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"I've eaten more than 18,000 quarter-pounders
with cheese from McDonalds."
-- El Pigbo, trying to make a point with his stroke-addled mind, third hour today.
Rumor no longer
Subject: CSI and the other BC
Have gotten about a dozen missives today about
Bill Clinton being on CSI.
But, that's old news to regular readers of BCE --
In 'The National Enquirer', the ever-fabulous
Mike Walker has 2 really interesting bits of gossip.
1. - Anthony Edwards (Dr. Walker on 'ER') is going to buy the farm with a Fatal Stroke
(a tribute to Pigboy?) during February sweeps....and
I think I'd rather
see this than the Clinton C.S.I. episode.
Next to President Never-worked-a-day-in-his-life,
has anyone ever gotten more of a free ride than Anthony Edwards?
2. - The Big Dog, himself, Bill Clinton has signed
to make his acting debut on 'CSI'
where he plays the head of a law firm.
I confess - there have been days when I failed to check
...but I was the first to figure out why Clinton took the gig :)
Subject: Be very afraid
Check out the second item - a quote from ol' Adolph.
Change the name from Hitler to Bush and be afraid.
Be very afraid.
Any proof of drug use on the part of the Republican front-runner has eluded
the rumor-crazed press thus far. So, in pursuit of the true grit on this latest charge,
Nothing Personal got on the horn with Madge Bush.
Once again, Clinton's "I didn't inhale" was good for nine
years of ridicule by the press,
but Governor Smirk's CERTAIN sentence doing community service and inability to answer
"Have you even committed a cocaine felony?" got hardly a peep from the press.
When Mr. Rove gives orders to bury a story, the press screams, "How deep?"
Installs Anti-Question Shield Around Ari Fleischer
Prevents any non-approved questions from getting thru.
Could Be a Single Line
by Vermont Bear
The further question that begs an answer is what would a sitting president have to fear from the release of
the papers of a predecessor? We could guess what Mr. Bush has to fear from Mr. Reagan's papers.
If I for one should venture to do so would I doubt concern for real national security issues would be the case.
I would further venture to guess that the personal liability of some present members of Mr. Bush's cabinet
and Mr. Bush's father the prior president Bush is more at stake here than national security.
Y'know, this is really a white-hot story, but the press
is just too afraid to mention it.
A sitting president engaged in a cover-up right under our noses and the whore press is
either afraid to anger Mr. Rove (or too dependent on Bush) to even ask why...
by Maureen Dowd She hates everybody - today it's our military
We've been trying to use the Northern Alliance to lure the Taliban out of holes so we can drop 15,000-pound
Daisy Cutter bombs on them. These proxies, who smoke and complain more than they fight, can help. But they are
not the key to victory. Our military plan has been too much of a political plan. So far we have been trying to do it
on the cheap, with minimal risk, putting off the prospect of ground forces until the last possible moment.
Subject: Terrorism struck 9_11 or was it really 11_9?
I was at an "inservice" at my college the other
day (I call Inservice "HELL" as do many of my colleagues.)
Naturally, much of the discussion turned to the heinous events of 9_11 and I had a reactionary and
radical thought that brought me back to my college days at Grinnell and, man, it felt good: wasn't the
real damage done to our country on 11_9? Wasn't that the day that the SCOTUS told us:
votes? we don't need to count no votes!
"The rest," as we say in Iowa (where pigs outnumber people), "is history."
Muslims hate pork, n'est pas? (OOPS! Can
a recovering Catholic with an IQ of 64 understand French?)
What I meant to say was Muslims hate pork, isn't that right?
If that's true then IOwa is the most secure place to live.
I know we could use some more people up here, particularly in Western Iowa,
also known as the "51st state." Fine Tequila is available but pricey.
Thanks again, Bart, for your web site.
I agree with another's assessment: yours is addicting and a great way to start the day.
AND US SPY AGENTS SAY BUSH SPIKED
BIN LADEN PROBES BEFORE 11 SEPTEMBER
Officials told to 'back off' on Saudis before September 11
by Greg Palast and David Pallister
Of course, the American press will cover this up for for George AGAIN.
Subject: Big Dog cast in C.S.I.
Thought you'd like this. Hope it's true.
