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Pres. Weak & Stupid, shown just before
  he was injured trying to pronounce
 the brand name "Husqvarna,"
at Sequoia Nattional Park. 



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Volume 486 - Die Young, Stay Pretty

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 June 2, 2001. - Tomorrow's News Today     ...Advertise on     .......SPORTS..  ..  ..Did you hear it? 
VCR Alert
- George Carlin is Dennis Miller's guest tonight.
 Prediction: If Miller starts all that "Smirk is God," horseshit, Carlin will bruise him. 

 Run to the bathroom, take the phone off the hook, get yourself a drink and get ready for...


 Click  Here


Friends of Jenna Bush say they have a video of the president's daughter in a drunken state - Texas - and are
threatening to release it. "It was a wild night, and she was feeling no pain," said a campus source.

Jenna Bush, only 19, was unknowingly captured on tape last month during a rowdy party attended by UT students.

"When that tape gets out, the White House is going to have a kid,"  said one ditto-head.
"Some people want Jenna to fall on her face. On this video, she does - twice."

(Editor's note:
 At press time, it was not clear if Jenna was nude or clothed in this bootleg video expose'.)

Meanwhile, Secret Service agents have been ordered "not to interfere with Jenna's drinking,"
according to insiders, "unless she begins to choke on her own vomit."
"Their father promised them they could drink through college, like he did," the source said.

Agents were waiting outside of Chuy's Tuesday night when Jenna tried to buy Cuervo margaritas using a fake ID.
"The agents were driving," said the family source, "so Jenna wouldn't get arrested like her dad & Uncle Dick."

The run in with the law comes less than two weeks after Ms. Bush pleaded no contest to the latest charges
of underage drinking by the now more-famous-than Britney teenager.

Now Bush may come within one strike of being sent to jail for six months under the three-strikes-and you're-out bill
that her law-and-order father signed into law while governor of Texas.

 President Weak & Stupid on his father's recession

"The economy is moving in the right direction." --10/4/91

"I don't want to buy into the predicate about another recession. I don't feel that way." --10/25/91

"The economy's turned the corner, headed for recovery." --10/31/91

"I'm not prepared to say we are in a recession." --11/8/91

"It will not be a deep recession." --1/4/92

"The economy is in free-fall." --1/15/92


 "No one at this White House has ever tried to do anything in California except help
   Governor Davis fix his energy problem and get electricity to the citizens of California.
   No one here has been political."
          -- Mary Matalin, stifling a smirk...

 Betty Bowers on Jenna Bush
  What Would Jenna Drink?

 Click  Here

 I am astounded that I am the only Democrat on the web who thinks
 the whore court should stay out of sports rules, and thinks that if you
 can't compete, you ought to take it like a man and stop whining.

 I've been doing this a long time, since 1992, I think,
 and never before has there been a subject on which I've stood alone.
 I don't care - I'm not wrong.

 This isn't about making doors wide enough for wheelchairs.
 This isn't about making ramps on sidewalks.
 This isn't about subtitltes for the hearing-impaired.
 This is about a guy who can't play by the rules - so he sued and won.

 Isn't there anybody who can talk about this subject without mentioning
 the nonsense assertion that walking isn't part of the game?

 If walking wasn't part of the game, we would agree on this.

 Did Paul Harvey die?

 He's been missing for weeks, someone said the last time he spewed his hate
 for Clinton and the majority of voters his voice sounded a little "hoarse."

 We're going to miss Paul Harvey when he's gone, right guys?

 So, ...GOP posterboy McVeigh wants to live now?

 Fine, let's give him 60 years of  sodomy and solitary confinement
 with a web cam on his murdering ass so we can watch.


 "Government is not the solution - Government is the problem."
    --Red-Ink Reagan, the biggest spender in history


 "Have you heard that Anne Heche is engaged a man?
   Looks like Jeffords wasn't the only one to switch to Independent."
      -- Dave


 Subject: Anheiser-Bush...Austin and other cities

 Now wasn't this the poor little child that her father had to hide his own DWI in '76?
 Guess she had to do some field study to understand what he went through.

 ha ha

 How a lie about sex...also a misdemeanor is worth shutting down the country
 and an inquisition,  but two arrests that are on public record is a private matter?
 To quote Bill Bennett, where's the outrage?

 Marty, Bill Bennett is a paid-for whore.
 He only gets outraged when someone writes him a check.
 Scaife won't pay for a true Jenna-drunk-again story.

