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This Just In...
CNN Reports: Louis Freeh says he may
not be able to step down as scheduled
this week because his staff can't find his letter of resignation.
"It's not true. I'm not a shallow, arrogant, gun-loving,
abortion-hating, Christian fundamentalist Texan buffoon.
I grew up in Kennebunkport."
Just wanted you to know that Chinaco
finally made its way into the Wyoming Valley of Northeastern PA.
Found it in a state store in a UMC suburb last night. Of course I immediately bought a bottle and went to
try it out with the one friend I know who would appreciate it. It indeed lives up to all the hype you've given it!
I will be frequenting that liquor store - much
to my wife's chagrin. Actually the store had quite a line of
Tequilas that I've not seen in other state stores in the area (FYI - in PA liquor stores are state run).
I found my two previous favorites Sauza
Conmemorativo and Sauza Tres Generaciones, along
several I haven't tried - like Herradura and Tenoch. I will have to grab a bottle (?) of Tenoch just because
of the neat pottery vessel it comes in.
Anyway, just some blather about Tequila - and thanks for the tip on Chinaco!
I hope you got the Chinaco Anejo.
That's the good one.
Happy Birthday Nicole Kidman
Guest editorial by email@example.com
So, Jebby is going to run again.
Why am I not surprised?
My state doesn't mind some more publicity.
Hey why not?
First, he puts it off until now and comes down
to Miami to 'announce' his plans. Not only that he has
to 'promote' his A+ plan at the Miami school where he announces his plans for candidacy.
I hate the A+ plan. To start off my school is a 'C' school under his grading plan.
Two years ago we were a 'D' and by some miracle we are now a 'C'.
My school is in a rather nasty neighborhood.
My little sister's Middle School is in a much,
much better neighborhood and surprise, surprise is an 'A' school.
I believe that the test is so prejudice to the neighborhood that the school is in. My family being a great example.
Ok, let's get back on subject, he's going to run,
ok he's going to run. There is probably no one here who
didn't expect this, Democrats and Republicans alike. Now we just have to find someone to beat him in the election.
Easier said than done? Probably. Before the leading Democratic candidate was Bob Butterworth.
I think he was Attorney General or something. Before this I had never heard of him, making it doubtful
that anyone else had or that he would really be able to carry people to vote for him.
And then comes Janet Reno. To start I'd
vote for her if I was two years older, but oh well.
I thought she was right in what she did with the Elian thing and think that maybe she should have done it sooner.
Now except for the Cubans who will never forgive and forget over Elian, she has the biggest chance of
actually getting some votes. She just has to make up her mind and tell us all that she's running.
I don't have the patience for this!! We all know you going to run -just make it official - PLEASE!
Back to Jebby, being that he's running let's get
to why people hate him. Some of the people any ways (the good
All students and parents hate him because of the A+ Plan (You already heard my spiel on that I won't get into it again).
The African Americans hate him because of the One Florida Plan, to get rid of Affrimitive Action.
And if there is any Democrats left we hate him because of a little election last November.
Now we just have to get rid of every one else.
Them Republicans. What to do? What to do?
Well that's not my problem it's Reno's and Butterworth's and the 20 other possible candidates.
Let's hope they do it effeciently.
And if my grandparent's friends up in Century
Village up in Boca in West Palm actually vote
for the candidate they want. And the African Americans can actually get to their polling places.
We can show America that Florida is still a Democratic
and that little election last November was indeed STOLEN!!
"It's traumatizing for me to come to
Washington during a Republican administration
because I don't have any Republican clothes.''
--Sharon Stone, in The Washington Post.
Click Here to see today's installment.
I've been in a corn stupor for the last 15 hours.
Mrs. BartCop drove to Bixby last night and picked up three kinds of fresh corn.
"Merit" "Calico" "Silver King"
On the way home last night, I got some other white meat and some
I also scooped up some fine, luxury salted butter.
Land O' Lakes makes it - it's the "Extra Creamy" butter.
I cleaned two ears of each kind of corn, scanned them, and loaded them into three pots.
I nuked the Quayles and set them aside to perk.
I fired up the outdoor Bart-grill and soaked some hickory chunks.
When the lava rocks got white & toasty, I added the hickory chunks and waited
until the right amount of smoke was pouring out, then put on the pork chops.
While the meat was grilling, the Quayles were softening, there
was nothing left to do
besides enjoy a few sips of Chinaco Anejo and watch the Cardinals beat the Cubs.
(Yahoo sports says the Cubs won, 3-2, but they're insane/lying.)
Soon, it was time to bring in the chops and boil that sweet corn.
It just takes a second - once it boils it's ready.
Ohhhh, ....it's been ten months since I've tasted the fresh Bixby corn.
I grabbed the smallest chop and the smallest Quayle.
Then I got one of Mrs. BartCop's special pottery bowls and made three piles.
One Merit, on Calico and one Silver King.
I was more obsessed with my food than Richard Dreyfus in CE.
