whip on, oh dear motivating administrator of wake-up calls!
Inner Peace and Alertness to you and yours,
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything - Zogby, Zippy, a burning Smirk and killer fat-cats.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.