...read by Homeland Security.
POLITICS-SARCASM-FINE
TEQUILA-VEGAS
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Quotes
''We will not permit a dictator who has used
weapons of mass destruction
to threaten America with chemical,
biological or nuclear weapons
This great nation will not live at
the mercy of any foreign plot or power.''
-- President Duncil
George, tell us how to overcome domestic threats from a rich crime family!
Media treats King George II like royalty
Excerpt:
"Consider Tuesday night: 36 governorships were
up for election. Only one contest mattered on TV,
the re-election of Jeb Bush. Repeatedly,
CNN broke to the White House for small details of how
the president was reacting to network predictions
of his younger brother's win. Shots of a proud
Poppy brought in live coverage of his son's
victory speech. The next hour featured a Jeb Bush interview...
...Bush II, through an array of considerations,
blandishments and manipulation made over our nation's
elite media from watchdog to lapdog."
Gee, ...ya think?
After two years, somebody noticed the obvious
Election
2002
Analysys by PBS's Bill Moyers
Excerpt:
"...for the first time in the memory of
anyone alive, the entire federal government — the Congress,
the Executive, the Judiciary — is united
behind a right-wing agenda for which George W. Bush
believes he now has a mandate. That
mandate includes the power of the state to force pregnant
women to give up control over their own
lives. It includes using the taxing power to transfer
wealth from working people to the rich."
Hmmm, ...how
did this Al Qaeda get on our airwaves?
We don't
allow dissent anymore.
This
is Field Marshall Ashcroft.
I need
a secret torture chopper over at PBS HQ right away.
This
Moyers fella needs a testicle massage - Ashcroft-style.
Election will make life better -- for the rich
Excerpt:
Americans have just voted for a cartel
economy, whether they realize it or not.
They've reinforced the power of a corporate
and political elite that serves itself first,
and cares little for average people. Get
ready for some dizzying times as the members
of the crony-capitalism crowd - and the
politicians they lead by the nose or who themselves
are members of the club - run even more
roughshod than usual over tradition and liberty.
Subject: Bush Popularity
If Bush is sooooo popular why are all his
appearances carefully staged "by invitation only"?
We need to ask this question to all the
whores touting Dim Son's popularity.
G. Powers
Excerpt:
For all those who, like me, feel that November
6, 2002 is much like December 13, 2000
(Gore's concession speech) and September
11, 2001,] it's time to stop the hand wringing
and get to serious work to save this nation
from certain disaster. But first, some background
on families and conspiracies to commit
crimes.
...when Bush was first told about the planes
striking the World Trade Center and we all saw him
nod his head as if he already knew and
when he seemed more engaged in listening to a seven-year-old
girl talk about her freaking pet goat,
it all now makes sense. He pushed the Taliban and they pushed back.
For this Bush, this war would be worldwide,
it would last forever. Unlike his Daddy, his popularity ratings
would remain high, he would have political
coat tails, and he would be re-elected.
Quotes
"I have no greater responsibility than protecting
the American people."
-- President Pinhead on Veterans
day
Hey, Smirk!
Just like in Texas, you hold the record for "most dead" on your
watch.
If your job is protecting America, you're the worst president
in history.
Subject: A National Disgrace
I've already posted these sentiments to
a couple of discussion groups, and
responses from the right have been deafening
in their silence.
On arguably the most solemn national holiday
we have, George W. Bush (R-AWOL),
the only President in modern history to
actually *advocate* initiating a war (and for the
most transparent reasons), used his obligatory
appearance at Arlington National
Cemetery to do what? Pay tribute
to America's honored dead?
No.
He used it as an opportunity to promote
his PRO-WAR agenda.
He actually stood among the ghosts of America's
fallen soldiers and continued his hard-sell
to America of another war, insulting the
memory of those who served, and trivializing the
deaths of those who sacrificed their very
lives for the sake of peace.
Dismay and disgust aside, I seem to remember,
not so long ago, a whole bunch of
Republicans braying their outrage over
the politicizing of a certain memorial service.
Where's that outrage today?
