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U.S. To Enforce Financial Aid Drug Law
Whore City (AP) -- The Bush administration says
it will enforce a previously
ignored law denying federal financial aid to college students with drug convictions.
Hundreds of thousands of applicants who did not
answer a drug conviction question
on their applications were not denied aid during the Clinton administration,
despite the law saying they should have been.
Now, failure to answer the question will result in rejection of the application.
The law withholds grants, loans or work assistance
from people convicted, under federal or state law,
of possession or sale of controlled substances. It does not include alcohol or tobacco.
I have a better idea:
Let's deny the presidency to cocaine-guilty felons.
Why can't those kids just say, "That was years ago" and forget about it, like President Blow Monkey?
A Strong Leader For Tough Times?
When the news of his DUI was made public, his response to claims that he didn't
disclose this information in a timely manner was that he wanted to protect his children.
He claimed that he wanted to deal with this issue at an appropriate time in his children's
lives. With his twin girls about to enter college just before the election, I guess he just
never got around to it. It must have been a simple oversight. Placing the blame for his
lack of candor about his drunk driving arrest on his children appears outwardly as
another act of cowardice, or at least as a clumsy attempt at psychological double talk.
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"I'd love to hear from you, my e-mail
address is 1-800-282...eh?...what?
Oh, that's my phone number, not my e-mail address."
-- the former smooth-talker, opening the third hour.
Subject: Pop Quiz
Oh my God!! Is that---Jennifer Fitzgerald? Daddy Smirk's tail??
Now we just need a picture of Tammy the Stripper, Smirkboy's squeeze!!
No, that's not Jennifer Fitzgerald, but here's another clue for you
She's has had sex with a Bush.
Pigboy praises Smirk for not going to Washington state to greet the China 24.
As everyone with an I.Q. above 60 knows (I qualify) President
Weak & Stupid stayed away
because he might have a camera or microphone stuck in his face, and he'd screw that up,
so they're keeping him more hidden than Ross Perot's Crazy Aunt.
Rush, I'll make you this deal:
If Smirky stays away from ALL these types of photo-ops, then I
promise to say
that this was a sincere gesture on his part, and he's a better man than I gave him credit for.
If this stay-away is a one-time affair,
if Smirky barrels his way into other photo-ops in the next four years,
that will be proof that he stayed away this time because his idiot ass was scared.
Maybe the White House got word that not all members of the crew
were happy with Smirk's begging and grovelling.
What would've happened if Smirky was standing on that stage with those men and they said,
"Mr President, why on Earth did you apologize to those kidnapping bastards?"
Smirky can't explain why he took the actions that he did.
All he knows is what Uncle Dick wrote for him in the script.
That would've been a certified disaster, if those 24 had dissed him.
So, Rush, those are the terms.
My readers are honest enough to hold me to this.
If Smirk avoids all these "hero photo-ops," then I'll print the words,
"President George W Bush is a better man than I gave him credit for."
But if Smirk starts showing up at other "hero photo-ops," that's
proof he's a weak
idiot and a liar.
Time will tell, Pigboy.
You feel lucky?
Subject: DMiller services Bush like Monica serviced Bill
The DMiller Right Wing pod assimilation is so enraging that I don't watch him anymore,
but was surfing the other night and blundered into his monologue for all of 20 seconds.
In that fleeting chunk of time, he gave Smirk another handjob regarding China and then
drove around the block to bash Gore.
Did you catch the bit where he ranted about what
a maniacal micro manager Gore would have been
with the China crisis. (Yeah, Dennis - WOULD HAVE been, had the election not been stolen from him.)
Miller was doing that I'm outraged and livid schtick, where it looks like he's baring his teeth.
He's obviously co-opted, bought and paid for,
but I think there's something else responsible for his lurch to the right.
He's obviously still smarting from the reaction the public had at large to his embarassing performance on MNF.
His hyper intellectualized style made him come off as someone desperate to be liked and to fit in, like some kid
from the debate team trying to hang out with the football players. Now, he wants to show us that he's just like
most other white males: angry at something they can't name and unable to remember, much less appreciate the
peace and prosperity brought to us by Clinton/Gore during the past eight years.