According to the movie/TV news & rumor
site Dark Horizons,
Bill Clinton has been cast as the head of a law firm on CSI.
Not sure if it's a one time deal or a recurring part.
I hope Tally's sitting down when she reads this.
Gee, I wonder why Big Dog would choose that show?
Dave Letterman won his sixth Emmy for the Grey Goose show.
As reviewed right here on bartcop.com it was the episode where Dave had on
some Cheffy guy and they had a bottle of Grey Goose on both sides of the table
so the camera would catch it no matter what the angle.
The way I remember it (and what they showed Sunday night) was
Dave asked Paul
to come over and try the food but instead, Paul grabbed the Grey Goose and threw his
head back and it seemed like he really drank some because his Adam's apple bobbed.
Anyway, when he was done chugging, he fell to the ground, and
and that's the episode they sent to the Emmy committee or whatever that group is.
"So when Ellen was leaning over Steve
Martin Sunday night at the Emmy's,
all I could think of was that they've both had sex with Anne Heche."
-- Dave, with another example of why his numbers are up.
Clooney read bartcop.com?
You might think so - after you read this.
Hereís the problem, and why Iím forced to respond: People are coming up to me
and asking if itís true the telethon was a fraud. That means the next time we try to raise money,
like when the CD from the telethon comes out this month, fewer people will participate.
Because of your unsubstantiated, untrue
statements about the September 11 Fund,
you, Mr. OíReilly will be taking money away that from people who need it
Ö.and all because itís the first week of sweeps.
Clooney has balls.
He's also got the clout to back it up.
(You ready for his Ocean's Eleven with Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, Affleck & Damon,
Andy Garcia, Lennox Louis and ...Carl Reiner? The original with Sinatra is one
of my favorites, and if you don't know the story they rob three casinos at once.)
They wrote a new ending, but you didn't hear this from me. At the very end, the robbery
goes bad when a giant wave surges thru Vegas and Clooney & his friends all drown.
But I'm glad somebody finally had the nerve to tell that shit O'Reilly to shut the hell up.
Subject: Who does the security for Air Force One?
Federal employees-the secret service.
If its good enough for the president why isnt it good enough for the rest of us?
Logically this should settle the argument, but it doesn't seem the republicans
are interested in logic, or public safety.
John, the Republicans also have "federal health care."
But when Bill & Hillary tried to insure everybody the same way,
the GOP screamed "That's socialism!" and the gelding Democrats
ran away from the Clintons and gave the House & Senate to the GOP.
What a bunch of scared bunnies they are.
Sanctions & Government Terrorism
by Tally Briggs
He said it again! Brainiac said "Nucyaler"
in his latest bid to justify his war.
You'd think his speech coaches would have beat at least that word into him by now.
Oh, it gets a lot worse than that...
"This is an evil man that we're
dealing with, and I wouldn't put it past
him to develop evil weapons to try to harm civilization as we know it.''
-- President 2 Stupid 2 B 4 Real
Didn't anybody check his script?
Was Uncle Dick sick yesterday?
Did Condi have a dental appointment?
The NRA must be furious with the Boy King.
After all, weapons aren't evil - are they?
Did you see Britney Spears on Dave last night?
Y'know how I'm always whining about needing a staff?
"No, Bart. Whiner? Not you..."
No, seriously, I thought of an example:
Friday night, Dave had 2-3 really nice jokes in his monolog.
Jay does 30 jokes per monolog, so yeah, he gets 2-3 good ones,
Bill Maher, (is he still on the air?) has a great fast ball,
Jon Stewart is good for 3-4 good shots a night,
...but I can't keep up, can you?
(If you can, please send me your secret)
...what if we had someone watching & taping Dave, Jay, Jon & Bill each night?
- if Dave has a funny, you e-mail the text of the joke to Marty
- if Dave has a big thing, turn your VCR audio into an e-mailable MP3.
- if it's Big-time, historic 9-11 comeback show that defines a career,
we can all catch it if the taper catches it.
same for Leno,
same for Maher, (is he still on?)
same for Steweart,
same for Conan,
same for Kilborn.
We could build an ethically-questionable comedy channel.
Wouldn't it be cool to wake up each day and read the best lines
the top six comics
said on their shows the night before? And before you explain how illegal this is,
we're giving them needed exposure. We may or say not bill them for this publicity.