Clave in Seattle
As long as the good puppy press follows Mr. Rove's orders,
the only outrage you'll be able to find is on the internet or
overseas.
Dirt on Nader
The dirty laundry list on Nader includes the following topics:
a HUGE hypocrite -- just another politician -- Anti-democratic
authoritarian
-- secret luxury house -- owned by the trial lawyers' lobby --
busted a union
among his workers -- abuses workers -- amassing millions of dollars
and playing
the stock market with it -- secrecy and stonewalling -- vindictive
toward critics
-- forced "contributions" to his college PIRG groups -- hypochondriac
for more Click Here and Click Here and Click Here
It's also worth noting that, when he ran for president in 1996,
Nader refused to file
the financial disclosure forms required by law, only did so reluctantly
in 2000, and then
filed them late, after having gotten an extension of time from
the FEC.
You can find the Ethics in Government Act disclosure if you
Click
Here
Thanks to all who sent links
Some people hang a wreath,
and some people hang a referee...
According to Yahoo News, this is
Joe Paterno's front door in State College, PA
Subject: bart cop
Sir,
I was losing faith in the people of America
before I read your article on Paul Wellstone.
Thank God (no definition) there are still
good people striving for honest democracy.
My sincere condolences to all Americans who grieve the loss of a true American patriot.
Wal Cooper
Australia.
Today in History
November 12, 1997:
Ramzi Yousef was convicted in New York
of masterminding
the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center.
History must be lying.
Rush and Hannity and every whore at Fox News says Clinton never
took any action.
They've put their reputations on the line that Clinton
"allowed" them to go unpunished.
Why is history lying to us?
November 12, 1992:
In his first formal post-election news
conference, President-elect Clinton
presented a detailed blueprint for action
once he took office and promised
his administration would have the strictest
ethical guidelines in history.
...and he delivered - want proof?
(Say yeah!)
Subject: Roger Hedgehog - Convicted Felon
bc:
Just in case you didn't already know, Rush's
sanctimonious (not to mention felonious)
scumbag fill-in friend, Hedgehog, was convicted
on both conspiracy and perjury charges
and forced to resign as mayor back in the
80's.
'Ol Roger sure has got a lot of nerve talking
smack about Bill Clinton (not convicted,
not forced to step down) with his criminal
record and shameful resignation but that's
typical of the pious repugnicans.
Read
more of the lurid details here
Take care,
Dave
HP CEO Carly Fiorina and HP President Mike Capellas hold up HP logos
after sucessfully getting one of their printers to work with Windows
XP.
Afterwards, they bought cars for the senior staffers to celebrate.
Subject: Thank you!!!!!
Dear Bart-
Thank you for the beautiful Veterans Day
issue with the picture of Betty Grable at the end.
My 80-year-old father was wounded at Guadacanal
and still has shrapnel in his left arm
and shoulder that sets off security alarms
at airports.
You have become my number one favorite site.
Karen B
Karen, thanks.
I was too sick to come to work yesterday, (the file was at work)
so I was unable to post this.
Veterans
Day
by Christopher Brian Eargle
In Remembrance
Quotes
"A new regime would bring deliverance
to Iraq's citizens.
-- President Quayle for Brains,
Veterans day
But George, the Iraqi people have already been bent over a log.
The Best of bartcop.com
I got an e-mail from Toni
asking what we had planned for upcoming Issue 1000.
She suggested a "Best Of" issue with the bits from the
past 925 issues, and she volunteered
to receive, colate and compile the best stuff from waaay back
when bartcop.com was funny.
If you saw a good or funny piece send the name of it and the issue # it was in to Toni at
If you want your name listed (or not) mention that to her, too.
Report: Sperm Quality Poorer in Rural Men
Excerpt:
Men who live in rural parts of the United
States have poorer sperm quality
than men in urban areas, a new study contends,
and farm pesticides may be to blame.
Is that why Smirk & Snarl carried all the rock & coyote
states?
Serious sidebar:
I heard a report that young black women
are experiencing puberty nine months sooner than
their counterparts twenty years ago. That's
scary as hell, and I'm pretty sure about those numbers.