 Guest Editorial by Tamara Baker
   Special to

 Honor and dignity?

What was all this about "bringing honor and dignity" to the White House?
 How about hypocrisy -- not to mention arrest records?

Not only do we have an alleged President and Vice President with five DUIs between them,
we also have two First Daughters blithely breaking the very zero-tolerance underage-drinking laws
their father signed off on when he ran the State of Texas (Click), and using the Secret Service
as a glorified Dial-A-Ride for their drunken boyfriends as well.

"Honor and dignity"?

Gee, Chelsea Clinton wasn't -- and isn't -- a drunken, spoiled, overprivileged brat.
But that didn't stop Rush Limbaugh and other "family values" and "law and order" conservatives
from calling her all sorts of nasty names, like the First Dog.  One particularly vicious man,
the National Review's John Derbyshire, called on his readers to murder Chelsea because
she possessed "the Clinton taint".

During her father's last years in office Chelsea Clinton was too busy to get arrested.
She was doing things like being an ambassador-without-portfolio to India and Southeast Asia,
spreading goodwill and earning the admiration and respect of all who met her.

They say that you can tell a lot about parents by looking at their children.
Chelsea's contemplating going to Oxford, following in her daddy's footsteps.
Jenna and Barbara are contemplating their arrest records, just like their DUI daddy
and his multiple-DUI Vice President, Dick Cheney.

God help us all.


Tamara Baker

       Happy 75th Birthday



In light of how you started your editorial, I dare say you have an unswayable bias against President Bush.

Gee, ya think?
(Whenever they start in mid-conversation, they're talking about The Liberal Media, above)

However, I can certainly point out a variety of "media" werein Bush is spoken of in a negative context.
For one, read Molly Ivans' columns, she is an AP writer and her stories appear nationwide.

That's a damn good point.
Molly is READ by thousands of literate people, mostly LA, DC and New York.
Whereas Rush, Hannity, Laura are HEARD by millions of illiterates in "rocks & coyote" country,
and they believe every wild lie they hear.

As another, was there a sitcom produced about Clinton, while he was in office?

No, and I dare say there's not one about Bush, either.

ABC, CNN, NBC, CBS, and yes, even FOX have all run pieces that are less the flattering to Bush.

It's possible that each has, but not like the non-stop 24/7 attacks on Clinton that, for Christ's sake,
created entire networks to slander him.

As to your comments that all of those listed in "Exhibit A" had each done "dozens" of stories
against Clinton, I would love to see your research supporting this.

Good God, do you own a television set?

The following list of sites listed on Yahoo:
(long list of anti-Bush web sites)

So spare me the rightous indignation that there is no liberalism, or negative comments on Bush, in the media.
Many of the very same reporters you mentioned in your "Exhibit A" also have made negative comments
about Bush, both during his campaign and certainly now that he is in office.

Sir, I listed 31 weekly on-air "personalities" who attacked Clinton with every appearance.
You were challenged to show the other side and came up with Molly Ivins.
You have made my point for me.

Your anger against anyone not in lockstep thinking with you is apparant through your use of derogatory names.
Grow up, open your eyes and learn that the real world is not required to pander to your wishes.

Funny, I have not insulted you, yet you attack me, personally.
Is that how you learned to debate at EIB University?

The fact that you consider a Molly Ivins newspaper column "balance" against
31 televised Clinton haters is the point I was making all along - one you fail to grasp.

Maybe I'm not the blind one, here.

  Horseshoes in Crawford County, TX

DeBeers Update

DeBeers of South Africa has focussed on large till-sampling programs by the
major diamond extraction companies which has yielded promising diamond
indicator mineral results.  Results are pending from winter drilling programs by...

Whoops, sorry...

When I saw the headline, I thought Jenna had been arrested again.

 As Deep Throat said: Follow the Money

 With today's Republican party, that trail leads the zoo?

 Click  Here

 Fathers Day is coming

 Would your dad like a  t-shirt?
 What about a  coffee mug or mouse pad?

 Click  Here

 Did you know that Enron Energy Corp is Bush's biggest contributor?

 Did you know that Enron is the nation's largest electricity trader?

 Did you know that California consumers are is being gouged like crazy?

 Did you think that's a coincidence?



Subject: Limbaugh's Creative Accounting

At the end of the first half hour of the Vulgar Pumkin-headed Pigboy's show today, some idiotic caller
asked porky about some "oil companies making 400 to 500% profits."  What a chowderhead.
That would mean that the companies have profits four to five times what their revenues are.

