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Stroke Me, Stroke
Stroke Me, Stroke Me,
...coming back from a break.
"Rush Limshaugh, ... I, ...I, ...I mean
Rush Limbaugh on the I.E.B. Network."
If you were listening today, 8 minutes from the end of the show,
you heard that.
The stroked out nazi can't even say his own name, anymore.
Who is this woman?
...and why has the White House gone to so much trouble to keep her hidden?
"President Bush says his budget is a reflection
of his priorities.
If that's so, health care for the nation's children, uninsured families and elderly
doesn't rank high on his agenda. His huge tax cut --- which is high on his list
--- uses up the money that might otherwise go toward improving health care.
Most disappointing, Bush's budget doesn't even provide for several of his campaign pledges."
-- editorial in the Atlanta Journal Constitution
Governor's Son Pleads No Contest
FRIENDSHIP, Wis. (AP) - Gov. Scott McCallum's
19-year-old son pleaded no contest
in the drunken kicking and beating of a woman a party last year.
Prosecutors said the beating was so severe, the governor's son would get probation.
Wisconsin first lady Laurie McCallum, left, comforts her little bunchkin Zach McCallum
yesterday in Friendship, Wis., after a plea agreement on charges of disorderly conduct
from a melee at party last June. Laurie's bunchkin pleaded no contest to a charge of
disorderly conduct and to underage drinking. (AP Photo/Andy Manis)
Witnesses say Zach McCallum was repeatedly
kicking a 17-year-old girl on the ground last June.
Witnesses said McCallum was "drunker than a motherfucker."
McCallum testified the witnesses were "all lying."
He acknowledged in court documents there was a fight but said he "observed from a distance."
...and why did the governor's son get probation for kicking the shit out of a helpless girl on the ground?
Because his daddy is a law and order Republican with respect for the rule of law.
...son of a bitch...
He kicks a girl unconscious and pleads to two misdemeanors?
Wanna bet the prosecutor was appointed by his daddy?
Remember - the Rule of Law only applies to Clinton's cock.
"With our Chinese captives safely home, this
should be W.'s moment to bask in the journalistic sun.
Instead he's off in the shadows while media types keep taking their potshots.
There are two basic reasons for this
early expiration date on the China deal.
One, as we told you in our Is-Bush-Boring column, is that the president doesn't command
center stage like many of his predecessors...Two, by the weekend the China story or at least
the administration's involvement in it had become old news,"
-- Howie Kurtz of the Washington Whore Post
Hey, Howie, how about the truth?
President Weak & Stupid can't be trusted near a camera or a microphone.
Have you noticed that every time the subject of Arsenic in
the water comes up,
liars like Rush say, "Clinton had eight years to propose this new water plan.
If it was so important, why didn't he propose this back in 1993 when he took office?"
Guess what, Pigboy?
The study that recommended the higher standards wasn't even released
You know that, you're just being a dick by lying to your own people.
I wonder why they don't mind your lies, any ideas, Pigboy?
Explain how Clinton was supposed to know about the arsenic before the problem was discovered?
Granted, I wouldn't put it past Clinton, The Master, to
leave a turd in Smirky's cereal bowl,
but this "he had eight years" refrain is just typical Fox News horseshit.
Subject: Bonzo Goes to Bitburg
As a music fan, you've no doubt heard about the
death of Joey Ramone due to lymphoma.
When reading about it, I was reminded of the song he wrote in response to his own outrage
(he was Jewish) at Ronnie Reagan's visit to the Nazi Soldier's Memorial.
I then recalled seeing that photo of 3rd Reich
Reagan in a recent bartcop issue and thought
I'd suggest you add the perfect caption to it:
Bonzo Goes to Bitburg
Look at his unpatriotic ass, honoring the Nazi scumbags.
Way to go, Ronnie!
Is this how you repay the men who died when you were defending Hollywood?
