Wholesaler of the Republican red-ass
This ass thinks it's Halloween
J M Marshall
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"The mainstream media has, in my opinion, been
so grossly negligent, so disturbingly devoid
of authentic debate, and actual dissemination of information. They are, in theory, the custodians
of fact, the watchdogs of government. That's the theory. At a time as important as this, they have
absolutely rolled over to the conservative hawkish agenda. "The parents of the troops who die and
the parents of Iraqi civilians who die should have the right to slap a lot of these media outlets with
a suit of criminal negligence. Military parents would have a legitimate case, especially against Fox
and the New York Post for cheerleading this thing the whole way, for waving the flag, and using
knee-jerk, sycophantic, pseudo-patriotism as a tool to galvanize public opinion. That brings us to some
of the rightwing pundits who dominate the radio, like Mike Savage, or some of the commentators at
Fox--the Ann Coulters, what have you. I think what they do is they turn their own personal issues
--whether they be racist, homophobic, sexist, xenophobic, or imperialistic--and they wrap them in
the flag and hide them behind Jesus."
--Janeane Garofalo, unafraid of the right-wing dirt machine
"I want her killed. I can do that, you know - legally.
The Democrats gave me that power - they really did."
At the center of the dispute is a more-than-800-page secret report prepared by a joint congressional inquiry
detailing the intelligence and law-enforcement failures that preceded the attacks-including provocative,
if unheeded warnings, given President Bush and his top advisers during the summer of 2001.
I remember the summer of 2001 very well. That's when I did
my first verbal rant about President Dunce
taking ANOTHER month-long vacation while the FBI and CIA weres trying to get him involved in the fight
against terrorism, but he was too busy talking to the cows, remember?
He said he liked talking to the cows "because
they were good listeners."
I think he likes the cows because he can beat them 3 out of 5 playing checkers.
"It's nobody's business what I knew about 9-11!"
Why would they do that?
When Smirk strutted his smirking ass across the flight
deck on the USS Abraham Lincoln.
they band played, "Bringing in the sheaves." Can anyone explain that?
But the worst was yet to come.
At one point, right after Smirk had said one of his patented, "Worship me" phrases,
nobody clapped and in the lower right-hand of the TV screen I saw a flashing light.
Was it ...maybe, ...the applause sign?
Six times, (I counted), Bush would say something like, "All
liberals are evil, and you're
finally going back to your home and your loved ones after ten long months at sea!"
Of course, they cheered that line like crazy. I'm sure FOX
News will edit it to say, "All liberals are evil,"
and then they'll cut the the cheering crowd while avoiding the flashing, "APPLAUSE" sign.
Subject: Bill O'Reilly
I saw this dipshit (Bill O'Reiily) tell
Charlie Gibson on Good Morning America
right before the invasion started that if we didn't find WMD that he would never
believe the Bush Cheney administration again in anything they tell us.
Just wondering if anyone has seen him make
any more comments about this?
I really enjoy your site.
Bill O'Reilly is a lying whore.
He probably sincerely thought they'd find something, so he gambled - and lost.
If called on it, I'm sure he'd say that since the army found a
couple of empty rockets
that COULD conceivably hold some kind of WMD, he feels vindicated and will continue
to fellate Bush and Cheney at every opportunity. You don't get to be Number One on the
worst of the whore networks by being honest and straightfoward with the "facts.".
"The Dixie Chicks were like, 'We were only
speaking our minds.'
Yeah, so were all the people saying they hate you."
--Drew Carey, as Nazi as they come, and it's hard to be a funny fascist
...uh, ...Drew, was it the people who hate the Dixie Chicks?
Or was it Clear Channel trying to destroy them to get favors from Mikey Powell?
Those decrying Clinton's alleged destruction
of the military pointed to the
loss of a couple air wings (however many planes are in a wing), many Army
divisions (about half of them), and etc., which were implementations by
Clinton of the force structure reductions signed into law to be phased in
later, by Bush 41 and then-SecDef Cheney.
