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Volume 434 - Vaseline 
.Old Stuff .  .......... ....Celebrity-hoe-mails ...... .....  ...Required Reading.  .....   .The Myth of the Liberal Media
                 .Onthe Far,  Far Horizon........................LiveWeb Cams ........................TheRuby Tape           The BartCop Tax Plan
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 March 23, 2001 
 VCR Alert
- It's Slim Pickens, as Mel Brooks might cast, but Regis has his celebrity outing and there's
 a Lone Gunmen tonight. Slim Pickens, indeed. Even the SNL is a rerun.  Sunday we have the Oscars.
 I'm more pumped than some years cause I actually saw some of the "best picture" nominees.
 ...and then there's the NBC "Homicide" movie that they buried against the Oscars, just like old times.
 It was the best show on TV and NBC just threw it away.   Oh, and one other reminder for Sunday:


 How will  finally end?

 Click  Here  for Chapter One


Subject: Looking for info

I'm trying to find the article regarding Poppy's pardon history--specifically the contributor
to the Bush library convicted of either embezzlement or drugs.  Searched your site for pardon,
heroin, embezzlement, Bush.. no dice.  I really want to nail this right wing nut who insists on
spamming our tennis team with his Alice in Wonderland fantasies and looking glass logic.

Can you help??

Gary, I know this sounds bad, but if it doesn't show up with a search, the only way to find it
is to comb thru each issue since the pardons, (about 60 issues) and I don't have time.

If anyone can put their finger on the Bush-pardons-the-heroin-smuggler story, e-mail Gary.
I think the story was from, maybe a search there would help...


What kind of man reads...

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country (all whores).
The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country (3/4 whores).
The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.
USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't understand the Washington Post.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country,  if they could spare the time.
The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country.
The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.
The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country,  or that anyone is running it.
The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country.

good day,
jimmypage from louisville

...and  is read by people who know those ten newspapers are lying.

 The Genius of Jerry Seinfeld
  From wire services all over the world

 NEW YORK (AP) - Appropriate for a man who made a television show supposedly about nothing,
 Seinfeld joked  about doing nothing on Letterman's show Wednesday.  Seinfeld also talked about babies,
 mad cow disease, pizza and  that guy, Jared, who lost 100 pounds in a Subway sandwich commercial.
 It was his first televised stand-up comedy performance in two and a half years.

 "Everyone says you don't do the show anymore, what do you do?" Seinfeld said.
 "I'll tell you what I do. Nothing." But, he said, doing nothing is not as easy as it looks.
 "You have to be careful," he said. "The idea of doing anything can easily lead to something
  that would stop me from doing nothing, and that would force me to drop everything."

  Letterman introduced Seinfeld as someone who "bounced back from the cancellation of his show."
 Seinfeld, a new father, said babies are wonderful, "but let's make no mistake about why these babies are here.
 They are here to replace us.  They're cute, they're cuddly, they're sweet," he said, "and they want you out of the way."

 Jerry, stop!
 My sides are splitting.
 Nothing is funnier than baby jokes.

 The baby peed in your cereal?
 That's too hysterical!

 Do you have it on video?
 Make him stop!  ...for what ails you.

From: (withheld)

Subject: Vic the racist is right!

You wrote:
>"Vic the Racist said again today that I could be rich if I would just switch sides."

He's right.
If you're willing to give up a considerable portion of your humanity,
it's amazing how much wealth you can build.

As a college professor once told me,
"You can get anything you want as long as you're willing to fuck people to get it."

In the same vein, I heard a speech last year by author Michael Parenti:

"The rich want only one thing: everything."


 Happy 25th birthday to Keri Russell

 From the looks of her, I'll bet she's a Democrat.

 Today in History

 In 1919: Benito Mussolini founded his Fascist political movement in Milan, Italy.


 In 1933: The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act, which granted Hitler total dictatorial legislative powers.

 ...and yet, ...Rush is working today!


Subject: Thank you

I get so frustrated - glad that there are folks out there paying attention.


 George Clooney has a new girlfriend living with him - Lisa Snowdon.

 Certainly not an un-attractive girl, but is she Clooney-worthy?
 Remember what Chris Rock said: "A man is as faithful as his options."
 Does any man have options like Clooney?

 Oh, well, maybe she cooks...


Subject: Foo Fighters:  What Dave Did for Our Dave...  Who is our Dave?

Dear BartCop:

Who is "our Dave"?  The Dave that Dave Groll sang for?
Is it you?  I only know you as BartCop...