"What did you do in the war, Daddy?"
shaking) I was raping starlets while our
soldiers were dying.
How do you think I met your mother?"
by Robert Parry at consortiumnews.com
Damn, I wish I could write like this guy.
Click Here to see the best version
Click Here for the inferior, forever version.
Half Ton of mail
(Now, with working link)
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"You gotta start not hearing things that aren't being said."
-- Captain Racism, first hour Monday
What the hell kind of language are you trying to speak, Rush?
Take your stroke medicine.
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (debateboy)
Subject: Somalia in 1993!
I dare you to show this email in its entirety,
rather than your usual practice of picking
only those parts that you can try to put down. This should show you the error of your ways
regarding the terrible killing of USA Soldiers in Somalia in 1993, when Clinton was president,
when Clinton misused the military to show how much of a warrior prince he was!
Former President Bush did begin the original Somalia
peace-keeping humanitarian mission
in December, 1992, which Clinton continued until he declared success and withdrew the
originally deployed forces. Then Clinton reinserted American forces into Somalia as part
of his nation building concept, from which concept disaster struck our forces.
The following is an extract from the Philadelphia
You may go out to the URL shown below, or to any other source of your choosing,
to validate what is said below:
First off, blow me on the "usual practice
of picking only the parts" horseshit.
I'll say it again - there's not another site on the entire internet (that I'm aware of)
where complainers can post their objections, so shove that lie you made up.
If you've got a point to make, make the son of a bitch.
Don't ramble on for 3,000 words and dare me to print all of it.
Besides, when you had your minute in the spotlight, you chose to say
"your site sucks bad," but you sure seem to have an addiction to it.
Second, I read that article and I didn't see the part where it said,
"Clinton pulled the troops out and went back later with others."
I think you made that up.
One sentence that caught my eye was this one:
The American soldiers were so confident of a quick victory that they
neglected to take night-vision devices and water, both sorely needed later.
You want to blame Clinton for that?
Don't you think the commanders in the field made those decisions?
Clinton-haters love to blame him for Waco and Somalia, where things went wrong.
But when he fights an entire mini-war with no losses, you credit the brave men in the field.
If you're trying to make the case that Clinton ordered that raid to
be carried out without
water or night-vision equipment you're even more stupid than I previously thought.
Tell me, is Reagan to blame for the deaths of over 200 Marines in Lebanon?
You bet your ass he is, because he overruled the field commanders and ordered those men
to be housed on land instead of on our ships where they would've been easily protected.
Reagan's personal orders got them all killed, but you overlook that
because he's got an "R" after his name.
And Bush sent those men to Somalia - not Clinton.
God is a concept
By which we measure
I'll say it again
God is a concept
By which we measure
I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in I-ching
I don't believe in Bible
I don't believe in tarot
I don't believe in Hitler
I don't believe in Jesus
I don't believe in Kennedy
I don't believe in Buddha
I don't believe in Mantra
I don't believe in Gita
I don't believe in Yoga
I don't believe in kings
I don't believe in Elvis
I don't believe in Zimmerman
I don't believe in Beatles
I just believe in me
Yoko and me
And that's reality
The dream is over
What can I say?
The dream is over
I was the Dreamweaver
But now I'm reborn
I was the Walrus
But now I'm John
And so dear friends
You'll just have to carry on
The dream is over
Subject: Bush's Tax Day Wishes: A Bigger Trim and a Democratic Ally
What a chimp!
Sen. Zell Miller (D-Turncoat) from Georgia, NOT Sen. Max Cleland (D-Hero)
supports President Pokemon's $2.5 trillion tax cut. Could Smirk be any dumber?
Well, on second thought, I guess he could...we are only two and a half months into this hell.
