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He gets more stupid every day
"Joe Lieberman says he's tired of waiting
for the EPA to release their findings on what
caused them to reverse the arsenic-in-water orders written by Bill Clinton.
Lieberman says he's being stonewalled, and if he doesn't get those documents soon,
he'll ask his committee to issue subpoenas for them," Pigboy ranted
"Well, after eight years of Clinton stonewalling,
this is just payback, I suppose."
-- General Grunt, second hour today
The problem with Rush's "thinking" is this:
Joe Lieberman's subpoena threat is meant to save lives with cleaner water.
But when the GOP issued subpoenas, it was on such constitutional
"When you had sex with Monica, did she lick the whole thing or just the pink part?"
"Did you kiss her left breast first, or her right breast - we need more details!"
"How long did you usually last before you had your orgasm?"
There's a difference between saving lives and a nasty cock-hunt,
What are you, ...like, ...stupid or something?
One of the joys of Monday is reading Pundit Pap at AMPOL
I pretty much stopped watching the Sunday shows.
It's just one Smirk apologist after another - that's all it is.
When Clinton was president, it was one critic after another,
but that format no longer works because it's not polite to pick on the retarded.
Click on Pope John 24th
Maybe when I'm in New York, Gonzo Dave and I will pull a tequila
and they'll let me contribute when we watch the Sunday shows together - ha ha
Check out that Pundit Pap. It's a lot like bartcop.com but it's cleaner and more intelligent.
Subject: a tip from a fan
I decided to see what all the fuss was about this weekend and found a place
in Manhattan (where I live) that sells Chinaco Anejo.
You are so right -- the stuff is outrageously good.
If you're still coming to New York City, try 67th
Street Wines and Liqours,
which is on Amsterdam Avenue. They stock it for 34 dollars and change.
Thanks again for (a) intoducing me to its wonders and (b) for your general good work...
Damn, that's cheaper than it is in Knuckledrag, Oklahoma!
And yes, two weeks from Friday I'll be in New York.
I'm going to have to bring one bottle of this Wildflowers batch of Chinaco
Anejo with me.
but it's good to have a fallback in case Christian ends up drinking me under the table.
From The Wizard of Whimsy page at http://www.geocities.com/wizardofwhimsy/weeklywhimsy.html
Heard on the Hill
"Reading expert Reid Lyon is making phonics
the focus of the president's
education initiative by expanding a program he started with Bush in Texas."
-- The Whore Street Journal
I hope that doesn't mean they're using President Weak & Stupid as an example.
Woe is NBC
Last week's top-rated shows were Survivor and C.S.I.
You know what shows weren't top-rated?
Friends and ER didn't make it into the top twenty.
NBC has owned Thursday nights since the early eighties when Cosby ruled,
but they have pissed away their best night and it's their own damn fault.
There are three reasons Friends isn't a good show anymore:
They're paying those pretty actors $750,000 each - per show.
With my good Catholic math, that's $4.5 million per show,
and that's just to get those six people to show up on the set.
The actors are fine, the show just has no writing - no writing at all.
You'd think after spending $4.5 million for actors, they'd hire
The second big thing that's killing Friends is the constant reruns.
Last week's show, the one about Joey's reverse circumcision, was one of their
better shows this year, but I think people just assumed it was another repeat.
It was the least-watched new episode in Friends history, and they deserve that.
The third reason ties into number two: Survivor is never
You know you're going to get a new show with Survivor, and you know you're
going to get another repeat on NBC, so why bother checking out NBC anymore?
Friends should be throwing their best shows, (new shows, not repeats) at Survivor,
but they're punting instead. Can't Warner Brothers afford to produce new episodes of Friends?
I think the cast should go on strike until the producers hire new writers - if they want to save the show.
ER has a slightly different set of problems.
There's no Survivor getting in their way. Their problem is Dr. Mark Green.
Anthony Edwards can't carry a toothpaste commercial, much less TV's most expensive show.
Remember how they offered Julianna Margulies $27 million to stay?
That's because they knew Anthony Edwards couldn't attract flies on a hot day.
You probably didn't watch, (hardly anybody did) but Dr Green married
that Corduroy woman Thursday.
USA Today's Robert Bianco called them "TV's most unbelieveable couple," and he's right.
I don't like Corduroy much, she's certainly not in my top 500 sexy women on TV, and Green had the
incredibly-bad luck to be compared to George Clooney, who had the brains to bail before the show died.
The only way ER could be any worse is if Mark's dad was still alive singing show tunes.
Add to those problems the constant repeats and you've got a $13 million per-show disaster.
Thursday's ER won it's time slot, but it was the least-watched
new episode in ER history.
Why is NBC throwing away their best night?
Remember LA Law?
...and they threw it all away for...?
