Subject: Bartcop.com "Let Us Prey"
I like a good joke but would really appreciate
it if you guys or gals, whatever the case,
would get some new material. I'm really very tired and bored with the same old lines about George W.
Johnny Carson used the same material the last
two pathetic years of his tonight show
only the associated name was Dan Quayle. Leno uses the same set of Carson Quayle "Jokes"
but changed the name from Dan to George W.
Bartcop steals the NBC Tonight show material
and publishes it on their web site like it was original.
I think you guys should hire some writers and develop some new material.
Bored In Upstate New York
Walt, you have upset the staff.
Leno has the laziest writers in all of show business.
Stealing Leno jokes is like copying off Smirk in a geography exam.
I realize, in a perfect world, a web site like this should be damn funny
As far as the poor writing on bartcop.com I'm getting a lot of complaints about it, lately.
I have told the writing staff they have two weeks to come up with better material ...or they're gone!
You didn't specify which Leno jokes were stolen.
Could you get back to me on that?
One other thing, you forgot the URL to your comedy web page.
I would enjoy reading it.
Smirk, Catholics and Okies - Oh My!
Subject: Help me Bartcop!!!!!!
You 'da Man Bartcop!!
I'm in a war of words with a group of dittomonkeys,
and I used the line
"Clinton never sent a man into battle who didn't come home" and I'm being called on it.
Can you give me some backup info?
Well, I can't give you a list of all the men who came home - it's too long.
Congrats on phrasing it correctly.
Clinton never sent a man into battle who didn't come home.
Bush sent the men to Somalia, and some didn't come home.
Clinton sent some troops overseas who didn't come home, because there had car wrecks,
suicides and heart attacks, but they didn't die due to Clinton's bungling.
They got nothin',
Tell 'em I said, "Blow me."
Puff Daddy: call me 'P. Diddy'
NEW YORK (AP) - Sean Combs says he's getting rid
of his "Puffy" nickname.
He told MTV News that he's dumping the nickname when he comes out with a new album.
"I'm not doing it as serious as Prince. I'm not
just going to be crazy with it," he said.
"I just need a fresh start. That's all." So what will be his new rap name?
Actually, he said he will just take one of his other nicknames - P. Diddy.
"So probably, like, the first week in June we
are going to have a name change ceremony.
Clinton is probably going to change my name. Bill Clinton, I like his style," Combs said.
"He is a survivor, they went at him, he is still standing."
Subject: Useful Quotes
Love your site. A day without BartCop is like a day without.......well, it's like a day
without righteous indignation, without clarity of thought, without seeing through the haze.
Here are a few quotes from folks who must have been somewhat prophetic,
since none of them could have known the Great Pretender, Smirk.
But I'd swear they were talking about him!
"Behind every great fortune is a crime."
-- Honore de Balzac, French novelist (1799-1850)
Wow, was this guy a regular Nostradamus?
She's back, and she's meaner than Karl Rove.
She wrote a nasty, spiteful column about Bush and McCain.
It wasn't good at all. It put me to sleep, so I didn't bother with linking it,
but I like running her hooker picture with the Henry Hyde thighs.
If you must read everything Dowd writes, Drudge has a link.
How best to honor Ronald Reagan?
Re-name every school that has had a shooting after him.
Soon, there'd be hundreds of Reagan High Schools.
Have you been listening to the rabid right lately
defending Smirk's reneging on his CO2 emissions promise?
You know the argument, "we breathe out carbon dioxide for god's sake, how harmful can it be?"
It's scary that they think that way.
Just like a ditto-monkey to consider human discharge as "non-toxic."
Rush opened his show today by explaining that
you can't outlaw lying in political campaigns,
because truth can be SUBJECTIVE.
But Rush, ...but Rush, ...I thought truth was
I though there were one million ditto-monkeys who believe
"There's right, there's wrong, and there's no in between."