NONE of those reductions has been reversed.
There aren't any new AF air
wings, and no new Army divisions. There aren't any new weapons in the field,
and, in fact, while Clinton's last budget for defense spending was in
operation until September 30, 2001, Bush's own first military budget simply
followed Clinton's next budget projection, to the exact dollar amount.
That was in effect through September 30, 2002.
There is no doubt that the military performing
as they have been has been
accomplished with the same manpower and equipment that the GOP was
characterizing as a destruction of the military, which it most plainly is not.
"I can't stand watching history roll right
over us. It's like they're asking you
to bend over, put your head in the sand, and put a flag in your ass."
--Janeane Garofalo, knocking 'em dead
I had CNN on in the background while building yesterday's page.
CNN was gushing over how manly Bush
was for HOURS.
They said he looked so suave in his pilot's uniform (what a joke)
and they said he even managed to "figure out the pilot's swagger."
Bush is the only president (sic) we've ever had who can smirk by walking.
Why did the Unelected Monkey wear a pilot's uniform to fly an hour in a jet?
They also said since Bush was once a pilot,
he might even be
at the controls and actually flying the plane. What a handjob!
Hell, I've flown a plane - any idiot can fly a plane for a few minutes.
And then the camera stayed on Bush for hours
while he talked to the men on the ship.
The reporters said they had personally talked to every man on the ship (that's not possible
- I'll bet the Lincoln has 5,000 personnel.) and "each and every one of them"
was super-excited about meeting our great and wonderful war hero president.
I didn't have the courage to see what FOX
was doing with this.
CNN wants to be FOX so bad they can taste it.
I need a drink...
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A sold-out crowd cheered, danced and sang along during the Dixie Chicks summer
tour kick-off concert, showing little concern for the controversy that has surrounded
the band since speaking out was made illegal by the Bush administration.
Thursday night, the Dixie Chicks quickly
realized their fans still loved them as about
15,000 packed the Bi-Lo Center for the sold-out concert. If there was a boo as the
band appeared on stage, few could hear it.
Maines didn't wait long to address the problems
that have arisen from her comments.
"We have a plan for this," Maines said. "If you're here to boo, we welcome that.
We're going to give you 15 seconds to do that."
And when Maines counted to three, the sold-out
crowd erupted in cheers and the
Chicks broke into "Long Time Gone."
Look, it's the Coke Nazi!
Did the BFEE take over Coca Cola, too?
Coca-Cola promotes drink with 'swastika'
A Coca-Cola promotion in Hong Kong featuring a robot
adorned with 'swastikas' has been condemned.
Here if you think I made this up.
Thanks to Ver Doron
"Robowaru," has two swastikas on its chest
and can be bought in the
UK for around £2.60 with any purchase of six bottles of Coke.
I have been thinking, and I want to up my subscription to $10 per month.
I currenty subscribe at $5 per month.
Kevin, either way is fine, and I appreciate that.
You can change your subscription by signing into PayPal, then clicking "Profile,"
then go to "account management," and you can change whatever you like.
Thanks for your support,
From: Carson Koch
Subject: What Clinton didn't do
This isn't quite a Number Six, but it's as serious an ass whoppin'
as I've had to put on some crazed simian's punk ass in a long time.
Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
Visit The Devil's Dictionary (2003 SXSW Finalist)
Subject: Greetings from Iceland
Hey Bart, longtime reader here.
I was kind of surprised not to see the following link on today's edition.
It's that dastardly Henry Waxman attacking
His Benevolence, Richard Cheney, True Christian (TM),
and Son of God. Good to see there are at least some Democrats with cajones left.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
Myself, I'm exhausted trying to argue with
Bush-loving dittoheads over the internet.
They wouldn't recognize logic if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a hapsicord.
ps. please don't print my name or e-mail
The last thing I need right now is hate mail from right wingers,
especially now when it's fashionable to be a xenophobic, jingoistic, bible-thumper.
Thor, that's great stuff! I hope everyone clicks on it.
