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Volume 918 - Uncle Fluffy's Revenge


 Halloween   Oct 31, 2002 


"The California crunch really is the result of not enough power
   to power the power of generating plants."
       -- President Extra-Stupid, trying to make his small brain work

 Board was told of risks before Bush stock sale

  Click  Here

 "One week before Bush's now-famous sale of stock in Harken Energy Corp. in 1990,
 Harken was warned by its lawyers that Bush and other members of the troubled oil company's
 board faced possible insider trading risks if they unloaded their shares.

 The warning from Harken's lawyers came in a legal memorandum whose existence has been
 little noted until now, despite the many years of scrutiny of the Bush transaction. The memo was
 not received by the SEC until the day after the agency decided not to bring insider-trading
 charges against Bush, documents show."

 This is one of those goes-nowhere stories - I don't know why I even run them.

 Bush will never be held accountable for anything because the Democrats are too scared
 to give Bush even five percent of the grief that they gave Bill Clinton - who was elected.

           But Bart, we don't want to be like them.
              Besides, Mr. Rove wouldn't like it...

 Clinton's grade on economics:

 Consumer confidence soars!

 Bush's grade on economics:

 Consumer confidence sours!

 Rush's take:  "Those grades are almost identical."

 Does Aaron Sorkin read back issues of  bartcop.com?

 The opening of last night's great West Wing contained a bartcop.com  staple.
 Those of you who taped it, play the first few minutes and compare Toby's answer to:

 From waaaaaay back in Volume 162 - They All Look the Same to Rush

> Remember when that punk-ass Bernard Shaw asked Democratic
> presidential nomiee Michael Dukakis during the 1988 debate,
> "What would you do to the man who raped and murdered your wife?"

> Dukakis kicked the dirt and said, "Capital punishment is wrong,"
> which made him look weak and indifferent to his wife's murder.

> Of course, the correct answer to that particular question is,
> "I'd dismember the slug limb-by-limb with my own goddamn hands,"
> but that's why they don't let the widower sit on the jury.

 Hey, Aaron, take what you want, use what you need.
 ...but if you keep this up, you might owe me a trip to LA top meet the cast.

 Another West Wing note:
 I said yesterday that Sorkin would show Gore how he should've handled Dim Son.

"If you're going to take the hit for being an elite know-it-all anyway, you might as well
  prove to the viewing audience that you really are smarter than the idiot Governor."


"We want our teachers to be trained so they can meet
  the obligations; their obligations as teachers.
  We want them to know how to teach the science of reading.
  In order to make sure there's not this kind of federal cufflink."
   -- Dubya, trying to communicate with middle schoolers in Milwaukee

 Another blow against Ashcroft
  Judges rule for "less government," which Ashcroft hates

  Click  Here

 A federal appeals court ruled for the first time Tuesday that the government
 cannot revoke doctors' prescription licenses for recommending marijuana to sick patients.

 A three-judge panel of the 9th Circuit unanimously found that Ashcroft's policy of
 playing doctor interferes with the free-speech rights of real doctors and patients.

 Ashcroft and the Republicans claim they want less government, but they're lying.
 They want to use the power of the federal government to swoop down on places like Oregon
 and take away the voters' right to make their own choices on how to live and die.

 They want to use the power of the federal government to swoop down on places like California
 and take away the voters' right to make their own choices on which medicines will help them
 cope with the effects of chemotherapy and glaucoma.

 John Ashcroft and the Republican party are liars.

 They don't want less government.
 They want to control every American citizen.

 Let's hope this doesn't make it to the crooked Supreme Court.
 They're on the B.F.E.E. payroll and will rule the way George pays them to rule.


 Bart, I like your page.
 Stay out of small aircraft, OK?

 G Clark

 Halloween flashback from Volume 107 - GOP's, Tramps and Thieves

> Kenneth Starr, one of Paula Jones's attorneys, threw a Halloween costume party
> for his big tobacco clients.   Our girl Paula Jones was there to entertain the men.

> She came dressed as a "Knob Goblin."

> I hear she stayed in character all night.


 "If a person is caught lying, how do we know their entire life isn't a lie?"
     -- Laura the Unloved, first hour today

 Uh, Laura, aren't you guilty of lying?
 You told Bill O'Reilly "I don't remember spreading my legs for that camera."

 That's a lie, Laura.
 You remember spreading your legs for that camera and you know it.

 More proof:

 You did this when you were 29, so you have declared,
 "Once a person hits 30, they are a fully develeoped adult with responsibilities."