I also wanted you to know that I did a piece about the Hall fo Fame, too.
It's hard to find good news, so I take it where I can find it:

And you are right-on when you talk about the current state of rock music,
for the most part.  (I exempt Aerosmith -- their new album is FUCKING FANTASTIC!).
Something has changed in rock music, and not for the better:

"For me (and I know music is a very personal thing -- people like what they like), the music
I've always loved has been all about testosterone, about the male animal.
The tomcat.  Seduction and aggression.  Like watching a panther in the wild.
A window into a beautifully uncivilized corner of the masculine mind.
Not that the other stuff isn't good, it just doesn't GET me, if you know what I mean."

My theory is this:  rock and roll, at its best, should be all about sex and aggression.
It serves a societal need by giving folks a "vent".
Giving a voice to human drives and impulses is what rock was born to do, and what it did best.

But the corporate entertainment industry neutered rock(for the most part),
and so now we're stuck with folks venting FOR REAL.


"The Diva"

On David Letterman's big "back from the dead" show, they asked him who he wanted
as the musical guests on this biggest-of-all nights.  Dave said, "Get me Foo Fighters."

Problem: Foo Fighters were on tour in South America at the time, so you'd think "well, ...that's that."
But they got word to the Foo Fighters on the road in South America and Dave Grohl said,
"Dave needs us," and they cancelled the rest of the SA tour and flew home.

I can't think of anything more poignant (new word for me) than the Letterman funeral.
If that surgery had gone bad, just think of the visual of Dave's funeral.
Every top comedian in the country would attend - crying.
Rock, Stewart, Leno, Pryor, Wayans, Grammer, Murphy, Miller, the SNL alumni - crying

Dave was an emotional mess that night. People in the audience reported Dave broke down
a few times and CBS cut those moments out of the broadcast later that night.
So it was a damn emotional night. For me it all hit when the Foo Fighters played.

Dave introduced his handpicked musical guests, the Foo Fighters, as
"My favorite band, playing my favorite song."
The song was the titanically thrashing "Everlong."
The old man has taste.

When Dave was going into his guitar solo, he looked over and smiled and said,
"Welcome back, Dave," and proceeded to blow the roof off the Ed Sullivan Theater.
By then, I was crying like Bob Dole at Nixon's funeral.

I won't forget that. I did a shot of Chinaco Anejo.
Dave was still alive.


 The K-Drag based Williams Energy Company issued a press release saying
 they are not,  ...repeat, ...are not gouging energy consumers in the state of California.
 They said they are merely "pricing their product as market conditions will allow."

 Market conditions?
 Would that be similar to the market conditions after a hurricane when some jackals
 are gounging victims by selling bottled water for $20 a gallon?

 Market conditions?
 Would that be similar to the market conditions after an earthquake when some jackals
 are gouging victims by selling flashlight batteries for ten dollars each?

 Market conditions?
 Would that be similar to the market conditions after a flood when some jackals
 are gouging victims by selling a ten pound bag of ice for $20?

 You bastards created these market conditions, under Smirk's watchful eye,
 my "underestimating" the amount of energy that California would need this year,
 which will result in a tsunami of unearned money for you consumer-raping jackals.

 When you file your next quarterly reports, you will be "so surprised" that you've
 made more profit from this "underestimation" than any other period in your history.

 California is getting fucked by BIG OIL and the White House Thief, and we're next.
 Smirk is teaching California a lesson about what happens to people who don't "play ball" with him.

 America, America - God shed his rage on thee.

 Mir Space Station Falls From the Sky

 What role did Bill Clinton play?
 Was Hillary Rodham Clinton involved?
 Did any money change hands between Russia's enemies and the Clintons?
 How many times did the Russians visit the White House?
 Is there a quid pro quo?

 Tonight, on The O'Reilly Factor, our guest is Dan Burton, the most honest man in Washington.
 Later on Hannity and Stooge, Larry Klayman (R-No Dick) talks about his latest important lawsuit.
 Later, Paula Von Zahn has liberal Democrat Pat Caddell, with the truth on Clinton's Mir role.
 Then at 11, Brit Hume with a Special report "Mir - Mr. Clinton, how could you?"
 At midnight, the Beltway Boys discuss Hugh Rodham's role in the Mir debacle.
 At 1 AM, Tony Snow - Live from Moscow - on how Clinton's actions have turned our ally Russia
 against America just to cause trouble for the second-greatest president we've ever had, next to Saint Reagan.

 Fox Choir: "Ronald Rea-a-a-gun!"

 Fox, where we distort and you lay back and enjoy it like a good Democrat.

 Bumper Sticker Seen in K-Drag

 Iran and Afghanistan put God in Schools
          America Took Him Out


 "I'm never going to get out of this prison."
      Sirhan, B. Sirhan, killer of dreams, after being denied parole a 17th time.

