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 Quotes

 "A lot of people have been calling asking if they can sell T-shirts and buttons.
  We have no control over what they sell. We're just asking that it be in very good taste."

   - Judith Anderson, mayor of Terre Haute, Ind., on preparations for
     Timothy (Government is the problem) McVeigh's execution.

Smirk's Headline:  Spy Plane Talks End on a Positive Note

For Smirk, the whore press carried the water.
If Clinton was still president, that headline would read: Plane Talks Fail

BEIJING (Reuters) - After a disastrous start, China-U.S. talks on the spy plane row ended
on a positive note on Thursday with the U.S. side calling them "very productive.''

U.S. negotiator Peter Verga said China had finally allowed discussion of Washington's demand
for the return of its top-secret $80 million EP-3 surveillance plane.
Beijing's initial refusal to discuss the issue almost scuttled the talks after the first day on Wednesday.
 

No doubt, the begging and grovelling isn't working as well the second time.

That Pop Quiz

Subject: The picture is Columba Bush, right?

Your "pled guilty when caught" and "first pew" clues lead me to believe it's
Columba Bush (R-Furs and Jewelry smuggler)

BTW, the Jeb Bush family *is* Catholic.

FanOfKOAM

Fan, of course, you are correct.

Y'know, there are always a coupla dozen rants in my small brain.
One I haven't gotten to until now is switching religions to get married.

If you, the reader, have done this, it's not aimed at you, OK?
But what kind of faith can you have that can be turned on & off?

Example:
Say I was single, and a devout Catholic, and I meet Joltin' Josie Maran

Well, Josie falls for the BartCop charm and says, "Take me, BartCop!"
So I start putting the moves on her and she says, "Not until we're married."

Fine.
I whip out the Platinum card and we're on our way to Vegas before she sobers up.
But during the flight, she says, "Of course, you have to turn Southern Baptist or the deal's off."

What?

Remember, I'm a devout Catholic.
She's asking me to choose between her and God.
How do you give up a lifetime of faith for some hot babe?
I mean, the closest I could get would be turning Country for Shania Twain.

How do people like Jeb Bush sacrifice their God for a girlfriend?

 Quotes

 "Everybody said when Bill Clinton was gone, I'd have nothing to talk about.
   Well, I guess I've proven how wrong you people were."
     -- El Pigbo, explaining why he talked about front-loading washing machines over
         top-loading machines for two hours yesterday.

 Smirk denies student aid to drug offenders
  A healthy, angry rant from  cbix@home.com

 Click  Here

 Koresh, have you ever seen a more dead-on political cartoon?

From: Odious@home.com

Subject: Help Wanda Sykes win Best female Stand Up

BartCop,
I know you really like Wanda Sykes.
She's one of the nominees for the viewer's choice american comedy award
for best female stand up.  The awards show will air on april 25th on Comedy Central.

http://www.comedycentral.com/aca/full_list.shtml

To vote for her (votes which will be counted) call the number below.

Wanda Sykes
1-900-933-4006 and press 3

It costs 60 cents per call.

 The Leg
  by BSmasher@flash.net

 Click  Here

President Clinton:  Tell me what you need.

Governor Keating: Mr. President, we need everything.

From: gcnews@runestone.net

Subject: Cheney

Bartcop,
    The long evil grasping fingers of Uncle Dick reached Minnesota yesterday.
There was an interesting news story about the upcoming Senate race in which Paul Wellstone
(the last good Democrat) will be facing off against the best the repugs can find.

Well it seems State Rep. Tom Pawlenty has been lusting after higher office and was about to declare
himself a candidate for the repug nomination, but he got a call from Cheney telling him to forget about
his Senate plans, the higher ups have chosen Nick Coleman as their guy.

Coleman is the mayor of St. Paul. The guy used to be a Democrat but felt he was being ignored in the
land of true liberals and switched to the repug side. Two years ago he ran for Governor and lost to
Jesse Ventura. He has had a hard time getting over it. Anyway, the best part of this whole story is,
Pawlenty calls a press conference, which everybody thought was going to be his announcement that
he was seeking the Senate nomination.

Instead he tells the story about Uncle Dick calling him and says something like,
"Well you can't say no to the vice president. Heck I'll run for something else instead."
Then one of the higher ups in the Minnesota repug party comes on and is mad as hell, saying
"Dick Cheney doesn't have any business meddling in our affairs. He doesn't know anything about Minnesota repugs."

So It looks like, to me, Uncle Dick just guaranteed the re-election of the last good Democrat, Paul Wellstone!
Thank you, Uncle Dick!

C. A. Ray

Sub Captain To Lose Job, Avoid Jail
Smirk protected at all costs. Fund-Raising Scandal Swept Under the Rug,
Whore Press Looks other way.
Cmdr. Waddle will be forced from the service, Navy sources say.
After all, there were only nine dead.

Full Sad Story

Excerpt:
Adm. Thomas Fargo, commander of the Pacific Fleet, will conclude that the deadly collision
between the submarine and a Japanese trawler was the result of unprofessional conduct by
Cmdr. Scott Waddle and sonar analyst Patrick Seacrest.

Fargo, who wasn't there at the time of the crash, has decided that the 16 Republican contributors
were not responsible for the collision.
 

President Weak & Stupid escapes again.
Good thing the fawning press refuses to ask questions, isn't it, Smirky?

 Invasion of the Individual Liberty Snatchers!
  by James Higdon

 Click Here

 Ask BartCop

 From: president@whitehouse.gov

 Dear BartCop:

 Is it true that prolonged cocaine esu aucses dxysliea?

 inSreylec,

 W.
 

 W, my sources say "Yes."

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,  bartcop.com
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.