I thought only liberals thought that truth can
be in the eye of the beholder.
When did that change?
Will Republicans apologize?
Anyway, I'm glad Rush finally told the truth about this issue.
He then went on to take a little slap at Lawton
Chiles, the former governor of Florida.
He said that Chiles, when asked about some push-polling, said that he didn't do anything wrong,
and he won't do it again.
Ditto-monkeys howl about that one.
They want to know what kind of liar says, "I didn't do anything wrong, and it won't happen again."
It's preposterous to them that anyone could get away with saying such a dishonest response,
unless of course the person saying it is Reagan, Traitor Bush, Quayle, W., Cheney, Forbes, Hyde,
Barr, Armey, Harris, Forbes, Alexander, Gramm, Dole, Bennett, Kemp, Jeb, Ashcroft or Linda Chavez.
Then it's PROOF OF HONESTY!
The funny thing is, 48 hours earlier, at the start
of Tuesday's show, Rush was doing exactly what
he criticized Chiles for doing. He had been swearing at some employee, and apparently used
the word "shit" in the presence of a live mike.
Lo and behold, Rush declared that he didn't do
and then he added that it won't happen again.
So next time ditto-monkeys ask the ditto-monkey
"What kind of liar says he didn't do anything wrong, and then says it won't happen again?"
Be sure to tell them, "Rush Limbaugh, Lying Nazi Whore, that's who!"
I would be interested in a vegas get together.
though I am not sure of your
numbers I do wonder if you could get enough people together to make it worthwhile.
I used to plan conventions and road trips and
if you need some help with the groundwork, just ask.
hope all is well there. keep up the awesome work.
Ice Weasel, (love that nick)
We have a New York trip planned for may, so Las Vegas would have to be later.
Maybe that's the way to do it:
Plan it for November and give everyone six months to juggle their schedule and finances.
Vegas is cheap as hell to get to.
Southwest Airlines often does that $99 go-anywhere deal.
(See link above, when it's completed)
Subject: Democratic News
Kalamazoo, a conservative city FAR from Detroit
was chosen for Bush's speech
for just that reason and 300 Protestors STILL showed up.
Why won't the mainstream media report on protestors?
What can we do?
Read bartcop.com !!
Bush Closes Office For
"Fuck 'em," was the quote from one unnamed source.
"President Bush has quietly closed the White
House Office for Women's Initiatives and Outreach,
shutting a small but symbolic office in one of many indications that his administration intends to
reshape the government's approach to women's issues," the Boston Globe reports.
BC, I was enjoying you most recent issue (I made
your page my home page), especially your comments
on the GOP's overwhelming desire to have Ronald Reagan declared hero of heroes.
Back when he was in office I was amazed at how
many people were fooled by that lazy idiot
(remember his office hours--something like 10am to 2pm which is something else that shrub seems to emulate).
Then it hit me--he's the AntiChrist!
Think about it, he's the first president elected
in something like 120 years to survive the "20 year curse"
which killed all of the others while still in office (and this, even after being shot!).
Need more proof?
How about his name?
R-O-N-A-L-D W-I-L-S-O-N R-E-A-G-A-N, each name with 6 letters.
That's 666, the Mark of the Beast!
Finally, these same GOPers often decry "revisionist
history," yet throw it around like a big dog
when it comes to RR-the AC. RR supposedly "ended the Cold War." What crap!
I guess Harry Truman was just farting around looking for something to do when he began the Berlin Airlift.
The same with all of those presidents leading up to RR-the AC when they did things like forming
NATO and the Strategic Air Command.
Ahh, I feel much better--don't you?
Thanks for your page.
Rock's Golden Years
The years 1968-1973 brought an explosion of classic rock music.
Arguably, the best groups released their best music in that short time.
I asked four writers to give us their take on that.
Here's one view, from Uncle Ernie, with more to come.