If that trend continues, in 100 years,
girls will be in puberty four years earlier than today.
Of course, the poison Bush's friends are
pumping into the environment CAN'T be a factor,
so George should conitnue to accept those
multi-million dollar bribes from Monsanto because,
after all, millions of pregnant nine-year
olds wouldn't be a problem - would it?
November 12, 1942
US Marines on Guadalcanal surround Japanese forces along the
Gavaga Creek, killing 450 enemy soldiers.
6000 men from the Americal Division reinforce the US forces on
Guadalcanal.
Click Here for more
So tacky and sensational, it could only be from a Drudge link
'Royal Rapist' servant is named
Excerpt:
Charles is said to be "shattered" and "in
deep despair" after being told that his
ex-valet Mr Smith had gone on record claiming
he had been raped.
His claims are said to be contained in
the so-called "rape tape" made by Princess Diana.
In a related story:
Rupert Murdoch, Fox News owner and
the biggest false-story producer in the world,
was hospitalized for what London doctors
described as a "serious case of the giggles."
Doctors were unable to get the old codger
under control at press time.
Bush gets
head from Ari
Stars
risk popularity for politics
A collection of lies and horseshit by Michael Medved (R-slut)
Y'know, we expect lies from Rush, Hannity, George Will,
Tim Russert ad nauseum
but I hate it when these "moralistic" whores like Medved, Laura
and Bill Bennett spew their loads.
They act like they're not "in the ring," they're just "nuetral
observers" just giving us "the facts."
This Medved slimeball is such a liar and a fraud.
He says Barbara Streisand has embarrassed herself and Oliver
Stone and Alec Baldwin have hurt
their careers by speaking out on Democratic issues. He says West
Wing ratings are down because people
don't like my good friend Martin Sheen's activism, but
as always, it's a clumsy lie told by a huckster.
Lets check the careers of Hollywood's elite-right to see how their careers are doing:
Magnum - take away his gig five years ago on Friends, and
what's the former Marlboro Man done lately?
Shannen Doughtery - take away Jay and Silent Bob - have
you seen her lately?
Major Dad - always at the top of everybody's want
list.
Drew Carey - his show was renewed because last-place ABC
is in deep trouble
Chuck Heston - for those of you under 50, he used to be
a Reagan-caliber actor
Bruce Willis - granted, gets some work
Bo Derek - not much work lately for the perrenial Oscar
winner (that's mean - I'm sorry)
Marilyn Manson - always a crowd pleaser for the Evangelical
Christians
Ted Nugent - isn't he playing birthday parties now?
Phillip Morris - who's famous for killing more people
than Bush
Arnold Black Plowman - hasn't had a hit since when, ...1992
with T-2?
The Oak Ridge Boys - are they still a group?
Johnny Morris - world champion bass fisherman; (ha
ha, I have no shame)
Rosie the Whore - recently lost her talk show, her magazine,
her credibility and her fan base
Pat Boone - who had last had a hit record in 1961
(By the way, I have nude pictures of Doherty, Derek, Willis, Arnold
and Boone,
and pictures of Magnum in white short pants, which may be even
worse).
So it looks like Mikey might by lying.
Hey, Mikey - why are you such a whore?
Why can't you tell the truth?
Are you, ...like, ...stupid or something, Mikey?
Why did you try to build an argument with no foundation?
Is this your first attempt at persuation, Mikey?
Is Scaife paying you to lie like a Riyahdi rug?
Why
Democrats Are Losing
by Todd Badmitten
Excerpt:
While it may be true that Democrats could
have run a more spirited campaign, the truth is
that the deck was stacked against them
from the very beginning, and has been for years.
The Democrats certainly had a message –
but it was repeatedly tainted, diluted, and
misrepresented to the voters by the most
powerful influence in American politics today:
The media.
Quotes
"Clinton was not magic. Clinton was a
huge, huge drag on his party."
-- Rush (R-Truth Molester) explaining why
Clinton was the only
Democratic president
to serve two four-year terms since WWII
Ten ads for just $300
You can have every Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.
...and weekends are half-price!
Don't wait, first come, first served.