  Mr. Sirhan, good news!
  I talked to the Kennedy family, and they said they wouldn't mind you getting out.
  They said if you could just get Bobby to sign the papers, they'll agree.

 No, dream killer.
 You're going to die in prison.
 You gave us Nixon like Nader gave us Smirk.
 You changed American history for the worse, so you die in prison.
 Maybe you should bunk with Charlie Manson - another of life's winners.

 You're going to die in prison, just like James Earl Ray.
 Oswald and McVeigh both went the same way - thru the kitchen,
 but you're gonna need to do the full amount of time, which is forever.

 Suck on that.

 Bev Conover to appear on C-Span's Washington Journal
   Thanks to for the heads up is one of the oldest and largest liberal online sources for
information you won't find in the mainstream media.

Bev Conover of is scheduled for a 5 to 7 minute interview
at 7:30 a.m. EST, Saturday, March 24 -- C-Span's Washington Journal.

Tally Briggs / Actress at Large


Click  Here

 Conservatives keep pushing "Big Lie."
  by Dave Zweifel

 Click  Here

 From:  Keith

 While in Orlando -- there were protesters still angry with the outcome of
  the election last year when Florida gave Bush the presidency held signs like
 "Jail to the thief'' and ''Defrauded by Bush Brothers.''


 Economics Lesson

 I've heard Rush say this a hundred times, but I don't believe anything a Nazi says.

 "When Ronald Reagan cut the marginal tax rates,
   overall revenue to the US Treasury actually increased."
  and then he'd reel off some fast numbers in quick-speak to seemingly back that up.

 Hey, Rush!
 If you want to be more convincing on this point, I know a way you can prove it.

 Cut your advertising rates in half.

 Using ditto-monkey logic, if you cut the rates you charge Damp Rid to run commercials,
 revenue to the EIB scam machine should actually increase - right, Pigboy?

 I mean, if Reaganomics and trickle-down really works, you say,
 if you can really make more money by taking in less money, you say,
 then you could get even more millions by cutting your rates, right?

 Why don't you publish your present advertising rates on your web page,
 then starting April 15, (just to be symbolic) cut those rates in half for, say, a year,
 then next April 15 you could publish a balance sheet proving that charging less
 actually puts more money in your pocket, lying fraud of a whore.

 I dare you.
 I double dare you.

 You're lying, and all the non-ditts know it.
 Reaganomics was always a shell game to screw the poor.
 If you want us to buy that bag of horseshit, prove that it works.

 C'mon, Rush.
 Publish your advertising rates, then cut them in half, make more money,
 and prove to everyone online that I'm the liar here.


 That's Aerosmith's newest hit on Napster.
 Napster received a big-ass list of songs they couldn't legally transfer.

 Aerosmith's "Jaded" was on the illegal list, but "Jadded," is as legal as rain.

 Months from now, people might come to the conclusion, "There's no stopping Napster."


Subject: This is wonderful!

Your publication is wonderful. I enjoy your site every morning before
I start my day. I am sure you have a larger audience then you realized.
My children enjoy your information. You must continue the fight for honest
information, its a duty! I must add that my children are of elementary
age and they are involved politically, and I encourage them to be objective
in want they hear and read. When the election was taking place their
school held their on election for the children and my daughter was very upset
because the faculity was spreading propaganda in favor of King George.

She is only six and made the determination on her own that this took place
because the local paper was covering the school election. My point is
that the republicans who  control large areas of our media sources think
that they may be able to control, but some of us parents out there are
watching our children and will not allow them to be controlled.

My daughter since then has decided she is interested in politics and pays
as close attention as a six yr old can to the political process around her.
She calls herself a DIE HARD DEMO!
I appreciate the enlightenment!

 The Day The Lights Went Out

 Click  Here

 USA TODAY says Jennifer Love Hewitt wants to shed her "good girl" image

 Jenn, you came to the right place. You just need some good ideas.
 There's lots of ways you could lose that "good girl" albatross.

  1. Wear your lil' "Love Goat" top on first dates.

  2. Call Hugh Hefner - he might even pay you.

  3. Spend a weekend at Shannen Dougherty's house.

  4. Go to Las Vegas and discover luxury tequila

  5. Lesbian scenes with Sarah Michelle Geller *

  6. Visit a fraternity, then try to be appointed vice president.

  7. Be in OJ's car next time he beats up a cop

  8. "Contribute" to the Clinton fund

  9. Share a Chippendale dancer with Courtney Love

10. Date an elderly married man from a backwards dusty state.

 My friend Joe from Boston has gone off the deep end concerning Napster.

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

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   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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