God Part II
Don't believe the devil
I don't believe his book
But the truth is not the same
Without the lies he made up
Don't believe in excess
Success is to give
Don't believe in riches
But you should see where I live
I...I believe in love
Don't believe in forced entry
Don't believe in rape
But every time she passes by
Wild thoughts escape
I don't believe in death row
Skid row or the gangs
Don't believe in the Uzi
It just went off in my hand
I...I believe in love
Don't believe in cocaine
Got a speed-ball in my head
I could cut and crack you open
Do you hear what I said
Don't believe them when they tell me
There ain't no cure
The rich stay healthy
The sick stay poor
I...I believe in love
Don't believe in Goldman
His type like a curse
Instant karma's going to get him
If I don't get him first
Don't believe in rock 'n' roll
Can really change the world
As it spins in revolution
It spirals and turns
I...I believe in love
Don't believe in the 60's
The golden age of pop
You glorify the past
When the future dries up
Heard a singer on the radio late last night
He says he's gonna kick the darkness
'til it bleeds daylight
I...I believe in love
I feel like I'm falling
Like I'm spinning on a wheel
It always stops beside of me
With a presence I can feel
I...I believe in love
From: Tamara Baker
Subject: George W. Bush Approval Rating
From Gallup this week
Highest: Mar. 5-7, 2001
Lowest: Feb. 1-4, 2001/Feb. 9-11, 2001
Most Recent Rating: Apr. 6-8, 2001
In other words, he didn't get any boost from his handling of the spy plane crisis.
Note how, no matter the fluctuation in his job
approval numbers, his
DISapproval numbers are marching in one direction only: upwards.
By the way:
My former Marine Corps Sergeant Bro sez that if
he were in charge, and the plane had landed
at Hainan Island, he would have given the Chinese one hour to move the plane to the far end
of the runway, away from other planes and buildings, because at the end of that hour,
that plane would cease to exist due to US missiles directed at it.
(He's still shocked the crew didn't try to land in Vietnam.
Hell, Vietnam would have given us the plane back in a heartbeat - they like us far better than the Chinese.)
Tamara, good point.
The "heroes" let that plane fall into China's hands.
That's either a catastrophe or it's not.
I wish President Weak & Stupid's handlers could make up his mind.
Subject: Excellent point with the MLK post...
You made a really excellent point with your post about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
and what would've happened if he had not been assassinated. And I think you're absolutely right!
It just goes to show how the media really doesn't have any standards of ethics or decency anymore
and just print, publish, or broadcast anything that gets fed to them regardless of its truth.
Anyone who helps other people improve their lives
or get out of the situation they are in right now
is slandered, libeled, and basically ripped apart in front of all of America because they go against
our country's conservative theme of "keeping people in their place."
King would be destroyed because he worked to protect the right of blacks
to vote and
helped to end Jim Crow. But the conservative media doesn't like that because stories like that don't
sell papers or get ratings. That's why they disseminate the lies and the propaganda, and people believe it.
true is your post? I printed it out and had my (Republican) parents
Both of them watch Faux News religiously. My father thought it was just a "rant."
They were all over Jesse Jackson when his scandal broke. What about the rumor that
Strom Thurmond has fathered several children since his 68th birthday? Geez...
In your words, "America, America, God shed his rage on thee."
That Stupid Spy Plane
Am I the only one who doesn't like being lied to?
If America did nothing wrong, why did we apologize?
And if that plane was as secret and highly-classified as they
said it was,
why are the 24 considered heroes for letting China get their hands on it?
Anyone who's read much of this page knows I'm very pro-military.
If it was "no big deal" for China to get this plane, why don't they just say so?
And if it was a big deal, losing this plane, why aren't those responsible held liable?
Those are simple questions.
Can I get some answers?
Also, let's take a quick run around the country and see what editorials are saying:
The amazingly-whoring USA Today had this headline the day the
crew was freed:
US crew leaves China as diplomacy delivers
Excuse me, but diplomacy didn't deliver shit.
The begging and grovelling by President Weak & Stupid brought those people home.
More editorials: (all 100% legit, swear to Koresh)
The Seattle Times
"The 24 crew-members are alive and healthy
and so are US-China relations.