Quotes we won't forget
"We have to stop the counting of the
ballots in Florida
or permanant, lasting harm could come to the campaign of George W Bush."
-- The Supreme Whores, throwing our votes away
Subject: Humorless prigs
I'm on a list for "Trust the People - Seattle"
which is more or less about organizing protests against Dubya.
Someone mentioned they were watching Meet and Press with Delay on it and they were going to be sick.
So I posted your (hilarious) letter complaining about to NBC about Russert fellating Delay on national television.
I got a couple responses. One that was that that
kind of crap belonged on right-wing hate lists not a progressive one.
Another how about we shouldn't be making jokes at the expense of gays. These two or three people missed the
entire fucking satire of the letter or apparently thought you were serious.
I hate having to explain to them but the humor
derives that the only people who would complain about stuff like that
(right wing nuts) would never do it because it'd mean admitting that Russert isn't some liberal journalist who wasn't
practically felating Delay.
Sometimes I get mail like that, too, from a gay person.
I'm unable to understand their point.
When Katherine Harris helped the Bush Bothers steal Florida, rumors
that she was sleeping with Jeb - but that wasn't an attack on heterosexuality, was it?
When I say Russert was fellating The Sugarland Bug Man, it wasn't an attack on gays,
it was only meant to illustrate how close Tim the Whore is to the right-wing fringe.
Subject: Some thoughts
I just wanted to write about some things I've read on your site lately.
1. ) The marijuana post today. What always cracks
me up is the " it always leads to stronger drugs " argument.
In that case, you could also lump in alcohol or cigarettes. Hell, I tried those many years before smoking my first joint.
Hey Barr, it's also ILLEGAL to steal an election!
2. ) I saw Aerosmith on SNL after coming home
from a party. I couldn't believe it at first, I thought it was 1976 again.
That was just flat out, full tilt, get out of your seat boogie.......Damn, it was good to see them rockin'.
Not singing some power ballad for some soundtrack.
3. ) I'd like to see your thoughts on the Golden
Age of Rock. I started off with CCR AND CSNY thanks to a
cool older sister. Then I became a 70's hard rock aficianado. Aerosmith, Zep, Nugent, Van Halen, Montrose, etc.
I was in my teens and all I thought of was sex, drugs and rock n' roll. Then I faced my conscience and became a punk fan
in the early 80's. Then came U2, Springsteen, Mellencamp and anybody who rocked against Ronnie. I went to every Lollapalooza here locally in the 90's and still love rock. I've added jazz, blues and some country to my eclectic tastes.
And I've always been a Beatles fan but your posts have renewed my interest in them. I was always a Stones fan
because of the bad boy thing. That's one thing I love about your website. The mix of politics, entertainment and
cartoons makes for a heady brew. ( Stolen from Father Phil on the Sopranos. )
4. ) My Mom is from Locust Grove, OK. She's a
staunch Democrat who passed it on to me. But I know what you mean
by knuckle drag. I remember my cousin asking me at my Grandma's funeral in the 80's, " aren't you afraid of
getting Aids from toilet seats " ? Back in DC, she meant. I couldn't get on the plane fast enough.
5.) May is the best time to come to DC. The weather
is perfect, usually in the 70's.
Hope to do a shot of Chinaco with you !
6. ) Mi madre watches the West Wing. Between
her admonitions and your posts I'm going to check it out.
But I agree with you on the Sopranos. They need more good ol' American violence. Unleash Furio!
Thanks for the space,
Forest Chief Leaves Over Bush Policy
Whore City (AP) - Forest Service chief Mike Dombeck announced Tuesday
he is stepping down.
Dombeck told his boss, Agriculture Secretary Ann Veneman, he was retiring after 25 years, effective Saturday.
``It was made clear in no uncertain terms that the administration wants
to take the Forest Service in another direction,''
said Chris Wood, who served as Dombeck's top aide until Friday. But ``it is very cordial.''