These same angry white guys listen to Rush Limbaugh,
see Drew Carry as some fat patron saint, and don't have a
problem with the current pRe$ident being illegitimate, stupid and at times semiconscious as long as he isn't Bill Clinton.
Enjoy that tax cut when your excessive Malibu
lair is under water, you snyde clueless fuck.
More than ten lines.
But whose counting (votes?) -la Dennis,
break leaks oil, saltwater on Alaska tundra
"Shit is everywhere," say eyewitnesses.
Anchorage - A hole in a pipeline used for transporting by-products at the Kuparuk oil field on
Alaska's North Slope has resulted in the biggest spill of industrial material onto the tundra in recent years,
the Alaska Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC) said on Tuesday.
Although there have been bigger spills on the
"this is probably the biggest spill to tundra that we've had,''
said Ed Meggert, the Fairbanks-based manager of spill response for DEC.
Although no more than 3 percent of the produced
water's volume is oil, and that oil has been stripped of many of its
properties, the material is harmful to the tundra nonetheless, Meggert said. Saltwater, if it seeps into the earth,
kills the tundra plants and has lingering effects, he said.
"It's about the same toxicity as diesel,'' he
What did Rush have to say about this oil spill?
"It's nothing. It's nothing at all."
Yeah, it never is to a pro-Smirk whore.
After talking about it for 20 moinutes, he said this was a "non-story"
that newspaper editors
would probably ignore, since it was meaningless and "nothing at all."
It makes your boy look reeeeeeal stupid, Rush.
Racism Wins Victory in Mississippi
Mississippians voted to retain the Confederate emblem on their
flag by a 2-to-1 margin.
The racist state's white-to-black ratio is also 2-to-1.
Narrowly defeated was another vote to add to their flag a black
cadaver hanging from a tree.
Mississippi has been looking for something to proclaim their racism since the Mississippi
Supreme Court ruled the "Niggers Stay Out" signs at their borders could not be funded by the state.
Subject: Who is this woman ?
That, sir is no woman.
That is Jeb's tax dodging wife, Columba Bush.
Arrested in late June 1999 for failing to declare
approx. $19,000.00 worth of jewelry and clothing bought in a five day shopping
spree in Paris. Customs asked her several times to declare everything
she had, but she maintained that she
only had $500 worth of goods in an attempt to dodge the $1,140 duty tax (on the $19,000).
She was fined $4,100 after caught ... however,
since they busted her before the tax was due (late July),
she managed to dodge serious felony tax evasion charges.
She claims she didn't want Jebbie to know how
much she spent and that she committed felony perjury to
customs agents to hide her purchases from her husband (note she actually was given a civil citation and fine
after they found out they'd busted the guv'ners wife).
Man, don't that sound like a happy marriage from
Shades of Imelda Marcos and Zsa Zsa all wrapped into one :
"Dahling, you just can't understand the hardship I have to endure !"
Note that the Jebbie subsidiary of shrub, Inc.
was worth a declared $2.4 million in 1997 (the last year finances were
available when the report went to print). As if jebbie could notice or care abou 19K against that background noise.
As if that was their actual net worth, too (I've seen recent estimates that poppy is a multi-billionaire; shit,
smirky wonder chimp is damned near worth nine digits officially ... you really think jebbie's is so small ?).
The real 64 dollar question is :
Since she was hiding the clothes and the jewelry from jebbie, who she was saving it up to wear for ....?
As far as her public shyness, well .... it's fairly
well documented that she can't handle the spotlight.
jebbie married her for the status and the image in front of the camera's
("see, I'm married therefore I'm a normal hetero white male"). I mean, if you looked
like linda trip's shaved ass, would you want to step out into the media lights ... ?
Looking at her studio touched-up publicity photo,
you can understand why jebbie might find kate harris 'do-able.'
God's, Columba must be a freak horrer show in the dawn light of a Monday morning.
You are correct. Sir. Damn, if I'd thought about it,
we could've offered a new cherry-red Corvette as a prize.
more than a made-for-TV 'crisis' to impress
by Gene Lyons
The near-idolatrous early coverage of Bush II by the Washington press clique has pretty much ended.