It's a pdf of a letter Waxman sent to Rummy asking him to explain
was doing business and making hueueueueueuge profits with the Axil of Evil during the ninities.
Wait a minute, wait a minute...
Once you think about it, what are the chances that the USS Abraham
Lincoln just happened to be
an hour off the San Diego coast at 9 PM EST so Smirk could give his speech before another captive,
unders-orders-to-clap group of men who are desperate to get home to their families.
For all we know, The Linc was supposed to be home two weeks ago,
but Smirk couldn't run
his victory lap for the good puppet media until this week, so those men were just sitting in the Pacific
wondering what the long-ass delay could be getting back home?
Hell, they did it to the chained and blindfolded hostages Iran
took - for 90 days!
This was just a couple of weeks for a few thousand lovesick husbands and fathers.
...anything to prop up the illegal and never-elected Corrupt Commander..
Remember the "Haircut on the Tarmac?"
"The ship was slowed so Bush could spend the night on board before it docked on Friday, officials said."
Now how can you 'splain this? Bill Clinton
was jabbed by every conservative pundit with a soapbox to stand on
for getting a haircut while Air Force One sat on the ground in Los Angeles. The gasbags liked to pretend that Bill's
egregious new 'do bottlenecked traffic at the airport for hours. All hogwash, of course.
But now we have an aircraft carrier full
of sailors headed home after months at sea and at war.
According to Bush, 150 or more have kids they haven't seen yet. How does Bush show his support?
By slowing down the damn boat so W can spend the night playing sailor!
I just can't believe it.
Swear to Koresh, I wrote that piece above before I read
With Bush, you can assume the worst and be prewtty sure that it's true.
And since the Clinton haircut fiasco never happened, talk radio
hammered it home forever.
And the FACT that Bush kept these men from their families so he could look good on TV will be kept quiet by
the American media on the BFEE payroll because Mr. Rove doesn't like seeing the truth in the papers or on TV.
supporters are blind zealots
Apparently, no matter what happens during
Bush’s reign, no matter how many inside deals
are brokered and jobs taken away it will always somehow be Clinton’s fault.
So brainwashed are the folks that support
Bush that he could be discovered standing over
a dead body with a blood covered knife in his hand and scrapings of his skin under the dead
person's fingernails and they would still try to shift the blame to Clinton.
...and the media would back them up
and Zeta-Jones take on Clear Channel Nazis
(my title) to a story on thesmokinggun.com
MAY 1--Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas are threatening legal action against
Clear Channel Worldwide, claiming that the media giant has recently published photos
showing the Oscar-winning actress "heavily pregnant and topless," The Smoking Gun has learned.
Follow up - from Volume 1046 - The rockets blue glare
> Subject: Integrity among Republican Presidents
> Hey Bartcop,
> Just saw the following in a letter to Sports
Illustrated, in response to an article
> implying that Bill Clinton's creative golf scoring is a sure sign that his integrity is lacking.:
>"We have not had a Republican ex-president
> who did not get a pardon or give one to his predecessor or staff..."
> Hey, whoever wrote that reads bartcop.com
> And doesn't it speak volumes about today's GOP when taking a mulligan at golf is worse
> behavior than selling Stinger missles to Islamic Jihad and lying about it under oath?
> The America press has done their job well...
Well, the author wrote:
Does not include the letters to the editor section and I know you don't have
time to dig for copy of the issue. My chance to "be famous" is blown.
For the fun of it, here is my letter to SI verbatim:
"Your foray into politics is most unwelcome.
We have not had a Republican ex-president since
Eisenhower who did not get a pardon or give one to his predecessor or staff, yet you choose to
bash the integrity of the man who gave us eight years of peace and the greatest economic boom
we have ever known. Cheating in golf is not nearly as bad as cheating in elections. Is that article
meant to help us accept recession and war? So much for the corporate press being liberal."
They also published one short pro-Clinton
letter, and six letters that were critical and supporting
of the hatchet job. Clinton agreed to play a round with the author and was beat up for it. I couldn't
stand it and since my everyday language is now spiced with "Bartisms" it came out the way it did.