Of course, El Rush-bo couldn't let it go.  He chided the caller that perhaps he was talking about
companies that had a 400 to 500% increase in profits as if that was ok.  So if Enron make a
6% profit last year, they are making a  24 to 30% profit this year.  That was ok with Rush.

But Pigboy still could not let it drop so he stated that it was a Liberal Democratic trick to focus
on a snapshot of profits.  He told the faithful sheep about one major oil company whose profits
were 133% in one quarter, but when the other 9 months were averaged in, their profit for the year
was only 6%.  Now it has been a few years since I earned that engineering degree, but it seems to me
that this major oil company would need to have losses that averaged around 36% of revenues in each
of the remaining three quarters.

Does anyone believe this?
And nobody calls him on these foolish statements

 Courtesy of

 The Jeffords decision was inevitable
  ...but the US was unprepared

 Special report: George Bush's America
  by Martin Woollacott   of  The Guardian

  Click  Here

 It is pleasing to think that the world can turn on the pivot of a single Yankee conscience,
 that one principled man can occasionally make all the difference. Everybody agrees that
 James Jeffords' decision is of huge importance. And yet, now that it has happened, it is
 clear that if it had not been Senator Jeffords, somebody or something else would have
 turned up to check the Bush presidency.

 Yes, we owe a great debt to Senator Jeffords.
 Koresh knows the gelding Democrats were too scared to resist.

 Happy mail, from an unlikely source...

 Click  Here

Do the people at the LA Times read

 SACRAMENTO--When the president holds a "summit" with a governor, you can figure
 one of three things: this president--politically--is weak, desperate or inept.

 With President Bush, we've just seen indications of all three.

 Thanks to

 Texas Retooling Criminal Justice in Wake of Fuhrer

 Click  Here


Subject: Family Values

Have you noticed, with all the trouble the Bush girls have been having, there's nary a parent in sight.
Wouldn't you think that "concerned, loving" parents, with a free jet airplane at their disposal,
would immediately haul at least one of their asses to Austin to comfort/confront their child as
they felt the situation warranted?

Sure, maybe Daddy's too busy at the office, but couldn't Mom get there?
Do you really leave a 19 year-old to go to court with just a lawyer, no parent
around, if you really have a close loving family that displays "traditional values?"

To quote a Right Wing cry when inner city kids get in trouble, "WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?"


ha ha

Smirk the Wonder Chimp? Too busy at the office?
You mean too busy exercizing or playing Nintendo?

Uncle Dick could give Smirky the day off.
He's not needed in Washington.

Smirk is as valuable as the "p" in receipt.

 Happy Birthday, Lisa Hartman


Subject:  Re: Casey Martin

If everyone (including you) wants to bitch about how unfair it is,
then they need to make ALL the Senior PGA players walk.
No carts at Q-School.

All players must carry their own bags, NO CADDIES!
THEN you can make the argument that walking and fatigue are factors.

I do not "want to bitch" about Casey Martin.
I want to keep the whore court away from the sports rules.
I have no problem (probably) with the court deciding sports contracts
or discrimination issues etc, but changing the rules of the game?

We're back to four strikes for Mark McGwire because his leg hurts.
Or maybe if a running back has a bad leg, the court should award him a first down
every time he gains seven yards?   Why would you want to go there?

The high court is made up of whores and thieves.
Let's keep them away from sports.

As someone who has done time in a body cast, I'm not unsypathetic to Martin,
I just think he needs to learn to play by the same rules as the others.
If he can't play under PGA rules like everybody else, maybe he can be
the best damn golfer in the "Handicapped Professional Golfers Association."

But your suggestion that everyone be allowed to use golf carts
makes more sense than any suggestion I've heard from anybody.

The pro-Casey camp keeps insisting walking's not part of the game.


Let them all ride - at least that way, Casey's not getting an unfair advantage.

 Shrub Flubs His Dub
    by Molly Ivins

 Click  Here

 Oh, sure, blame it on Texas. It's all our fault Jim Jeffords walked.
 Many, many people in Washington are assuming "the Texans" in
 the White House are responsible for this massive screw-up.
 Whereas everybody in political Austin assumes it. It's often hard to
 discern the difference between Texas Tough and Texas Stupid.

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had everything.

 Copyright © 2001,
   Thanks for the fumble, Dude.

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