Moreover, there are growing signs that the public isn't buying.
the Guns, Stupid
Guest editorial by Elissa Booradley
Subject: You made my day
I just finished reading today's rants which included the finale:
>>Hey, go fuck yourself Easterboy. You accused me of being lower
>>so shove your fake Easter cheer up your ass.
>>Fuck you a second time.
>>The GOP just stole an election, and you want me to smile cause it's
>>Thank God some of us are fighting back.
I just about fell off my chair laughing.
It reminded me of what I did yesterday.
My husband and I had just walked outside after eating lunch at a nice restaurant.
The beautiful day was ruined when I saw a Caddie with a bumper sticker that read,
"RESTORE INTEGRITY -VOTE REPUBLICAN"
I got a piece of paper out of my purse and wrote:
"Restore integrity - help a MORON steal the election. You must be VERY PROUD!"
Then I stuck it under their windshield wiper.
It's no big deal I know, but maybe they'll think about
taking off that stupid bumpersticker before someone without my "tact" and "diplomacy" decides
to get a little more involved with their car than leaving a note.
I am so sick and tired of these hypocrites who
feel morally superior because they supported a
coke-snorting, drunk-driving, war-time deserting, clueless, dumbshit for the highest office in our
country and don't feel any guilt about STEALING the election!
Lately when someone brings up Clinton's low morals
as the reason they voted for Drinky McDumbass,
I tell them that Bill Clinton could have had a blow-job by a new intern every day he was in the White House
and that STILL doesn't change the fact that Smirk is a moron!
I'm mad as hell and I won't forget! Sorry
it's been so long since I contributed to the hammer.
Here's a little something to help "grow the pie higher".
Deb, that was very nice, and very generous.
Thanks for making the hammer grow higher.
Is there anything more pitiful than NewsMax.com begging for hits?
They're always running some wild-ass headline, like:
"Jesus Christ murdered, details on Newsmax.com"
Right now, they're selling a Waco video showing "new evidence" that Klinton/Reno loved roasting Vern's kids.
Did the FBI fire on the Davidians as they sought
to escape the burning building on April 19, 1993?
The F.L.I.R. Project, a new short documentary film is the "smoking gun" of the Waco tragedy.
The evidence in this riveting film zeros in on the core question of Waco like a laser guided smart bomb.
Riveting like a smart bomb?
Who buys hysterical writing like that?
The evidence in this film is a shocker with
its exclusive evidence that the FBI did fire on the trapped
Branch Davidians in the flaming building as women and children burned to death in the inferno.
...but, ...but, ...but that would make Senator Ralston Purina a liar,
Of course, instead of a liar, he could be a remarkably-stupid brainless idiot,
because he's responsible for giving us Clarence the Idiot and Field Marshall Ashcroft.
Subject: Love Your Site!!!
First off I am politically a libertarian.
But I just wanted to take this opportunity to
thank you for your site. The best way to prove that
liberals are nothing but name-calling whiners is to point them to a web-site like yours!
You post an entire web-page posting what YOU think
would happen, trying to prove the media is conservative,
then assume everyone that is reading is going to take it as fact, then you ask users to prove you wrong?
Well that's easy, it's your opinion and not fact, so your whole argument that the media is conservative is moot.
I will continue to visit your site on a regular
basis to make sure your most intelligent post is calling George W. Bush
stupid and a pee-pee head, appealing to the uninformed drones that know as much as you show them on TV,
where lying always justifies the means (if you are a liberal).
And if you ever post anything where you don't
call someone a name,
I will be most interested in reading it...
Thanks For Your Time...
Looks like somebody can't handle the truth.
Whenever somebody wants to complain, but can't think of anything specific, they say,
"You have 455 issues of nothing but name-calling."
Here's where I challenge the guy to a debate, but, of course,
they always lose their voice - if they have the courage to show up.
Tally Briggs / Actress at Large
The World has Moved On...