So let's try to work out a thing where somebody watches &
tapes their favorite show,
then reports if something extra good or funny happens. During or after each show,
if they said something funny, send it in an e-mail to Marty.
Contact her at SuprmChaos@yahoo.com
if you regularly watch and tape one of those shows,
and could have that tape (or at least an e-mail) if something funny or big happens.
Lastly, this isn't life and death.
It's OK if you miss a show sometimes.
This isn't like joining the Marines.
But if you watch and tape any of those shows, consider volunteering
your services to Marty.
We could all use a few extra laughs, right?
Subject: Rush's weight gain
This is from Rush's website today.
Apparently, several people thought Rush has been gaining weight recently.
They know this from viewing the for-hire dittocam he hawks on his site.
I've included links to the pics and the page if he keeps them up.
Keep up the good fight!
From Pigboy's web-site:
"My friends, I better squash a potential rumor before it starts. I have not gained any weight.
What the Rush 24/7 subscribers see on the Dittocam is purely water bloat from all the new
medications I'm taking. I'm on so many darn drugs that I have to carry them around in a sack,
along with a giant piece of paper reminding me what to take when."
Who said all fat men are jolly?
You gotta love that ditto-cam.
The $300M Pigboy enjoys taking MORE money from those gullible sheep,
and then he refuses to turn the camera on because he looks too fat.
The dittocam is about as good a bargain as his rip-off newsletter.
I saw one in a Barnes & Noble and picked it up and read a few pages.
It's a re-hash of his radio shows.
I hear enough of Rush every day to recognize the rants.
The damn newsletter is nothing but partial show transcripts and an interview.
...but they loooooove to give him more millions.
a concert review by Linus
If ignorance were to take the form of a devil...
I got some updates posted, thanks for the plug
We have launched the Thanksgiving page.
I want people's Thanksgiving menus!
Also, see the neato variation on your chicken
recipe done with pork chops.
Talk to you soon,
all your Thanksgiving cooking tips,
and send Michelle your grandma's best recipes!
"MSNBC showed today that the Taliban uses sheep
as mine detectors.
They send the sheep out into the field and if the sheep blows up Ė they have dinner.
If the sheep makes it through alive Ė well, then they have a date!
So you see, it works out perfect."
Former President Clinton was prohibited from boarding a United Airlines
when it was discovered that he had a knife in his back.
Clinton claimed that it had been there for a long time and that he had
forgot about it.
Republicans are demanding an investigation.
Just saw (without detail) our compassionate Attorney
General issuing a Christian decree
that doctors who assist terminally ill, hideously suffering patients in order to expedite their dying,
WILL BE FOUND OUT and PROSECUTED to the fullest extent of the law FOR MURDER.
"Attorney General John Ashcroft directed federal drug agents to take action against doctors
who help terminally ill patients die, a move aimed at undercutting Oregon's unique assisted-suicide law.
Is it beginning?
How will this decree affect the abortion issue?
Isn't it a first step toward that goal?
(Why yes, Bob. It is.)
Ashcroft is religiously insane.
He follows his Bible first, then, if there's any room, he checks the Constitution.
The Democrats knew Ashcroft was insane when they confirmed him.
But they're so damn impressed with how "exclusive" their little club
Ashcroft got a free pass because the Missouri voters wised up too late.
...and why is the out-of-control federal government putting their boots
on the neck
of the voters of Oregon who didn't pass that law by accident?
What happened to state's rights?
Remember Bob Dole used to claim he carried a copy of the 10th Amendment with him
to remind people that the federal government should butt out of people's lives?
But Dole's a whore, so he'll eat that 10th Amendment before he stands up for his beliefs.
We have a new feature...
Teri the Ghost-Chaser
Subject: Why Manachem Begin said he was a terrorist
In 1946, Menachem Begin blew up the King David
to force the British out of Palestine, killing 91, including 15 Jews.
I think that qualifies as terrorism.
Plus this, from Cynthia Boaz
Help support bartcop.com
POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155
the e-mail rounds...
You have just received a Taliban virus.
Since we are not very
technologically advanced in Afghanistan, this is a MANUAL virus.
Please delete all the files on your hard
and send this mail to everyone you know.
Thank you very much for helping me in my effort to destroy western civilization...
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.