Thanks for your daily inspiration
Bob, thanks for the note.
“These fellows are all honorable men, I’m sure.
But they call for war with all the ferocity of
non-combatants and then turn around and feed on the corpse of war. Illegal? Not in our system.
Unsavory? No matter how you slice it. But the main point is this: America’s corporate and
political elites now form a regime of their own and they’re privatizing democracy.
All the benefits — the tax cuts, policies and rewards flow in one direction: up.”
I put Bill O'Reilly's name into the Anagram Generator from Volume 144 and I got "oily libeller"!
Ain't that a hoot?
Sorkin, Schlamme Leaving West Wing
Aaron Sorkin is leaving The West Wing after this season.
"Aaron Sorkin and Tommy Schlamme are irreplaceable,"
said surviving founder
JohnWells said in a statement. "... They will be sorely missed."
Aaron wrote the "Pockets" episode while driving in the desert
Brothers in Arms
by Mark Knopfler. He said that song, (and maybe a doobie?) inspired him to write that episode.
I think this is really bad news.
The show won't be the same without Sorkin.
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I went to the PO Box Tuesday, and there was a package from Amazon.com
I opened it, and it was the Angelfish CD. Angelfish
was Shirley's band before
Butch invited her to join Garbage, and the rest is history.
But I didn't remember ordering it.
I thought, "I should give the credit cards to Mrs. Bart when I'm SWI."
But it turns out a Keith Jones had sent that to me.
Click to Order
This is a press release from an independent
polling group. The results show what
happens when you ask honest questions in a poll instead of CNNing them.
Poll finds 'Climate of Fear' grips US
"Exploring the issue of a "climate of fear" Retro Poll found that 61% believed that there is now
a "general climate of fear in the U.S." That group was then given 6 items to rate as contributing
"much, some, little or none" to the climate of fear. When those who said "much" or "some" for
each question were combined, the respondents ranking for causes of fear were:
Terrorist actions (85%)
media hype (83%);
failure to catch Bin Laden (77%);
homeland security alerts (73%);
poor relations with other nations (71%);
and the anthrax attacker still on the loose (65%).
With "media hype" getting the most votes
for causing "much" fear (57%),
the poll provides evidence that the public is very suspicious of the way that
TV (where 2/3 get their news) and other media process and manipulate information.
I read the Dixie Chicks interview in Entertainment Weekly.
Natalie said the same thing, that people are scared and they need a victory,
they need someone to beat up to remind us we're still big and strong so Bush
murdered Baghdad and Clear Channel set out to destroy the Dixie Chicks.
This is what happens when an unelected fraud steals power, then
vacations while the evil men behind him make deals with terrorist groups and nations.
How did bin Laden get away? On an F-16-escorted C-130?
How did Saddam slip away? On an F-16-escorted C-130?
Why does the FBI have no interest in catching the anthrax killer?
Because he only targets Democrats?
What happened to our 5 trillion dollar surplus? It's been replaced
by a 5 trillion dollar deficit,
and Bush says the best way to fix it is to make his friends even richer.
Which countries are next on Bush's hit list?
In what country will the next 137 men die?
Worship me, I went AWOL for Jim Beam.
If you ever bought an ad on bartcop.com
even if it was just once, many years ago,
we would like to reward you with some free, 30-second radio commercials.
If you have the ability to create MP3s, send your finished commercial
If you can't create MP3s, and would like to take advantage of this offer, our in-house voice man
will create your free ad if you send your text to email@example.com
If you have paid in advance for your radio commercial,
it's not too early to send your finished
commercial to firstname.lastname@example.org If you'd like our voice man to create one for you,
he will do this for free until the first webcast happens, which will be soon. After that, he will
produce a real-sounding ad for a nominal fee.
You are free to say most anything in your commercial, but if you
want him or Ol' Bart to voice your ad,
remember we can only speak facts. Unless your product is South's Finest Chocolate,
Bixby corn or Chinaco Anejo, we can't say "This is the best product ever."