 As the Church Lady used to say, "How conveeeenient."

 So, according to Laura's rules -
 She was caught lying, so her entire life is a lie.

 ha ha

 The vulgar pigboy is still pissed as hell about the Wellstone Memorial service.

 Wednesday, second hour, Hie Porkness whined, "The Democrats got a three hour
 commercial out of that - and the Republicans had no chance for a response."

 Yeah, the poor GOP has no chance to get their message out.

  Tim's Trophy Wife
    by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here


 No excerpt!

 The entire column is one great excerpt after another
 This is must reading.
 It's the first "double-hot" in  bartcop.com  history

 Go, Gene!

 Subject: It's Still The Economy Stupid

 When he took office in 2001, George W. Bush inherited the strongest economy in American history.
 He inherited the largest federal budget surplus in American history, and the prospect of paying off the
 entire national debt in just eight years. He inherited a strong dollar and sound fiscal policy. He inherited
 a nation whose economy was so strong that commentators who just a decade before were predicting
 American decline were now complaining about American dominance.

 And yet, Dubya blew it.
 Squandered everything he'd inherited from President Clinton.

 We thought if Junior was good at anything, it was inheriting things.

 Don't be surprised if Republicans feel a tremendous backlash on November 5th,
 for these failed economic policies of the present administration.

 Jim in Rochester, MI


"Which side shall prevail in this epic electoral tilt? Who shall control the future of fortress America?
 Will we be, as the Republicans desire, a nation of wealthy, heavily armed white men, befouling the air
 and water in a ceaseless quest for profit, beholden to no laws but those of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
 Or shall we instead embrace the Democrats' vision of a namby-pamby quasi-socialist Republic with an
 all-homosexual army, flamboyantly defending a citizenry suckling at the foul teat of government welfare?
 The choice is yours fair maiden America, for the name of this feudal system is democracy."
        —Stephen Colbert, from the "Daily Show's" coverage of "Indecision 2002"

 El Rojo: The Hijacking  Pt 4
 CIA Plot or Temporary Insanity?
     A true story by Christian Livemore

  Click  Here

“There are itches that only Special Forces can scratch.”
    -- Former Special Forces commander Lieutenant General Bill Yarborough

 The CIA had an all-consuming itch in the 1960s — to eliminate Fidel Castro, or
 if they could not do that, to depose him as “El Commandante” of Cuba.
 When the CIA had an itch to scratch, they often called on Special Forces

  click to order


"Look at Paul Wellstone. The only Democrat up for re-election with the stones to vote
 against Bush's use of force resolution. And Wellstone moved up in the polls at the time.
 Turns out people actually want a Democrat, not a Republican-lite. My prayer is that
 Senator Wellstone's death will light a fire under his fellow Democrats here in Washington
 to start acting like Democrats again."
  -- Paul Begala, as seen on the Buzzflash Interview, buzzflash.com, 10/30/02

 It happened again

 These days, I just check the PO Box once a week or so.
 I checked it Wednesday night and look here!

 It was a giant envelope from a law firm in Decatur, Alabama.
 I thought, "Cool! Somebody wants a piece of Ol' Bart in court!"

 I got all excited about the prospects of a big-ass lawsuit - but ...it was not to be.
 One of the lawyers at the firm reads  bartcop.com  and he was sending me a video tape
 that I've been wanting to see.   So, ...there's no lawsuit, ...no day in court, ...nothing.


 I know in my heart that if I keep at it, if I keep calling Laura Schlessinger an unprincipled whore
 who posed spread-legged for a man not her husband, if I point out that Rush  is a grifter who steals
 money from the stupidest ditto-monkeys in America and laughs about it, if I continue to point out that
 Bush paid for an abortion for a 15-year old girl at Twelve Oaks Hospital in Houston, TX
 (now known as the Bayou City Medical Center), ...I just know if I keep telling the truth, at some
 point the flying-monkey right might have the balls to call me on it, ...but nooooooooooo.

 Unlike England, where they sued Greg Palast for telling the goddamn truth, in America you can't
 lose a civil trial for telling the plain and simple truth, so I've been missing out on some court action.

 I promise to defend myself while sipping fine tequila.
 If cameras aren't allowed, I'll sneak a mini-cam in and webcast it.