Check out Wolf's great work at http://hometown.aol.com/wgrulkey/Eddycartoonpage1.html
Education on Smirk Agenda
"President Bush surrounds himself this week
with star teachers and young environmentalists
as he looks ahead to his 100-day mark - a spotlight he has invited all 535 Democrats and
Republicans in Congress to share," the AP reports
I'm sure every Democrat will be there, too, all of them patting Smirk on the back
with a "well done, thanks for uniting America."
God, I need a drink,
...and a party that isn't afraid.
Somebody was asking where they could buy this bumpersticker.
Does anybody know?
"When the matters the country is discussing
are not subjects the president
is willing to address, a vital element of democratic leadership is missing.
One hopes he will enlarge his concept of his job and let his voice be heard."
-- David Broder,
David, that's not entirely true.
Smirky is willing to discuss any issue that's written on cue cards.
He can deliver a well-thought out argument on any subject that Uncle Dick is familiar with.
>"Oh, sure, they looooooooove the Cancer lobby, because nicotine only kills 400,000 a year,
> whereas, to my knowledge, nobody is history has ever died from smoking pot. "
Nicotine is NOT what kills smokers, it is tar and other chemicals within the tobacco.
You're right, I should've said "cigarettes," because
the nicotine is only part of the problem.
Thanks to hearings held under Clinton, we learned the tobacco companies add ammonium and
formaldahyde and a whole lot of other chemicals that make the addiction stronger and faster.
Okay, you have two separate facts here.
While nobody has died from an OD on pot, many people
have developed lung cancer from pot as as easily as regular tobacco.
Whoa! I've never, ever heard that before. I realize
"many" can mean anything from 50 to 50 million,
but I've never once heard of a cancer death from pot, Could you cite a source for that allegation?
You see, pot still contains tar and other chemicals
(some are "Miracle Grow" type chemicals) which also
cause lung cancer. So while I agree with you that pot should be legalized, why should cigarettes NOT be?
I think your foundation is shaky.
First, if Miracle Grow causes Cancer (cite that source for me too, would you?)
that company should be driven out of business before the end of the day.
Second, you're still working on the assumption pot and cigarette are equally harmful.
Third, I'll take w wild guess that death by cigarettes costs abour $500,000.
If we have 400,000 of those a year I think that comes to 2 trillion dollars.
Should the tobacco companies cause us that much money and that many deaths?
You claim to be on the side of individual rights,
yet proclaim you want the right of people to CHOOSE
to smoke taken away. How would you feel if the government decided that your precious Tequila was
causing liver disease, and therefore was no longer legal? You are either for individual rights or against them.
You cannot argue FOR one right and AGAINST another simply because YOU don't agree with it.
My, our tone seems to be getting a little snippy.
If tequila was a 2 trillion dollar killer of 400,000 maybe the government should take it away.
Maybe the answer is cigarette insurance, I don't know.
Another thing, tequila has value. Do cigarettes?
One way to get rid of cigarettes would be every
two years, raise the smoking age one year.
That way, someone born this year couldn't smoke until he was 36.
I've never smokes cigarettes, but isn't the only reason people start smoking to look cool?
The first puff is so damn nasty, (and no high is attained) the new kids would miss nothing
if their "right" to smoke was taken away. Wouldn't you agree?
By the way, there is a consensus that the smoke
from pot is more harmful than tobacco simply because the smoker
HOLDS it longer trying to get a stronger high. Similar to the effects of smoking an ultralight cigarette, they found
that smokers tend to inhale deeper trying to get more nicotine and actually get more tar into their lungs.
That could be true, but heavy smokers smoke 2-4 packs a day.
Do you know anyone who can smoke 80 joints a day?
Our government embraces idiotic religious voodoo and rejects science
when it comes to pot.
They're so afraid of pot, they refuse to run tests on its "harmful effects," relying on old information
instead, which just increases the stupidity and the hypocrisy.
From your tone, I'm guessing you're a smoker who doesn't like pot. That's
But you and the government should be making your decisions and choices based on
science and logic instead of whatever horseshit the government is trying to sell us now.
Did you know pot and heroin are in the same group, medically?
Note: That "lady" is Clinton-hating Andrea Mitchell of NBC "news."
From: norafrom the firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Just read Kiss my Ass and I have to thank you again
Thank you thank you thank you.
Quite honestly I would be losing my mind without your website.
When I get a chunk of change to send to you, I will.
Offer of free stay with us will stand for your
lifetime unless of course
his Illigititude tanks our economy so badly that we can't even find anyone
interested in taking a vacation they are so depressed, and we have to sell.
Again, thank you.
Lone liberal resort owner
Today in History
April 23, 1564: Is believed to be the birth
date of William Shakespeare.
(Party at Tally's! I'll bring the tequila.)