It has to be true if we're going to say it.
After all, I'm not Paul Harvey, I'm not Laura the Screech and
I'm not the vulgar Pigboy.
My integrity is not for sale.
If you paid for some ads that have yet to run their full amount, I'm not trying to cheat you.
Send a friendly reminder to the business address, email@example.com with your URL
and banner and the number of ads that still need to run and I'll fix you up. I need a staff.
Gore's polls, already falling due to the lagging economy, hit rock bottom in the weeks after
the September 11th attacks. "People rightly blamed the Commander-in-Chief for not doing
anything to intercept planes that had clearly been hijacked and for ignoring warnings of an
imminent threat," says a GOP pollster. "But concern about incompetence quickly segued into
the 'wimp thing.' Disgust at Gore's cowardice became widespread when he abandoned
Washington to the terrorists and flew off to hide in that silo under Nebraska. Diligent journalists
then reminded Americans how he'd wussed out of Vietnam by joining the Tennessee Air
National Guard and then going AWOL, and for many voters that was that."
"Are you prone to remain uninformed? Why bother changing things?
If real news coverage makes you fret, then come chew the fat with FAUX's Juvenile Friends!"
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Subject: holy cats!!!
holy cats!! i never realized that you're a Tulsa....and i said that nothing good could ever come of an oklahoman.
I understand - completely.
i applaud your fight for the truth.
i'm a big fan of your site; i showed it to some conservative friends of
if only you could see them fume at the attacks made against the "infalable" commander in chief. it sickens me
that the man that "runs" this sad, pathetic state of a country, is really only the puppet of twisted, "big-business" cronyist.
That's my beef...for now,
Bush said that soon, every person in Iraq will have electricity,
but I wonder...
Does everyone in Texas have electricity?
Remember these pictures that the good puppy press ignored in the 2000 race?
If that refrigerator has electricity, why is it outside?
THIS is what Bush did for the people of Texas.
These are Americans, living like animals in broken cages near
the Mexican border.
Did Bush ever do anything for them as governor or later as ex-governor?
We need your 30-second MP3s for "bumper
E-mail them to firstname.lastname@example.org so we can hear them on
I'm not a big fan os CSI: Miami, but tonight they're re-running their best show ever.
Halle Berry on Leno, Costas has Sarandon and Robbins on his HBO premier.
Poor bottom-of-the-barrel ABC.
All they can muster is two hours of "funny" home videos and a 20/20.
Look for Bernie Mac on the hilarious King of the Hill.
Bernie says Hank's dog, (and maybe Hank,) has a problem with black people.
Last night, after dinner at stately BartCop Manor, I treated myself to a cocktail.
Since time lost all meaning in the last four months or so, the
next time I looked up,
Craig Kilborn was saying, "Ladies and gentlemen - ...The Doors!"
I'm like, ..."What?"
And I'll be goddamned if The Doors! didn't come out and tear thru "Love Me Two Times."
This can't be real, it must be some kind of agave mirage.
Ray and Robbie and that other guy are a damn good band. They gotta
be 30 years out of practice,
but they tore up "Two Times," right there on the damn Kilborn show. I forget the new singer's
name and pedigree, but he had bangs and glasses and was kinda hiding behind the Morrison persona.
But trust me - if you see The Doors! on tour near your town, I suggest you spend the bucks.
Wow,. I semi-saw The Doors!
At last glance we had not yet found the perfect webmaster for BartCop Stocks.
We have some possibles, but none "ready to rock." If you
thought about applying,
and didn't because you thought there'd be a mad crush with hundreds of people all
vying for the top positions, there's room for you.
Somebody's gotta know html, because I won't have the time.
"Dear Bart, I'm perfect for that job!"
Commentary by Barry Crimmins
"When I look at the members of the United States military, I see the best of our country,
and I am honored to be your Commander in Chief." - Court-appointed President Bush
-- who was apparently not interested in seeing anything of the best of our country while
he was AWOL from the National Guard during the Vietnam War.