Chris West, VP of the American Forest Resource Council, a timber
industry group based in Portland, Ore.,
said he had problems with the course that Dombeck and the Clinton administration took the Forest Service.
West said Dombeck tried to turn the forests he governed into national
instead of recognizing the value of their resources, including timber.
As chief, Dombeck worked to conserve old-growth forests, increase staff
to protect wilderness areas
and improve funding to fight wildfires and protect communities near the national forests.
Perhaps one of Dombeck's most notable initiatives will be the completion
of the roadless rule,
a ban on road-building and logging in 58.5 million acres of national forest lands, except in rare circumstances.
The ban originally was to have gone into effect March 13, but President
Bush postponed it until May 12
so he could review it. Timber interests had sought a court injunction to stop the ban.
William Meadows, president of The Wilderness Society, said about Dombeck:
``He put it back to its historic roots,'' Meadows said. ``There are strong signals coming from Bush.
... It is a shame that there are not going to be more people like Mike Dombeck to push back.''
How to Become An Ambassador
"President George W. Bush is well on his way
to fulfilling a time-honoured American tradition:
the appointment of wealthy party political contributors as US ambassadors around the world.
Of the eight announced appointments thus
far, five have gone to donors or fundraisers
of proven value to the Republican party," the Financial Times reports.
Don't forget a post for the woman who called the quick count for Smirky.
Subject: Re: Ronald Reagan USA
I propose this: Let's start putting out
a $3.00 bill and put Reagan's picture on that,
and naming every homeless shelter in America, The Reaganomics Shelter.
It seems appropriate. No?
A page you could spend all day on -
Ted Turner says Bush 'bought and paid for' by the oil industry
Ted Turner, who has given millions of dollars to ecological causes,
said that the election
of George Bush is "a personal blow to environmentalists.''
Mr. Turner said the president "was bought and paid for by the petroleum
and that "the Republican Party has become the party of polluters.''
Turner said he considered the presidential election results "to be a
and that the proposal to open protected land in Alaska to oil drilling "is ridiculous."
"We should be moving away from fossil fuels," Mr. Turner said.
"He is trying to steer the country by looking in the rearview mirror.''
McVeigh Admits Oklahoma Bombing
McVeigh told them he did not know there was a day-care center in the Murrah building and
that was a cause of regret to him. McVeigh was quoted as saying:
``I recognized beforehand that someone might be bringing their kid to work.
However, if I had known there was an entire day-care center, it might have given me pause
to switch targets. That's a large amount of collateral damage.''
Just a reminder, BUSH was the president who ordered Lon
Horiuchi to put that bullet
into the brain of Randy Weaver's wife, not Bill Clinton. I'd also like to remind everyone
that it was Reagan/Bush personnel that launched the raid in Waco.
Yes, Clinton was president at the time, but he'd only been in
office a few weeks,
and you can't think he'd put the Waco assault at the top of his "to do" list.
The guys who attacked Koresh surely had this planned for months.
Also, Janet Reno wasn't even AG yet, but they loooooove to blame her for this.
Reno and Clinton were both lied to by the FBI, and again,
Clinton had just taken the oath when all this went down.
If there was rot at the FBI, it didn't happen in a couple of weeks.
Only the craziest of Clinton-haters assume Bill and Janet wanted
those kids dead.
And John Danforth, (father of Clarence Thomas and John Ashcroft) declared that
Clinton and Reno were, his words, "one hundred percent innocent" of starting that fire,
but when have facts ever changed the minds of angry, whites-only ditto-monkeys?
It's Payback Time for Bush
By Robert Scheer
Subject: from "Rush is Wrong"
Saw this on Steves site, thought it hilarious
"I also reflected this week on the people who advertise on the EIB Network. They include:
Baldness cure vendors
Herbal Viagra substitutes
Oreck vacuums cleaners
Tax audit / IRS legal trouble assistance
Gold investments (the worst kind)
So, what kind of profile does this give us about
your average dittohead?