That's a good end all around."
That is a big, big, big pile of horseshit.
What the fuck are they smoking in Seattle?
US-China relations are NOT healthy, you morons.
China has our plane from the future, interviews with the highly-trained experts
who know how to run that equipment and a goddamn apology from President Weak & Stupid.
How the fuck is that "a good end all around?"
Jesus Christ, if that's a "good ending," I'd hate to see a bad one.
The Houston Chronicle
"In contrast to his two immediate predecessors,
was any apparent effort
at personal diplomacy on the part of the president."
That was meant as praise for young Bush.
What's wrong with the handjobs at the Chronicle?
I can't handle being the only sane man left in this country.
Smirk's being banned from the room when "serious stuff" is happening is NOT an asset.
He's a brainless moron who can't
get involved when lives are at stake.
How is that a good thing?
For the next four years, we're going to hear how great it is that the unelected leader
of our country is comfortably absent when serious shit is going down.
Since Clinton gave us 8 years of peace and
prosperity, by being "hands on,"
could someone please explain to me how President Game Boy is a step up?
How is President Get-to-Bed-on-Time an improvement over workaholic genius Bill Clinton?
The Philadelphia Inquirer
"Bush and his highly regarded appointees
showed diplomatic skill in defusing this matter and winning
the Americans' freedom. Bravo. The Bush administration, basking in its diplomatic success..."
America defused the crisis by apologizing for killing hot-dogging Wang Wei!
This isn't America.
This is pink tutu capitulation!
Jesus, if you only knew how much I was biting my tongue - for the women's sake
Did FDR apologize to Germany or Japan for
downing a plane?
Am I the only one who thinks America doesn't look good in a pink skirt?
I'm getting really pissed off.
Notice the homage they pay to Bush's appointees.
Smirk himself is a goddamn negative zero on his best fucking day.
His handlers helped President Know-Nothing as best they could.
The Arizona Republic
"The Chinese stepped back from the brink
of outrageous behavior, ending the crisis,
which could've lasted much longer. President Bush conducted himself with resolve
and patience, with quiet determination, neither pusillanimous nor easily panicked."
China didn't step back from a goddamn thing
until we begged them for forgiveness.
What the hell is going on in this country?
I'm starting to panic a little myself, that America thinks we "won" something here.
When I'm at the gym, if some steroid-laden,
musclebound freak steps on my toe and I apologize,
would I be considered a "great leader with patience and quiet determination?"
By the way, pusillanimous
is from Latin pusillus meaning very small (diminutive of
(Think I'm lying? Click Here and punch in pusillanimous)
That may be the best description of President
Weak & Stupid I've seen so far.
Our president is a weak and stupid pussy.
There is panic in Knuckledrag tonight.
Oh, I long for the days when our president
was the sharpest man in Washington,
but oh, he was a bad president, because he had an eye for the ladies.
But, is it the end of the world?
Has the entire country gone Smirk-crazy?
No, we look north for the truth.
The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
"Is there fine print that's not being
Did the United States make secret concessions to reach a deal?
Above all, perhaps, did China agree to release the crew in exchange
for an agreement not to sell advanced weapons to Taiwan?"
Thank Koresh there's at least one
newspaper in America who's willing to ask serious questions
when really serious shit happens and worldwide repercussions are hanging in the balance.
A shot of Chinaco for the
Milwaukee Journal Sentinal.
When I become president, I will allow them access to my inner circle.
Subject: Easter egg non-hunt
You know that the White House
Easter Egg Hunt was cancelled today, I assume.
Want to make a bet where all the wooden eggs and prizes and candy went into the hands
of the little ones of big Republican contributors, no doubt!
I don't for a minute think the weather was that
bad up here today. It wasn't great weather,
and they seized on it to cut out all the kids of parents who had been standing in line in the
cold and wet for HOURS to a quick give-away to their most-favored bankrollers!