Gore Throws His Weight Around
Al Gore has gained 40 pounds
'He is eating voraciously and his staff and friends are alarmed at the huge weight gain after losing the election,'"
the Chicago Sun-Times gushed with all the credibility of Dick Morris's hooker..
What whores they are to print that.
One, unnamed source makes a wild-ass claim, and the Sun-Whore prints it.
..and it's probably not even true, you rotten salacious bastards.
Seems like it was just two weeks ago, we saw Gore with David Letterman
in that class.
I didn't notice a thing about Gore, and you'd think an extra 40 pounds would show
Of course, he could've gained twenty pounds in each of the last two weeks,
but that's about as likely as getting the truth from one of these money-grubbing ink sluts.
Meanwhile, the AP notes that in the White
"the clank of free weights and hum of the treadmill mean President Bush is working out."
Another cheap-ass shot, this time from the unnamed AP.
At least this one is believeable.
Uncle Dick won't let President Weak & Stupid do anything, so he works out.
Subject: It's Only 9:00 a.m., and I'm Already Pissed Off
has an article about the Bush administration's plan to deny
federal college aid to people with drug convictions.
The article says that many students have been
leaving the "Have you ever been convicted of drug crime?" question
Up until now that was cool, but the Bushies say that's an evasive answer.
Unlike most ditto-monkeys, I have a memory--and
I remember last fall when we learned of Junior's first DWI
we also learned that while governor of Texas, W. had to fill out a juror questionnaire.
When HE was confronted with the question about his criminal convictions, he left it blank.
That was OK.
The standards we have set for W. are so ridiculously
low it is amazing.
We hold college sophomores majoring in art history to higher standards of honor and dignity than we do this jerk.
Subject: Anti-Chinese Racism
I'm an American, living and working in LuoYang,
Henan Province, China.
I teach Chinese people to speak and to improve their English.
Right now, I am working with 5th and 6th graders,
but I have taught high school,
Chinese English teachers and adults.
I like your site, but lately I keep seeing these racist images of Chinese people.
Maybe Chinese people say things like "So Solly" in Charlie Chan movies, but not here.
Even primary students who are just learning don't sound like that.
When you portray Chinese as diabolical schemers
who talk funny, it plays into
racial stereotypes as old as America. You can't get away with portaying Black Americans
or Africans as watermelon-eating grinning idiots, or cannibals, or Jews as hook-nosed shylocks,
so dump the racism about Chinese people.
From the perspective of China, with two billion
people in China and around the world and
a 5000 year old culture to draw on, I'm here to tell ya, Oklahoma doesn't look that impressive.
You win round one.
I have nothing to add about the Chinese or American
I'm not a big fan of either one. I'm with Chinese people every day, in fact I'm the only American
that many of these folks have seen or will see and I get treated very well, thank you.
Not that it's a paradise, 'cause it's not.
The problems China faces are huge, and I don't know if they are solving them or not.
There is certainly no Chinese version of "BartCop" to keep the rulers nervous,
that's a great thing about the U.S. of A. My Chinese friend said to me the other day,
"You know, Chinese know a lot about America, but Americans know so ltitle about us."
Not for this veteran amd former peacenik.
I'll have to be calling bullshit on that one, Bart
Sira, be calm, we're on the same team.
I love to be challenged, especially by someone with intelligence, charm and manners.
Of course, I will defend my point of view, and thanks for the civil discourse.
You are free to believe that what I'm about to say is bullshit, but
I think comics get a pass.
If my intention was to insult the people of China, you'd be right at calling me on it.
...if my intention was to point out the folly of China trying to challenge
America's reckless military economy,
then that backwards humor might fit the situation better than I thought, maybe even making an insightful point.
China is AA high school football.
America is the University of Oklahoma!
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.
But hey, when people of other lands criticize America's leaders, I don't
take it personally.
I just figure they know a spoiled-ass, silver-spooned moron when they see one.
Seriously, if I was Secretary of State, I'd be more polite, but for
since the Chinese negotiators made Dubya rub his own nose in the dog poop,
I'm not feelin' real generous.
Tell the Chinese people the American people understand their plight.
We each have criminal governments and we're not happy about it..
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.