That's he's a balding guy, who can't get an erection, and is under investigation by the IRS for tax fraud.
Either he is single has a filthy house (or is married and his wife makes him do the cleaning),
and he's gullible enough for the worst kind of investment possible.
Wow, where do I sign up to join this army of losers?"
It's so true.
"Government is not the answer - government is the problem."
Who said that?
Ronald Reagan or Tim McVeigh?
Subject: Smirk Wows Catholics with Stance Against Abortion
I still haven't seen you or Buzzflash point out
the glaring hypocrisy
of Smirk praising the Pope’s stand on ‘life’ when it was this
same Pope who asked him not to execute people when he was governor of Texas.
On another note, I finally watched a network news
program today (I stopped watching all of them a month ago).
On NBC Nightly News tonight they gave a ‘report’ on the "energy crisis" in California. They talked about how
people’s energy bills would be raised 40% in the coming months and then shifted to the cost of living in California.
You know how they ended the report? They insinuated
that the high cost of living in California
was directly related to the fact that CA has the highest minimum wage! I’m not making this up!
This was part of the story on the California energy crisis. An area with a high cost of living has
a high minimum wage and that is the cause of all their problems according to NBC.
Okay, so I’m back to NOT watching network news
What a bunch of filthy whores.
Boy, do you have that right.
Bush Shows Class in Favoring
by Joe Conason
In defense of his tax scheme’s tilt toward the rich, George W. Bush has been complaining lately
about “class warfare.” This is an interesting phrase to hear uttered by a President accustomed
to the tony precincts of Kennebunkport and River Oaks. After all, Dubya probably hasn’t thought
too much about class warfare since the good old days at Yale, when he and his fellow seniors
applied red-hot coat hangers to the flesh of freshmen in the back rooms of the Deke fraternity.
Subject: Will Commer beat the
hell out of you!
Hey BartCop! Licking your wounds?
That Will Commer dusted you off real good.
He is absolutely right about emotion driving your
All you try to do is get liberals pissed off and to start swearing at Republicans.
How many times are you guys going to call the immensely successful Rush Limbaugh "pigboy?"
That makes you feel good, but it makes thinking
readers just think you are dumb and boring.
You haven't come up with an argument against him. You just call him names.
I listen to all liberals and conservatives I can on TV and the radio and I can tell you your website
makes the least amount of sense of any of them. You are not logical, fair or reasonable.
You are just mad. Just really pissed off. Just punching out at anything in front of you.
You are defeated and have no chance of winning
any argument or debate.
You will never dare debate a sharp guy like this Will Commer. He would embar
I know what y'all are thinking, but Swear to Koresh, I did NOT write this to myself.
First, why would I be licking my wounds?
Will Commer came on like a lil' blow torch, and I challenged him to a debate.
How does that make me "lick my wounds?"
Yes, there is emotion at bartcop.com
Many websites are sterile and emotion-free, and I always wonder why...
Yes, I use the language most Americans use, but I'm still cleaner than the vulgar Pigboy.
How many times will I call Rush "Pigboy?"
Dunno, probably 3-4 times per issue - you can do the math.
I haven't come up with an argument against him?
You're saying I have 438 issues of "Pigboy,
Funny, it caught your eye, and it got you so worked up - you had to write.
Seems like your own letter is proof you're wrong.
Yes, I'm angry.
If you were a decent citizen, you'd want the voters to choose the president, not Tony Scalia.
You are defeated and have no chance of winning
any argument or debate.
You will never dare debate a sharp guy like this Will Commer.
He would embar
Lanny, I gotta give you credit for stirring up the pot.
Could you be on Commer's team when we debate? Can you type real fast?
Or do you want to get in line behind him and try me yourself?
This could be fun - we haven't fired the big guns in a while.