I got a decadent dallop of fine luxury extra creamy butter
and dumped it in the middle.
Oh, get out of my way.
After just a few scoops of fresh Bixby corn, it looked like a
My plans to taste test and compare the three went right out the window.
All I know was that I was chin-deep in sweet Bixby corn - the best there is.
It was easily the best meal I'd had since New York.
I didn't finish all of my Quayle, and I didn't finish all of my chop,
but I went back for a second bowl of that sweet, Bixby corn.
Maybe the Chinaco didn't mix very well with the
fine, luxury chocolate,
but it mixes with the sweet Bixby corn better than Kahlua mixes with Grey Goose.
Oh, it was good, it was real good....
When I was thru, the whole place was a mess.
The kitchen was lousy with corn-strewn pots, pans, plates and bowls.
I had corn on my glasses.
I had corn on my shirt.
If I still had my beard, I would've needed a shower.
It was a spectacular meal.
But the news just keeps getting better.
This was the first batch of the year.
The wildflowers batches are yet to come.
In a couple of weeks, when it's 114 degrees, that corn will sing.
Don't worry, I'll keep you posted.
I'll be scanning more corn as the summer progresses.
Subject: Old Tulsa Resident
I couldn't believe my eyes when I found your site.
I thought I was a lonely
voice in the wilderness and then I came upon a grove of friendly voices.
Thanks, and I will send you something when the rebate check from the Moron in Thief arrives.
I used to live in Tulsa, Oct 72 - Mar 76.
Worked at Yale Bowl and Lawhon Furniture.
Was one of first renters at Seven Oaks, an apt complex under construction at Admiral Place and Skelly Fwy.
Later moved to a complex called Harvard Square (?) off of Harvard.
Anyway, why do you call it KDrag?
I never heard that term when I was living up there.
Paul, a lot has changed since 1976, that's the year I got here.
Oklahoma has become of steaming cesspool of right-wing ditto-monkeys.
The state motto is "More guns and less education," and snake-handling and cock-fighting are king.
Where we once had Jim Jomes, David Boren and Carl Albert,
we now have Jim Inhofe, Don Nickles and Steve Largent.
Knuckledraggers, all - hence the name.
(so far) Part one
by Isaac Peterson
Looks like Suge Knight, who likely ordered the murders of
Biggie Smalls and Tupac Shakur is getting out of prison in August.
It's too bad the crooked LA COPS refuse to say what they witnessed
because they're on his payroll.
According to Rolling Stone, who has as much credibility as any publication these days,
the higher-ups in the LA police department want this matter to just go away.
of the legal claims the families of Smalls and Tupac would have against
the City of Los Angeles if an investigation proved crooked cops were responsible
for the deaths of those two multi-millionaires with their tons of earning potential.
That's why the crooked cops and their crooked bosses are burying these two murders.
Theron Pleads for Rare Rhino's Life
GREAT FALLS, Va. (AP) - Charlize Theron has appealed
to a northern Virginia businessman to spare the life
of a rare rhinoceros scheduled to be shot and killed in a canned hunt outside of Johannesburg, South Africa.
David Laylin, president of Speedtech Instruments
in Great Falls, plans to sell Baixinha, a rare black rhino
being kept in South Africa, to a Norwegian big-game hunter for $60,000.
The hunt would be conducted on a ranch outside
You know if there's a caged animal to be slaughtered,
Bush's Daddy and Norman Schwartzkopf will be there with guns.
This is sickening.
Girl Who Vanished
by Maureen Dowd - she hates everybody
For the first time since her long vacation in March,
Dowd writes a column that's not sleep-inducing.
Even if he knows nothing about her disappearance, it's sad that Mr. Condit, who voted to impeach Bill Clinton,
is now using Clintonian evasion. Why is he acting like a man with something to hide?
Why isn't he more actively and noisily helping to find his "good friend"?
Condit is not acting like an innocent man.
And if Dowd is telling the truth about this guy voting for impeachment
(huge assumption - that a paid-for whore is telling the truth)
Mr Condit may be in for a pounding.
Note: Send all complaints to theonion.com
Subject: Look in the Mirror
I think the the one thing that truly outrages
me about "shrub",
(no longer will I capitilize any republicans name) is how
when he looks in the mirror each day, he can say to himself that,
I am a man that deserves to lead this country.
Regardless of all the election BS, I fail to understand
how his own
feeling of reality can let him believe that he is fit to serve.
Bottom line... the man ain't even begun to pay his dues.
Baker gives Weak & Stupid a Pounding
as seen at AMPOL
Similar Lies, Different Treatments
Be sure and read both parts.
She hits hard for a girl.
Smirk - the ditto-monkey
a column that finds it's targets in widely varied locations
By the Independent Alligator
I have an incredible gift for you.
Well, it's not mine to give, but it's still an incredible gift.
If you take my advice on this, I can guarantee to make the rest of your life
seem a whole lot easier, and how often do you get a guarantee like that?
It's only an idea, a perspective, but it will probably change
I've only known about this for a couple of days, but it has already changed me.