Reach dozens with your message.
Subject: Personally
attacked by Tony Lauinger
my good friend Lori Cain, Tulsa Democrat has been attacked
Excerpt:
Out of the six-page newsletter, I was the
only non-candidate mentioned. Of course, they attacked
"pro-abortion" candidates Doug Dodd, Laura Boyd,
Drew Edmondson, and Brad Carson, but the
candidates didn't get near the coverage
or space devoted to them that I did.
Beltway Rumor
Heard at a trendy Republican saloon:
First right-to-lifer: "That KellyAnn Fitzpatrick really gets around, if you know what I mean..."
Second right-to-lifer: "No, what do you mean?"
First right-to-lifer: "After 'dating' Fred Thompson - she changed her name to KellyAnn Fitz-everyone."
Second right-to-lifer: "Is that why she lists 'pollster' on her resume?
First right-to-lifer: "ha ha"
Suffering
Suffrage!
by Daniel Patrick Welch
Excerpt:
Bucking demographic, historic and economic
trends, this election result is an anomaly, an obvious,
logical reaction to the fear instilled
by the events of last September. It needn't have been so, and
quite arguably wouldn't be without the
fomenting of Bush and his henchmen storming the country
shouting 'boo' at every turn, flat out
lying about Iraq and al-Qaeda and bashing the U.N. It has
been Halloween all year for this cabal,
and it's only getting scarier.
Marty always has good stuff!
Swear to Koresh, I was on Google trying to find a picture
of Ann Coulter,
...a picture where her skirt actually covered her kootie,
and I ran across this:
ha ha
Bush promised to get bin Laden.
He vowed "to bring him to justice or bring
justice to him."
That's why his approval numbers went to the high eighties.
That was 415
days ago ...and counting
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Did you see Sunday's Sopranos?
It was so real, so gutteral, it was probably the most nervous
TV I ever saw.
When Tony slugged Ralphie, and Ralphie charged back...
It just HAD to be a fight to the death.
Tony weighs 265, Ralphie is maybe 165 dripping wet.
Under different circumstances, I'd applaud Ralphie's gonads.
If Tony was there to take his wife or his kids, you have to fight
to the death.
But they were fighting over a horse. (You
had to be there.)
It might've been the best fight I've ever seen.
The punch - the hot skillet - the kick to the balls - the knife
- the can of RAID!
You talk about product placement!
Everyone knows what RAID smells like.
The idea of having it sprayed in your eyes during a life-and-death
struggle is so f-ing real!
Tony eventually realizes all he has to do is cover Ralphie with
his weight and it's over.
Now Ralphie's dead, so it's time to call Christopher and ask
him to come over with rubber gloves,
a gallon of bleach, some heavy-duty lawn bags and a really sharp
meat cleaver.
They chop Ralphie into four pieces (five counting his toupe) and
carry him to the car.
As they're walking toward the cliff to dump his handless, headless
body in the ocean,
Tony explains to Christopher that he's throwing his life away
by doing drugs all the time.
ha ha
Then they throw their old friend Ralphie's weighted-with-chains
body into the depths.
Even I could see the symbolism.
One guy called Sunday's Sopranos, "one
of the most memorable hours in TV history."
If you're not watching this show, you're missing out.
Click Here for more on Ralphie's departure.
What is it?
An illustrated collection Bushisms
"Wisdom from America's 43rd President"
How much does it cost? $9.50
Can you give two examples?
"...I've been talking to Vicente Fox, the new
president of Mexico... I know him...
...to have gas and oil sent to U.S....
so we'll not depend on foreign oil..."
— first Presidential debate,
Oct. 03, 2000."
"I am mindful not only of preserving executive
powers for myself,
but for predecessors as well."
— Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2001
How can I get a copy? Send
check or money order for $9.50 to:
Anton Mkrtychev
PO BOX 8364 Minneapolis, MN 55408
For more details - contact thewritingraven@yahoo.com
for more Pieman, visit pieman.org
Ho...
ho...
ho!
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Christmas shopping online?
Use the portal below
and they'll throw bartcop.com a nickel.
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