I would sooner drive a shuttle bus at a
Bejing hospital complex than sit through another
speech by George W. Bush. Leave it to Bush to choose the Abraham Lincoln as a
location for telling lies. Kaiser Ashcroft refused to attend the speech because he wanted
Bush to give it on the Jefferson Davis.
The military phase has ended? Apparently
those Iraqi protesters we thought were getting
shot with bullets were actually being killed with kindness.
You may be too proud, but I'm not.
I want to encourage every person who reads these words
to put out the word to 10 friends about bartcop.com and tell them to forward it to 10 more people.
Like a chain letter - a chain hammer!!
Let's put this site over the top.
Just email your friends a note saying "check out this awesome site
bartcop.com and then forward it on to 10 more people" .
The old saying that if you have a great
product, it will sell itself applies.
Bart rocks and bartcop.com will sell.
Matt, good idea, thanks.
Halle Berry on Dave
'NOW With Bill Moyers' on PBS
HBO has Bob Costas & a salute to 'Bull Durham'
Aaron Sorkin & Thomas Schlamme are leaving 'West Wing'
Thailand's Jumbo Queen
David Lee Roth, a prowler & a shotgun
And, Geraldo has a website where he whines. .
From Symbolman at takebackthemedia.com
“If the President’s looking for another salesman
to help him with this tax package,
I got a candidate, that old Iraqi information minister. He knows how to sell a fraud....
This is a giveaway to wealthy investors and contributors.”
-- Al Hunt, victim of a drunken Smirk rage at a restaurant in Dallas
and the most honest employee of the Whore Street Journal
Is worth $10 a month?
I guess it depends on how much you want to hear Smirk getting what's coming to him.
Click Here to get in on the fun.
we start streaming, the download will take only seconds.
Click Here to listen totoday's phone calls
These can only get better. You have heard everything I've ever done with
a mic, which still
is less than one hour total. So remember my virgin status and watch things get better as we go.
In case you hadn't seen them yet I saw the two attached covers and remembered what one of your callers
mentioned the other day about the same guy being in each kissy photo. I found them on the Chicago Tribune site.
Notice how lovingly he holds each soldeir's chin as he kisses them...
Call 918-493-1500 - you have two minutes to rant away.
Did anything make you mad today?
Tell us about it! 918-493-1500
This sounds like bad news, but it's not
The invisble angel, who was matching all new subscriptions for
what, the last year?
The last 18 months? Things move so fast, I can't keep up, but it seems like he's been here forever.
He was matching the new subscriptions in six-month clusters, and
he reminded me that this second or third (sorry)
cluster of manna from Heaven ended on April 30. He's not going anywhere, it's just that he smartly didn't want to
get into some "till the end-of-time," philanthropic endeavor, but that figures because it's the smart thing to do and he's
always had good advice for me on business matters
He very much wants to stay in the unknown, but I felt it was important
to archive that he was here, and mention the
contributions he has made. Beyond all that matching-each-new-subscription stuff, he's been a great soundingboard
the last couple of years. I considered appointing him as a senior political advisor to bartcop.com, but there's a
curse that goes with that
Between his financial backing, his political skills, and his ideas
on how to make the pie hammer, he has been Gibraltarian*
in pushing me to try harder and to go farther and to just tell the damn truth.. He took me from Crayons to aftershave.
What can I give him in return?
If not for the invisible angel, I'd still be at the car lot and
would've been nothing more than a
pipedream that never got off the ground. Damn, how do you say "Thank you," to someone that engineered a strategy
that enabled me to quit my crappy, minimum wage day job and pursue some crazy dream of reaching dozens of people?
So, a shot of the Chinaco Anejo Wildflowers batch (I still have some left) to the California Angel.
You changed my life, Dude.
If I invented the word Gibraltarian* just now, I want a nickle anytime someone uses it.
Use this portal and they'll throw bartcop.com four cents.