"I'm not sure he really understands a
lot of issues.
He seems to be given his lines by other people."
-- Sting, talking about President Weak & Stupid
Hey, I thought you were joking with the Maureen
I mean, it's an internationally recognized paper, so I thought it wouldn't have
a columnist who was, well, such a whore!
So I thought what was posted here was a JOKE!!
It wasn't a joke.
She actually wrote that garbage.
I can't believe it.
I'm going to bed.
Wake me when reason returns.
Mary Beth Finnerty
Mary, can I share a secret with you?
That's why I mix lies with the truth.
I want people to be able to tell the difference.
If they can't - we're all fuct.
Failing Upward, Take Two
Ted Olson Gets a Second Chance to Wreck a Republican
By Tamara Baker from AMPOL
April 16, 2001 -- St. Paul, MN (APJP) -- Cripes, so much stuff
the news lately, it's hard to know what to mention first.
Subject: Letter from Clinton
About a month ago, you had an email address listed
on your site for President Clintons secretary,
promoting a campaign to send thank you letters to the man for a job well done.
Well, I contacted his secretary and asked if she
thought the President would appreciate my t-shirts.
I heard back from her almost immediately and she said that she thought the President would love my site.
So, I mailed off three shirts ('Hail to the Cheats', 'Kenneth Star in 2005' and 'Possible New Mascots for
the Republicans') along with my thank you letter, not really expecting anything to hear back.
Today I was quite pleasantly surprised to receive
a signed letter from the President, thanking me for the
shirts and my letter. I can't imagine a republican president doing something so simple but so gracious
(Smirk hasn't developed the necessary communications skills). I am going to post this letter to my website
and will frame the original.
I just thought you'd appreciate this story. I am an even bigger fan of President Bill today.
Tim, I'm jealous!
I've been fighting the fight for six years, and I haven't heard shit from nobody.
BTW, you didn't include the URL.
Send that, so people can see the letter
Damn, I'm jealous...
West Wing Mastermind Busted with Shrooms
I have more respect for him today than yesterday.
I tried mushrooms a few times - never got off.
But how the hell do you get caught with
flying Southwest Airlines from Hollywood to Vegas?
Thanks to frequent contributor Larry McBride
Subject: My little blue friend
Saturday night, I ate one of my little blue
pills so I could attack Liddy.
Sunday, I woke up with wood, so I built a deck from the sliding glass door to the gas grill on the patio.
Thought you'd want to know.
PS. Your Britney Spears Oscars joke was
not funny, and you forgot to capitalize "Leader.".
Bob, thanks for sharing.
The Weakest Link
This is just bad TV.
Stupid, stupid show that I'll bet bombs big-time.
Sure, Monday's show might've gotten ratings, because NBC spent multi-millions
promoting the stupid show, but I'm betting America tuned out on droves.
The contestants can't understand what the
Laura-clone is saying.
How can you have a time-sensitive Q & A if you can't understand what she's saying?
It's not how much you know, it's how fast you can spit it out.
Too much haggling, voting and back-stabbing.
On Survivor, we get to know the people, and it works a little better.
On Weak Link, they encourage people to be as tacky as Laura.
Trust me, the contestants have no business getting into heavy sarcasm.
It just doesn't work.
Apparently, the show's entire "hook" is
the catty remarks from the snippy bitch.
I predict that'll get old really, really fast.
The last sentence heard before they signed off was a loser contestant
"I got cheated out of a lot of money."
Hey, Honey, I got cheated out of a hour of my life.
I say this show's a dog.
We already have a harpy bitch in this country - we don't need to import one.
Subject: You were right again!!
You wrote this (below) two weeks ago after seeing
Spencer on a Sunday morning talk show.
I laughed too, since I understood exactly what he meant when he said it.
(And I never got the benefit of a Catholic education!)
>FROM ISSUE 442:
> "Our energy policies will result in less energy demand and a greater energy supply."