- In 1954: In a game against the St. Louis Cardinals, Hank Aaron hit his first home run.
- In 1969: Sirhan Sirhan was sentenced to death
for assassinating Bobby Kennedy.
(The scumbag's sentence was later commuted to life imprisonment.
I'm saving a shot of Chinaco for when this asshole takes his dirt nap)
- In 1985: The Coca-Cola Co. announced it was
changing the secret flavor formula for Coke.
- In 1990: Freed American hostage Robert Polhill,
released in Lebanon the day before,
enjoyed his first full day of freedom in Germany after 39 months of captivity.
(Three days later, Reagan's arms customers snatched another hostage,
proving why you should never deal with terrorists.)
- In 1998: James Earl Ray, who confessed to assassinating
Martin Luther King died at age 70.
Meanwhile, Tim "government is the problem" McVeigh leaves thru the kitchen.
Oops! Summit Leaders Taped During Closed-Door Session
''The most powerful, I insist, cannot avoid the obligation of solidarity with those less favoured,''
said Paraguayan President Luis Angel Gonzalez. That was code for a plea for cash before Paraguay
can prepare to meet the 2005 deadline set for a negotiated deal on a Free Trade Area of the Americas.
Others asked larger countries to treat them as equals, but not before they were given preferential treatment.
''Don't poke sticks into our spokes,''
said Guatemalan president Alfonso Portillo, thumping on his desk for emphasis.
''The small economies are not the same as the big economies. Just to become the equals of the big brothers,
we will need to be treated accordingly.''
Fingering Freddie only made seven million
Maybe there's still a chance for America.
Tourist Advisory: France
Note: This is humor.
If you're in France, or from France, don't write and say "BartCop is French-bashing."
Don't accuse me of being an anti-France bigot.
France has more holidays than any other nation in the world.Among its 361
national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16
Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in triumph as
if he won the war single-handed Days, 18 Napolean sent into Exile Days, 17
Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 2 "France is Great and the Rest
of the World Sucks" Days.
Thanks to email@example.com for sending it.
Subject: Re: Drug Stats
Below is a link to one of my web pages.
It documents deaths annually due to
drugs of various kinds. It appears to me that our government anti-drug
spending policies are completely upside-down. Again, Illicit drugs and MJ
are the great satan while alcohol and tobacco are "investments".
Vernon Jordan's Memoir
"The memoir the New York publishing world wanted
Vernon Jordan to write certainly would
have been titillating. Publishers were eager for the handsome Washington power broker to peddle
gossip about his friend Bill Clinton or about back-room deal-making in the nation's capital.
If he could dish, he could publish, Jordan was told. But Jordan was not about to have his legacy
further eclipsed. There would be no tabloid headlines: 'Presidential Pal Tells All.'
The essence of Vernon E. Jordan Jr.,
he says, is to 'never apologize, never explain' and,
above all things, never betray a friend,"the LA Times reports.
I'd like to carve that last sentence in George Stephanopolous's
forehead with a pocketknife.
No wonder Clinton has so many black friends and allies.
They're the only people left with any dignity, loyalty and fight in them.
In New Mexico
"Gov. Gary Johnson paid a visit to the heart
of the national pro-marijuana movement Thursday
and vowed to keep fighting for drug law reform in New Mexico," the Albuquerque Journal reports.
A Republican who believes in personal freedom and less government.
Does this mean the return of Christ is near?
Will the fake Democrats bend over again?
"If a vacancy opens on the Supreme Court -
the Senate will be in a unique position created
by the current court's unprecedented intervention in the 2000 presidential election. For this reason,
the Senate will have the right and the duty to examine any Bush nominee to the Supreme Court
through the lens of the court's Bush v. Gore decision, which short-circuited the Florida recount
and installed Bush in the White House."
-- editorial in the Boston Globe.
You just know this is going to happen.
Sandra Day O'Connor has already told people she wants out,
but only if she'd be replaced by a like-thinking vote-stealing Nazi whore.
Bush would never nominate a centrist.
The fake Democrats are such pussies, they'd vote to confirm Ted
Then the votes will be 6 for religious hoodoo voodoo and just three for common sense.
If I had a bigger hammer, and more time, more money and a staff, I'd contact
each Democratic senator and put them on notice now, that if they vote to confirm
anybody not seen as centrist by a majority of Americans, they should expect to
lose their seat, and I don't care if your name is Kennedy or Clinton.
Jesus Christ, they voted for Norton at Interior and Ashcroft at
If Louis Freeh wasn't such a total Clinton-hating asshole, therefore a good guy to hold over,
we might've had Willie Horton running the FBI, and the Democrats would've voted to confirm.
These fake Democrats make me sick.
Is it illegitimate president or bastard president?
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.