  If Republicans Retake the Senate

 I'm afraid of what might happen if Republican control both the Senate and the House.
 That happened for the first several months of the Bush presidency and during that short time
 they passed huge tax cuts for the super-rich shifting the tax burden to the middle class and
 turning the surplus into a deficit. It wasn't until control switched back to the Democrats that
 the price of gas and energy stopped climbing and came back to reasonable levels.

 The Republican party is clearly in the pocket of big oil, the super-rich, and the multi-national
 corporations and those who would oppress the very freedoms and liberties that define America.
 Things have gotten a lot worse in the last two years and I am afraid that if the Republicans win
 both houses of Congress that our future will be even darker than it is today.

 Marc Perkel
 San Francisco, CA.
 Darwin loves you!


 "It's the right thing to do."
    -- Tiger Woo     apparently reversing his earlier position on the Augusta matter.

  I think it's a cheap ploy to placate me into lifting the BartCop Hex.

 But, hey, ...Tiger, ...I might be a polician someday, so let's you and me make a little deal.

 Today is October 31, 2002.
 There are 61 days left in the year.

 Between now and the close of business 2002, if you donate at least a million dollars to
 the United Negro College Fund, (Please God, make that a current reference),  I will agree
 to lift the BartCop Hex for a one year probation period ending New Year's Eve 2003.

 So, all you gotta do is a throw a million their way, and I'll lift BartCop Hex which should
 net you about six major titles this summer. Hey, it's not like I'm paying you big bucks to turn whore.
 I'm just asking you to reverse your Rush-friendly, pro-discrimination course AND be champ again.

 Wouldn't you like to be the champ again, Tiger?
 Wouldn't you like to be back on top?
 Or do you want to continue to wallow in mediocrity the rest of your career?

 The choice is yours, my man.
 Just do it.

 Intelligent Criticism

  Click  Here

 Death of a decent man....
  by Alan Bisbort

 Click  Here

"...Within an hour of Wellstone's death, Reuters released a story headlined
 "Short Term Bonds Up on Wellstone Death." Wall Street analysts were quoted
 saying that his death would assure a Republican takeover of the U.S. Senate.

 A "shift of power," as it were. How can any thinking, feeling person align
 themselves with a party that tacitly cheers the death of a U.S. senator?"

 But Alan, it's worse than that.  I'm certain that seat will remain Democratic,
 so those "Wall Steet analysts" are joining in on a false circle jerk.

Imagine Newt's funeral...

Senator Paul Wellstone, a passionate man whose politics were his life, had a funeral that celebrated that life.
Wingers panicked and pounced, ruthlessly calling the memorial a debasement of, well, just about everything.
But imagine the shoe on the other foot. Take an imaginary trip to Newt Gingrich's funeral.
Would there be political supporters lauding his passion and diligence in furthering their causes?
Of course.

Would wingers eulogize him by saying the best way to remember him would be to win the next election for Republicans? Without a doubt.

Would the (largely imaginary) leftists in the press spend a few days cutting the guy some slack,
even finding nice things to say about him? Absolutely.
So what would be different at Newt's day of reckoning?
Two things. First, though his political opponents would doubtless be relieved to be rid of the thorn,
they wouldn't bray about it all over the fucking media. Second, Ann Coulter would use the excuse to
write something shamelessly slanderous about Hillary. No, she's already doing that with Wellstone.

I guess there's only the one difference, then.
The Bean Magazine


"I'm Mandy Slutzker from Plymouth, Minnesota. And I spent my entire summer volunteering
 for Senator Paul Wellstone's reelection campaign.  I would like to clarify that yesterday was
 not a funeral. The funeral was held on Monday at Temple Israel, and it was closed to media.
 Yesterday was a celebration of Paul's wonderful life and his commitment to public service."
       --Mandy Slutzker, Crossfire, 10/30/02

Subject: Mondull?

Hey Bart,

Isn't it funny that Rush can spout on about 'Old Cadavers' when the repugnicans
have been putting Helms and Thurmond back in office over and over again.

If anyone is a cadaver, its Thurmond.

 Wellstone’s Legacy: A Life of Principle
    by Joe Conason

   Click  Here

 Much has been made of the fact that as a Senator, he often found himself at the
 short end of a 99-1 roll call. He took pride in that principled obstinacy. But whenever
 he talked about his own record, Wellstone put equal emphasis on the work he
 accomplished with more conventional Democrats and with Republicans as well.
 Greens and other leftish poseurs often denounced his pragmatism, as if the aim
 of a liberal in Congress should be to annoy colleagues and achieve nothing.

click for more Pieman

 Take my day job - please!

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