You know we just started this new Project
I don't know as much as I'd like about World War II, and seeing Pearl Harbor
brought the subject up again, so I suggested a massive, five-year project on World War II.
I found David Friedrichs (who needs help with the big project) so e-mail him.
I think he's the right man for the job.
As we follow the war with a report each day, we'll learn more
about what happened.
So on Dec 7, 2001 we'll see what happened Dec 7, 1941, which was 60 years to the day.
I think this could be interesting as hell.
I also thought some actual letters from the front lines would add a human touch.
So I did a little surfing.
I was always a worrier. Were you?
I'd worry about every damn, stupid thing in the world.
The thought of going to the dentist used to keep me awake at night.
What if I fail some test?
What if my boss wants to transfer me?
I always worried about something.
Money is easy to worry about, too.
The central air is about to go...
...gonna need a new roof before long.
...gonna need some furniture, maybe a newer car.
...gonna need some foundation repairs, too.
...and if you have kids, this worry thing must be a real monster.
Besides worry, you sometimes just feel like
you just can't go on.
Sometimes trouble comes at you like a freight train.
How many times have you told yourself,
"I don't think I can stand it - I don't know if I can make it."
Trust me, you can stand it, and you can take it.
I have proof.
Looking for some World War II letters home, I found a promo web
"My Hitch in Hell."
It's the story of American soldiers being taken prisoner in the
...on an island called Bataan - maybe you've heard of it...
I read his account of being on the Bataan march that was breath-losing.
These 12,000 Americans found themselves in a bad position.
The site is a chapter of a book called "My
Hitch in Hell," by Les Tenney.
This is a PG, read-friendly account of the Bataan Death March.
That's not meant as a joke. I mean he uses well-chosen words to make his point.
The best part is, it's written in small chunks, and that makes
for easy reading.
It's broken into self-contained paragraphs.
My advice - my gift to you - is to go to that page the next time you have a "big" problem.
Let's say your wife nags you to mow the lawn, and you're afraid
it's going to be hot,
Let's say your mechanic tells you, "You have a major problem,"
Let's say your doctor tells you that it wouldn't hurt to have a colonoscopy, and you start to panic,
...read any two paragraphs of http://www.think.org/pow/the_march.html
and you'll realize
that everything in your life is a cool breeze.
One thing about Les's story, wherever you jump in, whatever
you're thanking the Keeper of the Seasons for not putting you there.
Sure, this is out-of-place on a comedy page, but this site can
change your whole perspective.
If you read any two paragraphs at http://www.think.org/pow/the_march.html
and you don't get a re-boot on your personal self, ...you're probably in the GOP.
So the next time you have a "mountain" to climb, remember you
don't have any problems.
That's what this page will do for you.
You don't have problems, you have bullshit annoyances.
Next time you start worrying about some nonsense, say, "Fuck it."
That's what I do.
Someone wrote a book called something like, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."
"My Hitch in Hell," defines small stuff a lot better.
Put http://www.think.org/pow/the_march.html in your bookmarks.
Next time you're having a really bad day, because your hair-dresser
or you had to park two blocks away or your steak was well-done, or your check bounced,
...go to that website and read any two paragraphs.
Your day will get 100 percent better in less than three minutes.
Is Changed, But Still the One
by Isaac Guzman NY Daily News Feature Writer
...some idiot New York writer explains what Bono really means to say.
Then this bit of silliness,
The Daily Howler
MORE FUN WITH BOOKS!
Bill Sammonís book about the election is a textbook of spin and deception:
Our current howler (part I): (6/18/01)
We knew enough to check Sammonís source.
Free people should see what we found.
Our current howler (part II): (6/19/01)
The opening chapter of Sammonís book is a textbook in how to mislead.
Daschle shelves Rove investigation
Citing his own efforts to "change the tone,"
Daschle said this weekend
there would be no investigation of President Bush's senior strategist, Karl Rove.
House Democrats, led by Henry Waxman, wanted an investigation, but Daschle said no.
"We're not going to engage
in payback, because Mr Rove might not like it,"
said Daschle, quivering in his pink scared-rabbit suit.
Please don't send the Democrats another nickle until they agree to fight.
Those scared rabbits confirmed Norton for Interior,
they confirmed Ashcroft for Justice,
they confirmed Ted Olson for solicitor general
and they'd have no trouble confirming Larry Klayman, Hardon Kenny or Luci the Bat, if asked.
Christ, that fisherman Dalrymple could replace Sandra Day O'Connor,
if Smirk wants him.
The Democrats have proven they will NOT fight for any cause.
It might make Karl Rove angry, and we can't have that.
Why are they cashing their paychecks if they're doing nothing?
If they're going to rubber-stamp every fascist sent to them, why should they draw a salary?
All they need to do is hire one college kid to stamp "APPROVED"
bad fucking idea Rove and Uncle Dick send over and save the taxpayers the expense?
...If only I had a bigger hammer.
I need a drink.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.