> -- Spencer Abraham, who didn't know he was Arabic until
> another minority in his cabinet to compete with Clinton's diversity.
> This is true.
> Mark your calendar.
> A Smirk administration official has told the truth.
> Even a Catholic with an IQ of 64 knows that if you triple the price of gasoline,
> demand will go down and the supply will rise.
> Similarly, if you triple the current price of natural gas, demand
will go down and the supply will rise.
> So, the Smirk Administration is telling us it's a win-win situation:
> The consumers get gouged to death and BIG OIL enjoys triple the profits.
> Besides, fuck the poor, they didn't vote for Smirk, anyway.
Today I heard on the radio that price estimates
for gasoline in California this summer should hit $3.00 a gallon.
Seems like Big Oil understood Spencer also.
Gas prices in CT have increased 14¢ in one week!
It is funny though…only yesterday I heard that
the OPEC nations had not stuck to their agreed quotas
and had actually pumped more than they had stated! So much for the rules of supply and demand.
From your #1 fan in CT,
Joe, ask not what your country can do for you.
Ask what you can do for Smirky's campaign contributors in BIG OIL.
When I read that story about the Larry Klayman Cruise from hell,
you know the one,
Dalrimple the fisherman, Gennifer Flowers and Morgan Brittany and Larry himself (R-No Dick)
regaling the crowd with intimate tales of Clinton's cock.
Larry said Gennifer, since she's such a talented singer, would peform in the lounge for the cruise.
I wrote a story to go with that, but in the end, wasn't up to
the high standards
you've become accustomed to on bartcop.com (cough) so I killed the story, but
I just can't resist running a picture of Gennifer's stage partner, Sparky the Snake.
If you've never seen Gennifer and Sparky on stage, theyrock.
It's better than David Copperfield, the way she makes Sparky partially disappear.
(I can't give details, children may be reading.)
If you're unable to make that cruise because of a previous engagement,
you can always catch Gennifer in the Super 8 Motel in Malvern, Arkansas
The Simpsons (the cartoon, not OJ's family) continues to be funny
I have a joke here that you may have seen, but never saw.
We taped some TV shows while we were at the gym tonight.
When I got home, I discovered I'd accidentally taped the Simpson's episode
where George Herbert-Herbert Bush moved in next to the Simpsons.
In the story, Bart (no relation) was being a Dennis the Menace-style
pest to Smirk Daddy.
Smirk Daddy was in his garage writing his memoirs when Bart dropped by.
Just as Herbert finished the last page, Bart turned on an inboard/outboard motor,
(That's why he was writing in the garage, to set up the why-the-Evinrude-was-nearby joke)
and the motor tore up Herbert's just-finished memoirs - chewing the pages in ten thousand pieces.
What you remember seeing was this:
But a large chunk of paper flew before the camera, just for a
This is what you would've seen if that piece of paper had attracted your attention,
and knowing how Groening often gives you a great joke for a just a second
and you had the good fortune to be taping at the time,
and you had the inclination to back the tape up and see what the joke was.
This is what you would've seen:
This was only on the screen for a micro-second.
I wish I could be that subtle.
It takes a lot of balls and a lot of restraint to hide a joke that only one of 1,000 people might catch.
A shot of Chinaco for Matt Groening and his great comic understatement.
One last thought - right now, I'd trade President Weak & Stupid for Dan Quayle any day.
Subject: your web sites
I'm a little worried about someone that has spent
so much time in the pursuit of degrading another.
It seems to put you on the same level as Rush.
Sunday was Easter.
The celebration of Jesus Christ's resurrection.
Life is short.
Who cares about Rush?
Hey, go fuck yourself, Easterboy.
You accused me of being lower than Rush,
so shove your fake Easter cheer up your ass.
Fuck you a second time.
The GOP just stole an election, and you want me to smile cause it's
Thank God some of us are fighting back.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.