Update - have heard from Commer,
we're setting something up, but we'll probably
need to do a non-live debate (just us) and then publish the results because if too many
people show up to watch, the system will crash and we'll have another Bay of Pigs.]
Online interview with Susan McDougal
Fairhope, Alabama: Why would you go to jail to protect someone who is so corrupt?
It says more about who you are rather than the president of sleaze and corruption. Jeanne
Susan McDougal: Again, I didn't go
to jail to protect anyone. I went to jail because the IC was
corrupt and sleazy, and were conducting a political investigation with taxpayers paying the bill.
It's not how this country is supposed to work. I asked several times to be allowed to answer
all their questions; instead, they wanted a proffer which would indict Bill Clinton.
Go get 'em, Suze!
From: Margaret Shemo
Subject: Lay Off Ashley Judd
(I know you don't employ her -- I refer to your
treatment of her in the Picture Index, and "Judd Family Values.")
I've just discovered that Ashley Judd is one of ours. Ms. Judd doesn't espouse the "traditional Republican family values."
That's no reason to get rid of the pictures, of course.
But now we know she has repudiated her mother's values, and she's just the woman to do it.
I was doing some heavy research in the April 2001
Harper's Bazaar. (The stench from the cologne samples
is overpowering, but I struggle on.) Ashley Judd's on the cover, and there's an interview by Zoe Heller.
(That Clinique lipstick is appalling -- raw-liver red.) Ms. Judd describes her mother Naomi as
"Republican, conservative," but Ms. Judd herself is not (although she claims that both she and her mother
are friends with Gloria Steinem). She has a Phi Beta Kappa key and she's planning to marry "Scottish race-car
driver Dario Franchitti."
"What's your stance on abortion?"
"That to me is the crucible of my politics.
I believe profoundly in the right to choose. Everything I believe
emanates from that. That's why I don't go to my church in Tennessee anymore. . . . there was one Sunday
when I was at church and there was a very fervent and, to me, pathological sermon about abortion.
I just felt: Time to move on. I am a huge supporter of Planned Parenthood. . . ."
"You'd describe yourself as a feminist?"
"Oh, please, yes. In every way. I'm
hard-core militant. I'm everything. Whatever. [Laughs.]
I am actually
getting more leftist with age, which I must say gives me tremendous satisfaction, because my mother always
predicted I would come to the other side. I'm so anti-big-business, it's unbelievable. . . ."
Ms. Judd also has a contribution to make to your
current controversy. In the words of the interviewer,
Ms. Judd's new movie, "Someone Like You," "is about a young woman who develops 'New Cow Theory,'
a tongue-in-cheek thesis about male promiscuity. It suggests that the male [of most species] places a high value
on sexual novelty." Ms. Judd doesn't agree with that view; she seems to think promiscuity is chosen,
not biologically determined. She points out that you could argue that "women are more biologically inclined
to be promiscuous because they're multiply orgasmic."
(And no matter how "determined" some men are to
be promiscuous, they just can't achieve it.)
Margaret, anything for you.
I made an assumption that she was like her mother and sister - my mistake.
She sounds like someone I'd like to have as an employee.
Since I'm apologizing, maybe I should run her dyno-mite UK poster - to help her alumni, of course.
Salon.com ran an article on Steve Kangas's murder
(?) two years ago.
They suggested he might be the Usenet's Vince Foster.
Subject: BartCop Festival
Bartcop, I think it would be a great idea if you
had some kind of a Bartcop festival.
You wouldn't have to host it, just promote it and your presence there.
Pick a city that's lots of fun that people like/want
to go to.
A city that isn't too expensive to go to.
A city with sparkling entertainment and interesting sites.
A city with great food.
A city overflowing with liquor and fine tequila.
I've got it!
How about a Bartcop Vegas Adventure?
About a year ago, we sent up a trial balloon to see who might be interested
and I got 2 or 3 replies, so we back-burnered it. We might try again, sometime.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001, bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.